The Anxiety Recovery Podcast

Эпизоды

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  How to Heal Anxious Attachment Through Family Constellation Therapy & Generational Trauma Healing with Haile Tanner 30.07.2026 46мин

  Have you ever felt like you've always been anxious?Not because of one breakup or one traumatic event, but as long as you can remember, almost like you've "always been this way"?In this episode, I sit down with Haile Tanner, Family Constellation Facilitator, nervous system coach & emotional processing practitioner, to explore how anxious attachment, chronic anxiety, and repeating life patterns may be rooted in something much deeper than your own experiences.We dive into the world of Family Constellation Therapy, generational trauma, and legacy burdens, the unconscious emotional burdens that can be passed through families from one generation to the next. Together, we explore how these inherited patterns can shape your relationships, self-worth, anxiety, and even the way you experience love.Haile shares how Family Constellations invite us to ask a powerful question: "Is this actually mine?" We discuss why some people feel like they're carrying an invisible weight they can't explain, why the same relationship, emotional, financial, or health patterns often repeat across generations, and how healing can begin when you finally put down a burden that was never yours to carry.I also share my own experience of healing inherited family patterns through somatic therapy and how releasing ancestral burdens created shifts that years of insight alone never did.In one of the most vulnerable parts of our conversation, Haile also shares her personal journey of healing after two abortions and how Family Constellation Therapy helped her process grief, reconnect with herself, and find healing in a way she never expected.If you've spent years trying to heal your anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, or chronic anxiety but still feel like something deeper is keeping you stuck, this conversation offers a powerful new lens for understanding your healing journey.If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they may not be broken, they may simply be carrying something that was never theirs to begin with.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed ancestral trauma through brainspotting with the Developer of Brainspotting - David Grand: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67Ky3uoNceomDC1stdT59R?si=930245b9da314ea3Listen to the podcast Val was mentioning about how she healed the Fear of Being Jewish with Ari Kantor here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0nzOvzFkZzpkI6dpGQXv8e?si=6f0c95adf20a4485Join Haile's Anxious To Secure Challenge here: https://stan.store/HealingwithHaile/p/secure-by-summer-challengeConnect with Haile on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhaile/?hl=enConnect with Haile on Tik tok here: https://www.tiktok.com/@healingwithhaileConnect with Haile on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/@HealingwithHaileCheck out Haile's Website here: Anxiousattachmentstyle.com
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  How to Heal Avoidant Attachment (From Someone Who Actually Did It) with Alex Long 23.07.2026 1ч 4мин

  In this episode, I sit down with registered dietitian Alex Long to have an honest conversation about what it's really like to live with avoidant attachment & what it took for her to become more securely attached.Alex shares what relationships felt like in her body before healing, the fears that kept her emotionally distant, and why avoidantly attached people often care deeply but don't know how to stay close. We also talk about the turning points after her divorce that changed everything, how solo travel helped her build trust in herself, and why healing self-worth goes far beyond affirmations and positive thinking.We also discuss:❤️‍🩹 What avoidant attachment actually feels like beneath the surface❤️‍🩹 The hidden fears that drive emotional distance and withdrawal❤️‍🩹 Why avoidantly attached people often crave connection more than they admit❤️‍🩹 The patterns Alex had to stop repeating before real healing could begin❤️‍🩹 How learning to trust herself transformed the way she showed up in relationships❤️‍🩹 The practices that helped her tolerate intimacy instead of running from it❤️‍🩹 What healing self-worth actually looked like beyond affirmations and positive thinking❤️‍🩹 How becoming more securely attached changed the way she chooses relationships todayWhether you're avoidantly attached yourself or you're trying to better understand someone you love, this conversation offers an honest, compassionate look at what healing avoidant attachment can actually look like & why lasting change is possible.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Alex on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/alex.undefined_/If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to check out Alex's first appearance on the podcast: Healing your anxious attachment to your body, food, & Health: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2z1MjuuiaD9Lt3jcbdNlUm?si=yxB8RJNuTJiRP6NGSnGYlgListen to me on Alex's podcast - The truth about your attachment: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zhG37lvxm9pfUicS4neDM?si=4hBTJwDbSlqPaL1sRxfRkA
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  Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family: Why You People Please, Fear Abandonment & Struggle in Relationships with Andrea Ashley 16.07.2026 50мин

