This Complex Life

Episode

• 
  Why You Feel Like Strangers After Years Together 15.09.2026 21mnt

  You still say I love you before bed. You still sit next to each other on the couch most nights. Nothing bad has happened, no big fight, no betrayal, and somewhere along the way you stopped feeling like you actually know this person.This episode looks at three reasons emotional intimacy fades in long term relationships, even when nothing has gone wrong, and what you can actually do about it this week.Things Discussed:What bids for connection are, and why missing them slowly creates distanceThe Gottman research on why relationships more often end in a slow drift than one big blow upWhy spending time together is not the same as quality timeThe REV framework for listening: reflect, empathically attune, validateThe still face experiment, and why a blank face can feel threateningWhy couples stop updating each other, and how to start againSpecific open ended questions to try with your partner this weekTimestamps:2:00 Why emotional distance builds without one clear cause3:00 Bids for connection, explained5:00 The Gottman research on what keeps couples together7:00 Why time together is not the same as quality time9:00 The problem with yes or no questions11:00 REV: reflect, empathically attune, validate14:00 The still face experiment15:00 The third reason couples drift apart18:00 Questions to try with your partner this week20:00 Small deposits, not one grand gestureResources and LinksFree open ended questions guide Open ended questions https://marievakakis.com.au/open-ended-questions-for-couples/Relationship Reset coursehttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Connect with Marie:https://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Sex Therapy vs Couples Therapy: What's the Difference? 08.09.2026 30mnt

  Most people don't know the difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, or which one they actually need. In this episode, Tania Wellby, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist, joins Marie to talk about sexual scripts, mismatched desire and why your partner turning you down is almost never about you. It's a direct conversation about the stuff most of us only type into Google late at night and never say out loud.Things DiscussedThe difference between a sex therapist and a couples therapist, and how to know which one you needWhat actually brings people to sex therapy, from mismatched desire to sexual trauma to dating anxietySexual scripts, the unspoken rules about sex and gender we absorb from culture and never actually choseWhy one partner's low desire so often gets misread as rejectionThe vulnerability cycle, and how it shows up around sex as much as it does around conflictHow to say what you actually feel instead of the thing that starts a fightWhy nothing shocks a good sex therapist, and what that means for the rest of usTimestamps0:00 What actually brings someone to sex therapy2:00 Welcome to This Complex Life with Tania Wellby5:00 Why sex is still taboo, even among social workers8:00 What actually brings people through the door13:00 Sex therapy or couples therapy, how to know which one you need14:00 Sexual scripts, the blueprint nobody signs up for17:00 The vulnerability cycle and why low desire gets read as rejection23:00 Is there anything that could still shock herResources and LinksTania Wellbyhttps://www.yestherapy.com.au/meet-taniaFree sex and intimacy guidehttps://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Guest InfoTania Wellby is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Sex Therapist. She's dual trained, which means she works across both the mental health side and the sex therapy side of what people bring into the room, including desire, sexual trauma, sexuality and relationships.
• 
  Love Without Desire: Navigating Spark Loss 01.09.2026 24mnt

  You love your partner and you'd choose them again if you had to do it all over, so why did you stop wanting sex with them?As a couples therapist, this is one of the most common things I hear from couples, and it's almost never about love running out.In this episode, I break down why love and desire run on completely different systems, how safety and familiarity can quietly work against your sex life, what becoming a parent does to desire (and why being touched out is different from just being tired), how resentment blocks desire and why waiting for spontaneous desire to strike is a myth that's setting you up to wait forever.I also share practical ways to bring the spark back without adding pressure, including the difference between wanting and willing and one simple exercise you can try tonight. If you've been quietly wondering whether something's wrong with you or your relationship, this episode is for you.Free conflict workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Free guide to sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/0:00 Why you can love someone and still not want sex with them6:00 Becoming a parent and feeling touched out12:00 Resentment and the mental load15:00 Why waiting for spontaneous desire is a myth20:00 Bringing back novelty, fun and playfulnessENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  My Partner Wants Sex More Than I Do 18.08.2026 18mnt

