Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

Afleveringen

• NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM: KEEP IN MIND AFTER A TOXIC SITUATION 29.06.2026 27min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/YtpeBQxoROowhen you think you'll never be in a toxic relationship/friendship/job again and you walk away from one and into another ... lmao00:00 intro01:06 - empty space is unnatural and nature will find a way to fill it01:42 - acknowledging that you are weak in order to become strong03:09 - flop and slay coexist04:09 - its not just the goal its also the management of the consequences that come with achieving it04:41 - how assumptions create blind spots05:42 - psychological audit06:29 - anxiety vs self-trust07:10 - notice when you are filing in gaps for space that only time & experience can fill08:12 - empower yourself in your decision making08:26 - seeking win-win relationships08:53 - learning to sit with disappointment and move on instead of ruminating10:58 - getting out of toxic dynamics11:55 - non-negotiable hobbies & trying new things13:10 - confronting & integrating pain vs running or avoiding it13:51 - circumstantial change vs spiritual transformation14:21 - you need a different approach if you want a different outcome14:58 - actions speak louder than words!!!15:15 - e.g. when an ex reaches out16:44 - act according to the outcome that you want16:57 - not responding is a response17:04 - the person who cares the least, wins18:16 - it doesn’t always feel toxic at first18:53 - learning to self-regulate and pace connection19:09 - being open to being proven wrong and trusting yourself to make difficult decisions19:23 - always have something that you care about protecting that is your responsibility to maintain19:41 - optimize to enjoy your life to the fullest20:03 - learn to enjoy the challenge of protecting what you care about20:21 - when you try and evade responsibility, you open yourself up to chaos21:07 - learning to notice guilt & shame and observing rather than repressing or avoiding23:00 - being honest with yourself when you cbf something and moving on23:42 - when are you pursuing something from a place of ego vs real compatibility 24:28 - everyone’s needs are different25:54 - the WILL to extend yourself
• how to turn a flop into a flopportunity 16.06.2026 30min

  youtube video: https://youtu.be/Y9iQ_MYCIGUnever let a flop go to waste!!!!!Hegel said that negativity is precisely what keeps existence alive. Not negativity in a psychological sense, but in a philosophical sense. You don't know what positivity is without negativity. If you only had the power to do things, you would lose the ability to not do things and rest. If you only think, then your thoughts continuously scatter and you lose the ability to reflect and contemplate. If you only slay then you are at risk of burnout and it would eventually become meaningless without the contrast of flop to anchor your slay. Friction, resistance and pain are necessary to indicate the possibilities of growth. Overly focusing on them can create the risk of unnecessary suffering. Practicing bringing awareness and intention to sovereign decision making is how we start to navigate the inevitable oscillation between flop and slay in a way that facilitates Being Hot & Having Fun!!! yayayayaa(ref: The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han)The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Hanhttps://amzn.to/4xxaHy3 (affiliate link)00:00 - 00:54 - intro00:54 - 01:34 - in flop there is slay, in slay there is flop01:34 - 02:21 - what have you been conditioned to optimize your life for02:21 - 03:27 - the hidden cost of maximizing efficiency 03:27 - 04:49 - be selective & specific about the types of challenges you are open to04:49 - 07:01 - flopping is a training opportunity07:01 - 08:25 - life happens in cycles08:25 - 09:51 - maybe you haven’t flopped enough yet09:51 - 12:26 - welcoming challenges as growth opportunities12:26 - flop and slay is a spectrum not a binary12:57 - social media - monitoring spirit behaviour & cancel culture purity tests13:38 - entertainment & education14:39 - hate can’t land if you’re a moving target15:11 - which flop is your responsibility16:54 - increase your surface area for slay18:47 - lean into minor inconveniences23:18 - using conflict as a training opportunity24:25 - adjust your approach according to what’s at stake26:12 - controlled and intentional crash outs27:29 - knowing what you don’t like is just as important29:03 - once you’ve been through the flop you don’t even want to think about it29:24 - have a sense of humour follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
• how to minimize overthinking so you can focus on being hot 10.06.2026 19min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/0ShM2LgCVREsome thoughts on over-thinking and rumination and how i turned my depression around!!! something that i didn't mention was to challenge myself to become more solution driven in my thinking - which was kind of the catalyst for my podcast and content! i thought, if i'm going to overthink about things then i may as well try to be coherent and in a way that could help other people. in the process i have been able to develop and evolve my thinking and my life in a way that wouldn't have been possible had i just stayed stagnant and in a mental spiral. rather than becoming over-identified with my diagnosis, i thought about it as a problem to solve/a lifestyle approach that needed adjusting in order to minimize symptoms and notice when i might be more vulnerable to unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours. break the loop!!! stop it from getting ahead of you!!! there are lots of other thoughts i can probably share in future but here is a start ~ feel free to share your own experience and tips in the comments!!!
• it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain 12.05.2026 29min

