How To Deal

Epizode

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  #33 Nerd Notes | Co-Regulating with Our Neurodivergent Children 07.08.2026 21min

  In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) unpacks one of the most misunderstood intersections in modern parenting: raising a neurodivergent child while trying to break generational cycles. With personal stories from parenting her own AuDHD daughter, Eli walks through the full sensory landscape — including the three "hidden" senses — and explains how to adapt secure attachment practices to meet your neurodiverse child where they actually are.Key TakeawaysNeurodivergent kids experience the world through a different sensory prism — not just the classic 5 senses, but also neuroception, interoception, and proprioception. Understanding which senses your child is over- or under-sensitive to changes everything about how you approach their meltdowns.Empathy that works for neurotypical kids can amplify distress in neurodivergent kids. When a neurodivergent child is already flooded across multiple sensory systems, offering big gooey empathy can escalate — not soothe — their dysregulation.Accommodation is not permissive parenting. Adjusting your child's environment to match their nervous system's needs is scaffolding, not weakness. The goal is gradual growth at the stage they can handle it.Believe them. If your child says the lights are too bright, the smell is too strong, or the touch is too much — believe them. Their nervous system is telling the truth, even if it doesn't match your experience.Community is a survival tool. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires more regulation, more support, and more stamina than neurotypical parenting — and you cannot generate that alone.Secure attachment with a neurodivergent child looks different. A child running to their cozy corner instead of into your arms is not rejecting you — it's their nervous system seeking the regulation it needs. Your job is to follow slowly and ask what they need.Resources Mentioned🔗 Big Little Feelings (Kristin Gallant) — "Believe them" — https://biglittlefeelings.com🔗 AuDHD: Understanding Autism + ADHD Co-Occurrence — Child Mind Institute explainer: https://childmind.org/article/what-is-audhd/🔗 Interoception & Sensory Processing Challenges — Understood.org: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/interoception-and-sensory-processing-challenges🔗 The 8 Senses Explained for Neurodivergent Kids — Neurodivergent Insights: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/8-senses/🔗 Weighted Stuffed Animals for Autism & Sensory Regulation — Autism Parenting Magazine: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autism-and-stuffed-animals/🔗 Secure Parenting Program (includes monthly Neurodivergent Support Group): https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #32 How to Deal with a Spicy One | With Mary Van Geffen 31.07.2026 40min

  Episode SummaryEli sits down with international parenting coach and author Mary Van Geffen to talk about raising "spicy ones" — those intense, strong-willed, wonderfully complex children who need more than most parenting books can offer. Together they unpack what it means to be the parent of a spicy child, how our own childhood wounds get triggered by these kids, and what it actually looks like in the messy, real moments to stay regulated and connected.Key TakeawaysA "spicy one" is a child who is more loyal to their own soul than to your adult agenda — and that's actually a gift, not a defect.Our spicy, strong-willed children are heat-seeking hovercrafts for whatever is unhealed inside of us.You cannot regulate a threat — if your nervous system reads your child as danger, you must build your own capacity first.During a violent meltdown: be the calmest person in the room, use your body not your words, and create a physically safe environment.Playfulness — not threats, not logic — is often the fastest route back from the edge of dysregulation.Your child's emotional intensity is not premeditated aggression; it is an "emotional seizure" they are also helpless to.Stop making your spicy child "digestible" to others. Your job is to make them feel unconditionally and wholly loved.Accepting how your child connects (not how you wish they would) is one of the most loving things you can do.We need to live in hope, not fear, with our spicy ones — the script we write for them shapes their future.The qualities we find hardest to manage in our children are often the very things we were shamed for in ourselves.About the GuestMary Van Geffen is an international parenting coach for Moms of Spicy Ones® and a Spicy One herself. She is a certified Simplicity Parenting Counselor® and Professional Co-Active Coach® who has transformed the lives of over 8,000 families through her group coaching and on-demand digital courses. Her new book, Parenting a Spicy One, is a compassionate guide for raising deep-feeling, wonderfully strong-willed kids.🌐 Website: https://www.maryvangeffen.com📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen📖 Book Page: https://www.maryvangeffen.com/parentingaspicyonebookResources MentionedBooks📗 Parenting a Spicy One by Mary Van Geffen — Amazon | Author's Site📘 Parenting by Connection (booklet series) by Patty Wipfler / Hand in Hand Parenting — Amazon📙 Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler — Amazon📕 Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke (mentioned in passing) — Amazon📗 Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto (mentioned in passing) — AmazonResearch🧠 Maternal Brain Changes & the Amygdala (referenced in discussion of sensory changes in motherhood) — The Maternal Brain and Its Plasticity in Humans – PMCLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #31 How To Use Play To Set Limits and Boundaries | With Dr. Kim Van Dusen 24.07.2026 24min