  What if your fear of abandonment, people pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, or attraction to emotionally unavailable partners didn't start in your adult relationships... but in the family you grew up in?In this episode, I'm joined by Andrea Ashley, host of The Adult Child Podcast, for a raw and honest conversation about growing up in a dysfunctional family, healing from childhood emotional wounds, and breaking the patterns that quietly follow so many of us into adulthood.Andrea opens up about her experience growing up with addiction in her family, the impact it had on her nervous system and relationships, her journey to sobriety, and what it took to stop carrying the weight of everyone else's emotions.Together, we unpack why so many adult children become chronic people pleasers, caretakers, and fixers, why healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar, and the heartbreaking grief that often comes with realizing your parents may never become the parents you needed.In this episode, we discuss:❤️‍🩹 What growing up in a dysfunctional family actually looks like (even if your childhood seemed "normal")❤️‍🩹 The subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect that often go unnoticed❤️‍🩹 Why adult children struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, and feeling responsible for everyone else❤️‍🩹 How dysfunctional family dynamics shape fear of abandonment and romantic relationships❤️‍🩹 The connection between addiction, family roles, and survival patterns❤️‍🩹 Why setting boundaries with family can feel so uncomfortable❤️‍🩹 The grief of accepting your parents may never change❤️‍🩹 Practical ways to begin healing your nervous system after a dysfunctional childhoodIf you've ever caught yourself thinking, "Maybe I'm just too sensitive," "Why do I always put everyone else first?" or "Why do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?" this conversation will help you understand where those patterns came from and, more importantly, how to begin healing them.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Andrea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adultchildpod/Listen to Andrea's podcast episode featuring Valerie Wired for Abandonment: How Somatic Work Heals what Talk Therapy can't w/Valerie Rubin: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7GUy0N6LJq4tAZLuZgZTqi?si=Ft0UL4hMQ2-l1ChbqFrQmwJoin Andrea's Healing Community here: https://theshitshow.mn.co/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGn6iWE_Vg3B9abvwzjF3vD5go3oAQ_GZgtnzfKt8WxTEi4UW9CJ9en-MH2EAY_aem_8lwcE0CpcQBfuBUWmrLWrw
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  How Childhood Attachment Shapes ADHD, Anxiety & Adult Relationships with Erica Komisar 09.07.2026 48мин

  Why do some people constantly fear abandonment, need reassurance, or struggle to regulate their emotions? Why are anxiety and ADHD becoming more common? And how much of it can be traced back to our earliest relationships?In this episode, I sit down with child psychoanalyst Erica Komisar to explore how our earliest attachment experiences shape the way we relate to ourselves and others for the rest of our lives. We talk about why emotional regulation begins long before children have words, how chronic stress in infancy can impact the developing nervous system, and why many adults struggling in relationships today may actually be carrying unmet attachment needs from their earliest years.We also dive into some of today's biggest parenting debates, including sleep training, the unique roles of mothers and fathers, the importance of community in raising children, and what the research says about building secure attachment from the very beginning. Erica shares why love alone isn't always enough to create secure attachment, how children can be deeply loved and still develop insecure attachment, and why healing our own emotional wounds before becoming parents matters more than we often realize.We also discuss:• The foundations of secure attachment and emotional regulation• Why attachment trauma isn't always healed through insight alone• Generational patterns of anxiety and depression• The sensitivity gene and why some children are more vulnerable to stress• ADHD through the lens of chronic stress and nervous system development• Preverbal trauma and how it shows up in adult relationships• The signs of unmet attachment needs in adulthood• Why abandonment can feel life-threatening for some people• What secure attachment looks like in adult relationships• Practical ways parents can foster resilience, emotional regulation, and secure attachment in the first three years of lifeWhether you're trying to heal your own anxious attachment, better understand your childhood, or become the kind of parent who helps your child feel deeply safe, this conversation is filled with research-backed insights that can change the way you see both yourself and the people you love.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Erica by checking out her website: ericakomisar.com
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  Fear of Running Out of Money, Fear of Conflict, and Why Anxiety Needs Certainty with Kirstin Mitchell 30.06.2026 45мин

