Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Эпизоды

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  E149: You're Not Broken, You're Time-Traveling: A Listener Q&A on Presence, Certainty & Comparison 21.09.2026 40мин

  Do you ever catch yourself drifting out of a moment you actually wanted to be present for? Or find yourself needing proof that a new relationship is "safe" before you can relax into it? Or notice you're comparing the wonderful people in your life now to the people who hurt you as a kid — even though you know it isn't fair to them? This episode answers a real listener's three questions — and if any of them sound familiar, you're not alone, and you're not broken. In this episode, Cindy unpacks why dissociation is actually an old survival skill still running on autopilot, why needing certainty in a new relationship is a nervous system asking an outdated question, and why comparing today's safe people to yesterday's unsafe ones is your brain doing exactly what it was built to do — just with outdated data. Drawing on the work of Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Pete Walker, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and Jeffrey Young, Cindy translates the clinical research into real, usable practices. Walk away with three concrete tools you can start using today:The Anchor List — pre-selected sensory details that pull you back into the present the moment you notice you've driftedThe Two-Minute Rule — a way to tell whether an urge for reassurance is actually asking for regulationThe Evidence File — a method for retraining your brain's outdated "danger filter" with specific, concrete proof of who's actually safe now Pick just one of the three practices this week and try it once — not perfectly, just once. Have a question you've never said out loud? Send it in; it's in the show notes email, and it might become the subject of a future episode. Then join Cindy this Wednesday for a follow-up practice episode, and next Monday for a deep dive into the ACE study and the resilience score that goes with it.Episode InfoRuntime: ~30 minutesFormat: Listener Q&A / full-length episodeKey frameworks referenced: Peter Levine (polyvagal/freeze response), Bessel van der Kolk (body-based trauma healing), Pete Walker (emotional flashbacks, CPTSD), Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (attachment theory), Jeffrey Young (schema therapy)Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E148: Who Am I Without This Role? A Quick Identity-Rebuilding Practice 16.09.2026 13мин

  Still feeling like you lost a piece of yourself along with the role? Let’s find what’s still there.We go deeper into Monday’s reframe, “this role ending doesn’t erase who I’ve become,” with three specific ways to practice it and a short grounding exercise.You’ll leave with the beginning of your own “underneath the role” list, a few grounded reminders of who you are, no matter what’s shifting around you.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E147: Rebuilding Your Identity After a Role Ends: A CPTSD Survivor’s Guide 14.09.2026 35мин

  Have you ever felt like you lost yourself the moment a role in your life changed, even a role ending that was healthy, expected, or something you wanted? This episode is about why that disorientation makes complete sense.We explore how identity and role get fused early on for a lot of trauma survivors, and how that fusion shows up in career changes, empty nests, caregiving endings, and shifting friendships. This episode includes personal reflection on standing in a college dorm parking lot and not knowing, for about thirty seconds, who I was.By the end of this episode you’ll have a new reframe, “This role ending doesn’t erase who I’ve become,” and a concrete practice for finding steadier ground underneath a shifting role.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E146: How to Stop Over-Apologizing This Week: A Fawn Response Reframe 09.09.2026 16мин

  Caught yourself apologizing again today? Let’s practice something different.We go deeper into Monday’s reframe, “I can hold space for myself first,” with three specific ways to practice it and a short body-based grounding exercise.You’ll leave with a tool you can use the moment you feel the urge to over-apologize rising.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E145: The Fawn Response Revisited: Why You Over-Apologize and How to Stop 07.09.2026 37мин

  Have you ever caught yourself apologizing for something that genuinely did not need an apology? Sorry for asking a question. Sorry for having a preference. In this episode we’re taking another look at fawning, one of the lesser-known trauma responses, and why it shows up everywhere from work to romantic relationships.We reframe fawning as an intelligent survival adaptation, not weakness, and walk through where it comes from and how it quietly runs in the background of adult relationships.By the end of this episode you’ll have a new reframe, “I can hold space for myself first,” and a concrete practice for pausing before you smooth something over that didn’t need smoothing.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E144: How to Stop Overthinking Every Decision: A CPTSD Reframe Practice 02.09.2026 16мин

