Sex, Secrets, & Sass

Episodios

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  Unlocking Emotional and Relational Wellness with Couples Therapist Alanna Esquejo 05.08.2026 33m

  Why can couples talk about schedules, bills, children, and whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, but completely freeze when the conversation turns to sex, emotions, or unmet needs?In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie and Krissy sit down with California-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Alanna Esquejo to explore what helps couples create greater emotional safety, communicate more honestly, and understand the deeper patterns shaping their relationships.Alanna shares how family-of-origin experiences, childhood adversity, trauma, and limited emotional vocabulary can influence the way partners connect, argue, disclose secrets, and navigate intimacy. She also offers practical strategies couples can use to become more curious, less defensive, and better able to talk about the things that typically remain unspoken.The conversation also explores infidelity, disclosure, relational agreements, consensual nonmonogamy, and why different partners may have very different definitions of secrecy and betrayal.In This EpisodeWhy Alanna enjoys working with couples and approaches therapy through a relational lensHow family-of-origin experiences shape communication, intimacy, and emotional expressionWhy conversations about sex are still so difficult for many couplesHow an emotion wheel can help partners identify and communicate what they are actually feelingThe connection between adverse childhood experiences, trauma, and adult relationship patternsWhy naming a specific emotion can reduce defensiveness and create greater understandingHow emotional safety supports more honest conversations about sex and intimacyThe importance of asking questions with genuine curiosity rather than accusationHow couples therapists navigate secrets, disclosure, and infidelityWhy partners may define privacy, secrecy, and betrayal differentlyThe role of clear relational agreements in both monogamous and consensually nonmonogamous relationshipsHow cultural and family messages influence comfort with sexualityA Communication Practice to TryWhen a difficult topic comes up, slow the conversation down and approach your partner with curiosity. Instead of assuming you already know what they meant, ask questions that help you understand their internal experience. Curiosity makes room for connection. Interrogation usually sends everyone’s protective parts scrambling for body armor.Resources MentionedHealing Together by Wayne KritzbergEmotion wheel https://www.feelingswheel.com/Gottman Method Couples TherapyEmotionally Focused TherapyConnect with Alanna EsquejoWebsite: https://therapywithalanna.com/Instagram: @therapywith_alannaConnect with the Hosts:Krissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.
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  Uncovering the Impact of Unresolved Grief on Women's Sexuality and Intimacy with Dr. Carolyn Alter 29.07.2026 30m

  In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie and Krissy explore how unresolved grief and parental ghosts can influence a woman’s intimate life. Special guest Dr. Carolyn Alter, a Chicago-based clinical psychologist, shares her insights on navigating major life transitions and healing the emotional shadows that can affect intimacy, relationships, and our connection to ourselves.Key Topics Covered:• How grief related to parental loss can impact women’s emotional health and intimacy• The metaphor of emotional shadows acting like a "chastity belt" in the bedroom• How unresolved grief can show up as sexual disconnection and difficulty with emotional regulation• The influence of early childhood loss on adult relationships and sexuality• Practical approaches for processing grief and reconnecting with the body• How internal mental models, or "blueprints," inherited from childhood can shape persistent patterns• Why healing deep-seated emotional shadows can be a long-term process• The significance of understanding cathaxis and its relationship to arrested emotional development and emotional regulation• The connection between unresolved grief, abandonment wounds, and fear of rejection• Ways to become more present and embodied during intimacyConnect with Dr. Carolyn Alter:🌐 Website: https://www.alterpsychpllc.com/📸 Instagram: @alterpsychpllcThis episode offers a deeper look at how unresolved grief can shape our intimate lives, often in ways we don’t immediately recognize. Whether you’re navigating your own grief or supporting someone you love, this conversation explores what it can look like to understand those emotional shadows, reconnect with your body, and create space for greater intimacy and connection.Connect with the Hosts:Krissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.
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  From College Drinking to Sobriety: Angie's Journey 22.07.2026 38m

  In this episode of Sex, Secrets, & Sass, Angie gets personal about her relationship with alcohol and the journey that eventually led her to sobriety.What started as college drinking gradually became something much bigger. Angie shares how alcohol continued to play a major role in her life long after college, the ways it affected her relationships and mental health, and the moment she finally admitted to herself that it was a problem.She opens up about what happened next, including the role therapy, support groups, and deeper self-exploration played in her recovery. Angie also talks about the connection between alcohol, trauma, and mental health, and what she began to uncover once alcohol was no longer there to numb, distract, or help her cope.Krissy and Angie also get into the growing sober curious movement and the idea that you don't have to hit a dramatic “rock bottom” to question your relationship with alcohol. Sometimes simply asking, Is this actually making my life better? can be a pretty powerful place to start.Angie reflects on how sobriety has changed her relationships, her connection with herself, her experience of sex and intimacy, and her ability to actually be present for her own life.In This EpisodeAngie's early relationship with alcohol and college drinkingHow drinking changed after collegeRecognizing the impact alcohol was having on her life and relationshipsThe moment she admitted she needed to stopThe role of therapy and support in recoveryThe connection between trauma, mental health, and alcohol useNavigating the challenges of early sobrietyThe sober curious movement and questioning our cultural relationship with alcoholRediscovering joy without drinkingHow sobriety affected Angie's relationships, sex life, and connection with herselfWhat Angie would say to someone questioning their own relationship with alcoholMentioned in This EpisodeSober Curious by Ruby WarringtonA book exploring our relationship with alcohol and what life can look like when we begin questioning drinking culture.Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Peer support and recovery resources for people who want to stop drinking.About Sex, Secrets, & SassSex, Secrets, & Sass is where therapists Krissy Johnson and Angie Martin talk about the things we're all thinking about but don't always say out loud. Sex. Relationships. Secrets. Shame. Mental health. Double lives. And all the gloriously complicated stuff that comes with being human.Connect with the Hosts:Krissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or substance use, professional support is available. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not a substitute for mental health or medical treatment.
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  Navigating Sobriety and Sexuality: Insights with Dr. Lori Nabors 15.07.2026 35m

  Are you curious about reducing alcohol consumption but unsure where to start? In this episode, Dr. Lori Nabors, a virtual psychologist specializing in sober curiosity, shares practical insights on questioning drinking habits, understanding the impact of alcohol on women, and exploring the connection between alcohol and sex—all without shame.Main Topics Covered:Understanding sober curiosity and why it’s gaining momentum among professional womenThe concept of micro experiments: trying small changes in drinking habitsKey statistics about alcohol consumption and its effects on women’s bodiesThe difference between alcohol use disorder and being an alcoholicThe impact of alcohol on sexual experiences and consentOvercoming shame and stigma associated with drinking, especially for womenStrategies for tracking and measuring alcohol intake accuratelyThe cultural normalization of "liquid courage" and its effects on relationshipsResources and Connect with Guest:Curiosity Distilled: A 6-week group for women questioning their drinking. No rock bottom required. Just honest curiosity about your relationship with alcohol, alongside other women exploring the same thing. Find out more about Dr. Lori at https://www.drlorinabors.com/ and book your free Curiosity Brewing Consult at https://drlorinabors.clientsecure.me Understanding Alcohol Consumption GuidelinesThis episode emphasizes self-compassion and curiosity as tools for exploring your relationship with alcohol, sexuality, and health. Remember, change begins with understanding and kindness toward yourself.Connect with the Hosts:Krissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.
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  The Double Life That Led Me Here (Part 2): Finding My Voice Again 08.07.2026 39m

  This is Part 2 of Krissy's story.Last week, Krissy shared the secret she'd been hiding for years and the impossible choice she faced when an ex threatened to expose it. This week, she picks up where that story left off.Krissy shares what happened after telling her family the truth, how she began rebuilding her life, and the winding path that eventually led her from sex work to becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist.Together, Krissy and Angie explore shame, identity, healing, and what it really means to reclaim your own story.In this episode:• What happened after the secret came out• Rebuilding relationships with family• The journey from sex work to therapy• Why telling the truth can be both terrifying and freeing• How sharing our stories helps others feel less aloneIf this conversation resonated with you, we'd love it if you'd follow the show, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who could use the reminder that your past doesn't get the final word.Connect with the HostsKrissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 www.newapproachmentalhealth.com📸 Follow Sex, Secrets, & Sass on Instagram: @gensexers⭐ If this conversation resonated with you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Your support helps us keep these conversations going.
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  The Double Life That Led Me Here: From Sex Worker to Therapist (Part 1) 01.07.2026 42m