  The kitchen is finally clean. You've sat down for the first time all day. Then a hand lands on your back and your shoulders go tight before you've decided anything at all. You love them. You're just completely done, and you already know how tonight goes if you say no.This week I answer a listener question from someone who wants sex less often than her partner does and has started to wonder whether something is wrong with her. We talk about why the number is almost never the actual problem, what's really driving the tension in these dynamics and what you can do about it.Things DiscussedThe listener question: my partner wants sex more than I do, and I feel like I'm failing at something I'm supposed to wantWhy differences in desire show up in most long term relationships at some pointWhat shifts desire over time, including illness, medication side effects, parenting, stress, hormone changes and body changesWhy a difference in desire doesn't mean you're incompatibleThe meaning people make of a no, and why that meaning does more damage than the no itselfSexual scripts and the templates we all carry about who initiates and how it's supposed to goWhy there's no normal frequency, and why many couples have never agreed on what sex even means to themThe golden rule: it's fun, it's pleasurable, everyone is willing and able, and no can be said without an unintended consequenceHow affection drops off when every touch feels loaded, from opposite ends of the couch to not holding handsBeing lonely in the same house, living like housemates or ships in the nightResponsive desire and spontaneous desire, and why waiting to feel like it first can mean waiting a very long timeWhy planning for it and building anticipation isn't a failure of romanceWhy the big weekend away often ends in a fight instead of connectionEmily Nagoski's accelerator and brakes analogy, and how two people can have very different sensitivitiesTaking sex off the table for an agreed period so bodies can relaxHow to open the conversation, when to have it, and why your first attempt is allowed to be a rough draftThe sex education most of us got, and what it left outTimestamps0:00 The hand on your back and the panic that follows1:00 The listener question and why it comes up so often2:00 Differences in desire show up in most long term relationships3:00 What changes desire over time4:00 Sexual scripts and the meaning we make of a no4:50 There is no normal frequency6:30 How affection slides off the agenda8:00 Lonely in the same house9:40 Responsive desire and the myth of spontaneous desire11:20 Planning, anticipation and why it still counts12:50 Why the weekend away backfires13:40 Accelerators and brakes14:40 Taking sex off the table16:10 How to start the conversation17:40 You are not failing at anythingResources and LinksFree guide to talking about sex and intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/time-to-talk-a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy/Relationship Reset, including the full module on intimacy: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Couples Therapy Masterclass series for therapists, including the module on working with desire discrepancy: https://marievakakis.com.au/professionals-training/Work with me: https://marievakakis.com.au/contact/Episode with Dr Sarah Ashton on sexual scripts and desire: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1xGrzIjeplUPmQ9zCfOfnX?si=9wX0pMK4QN6I8xEDT3XVMgBooks mentionedCome As You Are by Emily Nagoski Come Together by Emily NagoskiKeep the Conversation GoingGot a question you want answered on the podcast? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9I read every question that comes in, even the ones I cannot get to.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Why Mental Health Advice Doesn't Change What You Do a Conversation with All in the Mind Host Sana Qadar 12.08.2026 31mnt

  Why doesn't mental health advice change what you actually do? You can name your attachment style, explain what co-regulation means and know exactly why yelling isn't helping, and still lose it before school drop off. In this episode I talk with Sana Qadar, host of the ABC's All in the Mind, about the gap between knowing the research and using it, the mental health words that have lost their meaning, and the one parenting strategy she took home and used within the week.Things we discussedHow a journalist who trained to be a war reporter ended up hosting a psychology podcastWhy being fluent in mental health language isn't the same as changing your behaviourThe anti yelling advice from Dr Lindsay Gibson that fixed Sana's morning routine overnightTurning the school morning into a game instead of a fightThe difference between willpower and building a system around yourselfWhat has actually changed in how we talk about mental health in the last five yearsTrauma, ADHD and narcissism used as catchall terms, and what gets lost when they areHow Sana decides how much of her own life to share with listenersWorking out whether the person giving you advice online is actually qualifiedWhy almost every episode about the brain turns out to be a story about a relationshipWhat makes you hard to live with, and what it means when someone calls you unreflectiveTimestamps0:00 Intro1:40 From war reporting to psychology and neuroscience2:40 Why knowing the research doesn't mean you're doing the work4:40 The parenting advice she took home and used that week6:20 How much of yourself to share when you host a show9:20 The basket of paper tasks that changed their mornings10:10 What has shifted in how we talk about mental health11:00 Trauma, ADHD and therapy speak as catchall labels12:40 The story that stayed with her16:00 What it's like being the one getting interviewed21:30 How to work out if someone is qualified to give advice24:30 Why every brain story is really a relationship story27:20 What makes you hard to live withAbout SanaSana Qadar is the host of All in the Mind on ABC Radio National. She spent ten years working in international news before moving into psychology and mental health reporting, and has been hosting All in the Mind full time since 2021. She isn't a psychologist or a therapist, which is exactly why this conversation is useful. If you have a topic you'd like the show to cover, you can email [email protected] and linksAll in the Mind podcast – get it on the ABC listen app or where ever you get your podcastsKeep the conversation goingGot a question or a topic you'd like covered? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
• 
  The 5 Love Languages: What the Research Actually Says 04.08.2026 15mnt

