Free Legal Advice

Episoder

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  Episode 440 - Your Lifestyle Will Consist of Buying Our Things 20.07.2026 33min

  Your lifestyle, nay, your entire personality, will consist of nothing but purchasing items with our logo on them. That will be the sum total of who you are as a human being. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on us. That is, if we did this thing right. Otherwise, it'll be business as usual. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on something else.
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  Episode 439 - The Holy Brotherhood of the Cold Open 13.07.2026 35min

  Matt's got another cold-open-em-up for all you Hoggies out there in Listenerland. And for you non-Hoggies, we've got a special treat this week: The same episode the Hoggies get! That's right, instead of your usual 35-minute-long backwards recording of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass played over the sounds of old men weeping, this week you're actually getting the real episode! It's for one week only, though, so don't get used to it (unless you send us four burritos and become a Hoggie).
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  Episode 438 - Auditory Array 06.07.2026 43min

  This had better be the last time Ben does an entire episode of cold opens. Not because these are bad, or anything like that. It's just that I'm running out of alliterative titles for them. I've already used "Podcast Potpourri" and "Audio Assortment." I'm running on fumes, here.
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  Episode 437 - Developing New Ways to Be Rude in Movie Theaters 29.06.2026 37min

  This week, we're presented with a problem, and, just like all other weeks, that problem is easily solved by applying a solution from the world of professional wrestling. WAIT, DON'T GO YET! This episode is NOT about pro wrestling, seriously. It's about movies, more than anything. Everyone likes movies, right? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GO! Crap, I shouldn't have even mentioned the wrestling part...
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  Episode 436 - Hands Off Our Swans 22.06.2026 38min

  Traditions in America only go back a couple of centuries, and they're weird enough as it is. In Britain, the traditions go back a thousand years, and boy, do they get weird. Weird enough that they involve royalty calling dibs on particular swans.
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  Episode 435 - This Guy Got the Fission AND Fusion Merit Badges 15.06.2026 31min

  Look for these warning signs in your children: Do they know way too much about nuclear stuff? Do they care way too much about nuclear stuff? Is their room full of way too much nuclear stuff? Do they have a colorful glow around them? It can be any color, they're all equally bad. If you answered yes to any of these questions, your child may be nearing the completion of a dangerous and deadly homemade nuclear device. If you answered yes to all of these questions, your child has just detonated their dangerous and deadly homemade nuclear device.
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  Episode 434 - Infiltrate This Podcast by Listening to It 08.06.2026 52min

  You can be the person on the inside if you just listen to the podcast. We'll never know that you did it! It'll be your little secret. You'll know all of our private thoughts and feelings. This is infiltration! You're already doing it! Officers, arrest them.
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  Episode 433 - Era-Defining Hypotheticals 01.06.2026 39min

  These hypotheticals, well, they... they define an era, like the title said. What more do you need? They're already offering era definition! That should be enough. Anyway, this week we discover who would win between various factions, and it's fun.
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  Episode 432 - Pay Me for the Door Repair Charge 24.05.2026 57min

  People who fix things for a living are just like you and me: They're bad at their jobs, but get paid anyway. When you think about it like that, it makes perfect sense that we have so many stories of them screwing up our houses.
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  Episode 431 - Dulce et Decorum Emu 18.05.2026 27min

  It's war. The oldest conflict that earth has seen: Man vs. bird. And this time, like every time, the same side wins. But maybe we'll get those bastards next time...
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  Episode 430 - Why Does Every Movie Ending Suck? 11.05.2026 40min

  It's true, though: The ending of every movie sucks. Go ahead, name a movie. Seriously, name any movie. Think of any movie at all. Its ending sucks. Try thinking of another movie. That ending sucks, too. See? They all suck! Luckily, we're here to fix that.
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  Episode 429 - "All You Can Eat" Is Legally Binding 04.05.2026 52min

  Here's a little legal tip for you: Buffets are legally obligated to serve you until the heat death of the universe. Remember that one. It comes in handy every once in a while.
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  Episode 428 - Tricking Teenagers into Buying Movie Tickets Since 1958 27.04.2026 40min

  How do you get people into the theaters? It's the age-old question that has plagued mankind for millennia. Is the answer to make a good movie? No way, that can't be it; that's way too hard! Maybe if you just do a bunch of stupid crap, you can trick people into going? I mean, people are basically cattle, right? This sounds foolproof to me.
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  Episode 427 - A Quick Dive Through History 20.04.2026 44min

  Matt's got a few historical nuggets for us to dip into our history sauce packets, chew on with our history teeth, digest with our history bowels, develop heart disease with our history arteries, and die an early death and be buried in our history graves. Come to think of it, it doesn't actually sound like a good idea at all.
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  Episode 426 - In Which the Shape of Planets Is Debated 13.04.2026 40min

  Who's to say what shape the earth is, anyway? I say it's the shape of Lincoln's head, but WITHOUT the stovepipe hat. That's what the science supports, and I'm brave enough to believe in science. And don't worry: Now that we've exposed the myths of the flat earth, no one believes in it anymore.
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  Episode 425 - No Stupid Questions, but There Sure Are Dumb Ones 06.04.2026 35min

  These questions were asked under the caveat that there are no stupid questions, which makes it impossible to make fun of them for being stupid. Damn 8th amendment. But, thanks to a legal loophole, we ARE able to make fun of them for being dumb. Thank you, 23rd amendment.
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  Episode 424 - All Boats Should Be Speedboats 30.03.2026 49min

  Who can say that they don't want to drive a speedboat? Not one single living human being, including members of uncontacted tribes in New Guinea. Though they know nothing of the outside world, each and every single one of them dreams of piloting a 1000 horsepower fiberglass beauty across the waves.
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  Episode 423 - FLAPzilla - Some Titles Write Themselves 23.03.2026 43min

  I mean, seriously, what else was this episode ever going to be called? It's about Godzilla, so it should be called FLAPzilla. Duh. I'm sure one of my brothers would suggest that I'd call it something like "Don't Go Fishing in the Rain" or "The Price of Unrelenting Hubris is about $4.99", but I only considered those titles for a couple minutes, SO THERE.
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  Episode 422 - Free Legal Advice Podcast: 1/5 stars 16.03.2026 42min

  I listen to this podcast every week, and every week it's great. But this week, the episode wasn't even about the French Revolution. The proprietors of this establishment assured me, as their patron, that this wouldn't happen again, and that all future episodes would be about the French Revolution, purely to please me. They made an excuse, saying that the unexpected explosion of two of the four brothers this morning made it difficult to meet my unpredictable and unstated needs, but that's bush league. It was my birthday! I was listening to this as part of my birthday party, and as a result, my birthday party was ruined! Someone explodes, and suddenly you can't meet my unpredictable and unstated needs? Service 1/5 stars, atmosphere 1/5 stars, sound quality 1/5 stars, overall 3/5 stars, big fan.
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  Episode 421 - Hold Me Closer, Mountain Dancer 09.03.2026 38min

  You know how when you lift up a big rock or a log, sometimes you find some kind of bizarre, hideous bug underneath that you've never seen before. Well, today we found the human equivalent of that, and it's both funny and sad.