Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Эпизоды

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  ‘I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it’s been bothering my conscience lately’ 11.09.2026 6мин

  JP looks well – even though I don’t know what to call him any more? I’m like, “So how are things – I don’t know – Father?” He actually laughs at that? He’s there, “Ross, you don’t have to call me Father.” I’m like, “What do I call you then?” because it’s my first time seeing the dude since he finished his studies to become an actual priest. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  At the end of the summer, just like the rest of you, I’m sick of the sight of my children 04.09.2026 6мин

  I think I’m on the record as saying that being a parent is one of those things that I just happen to be very, very good at without having to put any actual effort into it. Even allowing for that, at the end of a long, hot summer, just like the rest of you, I’m absolutely sick of the sight of my children and I’m glad they’re now someone else’s problem until the end of October.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Your father’s playing golf in Doonbeg,’ Hennessy goes. ‘While the cat’s away, the mice will fornicate’ 02.09.2026 6мин

  Hennessy is grinning like a dog trying to pass a laundry ball through its urinary tract. Yeah, no, for five days now, me and Bernie from Bray of all places have been – in fairness – texting each other, and the dude is reading through the exchanges, some of which are pretty, it might be a word, explicit? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  Charlie is serious about marrying this woman. You haven’t heard the worst of it yet. No prenup 21.08.2026 6мин

  Hennessy actually laughs when he sees me sitting at the bor with a pint of the old Dutch medicine in front of me. He’s like, “What the hell are you doing here?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Oh my God! Your dad’s new girlfriend has entered the Wicklow Pollock Queen competition!’ 07.08.2026 6мин

  Everybody knows about the Dalkey Lobster Festival. It’s coming up in, like, two weeks’ time, and Sorcha is already practising her walk and wave for the Parade of Lobster Queens Past, wearing the sash and crown that she’s held onto ever since her victory in 2008, at the stort of the crash, on a platform of, I want to say, hope? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘My son has opened a museum celebrating criminality. I wish people would stop asking if I’m proud’ 31.07.2026 6мин

  All of Ronan’s old mates are there. We’re talking Buckets of Blood. We’re talking Stacks of Money. We’re talking Nudger. We’re talking Gull. It’s actually Stacks of Money who sidles up to me as I’m watching Ronan across the room, chatting to Paul Reynolds from RTÉ. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  The old man has a Tesco Clubcord. Jesus, it’s worse than I thought 20.07.2026 6мин

  The old man looks wretched. I say it to him as well. I’m like, “You look focking wretched – worse than usual" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
• 
  ‘Wait a minute, are you telling me there’s a World Cup in soccer?’ 26.06.2026 5мин

  “The fock is going on here?” I go. Because – yeah, no – I’ve arrived home to find my wife, my four sons and my in-laws sitting in front of the TV watching, quite literally, a soccer match? My reaction is basically the same as it would be if I arrived home to find Sorcha in bed with Russell Crowe. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
• 
  ‘Your accent is up and down like a focked umbrella,’ I tell the old man 20.06.2026 6мин

  So me and Ronan swing out to – believe it or not – Bray, just to see how my old man is getting on. I’ve a bet with him that he won’t last the summer living out there and I like to check on my investment from time to time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘I’m not giving that kid the money. Not a focking chance’ 12.06.2026 6мин

  I absolutely despise Christian’s wife, Lauren. I say it as well. Not to her face obviously. Sorcha goes, “Ross, you shouldn’t despise anyone.” This coming from the girl who refuses to watch anything with Jake Gyllenhaal in it because he broke Taylor Swift’s hort a life sentence ago. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
• 
  We filled a skip with all the things Sorcha decided she can live without, until she changed her mind 05.06.2026 6мин

  So the latest “thing” in our house is the Swedish death clean. For those of you who aren’t married to Sorcha Lalor, this is a decluttering method that’s meant to spare your loved ones the trouble of sorting through your shit after you’ve dropped the mic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Nobody can say I haven’t put my body on the line for this Leinster team’ 29.05.2026 6мин

  The old man says he thinks he might not live long enough to see Leinster win the European Cup again. I tell him I’m only 46 years old and I’m storting to feel the same way. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Ross, it’s a very simple choice. It’s me or it’s Leinster. You decide’ 22.05.2026 5мин

  Sorcha says she’s – oh my God – so excited about Saturday and I tell her I am too. She goes, “These are the moments, aren’t they?” Which is random because she’s hasn’t shown the slightest flicker of interest in rugby since she thought Rob Kearney gave her a smile and a wave at Taste of Dublin the year before the pandemic and I didn’t have the hort to tell her that he was smiling and waving at me. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Ross, I think you’re finally getting your comeuppance from the universe’ 15.05.2026 6мин

  So what do you think? Yeah, no, Nicola – as in, like, Honor’s girlfriend – is showing me a watch that she bought from, like, Tiffany of all places? It must be, like, a grand’s worth. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Dude, you’re not in Ballsbridge now,’ I tell the old man. ‘This is Las f**king Braygas!’ 08.05.2026 6мин

  The old man asks me if I’ve been boning up on my Spanish ahead of the trip to Bilbao. I’m like, “Is that where Bilbao is? In Spain?” I honestly think I learned more from rugby than I ever did at school. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  I have zero interest in her in that way – is it weird that I want to spend time with this girl? 01.05.2026 6мин

  So I’m in the gym and I’m bench-pressing, I don’t know, something ridiculous, when all of a sudden there’s someone standing over me and – yeah, no – they’re, like, talking to me? I take out the old AirPods and sit up and it ends up being Nicola, as in, like, Honor’s new – in fairness – girlfriend.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘There’s nothing wrong with Bray, Ross,’ the old man says. Literally. Word for word 24.04.2026 6мин

  The old man is sitting in the corner of what was once Shanahan’s on the Green, sucking on a Cohiba the size of a Daihatsu exhaust.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Sorcha, I don’t need ChatGPT to tell me how to talk to my daughter and the girl she’s seeing’ 17.04.2026 6мин

  Sorcha asks me how I’m feeling and I tell her I’m in scintillating form – especially after the win over Sale yesterday. I’m half-thinking of doing my joke about having a semi to look forward to – but then I think better of it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  ‘Potatoes au gratin? My old dear used to say they’re for people with money but no class’ 10.04.2026 7мин

  “Come in,” she goes.This is Bernie I’m quoting – word for word, by the way – as in, like, Bernie the mother of Claire from, like, Bray of all places? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  We’re driving through Donnybrook and Sorcha shouts ‘Stop!’ 03.04.2026 5мин

  “Stop!” Sorcha goes. Yeah, no, we’re driving through Donnybrook at the time. I generally slow down anyway as we’re passing the spot where Kielys once stood, just to make the sign of the cross on myself. Except Sorcha is looking past me at the other side of the road? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.