Soul Gum

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  Habits of Highly Charismatic People 13.09.2026 41分

  The manosphere wants you to think charisma is all about dominance and control. But what if it’s actually about deep presence and social courage?I don’t want to be like the guy who uses scarce communication to hide his lack of depth and fear of commitment. I want to be like the people who make you feel cool just by talking to them, while radiating charisma themselves.If you’ve ever wondered why some people can have fun talking to literally anyone, struggled to know what to say when someone asks you a question, or wished you were more comfortable saying what you actually think, this episode is for you.In today’s episode, we unpack 5 habits of highly charismatic people, from what they say when they’re getting to know someone to how they navigate disagreements. Along the way, we’ll talk about what we can learn from Socrates about swag, dive into the science of answering any question well, and use Byung-Chul Han’s concept of “the smooth” to investigate how we can stay raw and real in a world that tries to sand our edges.EPISODE OUTLINE: HABITS OF HIGHLY CHARISMATIC PEOPLE00:00 Intro07:14 1. How to ask better questions 08:18 The science of how asking questions makes people like you 10:18 The power of follow-up questions13:41 2. How to answer any question without freezing 14:37 The scary thing no one tells you about writing a book 17:11 Why your mind goes blank when someone asks you a question 18:03 The secret to answering questions with ease 20:21 The link between storytelling and charisma22:40 3. Stop performing agreement in conversations 23:18 What is backchanneling? 23:59 Upspeak, confidence, gender, and the way we talk 26:05 Should we actually backchannel less?28:58 4. How charismatic people handle disagreement 30:27 What Socrates can teach us about intellectual humility32:14 5. Stop treating human connection like a formula33:36 Byung-Chul Han and “the smooth”36:13 Btw you’re not a chad for wanting to be loved39:04  Lightning round recap40:44 Poem: Small Kindnesses by Danusha LamérisMY LINKSMy debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Subscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
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  How to Plan Your Fall to Change Your Life 31.08.2026 41分

  Pumpkin spice apologists wya? It’s the great lock in Charlie Brown!!!!! In this episode, I’m walking you through the exact five-step seasonal planning system that dramatically changed my life a few years back. Along the way, we’ll dive into the philosophy and psychology behind why it works. We’ll talk through Nietzsche’s philosophy on habits, Simone de Beauvoir’s ideas on how to reconcile your past and future selves, the planning fallacy, and more. Whether you want to change the trajectory of your life this fall or just set up some systems to make life a little less chaotic, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE: HOW TO PLAN YOUR FALL TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE 00:00 Intro06:21 I made you a worksheet ◡̈09:30 STEP 1: THE AUDIT10:36 Facticity vs. transcendence (de Beauvoir) 11:11 The importance of considering both your past and your potential12:55 Using self-distancing to self-reflect more effectively13:31 How to audit your goals14:56 How to audit your execution18:24 STEP 2: THE PURGE 19:07 The paradox of choiceCleaning out digital and physical worlds22:15 Choice architecture25:15 STEP 3: THE CHOICE25:55 The planning fallacy27:54 Optimism bias & why overplanning feels good29:00 STEP 4. THE TRADE OFF 31:25 Nietzsche’s on the power of “brief habits” 33:10 STEP 5. THE TIME 34:33 Temporal landmarks and why they make you more likely to achieve goals 35:44 the fresh start effect36:05 Kairos: the opportune moment37:28 Leaving room for life inside our lives38:13 Lightning round recapEPISODE LINKSGet instant access to the fall planning worksheet HERE. NOTE: If you can't find it in your email, search "YOUR FALL PLANNING WORKSHEET" in your email inbox! It is likely hiding in the Social or Promotions tab. My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowSubscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
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  The Possibility Crisis of Your Late 20s 16.08.2026 27分