  How to Deal with Parenting Through Play | Dr. Kim Van DusenEpisode SummaryWhat if the secret to fewer tantrums, less mealtime drama, and a deeper connection with your kids wasn't stricter rules — but more play? In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, licensed marriage and family therapist and registered play therapist known as The Parentologist, to talk about how to weave playfulness into the everyday moments of parenting — even if you don't think you have a playful bone in your body. From gamifying chores to helping traumatized children feel safe, Dr. Kim shows us that play is the universal language of childhood, and learning to speak it changes everything.Key TakeawaysYou don't have to sit on the floor for 30 minutes to be a playful parent. Dr. Kim calls them "playful pockets of time" — small, creative moments woven throughout the day (swapping a fork for tongs, cutting a sandwich into a fun shape) that shift the entire energy of parenting.Gamifying works. From racing to make the bed to "freeze clean" during chores, turning tasks into games eliminates power struggles and gets the job done — without the drama.Play is the language of children, especially those who have experienced trauma. When kids can't (or won't) speak about their pain, drawing, playing, and creating tells the story instead — and your job is to listen to the play.Safety and trust come before play with kids from hard places. If a child doesn't feel safe, they won't connect — and connection must come before cooperation.Picky eating is a sensory experience. Research shows it can take up to 8–24 exposures before a child accepts a new food. Changing the texture, presentation, or even the serving vessel (hello, dump truck plate!) is exposure therapy in disguise.Outcomes vs. Consequences: Dr. Kim prefers the word "outcomes" because it removes the punitive connotation. Natural outcomes, do-overs, and choice-giving are more effective — and less stressful — than punishment.Structure is nurture's best friend. Playfulness and limits work together. Kids need both deep connection AND predictable boundaries to feel truly secure.About the GuestDr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, LMFT, RPT — known as The Parentologist — is a licensed marriage and family therapist, registered play therapist, university professor, and mom of two based in Southern California. With nearly 25 years of experience, she helps parents transform their relationships with their children by learning to speak the universal language of play. She is the author of Parenting Through Play and hosts The Parentologist Podcast.🌐 Website: theparentologist.com📸 Instagram: @theparentologist🎙️ Podcast: The Parentologist Podcast📕 Book: Parenting Through Play on AmazonResources Mentioned📕 Parenting Through Play by Dr. Kim Van Dusen (Amazon) — Dr. Kim's new book covering playful pockets of time, gamification, do-overs, outcomes, sensory food strategies, and more. Available in paperback and audiobook (narrated by Dr. Kim herself).🔬 Food Exposure Research — ASHA Leader: How Many Exposures for Selective Eaters? — Research showing it takes 8–15+ exposures before a child accepts a new food.🔬 Repeated Exposure to Food & Food Acceptability — NIH/NCBI Systematic Review — The peer-reviewed evidence base behind the food exposure approach Dr. Kim references.🔬 Child-Centered Play Therapy for Trauma — PMC Systematic Review — Research on play therapy effectiveness for children who have experienced traumatic events.🏡 Secure Parenting Program — Attachment NerdLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #30 How to Deal with Feeling | With Dr. Marc Brackett 17.07.2026 32min

  Episode SummaryEli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today.Key TakeawaysAccumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and resources is step one.There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Giving your child permission to feel — including anxiety, anger, and sadness — is a radical and necessary first step.Your go-to regulation strategies may not work for your child. Think of your role as setting a buffet of options, not telling your child what to eat.Emotional granularity matters. The difference between "frustrated" and "disappointed" isn't semantic — naming the exact emotion helps regulate it.90% of negative self-talk was caught from other people. Gaslighting from caregivers in childhood becomes our inner critic as adults.Your emotion regulation budget includes sleep, nutrition, and movement. Nine times out of ten, when a parent can't meet their own goals, poor sleep is the barrier.Co-regulation requires non-judgment. What our kids are begging for, above all else, is a parent who won't judge them in the middle of big feelings.Emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice — not something you master. Every day is a new opportunity.About the GuestDr. Marc Brackett is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is the author of the USA Today bestselling book Dealing with Feeling and the internationally bestselling Permission to Feel (translated into 27 languages). Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based social-emotional learning framework adopted by over 5,000 schools worldwide. He also co-created the free How We Feel app with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann.🌐 Website: marcbrackett.comResources MentionedBooks📘 Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett — Marc's newest book on practical emotion regulation strategies📗 Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett — Marc's landmark bestseller on emotional intelligence📙 Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck — Referenced in the conversation re: growth mindset and parentingTools & Apps📱 How We Feel App — Marc's free, science-based emotion-tracking and regulation app (iOS & Android)🎴 The Point of Connection Game — Marc's conversation card deck for building emotional connection with family and friendsFrameworks & Research🏫 RULER Approach — Marc's evidence-based SEL framework, adopted in 5,000+ schools worldwide🔬 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc's research home base❤️ Harvard Study of Adult Development — The 85-year study on happiness referenced by Eli (close relationships = #1 predictor of wellbeing)Connect with Marc BrackettWebsite: marcbrackett.comLearn more about secure parenting:https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #29 How to Deal When Your Kids Are at Odds with Each Other | With Dr. Laura Markham 10.07.2026 31min

  Episode SummaryIn this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr. Laura to coach her through it live.Key TakeawaysThe #1 predictor of sibling kindness is your relationship with each child. Research consistently shows the closer you are to each child individually, the less they fight with each other.Discipline style shapes sibling behavior. When parents use power and force to solve problems, kids mirror that with each other. When parents model calm problem-solving, kids learn to do the same.Inviolate one-on-one time matters more than grand gestures. A predictable, protected window of time with each child — even 20 minutes — gives kids the security to handle their siblings with more grace.Pushing and shoving under age 6 is developmentally normal — it doesn't mean your parenting is failing. The prefrontal cortex won't be fully developed until the mid-20s, and meaningful impulse control takes years to build.Positive interactions are the long game. Research shows that what adults remember about their sibling relationships is not the conflict — it's the fun they had together. Protect and prioritize play.Kids need scripts, not just correction. When you give children the actual words to say ("I was still using that — can I have it back?"), they learn to use them, often faster than you'd expect.Parent leadership reduces sibling rivalry. When parents step in to create systems and structures (like a calendar for mom nights), kids don't have to fight for position.Talking about neurodivergence with siblings requires validation, not minimizing. Acknowledge what's hard for each child without making either child responsible for managing the other's feelings.About the GuestDr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist trained at Columbia University, bestselling author, and one of the most trusted voices in parenting today. She is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — a free resource with over 1,000 pages of parenting guidance — and the author of three books translated into more than 27 languages.🌐 Website: peacefulparenthappykids.com📸 Instagram: @peacefulparenthappykids📬 Free Newsletter: Sign up hereResources Mentioned📗 Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page📘 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page📙 Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish Amazon🏫 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU (Trust-Based Relational Intervention / TBRI) child.tcu.edu Dr. Karen Purvis coined the phrase "Families that play together, stay together" and developed TBRI, a research-based model for supporting children impacted by trauma.ConnectLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #28 How to Be Honest about Motherhood | With Libby Ward 02.07.2026 23min