  i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot & have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!00:00 - intro03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing04:18 - being hot & having fun04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you06:27 - adjust and redefine06:51 - your identity is dynamic07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits08:01 - performative slay08:25 - radical acceptance09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS09:24 - doing a mental audit09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps10:09 - redefining your relationship to money11:56 - redefining your relationship to love12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive15:18 - redefining your relationship to power15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty22:39 diversify your sources of validation22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder28:05 - people will love & hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it28:43 - redefining your relationship to restreferences:patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviourPsychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership pathswhat underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis books (affiliate links)The Tao of Physics by Fritijof CapraThe Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peckall about love by bell hooksThe Beauty Myth by Naomi WolfWays of Seeing by John Berger
• decentering your hometown: hard to love yourself when you hate where you're from 29.04.2026 22min

  some thoughts on how my relationship with my hometown and childhood trauma has changed over time for anyone that might be or has struggled with something similar. its not where you're from, but your relationship to the place, the memory and the role it plays in your life that matters. let me know your thoughts too! ♡follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/i’m on substack!!!https://substack.com/@amberakillasubscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakillaslay habit trackers ☆ free downloadhttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundleThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionsiren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2autumn in my arms playlist !!!https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://substack.com/@amberakilla/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
• navigating the creative industry - visibility, creative freedom & status 15.04.2026 27min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/Jer_eAG1q1severyone is creating, everyone is creative!!! your desire to create is valid whether you pursue it as a hobby, side-quest, side-hustle or a career! one creative skill might take many forms in different stages of your life. sharing my thoughts and observations based on my own personal experience on how you can explore, refine and navigate your creativity, your career and the creative industry. i think even if you don't work in the creative industry this same model can apply to different disciplines too.00:0000:58 - being creative is inherent to the human experience03:50 - intro to quadrant diagram04:47 - high visibility x creative freedom05:19 - industry x high visibility05:32 - industry x low visibility 06:20 - creative freedom x low visibility 06:46 - pedestaling of high visibility x industry careers07:48 - get to know yourself before assuming there is only one version of success09:25 - mapping the terrain and navigating accordingly09:59 - pros & cons to every quadrants10:05 - high visibility x industry11:05 - industry x low visibility 12:13 - creative freedom x low visibility 13:09 - high visibility x creative freedom14:28 - advice for young/aspiring creatives15:36 - now is the best time to flop16:49 - the challenge and the process has to become as rewarding as the outcome17:46 - taste makers vs trend followers19:00 - try different approaches, embrace different opportunities21:38 - focus on doing before refining strategy 22:24 - you should be creating more than you are complaining22:55 - being hot & having fun creative philosophy24:04 - proof of concept, get experience25:29 - learn how to communicate and present your work
• the first pillar of self-esteem: the practice of living consciously 01.04.2026 47min