  If your early twenties are for your Sylvia Plath fig tree allegory crisis, then your late twenties are for your Joan Didion Goodbye to All That crisis. In her famous 1967 essay, Didion writes, “That was the year, my twenty-eighth, when I was discovering that not all of the promises would be kept, that some things are in fact irrevocable and that it had counted after all, every evasion and every procrastination, every mistake, every word, all of it.”This episode explores a strain of existential dread that often shows up in your late twenties: the possibility crisis. Sometimes it hits you after capital-S Something happens. A bad break up, a wounding professional failure, or a friendship ending that felt like betrayal. Other times, there is no one defining moment or incident. You just realize one day that you are no longer as bright eyed, bushy tailed, or hopeful as you used to be, and can’t put your finger on why. Using Didion’s Goodbye to All That as our guide, we break down three key signs you might be experiencing a possibility crisis and what it might be trying to teach you.  Along the way, we talk about how to cope with the realization that certain doors really do close, what to do when new people stop feeling full of promise, and how to let go of the fantasy that someday you’ll magically know what you’re doing. Consider this episode a field guide on the strange grief of growing up. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 04:23 What made Joan Didion great?05:13 Signs of a Goodbye to All That crisis05:46 1. You realize future you is just you07:41 Weird girl money 08:22 The 90s’ overly adult depiction of your 30s10:41 2. You stop believing in new faces11:32 Hope springs eternal on Love Island12:09 Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first12:58 POV you’re 28 & have met every person alive13:55 3. Some doors are actually closing14:52 The first time I felt a door close16:14 When the doors start slamming left & right17:03 It’s easy to see beginnings and harder to see ends18:54 Perspective shifts that got me out of this crisis 19:29 1. Idk what I’m doing but neither does anyone else20:59 2. Trust means more when it’s a choice not an instinct21:45 3. On “it’s never too late”22:27 Possibility must be unactualized to exist23:10 The U-shaped happiness curve23:55 Has the internet made the possibility crisis start earlier? 24:28 Socioemotional selectivity theory25:25 The happy ending Joan Didion doesn’t tell youEPISODE LINKS⁠My debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Follow Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) ⁠Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok
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  Rituals for De-Internalizing the Male Gaze 02.08.2026 30分

  Be honest: do you ever perform for no one? Do you spectate your own life instead of living it? Have you ever caught yourself changing pieces of you, from your clothes to your voice to your hobbies, in order to impress someone you don’t even like? This episode is for you if you’ve ever sucked in your stomach in a completely empty room. Or scrolled through your own social media posts, imagining someone else looking at them. It’s for you if you've ever looked at yourself through someone else's eyes for so long that you've forgotten what you look like through your own.In it, we’ll unpack how we get trapped under the male gaze through the work of Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir, Susan Sontag, Margaret Atwood, Ada Limón, and more. Then, I'll walk you through 7 rituals that have actually helped me climb out from under it.This is not an episode about giving up on love. It is a field guide on how to stop twisting yourself into inauthentic shapes to earn validation to fill the void of love. If you want to become the subject of your own life again, I think you'll like this one.RITUALS FOR DE-INTERNALIZING THE MALE GAZE: EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro07:28 1. The gaze audit (Sartre)08:40 Subject self versus object self10:01 Foucault’s panopticon & self-surveillence 10:54 How to do a gaze audit 14:11 2. Photo and mirror detox (Sontag)15:42 3. Interrogate “I do it for myself” (de Beauvoir)16:50 de Beauvoir v. Sartre: existence precedes essence?17:21 Do we have to stop shaving to be good feminists?18:14 How to trace the origins of your grooming habits18:47 The marketing origins of shaving20:02 5. Bechdel mode21:35 The importance of non-man focused conversation22:25 6. Pleasure inventory (Mary Oliver)22:56 The antidote to self-surveillance according to psychology23:45 How to take a pleasure inventory24:49 7. Pre-situationship prep26:44 Love poem with apologies for my appearance (Ada Limon27:51 The surprising unobjectifying power of being really loved and really seen28:48 Lightning round recapEPISODE LINKSMy debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowSubscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
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  Secret Portals to Your Next Self 19.07.2026 36分

