Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

Episoder

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  When A Structured Coach Meets Emotion 12.10.2026 11min

  What happens when the person you’re coaching suddenly starts crying, gets angry, or simply stops talking? Even a capable coach can have that moment of, “Oh my gosh, what do I do now?”In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens whenemotion meets the Structured Coach. Frameworks and processes can be incredibly helpful, but sometimes our desire to get back to the structure is really about making ourselves more comfortable. Emotion doesn’t automatically mean something has gone wrong, and it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve wandered outside the boundaries of coaching. Sometimes the tears are not interrupting the coaching.They are part of it. The challenge is learning to stay present without panicking, fixing, rescuing, or rushing the person toward a solution.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to grow your confidence, skill, and capacity as acoach? The next Coaching Academy begins in January. Learn more and join us at CA.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsWhat happens inside you when a coachee becomes emotional?When have you used a coaching framework to ease your owndiscomfort with emotion?How might moving too quickly toward solutions affect thecoachee?What would help you pause and stay steady before asking your next question?How could you make room for emotion while keeping thecoaching process available?
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  Integrated Coach: What Should I Do? 09.10.2026 10min

  So, does a great coach ever give advice? The answer may be alittle more nuanced than simply yes or no. In today’s episode, Michelle brings “What do you think I should do?” to the Integrated Coach, where the focus shifts from following a rule to using discernment.Sometimes a question is exactly what someone needs.Sometimes it is silence, reflection, or an observation. And sometimes our experience or perspective may genuinely be helpful. The key is remembering that even when we have something valuable to offer, we do not own another person’schoice. Integrated Coaching protects their awareness, agency, and ownership while remaining flexible enough to respond to what they actually need. Because the goal isn’t to make people dependent on our answers. It’s to help thembecome increasingly able to hear and trust their own.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] QuestionsWhat happens inside me when someone I coach directly asksfor my opinion or advice?How can I tell whether sharing my perspective will expandsomeone’s thinking or become louder than their own voice?When I have relevant experience or expertise, how can Iclearly distinguish between coaching, mentoring, teaching, and sharing information?How comfortable am I allowing someone to make a choice that is different from the one I might make for myself?How can I help the people I coach build greater awareness,agency, discernment, and trust in their own thinking?
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  Transformational Coach: What Should I Do? 08.10.2026 10min

  What if “What should I do?” isn’t really about the decisionin front of you? What if the deeper question is about who you believe you are supposed to be?In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when thisquestion meets the Transformational Coach. A promotion may look like success on paper, but what happens when our definition of success, growth, or potential begins to change? Sometimes we discover that we have been trying to want what we think a successful person should want instead of becoming curious about what actually matters to us now. Transformational coaching isn’t about guiding someone toward the more enlightened choice. It’s about helping them see themselves, their beliefs, and their choices with greater clarity so they can decide from who they are becoming rather than who they once thought they had to be.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] QuestionsWhen I hear myself or someone else say, “I should wantthis,” what beliefs about identity, success, or worth might be underneath that statement?How has my own definition of success changed over time, andhas my identity fully caught up with that change?What am I still using as a measure of my potential or worththat may no longer fit who I am becoming?How can I help someone explore a deeper belief withoutbecoming attached to which decision they ultimately make?If I did not have to prove anything through the decision infront of me, what might I choose?
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  Skilled Coach: What Should I Do? 07.10.2026 12min

  “I don’t want it, but I should want it.” Have you evercaught yourself saying something like that? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when “What do you think I should do?” meets the Skillful Coach and one little word opens the door to a much bigger conversation: should.By listening closely to language, energy, and even whathappens in someone’s body as they explore their options, a Skillful Coach can help uncover information that might otherwise be missed. Maybe the real question isn’t whether to take the promotion at all. Maybe it’s, “What doessuccess actually mean to me?” The goal isn’t to use our coaching skills to steer someone toward the answer we think is right. It’s to expand their awareness enough that they can discover their own.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from [email protected] QuestionsWhat words such as should, have to, supposed to, always, ornever tend to get my attention when I am listening to someone?Where do the “shoulds” in my own life come from, and howoften do I stop to question them?How can I use reflection, observation, visualization, orother coaching skills to expand someone’s awareness without steering them toward my preferred outcome?When I think I see the answer for someone, how disciplinedam I about remaining curious instead of asking questions that subtly lead them there?What decision in my own life might look different if Istopped asking what I should do and instead asked what truly matters to me?
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  Relational Coach: What Should I Do? 06.10.2026 10min

