He Blamed It On Me

Епизоди

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  Why Didn't You Just Leave Your Emotionally Abusive Marriage? 10.08.2026 33мин

  Why didn't you just leave? It's the question almost every abuse victim gets, and it's one I've had to sit with myself. In this episode, I get honest about why I stayed in a marriage that turned abusive: the fifteen good years I wasn't ready to throw away, the gaslighting that had me doubting my own reality, and the people around me who quietly made it my job to fix him instead of save myself. I also talk about two stories in the news that cracked me open this week, and why staying never actually meant I was safe. If you've ever judged someone for staying, or judged yourself for it, this one is for you. Because nobody wants to stay in an abusive relationship. We just believe, for far too long, that if we try hard enough, the abuse will stop.
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  Chapter 6: I Know it's Not Right, but… 03.08.2026 11мин

  This is the chapter where I started changing my behavior, not because I did anything wrong, but because I was exhausted from the consequences of living my normal life. I evaluated every invitation. I memorized every guest list. I prepared for the interrogation before I walked back through my own front door. I knew it wasn't right. But I also knew I loved him, and I believed that love was enough to fix it.
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  Why do I feel like everything is my fault in my relationship? 28.07.2026 25мин

  You said sorry before you even knew what you did. Somewhere along the way, "it's my fault" stopped being a conclusion and became your default setting. This episode is about the blame dynamic: what happens when one person is the permanent defendant and the other is never on trial. His bad day, your fault. His reaction, your fault. Somehow even his behavior, your fault for provoking it. I'm walking through how you get trained into believing it, and the one tell that proves it was never really you: nobody is wrong one hundred percent of the time. When the fault always lands on the same person, that's not accuracy. That's a system. If you've ever left a fight sure of what happened and somehow ended up agreeing to his version, this one's for you. The feeling was real. The verdict was rigged.
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  Chapter 5 - It's Me, I'm The Problem. But Am I Really? 21.07.2026 17мин

  The next few months had one thing in common: somehow, it was always my fault. A natural reaction. A missed sentence. A chair facing the wrong direction. No matter how carefully I moved through my own life, it was never enough. This chapter ends at a funeral, sitting next to my husband while he said nothing, wondering if we could ever find our way back to happy.   KayllianCollective.com
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  You're Not Imagining It. Finding a Therapist Really Is This Hard 13.07.2026 16мин

  If you've ever tried to find a therapist and felt like the system was working against you, it kind of is. In this episode, we dig into the real numbers behind America's mental health care crisis: the shortage, the cost, the wait times, and why so many people who need help aren't getting it. You're not imagining it. It really is this hard.   KayllianCollective.com      Source Links:  - https://helloinnerwell.com/reflections/mental-health-statistics - https://bhw.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/bureau-health-workforce/data-research/Behavioral-Health-Workforce-Brief-2025.pdf - https://www.americashealthrankings.org/explore/measures/MHP - https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/explainer/2023/may/understanding-us-behavioral-health-workforce-shortage - https://www.countyhealthrankings.org/health-data/community-conditions/health-infrastructure/clinical-care/mental-health-providers - https://app.projecthealthyminds.com/mental-health-blog/how-much-does-therapy-cost - https://www.simplepractice.com/blog/average-therapy-session-rate-by-state/ - https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/therapy-without-insurance - https://mydenvertherapy.com/therapy-mental-health-statistics/ - https://naswnys.org/nasw-nys-survey-analysis-behavioral-health-client-waiting-times/
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  Chapter 4: Getting Him Help 05.07.2026 4мин

  What do you do when you finally have an answer but no idea what to do with it? In this chapter, I'm holding everything together by calming the kids, talking him down from leaving, and convincing my husband he needed help. I watched him navigate the mental health industry that was causing him more stress. I called his mother when I had nothing left. I kept his secret because I didn't want to add to his shame. I thought I was helping him heal. I didn't realize I was starting to disappear.   KayllianCollective.com
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  Can Someone Love You and Still Hurt You? 29.06.2026 20мин

  Can someone love you and still hurt you? It's not a simple yes or no answer. In this episode, we break down the difference between hurt that comes from mistakes and hurt that comes from control, and why loving someone deeply can make it almost impossible to see the difference when you're in it.   KayllianCollective.com
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  Chapter 3: The Night Everything Changed – Just Not for the Better 21.06.2026 14мин

  Have you ever done everything right and watched it fall apart anyway? I called instead of texting. I tried to fix the mood the way I always had. I did everything I knew how to do. None of it worked. This is the night I couldn't stop, couldn't fix, and couldn't protect my children from.   KayllianCollective.com
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  Is Gaslighting Emotional Abuse? 14.06.2026 20мин

  In my marriage, saying the word "gaslighting" didn't start a conversation; it ended one. If you've ever wondered whether what's happening to you is gaslighting or been told you're using the word wrong, this episode is for you. We're talking about what gaslighting really is, what it isn't, and why your experience deserves to be heard no matter what you call it.   Kaylliancollective.com
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  Chapter 2 - Let the Gaslighting Begin 07.06.2026 10мин

  After one conversation changed everything, the weeks that followed were a slow unraveling. Every day brought a new accusation, a new reason to doubt myself, and a new version of me I didn't recognize. I thought I was a dedicated, loyal, trustworthy person, until someone I loved convinced me I wasn't. KayllianCollective.com
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  Chapter 1: May 19th 2022 31.05.2026 10мин

  On our 15th dating anniversary, I sat across from my husband at a coffee shop and told him something completely honest: that a man had hit on me the night before, and I'd said no. What I got back was an accusation of having an affair. This is the episode where the story begins, and where I first learned that telling the truth could be used against me.   KayllianCollective.com
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  Welcome to He Blamed It On Me 31.05.2026 13мин

  Welcome to He Blamed It On Me. This podcast is my unfiltered story of living inside, leaving, and recovering from a marriage that went from amazing to abusive in one conversation.  In this episode you'll hear why I am starting this podcast and what you can expect.  Learn more at KayllianCollective.com