  In this episode, I sat down with artist and Shadow Mapping creator Kirstin Mitchell for a conversation about anxiety, uncertainty, and the parts of ourselves we spend so much energy trying to avoid.We talked about the fear of running out of money, why conflict can feel so threatening to the nervous system, and why anxious minds become so attached to certainty and control. We explored how our relationship with the unknown often has less to do with what's actually happening in the present and more to do with what our bodies learned was unsafe long ago.We also dove into the role of somatic healing, creativity, art, and expression in helping us process emotions that words alone often can't reach.I shared my own experience of returning home to Ohio to spend time with family and the unexpected emotions that surfaced during that transition, the grief, uncertainty, identity shifts, and the uncomfortable in-between that so many of us try to rush ourselves through.If you've ever felt like your anxiety needs answers before it can let you rest, if conflict feels bigger than it "should," or if uncertainty makes you feel like you're losing your footing, this conversation is for you.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callhttps://www.instagram.com/healwithval/https://www.instagram.com/kirstinmitchell/
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  Healing Burnout: Why You’re Emotionally Exhausted & Constantly Overwhelmed with Chelsea Horton 11.06.2026 32мин

  So many people think burnout is just “working too much.”But burnout goes SO much deeper than being busy or needing more sleep.In this episode, I sit down with burnout coach Chelsea Horton for a powerful conversation about the nervous system, chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, people pleasing, perfectionism, hyper-independence, and the deeper emotional roots underneath burnout.We talk about why so many people feel disconnected from themselves, numb, overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and stuck in survival mode without even realizing it’s happening.This episode explores:✨ The hidden trauma responses underneath burnout✨ Why productivity becomes tied to self-worth✨ Why rest can feel emotionally uncomfortable or unsafe✨ Signs you’re burnt out that people often miss✨ How chronic stress disconnects you from joy, creativity, intimacy & your body✨ Why vacations and sleep alone often don’t “fix” burnout✨ How to reconnect with your body after years of overriding your needs✨ What nervous system healing and sustainable living actually FEELS likeIf you’ve been stuck in the cycle of overworking, crashing, recovering, and repeating… this conversation will help you understand WHY your body may be asking you to slow down.This episode is for the people who secretly feel exhausted all the time… but still feel guilty resting.Connect with Chelsea on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healing.embodied/Connect with Valerie on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
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  Why You Still Don’t Feel Good Enough (And How To Heal It) with Monika Aimie Greenfield 04.06.2026 1ч 9мин

  Why do so many people still feel “not enough” in relationships, even when they logically KNOW they’re worthy?In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by women’s empowerment coach and somatic therapist Monika Aimie Greenfield to dive deep into the roots of low self-worth, the fear of not being enough, and why so many people exhaust themselves trying to be chosen, loved, validated, and fully seen in relationships.We talk about the connection between trauma and self-worth, how worthiness wounds show up in dating, friendships, family dynamics, and anxious attachment, and why healing these patterns goes SO much deeper than mindset work alone.Inside this episode, we cover:✨ Why you can KNOW your worth and still feel devastated in relationships✨ The hidden ways low self-worth shows up in dating + anxious attachment✨ Why trauma survivors tend to internalize disproportionate blame✨ Why emotionally unavailable relationships can reinforce old wounds✨ The nervous system effects of feeling like love has to be earned✨ Why people pleasing and over-giving leave so many women emotionally exhausted✨ Embodiment, reconnecting to the body, and healing through somatic work✨ Courageous conversations, finding your voice, and speaking your truth✨ What secure self-worth actually FEELS like in the body✨ How relationships change when you truly heal the “not enough” woundThis conversation was vulnerable, validating, deeply healing, and honestly one I think SO many people are going to feel seen by.If you’ve ever secretly felt “too much,” “not enough,” hard to love, emotionally exhausted from trying to be chosen, or stuck in relationship patterns you can’t seem to break… this episode is for you 🫶🏻Get Monika’s workbook on 6 steps to heal the worthiness wound here: https://www.monikaaimie.com/selfworthbookConnect with Monika on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/monika.aimie/Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call
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  How to Stop Dating From Survival Mode, Heal Your Anxious Attachment, Embrace Your Single Era & Embody Your Feminine Energy with Jessica Charuk 14.05.2026 48мин