  The five love languages have sold over 20 million copies and become one of the most widely used frameworks in pop psychology. Most couples have done the quiz. A lot of them have tried to apply it. In this episode, Marie talks about what the research actually found when the core claims were tested, where the framework falls short in practice, and what consistently shows up in the research as a far better predictor of relationship satisfaction.Things DiscussedThe origins of the five love languages and why the book resonated with so many peopleWhy the framework was based on pastoral counselling, not researchWhat the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy found when it formally tested the core claimsWhy having the same primary love language as your partner doesn't predict relationship satisfactionThe ways people misuse the love languages: as a compatibility test, a measuring stick, or a fixed diagnosisWhy love language preferences shift with life stage, stress and having kidsResponsiveness and bids for connection: what the research shows is a far better predictor of relationship satisfactionLove maps: understanding your partner's inner world, why most couples stop updating them after three to five years, and what that costsPractical steps: asking your partner what would make them feel loved right now, staying curious, keeping the conversation goingTimestamps0:00 Introduction1:00 Why the five love languages resonated and what the book got right2:15 The research gap: pastoral counselling versus evidence3:00 The five categories and what the research found about shared love languages4:30 What goes wrong: love languages as a compatibility test6:00 Responsiveness and bids for connection8:00 Love maps and staying updated on your partner's inner world10:30 What to do instead13:30 Relationship Reset and how to get supportResources and LinksThe 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Relationship Reset Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/ Keep the Conversation Goingforms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Why does my partner get so defensive? 09.07.2026 25mnt

  Your partner gets defensive and suddenly the conversation you needed to have is completely buried. Now you’re defending yourself, they’re defending themselves, and whatever you actually needed to talk about is gone. This is one of the most common things I see in couples therapy, and in almost every case there’s more going on underneath the surface than it looks like from where you’re standing.What this episode coversWhat defensiveness usually is: a reaction to how something was delivered, not just a personality traitCriticism vs contempt: the two Gottman concepts that predict relationship breakdown and how they trigger defensive responsesHow to tell the difference between attacking the person and describing your own experienceThe shopping trolley story: intention, impact and interpretation, and why couples fight about the wrong thingHow past experiences, trauma and negative sentiment override shape the way your partner hears what you sayWhy some people are wired to hear an attack even when there isn’t oneWhat to do when you see defensiveness coming, including the gentle startupLeading with curiosity instead of accusationHow to ask your partner to rephrase something when it has landed wrongTimestamps0:00 Introduction2:00 Criticism and contempt: what Gottman research tells us4:00 How you start the conversation changes everything6:00 Intention, impact and interpretation10:00 When interpretation becomes the story we tell ourselves13:00 How past experiences and trauma shape defensive responses17:00 What to do when your partner gets defensive20:00 How to phrase things differently and ask for a rephraseResources and LinksConflict Workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/marathon-couples-therapy/ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Grief: How to Cope and Support Someone Grieving 30.06.2026 28mnt

