The Gay Monogamy Coach.

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  Attachment styles in midlife: Unpacking avoidance and anxiety in gay dating. 16.09.2026 13min

  Send us Fan Mail Attachment styles in midlife: Unpacking avoidance and anxiety in gay dating. The Gay Monogamy Coach with Alan Cox You meet someone who feels like a genuine spark. Then either he pulls back and your chest floods with panic — or you suddenly feel suffocated and start finding reasons to leave. This episode unpacks the hidden engine behind those patterns: attachment styles in midlife for gay men. Host Alan Cox (CBT practitioner, life coach, and author) looks at how childhood co...
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  Have you been told that monogamy means you haven't done the work? 30.08.2026 12min

  Send us Fan Mail If you are a gay man who wants one committed relationship, you may have absorbed a quieter sentence: that want means you are unfinished. That non-monogamy is the healed position. That monogamy is something to grow out of. That is not a fact. It is a belief. This episode of The Gay Monogamy Coach is a cognitive audit of that belief — where it came from, what keeps it in place, and whether the evidence holds. Alan Cox works through the thought the way he would in a session: nam...
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  Burnout, not chemistry. The real cost of the apps. 27.08.2026 11min

  Send us Fan Mail Did you know that George Arison, CEO of Grindr, revealed that more than half of gay men under 35 now say they want a long-term relationship — according to his own company's research, shared in a June 2026 interview with Bloomberg (onlinepersonalswatch.com, June 8, 2026)? Even the man running the app built for hookups is watching the next generation turn toward commitment. So why are so many older gay men — established in their careers, with everything that should make this ea...
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  Title: When your career thrives but your personal life doesn't. 26.08.2026 10min

  Send us Fan Mail You close the deal. You lead the room. Your LinkedIn looks like a man who has his life in hand. Then it is eleven at night and your thumb is already moving. Another year ends in the same place as the last one. Same man. Two operating systems. Only one of them is working. This episode names the mismatch without anaesthesia: the instincts that built your career — hedge, diversify, keep every door half-open — do not produce intimacy. They produce a slower, more respectable way o...
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  Scrapping the Apps. Episode six. – Your Off-Grid Commitment. 25.08.2026 10min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Your Off-Grid Commitment. This is the decision episode. Alan Cox walks midlife gay men through three clear paths — full pause or quit, serious rule-bound reduction, or a defined experiment — and shows exactly how to install the supports that make the decision hold under pressure. Includes accountability, environmental design, replacement activities, high-risk planning and a spoken commitment. The apps will always be one download away. Y...
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  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 5: Reclaiming Connection. 25.08.2026 11min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Episode 5: Reclaiming Connection. Skills without a system don’t last. In this key integration episode, Alan Cox helps midlife gay men turn everything from the series into a personal Dating Operating System based on ranked values, high-leverage actions and if-then plans. Whether you keep using the apps, reduce them, or leave them, this episode gives you a clear decision architecture so intentional behaviour becomes the default instead of...
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  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 4: Selling the Body. 25.08.2026 7min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Episode 4: Selling the Body. Dating apps intensify appearance pressure, comparison and sexual objectification — especially for midlife gay men. In this episode Alan Cox uses cognitive restructuring to challenge the critical voice that appears when you scroll or look at your own photos. Learn how to identify thinking errors, write balanced alternative thoughts, and stop letting your self-worth rise and fall with matches and messages. Pra...
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  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 3: The Infinite Scroll & the Void. 25.08.2026 7min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Episode 3: The Infinite Scroll & the Void. Why do so many gay men keep checking Grindr and other apps even when it makes them feel worse? This episode explains variable-ratio reinforcement (the same psychology behind slot machines) and rejection sensitivity. CBT coach Alan Cox teaches the skill of urge surfing so you can feel the compulsion rise and fall without acting on it, then helps you reclaim your attention and fill the void w...
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  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 2: Safety First. 25.08.2026 8min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Episode 2: Safety First. Dating apps involve real physical risk — violence, robbery, catfishing and predatory behaviour. In this episode Alan Cox shows midlife gay men how to separate realistic caution from catastrophic thinking and how to build a practical personal safety protocol. Learn assertive boundary scripts for chat, how to design small behavioural safety experiments, and how to stop abandoning your standards when someone attrac...
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  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 1: Mapping the Grid. 25.08.2026 7min

