Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

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  Why does my husband have a lower sex drive than me? 17.09.2026 27мин

  A reader wrote in with a blunt question: when a husband says he is the one who wants sex less, can you legitimately suspect he is covering for a porn habit? Check out the blog post here for the charts, the sources and the full argument. I have been answering a version of this for years, and I have generally said that a quarter to a third of marriages have the wife as the higher-drive spouse. This time I went and checked it against our own survey archive rather than repeating it. The number holds up, and what I can now tell you is exactly which marriages it describes. Across all marriages it is about one in five. Among couples who are genuinely mismatched it is closer to one in four. An independent analysis of a representative Australian study lands at 26% to 31% of couples with a large gap, which is the one-third figure. So depending on the question you are asking, it is somewhere between a fifth and a third. The stranger finding is how invisible these men are. Two in five wives say they are the higher-drive spouse. One husband in twenty-five says the same about his marriage. Same marriages, described from opposite sides. In the one survey built to study this directly, eleven hundred husbands rated both drives, forty said their wife was higher, and fourteen of those wrote anything at all in the comment boxes. That is the entire archive of these men speaking for themselves. And when you stop asking for an adjective and start asking about frequency, the label falls apart. The median lower-drive husband wants sex about once a week, and among the men answering for themselves it is twice a week. That is more than the median lower-drive wife wants. He is not low drive. He is out-driven. On the porn question, the base rate settles it: porn history is close to universal among husbands in our data, so finding it in a lower-drive husband tells you nearly nothing about why his desire is low. A test that comes back positive for almost everyone is not a test. Then the second half, which is the part I care most about: if he does have the lower drive, should he still be leading in the bedroom? Yes to initiating, no to leading it. The one with the desire should carry that part of the marriage, whether that is the husband or the wife, and the other should actually follow. I talk through what that means if you hold a complementarian view, why handing the department over is not the same as handing over responsibility, and the thing underneath all of it that no amount of logistics will solve. In this episode: (0:27) The question (1:34) How common is it, actually (3:03) One in five, one in four, one in three (4:48) Why lower drive men seem like a myth (6:56) Lower desire is a comparison, not a diagnosis (9:09) Is he hiding a porn habit? (10:55) What actually causes it instead (12:50) Should he be initiating anyway? (16:46) Who should lead, and headship (19:55) The part that doesn't resolve (20:22) What the romance novel is really selling (23:36) Christ didn't want to either (26:22) So, to answer the question Links mentioned in this episode: Why lower-drive spouses should initiate sex Sex drive differences aren't the problem What does biblical leadership look like in a marriage? Why does my wife refuse intimacy beyond the basics? Desire vs. willingness Being more skilled at rejection Take part in the Marriage Study Join our supporter forum Send me your question Book a discovery call
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  Most Marriage Conflicts Aren’t About Right and Wrong 30.08.2026 11мин

  A couple describes their latest fight. Maybe it's how the dishwasher gets loaded, or what time the kids should be in bed, or whether you deal with a problem the moment it comes up or sleep on it first. The details change, but two things are always true: both of them are frustrated, and both of them are certain they are right. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. This episode came out of the last one. I said in passing during the leadership episode that most marital conflict isn't about right and wrong, someone in our forum asked whether I had ever written about that, and I hadn't. So here it is. Most of what you fight about has no morally correct answer. Scripture doesn't specify a bedtime, and there is no commandment about loading cutlery handle up or handle down. Those are preferences, formed by your upbringing, your personality, your family culture, and a thousand experiences your spouse wasn't there for. The trouble starts when a preference gets promoted to a moral issue. Once the fight becomes right versus wrong in your head, compromise stops feeling like flexibility and starts feeling like losing, your spouse's disagreement stops being a difference and becomes a character flaw, and you are no longer negotiating, you are prosecuting. Along the way in this episode: reality tunnels, and why marriage makes them worse rather than better; how Paul handles two live church disputes in Romans 14 by refusing to rule on either one; three questions that tell a preference from a principle; where the guardrails sit, because abuse is never a preference-level issue and agreement is not a moral sanitizer; and four things to do when it turns out to be a preference after all. In this episode: (0:00) Intro (0:13) The fight you keep having (1:13) None of these have a right answer (2:08) When a preference gets promoted to a moral issue (2:30) Reality tunnels (3:54) Romans 14: the church fight Paul refused to settle (5:45) Three questions: principle, damage, or preference (6:48) Abuse is never a preference, and hurt is not harm (7:39) What to do when it's a preference (9:27) Unity is not uniformity (9:55) Try this Links mentioned in this episode: SWM 162 - What does biblical leadership in marriage actually look like? SWM 037 - where I first talked about reality tunnels SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting The Mirror Game - a simple 4-step communication skill SWM 130 - Building resiliency in marriage How to use conflict to create intimacy Join our supporter forum Send me your question Book a discovery call
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  What does Biblical Leadership look like in a Marriage? 07.08.2026 25мин