  Grief is one of those feelings we don't talk about very well, even though every single one of us will live through it. In this solo episode I sit with grief in all its forms, from the loss we expect to the loss that knocks us sideways. I talk about what helped me, what I see in the therapy room, and the small practical things that actually make a difference when you're the one grieving or the one trying to support someone who is.Things DiscussedThe many different types of grief, and why having language for them helpsAnticipatory grief, and what it's like to slowly lose a grandparent to dementiaThe things people say with the best intentions that quietly make grief harderWhy two people can lose the same person and grieve like strangersGrief bursts, and why a wave of sadness can arrive months or years laterHow to genuinely show up for someone instead of asking them to tell you what they needWhat to do when grief comes out as angerWhy comparing whose loss is worse misses the point entirelyTimestamps0:00 Why we don't talk about grief0:30 The many types of grief2:20 My first experiences of grief5:30 Grief and love arrive together9:30 What not to say to someone grieving13:00 Practical grievers and feeling grievers17:40 How to actually show up for someone22:30 Anticipatory griefResources and LinksInside Social Work: When a Client Dies by Suicide: Reflections for Mental Health ProfessionalsWork with a therapistQuestion or topic suggestions: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, or a topic you'd like me to explore? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  How to fall back in love with your partner 24.06.2026 26mnt

  You still like each other. You get along well. There's no crisis, nothing obviously broken. You've just stopped feeling in love the way you used to, and you're not sure whether you can get it back. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it comes up more often than almost anything else I hear in my consulting room.What this episode coversWhy what you're describing is extremely common and what the difference between drifting apart and falling out of love actually meansThe plant metaphor: why a relationship that doesn't get what it needs fails not because it wasn't resilient but because it wasn't tendedFive signs you've drifted: patterns have become functional rather than romantic, conversation is mostly logistics, small moments of connection have disappeared, you're on autopilot, you're coexisting rather than connectingWhy this happens, especially when children arrive, and why the relationship gets quietly deprioritised because it seems more stable than everything else demanding your attentionThe emotional piggy bank: why small consistent deposits build the buffer you need when hard times come, and why so many couples are in overdraftBids for connection and the three ways we respond to themWhy weekend getaways often make things worse and what actually works insteadHow to start the conversation using I statements that describe feelings rather than the other person's behaviourWhy tone matters as much as words and how the same sentence can land completely differently depending on how it's deliveredHow to pick the right timing for a difficult conversation and stop setting each other up to failThe marathon session story: a couple who fell back in love after two days of deep conversationSmall deposits to start todayTimestamps0:00 Introduction and the Ask Marie question2:30 Why drifting apart is different from falling out of love5:30 Five signs you've drifted15:00 Why it happens: parenting and deprioritising the relationship20:00 What actually works23:00 Bids for connection and the emotional piggy bank27:00 How to start the conversation32:00 Picking the right time35:00 The marathon session storyResources and LinksRelationship Reset courseOpen-ended questions for couplesMarathon sessions at The Therapy HubKeep the Conversation GoingGot a question for Ask Marie? Send it through: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakisWebsite: marievakakis.com.auENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  7 signs your partner is emotionally checked out 02.06.2026 27mnt

  You're spending time together. Dinners, dog walks, evenings on the couch. Nobody's fighting, nothing is obviously broken. Something feels completely off and you can't quite point to it. In this episode I walk through seven signs your partner might be emotionally checked out, even when everything looks fine from the outside.What this episode coversSign 1: Questions that became routine rather than curious, and why knowing what's happening in your partner's life makes you better at asking the follow-upSign 2: Physical affection quietly dropping, not just sex but the small everyday moments of touch, and why this can happen so slowly that hugging each other starts to feel slightly foreignSign 3: Managing each other instead of talking, when the relationship starts to run like a workplace, and why that efficiency is a warning sign rather than a sign of maturitySign 4: The phone as a barrier and an escape, what it signals when someone reaches for their device in uncomfortable moments, and the case for tech-free time togetherSign 5: They stop mentioning the things that bother them, why silence in a relationship isn't always peace, and what it actually means when someone stops trying to bring things upSign 6: They stop showing up for the moments that matter, from milestones and anniversaries to tough days, and how what counts as showing up changes over timeSign 7: No more future talk, why planning together is one of the clearest signals of investment, and what it means when those conversations fall off the radarWhy this usually develops: missed bids for connection, fights that end in stonewalling without repair, and a slow accumulation of unresolved thingsHow to start the conversation without putting your partner on the defensiveWhen to get outside support and what that might look likeTimestamps0:00 Introduction1:30 Sign 1: Questions that became routine5:30 Sign 2: Physical affection drops8:00 Sign 3: Managing each other not talking9:30 Sign 4: The phone13:30 Sign 5: They stop sharing what bothers them16:00 Sign 6: They stop showing up for big moments19:00 Sign 7: No more future talk20:30 Why it develops and how to start the conversationResources and LinksRelationship Reset course: marievakakis.com.auFree Conflict Workbook: marievakakis.com.auConnected Teens parenting courseMarathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: thetherapyhub.com.auConnected Teen: marievakakis.com.auKeep the Conversation GoingGot a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakisWebsite: marievakakis.com.auENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Feeling lonely in your relationship? Ask Marie 21.05.2026 29mnt

