Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes

Episode

• S3 E31 Dance Floor Dropper - Part One 01.07.2026 46mnt

  An iconic nightclub in the North of England has become a crime scene.Someone shat in the middle of the dancefloor. Multiple times. How the hell did they do it without being seen? And more importantly... why?We expected witnesses. We hoped for suspects. What we didn't expect (this early) was a confession.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingGo to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our pollSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E30 BONUS - Q2 Quarterly Crime Review 01.07.2026 42mnt

  The next installment of our quarterly bonus series has landed. In this episode, we sit down with Performance Consultant Helen McLaughlin (formerly Assistant to the Assistant Detective) to conduct a comprehensive review of our investigative performance.Using industry-leading metrics and stakeholder feedback, we assess our handling of Q2’s cases: Who Shat Under The Silver Service Cloche?, Mayonnaise Madness and Willy Wonka Scam.This quarter, PC Helen is definitely not holding back.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingGo to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our pollSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E29 Willy Wonka Scam - Part Two 17.06.2026 46mnt

  It’s time for our surprise foursome virtual date with Ian and Alana. The romantic intervention nobody asked for, but one we committed to anyway.Will sparks fly? Or will this be the worst idea we've ever had? Only time will tell. But one thing is certain. Things are about to get… uncomfortable.The next case opens on July 2nd.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E28 Willy Wonka Scam - Part One 03.06.2026 48mnt

  The Willy Wonka Experience in Glasgow promised a world of pure imagination. What visitors found instead became one of the internet's most famous disasters.This week, we hear the story from the people who lived it; the actor who played 'Willy Wonka', the actress who played the "Sad Oompa Loompa" and a mother and two children who can never unsee what they saw that day.Our investigation begins with one simple mission - identify the biggest victim of the scam and get closure for them.And then our innocent investigation suddenly takes a romantic turn that absolutely nobody asked for.Part Two drops June 18th.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E27 BONUS - Q1 Quarterly Crime Review 02.06.2026 30mnt

  In this new series of quarterly bonus episodes, we sit down with Performance Consultant Helen McLaughlin (formerly Assistant to the Assistant Detective) to conduct a comprehensive review of our investigative performance.Using industry-leading metrics and stakeholder feedback, we assess our handling of Q1’s cases: Phantom Cleaner, Doggy Bag and Boob Bandit.Were investigative objectives achieved? Are we delivering value to our listeners? And most importantly, what do our KPIs reveal?Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingGo to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our pollSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E26 Mayonnaise Madness - Part Three 20.05.2026 42mnt

  It’s time for the final showdown with the perp.The trap is set. Billy will arrive at Tobin’s house, expecting to see his friend for a pop up nacho event. But his friend Tobin will not be there, and there will be no nachos tonight. Instead two detectives will be lying in wait, ready to ambush him, strap him up to the USB polygraph military edition v 3.0 lie detector machine, and ask him the big question: WHY?One thing is certain, we will get the answers we came for.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E25 Mayonnaise Madness - Part Two 06.05.2026 50mnt

  The phone number we’ve been accidentally sitting on this whole time is finally called, and the voice on the other end is a shock to say the least.Is this really the work of one person? Or could there be a wider network of mayonnaise molesters operating within Detective LK’s inner circle?We return to the Red Light District to question a dangerously familiar suspect from Season 1. And then… the ambush. But when the moment comes, will the target walk straight into our trap or will he come prepared?Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E24 Mayonnaise Madness - Part One 22.04.2026 40mnt

  Detective Lauren Kilby is no longer just a detective. She is now a victim. Three anonymous deliveries. Unsolicited and increasing in size. Containing a substance that she hates more than anything… Mayonnaise. Someone in her inner circle is behind this, testing her, messing with her. Seeing if she can finally crack a case for once. Then, a suspect from Season 1 resurfaces, and things get complicated. And very personal. Someone out there is watching. We don’t know who. We don’t know why, but we do know one thing: this maniac has messed with the wrong Detective.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E23 Who Shat Under The Silver Service Cloche? 08.04.2026 50mnt

  A bachelor party at a beach house in Florida takes a sinister turn when someone leaves behind more than just memories. At 4.30am the groom-to-be entered the kitchen and discovered a silver service cloche covering something that nobody ordered. There’s only one way to find out what truly went down that night, and it may or may not follow standard police procedure…Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E22 Boob Bandit - Part Three 26.03.2026 48mnt

  The final showdown with Dave. Detective Lauren Kilby goes full bad cop and takes zero prisoners. The clock is ticking and everything's on the line: friendship, ethics, survival, breasts and most importantly closure. Boob Bandit, IT'S TIME.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E21 Boob Bandit - Part Two 26.03.2026 39mnt

  Amber reveals who she caught chewing outside the shelter in the dead of night. Steven and Waz are brought in for questioning. One thing is clear. All evidence and suspicion leads to one suspect. Dave. He's stayed silent for as long as he could. But nobody can stay silent forever... Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E20 Boob Bandit - Part One 12.03.2026 50mnt