  When someone asks, “What do you think I should do?” they may not actually be asking you to make the decision. They might be asking for reassurance, permission, certainty, encouragement, or simply a safe place to say what they are really thinking.In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when that question meets the Relational Coach. Trust and connection can create the safety someone needs to be honest, especially when what they want is different fromwhat they think they should want. But there is an important balance here. The stronger the relationship, the more weight our opinions can carry. Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is not give someone an answer, but createenough safety for them to hear their own.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from [email protected] QuestionsWhen someone asks me what I think they should do, howquickly do I assume they are actually asking for advice?How well do I listen for the need underneath the question,such as reassurance, permission, certainty, support, or simply a place to think out loud?When I care deeply about someone, am I ever tempted torescue them from the discomfort of making their own difficult decision?How might the trust someone places in me increase theinfluence of even a casual comment or opinion I share?How can I create a relationship that feels safe enough forsomeone to become more confident in hearing and trusting their own voice?
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  Structured Coach: What Should I Do? 05.10.2026 10min

  “What do you think I should do?” It sounds like such asimple question, but for a coach, it can open up a whole lot more. Do you give your opinion? Ask another question? Toss it right back to them with, “Well, what do YOU think you should do?” and hope for the best?In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when thisquestion meets the Structured Coach. Protecting someone’s ownership of their decisions matters, but coaching isn’t simply about following the rule that good coaches never give advice. Sometimes the more important question is what the person is really asking for. Do they want an answer, another perspective, reassurance, permission, or simply help thinking through something that feels too close to see clearly? Before we respond, we may need to get curious about the need underneath the question.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from [email protected] Reflection QuestionsWhat happens inside me when someone I am coaching asks,“What do you think I should do?”Do I have a tendency to give advice too quickly, or do Ibecome so committed to not giving advice that I miss what the person actually needs?What might someone really be asking for when they ask mewhat I think they should do?How could asking, “What would be most helpful about hearing my thoughts?” change the direction of a coaching conversation?How can I protect someone’s ownership, awareness,responsibility, and agency while still being fully present and helpful?
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  Integrated Coach: Repetitive Problem 02.10.2026 13min

  What if seeing the same problem again doesn’t mean you’reback at the beginning? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Integrated Coach. Growth isn’t always linear. Sometimes we notice sooner, recover faster, stay stuck for less time, or make a different choice even while an old pattern is still trying to get our attention.Integrated Coaching isn’t about making every conversationdeeper or more profound. It’s about having the freedom to use what the person actually needs right now, whether that is structure, relationship, observation, deeper exploration, or simple accountability. Because the goal isn’t for the coach to look transformational. The goal is for the person to grow.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to learn more about the Coaching Academy and get on the waiting list for an upcoming cohort? Visit ca.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsWhen a familiar problem returns, do I automatically assumewe are back at the beginning?How might I recognize growth even when an old patternappears again?What is different about how the person is noticing,responding to, or recovering from the pattern this time?How can I flex between structure, relationship, observation,deeper exploration, and accountability based on what the person actually needs?Instead of asking, “Why are we here again?” can I ask, “Whatdoes this person need from me right now?”
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  Transformative Coach: Repetitive Problem 01.10.2026 12min

  What if the behavior that makes absolutely no sense from theoutside makes perfect sense from the inside? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Transformational Coach. Instead of asking, “Why do you keep doing this?” we become curious aboutthe beliefs underneath the pattern.Sometimes accountability and care have been placed onopposite sides of the equation. Sometimes helping, rescuing, waiting, or avoiding feels completely logical because of what we believe about leadership, relationships, or ourselves. Transformational coaching helps someone discover anew way of seeing, because sometimes the recurring problem doesn’t need another solution. It needs new awareness.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to learn more about the Coaching Academy and get on the waiting list for an upcoming cohort? Visit ca.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsWhat might a person believe that makes a recurring behaviorcompletely logical from within their current awareness?When I see behavior that appears ineffective, can I remaincurious instead of wondering why the person has not changed it yet?What assumptions about leadership, relationships, conflict,responsibility, or identity might be underneath the pattern I am hearing?Am I helping the coachee discover a new way of seeing, or amI trying to give them my interpretation?What recurring problem might no longer need anothersolution, but instead a new awareness?
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  Skilled Coach: Repetitive Problem 30.09.2026 13min