  Feeling lonely in a relationship even a good one? This is one of the most common things I hear in therapy, and one of the hardest feelings to name.You're in a relationship with someone you love. Nothing dramatic is wrong, there's no big fight, no obvious reason and most of the time you feel lonely. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it's one of the most common things I hear across both individual and couples therapy. In this episode I talk about what relational loneliness actually is, how it develops, why it's so hard to name, and what to do with it.What this episode coversWhat it means to feel lonely in the presence of someone who loves you, and why it's more common than most people feel permitted to say out loudThe difference between being alone and feeling lonely, and why relational loneliness is often more painfulHow loneliness in a relationship develops gradually through small missed moments of connection rather than one dramatic eventThe Gottman concepts of turning towards and turning away, and how missed bids for connection accumulate over timeHow conflict style contributes to loneliness: when sharing something doesn't land well, we quietly stop sharingWhy this feeling is so hard to name: guilt, fear of seeming ungrateful, and not feeling entitled to the emotionThe headache metaphor: loneliness as a symptom that signals something underneath needs attentionHow to start the conversation with your partner without it turning into a fightWhat to do when every attempt to raise it gets shut downWhy loneliness in a relationship is information, not a verdictTimestamps4:00 What relational loneliness actually is12:30 Conflict style and disconnection22:00 How to start the conversation28:00 When to get outside support30:00 Loneliness is information, not a verdictResources and LinksRelationship Reset course: This is where to start if this episode resonated.Free Conflict WorkbookRelated episode: Drifting Apart in a RelationshipRelated episode: Bids for connection Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakisWebsite: marievakakis.com.au
• 
  Bad marriage advice with Monica Tanner 05.05.2026 32mnt

  You've probably received the same relationship advice everyone gets. Never go to bed angry. Just communicate more. Send them the link. Some of it sounds reasonable and most of it gets misapplied in ways that create more problems than they solve. Monica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host and author of the Amazon bestselling book Bad Marriage Advice, and she joins me to talk about what couples have been taught that isn't actually helping them, and what works instead.What this episode coversWhy never going to bed angry is one of the most misunderstood pieces of relationship advice and what it was actually meant to meanThe HALTS acronym and why timing matters more than most couples realise when trying to work through conflictMonica's thought download exercise: how to separate what's actually happened from the story you're telling yourself about itWhy an outsized reaction from your partner is almost never about what's happening right in front of youWhat Relational Life Therapy is and how the three phase approach works with couplesThe wise adult versus the adaptive child and what bringing yourself back online actually looks like in a heated momentWhy understanding your partner doesn't mean agreeing with themHow to share something you've learned with your partner without it turning into another argumentWhat to do when one partner is unhappy and the other thinks everything is fineMonica's through line: if advice dampens communication, it's bad adviceTimestamps0:00 Introduction1:00 How Bad Marriage Advice came about2:30 Never go to bed angry: what it actually means5:00 Monica's personal experience and what changed7:30 HALTS and responsible distance taking9:00 The thought download exercise12:00 Empathy for deeply ingrained beliefs 13:00 What Relational Life Therapy is15:30 How Monica and her husband navigate things now17:00 If it's hysterical it's historical18:00 Understanding does not equal agreement19:30 Being curious without being condescending20:00 Walking on eggshells and when to get help21:30 How to introduce this to your partner without it backfiring24:00 Sending 30 reels and what it really means27:00 When one partner wants to work on things and the other doesn't30:00 Why going to therapy alone can still shift a dynamicResources and LinksMonica Tanner's website: monicatanner.com Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast: monicatanner.com Bad Marriage Advice by Monica Tanner: available on Amazon Relationship Reset course: marievakakis.com.auKeep the Conversation GoingGot a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.auMonica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host of Secrets of Happily Ever After and author of Bad Marriage Advice. Find her at monicatanner.com.website: https://monicatanner.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriageYoutube: https://youtube.com/@secretsofhappilyeverafter
• 
  The Fawn Response: What It Is and how to change it 28.04.2026 38mnt