  There’s a conversation happening online about feminine energy… but I think so much of it skips over the nervous system entirely.Because the truth is:you cannot fully relax into your feminine energy when your body still feels unsafe in love.In this episode with Jessica Charuk, we’re talking all about feminine energy, dating, somatic healing, heartbreak, nervous system healing, anxious attachment, and what it actually looks like to date from self-worth instead of survival mode.We dive deep into:✨ why so many women intellectually know their worth but still panic when someone pulls away✨ the connection between feminine energy and nervous system safety✨ why financial/emotional dependence can keep you dating from survival instead of freedom✨ healing the deeper roots underneath anxious attachment patterns✨ the sacred single era and learning how to romanticize your life while single✨ breakups as the catalyst for your biggest glow up✨ how dating becomes the perfect mirror for your healing journey✨ creating emotional safety within yourself instead of outsourcing it to relationships✨ signs you’re moving from anxious attachment into secure feminine embodiment✨ what changes when you truly know: “I’ve got me regardless of what happens.”We also share personal stories about identity shifts, heartbreak, self-trust, and the moments that forced us to realize:“I actually don’t trust myself to survive without a relationship.”This episode is really about becoming the kind of woman who has herself no matter what.The kind of woman who no longer dates from fear of abandonment, but from freedom, self trust, nervous system safety, and deep self worth.If you’ve been trying to embody feminine energy externally while internally feeling anxious, hypervigilant, or emotionally unsafe in relationships, this episode is for you. 💛If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support in May for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Jess on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/femininecollective_/Connect with Jess on her website: www.jessicacharuk.com
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  Why You Can’t Heal Anxious Attachment Alone (Rupture, Repair & Secure Relationships) 08.05.2026 1ч 2мин

  I was a guest on Lindsey Lockett’s podcast called Holistic Trauma Healing with Lindsey Lockett and this podcast was just too juicy to not also publish it on my podcast, the anxiety recovery podcast! What if anxious attachment isn’t something you heal by becoming hyper-independent, perfectly regulated, or never needing anyone again?In this episode, I joined Lindsay Lockett on the Holistic Trauma Healing Podcast for such a raw, nuanced conversation on anxious attachment, rupture, repair, overfunctioning, emotional unavailability, and why relational wounds have to be healed in relationship.We talked about how anxious attachment is often created through inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregiving — and how that doesn’t always look like obvious neglect. Sometimes emotional unavailability looks like a parent being overwhelmed, struggling with their own mental or physical health, working constantly, caring for another child with higher needs, or simply not having the capacity to attune to you the way you needed.And when that happens, your nervous system learns to survive through hypervigilance, people-pleasing, overfunctioning, reassurance seeking, suppressing your needs, and trying to control the relationship so you don’t have to feel the terror of abandonment.We also got into why healthy love can feel boring after toxic or emotionally unavailable relationships, why attraction is often driven by familiarity and neuroception, and why your body may feel pulled toward dynamics that aren’t actually safe — simply because they feel familiar.Lindsay and I also talked about the connection between anxious attachment and overfunctioning: why doing the most can feel like safety, why resentment builds when needs go unspoken, why anxiously attached people often repress anger, and how anger can actually become a doorway into boundaries, honesty, and repair when we learn how to express it in a healthier way.One of the biggest themes of this episode is that social media often gets relationships wrong. We’re constantly told to “just leave,” “detach,” “never need anyone,” or heal alone before we let ourselves be loved. But attachment wounds happened relationally — so they also have to be healed relationally.That doesn’t mean staying in unsafe or abusive dynamics. It means learning the skills of secure relating: communicating needs, building capacity, allowing rupture and repair, taking accountability, and understanding that being triggered doesn’t mean you’re broken or failing.We also talked about earned secure attachment — and how secure relationships aren’t built because there is never conflict, anger, misunderstanding, or activation. They’re built through what happens after the rupture. Can we come back? Can we repair? Can we build safety over time?This episode is for you if you’ve ever felt too much, too anxious, too needy, too sensitive, or like you have to heal every single wound before you’re worthy of love.You don’t.You are worthy of relationship and belonging right now.And healing anxious attachment isn’t about becoming perfect.It’s about building the nervous system capacity, communication skills, and relational safety to stay connected to yourself and the people who matter even when it feels scary.Connect with Lindsey on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/iamlindseylockett/Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
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  If You Can’t Decide to Stay or Leave, This Is Why (How to Trust Your Body & Intuition) with Becky Aste 01.05.2026 42мин