  In stories, the narrator tells you which ordinary things are portals to magic and adventure. In real life, you have to find them yourself.This episode reveals 5 secret portals to the next version of yourself: seemingly ordinary choices, traits, and habits that are thresholds to the future version of you who lives with more courage, clarity, and freedom. It’s for you if an old version of you has died but the new one hasn’t been born yet. You might have recently experienced a big life change: a move, or a relationship ending, or a career change. Or maybe you know one is coming. It’s for you if you have an unshakeable feeling that there is a more alive version of you out there, if only you could figure out how to get to them. We’ll examine the work of philosophy’s greatest minds, like Nietzsche, Kant, Kafka, and the Ancient Greeks, to uncover the hidden thresholds between who you are and who you're becoming, and point out clues for how to spot them when they appear in your own life.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro04:54 I missed you06:05 Help me keep Soul Gum ad-free07:35 Talk to me!!! 08:18 1. Intuition is a portal08:49 Nietzsche’s beef with Socrates10:44 The neuroscience of intuition (Gary Klein)  12:31 I exist because of a woman’s intuition13:03 The tension between ambition & intuition14:13 Mary Oliver on reacquianting with your intuition15:05 Small ways to reconnect with your intuition15:42 2. Solitude is a portal (Pascal)16:39 The fear of being alone with your thoughts17:33 2014 study on the discomfort of being un-stimulated18:05 Solitude as a tool in my creative process18:58 Brain drain study: it is that d**n phone19:30 Going phone n*k*d20:12 3. Aligned friendship is a portal21:36 Nietzsche: Friends should be your “best enemies”23:06 Friendship as a mirror 23:40 The research of social contagion 24:18 Look for friends that show you what’s possible 24:52 4. Nature is a portal25:40 Our increasingly sanitized relationship with nature26:15 Kant, the sublime, and the gorpcore of it all28:41 The ego-interrupting power of awe29:45 5. Action is a portal (Kafka’s Before the Law)31:29 Mary Oliver on the most regretful people 32:00 You deserve to know what’s on the other side of fear32:33 Leap by Joy Sullivan33:34 For the Ones Who Left by Me (Victoria Hutchins)34:29 Lightning round recap35:40 Subscribe, rate, share, talk to me!!! LINKSMy debut poetry collection MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere nowSubscribe to Soul Gum’s new instagram :-) Follow me on Instagram and TikTok
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  Season 3 Coming Soon 07.09.2025 6分

  See you soon - I'll miss you! Make sure you're subscribed so you know when Soul Gum is back. WHERE TO FIND ME:MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  The Philosophy of Love 24.08.2025 46分

  Everyone wants love, but no one can tell you exactly what love is. In this episode, we deep dive into seven philosophical perspectives on love, ranging from the Ancient Greeks to the existentialists. If you’re curious whether Plato thought soulmates were real or Kierkegaard would tell you to text your ex, this episode is for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro (the philosophy of love)03:19 What even is love? (hypotheticals on love)07:07 Ancient Greek philosophy on love 07:35 Origins of the concept of soulmates (Plato’s The Symposium)09:03 Socrates’ ladder of love 13:03 Enlightenment thinkers on love 13:15 Love as social performance (Rousseau)13:58 Rousseau’s two types of self love 15:22 How self love affects how you love others17:31 The humanity formula (Kant)   19:49 Practical vs. passionate love (Kant)22:07 Love as a trick (Schopenhauer)24:04 Why do opposites attract? (Schopenhauer)24:28 Is love just biological encouragement to reproduce? (Schopenhauer)26:06 Existentialists on love26:14 The tension between love and freedom of choice (Sartre)27:50 Love as an objectifying force (Sartre)30:32 Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir’s non-monogamous love story 31:40 The relationship between love and possession (de Beauvoir) 33:06 How your fear of being seen impacts your ability to give and receive love (Sartre, Doestoevsky, de Beauvoir) 36:54 Kierkegaard’s Works of Love 37:22 Unreasonable standards in love (Kierkegaard)42:24 Lightning round recapMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEPlato, The Symposium (c. 385–370 BCE)Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract (1762)Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)Immanuel Kant, The Metaphysics of Morals (1797)Arthur Schopenhauer, The World as Will and Representation (1818)Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love (1847)Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground (1864)Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (1944)Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)Gordon Marino, The Existentialist’s Survival Guide (2018)MY LINKSMAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  7 Secrets of Creative Geniuses 17.08.2025 43分