  Episode SummaryEli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins.Key TakeawaysYou were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem.Selflessness isn't the antidote to a selfish upbringing. Martyrdom doesn't protect your kids — it burdens them. Your children don't need a shell of you; they need you.Shame keeps us stuck. When we don't hear other mothers' real experiences, we assume we're the only ones struggling — and that shame makes it impossible to look honestly at what's actually happening.Generational trauma gets passed down until someone is ready to feel it. That someone might be you — and that is a gift, not a curse.Radical honesty starts with yourself, not the internet. Getting honest about your actual life — your nervous system, your capacity, your support system — is what gives you the freedom to make choices that actually fit your reality.Going no contact isn't the only option, and it isn't permanent. Separation can be a necessary step to find yourself before you can figure out what a relationship actually looks like.People-pleasing is an addiction. And like any addiction, recovery starts with honesty and the belief that you are worthy of reciprocal relationships.Your kids need you to be a whole person, not a perfect one. Modeling what it looks like to prioritize yourself teaches your children how they deserve to be treated in their own relationships.About the GuestLibby Ward is a writer, speaker, and advocate redefining the motherhood narrative. Known for her honesty, humor, and relatable voice, Libby reaches millions of women each week through her social media platforms. She has been featured on the BBC, Good Morning America, and is a member of Reese Witherspoon's inaugural Hello Sunshine Collective. Her debut memoir, Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, is out now.🌐 Website: libbyward.com📸 Instagram: @libbyward🎵 TikTok: @libbywardofficialResources Mentioned📖 Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby WardAmazon (Hardcover)Amazon (Audiobook — read by Libby herself!)Publisher Page (Penguin Random House)Libby's own book page💬 "Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it" — a widely-shared quote on intergenerational trauma, attributed to therapist Stephi Wagner and popularized in the cycle-breaking community.🔄 Alcoholics Anonymous / Radical Honesty — The principle of radical honesty as the starting point for recovery, referenced from AA tradition. Learn more at aa.org.Ready to Go Deeper?If this conversation resonated with you and you're ready to break your own cycles and show up more securely for your kids, check out Eli's Secure Parenting Program — a therapist-led, pay-what-you-can program grounded in 70+ years of attachment research.👉 Join the Secure Parenting ProgramConnect with Eli:Website: attachmentnerd.comInstagram: @attachmentnerdTikTok: @attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com
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  #27 Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years | With Eli Weinstein 26.06.2026 24min

  Episode SummaryTherapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do.Key TakeawaysTake a pause before you take it out on your partner. When you're dysregulated in a parenting moment, step away for 2–5 minutes before engaging. Your kids will still be screaming — but your brain will be in a better place.The "First On Scene" rule. Whoever arrives first to handle a situation becomes the lead. Their way goes — as long as it's not dangerous. This eliminates power struggles and toe-stepping between partners.Make the mental load visible. Write down everything on your mental plate, sit with your partner, and ask (not demand): "Is there anything on this list you can take?" Let go enough to actually hand it over.Anticipation is the secret sauce. The partner NOT holding the mental load should proactively look ahead and ask, "What can I take off your plate this week?" — before being asked.Microdose your relationship with sweetness. Small daily rituals — a special phrase at bedtime, a little physical affection, a note — are the glue that holds couples together during chaos.It's us vs. the chaos, not us vs. each other. Use Eli's "Huddle" technique: check in on each other's energy, divide the game plan, and face the problem as a united front — not as opponents.Play to your strengths. Divide household labor based on what actually works for each person's brain, preferences, and neuroses — not rigid gender roles.About the GuestEli Weinstein, LCSW is a licensed clinical therapist, international speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast. His debut book, From I Do to We Do: Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years (Wiley/Jossey-Bass, 2026), is the guide he wishes he had when he became a dad — covering everything from the mental load to conflict resolution to keeping intimacy alive. He's appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show and been featured in Psychology Today and across 300+ podcasts.🌐 Website: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/📖 Book: From I Do to We Do on Amazon🎙️ Podcast: The Dude Therapist on Apple Podcasts📸 Instagram: @eliweinstein_lcsw | @thedudetherapistResources Mentioned📖 From I Do to We Do by Eli Weinstein — His new book on navigating marriage through the parenting years📖 Fair Play by Eve Rodsky — The landmark book on the invisible mental load and how to redistribute it fairly📖 Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin — The "couple bubble" concept referenced in the episode🎬 Phil Stutz's "Active Love" tool — The concept Eli references for pushing love toward your partner in a difficult moment (also see the Netflix documentary Stutz)📖 The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels — The book behind the Active Love conceptLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #26 How to Deal with Sex Talks | With Kimberly Wolf 19.06.2026 32min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, Eli sits down with sex educator and Harvard-trained expert Kimberly Wolf to tackle one of the most anxiety-producing topics in parenting: talking to your kids about sex, bodies, and healthy relationships. Kimberly brings a practical, shame-free, and deeply reassuring framework for parents at every stage — from toddlers to teens — with one clear message: you don't have to have all the answers. You just have to show up.Key TakeawaysStart with safety and practicality. Framing sex education around safety takes the emotional charge out of it — for parents and kids. Even a 4-year-old can understand, "Nobody touches your body without permission."These are ongoing conversations, not one big talk. Replace the idea of "the talk" with a lifelong, open dialogue. Small moments build the foundation for big ones.You don't need all the answers. Saying "That's a great question — let me find out" signals to your child that you can handle this topic, and that they can come to you.Parents are more influential than the media — but only if they show up. Research consistently shows parents outrank peers and media in influencing teen decisions about sex, but only when they actively engage.Pornography is shaping kids' understanding of intimacy. It normalizes harmful power dynamics and reaches kids through mainstream media, not just explicit sites. Media literacy is a must.Teach what love feels like. Help kids build an internal compass for healthy relationships — safety, respect, and being heard — so they can recognize when something feels off.Time-binding awkward conversations is a pro communication tool. Saying "I need one minute — bear with me" is a real-world skill your child will use in their own relationships someday.If you feel like a loser with your teenager, you're probably winning. They hear you, even when they don't show it.About the GuestKimberly Wolf, M.Ed. is a leading sex educator, speaker, curricular consultant, and parenting strategist. She holds an undergraduate degree in gender studies from Brown University and a master's in human development and psychology from the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She teaches in schools across the country, offers online courses for parents, and provides private coaching. She is also the author of Talk with Her: A Dad's Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters.🎟️ Listener Discount: Use code SECURE at checkout on Kimberly's website for a discount on her courses.🌐 Website: kimberlywolf.com📸 Instagram: @itskimberlywolf📖 Book: Talk with Her on Amazon🏫 Courses & Resources: kimberlywolf.com/coursesResources Mentioned📚 Talk with Her by Kimberly Wolf — A dad's essential guide to raising healthy, confident, and capable daughters🌐 Kimberly Wolf's Online Courses & Resources — Online courses for parents and school programs for teens🔬 Research: Parents' Influence on Teen Sexual Decision-Making — Research summary on how parental communication outweighs media influence🔬 Research: Impact of Internet Pornography on Children and Adolescents (ScienceDirect) — Systematic review on how pornography shapes adolescent attitudes and behavior🔬 American Academy of Pediatrics: Teens and Pornography — AAP guidance on the emotional and relational impact of pornography on teensConnect with Eli & the ShowLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #25 How to Deal with Feeling Disconnected from Your Sweetheart | With Morgan Burch 13.06.2026 38min