  If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it, apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or changed your opinion halfway through a conversation just to keep the peace, this episode is for you. The fawn response is one of the least understood nervous system patterns and one of the most invisible. It looks like being easygoing, warm and accommodating. From the outside it can be indistinguishable from kindness. The cost of it is paid quietly, and over time.What this episode coversWhat the fawn response is and how it sits alongside fight, flight and freeze as a distinct nervous system patternThe research behind it including Pete Walker's clinical work and what polyvagal theory adds to our understandingHow fawning shows up day to day: constant apologising, abandoning your opinions mid-conversation, shape shifting between social groups, and checking behaviours in relationshipsWhy fawning gets mistaken for being a good person and how it gets culturally rewarded, particularly for womenWhere the fawn response comes from and why it almost always starts in childhoodWhat fawning is actually costing you: chronic low-level resentment, disconnection, and a gradual loss of your own sense of self and preferencesThe difference between fawning and genuine kindness, and the body test that tells you which one you're doingWhether fawning is always a trauma responseWhat to actually do about it, starting with low-stakes moments and one phrase that changes everythingWhether the fawn response goes away once you recognise itTimestamps0:00 Introduction 1:00 What the fawn response is and where the research comes from 3:00 Fight, flight, freeze and fawn explained 4:30 How fawning shows up in everyday life 10:00 Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person 12:00 Where the fawn response comes from 16:00 Why fawning rather than fight or flight 19:00 What it's actually costing you 22:00 How fawning creates distance not closeness 23:00 What to actually do about it 26:00 Low-stakes practice 30:00 When to seek support 31:00 Q&A: Is fawning the same as people pleasing? 32:00 Q&A: Is fawning always a trauma response? 33:00 Q&A: How do I know if I'm fawning or just being nice? 35:00 Q&A: Can fawning develop in adulthood? 36:30 Q&A: Does fawning go away once you recognise it?Keep the Conversation GoingGot a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.au
• 
  Help, We Keep Fighting About Money 20.04.2026 26mnt

  Most couples have had the same money argument dozens of times without ever having the real conversation underneath it. Research shows that 58% of Australian couples report finances as a major source of conflict, and a study of over 5,500 couples found the pattern of the conversation predicted the outcome, not the financial situation.This episode covers:Why money fights are almost never about the moneyThe money stories we carry from childhood and how they shape every conversation about financesHow money becomes about power, identity and influence in a relationshipThe gendered lens we bring to money conversations and why it mattersQuestions to ask your partner to open the conversation rather than shut it downWhy curiosity before problem solving is the thing that actually changes thingsENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Sex and Disability: Pleasure Is for Everyone 09.04.2026 30mnt