  In 2022, six elite survivalists were clinging to life in the Peruvian Amazon after 39 days of extreme survival.Starving and desperate, one of them shot down a huge turkey-like bird. They put it in a pot to simmer through the night, and fell asleep dreaming of the meal that would carry them to the finish line. But by morning, their shelter had transformed from a place of trust and family… into a crime scene.The pot, once filled with hope, was now missing one and a half breasts.The jungle might keep your secrets. But we don’t. We’re coming for you Boob Bandit…Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E19 Doggy Bag - Part Five 26.02.2026 1j 1mnt

  It all ends today*. It's time to chase down the last two remaining leads in our frantic mission to get justice for João; Ana from the Slovenian chain, and Joanna from the Dutch chain. Will they lead us to the source of the lie or to to João's parents?A shocking confession from a superspreader reveals how his fake story reached millions. And to close the case, we launch a social experiment designed to rewrite the future of this legend. We didn't think it would end like this but here we are...Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @juanthummler*for now. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E18 Doggy Bag - Part Four 12.02.2026 41mnt

  After asking listeners to submit their own versions of this story, we start building a global timeline. One that tracks how this story mutated and spread across borders and decades.Then we find it. A newspaper article from 1904. Suddenly João is the least of our problems. And just as we're ready to give up (again)… a key witness steps forward.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E17 Doggy Bag - Part Three 29.01.2026 44mnt

  The long awaited investigation returns in our attempt to finally find Justice for João.At the end of Doggy Bag Part 2, we put out a call to listeners across the world asking for any leads connected to this story. What came back was nothing short of shocking.This is the episode where myth meets evidence. Where coincidence becomes pattern. And where we start to believe this story could actually... be true.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E16 Phantom Cleaner - Part Two 15.01.2026 35mnt

  Contact is finally made with the sole witness to this crime - a small leopard gecko who goes by the name Persephone. And against all odds, she leads us directly to our prime suspect. The only person who fits this crime perfectly, with both motive and intent.But when the suspect is finally confronted, a confusing confession sends us spiralling. Reality starts to wobble. And we are left asking ourselves some very serious questions including but not limited to: have we been out-detectived by a gecko?Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E15 Phantom Cleaner - Part One 31.12.2025 40mnt

  What kind of criminal breaks into your home… and cleans it?When a man from Massachusetts leaves the house with his son, he returns to a scene of domestic disturbance. Floors scrubbed. Surfaces polished. Toys in his son’s room neatly rearranged, and intricate toilet paper roses left in the bathrooms. Nothing stolen. Nothing damaged. Just a mysteriously cleaned house, with no explanation why.At first, this appears to be a hopeless case with no leads, no motive and zero suspects. But things take a sharp turn when an unlikely witness emerges. There's only one tiny problem... this witness isn’t human.Undeterred, we attempt to make contact with the creature, embarking on a journey that is as bizarre as it is revealing. And if you thought we’d hit peak unhinged already… you have no idea what’s coming. Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes.Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E14 Pleasurable Percentages - BONUS 18.12.2025 23mnt

  How good are we at solving crimes… statistically speaking?After several months of operating the Unqualified Detective Agency, we finally attempt to answer the question no one asked but everyone fears: what is our actual crime-solving success rate?A supposedly simple calculation quickly descends into bickering, selective memory, creative accounting, and a spirited debate over what should and definitely should not count as “solved”.To restore order, we bring in a professional statistician to crunch the numbers properly. The result is a percentage so alarming it raises serious questions about competence, confidence, and whether maths should ever be trusted.If you’ve ever wondered how not to measure success, this bonus episode is for you.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E13 Santa Snatcher 18.12.2025 46mnt

  On 14th December 2019, a child-sized decorative Santa vanished from The Strawberry Hall pub in Dublin.But this wasn’t your average festive felony.Within 24 hours, photos of the kidnapped Santa began appearing on a dedicated Instagram account, mocking the pub, and taunting Ireland.And then came the twist no one was prepared for.
Santa wasn’t just stolen…
he was being held for ransom.
For €5,000, to be precise.As the investigation deepens, the plot thickens with every clue. Was this the work of opportunistic thieves? A carefully orchestrated prank? Or most disturbingly - was this an inside job?It’s beginning to look a lot like… evidence.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
• S3 E12 Rural Rectal Rampage - Part Four 04.12.2025 30mnt

  In the tense finale of Rural Rectal Rampage, we finally meet the shadowy figure pulling the strings behind the entire scandal.A seemingly simple confrontation unravels into something far more complex… an unexpected motive that forces everyone to rethink everything they thought they knew about the crime… and about themselves.As we piece together the true intent behind the Rampage, we arrive at a dangerous crossroads:
is our duty simply to solve crimes…or has this investigation pushed us toward actually committing one?Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes.Sound design by @juanthummler See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.