  What if the problem that keeps showing up isn’t really theproblem at all? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Skillful Coach. Instead of treating each situation as an isolated event, this coach begins listening across conversations, noticing repeated language, behaviors, commitments, and responses that may reveal a larger pattern.But noticing the pattern doesn’t mean we get to decide whatit means. The coach can offer what they see, but the coachee remains the meaning maker. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is simply, “Here’s something I’m noticing. What do you notice?”Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to learn more about the Coaching Academy and get on the waiting list for an upcoming cohort? Visit ca.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsWhat patterns might I notice if I listen across coachingconversations instead of only to what is happening today?What words, behaviors, commitments, or responses seem torepeat for the people I coach?How can I offer an observation about a pattern withoutdeciding what that pattern means for the coachee?When I notice a pattern, am I genuinely curious about whatthe coachee sees, or am I hoping they will confirm what I already think?What recurring problem might become more useful if westopped treating each occurrence as an isolated event?
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  Relational Coach: Repetitive Problem 29.09.2026 9min

  What happens when someone keeps bringing back the sameproblem, but the problem might not actually be the whole story? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what changes when a recurring problem meets the Relational Coach. Instead of jumping straight into another solution, this coachslows down long enough to ask what the experience is actually like for the person.Because empathy and accountability are not opposites. We can create enough safety for someone to feel seen and understood while still inviting them to explore the choices they are making. Sometimes the most powerful coaching happens when there is room for both compassion and truth.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to learn more about the Coaching Academy and get on the waiting list for an upcoming cohort? Visit ca.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsHow well do I create space for someone to talk about what arecurring problem is actually like for them?Can I validate someone’s experience without removing theirresponsibility for their choices?When might my empathy unintentionally help a coachee staycomfortable instead of helping them grow?How comfortable am I inviting someone to explore why theydid not follow through without judgment or accusation?How can I create enough relational safety for bothcompassion and accountability to exist in the same conversation?
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  Structured Coach: Repetitive Problem 28.09.2026 11min

  Have you ever had someone bring you the same problem again and thought, “Wait... didn’t we already do this?” In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Structured Coach. Sometimes another goal, another plan, and another action step are exactly what someone needs. But sometimes they already know what to do, and the real coaching opportunity is hiding in the gap between knowing and doing.Instead of seeing repetition as evidence that coachingfailed, what if we treated it as new information? That shift from frustration to curiosity may reveal the very thing we missed the first time.Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! [email protected] to learn more about the Coaching Academy and get on the waiting list for an upcoming cohort? Visit ca.GrowBy1.com.Reflection QuestionsWhat happens inside me when a coachee brings back a problem we have already discussed?How quickly do I assume that we need another goal, anotherplan, or another solution?When someone knows what to do but still does not do it, howcurious am I about the gap between knowing and doing?What might the recurrence of a problem be telling me that Idid not notice the first time?How could my coaching change if I treated repetition as newinformation rather than evidence that something failed?
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  Integrated Coach: IDK 25.09.2026 12min

  Sometimes the wisest response is a deep question. Sometimes it is encouragement. Sometimes it is silence. And sometimes, for goodness’ sake, we just need to send the email.Growth does not always mean going deeper. Sometimes growth means knowing what this particular moment actually requires.We do not outgrow the simple things as we develop. We learnto use them differently. We become less interested in proving how much we know and more interested in paying attention to the person standing in front of us.That might be one of the most beautiful shifts we can makein any relationship. Instead of asking, “What should I say?” Instead of wondering, “How can I fix this?” Instead of searching for the perfect question, advice, solution, or profound insight, perhaps we can quietly ask ourselves: Whatdoes this person need from me right now?Sometimes the answer will surprise us. And sometimes theanswer will be beautifully, wonderfully [email protected] Reflection QuestionsHow freely can I move between structure, relationship,skill, and deeper exploration based on what the person in front of me needs?Do I ever make helping someone more complex or deeper than the moment actually requires?How well do I distinguish between the different thingssomeone might mean when they say “I don’t know”?What capacity do I have available that would best serve thisparticular person in this particular moment?Before I decide what to say or ask next, can I quietly askmyself, “What does this person need from me right now?”
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  Transformational Coach: IDK 24.09.2026 12min