  If you’ve been stuck in the spiral of “do I stay or do I leave?”…overthinking every interaction, questioning your intuition, and trying to make the “right” decision from your mind…this episode is for you.Because the truth is — you’re not actually confused.You’re disconnected from your body.In this episode, I sat down with Becky Aste to talk about why decision-making in relationships can feel so hard — especially when you have anxious attachment — and what’s actually happening in your nervous system in those moments.We dive into how overthinking becomes a protective strategy, why awareness alone isn’t enough to shift your patterns, and how attachment activation can completely block access to clarity and intuition.We also get into what it really looks like to move from anxious attachment into secure attachment, not just conceptually, but in real-time, lived experience.This episode will help you understand:why you feel stuck in the “stay or go” loophow anxious attachment impacts your ability to make decisionswhat’s happening in your body when you can’t access clarityhow to start trusting your intuition againwhat it looks like to shift from “I don’t know” to deeply trusting yourselfIf you’ve been trying to think your way into clarity… this will show you why that hasn’t worked — and what to do instead.Your body already knows. This episode will help you learn how to listen.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of May, who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/Connect with Val on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
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  You Can’t Think Your Way Out of Anxious Attachment (How to Stop Overthinking & Fear of Abandonment in Relationships) with Mitch Webb 24.04.2026 1ч 16мин

  There are certain relationship patterns that just feel impossible to break…The overthinking.Waiting for a text back.That feeling in your body that they’re going to leave… even when nothing is technically wrong.And a lot of the time, people don’t realize this is anxious attachment — and that it’s not just in your thoughts, it’s actually living in your body.In this episode, I sat down with Mitch Webb (nervous system expert and host of Rooted Conversations) and we really got into all of it — overthinking, reassurance seeking, fear of abandonment, and why these patterns keep repeating.We talked about how this actually forms (trauma, childhood experiences, nervous system dysregulation)… and why trying to just “think differently” doesn’t actually shift it.And then we went deeper.I actually guided Mitch through a live somatic therapy / brainspotting session to work through fear of uncertainty in real time, so you can see what this work actually looks like, not just hear about it.If you feel stuck in relationship anxiety or like you keep ending up in the same push/pull dynamic… this will help you understand why — and what actually starts to change it.
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  Why they feel impossible to let go of (Anxious Attachment, Trauma Bonds, & Soul Ties) with Katie Blumenfeld 09.04.2026 38мин

  If you’ve ever known someone wasn’t right for you…but you still couldn’t let them go…this episode is for you.Because there are certain connections that don’t just live in your mind, they live in your body.The ones you replay.The ones that changed you.The ones that feel almost impossible to release… even when you’ve done the work, you understand your patterns, and you know better.And at some point, you start wondering…Was that a soul tie… or was that my attachment wounds?In this episode, I’m sitting down with Katie Blumenfeld: she’s a psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, and reiki practitioner and we’re really going there.We talk about:why some connections feel so intense, consuming, and honestly… hard to breakhow to tell the difference between real love vs a trauma bond vs what people call a “soul tie”why one person can still have a hold on you… even after therapy, self-awareness, and all the healing workthe grief no one talks about, not just losing them, but losing who you got to be with themthe deeper wound underneath the thought “I’ll never find something like this again”what’s actually happening in your nervous system in these “can’t let go” dynamicsand how to start releasing this, not just in your mind, but in your bodyThis episode is for you if you’ve ever felt stuck on someone who felt… different. deeper. harder to move on from.Because this isn’t just about love.It’s about what your body learned to attach to. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of April for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Katie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katieblumenfeldlcsw/Check out Katie's Website: https://www.katieblumenfeldlcsw.com/Check out Katie's Substack: https://substack.com/@katieblumenfeldlcsw/p-190017664More info on Katie's signature program: Where the Psyche Meets the Soul: https://www.wherethepsychemeetsthesoul.com/
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  Self Abandonment in Relationships: Why you ignore your needs (even when you're self aware) with Lorina Manzanita 03.04.2026 44мин