  I saw a video of a wife listing the things that would immediately end her marriage, and the top item on her list was her husband finding God and joining a patriarchal religion. Not a discussion. An instant divorce. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. And I wish I could say I was surprised, but headship has earned its bad reputation, usually from Christians who read a verse or two and build a whole theology out of it. So in this episode I walk through what I think biblical leadership actually looks like, based not on one or two verses but on the model of leadership that runs through the entire Bible, including how God leads us. Five principles: freedom flows down while responsibility flows up, following is an invitation rather than compulsion, good leaders choose long-term flourishing over short-term comfort, trust gets earned so it doesn't require understanding, and if you have to reach for your authority, you have already failed to lead. Along the way: why the meal-planning question is really about mental load, the treadmill rule my wife asked me to enforce, when a wife should not submit, and why the clearest picture of headship in the Bible is a man on the floor washing feet. In this episode: (0:00) Intro (0:19) The instant-divorce list (1:57) Five principles from the whole Bible (2:35) 1. Freedom flows down, responsibility flows up (4:01) The meal-planning example (5:06) 2. Following is an invitation, not compulsion (7:39) When you shouldn't submit (10:38) "My wife won't submit" (11:22) 3. Long-term flourishing over short-term comfort (12:07) The treadmill rule (14:46) 4. Trust that doesn't require understanding (18:16) This is not a license for abuse (20:06) 5. Using authority means you failed to lead (22:48) Back to the woman from the video (24:06) Go to the upper room Links mentioned in this episode: What do wives want? A primer for husbands Send me your question Book a discovery call
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  Why Does My Wife Refuse Intimacy Beyond the Basics? 19.07.2026 21мин

  A husband writes in: seventeen years married, two kids, sex about twice a week, and a marriage he describes as "pretty darn good." But his wife will not try anything beyond the basics, and after years of asking he still does not know why she says no. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Here is the thing: she did tell him why. Four times. He wrote all four answers down in his own letter and heard them as one refusal. They are not one refusal. "I don't want that," "it doesn't feel good," "it's gross," and "maybe some other time" are four different problems wearing the same coat, and each one needs something different from him. In this episode I work through what each of those answers is likely to mean, including why "gross" is almost always a moral word rather than a sanitary one, what our data says about premarital sexual activity and later sexual satisfaction, and why the detail that gives the whole thing away is not the oral sex at all. It is the flirty text she also will not send. In this episode: (0:00) Intro (0:12) The question (2:10) Who ends up leading the sexual relationship (3:34) When the higher-drive spouse leads (5:29) She told you why. Four times. (5:58) "It's gross" is a moral word, not a sanitary one (7:43) Premarital acts and the 16% satisfaction gap (10:00) "It doesn't feel good" is a status report (11:14) "I'll never be good enough for you" (13:33) About that eye roll (14:57) The sacred cows (16:17) A note for wives and low-drive spouses (18:44) Where that leaves you Links mentioned in this episode: Ask your own anonymous question Book a discovery call
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  How to Solve the Mental Load in a Christian Marriage 11.07.2026 29мин