  Sometimes the thing we are trying to change makes perfectsense when we understand what is underneath it. Maybe you keep saying yes because somewhere along the way, being capable became connected to doing everything. Maybe you struggle to create boundaries because disappointingsomeone feels like evidence that you have failed. Maybe you keep pushing yourself because slowing down raises a much bigger question:Who am I if I am not constantly proving myself?That is where things can get interesting. Real transformation does not require drama. Sometimes it is simply a quiet shift inawareness that allows us to see ourselves, our choices, and our possibilities differently. And once we see differently, we can choose differently. Maybe being capable does not mean doing everything. Maybe being a great leader meansmodeling the boundaries you encourage others to have. Maybe doing less does not make you less.Sometimes the most powerful change begins when we discover that the belief underneath our behavior is no longer one we want to [email protected] QuestionsWhat behavior in my life am I currently trying to changewithout exploring the belief underneath it?What belief, assumption, or expectation might make mycurrent behavior make perfect sense?Where have I connected my identity or worth to what I canaccomplish, handle, or do for others?Who might I become if I no longer needed to prove myself inthe ways I have in the past?What new choices might become possible if I allowed myselfto see this part of my life differently?
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  Skilled Coach: IDK 23.09.2026 11min

  Sometimes the problem we are trying to solve is not actuallythe problem. Someone says they are overwhelmed, so we help them manage their time.They keep saying yes, so we help them organize theircalendar. They have too much to do, so we help them prioritize. All useful things. Unless the real problem has nothing to do with time.Maybe underneath all that busyness is a fear ofdisappointing someone. Maybe saying no feels like admitting they are not capable. Maybe there is a pattern that keeps recreating the same problem, no matter how many planners, goals, calendars, or systems we throw at it.Sometimes growth comes from becoming curious enough tonotice what is underneath what we can easily see.The pause. The change in energy. The contradiction. The sentence we keep repeating. The thing we almost say and then quickly move away from. We do not always need more answers. Sometimes we need to notice [email protected] QuestionsWhat do I notice when a person says “I don’t know” beyondthe words themselves?How intentionally do I choose how to respond based on whatthis person needs right now?What patterns, contradictions, shifts in energy, or repeatedwords might I be missing?When might I be doing more helping than the moment actually requires?Am I helping someone create their own awareness, or am Isubtly steering them toward what I think I see?
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  Relational Coach: IDK 22.09.2026 9min

  There is a difference between making someone feel safe andmaking sure they never feel uncomfortable. That distinction matters.When someone we care about is struggling, our instinct maybe to rescue them. We reassure. We soften. We fill the silence. We try to make the uncomfortable feeling disappear.But sometimes discomfort is doing important work.Maybe the person already knows they need to say no. Maybethey know a boundary needs to be created. Maybe they are afraid of disappointing someone. Maybe they have spent so much of their life being the person everyone can count on that they are not quite sure who they would be without that role.Those realizations can be uncomfortable. They can also beincredibly important.Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give another personis enough safety to sit with what is uncomfortable without rushing to take it away. Sometimes we do not need to rescue. Sometimes we simply need to [email protected] QuestionsHow do I communicate safety when another person doesn’timmediately have an answer?How comfortable am I allowing someone to experiencediscomfort without rescuing them?When might my desire to make someone else comfortableactually interrupt their growth?How well do I allow silence to do some of the work in animportant conversation?What could become possible if I trusted the relationshipenough to give an answer time to emerge?
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  Structured Coach: IDK 21.09.2026 14min