  Episode SummaryRelationship coach Morgan Burch joins Eli to unpack one of the most common — and most painful — dynamics in modern partnerships: the moment you need your partner most is exactly when neither of you has anything left to give. Together, they explore the "hero child" wound, why co-regulation matters more than date nights, and practical tools like the Mirror Game and the DIC Talk that can transform conflict into genuine connection.Key TakeawaysThe Parenthood Paradox: Both partners have less to give at the exact moment they long for more from each other — recognizing this cycle is the first step to breaking it.Microdosing Connection: You don't need a weekend away. Fifteen minutes on the couch with no phones can rebuild safety, trust, and closeness faster than any grand gesture.Co-regulation requires self-regulation first: When you feel the urge to blame your partner, that's a signal you're overwhelmed — regulate yourself before attempting to reconnect.The Hero Child wound: If you grew up parentified or as the "fixer," your nervous system learned that doing more = being loved. Unlearning that pattern is the key to real intimacy.The Mirror Game: Reflective listening — hearing, naming, and validating your partner's feelings without fixing or advising — is one of the most healing things you can do in a relationship.The DIC Talk (Dream, Invitation, Collaborate): Instead of issuing demands or keeping score, share a vulnerable dream, invite your partner in, and build a solution together.Responsibility Dysmorphia: Taking on a distorted sense of responsibility is a childhood survival strategy — noticing it is the first step to releasing it.Seeing yourself clearly = seeing unsafe relationships clearly: When you practice self-acceptance and self-care, the gap between how you treat yourself and how an unsafe partner treats you becomes impossible to ignore.About the GuestMorgan Burch is a relationship coach and creator of The SEEN Method® — a framework built on the belief that beneath every conflict lies one of four things: something someone was scared of, embarrassed about, expecting, or a need that went unmet. She helps couples and individuals stop coping and start connecting, and has reached millions through her viral content and private coaching practice.🌐 Website: https://morganburch.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgantherapy/▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@GoodMorganTherapy💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/morgan-burch-747a8226/Resources MentionedThe SEEN Method® — Morgan's signature framework for authentic connection🎓 Free Relationship Masterclass: https://seenmethod.com/free-masterclass📚 The SEEN Method eBook (13 Secrets to Break the Cycles that Break Your Heart): https://theseenmethod.com/ebook🏫 8-Week SEEN Method Class (live, interactive, solo or with partner): https://morganburch.com/live-virtual-class-seen💑 Couples Coaching with Morgan: https://morganburch.com/takeaction/IFS (Internal Family Systems / Parts Work) — The therapeutic modality Morgan references for working with the "hero child" and inner partsLearn more: https://ifs-institute.comEMDR Therapy — Mentioned as a healing modality for those working through deeper relational or childhood traumaLearn more: https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/Attachment Theory & Co-Regulation — The research foundation underlying the tools discussed in this episodeThe Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.comLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #24 How to Deal with Raising Secure Digital Citizens | With Jessical Joelle Alexander 06.06.2026 25min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, Eli sits down with Danish parenting expert and bestselling author Jessica Joelle Alexander to tackle one of the most pressing questions facing parents today: how do we raise kids who are safe, healthy, and confident in the digital world — without resorting to fear, shame, or oversimplification? Jessica shares the Danish philosophy behind her work, the story of how she created the Raising Digital Citizens conversation cards, and why connection — not restriction — is the real key to protecting our kids online.Key TakeawaysThe digital world is a real world. Kids experience belonging, friendship, and identity online just as they do in person. Dismissing that reality puts distance between you and your child.Giving a child a phone is like handing them car keys. Preparation, conversation, and a co-created agreement matter far more than the age at which you hand it over.Denmark's education system tests for trivsel (well-being/happiness) — not just academics — because if kids don't feel well, they can't learn well. This philosophy extends to digital life.The most dangerous place for a child online is to feel alone. When kids fear losing their phone or getting in trouble, they won't come to you. Building trust is the ultimate protection.Reframing is everything. Instead of only focusing on the risks of technology, help your kids build a positive digital storyline — creative projects, businesses, fundraisers, and skills are all born online.Fear-based parenting around screens creates the same risk as avoiding conversations about puberty or sex — it leaves kids under-equipped when they inevitably encounter hard situations.Our language trickles down to our kids. When parents shame screen use, kids weaponize it against each other (e.g., calling peers "iPad kids"). We can model nuance and empathy instead.In the age of AI, human skills matter more than ever — and the relationship between parent and child is the foundation of it all.About the GuestJessica Joelle Alexander is a bestselling author, internationally recognized Danish parenting and education expert, cultural researcher, and co-founder of Raising Digital Citizens. Her book The Danish Way of Parenting has been published in over 35 countries and is one of the most widely sold parenting books in the world. She teaches at the University of Copenhagen and her work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC World News, TIME, The Wall Street Journal, and more.🌐 Website: jessicajoellealexander.com📸 Instagram: @jessicajoellealexander💼 LinkedIn: Jessica Joelle AlexanderResources Mentioned🃏 Raising Digital Citizens Conversation Cards — The toolkit Jessica created to help families have meaningful, age-appropriate conversations about digital life. Co-created with psychologists and rooted in Danish digital citizenship education. 👉 raisingdigitalcitizens.com📖 The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander & Iben Dissing Sandahl — The global bestseller that unpacks the parenting philosophy behind why Denmark consistently ranks as one of the happiest countries on earth. 👉 Amazon | Penguin Random House📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — The #1 New York Times bestseller examining the collapse of youth mental health in the smartphone era, mentioned in the context of the current fear-based conversation around kids and tech. 👉 Amazon🏢 Common Sense Media — Nonprofit organization providing families and educators with trusted media ratings, digital citizenship curriculum, and research on kids and technology. Jessica attended a recent conference with them in Copenhagen. 👉 commonsensemedia.org🎮 Ash Brandon (Gamer Educator) — Mentioned as a nuanced voice on the skills and benefits kids develop through gaming.Connect with Eli & the ShowLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #23 Wired for Connection — 50 Years of Attachment Research with Dr. Alan Sroufe 29.05.2026 45min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. L. Alan Sroufe — Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota and lead researcher of the landmark Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — to unpack over 50 years of groundbreaking research on how early relationships shape who we become. From the origins of secure attachment to the surprising durability of worldviews formed in childhood, this conversation is a masterclass in what actually matters in parenting — and what doesn't. Dr. Sroufe also shares details on his new book The Development and Organization of Meaning, co-authored with his wife, June Sroufe.Key TakeawaysSecure attachment means confidence, not closeness. Dr. Sroufe redefines secure attachment as a child's confident belief that their caregiver will be there — not how physically close they are kept.The best predictor of empathy is having received empathic care. You can't tell your child to be empathic — you have to show them through your own responsiveness.Early experience matters enormously — but it is not destiny. The Minnesota Study showed that both continuity and change are possible. Protective factors at any stage of life can shift the developmental trajectory.Worldviews formed in infancy shape how children interpret ambiguous situations. Kids with secure histories tend to assume accidents were accidental and people are helpful; kids with insecure histories may assume hostility where none exists.Peer relationships are critical labs for learning conflict resolution. Children learn things in peer relationships they simply cannot learn from parents — because peers are equals.Resilience is a developmental achievement, not a trait. It is not something you're born with and it's not permanent — it is built through experience and relationships over time."Good enough" parenting is real and validated by data. The Minnesota Study was surprised by how many children from poverty were securely attached — even with only modestly sensitive parenting.You don't need tricks. You need a mindset. Secure attachment is not a checklist of behaviors — it is a relational orientation of attunement and responsiveness.Your child will teach you what they need. Pay attention to their cues — even a baby turning their head away is communicating something real.All research is "me-search." Dr. Sroufe and Eli both reflect on how their own histories drew them to this work — and why that's a strength, not a weakness.About the GuestDr. L. Alan Sroufe is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology at the University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development and the lead researcher of the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — one of the most important and longest-running prospective studies of human development ever conducted, now spanning over 50 years. He is the author of A Compelling Idea and co-author (with his wife June Sroufe) of the new book The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships.🔗 Connect with Dr. Sroufe on LinkedInResources MentionedBooks📖 The Development and Organization of Meaning: How Individual Worldviews Develop in Relationships — L. Alan Sroufe & June Sroufe Cambridge University Press | Amazon📖 A Compelling Idea: How We Become the Persons We Are — L. Alan Sroufe Amazon | Safer Society Press📖 How to Deal with Your Beep So Your Kids Don't Have To — Eli Harwood (coming soon — sign up at attachmentnerd.com for updates)Research & Organizations🔬 Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation (MLSRA) University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development🔬 The Strange Situation (Mary Ainsworth) — The foundational attachment assessment procedure discussed throughout this episode Learn more🏫 Dr. Robert Pianta's Teacher-Student Relationship Research & MyTeachingPartner Program (mentioned by Dr. Sroufe re: school-based secure base interventions) University of Virginia — Measures by Dr. Pianta🌱 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development (TBRI®) — Texas Christian University (mentioned by Eli in reference to her AAI training) child.tcu.eduConnect with Eli🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #22 The Art and Science of Playful Parenting | With Mia Wisinski 22.05.2026 29min