  Scroll social media for five minutes and you will find her: the exhausted wife explaining why she has nothing left for her husband at the end of the day. The world calls it "the mental load," and it is real. But splitting the chores 50/50 does not actually lift it, and this episode is about why. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. The mental load is not a chore problem, it is a leadership problem. When a wife says she feels like she has "another child to manage, not a partner," she is not asking her husband to do more tasks. She is asking to be led. In this episode I make the case that biblical headship, rightly understood, is the solution the world keeps fumbling toward in the dark. We start in the bedroom (because that is where the first complaints usually show up), walk through why "choreplay" falls short, work through what Genesis actually says about leadership and the fall, and land on three concrete levels for solving the mental load: carry less, build a system, and own whole domains completely. In this episode: (0:00) Intro (0:18) What the mental load really is (2:11) Why it wrecks the bedroom (6:47) Why splitting chores 50/50 fails (9:02) The real fix: leadership, not more chores (10:41) Is headship part of the curse? (14:30) What secular culture stumbled onto (16:24) Leadership is sacrificial, never forced (17:25) Step 1: Carry less (22:42) Step 2: Get it into a system (24:14) Step 3: Own it (including the bedroom) (28:22) Conclusion: the gospel in your marriage Scripture referenced: Ephesians 5:25, Genesis 3:16, Genesis 4:7, 1 Timothy 2:13, Genesis 2:16-17, Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 11:8-9, Genesis 2:23, Genesis 3:9, Romans 5:12-19, 1 Timothy 3:4-5, 1 Timothy 5:8, Matthew 11:28-30
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  Why Do I Feel So Rejected by My Spouse? 24.06.2026 12мин

  At our last Couple's Night I mentioned something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria almost in passing, and afterward one of the guys reached out. He had never heard the term before, and it struck a chord, because he recognized himself in it right away. "I struggle with rejection," he told me, "even when I haven't actually been rejected." Check out the blog post here for more details and links. RSD is not ordinary disappointment when someone turns you down. The word "dysphoria" comes from a Greek root meaning "hard to bear," which is exactly right: it is a wave of emotional pain intense enough to feel almost physical, it arrives in an instant, and it lands well out of proportion to whatever actually happened. The strangest part is that the rejection does not have to be real. A curt text, a certain look, a spouse who seems distracted at dinner, or a "no" you are bracing for before you have even asked the question. It is most strongly tied to ADHD, where emotion tends to arrive at full volume, and where a nervous system that has spent years collecting "you're too much" and "you're not enough" learns to flinch before the blow lands. Marriage is the most rejection-loaded relationship most of us will ever have, and the bedroom is where I see this do the most quiet damage. A healthy nervous system files "not tonight" as bad timing. An RSD nervous system files it as "I am unwanted, I am undesirable, I was a fool to even try." Over time the higher-desire spouse stops initiating altogether, and the lower-desire spouse has no idea why, because they never said no to you, they said no to one moment. It runs the other direction too: repeated initiation can land as "you are never satisfied with me." In this episode I walk through the five things that actually move the needle, why letting your spouse in on it is the one that matters most, and why so many people with RSD end up on an SSRI that does very little for it. In this episode: (0:00) Intro (1:13) What Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is (1:59) When the rejection isn't even real (2:40) The ADHD connection (3:16) How RSD shows up in a marriage (4:11) RSD in the bedroom (5:19) What actually helps, five steps (7:04) Medication, and why SSRIs miss it (8:28) You're not woven wrong (11:09) Book a free ADHD discovery call Links mentioned in this episode: Married with ADHD coaching, and a free discovery call Send me your question Book a discovery call
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  Why Don’t We Ever Talk About What We Actually Want in Bed? 25.03.2026

  A deep dive into one of the most consistent findings from our survey of over 1,000 married Christians: couples who can talk openly about sex report dramatically higher satisfaction than those who can't. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we cover:Why so many couples stay silent about what they actually want in bedThe communication gap: satisfaction scores by comfort level across manual sex, oral sex, and mutual masturbationWho is actually talking — and how many couples are stuck wanting to but don't know howWhat openly discussing preferences actually does to sexual satisfactionWhy the gender picture is more surprising than you'd expectWhy the silence persists — and how it calcifies over time A note on couples who don't discuss it and are doing fine anywayHow to start the conversation if you've been sitting on something unsaidFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss topics like this with other married Christians, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource for their marriage. You managed to find us; help someone else do the same.
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  SWM 158 – Solo Masturbation – When You Remove the Other Person From Sex 11.02.2026 27мин