  this week’s video is a deeper dive into the first pillar of self-esteem - the practice of living consciously!The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandenhttps://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) affiliate linkBaddie Book Club detailspatreon.com/amberakilla00:0001:44 - the first pillar of self-esteem04:42 - bringing awareness to our internal world07:32 - the practice of living consciously08:55 - radical self-acceptance for the human condition09:13 - you are the creator09:38 - being responsible towards reality10:23 - self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves10:40 - your opinion of yourself is more important than other people’s opinion of you11:45 - living consciously to overcome cringe12:25 - dealing with shame around envy and judgement12:43 - acting on what one sees and knows13:14 - creating mental space for your own unhingedness14:11 - being in the state appropriate to what you are doing14:57 - your purposes and values dictate the standard of selection16:00 - living responsibly towards reality16:10 - wishes, fears and denials do not alter facts17:57 - using your feelings to point to important facts rather than confusing feelings with facts18:19 - changing your relationship with your emotions19:04 - jealousy in friendships case study20:47 - alchemising jealousy into inspiration21:32 - what you perceive, what you interpret it to mean, how you feel about it23:41 - fear and pain being treated as signals23:51 - the earnest intention to be conscious23:54 - adjusting your actions to your goals24:18 - my first loyalty is to truth, not to making myself right24:24 - a lifelong commitment to learning24:38 - the willingness to create win-win relationships25:37 - a desire to understand our full context26:58 - internal and external awareness are two different skill sets28:34 - when you reach an impasse and need a guide30:12 - who is defining “being hot & having fun” in your life?30:48 - do i know what i’m doing when i like myself vs when i don’t?31:06 - give yourself the opportunity to notice32:33 - i have to think that the practice is worthwhile34:59 - which actions are producing desired results and which aren’t?35:32 - notice what’s exciting vs what’s draining36:23 - accept that other people’s interpretation of reality could be different to yours37:22 - your values come from your experience, you can mistakenly draw irrational conclusions from your experience38:54 - sidenote on addictions40:48 - consciousness and the body41:42 - train yourself to notice your thoughts41:12 - freeing the body contributes to freeing the mind44:22 - an orientation towards life that exists on a continuum45:24 - looking to where pain and frustrations are46:13 - garden analogy
• baddie book club: being your own bestie, living consciously, journalling 26.03.2026 54min

  very delayed upload of the last baddie book club discussion session!!!i needed to optimise the audio - apologies for some of the echo but i still felt like it was important to share because so many insights were shared!! thank you to the baddies that attended and bravely shared their thoughts.based on this section of the book:Readings 2: Living Consciously and Self-AcceptanceReading: Part II Internal Sources of Self-EsteemThe Focus On ActionThe Practice of Living ConsciouslyThe Practice of Self-Acceptancepages 56 - 104there’s a few scheduled sessions left over april - details are on the patreon!00:0002:36 - the virtue of realism - respect of reality03:26 - shadow work04:00 - dealing with uncomfortable feelings04:48 - your reputation with yourself05:52 - substance abuse07:13 - everywhere you go, there you are07:40 - emphasis on action08:16 - breaking the ruminating cycle08:57 - friend breakups, jealousy between girls11:12 - realising your growth12:19 - what i perceive, what i interpret it to mean, how i feel about it13:14 - fear of pain13:30 - just do it !14:16 - avoiding discomfort is a betrayal of the mind14:32 - life is just a series of problems18:03 - treating life like a mirror19:26 - the world belongs to those who persevere 20:46 - how time changes your relationship to events21:45 - journalling23:10 - being there for yourself24:20 - relationships as a mirror24:54 - life as an experiment - journal as field notes25:57 - you don’t need to spend money to develop your relationship with yourself29:28 - journalling allowing you to take things less personally32:41 - giving other people the grace you would like from others34:48 - confidence as a practice36:17 - you can’t help other people until you help yourself36:50 - the importance of self-work for community and social justice42:10 - maintaining openness, value in the attempt44:50 - self-trust, making promises to yourself and keeping them48:34 - taking feedback and reviewing50:10 - basic things can be hard but important for your well-being!!!51:30 - being your own bestie - what you can keep to yourself, re-parenting yourself
• consumption is not a hobby 19.03.2026 20min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/ndawrsGy3F4please share how your journey with creating/consuming/compensated and participating has or is evolving!!!0:0001:27 - define the terms/auditing your consumption habits - consumer, creator, compensated, participant03:13 - define being hot & having fun according to your core values04:04 - check for energy leaks04:25 - doing things with budget restrictions to build discipline06:57 - becoming aware of consumerism conditioning07:11 - where can you be more creative or be open to learning07:32 - bringing intention to the way you consume09:07- get in tune with how you feel and your level of contentment09:47 - not all hobbies need to be monetised10:14 - how do you spend your time, energy & money10:30 - no one is safe from the attention economy10:59 - staying informed without getting overwhelmed11:37 - flexible framework vs strict rules11:47 - diversifying dopamine triggers12:27 - finding a balance between online & offline life12:45 - purchasing for utility vs branding17:00 - when flopping in creating is better than slaying in consuming18:38 - the oveconsumption to hater pipeline18:56 - the motivations & intentions behind your relationshipsfollow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/i’m on substack!!!https://substack.com/@amberakillasubscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakillaslay habit trackers ☆ free downloadhttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundleThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionhttps://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://substack.com/@amberakilla/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
• flop eras, shrek-gate, ego death, supporting women's rights & wrongs 06.03.2026 1u 51min

