The 10 Ninety Podcast

Jaksot

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  #202 - Chandra Roberson 27.07.2026 1t 25min

  In this episode with The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason sits down with Chandra Roberson, a licensed mental health counselor who has faced extraordinary loss — losing her mother at 14, her first husband Brad to cancer, and most recently her second husband Conrad to a sudden stroke in 2023. Chandra opens up about navigating complicated grief, blended family challenges, the impact of CTE from Conrad's football career, and making impossible medical decisions while separated. Through it all, she shares hard-won wisdom on love, forgiveness, faith, and finding beauty in the broken. A deeply moving and honest conversation about what it means to keep going.
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  #201 - Stephanie Johnson 20.07.2026 1t 16min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason sits down with Stephanie Johnson, a mother of six from Arizona navigating two devastating realities at once. In October 2025, she lost her brother Loren to a drug overdose. Weeks later, her four-year-old son Nikolai was diagnosed with Hunter Syndrome — a rare genetic disorder affecting roughly 1 in 1 million male births that causes progressive neurological decline, with most children not surviving past their teenage years. Stephanie talks openly about grief, guilt, the fight to find treatment, and what it means to stay present when the future feels impossible.
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  #200 - Joshua Legg 07.07.2026 1t 27min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Joshua Legg. What starts as a fun deep dive into Wolverine, X-Men, and the Marvel universe quickly becomes something much more profound. Joshua opens up about his younger brother Jake, who struggled with bipolar disorder and took his own life in June 2019. Joshua shares how collecting Marvel cards became one way of staying connected to Jake's memory, and how that grief shaped his online community, his response to hate, and his commitment to showing love to everyone he meets.
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  #199 - Faith Sawyer 29.06.2026 1t 10min

  It was so great having my niece Faith on to talk about her story. It's weird how the same tragedy in our family hits everyone a little differently. I can't really imagine what it's like to lose my dad and my brother when I was 16, as well as my aunt, and two cousins.  As the uncle, I would like to be a good example but I have always been impressed with Faith and Ran's resiliency. I just kind of checked out of life for a while but they had to go back to school and do math homework and get jobs and try to go to the school dance and I just never understood how they could do any of it. ❤️  Love you Faith. You are one of my heroes❤️
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  #198 - Kim Sanford 20.06.2026 1t 26min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason Sawyer sits down with Kim Sanford — a competitive breakaway roper, former addict, and grief advocate. Kim shares the story of TJ Larson, her partner of seven years who battled meth addiction and stage four cancer before dying in a confrontation with police. She reflects on surviving profound loss, navigating grief over 11 years, and how amor fati — loving one's fate — became her framework for rebuilding. A raw, honest conversation about addiction, death, and resilience.
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  #197 - Connie Raschke 12.06.2026 1t 41min

  In this episode of the 10 Ninety podcast, Connie Raschke shares the heartbreaking and inspiring story of her husband, Chris Raschke — a passionate land speed racer, dedicated ARP employee, and beloved father and grandfather from Ventura, California. Chris spent years as a crew member for the legendary Speed Demon race team before stepping into the driver's seat himself, ultimately earning the rare and coveted black hat by setting a 459 mph record at the Bonneville Salt Flats in 2024. Just months later, a tragic tire failure during a shakedown run at Bonneville took his life on August 3rd, 2025. Connie opens up about the chaotic, surreal moments after the accident, the crushing grief that followed, her commitment to counseling and mental health support, and the safety advocacy work she's doing through the Chris Raschke Legacy Foundation. This is a powerful conversation about love, loss, purpose, and resilience.
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  #196 - Derek Wayman 03.06.2026 1t 19min

  In this episode of the 10 Niney Podcast, host Mason sits down with Derek Wayman. Derek opens up about growing up as the youngest sibling to his brother Robert, who lived with severe cerebral palsy for 24 years before passing away in 2013. Derek shares raw, honest reflections on grief, guilt, childhood trauma, depression, and suicidal ideation — while also finding humor, hope, and hard-won wisdom in the journey. A deeply moving conversation about loss, resilience, and learning to carry what life gives you.