  Solo Masturbation - When You Remove the Other Person From Sex. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. Today we’re continuing with our Sex as Worship series, and in this post, we’re going to be talking about masturbation, which is a highly contested argument in Christianity. Is it okay, is it sinful, it is helpful or harmful? And before I say anything else, I want to share that I didn’t always believe the viewpoint I’m going to share. Also, I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s still an embarrassing topic, and I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for it. People will unsubscribe. Sometimes I get messages saying they hope to see me in hell. But, I don’t think I can skip it. This is a topic I see damaging so many marriages, so how do I leave it alone? Also, this is my second rewrite. I tried to make the first one more clinical, and after recording it - frankly, I hated it. I was bored from recording it. So, I rewrote it. Let me know what you think. So here we go, take number two. I grew up in a church culture where masturbation was not discussed. It wasn’t encouraged, but also wasn’t warned against. There were jokes here and there, hints and side comments, but more or less the message was that it was private and not to be discussed.
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  SWM 157 – Why Sex Gets Derailed Right Before It Starts 25.01.2026 18мин

  Why Sex Gets Derailed Right Before It Starts. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. From time to time I get questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. I received one a bit ago that I thought would be good to answer in its own post because this is a feeling that’s common to a lot of marriages. I’ve heard this same complaint, with very minor variations, from many husbands and some wives. And like this person, if you don’t know what’s going on, it can lead to some bad assumptions. Maybe this has happened in your marriage. Here’s the question: Am I going crazy or is my wife subtly sabotaging things? I've often pointed out to my wife that there's a clear distinction in how she approaches our plans based on whether it's something she really wants or it wasn't really her idea. I've seen her move mountains and leap over obstacles in some areas of our life together. But in others she's a never ending fount of potential issues, problems and risks. They seem reliably separable into categories of what she really wants and what I possibly want more. One area, I see this and is making me feel like I'm going crazy, is our sex life. If we're going on a holiday and she wants to have a lot of sex, she will plan ahead, bring outfits, lube and be very vocal about it. It's great, fantastic even. If it's a regular day we've scheduled sex, she won't exactly say no, but the likelihood of some kind of ailment popping up just on time is about 75%. Tiredness, tummy/digestive problems, a slight cough or cold; just enough to be a dampener. I particularly enjoy going down on her, but upon approach she will just mention something wrong. (some version of "I haven't washed up" or "I had an upset stomach earlier"). I like to make out, but after the first peck she'll says something like "Not too much though, I was getting some sniffles yesterday". Moreso in the past, she would physically behave like someone who would rather not be touched, as an almost knee jerk reaction to my affection. It's just too much of a coincidence that when we're getting intimate she will bring up some of the most off putting topics in a way that perfectly sabotages the mood for me. Sometimes it'll just be something completely unrelated and left field.
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  SWM 156 – Pornography, Erotica, and AI Companions – When You Replace the Person with a Fantasy 02.01.2026 19мин

  SWM — Sex as Worship: Pornography, Erotica and AI Companions. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Pornography and erotica have become ubiquitous and socially normalized, and AI “companions” are increasingly marketed as hyper-sexual substitutes. These offer the appeal of intimacy without risk—no rejection, responsibility or vulnerability—yet they train desire away from real people and covenant relationships. God designed intimacy for embodied, vulnerable union within marriage (Genesis 2:24–25; “to know” as in Genesis 4:1). In the “Sex as Worship” framework, aligning with God’s design is worship; deviations declare that we know better. Scripture shows God’s insistence on real relationships, not images or illusions (Exodus 20:4–6). Marriage pictures Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:31–32), and the incarnation underscores embodied presence (John 1:14). Substitutes like porn, erotica and AI reject that design (Romans 1:25). Practically, these fantasies retrain desire through novelty-driven dopamine, dulling normal arousal and escalating content. They reduce relationship satisfaction, weaken empathy, and increase objectification by orienting desire around control, not mutual love. They soothe loneliness without healing it, and intensify conflict avoidance—eroding skills vital to intimacy. Common rationalizations fall short: “It’s better than cheating,” “It’s just a character,” “It helps me cope,” “My spouse doesn’t meet my needs,” “Everyone does it,” “You’re sex-negative,” or “I can separate fantasy from reality.” In reality, formation happens; what captures your brain shapes your life. Relief isn’t healing, and avoidance entrenches wounds. If you’ve been using these, stop and seek accountability. Share with your spouse if possible, involve a pastor/elder or coach, and retrain desire toward your spouse. Neuroplasticity means change is possible; meditate on what is true, noble, pure and lovely (Philippians 4:8). Healing aims at presence, covenant, and embodied love. You were made for more than illusion. Fantasy promises intimacy without pain; only reality delivers intimacy with meaning. God’s design is harder and riskier—but far more satisfying. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum. Thank you to all our faithful supporters! If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference. Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us—help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 155 – Hookup Culture – When You Take Relationship Out of Sex 14.11.2025 12мин