  Still replaying a decision from earlier this week? This midweek reframe gives you something concrete to actually use before your next one.We go deeper into Monday’s reframe, “I trust myself to learn as I go,” with three specific ways to practice it in real life and a short grounding exercise to pair with it.By the end of this ten minutes you’ll have a tool you can use today, the next time a decision starts to spiral.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E143: Why CPTSD Makes Decision-Making So Hard (And How to Trust Yourself Again) 31.08.2026 33мин

  Do you research every decision into the ground, ask five people for their opinionbefore trusting your own, or feel real physical anxiety when there’s no clear right answer? Inthis episode we’re naming a pattern a lot of us with complex trauma histories carry, and it has almost nothing to do with being “an overthinker” by nature.We trace decision paralysis back to its actual root, childhood conditioning thattaught the nervous system mistakes were dangerous, not just inconvenient. This episodeincludes personal reflection on dropping two of my three kids off at college for the first time,and the flood of second-guessing that showed up in me that had nothing to do with themdirectly.By the end of this episode you’ll have a new reframe, “I trust myself to learn as I go,”and a concrete tool, the 70% rule, for acting without waiting for certainty that was nevercoming.If today’s episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. All the ways toreach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E142: : People-Pleasing, Boundaries & Trauma Bonds: Ask Me Anything Part 2 (CPTSD & Attachment Q&A) 24.08.2026 32мин

  Do you find yourself over-explaining every boundary you set, or wondering what's safe to share with your own kids after growing up with a parent who shared too much with you? This episode is for you.This is part two of our Ask Me Anything series on CPTSD, built around real listener questions. We talk about setting healthy boundaries with your children after an enmeshed childhood of your own, why people-pleasing is a trauma response rather than a personality trait, and how to work on becoming less dependent on deep connection without falling into dissociation.In this episode we cover: • What to share and not share with your kids after growing up parentified • A simple filter for deciding what's appropriate to disclose to children at different ages • Why over-explaining boundaries keeps you stuck, and how to stop • Understanding connection dependency as a nervous system survival strategy • Building a regulation toolkit beyond any one relationship • Working with dissociation with curiosity instead of judgment • Saying no at work without the guilt spiral • Why people-pleasing and resentment often show up together • People-pleasing as trauma response, not personalityA reminder that there is no Midweek Reframe for these two weeks while I move my twin sons into college and settle back into life in California. We'll return to our regular Monday and Wednesday rhythm soon after. If this series resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E141: CPTSD, Attachment & Dating: Ask Me Anything Part 1 (Trauma-Informed Q&A) 17.08.2026 33мин

  Do you find yourself more anxious the closer you get to someone, instead of less? Or freezing mid-conversation and not knowing why? You're not broken, and this episode is for you.This is part one of a special two-part Ask Me Anything series, built around real listener questions on CPTSD, dating, and attachment. We talk about whether and when to disclose CPTSD to someone you're dating, how to work with the freeze response after hard conversations, the difference between "safe" and "just not scary," and why closeness can trigger more anxiety instead of less when you're healing from complex trauma.In this episode we cover: • Dating and disclosure with CPTSD • The freeze response and how to work with it in real time • Telling the difference between genuine safety and relief from chaos • Why intimacy can increase anxiety for trauma survivors • Anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment without the shame • What it means when a partner calls your need for reassurance "too much" • Why we test people to see if they'll leave, and what to do instead • A simple practice to use after any activating interactionA reminder that there will be no Midweek Reframe for the next two weeks while I move my twin sons into college and settle back into life in California. Part two of this AMA series drops next week, covering people-pleasing, boundaries with your own children, and working through dependency on deep connection. If this episode helped you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E140: Work Stress Isn't the Same for Everyone, Especially for Trauma Survivors, with Luke Richardson 10.08.2026 1ч 19мин