  Episode SummaryWhat if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "demand ruts," and a live round of the jingle game that you'll want to try at home tonight.Key TakeawaysPlayfulness is innate — it just gets "weaned out" of us. Every parent has a playful side; life, culture, and stress just suppress it over time. The good news: it's still there, and your body will remember it when you re-enter playful contexts.Power reversal is the magic key. Letting your kids have the power — pretending to be the confused parent, the butler, the butt-dragged-around-the-room adult — gives kids a sense of autonomy and defuses tension faster than demands ever will.Play doesn't require a time block. The most effective playfulness is woven into ordinary moments: doing the voice of the laundry hamper, turning dish cleanup into a levitation trick, singing your way through a routine. You can be playful while doing what you're already doing.When you're triggered, pause and self-assess first. Before trying to flip into play mode, check in with yourself — most of the time the edge you're feeling has nothing to do with your kids. A little self-compassion ("of course you feel this way") creates the space to pivot.Singing activates the vagus nerve. When you sing instead of bark orders, you literally force a longer exhale and start to move yourself out of fight-or-flight — which makes play more accessible even on hard days.Play can also be a recovery tool. After a hard season or a tough stretch, a silly improv game together is one of the most effective ways to come back to each other and remember what connection feels like.Isolation makes playfulness harder. We were never meant to parent in isolation. If you're struggling to be playful, it might simply mean you need more community — friends, other parents, or even a social feed full of inspiration like Mia's.Kids remember the little silly moments. The random everyday bits of playfulness — like a mom who sings every time she takes her pill — become core memories for children. You don't have to engineer magic moments; just stay present and silly in the small ones.About the GuestMia Wisinski is the founder of Playful Heart Parenting, which she started in 2023 after realizing playfulness was the missing piece in her own parenting. A theater educator, performer, and songwriter, Mia helps families use playfulness as a powerful tool for parent-child regulation and secure attachment — making it easy, sustainable, and genuinely fun for tired parents.🌐 Website: playfulheartparenting.com📸 Instagram: @playfulheartparentingResources Mentioned🎮 Tap Into Play App Bundle (Would You Rather, Plot Twist, You Are, Who Can Sound Like & more — 1,400+ unique prompts): playfulheartparenting.com/php-apps📚 Activate Play Mode Course by Mia Wisinski: playfulheartparenting.com/about-activate-play-mode📓 Uniquely Us: Mother–Daughter Journal by Eli Harwood (ages 8+): attachmentnerd.com/books/uniquely-us | Also on Amazon🔗 Playful Heart Parenting — All Resources: playfulheartparenting.comLearn more about secure parenting:https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #21 How to Deal with Trauma Triggers as a Parent | Nerd Notes with Eli 20.05.2026 20min