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  #195 - Kamisha Allen and Brie Ocea 19.05.2026 1t 18min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Kamisha Allen and Brie Osha. Kamisha lost her son J'Wan 12 years ago at the Salt River in Phoenix, Arizona. Brie lost her two-year-old son Romeo to a drowning accident at an apartment complex in Tracy, California. Both of them know a grief most people around them will never understand. Kamisha talks about the fog that came over her, the service she planned in a week while barely being there, the moment she looked up at the ceiling and couldn't tell you what happened at her own son's funeral. Brie talks about the numbness — the anesthesia her body put her under — and how four years later, it's still slowly wearing off. Both of them know the guilt that lives underneath the loss.  Kamisha opens up about her suicidal thoughts, the dream where God showed her a spiderweb full of people she didn't know yet, and how the HP Foundation pulled her toward something when she had nothing left. Brie talks about the nurse at the hospital who told her to get a journal before her brain started protecting her from it — the green journal she still has, the memories she reads back to herself so she doesn't lose them.  They talk about the signs. Kamisha's feathers on the doorstep. Brie's butterflies and the overheard conversation that answered something she'd been asking in her head. The little girl in the Dollar Tree who asked if Kamisha had a son, said everything was going to be okay, and wasn't in the store when Kamisha went to look for her. The Taylor Swift song that came on in the bridal boutique — "Romeo, save me" — while Brie was trying on a white dress. Both of them have too much evidence to explain away.  And they both talk about living in two worlds at once — the one where your kid is gone, and the one where life just keeps going anyway. The paradox of finding purpose inside the worst thing that ever happened to you. The fear of forgetting. The guilt of being happy. The question of whether you're doing grief wrong — and what it means that neither of them can answer it, but both of them keep showing up. Kamisha's grandson looks just like Jawan. Brie's daughter looks just like Romeo. Twelve years in, four years in — the weight doesn't leave. But you get stronger. And you figure out how your son would want you to be. Both Brie and Kamisha are great examples of remembering to.. "Be gentle with yourself." There's no right way to do grief.  Grief is unique to each person because the love we share with the ones we lose is as a unique as the grief we carry.
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  #194 - Kamisha Allen 14.05.2026 1t 3min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Kamisha Allen, a Phoenix, Arizona mother and founder of the HP Foundation — and the mom of J'Wan, a 21-year-old son she lost to a drowning accident 12 years ago. J'Wan was a football player, a scholar, a Harry Potter reader, and the person who changed everything about who Kamisha was. He was family-first, a jokester, and the reason she became someone worth being. She also almost lost him to a seizure years before the water took him — and she never saw it coming either time. Kamisha talks about what it was actually like to get that call — the phone she didn't want to answer, the knock on the door, the moment in the convenience store where she had to identify his tattoos and couldn't hold it together anymore. She gets into the guilt of letting him move in with his dad, the suicidal thoughts that followed, and the car crash that didn't kill her — and why she believes it wasn't supposed to. She also gets into grief, the dark tunnel of it, and what it actually means to find the light. She talks about the angel in the Dollar Tree, the green journal she still has, and how a little girl said the exact right thing and then disappeared. She talks about building the HP Foundation out of grief she wasn't done with yet, covering burial costs for families who lost children without life insurance, and sitting in rooms with other parents who get it in a way no one else can. And she talks about the neck tattoo that started as a bad decision and ended as scripture. About Harry Potter. About her grandson who looks just like J'Wan. About 12 years in — how the weight doesn't leave, but you get stronger carrying it. This one takes you to the dark and brings you back. "Be gentle with yourself."