  recording of a tiktok/youtube live on 24.02.2026 !video version: https://youtu.be/xIduRHUSvUM00:00 - recent obsessions02:00 - being a woman in corporate07:15 - dealing with insecure/intimidated women08:03 - navigating a flop era10:22 - current fave beauty products11:56 - not taking things personally/detachment 14:56 - talking stages15:45 - freelancing17:26 - somatic exercises17:51 - comparing yourself on social media18:53 - draining family members19:51 - guy not following up on dates20:06 - being consistent with hobbies21:35 - financial flop era22:31 - getting new hobbies23:01 - putting pressure on yourself24:06 - pivoting from corporate25:20 - visiting perth27:50 - making friends31:24 - asmr & vlogging36:00 - shrek gate46:25 - the emotional spiral, win-win relationships, navigating spaces as a minority 48:13 - women being held to higher moral standards than men48:40 - identifying problems vs creating solutions50:30 - misidentifying issues52:55 - dating when you’re young54:00 - ramadan in shanghai56:26 - when to start dating again57:27 - gender imbalance in china58:30 - ego death??? re-constructing your identity1:00:00 - gender binary and performance of gender in china1:02:00 - reading1:03:00 - pole schedule1:04:00 - post-shrek gate1:09:00 - provider men, going 50/501:13:00 - women benefitting from patriarchy, being hot & having fun, living life to your full potential1:16:00 - analysis paralysis, learning from failure1:17:00 - men and red pill 1:17:20 - the tragedy of heterosexuality by jane ward1:19:58 - passive aggressive behaviour 1:20:16 - gay relationship dynamics1:22:20 - smear campaigns, sh*t talking1:24:20 - don’t confront passive agressive behaviour1:27:18 - i support women’s rights and wrongs1:29:00 - women defending shrek1:35:00 - marginisation in the dominant group1:37:15 - the illusion of binary options1:39:26 - loser mindset with winner entitlement1:41:45 - media literacy1:42:30 - de-centering men, pick-mes, male-centered men1:44:35 - beyond right and wrong1:45:00 - live by example1:47:07 - cognitive offloading1:47:27 - how to make the most authentic decision for you1:48:35 - men aren’t riding for female characters1:49:00 - boundaries around social media
• never argue with a man for free 26.02.2026 36min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/bJ1Ow4RFuW4the irony of me filming this a week before that sh*k video oop at least you know i practice what i preach heheyou life and your journey is for you to own. other people can disagree and say you're problematic but even then, no one is going to be strong-armed into a better version of themselves. even the most problematic people from your point of view need space to evolve and work through being a product of their environment and conditioning so they can take accountability and choose to change. doesn't mean its my or your responsibility to hold their hand through it, its just that arguing usually exacerbates a problem more than it provides a resolve. do you want to be right or happy???00:0001:37 - define the terms01:43 - never argue with a MAN for free03:00 - what is love04:23 - love exists as an action - separate to the culture of romance05:10 - ‘never’05:38 - ‘free’06:31 - ‘argue’ - argument vs conversation07:58 - types of communicationdiscourse, dialogue, debate, diatribe09:14 - engaging in bad faith10:41 - value12:41 - walking away or changing the dynamic13:25 - argument loop13:56 - let them yap14:10 - how to get out of an argument with your dignity in tact15:03 - break the pattern today or the loop will continue tomorrow15:42 - habit stacking16:03 - changing response to triggers16:43 - don't underestimate how important your validation is to other people15:57 - people treat you with the grace they treat themselves19:06 - fight or flight activation19:46 - witholding your response20:25 - being demure and mindful but not defensive21:38 - hypocognition23:06 - bracketing23:53 - accept that some relationships are just limited25:29 - you are not responsible for changing other people’s perception of reality if they aren’t ready26:39 - reclaim and redirect your energy27:57 - represent yourself rather than waiting for permission28:35 - presenting something vs arguing about it29:02 - trying to present new ideas/perspectives30:43 - when they start a fight with you because they can’t handle their reaction to what you said30:57 - when arguing might be beneficial32:00 - when i might care what people think33:47 - daily affirmations34:17 - make sure you have a life34:25 - pre-training so when you are triggered you are less likley to take the bait
• decentering men while dating, first loves, envy, work crushes, casual hook ups 19.02.2026 25min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/0doV1ZWLOKMpart two of the 2020 Love, Lust & Loathing Q&A!! thank you for your patience ~ make sure to watch the first video on limerence too!00:0000:10 - navigating female friendships when decentering romance03:23 - maintaining sovereignty while dating06:54 - my perspective on romantic love and pressures to settle down or be in a relationship11:30 - how to stop being envious of other people in relationships12:12 - age gap relationships13:01 - work crushes and asking men out14:32 - seeing potential in men16:15 - detaching from nostalgia for a first love17:43 - decentering men while being in a relationship19:06 - men that are financially dependent on women23:03 - casual hookupsrelated videos:how to lock-in so hard your crush dies (metaphorically)https://youtu.be/rOtI0i13dIApick me seed: internalised misogyny, patriarchy, decentering menhttps://youtu.be/gGVt7vpxX28hot girl habitshttps://youtu.be/DszRCbx0_AEwhat is lovehttps://youtu.be/mqu4RRzr2ooincreasing your baselinehttps://youtu.be/iwT59y8LWfErelationships are transactionalhttps://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8hot girl habitshttps://youtu.be/DszRCbx0_AEnon negotiable hobbyhttps://youtu.be/XlStSk0b4KIhttps://youtu.be/jKVo3bGoyxgpeople pleasinghttps://youtu.be/0a0SFegK0QUhttps://youtu.be/tuCg_2muajYhook up culturehttps://youtu.be/ZlWzGbWpeJIboundaries, friends with benefitshttps://youtu.be/cU7Fr7DNEz4flirting & crusheshttps://youtu.be/i-Mx2bPt1-obooks (affiliate links):The Road Less Travelledhttps://amzn.to/496J0SDThe Tragedy of Heterosexualityhttps://amzn.to/4jvfFozfollow me on IG ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakilla
• how to lock-in so hard your crush dies (metaphorically): limerence, yearning & being delusional 15.02.2026 24min