  Send us Fan Mail Scrapping the Apps – Episode 1: Mapping the Grid. Are dating apps leaving you more anxious, distracted, or empty than before you opened them? In this first episode of the Scrapping the Apps series, CBT practitioner and Gay Monogamy Coach Alan Cox teaches midlife gay men how to understand the real psychological impact of Grindr, Scruff, Tinder and similar apps using a clear Cognitive Behavioural framework (Situation → Thoughts → Emotions → Behaviours → Conse...
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  The “Unalienable” Delusion: Why midlife gay men still feel guilty for wanting monogamy 21.08.2026 6min

  Send us Fan Mail The “Unalienable” Delusion: Why midlife gay men still feel guilty for wanting monogamy Many high-achieving gay men in their forties and fifties carry a quiet cultural script: that wanting exclusive monogamy is somehow “unprogressive,” regressive, or a betrayal of hard-won sexual freedom. In this episode, CBT practitioner Alan Cox names and dismantles that script. He examines how the fear of being labelled outdated or conservative still influences relationship choices for prof...
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  Episode 2: The “Unalienable” Delusion: Why midlife gay men still feel guilty for wanting monogamy 21.08.2026 5min

  Send us Fan Mail The “Unalienable” Delusion: Why midlife gay men still feel guilty for wanting monogamy Many high-achieving gay men in their forties and fifties carry a quiet cultural script: that wanting exclusive monogamy is somehow “unprogressive,” regressive, or a betrayal of hard-won sexual freedom. In this episode, CBT practitioner Alan Cox names and dismantles that script — the “Unalienable” Delusion. He examines how the fear of being labelled outdated or conservative still shapes rela...
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  Episode 3. The Exit Ramp Epidemic. 21.08.2026 10min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 3: The Exit Ramp Epidemic The Exit Ramp Epidemic: Why midlife gay men keep abandoning promising relationships You meet someone decent. He’s intelligent, available, and interested. Then the first real friction appears — a scheduling conflict, a difficult conversation, or simply the quiet of ordinary life — and the urge hits. Open the app. Find someone easier. In this episode, CBT practitioner Alan Cox examines how constant app availability and side partners funct...
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  Episode 4 — The Phantom Third. 21.08.2026 12min

  Send us Fan Mail Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part four of ten in the series: Beyond the App: Deconstructi...
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  Episode 5 — Nervous System Regulation & Romantic Sanctuaries 21.08.2026 12min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 5 — Nervous System Regulation & Romantic Sanctuaries Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is p...
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  Episode 6 — The Myth of the "Boring" Monogamist. 21.08.2026 15min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 6 — The Myth of the “Boring” Monogamist. Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part six of...
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  Episode 7 — Relational Contracting: Building the Architecture of Intimacy 21.08.2026 8min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 7 — Building Relational Architecture. Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part seven of ten in...
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  EPISODE 8. Beyond the App: Deconstructing Modern Gay Relationships. 21.08.2026 13min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 8 — The Trauma of Perpetual Choice. Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part eight...
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  Episode 9. The myth of absolute independence. 21.08.2026 8min

  Send us Fan Mail Episode 9 — De-armouring Midlife Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part nine of ten in the ser...
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  Episode Ten. Choosing the real thing. 21.08.2026 3min

  Send us Fan Mail Choosing the Real Thing. Welcome back to The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast. I’m Alan Cox, a CBT practitioner, life coach, writer, and public speaker. This podcast examines the psychological and structural realities behind gay male relationships, monogamy, emotional availability, and midlife connection. Subscribe now. You can listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. You can also listen on Spotify. Today’s episode is part ten of ten in the series: Bey...