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  #193 - Matt Meo 05.05.2026 1t 46min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Matt Meo, a Sacramento-area father and the dad of Landon — a 10-year-old boy who died of brain cancer in December 2022. Landon was funny, kind to everyone, and relentlessly trash-talked his dad. He went commando to his MRI, called out nurses who were moving too slow, had a signature move with his Pokemon cards, and called himself the Kickass Kid. He was also doing the hardest thing imaginable, and somehow got stronger doing it. Matt talks about what it was actually like to watch his son live and die with cancer — the diagnosis that started with a word he still hates ("finding"), the MRI that changed everything, the sliver of hope that came through while boarding a plane to Disneyland, and the final 48 hours at home. He gets into the guilt that crept in at the worst possible moment, the fork in the road that came when Landon died, and what it looks like to actually go down the good path instead of the bad one. He also gets into porn addiction — what made it an addiction, how childhood cancer didn't fix it, and how 6,000 miles of running mostly did. He talks about the experiment of pushing himself past his limits, the dream about Landon he had to earn, and why where you most want to find something is usually where you least want to look. And he talks about raising money for cancer families by running 240 miles to the Pacific Ocean — and why not crossing the finish line was the whole point. This one goes everywhere and earns every minute of it. "What we most want to find is where we least want to look."
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  #192 - Katy Lee 30.04.2026 1t 4min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Katy Lee, a St. George native and one of six siblings — five girls, one boy. That boy was her brother Brandon. Brandon was 46 when he died from COVID in 2021. He was sarcastic, hilarious, and hard to love in all the best ways. He watched Maids in a hospital bed, made smashed potatoes from TikTok recipes, and had a one-liner for everything. He also spent years battling addiction, almost died of an overdose the year before, and spent his last year feeling more like himself than he had in a long time. Katy talks about what it was actually like to watch someone die in a COVID ICU — making life-and-death decisions over the phone, sneaking into the hospital when it wasn't her day, feeding her brother food he couldn't cut himself. She talks about grief that didn't look like grief, the guilt that came with relief, and why she didn't cry for a long time and why that's okay. She also gets into trauma therapy, scheduling grief like an appointment, dark humor as a coping tool, and why talking about it — even four years later — still does something for her that nothing else does. This one wanders a little and earns every minute of it. "What we talk about, we can begin to control. What we don't talk about continues to control us."
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  #190 - Kathi Lyman-Richmond 23.04.2026 1t 43min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Kathi Lyman-Richmond to talk about her son Logan — an 18-year-old who loved GEZ, tattoos, hot tea, long drives, and making everyone around him feel like they mattered. From the moment Logan was born premature at 26.5 weeks — on Kathi's own birthday — she carried a feeling she could never shake: that she would lose him young, in a car accident, in high school. She never let it stop her from letting him live. They walk through Logan's last days. A fresh haircut. A trip to the grocery store where he quietly slipped outside to help an elderly woman load her car without being asked. Easter candy and one episode of a Netflix show the night before. One last long hug the morning he got his keys back — tighter than usual — and a big smile as he drove off to school and work. That evening, something pulled Kathi to check his location. The car wasn't moving. She drove to the scene and knew before anyone said a word. What followed was grief in all its forms — the football coach who showed up in a big way, the close friends who quietly disappeared, the physical toll her body is still paying seven years later, and the signs she believes Logan still sends. They also read the poem written by Julian Grant, an 11th grader who somehow put Logan's light into words better than most adults could. This one is honest, raw, and worth every minute. "Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." — Logan
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  #191 - Matt Richmond 23.04.2026 1t 6min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Matt Richmond — stepfather, family man, and the guy who taught Logan Lyman how to shave, skateboard, snowboard, and bodyboard in five-foot Hawaiian surf. Matt came into Logan's life when he was eight years old. No pressure, no agenda — just chips in the truck, four-wheeling at the lake, and doing "guy" stuff together. What followed was the father-son bond Matt had always wanted and never quite had. They talk through what it's like to be a man carrying grief. To have dinner with your kid, exchange texts about food poisoning as a joke, and get the call an hour and a half later. To pull up to an accident scene and know before anyone says a word. To wake up the next morning and genuinely not know if it was real. Matt opens up about the daze that lasted a year, the anger that replaced it, and the 80-hour work weeks he's been running for seven years since — keeping busy, keeping her taken care of, keeping it together the only way he knows how. He talks about the what-if game, the things that still stop him cold, and why he doesn't care if anyone sees him cry. He also shares what men don't say enough: that bottling it up doesn't make you stronger. It just makes your fuse shorter. "I was proud of him. I still am." — Matt
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  #189 - Keshia Sawyer 15.04.2026 1t 32min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with his sister-in-law Keshia Sawyer.  This episode is dedicated to Franki, Riggins, Rider, Race, and Kortni, the family members they lost in a devastating car accident four and a half years ago. Keshia has been in the thick of it ever since the accident.  Learning how to parent Ran and Faith through unimaginable loss and carrying the weight of doing it without Race. Keshia and Mason swap tender stories about the people they loved before diving into the honest, messy reality of what grief actually looks like years later: the progress, the setbacks, the guilt, and the moments that still break you open. They revisit the night of the accident and talk about the unanswered calls, the voicemail, the collapse on the sidewalk, and the moment everything changed forever. It's a conversation about survival, about love, and about what it means to keep showing up even when everything tells you not to.