  SWM 155 - Hookup Culture - When You Take Relationship Out of Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided.Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning - where bodies meet, but no one truly connects.I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world.Last time, I tackled what removing covenant from sex gets you: sex before marriage, and the fallout from that choice.Today, we’re going to push that even further and look at hookup culture. At first glance it might seem like sex before marriage taken to the next level - but that expansion comes with new problems.This isn’t just the removal of covenant - it’s the removal of the relationship itself.Links in this podcast episode:Marriage CoachingSpeak at an event or churchFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 154 – Sex Before Marriage – When You Remove Covenant from Intimacy 19.10.2025

  SWM 154 - Sex before marriage - when you remove covenant from intimacy. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.In my last episode, I talked about how sex is an act of worship because having sex, the way God intended, gives worth to Him. It honours what He created by using it as He intended.However, our society is doing its best to invert that by taking away elements of God’s plan so as to distort sex. To make it not something that’s worship and creative, but rather destructive to ourselves, to each other, and to society as a whole.So, today we’re going to explore sex outside of marriage, or what happens when you remove the covenant from sexual intimacy.And to be clear, the legal status of the relationship is not the big problem here. It’s the intentional lifelong monogamous commitment to each other. Arguably, many marriages in the Bible are considered marriages simply because they had sex. However, sex is meant to seal a covenant, not substitute for one.Links in this podcast episode:Marriage CoachingSpeak at an event or churchArticle as a PDF (without mention of UncoveringIntimacy.comPodcast mp3Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 153 – Sex as an Act of Worship 24.09.2025 11мин

  SWM 153 - Sex as an act of worship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head.Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.”I asked her to explain, and she said, “Well, everything we do should be for God. And since you’re the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church, then giving myself to you, serving you in this way, is like serving Christ.”That surprised me. I mean, I’ve taught before that sex is about more than physical release - that it’s for procreation, for bonding, for comfort, for recreation, even for warding off temptation. But I don’t think I’ve ever described it quite this way: as an act of worship.So let’s unpack that. What does it mean that sex - sweaty, messy, joyful sex - could actually be worship of the God who created it?Links in this podcast episode:Marriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 152 – AQ – Unsexy nightclothes, husbands who won’t initiate, scent and partner selection and more 28.08.2025 29мин

  June - August 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attractionIs using a vibrator wrong?How do I get my husband to initiate sex?Need something to spice up our sex lifeHow does scent factor into spouse selectionRecovery after pregnancyIs using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong?How do I keep myself from becoming distant from my husband? How can I talk to my husband about oral sex?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:Have a Question (form)Join the supporter's forum (donate)Manual Sex & Masturbation SurveyBecoming More Sexually Engaged (webinar)Why masturbation is a problem whether you're married or single (blog)Sexploration ListMarriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful champions!If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 151 – AQ – Oral Sex Norms, Fantasy Guilt & Rekindling Passion 27.06.2025 22мин

  AQ - Oral Sex Norms, Fantasy Guilt & Rekindling Passion. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. We haven’t done a round up of our anonymous questions for a while. These are actually questions going all the way back to January of this year. For those who are new, these questions come in from our anonymous Have A Question page. They have no contact information, and so we only get whatever they put in the text box as we can’t reach out to get more context. I posted the questions in our supporter’s forum where they were discussed and eventually became a blog post and a podcast episode. So, if you have a question of your own you can’t find an answer to, or are afraid to ask anywhere else, you can ask it there, or join our supporter’s forum where you can ask anything you want anonymously as well. But for now, we’re going to get on with these questions. Do most guys enjoy cunnilingus after ejaculation? I don’t have any stats on how many, I’m afraid. I could not find a survey on it anywhere, nor have we asked that question in any of our surveys. I do know that some men definitely do enjoy it, and often quite passionately. Some have been very not-shy about sharing just how much they like it, and also how much their partners (not always married) also enjoy receiving it. There’s another group of men who want to, but don’t, either because they’re afraid of judgement from the partner or because they errantly believe that ingesting their own semen while performing oral sex on their wife is somehow a homosexual act. There’s yet another group of men who want to, but as soon as they ejaculate, suddenly they lose interest - likely because of the phenomenon where what you think is distasteful changes before and after orgasm.
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  SWM 150 – Control, sex and marriage 22.05.2025 17мин