  ok so i originally said this was going to be one long video with an accompanying substack article - now it will be a few videos with one or more substack articles… stay tuned! i hope you enjoy the first instalment of the 2026 love, lust & loathing valentine’s day series! this started as a mix series on soundcloud (you can still listen to the previous mixes) but in 2024 i added a lil Q&A which i thought to bring back this year! this first video focuses on differentiating between crushes and limerence - i fear many people might be mis-identifying a crush as limerence or being overly hard on themselves with the over-pathologisation of therapy speak etc… don’t let the desire to grow and evolve kill the whimsy in you!!! cute, CHAOTIC and critical thinking can co-exist, just make sure that its a balance that works in your favour!!! love u xxyoutube video: https://youtu.be/rOtI0i13dIA00:00 intro02:15 1. defining love03:51 - question 105:05 - 2. defining limerence05:39 - 3. the stages of limerence06:33 - 4. limerence vs a crush07:50 - 5. a crush is a lack of information08:19 - 6. sexual energy is a form of creative energylimerence is becoming overly attached to the fantasy you create08:51 - 7. weigh the attention you receive accordingly09:12 - 8. get a creative hobby or 5 if you need10:04 - 9. it takes longer to know someone than you think10:51 - 10. they represent something that you need to nurture or work towards for yourself/maybe you just wanna be him10:59 - 11. career woman blindspot11:30 - 12. avoid working with your romantic interests12:04 - 13. storytime :P12:39 - 14. the disrespect is the closure12:48 - 15. you don’t need other people’s approval to validate what you want to do14:09 - 16. never assume that a man is more capable than you14:25 - 17. the dangers of prioritising male attention14:49 - 18. what do i get out of being delusional over this person14:51 - 19. men rarely go out of their way unless they perceive a benefit to themselves14:59 - 20. actions speak louder than words15:45 - 21. the road to recovery for pickmeshas16:05 - 22. men need to learn to love others, women need to learn to love themselves16:08 - question 218:02 - 23. awareness is a privilege 18:39 - 24. you can’t consume your way into a new pattern18:57 - 25. if you have complex trauma, seek the guidance of a mental health professional19:12 - 26. eliminating triggers and isolation is not enough19:19 - 27. you need to add activities that bring you joy and activate your creativity and self-expression19:45 - 28. the “flow state”19:56 - 29. the illusion of a flow state from external sources20:25 - 30. journalling21:01 - 31. keep an ick listspeak to professionals21:21 - 32. set a good example for yourself22:18 - 33. lock in22:52 - 34. believe in your future self23:39 - 35. speak to professionals!
• baddie book club vol. 1 week 1: discussion session ☆ the six pillars of self-esteem 07.02.2026 55min