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  #188 - Ryan Garner 08.04.2026 1t 27min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Ryan Garner. This episode is dedicated to his and Denise's first pup, Albus. Ryan and Denise had to say goodbye to Albus in October of 2025. Ryan helps Mason with production, social media, and the odds and ends of The 10 Ninety Foundation. He spends hours editing episodes about grief, loss, and survival. He talks about what it's like to witness those stories, and how it's quietly changed the way he sees people, the world, and himself. He opens up about losing his dog Albus, who battled lymphangiectasia for years, and the grief that followed — including how little space the world tends to make for that kind of loss. It's an honest conversation about what it means to sit with other people's pain, learn from it, and still figure out how to show up for your own.
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  #187 - Chris Craven and Jessica McInnes 30.03.2026 1t 40min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with two parents whose lives were forever changed by the loss of their children — and who found an unexpected connection through that shared grief. Chris Craven lost her son Wyatt just days before his sixth birthday after a seven-month fight with AML, a rare and aggressive blood cancer. Jessica McInnes lost her 15-year-old son Race in just 48 hours, after a brain tumor was discovered only when it was already too late. Two very different journeys. One unimaginable heartbreak. Together, Mason, Chris, and Jessica have an unfiltered conversation about what it really means to live after loss: The quiet, enduring loneliness that never fully fades Why grief can make you feel like you're losing your mind — and why that's part of being human The question no parent should ever have to consider: is it harder to lose slowly, or instantly? Guilt, second-guessing, and the mind's need to find meaning in the unexplainable How losing a child reshapes your identity, your relationships, and your view of the world The unexpected role of humor in surviving the darkest moments Signs, spirituality, and the hope (or question) of something beyond this life What truly helps — and what doesn't — when someone you love is facing the unthinkable Seven years out. Three and a half years out. The grief doesn't go away — but it changes shape. And somehow, so do you. This is a conversation about loss, yes — but also about connection, resilience, and the ways we keep going when life doesn't make sense. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode includes discussions of child loss, cancer, grief, and death.
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  #186 - Jessica Roehm Mays 23.03.2026 1t 32min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica Mays.  Jessica lost her husband Jodi and four-year-old son Jace on November 20, 2014. Jessica's husband Jodi suffered a traumatic brain injury in an oil field accident in 2010, leaving him fully disabled and prone to daily blackout episodes. Jessica became his full-time caregiver, working to carry their benefits while raising their newborn son and navigating years of medical uncertainty. Four years after the accident Jessica's son Jace got sick right before his fourth birthday and eventually Jessica and Jodi were forced with the decision to remove Jace from life support. After Jace's passing, and hours later, Jodi took his own life. Jessica opens up about how calm Jodi was in the moments before he made that decision.  It was a stillness she believes was a divine encounter.  She talks about losing two people she loved in two completely different ways on the same day. She shares the survivor's guilt of staying, the impossible timelines the world places on grieving people, and the unexpected shame that came when she fell in love again. Jessica shares how she manages to carry joy and grief while she continues on. She talks about her remarriage to Casey, the three children she never thought she'd have. She shares her stained glass metaphor for grief: broken pieces that we get to choose how to reassemble, with light always coming through. It's a raw conversation about compounding loss, the courage it takes to choose joy, and the brutal, beautiful reality that sometimes the people we've lost need us to stay — because the only way the world will ever know them is through us.