  Episode SummaryIn this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.Key TakeawaysTrauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity.Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity.Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things.Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system misreading the present as the past. A new event is genuinely difficult — and you're allowed to recognize that difference.Body memory is real. Your nervous system stores trauma as physical sensations — not just explicit memories — which is why healing requires body-based work, not just talking.The "red berry" metaphor: Your brain tries to protect you by pattern-matching past threats — but it can misfire on your toddler's tantrum the same way it would on a real danger.Healing practices matter. EMDR and Somatic Experiencing are two evidence-based modalities that work with the body to process trauma, not just the mind.Glimmers are your anchor. The concept coined by Deb Dana — small, grounding moments of safety — can be intentionally cultivated to help rewire your nervous system toward regulation.There is a safe grown-up in the room — and it's you. Looking at your hands, your age, your capabilities can help your body recognize you are no longer the child who was powerless.Every day is a new day to rewrite your story and choose how you respond.About Eli HarwoodEli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) is a licensed therapist with 19+ years of clinical experience, USA TODAY bestselling author, and founder of the Secure Parenting Program. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one attachment relationship at a time.🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdResources Mentioned📚 BooksEli's New Book — How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don't Have To: View on AmazonEli Harwood — Raising Securely Attached Kids: View on AmazonEli Harwood — Securely Attached (workbook): View on AmazonDeb Dana — The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (where "glimmers" was coined): View on Amazon🧠 Therapy ModalitiesFind an EMDR Therapist (EMDRIA Directory): https://www.emdria.org/Somatic Experiencing International (Find a Practitioner): https://traumahealing.org/💡 Concepts"Glimmers" — coined by Deb Dana, LCSW: Learn more at Rhythm of RegulationLearn More About Secure Parentinghttps://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #20 How to Deal with Sleep Stuff | With Rachael Shepard-Ohta from Hey, Sleepy Baby 15.05.2026 29min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.Key TakeawaysInfant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.About the GuestRachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.🌐 Website: heysleepybaby.com📸 Instagram: @heysleepybaby🎥 YouTube: Hey Sleepy Baby💼 LinkedIn: Rachael Shepard-OhtaResources Mentioned🔬 Infant Sleep Variability Research — Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants During the First Year of Life (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2014) — Research confirming that infant sleep duration shows high inter-individual variability and does not improve in a linear fashion.🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.ConnectLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #19 How to Deal with Parental Stress (Scripts + Strategies) | Nerd Notes with Eli 13.05.2026 20min

  Episode SummaryStress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.Key TakeawaysStress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both.Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten.Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond.Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your body needs to move through — via movement, venting, crying, or physical expression — or it accumulates.The "F-it Bucket" is a real strategy. Not every stressor deserves equal energy. Deliberately release the unnecessary ones.Witnesses reduce stress. Having people who say "I see you, I get it" is neurologically powerful — community is medicine.Talking to kids about stress teaches them to self-regulate. Simple scripts like "I'm having a stress response in my body" model emotional literacy your kids will internalize.Some stress is productive. The goal isn't zero stress — it's the right amount that motivates action without causing paralysis or chronic agitation.Resources Mentioned📖 Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski Amazon | Publisher (Penguin Random House)📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood (mentioned in episode — includes a full section on perfectionism) Amazon | AttachmentNerd.comAbout Eli HarwoodEli Harwood (MA, LPC) is a licensed therapist, USA Today bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates peer-reviewed attachment research into practical, shame-free guidance for parents. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, Securely Attached, Uniquely Us, and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To.🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerdLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #18 Navigating the Complex Terrain of Foster Parenting | With Laura Foster Partner 08.05.2026 29min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.Key TakeawaysFoster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children.Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing.The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary.Expanding your window of tolerance as a caregiver — not just changing the child's behavior — is the key skill in trauma-informed fostering.Even if you foster a child for a short time, you may be "the one home" they remember as the safe place that helped them heal years later in therapy.The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) framework helps us understand risk factors, and foster parents are one of the most powerful protective factors a child can have.Burnout is common and valid — give yourself grace, ask for help, and focus on what you can control each day.About the GuestLaura — The Foster Parent Partner is a content creator, therapeutic foster parent, and author who supports the foster parenting community with practical, trauma-informed guidance. She has built a community of nearly 300K followers across social platforms and channeled that expertise into her new book, First-Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care.🌐 Website: fosterparentpartner.com📸 Instagram: @foster.parenting▶️ YouTube: youtube.com/@foster.parenting💼 LinkedIn: Laura Foster Parent PartnerResources Mentioned📗 First-Time Fostering by Laura the Foster Parent Partner — firsttimefostering.com | Amazon🏫 Dr. Karyn Purvis & TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) — The research framework behind "kids from hard places" — Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU📋 ACE Questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences) — The CDC-Kaiser study measuring childhood trauma risk factors and adult health outcomes — CDC ACE Study Overview🧠 EMDR Therapy — Trauma processing protocol referenced by Eli — APA Overview of EMDR | EMDR International Association🔗 Foster Parent Partner Community — fosterparentpartner.comLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #17 How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Porn | Nerd Notes with Eli 05.05.2026 19min