  You can literally feel when something’s off…and still not say anything.You know what you need.You’ve done the therapy.You can name the pattern as it’s happening…and you still go quiet.You still over-explain.You still choose them over yourself.If that’s you — this episode is going to hit.I’m sitting down with Lorina Manzanita (somatic intimacy coach) and we go into the kind of self-abandonment that’s not obvious…The kind that looks like being “understanding.”The kind that looks like giving them the benefit of the doubt.The kind where you leave yourself… but don’t even realize you did.We talk about what this actually feels like in your body,why being self-aware doesn’t automatically change it,and why for so many of us… it actually feels safer to abandon ourselves than to be fully honest.We also go into the grief that comes up when you realize how long you’ve been doing this…and how to start catching it in real time instead of after the fact.This isn’t because something is wrong with you.Your body just learned that being you wasn’t always safe.And this episode will help you start coming back to yourself.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Lorina here: www.LorinaManzanita.com
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  Why waiting for your partner to change keeps you stuck (& how to break this blame cycle in relationships) with Peter McLaughlin 13.03.2026 1ч 2мин

  Most people believe the reason they’re unhappy in their relationship is simple: their partner needs to change.If they communicated better… showed up differently… stopped certain behaviors… then everything would finally feel safe, calm, and fulfilling.But what if that belief is actually part of the cycle that keeps couples stuck?In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin sits down with relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist Peter McLaughlin to unpack the blame cycle in relationships and why so many people get trapped waiting for their partner to change in order to finally feel better.Together they explore the deeper subconscious patterns that drive blame, conflict, and repeated disappointment in relationships and why blaming your partner can actually function as a protective response when you're feeling hurt or powerless.Peter shares how unconscious beliefs, nervous system responses, and cultural conditioning shape the way we interpret our partner’s behavior and why shifting out of blame is often the key to creating healthier connection.In this episode, we explore:• why blame feels so automatic when we're hurt• the hidden reason people believe their partner is the source of their pain• why the cycle of hope → disappointment → blame keeps repeating• how media and cultural narratives create unrealistic expectations about love• the difference between expressing a valid need and reacting from blame• how to take emotional responsibility without abandoning yourself• healthier ways to communicate pain without attacking your partner• what shifts when you stop waiting for your partner to changeIf you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “If they would just change, everything would be better…” this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and how to start moving toward deeper connection instead of repeating the same painful cycle. Check out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Peter on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepetermclaughlin/Connect with Peter on youtube:https://www.youtube.com/@BlueSkyHypnosisConnect with Peter on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/petertmclaughlin/
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  The Hidden Link Between Anxious Attachment and Pregnancy Loss (That No One Talks About) with Sharna Southan 06.03.2026 1ч 3мин

  I recently had the honor of joining Sharna, the global pregnancy loss expert behind The Pregnancy Loss Recovery Method™, the only proven framework that addresses pregnancy loss as reproductive trauma, not just grief — for a deeply powerful conversation on her podcast What I Wish I Knew About Pregnancy Loss.In this episode, we explore something that so many women experience but rarely have language for: the invisible connection between anxious attachment, pre-verbal trauma, and pregnancy loss.We talk about why loss mothers often feel trapped in hypervigilance… why trauma cannot be healed through thinking alone… and how your nervous system may have been shaped long before your loss ever happened.I also share parts of my own journey through chronic anxiety, physical health challenges, and relationship patterns — and how learning to work with the body changed everything talk therapy couldn’t reach.Inside this conversation, we explore:• Why chronic anxiety often shows up in the body as physical symptoms• Why “crying it out” actually conflicts with our biology as mothers• How trauma can be imprinted before we even have language• What’s happening in the nervous system when anxiety spikes above a 7/10• The connection between people-pleasing, grief, and anxious attachment• Somatic tools for regulation including vagus nerve toning and somatic unblendingIf you’ve ever felt like your anxiety lives in your body… or like your nervous system is constantly scanning for danger after loss… this conversation will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.
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  From hustle to secure: rewiring your attachment to your work with Anna Holtzman 27.02.2026 48мин

  From Hustle to Secure: Rewiring Your Attachment to WorkSo many people think anxious attachment only shows up in dating.But what if the relationship that’s actually dysregulating you… is your business?In this episode, I share my personal journey from six years of chronic pain into becoming an anxious attachment specialist — and how I realized I wasn’t just anxiously attached in relationships… I was anxiously attached to achievement, productivity, and validation.If your nervous system spirals when a client doesn’t respond…If you over-give, over-work, and struggle to set boundaries…If your sense of worth rises and falls based on performance…This conversation is for you.We explore:• How chronic pain can become a portal into deeper healing• The subtle ways anxious attachment shows up in business• Why validation-seeking keeps your nervous system stuck• How childhood experiences shape your relationship with money and success• The over-giving → burnout → resentment cycle• Why nervous system regulation is the foundation of secure success• Practical somatic tools to calm anxiety in the moment• How to anchor into your adult self instead of your abandonment woundHealing isn’t about hustling harder.It’s about creating safety in your body so your business is no longer your attachment figure.You don’t need to earn rest.You don’t need to perform for love.And you don’t need to chase success the way you once chased unavailable partners.Secure attachment isn’t just for relationships.It’s for your career, your money, and the way you hold yourself through uncertainty.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or secretly terrified of slowing down, this episode will help you exhale.Check out the previous podcast episode I did with Anna on my podcast on healing the fear of visibility: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6afRZwfYyfo2OQF4O3fzjl?si=SmgzvOJRRcSCGX4de71B8QConnect with Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call
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  Attachment Styles Explained: The Brain and Nervous System Behind Anxious & Avoidant Love with Dr. Stan Tatkin 19.02.2026 1ч 16мин

  So many people understand attachment styles intellectually… yet still find themselves repeating the same painful relationship patterns.Why do you still panic when someone pulls away?Why does your avoidant partner shut down under pressure?Why does the honeymoon phase fade even when nothing “bad” happened?Because attachment isn’t just psychological.It’s biological.In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with attachment expert Dr. Stan Tatkin to unpack the brain-body science behind anxious and avoidant attachment and why relationships often fail not because of incompatibility, but because of automatic survival programming.Dr. Tatkin explains that attachment strategies are not flaws, they are biological adaptations shaped by early environments.We explore:• Why attachment is a survival strategy, not a personality defect• The difference between “Waves” (anxious/clinging) and “Islands” (avoidant/distancing)• Why even avoidant partners are driven by anxiety, especially fear of engulfment, demands, and losing independence• Why anxious partners feel chronically “not chosen” and how that shows up in the nervous system• How couples unknowingly compel each other into pursue-withdraw cycles• Why attraction can turn into irritation (and why that’s a feature of biology, not failure)• The brain’s “energy conservation” law and how it automates partners into the background after the honeymoon phase• How stress flips couples into “one-person survival mode” instead of “two-person secure mode”• Why so much conflict isn’t personal, it’s neurobiologicalWe also go deep into Dr. Tatkin’s concept of secure functioning, a deliberate social contract between two equals that prioritizes the relationship’s safety above all else.You’ll learn:• What shared power actually looks like in practice• Why secure functioning requires win-win agreements (no one gets to win while the other loses)• How proactive policies and post-mortems reduce recurring conflict• Why the relationship must come first for long-term stabilityAnd one of the most powerful ideas from this episode:When your partner is distressed, they are in an altered state of threat.They cannot self-regulate.In that moment, you are the medicine.We talk about how to give the “opposite of fear” moving toward a Wave who fears abandonment, easing pressure for an Island who fears demands and how co-regulation is the pathway back to safety.If you struggle with anxious attachment, overthinking, feeling unchosen, or being stuck in a pursue–withdraw dynamic… this episode will reframe everything.You are not broken.Your nervous system learned how to survive.And secure, stable, secure-functioning love is absolutely possible, even if you didn’t grow up with secure attachment.Connect with Dr. Stan here: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/
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  From People-Pleasing to Self-Trust: How to Heal Codependency and Finally Put Yourself First with Libby Sibert 12.02.2026 33мин

