Disney Dunces

Cadet Kelly 01.04.2024 55min

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Under Wraps (2021) 21.10.2023 52min

Later idiots!

Under Wraps (1997) 07.10.2023 50min

Ладно, да, наверное, это обман, когда я просто перевожу это описание на другой язык, когда серия слишком непонятна. А если серьезно, они только что сделали E.T. Инопланетянин, но поменял местами монстров и добавил сюжет о том, как Патрик Стар трахает мать ребенка. Это менее увлекательно, чем российская заправка Disney’s Under Wraps!

Elemental 23.09.2023 56min

You think Pixar made a world of justified racism just to appease the “Don’t Say Gay” crowd? Naaaaah. Well, maybe. It’s someone's wet dream that’s for sure. Disney’s Pixar’s Elemental.

The Greatest Showman 09.09.2023 1godz 14min

If you've ever thought to yourself, "Boy, I could sure use a Disney podcast with a splash of pirate anime and a whole mess of discussion that borders on homoeroticism," then son, do I have the episode for you. If you'd rather learn about the film in the title, I don't know, try googling it? It's one big lie, and you know it: Disney's 20th Century Fox's 'The Greatest Showman!'

The Lion King 1½ 26.08.2023 1godz 11min

Ruh roh, Raggy! Looks like this podcast has been shanghai’d by a group of salty sea dogs who want nothing to do with this week's movie! Which is to say, spoiler warning for the first 30 episodes of One Piece! Sure it’s less than 3% of the show so far and came out 15 years ago, but still, rules are rules. It’s not offensive to say shanghai’d is it? It's Disney’s Direct to DVD, The Lion King 1 ½!

The Hunchback of Notre Dame 12.08.2023 1godz 15min

So if I remember correctly this episode's talking points include the podcast's expiration date, the importance of resistance training, and Kashi has a cereal that makes you poop. Oh, and probably the dangers of being horny given the source material, but also probably not. It’s fun for the whole family, Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame!

Holes 29.07.2023 1godz 12min

You know it’s hard to discuss a film that's just packed with so much subtle symbolism. It’s just one of those things you should probably see for yourself as trying to describe the full experience is near impossible. So this week go watch the movie, and then come back and listen to people yell about Twitter and call it a day. It’s got a lynching scene some would argue, Holes!

The Fox and the Hound 15.07.2023 1godz 26min

가장 좋은 점은 내가 원하는 대로 입력할 수 있다는 것입니다. 모든 것을 한국어로 조금씩 번역할 것이기 때문입니다. Google 번역을 다시 시도하기 전까지는 조금 더 이해가 됩니다. 그 개자식은 정말 스탠리라고 했지? 털복숭이, 여우, 사냥개를 위한 우정의 색입니다!

Flamin’ Hot 01.07.2023 1godz 30min

¡Oigan primos! Join the Dunces as they take a deep dive into what might just be Latin America’s most inspirational story. To decide once and for all if lowly janitor Richard Montañez single handedly saved Frito-Lays from the brink of collapse by channeling his Mexican heritage and disrupting the food industry, or if he just sorta said he did and everyone kind of murmured about it for like 30 years until people looked into it and found out maybe he didn’t do any of it but it wasn’t really hurting anyone and could potentially do damage to call him out so it was decided it was for the best to let it go. It’s a real head scratcher for sure, Disney’s Searchlight Pictures’ Flamin’ Hot!

Brother Bear 17.06.2023 1godz 9min

Oh brother, this episode is unbearable. Actually, that's probably not true, but no one can seem to remember anything before Sean/Shawn/Shan. So yeah, maybe it is, I don’t know. It’s Phil Collins pride and joy, Brother Bear!

Enchanted 03.06.2023 1godz 27min

Have you ever sat there and wondered how a bill becomes a law, but for movies? Well, you’re in luck because this week the Dunces demonstrate the process of transforming artistic vision into huge profits beloved by the mass majority, live! It’s a textbook example of something I swear, Disney’s Enchanted!

Star Wars: Visions Volume 2 20.05.2023 1godz 23min

A long time ago in a galaxy... wait do we do that stupid intro for all of Star Wars or just the movies? I’m gonna go check real fast hold on. Uh, no, that's just the movies, I can type whatever I want here I guess.. well shoot. Um, "KIDNAPPING", alright perfect, print it. It’s another anthology series, Star Wars : Visions Volume 2!

Treasure Planet 06.05.2023 1godz 24min

If it helps, think of the first hour the entry fee to listen to the last 10 minutes. The last 10 minutes aren't good or anything, it's just more interesting as long as you're a fan of Grown Ups. It's the movie based on the book based on a different book, Disney's Treasure Planet!

The Muppets 22.04.2023 1godz 5min

Anyone happen to know the statute of limitations on child neglect? No reason, just curious. It's not like the Dunces cracked one of America’s most notorious cold cases that has been literally plaguing the world’s hearts and minds for well over a decade or anything. Just your normal average everyday episode here full of jokes and well-thought out and rehearsed movie summaries. It’s time to call CPS, The Muppets!

Strange World 08.04.2023 53min

On a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you? Sorry sorry, you probably need context for that question to make any sense. Well you see, this is a podcast where three fellas have a candid discussion about a Disney film they’ve recently seen. Now, this episode features a film all about a family of explorers who find themselves in a peculiar environment after they leave in search of answers to a problem threatening their way of life. So I ask again, on a scale of 1 to 10, how straight are you? It’s like health class all over again, Disney’s Strange World.

Cadet Kelly (April Fools’ 2023) 01.04.2023 1godz 15min

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Return to Halloweentown 29.10.2022 44min

With another holiday season down the drain, we learn once again that maybe, just maybe, beloved made for TV movies without any actual vision or story to tell that can’t bother to get the original actors should probably just stop at the second one instead of wasting everyone's time. Oh well, at least we all got to share a moment with Cher, and I think that's pretty cool. It’s certainly the fourth one of these, Return to Halloweentown!

The New Mutants 22.10.2022 48min

Look, it’s been four years of Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spooktaculars, so you know what happens during the grand finales at this point. The boys sit down, watch a movie that doesn’t thematically fit, talk a bunch about bears, and top it off with a quality of life check on Ben Stein. Same as the year before, same as the year before that, and so on and so forth. It’s scarier to think about watching it, Disney’s 20th Century Fox’s The New Mutants!

Werewolf by Night 15.10.2022 1godz 3min

In this very special episode of the Disney Dunces you, yes YOU, get to root for whichever Dunce you’d like! How is that different from any other piece of media out there? I don’t really know, but I’m told people really like that sort of thing, and at the end of the day, it’s all just a numbers game baby! It’s just the right amount of comic book nonsense, Disney’s Marvel’s Werewolf by Night!