  Ever wonder why some people seem to have endless creativity while you’re stuck with half-baked ideas that never make it out of your Notes app? In this episode, we explore the habits, tips and artistic processes of creative geniuses ranging from Plato and Picasso to Mary Oliver and Rick Rubin. I reveal the 7 secrets of creative geniuses that helped me stop chasing perfection, relight my creative spark, and actually enjoy the process of making art. If you’re ready to stop gatekeeping your own creativity, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro: Why creativity matters for everyone (not just artists)03:58 1. Great creatives don’t let perfection be the enemy of creation (Plato’s Republic, perfection vs. forms, Ira Glass on “the gap”)11:28 2. They separate creation, refinement, and critique (Rick Rubin, The Creative Act)14:41 3. They focus on next possibilities, not ultimate goals (Stuart Kauffman’s adjacent possible, evolutionary biology, Bhagavad Gita, Rick Rubin on artistry vs. craftsmanship)20:56 4. They embrace flow and anti-flow (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow state; Mary Oliver’s editing process; Stanley Kubrick’s many takes)25:52 5. They thrive under constraints (Barry Schwartz’s paradox of choice; Mary Oliver writing Wild Geese as a constraint exercise; Parkinson’s Law)30:35 6. They know that if they don’t create it, someone else will (Rick Rubin on how ideas move, Elizabeth Gilbert’s hand-off story with Ann Patchett)34:01 7. They know that no one really knows (Socrates on knowing nothing, imposter feelings, why your contributions matter)37:57 Lightning round recapMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE • Plato, The Republic • Studies on the impact of perfectionism on performance and creativity (2022 and 2025)• Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being • Stuart Kauffman, At Home in the Universe • Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience • Mary Oliver, A Poetry Handbook; “Wild Geese”; On Being interview with Krista Tippett • Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice• Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Practice yoga with me at Shanti Yoga Houston on the last Sunday of every month!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  How I Got My Spirituality Back 10.08.2025 43分

  What happens when your faith collapses? In this episode, I share my story of spiritual deconstruction and how I learned to believe again—sort of. This isn’t a “how to get your faith back” story. It’s the story of tearing my faith down to the studs, sifting through the rubble, and deciding what was worth keeping. We’ll talk god shaped holes, Kierkegaard, Camus, Pascal’s wager, and the surprising peace of not needing all the answers. This episode if for anyone who is currently filling their god-shaped hole with TikTok marathons, self-help books and spiral-inducing questions. If you started at church camp and have landed in full-blown nihilism, press play. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro: the story of how I lost my faith and got it back (sort of)08:01 1. Why spiritual crises often happen at the worst possible time10:35 How my own spiritual crisis began18:07 Kierkegaard on despair and the self19:47 2. Why spiritual health gets worse before it gets better26:19 The delight of spiritual curiosity27:43 3. Choosing how to fill the God shaped hole29:42 Absurdism and optimistic nihilism (Camus)30:57 Pascal’s Wager explained and what it gets wrong32:51 Approaching belief pragmatically (belief as a choice)33:53 What “god” means to me now 35:33 Can you make yourself believe? Should you?36:16 On stepping in the same river twice (Heraclitus)36:49 Five reflection questions (Rainn Wilson)38:14 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (1849)Rhett McLaughlin’s Spiritual Deconstruction StoryBlaise Pascal, Pensées (1670)St. Augustine, Confessions (c. 400 CE)Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (1942)Heraclitus, Fragment 49a (c. 500 BCE)Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom (2023)Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays (2016)MY LINKS• ⁠Listen to my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Spotify • ⁠Watch my episode of Soul Boom with Rainn Wilson on Youtube• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (write “REQUEST FOR SIGNED COPY” in the order notes!)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ RESOURCES ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• Chat with a Trevor Project counselor now ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ANAD helpline ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• 988 lifeline
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  How to Get Better at Confrontation 03.08.2025 35分

  Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace, your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode, explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need to talk,” this one's for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts23:49 the Gottman institute 24:44 Confrontation don’ts26:14 Confrontation dos26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships26:53 Bids for attention27:59 Soft startups 29:08 Repair attempts32:09 Lightning round recapMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals (1785)​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999)MY LINKS​ ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠​ ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  5 Habits of Great Conversationalists 27.07.2025 38分

  Want to become a better conversationalist? You should! Good conversations can open doors, build friendships, and even change your life. But in an age of goldfish attention spans, hot takes, and chronic fear of being seen, real connection is harder than ever. The good news? Conversation is an art, but it’s also a science. In this episode, we walk through 5 things great conversationalists do differently, according to philosophy and psychology. If you want to feel less robotic on dates, network without cringing, vibe better with your friends, or just not panic when someone says “tell me about yourself,” this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE:00:00 Intro04:07 1. Seeing conversation as a skill11:03 2. Starting lots of conversations18:30 3. Asking more questions25:06 4. Leaving room for the unexpected29:08 5. Expecting reality, not hyperreality 33:27 Lightning round recap 36:19 Challenge MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Simulacra and Simulation, Jean Baudrillard (1981)TALK: The Science of Conversation and The Art of Being Ourselves, Alison Wood Brooks (2025)
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  How to Get Unstuck Post-Crash Out 20.07.2025 45分

  Feeling stuck, numb, or overwhelmed? Crashing out for the third time this week? Good news! Philosophy, the sad girl discipline of academia, has lots of advice for you. This episode breaks down 5 reasons why we get stuck according to philosophical greats like Franz Kafka, Soren Kierkegaard, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and more. We’ll talk about practical strategies to climb out of your spiral and start feeling like yourself again. If your search history includes ‘why am I like this’ and ‘how to feel okay again,’ press play.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro 04:53 You’re stuck because…05:00 1. You’re free 05:18 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)06:04 We’re condemned to be free (Sartre)07:13 The fig tree allegory (Sylvia Plath)13:21 2. You’re choosing information over experience 13:35 Mary’s Room hypothetical (Jackson)22:49 3. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself23:02 The Metamorphosis (Kafka) 26:54 4. You’re expecting sense in senseless places27:04 The Trial (Kafka)35:14 5. You think nothing matters 35:24 Mechanical life (Camus)36:34 The moment of the absurd (Camus)37:13 The myth of Sisyphus (Camus) 40:08 Lightning round recap MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: On Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard (1844)Being and Nothingness, Jean Paul Sartre (1943)The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath (1963)The Big Secret, Deepak Chopra (2008)Epiphenomenal Qualia, Frank Jackson (1982) The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka (1915)The Trial, Franz Kafka (1925)The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus (1942)
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  Nietzsche’s 3 Steps to Soul-Deep Transformation 13.07.2025 30分

  19th century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed every transformation followed a sacred three-step pattern. In this episode, we walk through the three metamorphoses of the soul from Nietzsche’s 1883 work Thus Spoke Zarathustra. We’ll talk about why a chapter of chaos might be necessary to become your fullest, truest self, and how Nietzsche’s stages apply to modern life. This episode is for you if you're experiencing or anticipating a big shift, no matter whether it relates to your career, relationships, creativity, spirituality, identity, or everything at once. If you’re feeling lost, restless, or ready for reinvention, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro06:34 The camel spirit 11:32 The lion spirit 17:25 The child spirit 25:40 Lightning round recap 26:43 ChallengeMY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  Smart Girl Summer Toolkit 06.07.2025 32分