  If you constantly find yourself overgiving, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode is for you. Many people don’t realize they’re operating from codependent patterns because it often looks like being loving, loyal, or supportive on the surface. But underneath, it can feel exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and deeply disconnecting from your own needs.In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin is joined by trauma-informed coach, Brainspotting therapist, and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist Libby Sibert for a powerful conversation on how codependency forms, why breaking these patterns can feel so uncomfortable in the body, and how to begin shifting from chronic people-pleasing into grounded self-trust.Together, they explore the hidden signs of codependency many people miss, why setting boundaries can trigger guilt and fear even when you know change is necessary, and how these patterns live in the nervous system long before we consciously recognize them. You’ll also learn small, emotionally safe boundary practices, early signs that you’re moving toward healthier interdependence, and how to reconnect with your own needs after years of prioritizing others.If you’ve ever felt like you lose yourself in relationships, struggle to say no, or worry that putting yourself first makes you “selfish,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface and how to begin building secure, balanced, and emotionally safe relationships, starting with the relationship you have with yourself.Connect with Libby on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/find_love_that_lasts_/Check out Libby's find love that lasts program: https://libbysibbert.kartra.com/page/FLTLFprogram1Check out Libby's coaching packages: https://www.libbysibbert.co.uk/coaching_packagesCheck out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call
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  How to Heal Your Fear of Uncertainty (When Not Knowing Feels Unsafe) with Dr. Ray Doktor 29.01.2026 53мин

  If not knowing what’s coming next makes your chest tighten, your mind race, or your body brace for impact, this episode is for you. For many people, uncertainty isn’t just uncomfortable. It feels dangerous. The moment something is unresolved, open-ended, or unclear, the nervous system goes into survival mode: overthinking, reassurance-seeking, scanning for signs, needing answers now just to feel okay.In this episode, I’m joined by Ray Doktor to explore the fear of uncertainty, not as a mindset issue or lack of resilience, but as a nervous-system response shaped by safety, unpredictability, and past experiences.We talk about why the body often treats uncertainty as a threat, why making any decision (even a painful one) can feel more regulating than waiting, and how living in constant “I’ll be okay once I know” mode slowly exhausts the nervous system.You’ll hear us unpack:Why overthinking, urgency, and reassurance-seeking aren’t flaws, they’re protective strategiesHow fear of uncertainty shows up in relationships through the need for clarity, timelines, and reassuranceWhat’s really happening in the body when you feel stuck in the not-knowingWhy people who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments often struggle most with uncertaintyHow constant mental vigilance keeps you braced, tense, and exhaustedMost importantly, we explore what actually helps, not by forcing yourself to tolerate uncertainty, but by creating safety inside your body.We talk about why healing fear of uncertainty requires working with the nervous system, how to stay present without freezing or spiraling, what healthy uncertainty feels like in a regulated body, and how to begin trusting yourself even when you don’t have answers yet.If uncertainty has been running the show in your life, and you’re tired of fighting your own mind, this conversation offers a gentler, more grounding way forward.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Purchase Dr. Ray Doktor's book here: https://www.amazon.com/All-Takes-One-Hidden-Belief/dp/B0D1NSDB6LConnect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drraydoktorcoaching/Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raydoktor
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  When Your Body Reacts Before You Can Think: How to heal Triggers Through the Nervous System with Courtney Osselaer 22.01.2026 53мин

  Have you ever wondered why your body reacts before you can think — even when you know you’re safe, loved, or “shouldn’t be this triggered”?In this episode, we explore triggers through a nervous-system lens and gently dismantle the belief that being triggered means you’re broken, failing, or doing healing “wrong.”I’m joined by Courtney, an Emotional Mastery and Self-Trust Coach, board-certified nurse coach, and pediatric nurse, for a compassionate and deeply grounding conversation about what triggers actually are, why they feel so intense, and how they impact our energy, relationships, parenting, and sense of self-trust.Together, we talk about:Why triggers feel so personal and discouraging — especially when shame says, “I should be past this by now”What’s really happening in the body when you’re triggered, from a nervous-system perspectiveHow triggers drain energy and show up in intimacy, communication, and motherhood — even when love is presentThe difference between managing triggers and healing their rootsWhy so many moms feel triggered and then immediately guilty for itWhat it looks like to work with a trigger instead of fighting or suppressing itHow healing triggers can restore not just calm — but deep self-trustHow triggers can become portals to self-connection rather than proof something is wrongThis is an honest, validating conversation for anyone who’s tired of trying to override their reactions and wants to understand their body with more compassion.Because healing doesn’t come from pushing yourself harder — it comes from listening more deeply.Connect with Courtney on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/the_eo_seahorse/Get access to Courtney's trigger reaction journal here: https://courtneycoacheswellness.app.clientclub.net/courses/offers/7a002f4b-a269-4927-8a3d-15d51da26eccConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call