  audio recording of our first baddie book club discussion session!! thank you to the baddies who attended and shared their questions, thoughts and feelings! if you would like to join the baddie book club, please join us on patreon! i am re-working the reading schedule and am open to hosting additional discussion sessions to accommodate different timezones. let me know!!! ♡ please share your own insights in the comment section too so we can continue the conversation!!Session notes:00:00 - introdution/first impressions05:14 - self-esteem is essential for survival, self-esteem and work10:39 - continuing to learn outside of formal academic environments14:08 - self-esteem and how to think vs what to think 16:00 - self-esteem and relationships, social circle19:21 - the road less travelled - ‘bracketing’ the ego30:26 - happiness without self-sabotage32:40 - fear of success32:26 - being comfortable in familiarity 32:35 - letting go of pain34:36 - changing how to relate to pain, trauma, events, relationships34:52 - healing vs growth, inegration, authenticity, self-actualization - self-help industry38:36 - the difference between pursuing growth vs perfectionism 41:41 - the pillars of health vs the health industry43:40 - mind & body44:31 - being too in your head - you can’t think your way into perfection or growth46:33 - give yourself space to process, observe and respond47:26 - on the other side of anxiety48:07 - hot girl habits - prioritizing yourself so that you can show up for your responsibilties50:37 - the importance of self-esteem in turbulent times52:10 - identity and purpose through stress/anxiety52:42 - how can i be content, do you don’t need to be in a constant state of ecstasy 53:17 - noticing when you are treating it like a destination and not a journey54:25 - question everything54:55 - its ok to make mistakes
• when your bestie becomes a stranger - social circles & types of friendship 29.01.2026 17min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/DhFmgfKp73Q?si=D7aWmgHwrbQueGq3outlining some ideas around different types of connection and social circles - this is just a starting point and i actually found out about aristotle's 'types of friendship' (pleasure, utility, virtue) after filming this video and there's a lot of parallels between what is discussed in the video, so i would say its kind of like an expansion pack to his original idea. i think even though being social is inherent to human nature, there are so many factors that can complicate how we relate to ourselves and others, it doesn't hurt to take the time to reflect on our friendships and relationships generally so that we can ensure we are showing up with intention and authenticity! please share your thoughts and experiences too so we can continue the conversation!!03:08 - being hot & having fun revision04:47 - give yourself time to grow and evolve05:50 - categories of friendship/connection08:18 - social circles09:17 - your relationship with yourself10:37 - social circles11:14 - inner circle11:43 - acquaintance circle11:56 - balancing online and offline relationships13:27 - beware of performative values14:29 - realistic pacing14:46 - adjusting focus15:45 - moving between circles16:38 - don’t take change personallyfollow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakillaslay habit trackers ☆ free downloadhttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundleThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionsiren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2autumn in my arms playlist !!!https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270
• people pleasing dynamics (GRWM) 21.01.2026 19min