  Before Krissy became a therapist helping women navigate secrets, betrayal, and impossible relationship decisions, she had secrets of her own.In this deeply personal episode, Krissy shares the winding path from studying opera and musical theater to working in the sensual massage industry, living a double life, and eventually becoming the therapist she is today.We explore shame, survival, identity, boundaries, and the moments that changed the direction of her life. Krissy also opens up about what it was like carrying a secret for years, why she ultimately decided to tell her story publicly, and how those experiences shaped the way she works with clients today.This conversation isn't about having all the answers. It's about what happens when we stop hiding, begin listening to ourselves, and realize our past doesn't have to define our future.If you've ever carried a secret, questioned your worth because of your past, or wondered whether healing and a fresh start were still possible, this conversation is for you.In this episode, we discuss:Krissy's early dream of becoming a professional singerHow divorce unexpectedly changed the direction of her lifeEntering the sensual massage industry and living a double lifeThe role boundaries played in keeping her emotionally and physically safeShame, secrecy, and the emotional cost of hidingThe experiences that ultimately led her to become a therapistWhy our past doesn't have to determine our futureDon't Miss Part 2This is Part 1 of Krissy's story. Next week, the secret she'd worked so hard to protect is suddenly at risk of being exposed, forcing her to confront a decision that would change the course of her life.Connect with the HostsKrissy Johnson, LMFT🌐 https://www.inthelifetherapy.comAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC🌐 https://www.newapproachmentalhealth.comFollow Sex, Secrets, & Sass for new episodes every Wednesday. If this conversation resonated with you, we'd love it if you'd subscribe, leave a review, and share the episode with someone who might need to hear it.
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  Sex, Patriarchy, and Women's Pleasure: Unpacking Cultural Myths and Medical Misses 24.06.2026 29m

  Note: This episode emphasizes open dialogue about female sexuality, debunking myths, and promoting personal empowerment. Listener discretion advised for explicit topics.Join Angie and Krissy as they explore how patriarchy has historically shaped perceptions of female sexuality, from medieval myths to modern medical blind spots. This episode dives into surprising facts about sexual satisfaction, the definition of sex, and the cultural expectations placed on women, offering a candid look at how societal norms influence our intimate lives.Key Topics:Impact of patriarchy on heterosexual sex and women’s pleasureThe true definition of sex beyond penetrationHow medical research historically marginalized women’s sexualityThe evolution of beauty standards and their cultural implicationsMarital rape laws and the fight for women’s rights over their bodiesThe significance of language in shaping gender norms (“pregnant” vs. “they’re pregnant”)Challenging myths: semen as nourishment, women’s openness in medieval timesThe role of societal expectations in women faking pleasureHistorical misconceptions about women’s sexuality from Aristotle to modern timesHow societal and legal changes influence women’s autonomy todayThe Impact of Patriarchy on Heterosexual Sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObKOm_igUcMEleanor Janega and her website Going Medievalhttps://going-medieval.com/ where you can find her book The Once and Future Sex: Going Medieval on Women’s Roles in Society and other essays like the two below:https://going-medieval.com/2017/05/26/on-women-and-desire/https://going-medieval.com/2019/05/16/on-sex-logic-and-being-the-subject/Esther Perel, where you can learn more about her and her workhttps://www.estherperel.com/Anatomy of The Clitoris 1.O’CONNELL HE, SANJEEVAN KV, HUTSON JM. ANATOMY OF THE CLITORIS. Journal of Urology [internet]. 2005 Oct 1 (cited 2026 Jun 22); 174 (4 Part 1):1189-95. Available from: https://doi.org/10.1097/01.ju.0000173639.38898.cdDomestic Violence Services Network, Inc.https://www.dvsn.org/maritalrape/Krissy Johnson, LMFTAngie Martin, LCPC, LMHC
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  Exploring Sex, Secrets and Sass 17.06.2026 32m

  In the inaugural episode of Sex, Secrets and Sass, hosts Krissy Johnson and Angie Martin, both therapists, explore the complexities of sexuality, relationships, and the impact of menopause on women's lives. They share their personal journeys, discuss their professional niches, and delve into the societal taboos surrounding aging and sexual health.