  How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About PornographyEpisode SummaryAfter a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you the scripts and the confidence to show up for one of the most important conversations of their childhood.Key TakeawaysRegulate before you educate — process your own feelings first so you can show up calm and clear for your childTiming matters — choose a low-pressure moment (weekends, car rides) when your child has emotional bandwidth to absorb the conversationPornography is not reality — teach kids that the bodies, acts, and dynamics they see on screen are often inaccurate, demeaning, and not representative of healthy, mutual sexualityMany people in pornographic videos are not there by choice — help kids understand they may inadvertently be consuming content involving trafficking or abuse, and that there's no reliable way to tell the differenceArousal is automatic — and designed — explain to teens that the arousal they feel watching porn is engineered by the platform, not a moral failing, and walk them through the shame-arousal cycle that leads to addictionShame is the primary fuel for pornography use — an open, non-judgmental dialogue at home dramatically reduces the risk of a child developing a secretive, compulsive relationship with pornographyScreen limits reduce exposure risk — delaying smartphone access and building real-world social skills provides meaningful protectionYou can course-correct — even if you've already given a young child a smartphone, it's never too late to change the rules with honesty and loveAbout the HostEli Harwood (she/her), MA, LPC, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates decades of attachment science into warm, practical, shame-free parenting guidance. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To, and the creator of the Secure Parenting Program.🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerdResources Mentioned📖 Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (includes a full chapter on navigating tricky topic conversations with kids)📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (Eli's newest book — helps parents work through anxiety, shame, and emotional baggage so it doesn't pass down)📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — Buy on Amazon | Author Site (research on smartphones, social media, and the mental health crisis in young people)🎓 Secure Parenting Program by Attachment Nerd — Join Here (pay-what-you-can, lifetime access, community support)Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #16 How To Deal With the Adolescent Rollercoaster | With Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett 01.05.2026 38min

  How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll BennettEpisode SummaryIf you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real science, real talk, and a boxing metaphor that will change how you show up for your kid.Key TakeawaysAdolescence is not something to survive — it's something to lean into. The mood swings, the push-back, the withdrawal: it's developmental, it's hormonal, and most importantly, it's not personal.Puberty is starting 2–3 years earlier than it did a generation ago. Average onset is now ages 8–9 for girls and 9–10 for boys. The first sign? According to pediatric endocrinologist Louise Greenspan: a slamming door.ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and socioeconomic stress accelerate puberty through chronic cortisol release — not race. Kids of color are often entering puberty earlier, and this intersects with data showing that adults tend to age children of color as older than they are, creating an unfair double burden.Sex hormones surge and drop every 6–12 hours — which is why your kid can seem perfectly reasonable at breakfast and completely dysregulated by dinner. It's not you, it's biology.Your job is to be the corner person, not get in the ring. Like a boxing coach, your role is to offer a place to rest, encouragement, and steady presence — not to fight their battles or fight them.Silence is not rejection. A teen who won't talk still wants you there. Try the car, the walk, the lights-out bedtime check-in — and if all else fails, just sit in silence. Stay.When you mess up (and you will), own it and repair. Research shows kids gain respect for parents who apologize and take do-overs. It also models exactly what we want them to do with their mistakes.Your attitude toward adolescence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you dread it, they'll become dreadful. Studies show kids absorb the expectations adults project onto them.About the GuestsDr. Cara NattersonDr. Cara Natterson is a pediatrician, speaker, educator, and one of the foremost voices on tween and teen health. She is the Founder and CEO of Less Awkward and the New York Times bestselling author of The Care and Keeping of You series with American Girl.🌐 Website: lessawkward.com📸 Instagram: @less.awkward🐦 Twitter/X: @caranatterson💼 LinkedIn: Cara Natterson📺 YouTube: Less AwkwardVanessa Kroll BennettVanessa Kroll Bennett is a USA Today bestselling author and co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast. As President of Content at Less Awkward, she helps adults navigate the challenges of raising tweens and teens with joy and humor.🌐 Website: vanessakrollbennett.com📸 Instagram: @vanessakrollbennett🐦 Twitter/X: @vanessakbennett💼 LinkedIn: Vanessa Kroll Bennett📺 YouTube: Less AwkwardResources Mentioned📚 This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett — the book discussed throughout this episode (Amazon)🏫 Less Awkward Parent Hub — the comprehensive parent resource platform with courses, community, and an AI puberty Q&A bot🎙️ This Is So Awkward Podcast — Cara & Vanessa's own show on puberty and adolescence (Apple Podcasts)🔬 Herman-Giddens et al., 1997 — Landmark Puberty Study (Pediatrics, 99(4):505–512) — the first large-scale study of 17,000 girls documenting earlier puberty onset, referenced in the episode👩‍⚕️ Dr. Louise Greenspan — pediatric endocrinologist at UCSF, quoted as saying "the first sign of puberty is a slamming door"🧪 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Adolescent Social Expectations — research on how adult expectations shape teen outcomes (PMC/NCBI)🩺 CDC: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) — background resource on the ACE framework discussed in the episodeConnect with EliLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #15 How to Teach Kids Emotion Regulation | With Jon Fogel 23.04.2026 29min