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  #185 - Hailey Steck 18.03.2026 1t 19min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Hailey Steck, a St. George resident and mother of five, to talk about one of the most unimaginable losses a parent can face—and what it takes to keep going. Hailey shares the story of her daughter Cammie, who passed away on April 15, 2021 at just nine years old in a tragic accident at home. Cammie—full of personality, known for telling strangers she liked their shirt, and a lover of animals, dancing, and big hugs—had only had the family's new dog, Autumn, for a few months. The day she died, she had asked her mom to do her hair before dance class, said "I love you more," and ran upstairs to clean her room. Hailey walks through the events of that afternoon in full—finding Cammie, performing CPR, the paramedics, the ER, and saying goodbye. She opens up about the guilt and the what-ifs that followed, the sleepless nights, and the strange disorientation of planning a funeral in three days while the rest of the world kept moving. She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the way it never fully leaves, the loneliness that lives inside it even when you're surrounded by people, and how catastrophic loss reshapes the way you parent, the way you speak, and the way you see what actually matters. Hailey shares how faith, community, spin class, and eventually pursuing a master's degree in marriage and family therapy have helped her find footing—and purpose—in the aftermath. Together, Mason and Hailey talk about: • What the day of Cammie's death actually looked like • Performing CPR on your own child • The guilt and judgment parents face after a child dies at home • How grief changes the way you use language • The loneliness of loss—even inside a full life • Finding meaning through helping others • The death of a marriage after the death of a child • Why vulnerability and sharing stories helps people feel less alone • How surviving the worst thing gives you a strange kind of fearlessness Today, Hailey is in the final year of her master's program in marriage and family therapy, focused on emotionally focused therapy and helping others through connection. She carries Cammie with her every day—and she's still out there telling people she likes their shirt. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of child death, accidental home injury, grief, divorce, and PTSD
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  #184 - Catie Hockenbury Part 2 18.03.2026 1t 14min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits back down with Catie Hockenbury for part two of their conversation about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going. Picking up where they left off, Catie goes deeper into the losses that have defined her life. Her daughter Maya was stillborn in 2016 after a traumatic delivery in which Catie's own life hung in the balance. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, the father of her oldest child, Connor, died by suicide at 19. In this continuation, Catie walks through the full story of Oliver's birth—an emergency C-section that left her numb from the neck down and terrified—and the nine months she had with him before losing him suddenly. She shares the details of that night: finding him, the first responders, saying goodbye, and the guilt and judgment that followed. She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the intrusive images that never fully leave, the question of whether to see your child's body, and how catastrophic loss reshapes faith and identity. Catie opens up about ketamine therapy, the shift from chasing happiness to just seeking peace, and why she wouldn't trade a single one of her nine months with Oliver. Together, Mason and Catie talk about: • What the night of Oliver's death actually looked like • The complicated grief of stillbirth vs. infant loss • When faith no longer holds after tragedy • Ketamine therapy as a path through grief • Carrying your children with you every day • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Finding purpose on the other side of the unthinkable Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.
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  #183 - Catie Hockenbury Episode 1 04.03.2026 2t 4min

  In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Catie Hockenbury about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going. Catie's life has been shaped by profound grief. Her daughter Maya died during childbirth in 2016 after a catastrophic placental abruption. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, Connor, the father of her first child, died by suicide at 19. Connor was a funny, goofy kid who loved Metallica and deeply cared for those around him. After his parents' divorce and a painful rejection, his mental health spiraled. Despite people trying to help, he lost his battle with depression—leaving behind a young son and a family searching for answers. Years later, Catie experienced another devastating loss when her daughter Maya was stillborn at full term. Despite repeatedly telling medical staff something was wrong, she was sent home twice. During the traumatic delivery, Catie's organs began failing, her heart rate dropped to 19 beats per minute, and she died on the table—before being revived with multiple shots of epinephrine. She held Maya for 24 hours before saying goodbye. Then in 2023, Catie lost her son Oliver to Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID). Though the cause was never determined, she believes Oliver's death ultimately gave her the strength to leave an abusive marriage and reclaim her life. Together, Mason and Catie talk about: • The ripple effects of suicide and the pain families carry • When the medical system fails to listen • What it's like to die and come back • The weight of unanswered questions after SUID • Grief inside abusive relationships • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Turning unimaginable pain into purpose Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone. ⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.