  Sex and disability. Two words most people still find uncomfortable in the same sentence. I sat down with sexologist Casey Payne to talk about what we get wrong, why pleasure belongs to everyone regardless of how their body works, and what it actually looks like to reclaim intimacy after disability, illness, or a body that's changed.Things DiscussedWhy disability and sexuality are both taboo and what happens when you put them togetherRedefining sex beyond intercourse and why that matters for anyone whose body has changedThe orgasm gap and why around 90 per cent of women can't orgasm through penetration aloneHow carers and parents can support sexual autonomy without having every conversation themselvesPractical ways to start reclaiming pleasure after illness, injury, or chronic health conditionsHow to find a sexologist in Australia and what to expectChapter Timestamps[00:00] Sex and disability: why this conversation matters[03:00] Redefining what sex actually is[06:30] Body image and who sex is for[09:00] The orgasm gap and sex toys as tools[13:00] Carers, parents and adult sexuality[18:30] How sex education lowers abuse risk[22:00] Reclaiming sexuality after disability[26:00] Starting with pleasure, not sex[28:00] What sex education should look like[29:30] How to find a sexologist in AustraliaResources and LinksThe Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, includes a workbookThe Orgasm Gap by Karen GurneySex Education on Netflix, seasons 1 and 2 recommendedSociety of Australian Sexologists: sexologist.org.auPleasure Pixel professional development course for support workers: pleasurepixel.com.auFree resource on getting comfortable talking about sex: marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sexKeep the Conversation GoingDownload the free resource at marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sexGot a question about sex, intimacy, or relationships? Submit it at forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 and it might feature in a future Ask Marie episode.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need it. A rating on Apple Podcasts helps more people find the show.Guest InformationCasey Payne is a sexologist specialising in sexual health, disability, and intimacy, with a professional development course for support workers and other resources for adults at pleasurepixel.com.au.About the Showhttps://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/https://www.linkedin.com/in/marievakakis/https://www.youtube.com/@marievakakisfacebook.com/marievakakisconsulting
• 
  The Psychology of the Ick — and What It Says About You 31.03.2026 19mnt

  The ick in dating, it’s that moment where someone does something completely normal, and your whole body just shuts down. A 2025 study found that 64% of people have felt it, and about a quarter ended the relationship because of it. It is a real psychological phenomenon, and it might be telling you more about yourself than the person across the table.This episode covers:What the ick actually is and why it happensRed flags versus superficial triggersHow shame, projection and avoidant attachment show up as the ickWhether we are being too picky in the wrong ways and not picky enough in the right onesWhat to do when the ick shows up in your relationshipResources:If you want to move from reacting to reflecting, download my Conflict & Connection Guide to help you navigate those moments of disconnect.https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-things-women-do-ick_l_65fdc42fe4b087dad305664b
• 
  Is Your Wounded Child Ruining Your Relationship? 19.02.2026 11mnt

  Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge?Like a ten out of ten response to something small?You are crying over coffee.They are confused.You are both thinking, what just happened?It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older.In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop.This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern.In this episode I cover:• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions• How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict• What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight• Why you get louder and they shut down• What secure conflict actually feels like• Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than reactYou are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical.The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy. Resources:If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity.https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  Attachment Styles in Conflict: Breaking the Cycle 10.02.2026 11mnt

  If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it. Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.In this episode you will learn:• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict• Why repair is more important than getting it rightResources mentioned:Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/ Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/ Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy HubIf this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  5 Conversations Couples Should Have Before It’s Too Late 03.02.2026 18mnt

  So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.What we coverThe conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnectionWhat to talk about before starting study or changing routinesWhy money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them togetherHow to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of youExpectations around parenting, roles and who does whatHow fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentmentMentioned in this episodeRelationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter GuideTherapy sessions at The Therapy HubENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
• 
  I Got a Promotion and My Partner Isn’t Happy for Me 21.01.2026 20mnt

  Sharing good news with your partner should feel connecting. Yet for many people, moments of success can quickly turn into hurt or tension when the response feels flat, awkward, or dismissive.In this episode, I respond to a listener question about getting a promotion and feeling unsupported by their partner. I unpack three common reasons this happens and what is often going on underneath the surface.This is not about someone being uncaring or selfish. It is about different emotional languages, family histories, and unspoken fears colliding in the same moment.What this episode exploresWhy celebrations matter differently to different peopleHow family culture shapes responses to successWhy promotions can trigger shame, fear, or disconnectionHow money and identity influence reactionsWhat to say when a moment goes wrong and how to slow the conversation downWhen good news turns into conflict, it is rarely about the achievement itself. It is about meaning, expectations, and what has not yet been said.ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/Connect with Mariehttps://thetherapyhub.com.au/https://marievakakis.com.au/https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/Submit a question to the Podcasthttps://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6 Mentioned in this episode:Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/