  Thought daughters, this one’s for you. This episode is your guide to keeping your mind fed all summer long. In it, I share the note-taking system that’s changing my life, a 10 minute morning routine that primes your brain for creative work, recs for intellectually stimulating podcasts, books, and newsletters, and more. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro02:14 1. Take notes  06:57 2. Write by hand08:42 3. Get out of your echo chamber11:01 4. Remember the Zeigarnik effect 14:54 5. Change your conversation norms18:08 6. Practice hard attention21:11 7. 10 minute morning rule22:33 8. Chew your brain food23:54 9. Show what you don’t know26:20 Newsletter recs 27:41 Philosophy podcast recs28:08 Poetry recs29:40 Lightning round recap 
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  8 Hard Truths for Seasons of Change 29.06.2025 36分

  So your life just changed. Maybe you moved, your relationship ended, or you quit a job. You've found yourself in new territory without your usual routines, roles, or scripts. You're Googling “who even am I?” every night.Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, I’m sharing 8 things I wish I knew during past seasons of change in my life. The in-between is uncomfortable, but it's also full of possibility. If you’re in a messy middle right now, this one’s for you. EPISODE OUTLINE 03:35 How to follow your intuition 06:38 How to know the right choice10:50 The effect of your ego14:10 The impact of who you keep close 19:27 The importance of confrontation23:21 The impact of tiny choices 26:40 How to shift into the next chapter 28:59 Hard versus wrong SOURCESSmoke filled room study Balloon study bell hooks, all about love Audre Lorde essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and ActionChurning of the ocean story from the Mahabharata 
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  How to Plan Your Week to Change Your Life 22.06.2025 51分

  How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life. EPISODE OUTLINE04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority”25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 31:59 Dharma37:22 My weekly routineMY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  How to Care Less What People Think 25.05.2025 44分

  The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is  it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 16:07 3. You should care what some people think 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually26:21 6. You don’t know what people think30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good39:27 Lightning round recap42:29 ChallengeEPISODE LINKS• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir• The Art of Living by Epictetus • Spotlight Effect Study • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
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  How to Find Your True Self According to Philosophy 18.05.2025 49分

  Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro05:49 Sigmund Freud09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE) 14:38 The masks vs. the Self15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man17:15 Using logic to hide from passion 17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions 21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith 24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class 26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial 31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection 34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self 37:17 Does everyone have a calling?38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions  41:50 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS• Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  
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  A 3-Step Roadmap Out of Your Rut 11.05.2025 44分

  In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:00 My “what now?” rut06:46 Roadmap out of your rut 08:06 1. Get your story straight08:29 You haven’t ruined your life 09:48 My bar exam story15:48 You are not alone16:26 Lifequakes17:55 You are not lazy 18:54 Are you burnt out?20:44 The classic existential crash out 22:14 Are you in functional freeze?23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle26:31 2. Make a plan 26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)30:01 Smallest possible actions 32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it33:43 The photography class experiment 38:13 3. Have grace for yourself 38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?39:20 What you have to give right now is enough39:53 Lightning round recap  MY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  
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  The Psychological Formula for Attraction ft. Jemma Sbeg 04.05.2025 48分

  What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you.A few things we dive into:A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)The role of the “spark” in attractionThe psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20sThe stigma of being singleThe commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship)Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro02:51 The formula for attraction04:21 1. Proximity07:10 2. Similarity11:43 3. Familiarity14:03 The 3 month rule16:55 The curse of comfort19:31 The sunk cost fallacy21:06 The fear of starting over22:37 4. Reciprocity23:13 The harm of playing games26:36 5. A spark27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls27:31 1. Repetition compulsion31:04 2. The stigma of being single36:45 3. Situationships38:23 The commitment-readiness scale40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <342:09 Lightning round recap43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESSIf you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGMY LINKS• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!