  Episode SummaryIn this warm and moving episode, Eli sits down with Jon Fogel — parenting educator, pastor, and author of Punishment-Free Parenting — to talk about his brand-new children's picture book, Set My Feelings Free, co-authored and illustrated by his wife Jess Fogel. Jon unpacks the surprising science behind Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, why music is the key to teaching kids emotional regulation, and how a 30-page book can do what 300 pages can't. You'll probably cry. Eli definitely did.Key TakeawaysSecure attachment and emotional regulation are not the same thing. You can grow up securely attached and still have significant gaps in how you model and regulate emotions — and that's okay to acknowledge.Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was peer-reviewed science. Every episode was reviewed by developmental psychologist Margaret McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. The show was deliberately designed to teach emotional regulation through music, repetition, and child autonomy.Music is a limbic tool — it directly activates the same part of the brain driving a child's dysregulation, making it uniquely effective for teaching regulation strategies in the moment.Teaching a 3-year-old emotional regulation is not as hard as teaching yourself — the obstacles are almost always the parent's own unprocessed emotions getting in the way, not the child's capacity.The 5 tools in the book (diaphragmatic breathing, movement, grounding/color game, visualization, and naming feelings) were carefully selected to cover every kid, including ADHD kids who don't respond well to breathing alone.Repetition before bed is the key delivery mechanism. Reading the book nightly before sleep leverages the brain's heightened receptivity to learning during memory consolidation — backed by behavioral neuroscience.Naming feelings alone isn't enough. Jon drew on the work of Marc Brackett at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — naming must be followed by moving through a regulation strategy.Cycle-breaking parenting is like learning algebra while still learning to add and subtract. The children's book handles the foundational math so parents can focus on the harder, deeper work.About the GuestJon Fogel is a parenting educator, pastor, author, and creator of the @wholeparent social media platform with over 1 million followers. He is the author of Punishment-Free Parenting: A Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice and the newly released children's picture book Set My Feelings Free, co-created with his wife and illustrator Jess Fogel. Jon is currently pursuing his PhD in developmental psychology and serves as senior pastor at Hope Covenant Church in Orland Park, Illinois.🌐 Website: wholeparentacademy.com📸 Instagram: @wholeparent💼 LinkedIn: Jon FogelResources MentionedBooks📖 Set My Feelings Free by Jon & Jess Fogel — Amazon (Available April 28, 2026)📖 Set My Feelings Free — Bookshop.org (supports local bookstores)📖 Set My Feelings Free — Publisher (Beaming Books)📖 Punishment-Free Parenting by Jon Fogel — Amazon📖 Punishment-Free Parenting — Penguin Random HouseOrganizations & Research🏛️ Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence (Marc Brackett) — Research on naming feelings as a foundational emotional regulation tool🏛️ Circle of Security International — The attachment-based parenting program referenced; origin of the "shark music" conceptPeople ReferencedMarc Brackett, PhD — Founding Director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence; his research underpins the importance of naming and labeling feelingsDr. Dan Siegel — Mindsight Institute; referenced throughout in connection with emotional brain scienceDr. Tina Payne Bryson — Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child; referenced for visualization/nightmare workMargaret McFarland — Developmental psychologist, University of Pittsburgh; the behind-the-scenes architect of Mr. Rogers' NeighborhoodFred Rogers — Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood; his show was intentionally designed around emotional regulation scienceDr. Benjamin Spock — Author of what Jon calls essentially the first gentle parenting book in the 1940sErik Erikson — Developmental psychologist whose early attachment work is foundational to the fieldHarry Harlow — Researcher whose Rhesus Monkey experiments helped establish attachment theoryJaak Panksepp — Behavioral neuroscientist; his work on memory consolidation informs the bedtime reading recommendationWant to become a more secure, confident parent? 👉 Join the Secure Parenting ProgramLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
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  #14 How To Deal With Your Child’s Sensory Needs | With Tia Gamelin 17.04.2026 40min

  Episode SummaryIn this episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent.Key TakeawaysBehavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhelmed and needs support.There are 8 senses, not 5. In addition to sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, children also rely on the vestibular system (inner gyroscope/movement), proprioception (body position in space), and interoception (internal body signals linked to emotional regulation).The sensory traffic jam: In children with sensory processing differences, sensory signals don't travel smoothly — they get "jammed," making the world feel confusing, frightening, and overwhelming.Environment is everything. Tia's EAR Triangle (Environment → Activity → Response) teaches us to look at the physical, temporal, and social environment first before trying to change a child's behavior.Neurodivergence is not a disorder — it's a difference. Dr. Nancy Doyle's research argues that if neurodivergence only created disability, it would not persist in the gene pool. These are specialist thinkers the world needs.Disability vs. impairment: People have impairments; environments create disability. Our job is to modify the environment, not fix the child.Co-regulation is not a crutch. Children — and even adults — borrow regulated states from trusted others. Helping a dysregulated child feel safe IS the intervention.Visual schedules work. When a child is dysregulated, meaningful speech is the first thing they lose. Pictures and visual tools bypass the verbal brain and help organize their world.Guardrails aren't restrictive — they're freeing. Structure and predictability lower the cognitive load for neurodivergent kids so they can actually show up and learn.You are also on this journey. Parenting a neurodivergent child often surfaces your own unidentified sensory needs and processing differences. Grace for yourself is part of the work.About the GuestTia Gamelin, OTR/L, ADHD-CCSP is a mother of four with over 22 years of experience as a neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist specializing in sensory integration and supporting twice-exceptional learners. She is passionate about the Montessori approach and brings a holistic, joyful lens to helping kids and families thrive.🌐 Website: Black Bird Therapy Group💼 LinkedIn: Tia Gamelin📸 Instagram: @tiagamelin📧 Email: tia@blackbirdtherapygroup.comResources Mentioned📗 Jean Ayres — Sensory Integration and the Child (25th Anniversary Edition) The foundational text by the mother of sensory integration theory. Essential reading for parents of kids with sensory processing differences. Amazon link🔬 Dr. Nancy Doyle — Neurodiversity at Work: A Biopsychosocial Model and the Impact on Working Adults (British Medical Bulletin, 2020) The peer-reviewed paper Tia references about why neurodivergence persists in the gene pool — and why that matters. Oxford Academic / British Medical Bulletin | PubMed📊 CHADD — ADHD Prevalence Data (1 in 9 children) The source behind the statistic that approximately 1 in 9 U.S. children have been diagnosed with ADHD. CHADD General Prevalence Page📊 CDC — Autism Spectrum Disorder Data (1 in 31 children) CDC's ADDM Network data showing approximately 1 in 31 children aged 8 years have been identified with ASD. CDC ASD Data & Statistics🧠 Interoception & the Insula — Research Overview Research on interoception, the "eighth sense" located in the insula, and its role in emotional regulation. Stanford / Menon Lab (2024) | NIH PMC — Anterior Insular Cortex & Emotional Awareness📉 Negative Comments Research — ADHD & Neurodivergent Children Research (attributed to psychiatrist William W. Dodson) indicating that children with ADHD receive significantly more negative messages by early school age than their neurotypical peers. Free to Be Counselling OverviewLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/