  What happens inside you when someone responds to athoughtful question with three little words: “I don’t know”?Sometimes our instinct is to jump in. Ask another question.Offer some choices. Explain what we meant. Rescue the conversation. Anything to fill that slightly uncomfortable space.But what if “I don’t know” isn’t a problem to solve?Sometimes it means, “I’ve never thought about this before.”Sometimes it means, “I know, but I’m not ready to say it.” Sometimes it means, “I’m afraid of what my answer might require of me.” And sometimes, the person simply needs a little more time to think.There is tremendous value in having tools, processes, andstructures to help other people grow. But eventually, we have to learn when to stop reaching for the next tool and simply pay attention to the human being in front of us.Maybe “I don’t know” is not the end of the conversation.Maybe it is where the interesting part [email protected] QuestionsWhat happens inside you when someone responds to you with “I don’t know”?How quickly do you tend to fill silence when another personis thinking?When someone does not have an immediate answer, do you tend to ask another question, explain yourself, offer options, or try to help them find the answer?Where in your own life might “I don’t know” actually meanthat you need more time, safety, courage, or space to discover what you really think?What might change in your relationships if you became morecomfortable trusting another person’s process instead of trying to move it along?
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  What Do They Need From Me Right Now? 18.09.2026 13min

  After a whole week of learning different ways to helppeople, we arrive at Level Five of the Five Levels of Coaching and the wonderfully frustrating answer: it depends! Sometimes people need a question, sometimes connection, sometimes a challenge, and sometimes they need us tolovingly hush and sit beside them. Real mastery isn’t having one perfect way to help. It’s having a whole toolbox and enough humility, trust, and awareness to ask, “What does this person need from me right now?”[email protected] to become more intentional and effective in helpingother people grow? The Grow By 1 Coaching Academy is designed to help you learn, practice, reflect, receive feedback, and integrate these skills into your life. Learn more at ca.growby1.comReflection QuestionsWhen someone comes to me struggling, how do I decide what they need?Which of these five approaches feels most natural to me?Which approaches make me uncomfortable?How attached am I to seeing the people I help achieve theoutcome I think is best?Who am I becoming as someone other people trust with theirstruggles?
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  Maybe It's Not About Doing Anything 17.09.2026 11min

  What if the challenge in front of you isn’t only asking youto do something different, but to become someone different? In this episode, we explore Level Four of the Five Levels of Coaching and the move from awareness into transformation. Because the job, the relationship, the conflict, or even that dreaded algebra class might be about something much bigger than solving today’s problem. Sometimes life is quietly asking, “Who are you becoming through this?”[email protected] to go beyond good questions and develop the skills tocreate meaningful transformation? Join us in the Grow By 1 Coaching Academy at ca.growby1.comReflection QuestionsWhen I help someone, am I focused primarily on solving theimmediate problem?What might this challenge be inviting this person todevelop?Can I support someone’s growth without deciding who theyshould become?What changes when I ask, “Who are you becoming?” instead of only, “What are you going to do?”What challenge in my own life might be developing something in me right now?
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  What If The Problem Isn't The Problem? 16.09.2026 12min

  What if the thing you keep trying to fix isn’t actually theproblem? Plot twist! In this episode, we explore Level Three of the Five Levels of Coaching and the power of getting curious about the patterns underneath our problems. Instead of rushing toward an answer, what might happen if we askedbetter questions, noticed what keeps repeating, and allowed awareness to reveal something we couldn’t see [email protected] to become more skilled at helping people createmeaningful change? Join us in the Grow By 1 Coaching Academy at ca.growby1.comReflection QuestionsWhen someone repeatedly experiences the same problem, do I focus only on the current situation or consider the larger pattern?What recurring patterns do I notice in the people I help?Can I notice a pattern without deciding what it means forsomeone else?What questions help people become curious rather thandefensive?Where might I benefit from asking myself, “What keepshappening here?”
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  What If They Don't Need A Solution? 15.09.2026 10min

  What if the person you’re trying so hard to help doesn’tactually need your solution? Ouch. Sometimes people don’t need us to fix the problem, make the discomfort disappear, or share the brilliant story about how we handled something similar. Sometimes they simply need a safe place to tellthe truth. In this episode, we explore Level Two of the Five Levels of Coaching and the power of helping someone feel seen, heard, valued, and understood.Want to become more intentional in the way you coach,communicate, and connect with others? Join us in the Grow By 1 Coaching Academy at ca.growby1.comReflection QuestionsHow comfortable am I simply listening when someone I love isstruggling?Do I mistake helping for making someone’s discomfortdisappear?What do I tend to do when someone becomes emotional?Who in my life right now might need to feel heard more thanthey need my advice?What would change if I became more curious about someone’s experience before trying to change it?