  Do you ever feel like everyone else seems to handle work stress just fine, while yours feels like it's sitting on top of something much bigger? If your nervous system already feels like it's working overtime, this episode is for you. This conversation was originally recorded for Luke Richardson's podcast, Wave Work Stress Goodbye. Luke and I met through the podcasting world, and while his focus is workplace wellbeing, we quickly realized how much overlap there is between what he explores and what I focus on here: CPTSD and trauma healing. Work stress and burnout can hit anyone, but for trauma survivors, a demanding job can land very differently. We talk about why so many professionals feel overwhelmed by workplace pressure, how our minds actually respond to stress, and why lasting wellbeing may come from a different understanding rather than just managing every stressful thought. In this episode we discuss:Work stress and workplace anxiety through a trauma-informed lensBurnout, emotional wellbeing, and the nervous systemYoga and mindfulness for professionalsThe relationship between mind and bodyTherapy and mental health at workOverthinking, resilience, and finding real clarityWhy wellbeing is about more than coping strategiesLiving with more ease in demanding careers, especially for CPTSD survivorsWhether work stress is your main challenge or one more layer on top of everything else you're carrying, this conversation offers a fresh, grounded perspective.Before you go, thank you to everyone who submitted questions for the upcoming two-part Ask Me Anything series on CPTSD, starting next week. And a quick note for regular listeners: there won't be a Midweek Reframe this week, this space is dedicated fully to this episode. Next week brings the first part of the Q&A series, and after that two week series, we'll return to our regular rhythm, full episodes on Mondays and Midweek Reframe on Wednesdays.If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a fresh perspective on work stress and healing.About Luke Richardson: Luke is a UK-based work stress coach and host of Wave Work Stress Goodbye, a podcast exploring work stress, anxiety, and burnout through an inside-out, Three Principles understanding.🎙️ Listen to Wave Work Stress Goodbye: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wave-work-stress-goodbye/id1832815494📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luke_richardson88/?hl=en💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/luke-richardson-7441643a4/📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LukeRichardson-r3c🌐 Website: https://onethoughtaway.my.canva.site/Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E139: What a Real Apology Actually Looks Like and What to Do When You Get a Fake One 05.08.2026 14мин

  Have you ever received an apology that somehow made you feel worse? Or found yourself apologizing in a way that had more to do with ending the tension than actually taking responsibility? This midweek reframe breaks down what a real apology actually looks like, what makes a fake one, and how to offer one yourself even when nobody ever modeled it for you.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize, this episode gives you a clear, practical framework for both giving and receiving apologies, including the one rule that changes everything: a real apology never contains the word but.You'll leave with a concrete understanding of what genuine accountability looks and sounds like, and a framework for offering a clean apology yourself the next time you need to.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerootedConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E138: Forgiving vs. Reconciling: Why You Don't Have to Do Both and What to Do When the Apology Never Comes 03.08.2026 22мин

  Forgiving and reconciling are not the same thing. And for many trauma survivors, understanding the difference between them is what finally makes it possible to pursue one without being pressured into the other. This episode goes deep into that distinction, and into what to do when the apology you deserve never comes.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode includes personal reflection on family betrayal, the compounded injury of people who should have shown up choosing the other side, and the ongoing work of forgiving yourself when you couldn't protect someone you love.You'll leave with a clearer sense of what your own forgiveness work actually requires, what it doesn't require, and practical tools for living with unresolved pain when the apology you deserved never arrived.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerootedConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E137: Forgiveness in Percentages: Letting Go of the All-or-Nothing Pressure to Forgive 29.07.2026 10мин

  What if forgiveness didn't have to be all or nothing? What if you could release some of the weight without releasing all of the truth? This midweek reframe introduces Harriet Lerner's concept of forgiveness in percentages and gives you a reflective practice for finding where you actually are without pressure to be further along than you are.Drawing from Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, this episode offers a gentler, more honest framework for thinking about forgiveness that honors the complexity of what you've been through without shaming you for not being at a hundred percent.You'll leave with a reflective practice you can use today to map where you actually are with a specific forgiveness situation and what, if anything, you want to do about it.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerootedConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E136: What Forgiveness Is Not: Dismantling the Myths That Keep Trauma Survivors Stuck 27.07.2026 24мин