  SWM 150 - Control, sex and marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God.Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The key, I believe, is consent and love. When surrender is freely given and motivated by love, it can bring freedom and joy. But when control is forced, it leads to resentment and broken trust.In this post, I’m sharing some personal stories and lessons we’ve learned about navigating these tricky dynamics in marriage.Links in this podcast episode:Gary Thomas - Substack - A controlling spirit can devestate a marriageSWM 108 - What does the Bible say about hell?Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymoreBecoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian WivesSexy Photos Course - For Christian WivesBecoming More Sexually Engaged Course - For Christian WivesFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 149 – My daughter’s speech – Transgenderism is a lie 20.04.2025 10мин

  My daughter's speech - Transgenderism is a lie. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. Today we're going to do something a little bit different. For those who have been listening for more than a year, you know that my kids are in 4H and every year they have to deliver a speech. For the last few years, my eldest daughter has been delivering speeches about transgenderism based on her research and her own personal experiences. Now, these are difficult topics, and in a lot of cases, she gets, angry judges who mark her poorly simply because of the topic and her stance on it. And it's easy to think that, oh, that's just her father thinking that she should have scored better, but when a large number of people every year come to her afterwards telling her how impactful her speech was, how they don't understand how she couldn't have placed higher or sometimes at all, when the scoring comes back with no notes, only a bad score, and every year people tell her that she should be talking to churches about this, it's hard to think otherwise. This year we had an elected government official say she should be speaking to the government about this and sharing her perspectives. This year she actually won at the local level and the district level before getting shot down at the regional level, and the same thing happened. We even had people tell us they went to the judges afterwards to ask them if they made a mistake because so much of the audience thought she was the clear winner, and then she didn't even place in the top three, which would have let her go on to the provincial level. During her speech, I saw multiple people in tears in the audience, and I didn't see that for any of the other speakers. So, as has been our tradition for the last three years, we wanted to share this one with you as well in the hopes that it might impact you. So this is my daughter's speech titled Transgenderism is a Lie. Transgenderism is a lie, a sham, and it promises false hope
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  SWM 148 – 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness 13.04.2025 27мин

  SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships.I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent years labeling each other as selfish, cruel, or hopeless. They roll their eyes, assign malicious motives, and show up just to prove their partner is the problem. Once that mindset takes root, digging out takes months—sometimes years.But there’s hope. When couples catch it early—before contempt hardens into habit—change can happen fast. Today, I’m sharing 14 warning signs that you’re heading down this dangerous path. Some might surprise you (like sarcasm or ‘harmless’ nicknames), but the last one? It’s the red flag you can’t ignore. Let’s dive in.Links in the episode:Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)Coaching - Sign up for a free callFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 147 – How do you know if you’re sexually compatible 16.02.2025

  SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship."And it sounds like sound reasoning.  We test-drive cars before buying them.  We have probation periods for people we hire at work.  We sample foods before purchasing them.  Shouldn't sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you're a good match?It's a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles.  It makes you question your morality.  It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.However, it's based on a flawed premise.Links in the episode:Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)The Art of Edging (eBook)Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage (podcast)National Longitudinal Lesbian Family StudyLet's talk about sex... and ADHDDeterminants of female sexual orgasmsShould Couples Live Together Before Marriage?Cohabitation Experience and Cohabitation's Association With Marital DissolutionThe Pre-engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous FindingsFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
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  SWM 146 – Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage – Shifting from Rules to Relationship 24.01.2025 12мин

  SWM 146 - Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage - Shifting from Rules to Relationship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.In my work as a marriage coach, I often see couples transition from one type of marriage to another. There’s no clear line between these states, no set of rules that definitively places someone in one category or the other. Yet, by observing how they handle conflict, express themselves, and interact in small ways, you can often tell which state their marriage is in.A big part of my job as a coach is helping people shift from one type of marriage to another as most issues in marriage are resolved by doing so.Free webinar for Christian wives - Jan 26, 8pm ESTMarriage CoachingFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and TwitterIf you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.Thank you to all our faithful supporters!If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.