  my thoughts on the people pleasing dynamic. i think healthy, balanced relationships take more work that we are willing to admit and it starts with your relationship with yourself first :') more thoughts to come!!!! let me know yours too!!!01:10 1. people pleasing dynamic02:29 2. connotations of people pleasing03:46 3. re-defining love04:07 4. underlying mindset04:42 5. being questioned/dismissed05:10 6. the habit of people pleasing05:39 7. non-negotiable hobbies to create boundaries06:59 8. consistency is key07:17 9. living to your full potential is the priority08:28 10. resentment and self-abandonment/disappointment08:51 11. other people’s problems actually aren’t your problem09:16 12. redirect the energy into something constructive/creative/for yourself10:04 13. accept that you’ve underestimated your ability/capacity/potential10:21 14. people pleasing creates an inauthentic dynamic10:41 15. make a note of incompatibilities as they arise11:10 16. notice the reflex of taking it personally11:31 17. you feel like a bitch compared to the people-pleasing version of you12:31 18. who cares12:51 19. the price of being hot and having fun13:18 20. learn to discern13:38 21. don’t let people guilt you into a lose-win situation14:00 22. pay me to care14:58 23. boundaries are self-responsibility for your energy and attention15:42 24. allow space to process your own emotions and triggers too17:06 25. people pleasing in group dynamics18:03 26. write down your priorities18:58 27. accept the consequences & take responsibility, are you willing to pay the price19:15 29. your integrity is compromised if you are always looking to assign blame to othersfollow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakillaslay habit trackers ☆ free downloadhttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundleThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionhttps://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
• are all relationships transactional? what vibe do you bring to the function? 14.01.2026 24min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8using an analogy about food to talk about transactional relationships and energy exchange. often times we are too externally focused on how other people behave and guessing their intentions. in reality, i feel like when you are locked in on what YOUR intentions are and contributing/giving/showing up from an authentic place, you take everything less personally and which relationships are mutually beneficial and reciprocal will naturally present themselves. your ability to discern who you do and don't want to be around will improve over time as well! let me know your thoughts and any other analogy ideas you have!follow me on IG ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡patreon.com/amberakillasiren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2autumn in my arms playlist !!!https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270slay habit trackers ☆ free downloadhttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundleThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionhttps://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
• the book that changed my brain chemistry: the six pillars of self-esteem 09.01.2026 24min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/boT5swEW5vsif you've been following me for a while, you'll probably have heard me reference and recommend this book over and over. the six pillars of self-esteem by nathaniel branden literally changed my life, it put so much of what i was struggling to put into practice, into words and actionable steps. i can't recommend this book enough!!! rather than just repeating what is already in the book - because i recommend you read it for yourself - this video approaches the pillars of self-esteem through the lens of being hot & having fun. let me know if you've read the book and please keep me posted if you do!i've made a summary and sentence completion worksheet that is available for purchase and download. you can use it as additional journal prompts in your journalling or thought-dumping practice!The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exerciseshttps://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completionThe Six Pillars of Self-Esteemhttps://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) affiliate linkthis is the first video in the 'hot girl book club' series where i discuss books that have been directly or indirectly influential on me and the philosophy of being hot & having fun.05:06 - being hot & having fun revision05:54 - pillar i: the practice of living consciously07:00 - pillar ii: the practice of self-acceptance09:06 - pillar iii: the practice of self-responsibility 10:55 - pillar iv: the practice of self-assertiveness12:57 - pillar v: the practice of living purposefully14:38 - pillar vi: the practice of personal integrity 21:57 - the principle of reciprocal causation
• non-negotiable hobbies for confidence: my pole dance journey 06.01.2026 19min

  i’ve been going on about the importance of a non-negotiable hobby for ages and i’ve also had a lot of questions about pole dance so this is a video that covers both!! 01:05 - non-negotiable hobby: defined 05:40 - my journey with pole dance 08:39 - dance & sexuality/sexuality 10:36 - the power of consistency & practice 11:06 - static vs spin pole 11:39 - tricks vs choreo 13:16 - buying heels 14:39 - body types 15:20 - pain tolerance 15:49 - types of grip 16:37 - knee pads & clothing 17:20 - prepping for class 17:27 - embrace the learning curve follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
• parents: avoid over-communicating and become living proof 06.01.2026 18min

  youtube episode: https://youtu.be/fCgEU8hkT2Ai get a lot of questions about how to handle conflict with parents. while i can't speak to the nuances of every relationship, here are some thoughts and feelings that i hope might be applicable or helpful. i know the holiday season can be really overwhelming for some people and i think there are ways we can prepare so that we aren't wasting too much energy on being ugly & having a bad time so we can focus on being hot & having fun, duh!!! 02:19 - 1. your parents want what’s best for you 03:50 - 2. your parents are random people 06:17 - 3. practice gratitude 09:46 - 4. avoid overcommunicating 12:53 - 5. embrace the way your relationship changes over time 14:27 - 6. come up with a game plan 15:23 - 7. cultivate the habit of creating your own safe space 17:07 - 8. financial independence follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla