Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want

Επεισόδια

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  Your Superpowers: Building Sexual Confidence From What You Already Do Well 21.09.2026 31λ

  You know what you struggle with in bed, and you're probably pretty hard on yourself about it. But if I ask what you're good at, do you go blank? Focusing on our deficits is just what brains do, but it costs us more than we think. You're not broken, and you are not starting from zero. I spend a lot of time on this show talking about what gets in the way. Shame, performance, the stories you absorbed about your body. That work matters. But there's a flip side that gets overlooked: you almost cer...
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  The Worth Wound: Why You're Attracted to People Who Don't Want You 14.09.2026 32λ

  I used to break up with the good ones. The kind, available, clearly-into-me ones. Not because I got bored. Because it made my skin crawl. I knew it was bad for me, but I didn't fully understand why I felt that way until I learned to feel worthy, twenty years later. This is the final episode in my series on attachment wounds and how they shape desire and relationship dynamics. Today's is the worth wound: the belief that love has to be earned. We talk about how this impacts relationships and, a...
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  How to Say No to Sex Without Rejecting Your Partner 07.09.2026 44λ

  She wanted more sex with her husband. She flirted. She invited him to bed. She was not subtle. And he had an entire set of moves for avoiding it. Staying up working late. Taking a very long shower and hoping she'd be asleep by the time he came to bed. Acting harried, a quick peck, roll over. He almost never said no out loud. He told me directly that he was avoiding saying it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. He thought that was the kind version. It was so much worse than a no would...
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  The Freedom Wound: Why You Say Yes When You Want to Say No 31.08.2026 22λ

  Picture someone who says yes to almost everything. They're helpful, they're loyal, they always show up. And yet there's always some reluctance. A headache. A tiredness. They take forever to get out the door. Underneath all that yes is a wagon load of resentment about being asked in the first place. This shows up in bed exactly the way it shows up everywhere else. They think they want intimacy. They say they want it, and they probably mean it. But when the moment comes, their body does somethi...
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  Penis Size, Performance Anxiety, and What Women Really Want 24.08.2026 42λ

  A man came to me because his marriage was close enough to over that they'd both used the word divorce. Underneath the resentment and the withdrawal and the fights about everything else was this: his erections came and went. Sometimes they softened partway through. Sometimes they didn't show up. That is normal. It happens to men at every age. But he was so ashamed of it that he avoided sex with his wife for ten years. She had guessed, and she had told him more than once that it did not matter ...
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  The Trust Wound: Why Being Vulnerable Feels So Dangerous 17.08.2026 28λ

  I used to chase accomplishment hard, and I dismissed soft skills and people skills entirely — mostly because I had no idea how to do them. I'd put on this dissociated charm self when I met new people, which wasn't connection at all. It was a disarming move. If I could charm you first, you couldn't get to me. Underneath all of it was a deep fear of being publicly rejected. A close colleague of mine has the same wound and it looked nothing like that from the outside. Hers came out as passive ag...
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  Is My Vagina Normal? Undoing Vulva and Labia Shame 10.08.2026 32λ

  Around 40, I realized I felt disgust about my own genitals. I'd been carrying middle school bullies' words about female bodies in my head for more than thirty years without ever once questioning them, and it wasn't until I started trying to reclaim my own sexuality that it smacked me in the face. It's very hard to feel pleasure in a part of your body you feel bad about. If any of that lands, you are in extremely good company, and I want you to know it is not personal, not yours alone, and not...
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  The Dependency Wound: When Care Was Never Something You Could Count On 03.08.2026 36λ

  One partner wants sex constantly and can't understand why they're being refused. The other has quietly stopped wanting it at all and feels like they're constantly being pestered. Most people assume these two have opposite problems. Often times, they don't. They have the same challenge underneath, but they are coping in different ways. We're going beyond the standard "anxious or avoidant" here. Most of us learned early on whether care was something we could count on, and when the answer was un...
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  Body Shame and Your Sex Life: It's Not Your Fault, and Only You Can Fix It 27.07.2026 33λ

  Body shame is pervasive, especially for women but increasingly for everyone, and it gets in the way of much more than how we feel in a swimsuit. It gets in the way of presence, pleasure, and our capacity for real connection. This is the first episode in a series I'm doing on body shame. If you've ever been so in your head about how you look that you couldn't stay present with a partner, or with yourself, this one is for you. I walk through where body shame actually comes from (spoiler: it's n...
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  The Safety Wound: When Your Body Was Never Home 20.07.2026 19λ

  Part 2 of the Attachment Wounds & Erotic Emotions Series Maybe you have a tendency to intellectualize or spiritualize your experience, but not always fully feel it. Or maybe you can only really arrive in your body when something intense is happening. This episode is about how that happens, how it shapes your erotic needs and the way you show up in intimacy, and what to do about it, if you choose. The safety wound is the earliest developmental wound we're covering in this series. It ...
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  Beyond Anxious and Avoidant: Here's What's Actually Driving Your Desires 13.07.2026 38λ

  That thing that turns you on but you've never quite been able to explain? Or the relationship dynamic you keep recreating? Those aren't random. And they aren't fully explained by your attachment style. This is the introduction episode for a series on attachment wounds and erotic desires. Before we get into the specific wound patterns, I'm laying the foundation — what attachment styles actually are, where they fall short, and how to understand attachment patterns beyond the standard (avoidant,...
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  What Makes a Great Lover? Research Shows It's These 8 Traits 06.07.2026 28λ

  If you're searching for how to be a better lover, chances are you're encountering a lot of opinions that aren't rooted in fact. Most of us absorbed a version of what makes a great lover without ever being taught it — from movies, porn, romance novels, and a culture that never corrects those images with reality. The result is a subconscious checklist that includes perfect technique, the right body, spontaneous chemistry, and orgasms that look like movie scenes. And most of us are quietly measu...
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  When Parenting Your Partner is Killing Your Desire 29.06.2026 34λ

  You love your partner. You're pretty sure you're still attracted to them. So why does your body say no — and why does it feel so connected to the fact that you've reminded them three times this week to do one thing? It is connected. The slow creep of feeling like your partner's parent is one of the most consistent desire-killers I see in my practice. In this episode I'm breaking down the three forms it takes, where each one comes from, and what actually moves the needle — whether you're the o...
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  Even Light Power Play Needs a Negotiation (Here's How to Make It Sexy) 22.06.2026 38λ

  Most people who are experimenting with power play and BDSM aren't doing anything extreme. They're just two people who trust each other, trying to "spice it up." But skipping the negotiation conversation because it feels like it has to be a mood killer is a rookie move that can lead to real problems. I'm not talking bruises here, I'm talking about emotional distance, shut down, and loss of libido. This episode is built around a real couple — smart, communicative, good at relationsh...
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  Joy and Pleasure After Sexual Self-Abandonment 15.06.2026 28λ

  Sexual self-abandonment is what happens when we stop having sex for ourselves. We may or may not actually stop having sex -- we might be doing it for someone else. For their desire, on their timeline, their idea of what sex should look like, while our own wants, our own pace, our own boundaries quietly went missing somewhere along the way. That's what this episode is about. How we get there — there are three really common pathways, and I've lived through all three myself — and more importantl...
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  What Two Feminist Relationship Coaches See in Heated Rivalry, with Maggie Reyes 08.06.2026 1ώ 3λ

  It's Pride Month, and I am celebrating with my dear friend and fellow feminist relationship coach Maggie Reyes by doing something I've been wanting to do anyway: sit down and talk about Heated Rivalry — the show, the books, why we love them, and what they actually teach us about real relationships. Beware: There be spoilers ahead, matey. This is a fun one, and it goes deeper than fangirling. Maggie and I both coach on many of the dynamics this show depicts — vulnerability, shame, the co...
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  From Avoiding Sex to Loving It: Real Client Data 01.06.2026 36λ

  If you've been wondering whether your sex life can actually be different, this is the evidence. This episode is like the before and after photos you've been needing that real people get real change. We're going into details about specific goals and what actually changes when people do real, structured work on desire, intimacy, and connection. Not inspiration. Not theory. Real people, real goals, real numbers — tracked from start to finish. In this episode: What people who come to...
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  The Last Place High Achievers Give Themselves Permission 25.05.2026 36λ

  You've solved harder problems than this. So why is this one still stuck? This episode is for the high achievers who have done real work on themselves — the therapy, the books, the hard conversations — and still can't get traction when it comes to desire, intimacy, and their closest relationships. It's not because you haven't tried hard enough. It's because you've been using the wrong tools for the wrong system. In this episode: Why capable, self-sufficient people are often the last to get hel...
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  Coming Home to Your Body: What Sexual Embodiment Actually Feels Like 18.05.2026 29λ

  Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their body, or their partner aren't broken. They're just exiled — from themselves. And nobody ever taught them the way back. This episode is about what it actually feels like when you find it. The felt sense of coming home to your own body's sexuality — as a resource, a grounding force, and the place from which real confidence, real connection, and real intimacy become possible. I was skeptical this even existed. Then my teacher demonstrate...
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  The Cult Dynamics Hiding Inside "Sacred Sexuality" Spaces — with Anke Richter 11.05.2026 49λ

  You don't have to join a compound to end up in a high-control group. Sometimes it starts with a neo-tantra festival. A weekend workshop. A community that feels like finally, finally, you found your people. Anke Richter is an international cult journalist, author of the bestseller Cult Trip (HarperCollins), and founder of Decult — the first cult awareness conference in Australasia. She spent six years inside ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) before becoming one of its most informed cr...