  Have you ever been told that you need to forgive in order to heal? That holding onto anger is making you sick? That forgiving someone who hurt you is something you owe them, or yourself, or God? This episode is going to challenge all of that. Directly. With clinical backing. And a lot of personal honesty.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we dismantle the most pervasive and damaging myths about forgiveness, including the idea that it's required, that it's what good people do, and that withholding it is what's keeping you from healing. This episode includes personal reflection on a situation from ten years ago that made forgiveness one of the most complicated and slippery topics in my own life.By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different framework for thinking about forgiveness, one that centers your autonomy, your pain, and your actual healing rather than the comfort of the person who hurt you.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner• The Dance of Anger by Harriet LernerConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E135: Are You the Overfunctioner or the Underfunctioner? How to Identify Your Role and Change Your First Move 22.07.2026 10мин

  Do you find yourself doing more, managing more, worrying more, planning more, while someone else in your life seems to do less? Or are you the one who steps back while someone else picks up the slack? Either way, you're in a dance. And this midweek reframe gives you the first practical step toward changing it.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's framework of overfunctioning and underfunctioning in The Dance of Anger, this episode helps you identify which role you're playing in your most significant relationships and what your specific first move looks like depending on which one you are.You'll leave with a clear picture of your relational role and one concrete action you can take this week to begin shifting the pattern, without blowing up the relationship in the process.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted• Submit your CPTSD question: [email protected] with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E134: Changing Your Steps in the Dance of Anger: Why the People Around You Push Back 20.07.2026 23мин

  Have you ever tried to change how you handle conflict, set a boundary, or stop doing the thing you always do, only to have everyone around you act like you've lost your mind? There's a reason for that. And it's not you.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode unpacks why changing your steps in a relational dance is one of the hardest and most important things you will ever do. This episode includes personal reflection on 25 years of marriage, the invisible load of primary parenting, overfunctioning and underfunctioning, and what happens when the anger you've been absorbing finally has nowhere left to go.You'll leave this episode with a clearer understanding of why your relationships react the way they do when you start to grow, and what to do when the pushback feels like too much.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted• Submit your CPTSD question: [email protected] with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E133: Anger as a Signal Not a Symptom: A Skill for Decoding What Your Anger Is Telling You 15.07.2026 11мин

  Monday we talked about anger as information. Today we're getting practical. This midweek reframe gives you a concrete skill for slowing down and actually hearing what your anger is trying to say before you react or suppress.Using a simple somatic and reflective practice rooted in complex trauma and attachment theory, we walk through exactly how to pause with anger and decode it in real time.By the end of this ten minutes you'll have a tool you can use today, this week, the next time anger shows up.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and revie wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner• Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted• Submit your CPTSD question: [email protected] with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E132: What Your Anger Is Really Trying to Tell You: Anger, Trauma, and Attachment 13.07.2026 39мин

  Are you someone who was told your anger was too much? Or maybe you learned early on to swallow it completely? In this episode we're cracking open what anger actually is, where it comes from, and why for those of us with complex trauma histories, it's one of the most misunderstood and mismanaged emotions we carry.Drawing from Harriet Lerner's groundbreaking work in The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we explore why anger isn't the problem. It's the signal. And learning to read that signal changes everything. This episode includes personal reflection on how anger has shown up in 25 years of marriage, motherhood, and healing as a CPTSD survivor.By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different relationship with your anger, and maybe a little more compassion for the parts of you that learned to either explode or disappear.If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you.RESOURCES MENTIONED• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk• Submit your CPTSD question: [email protected] with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E131: The Inner Critic Started as Someone Else's Voice: Reclaiming Your Own 08.07.2026 10мин

  Someone said something critical — maybe recently, maybe years ago, maybe decades ago — and it landed like a verdict. Not just feedback. Not just one person's opinion. A verdict. On your worth, your competence, your enoughness. And the truly painful part? You didn't need them to keep saying it. You learned to say it to yourself.In this midweek reframe, Cindy explores the pattern she knows intimately — criticism from a parent or family member that became so internalized it started to feel like her own voice. She connects this to what we know about CPTSD, the inner critic, and why trauma survivors are especially vulnerable to letting other people's opinions become the operating system they run on. And she offers one reframe and one practice to begin the slow work of unhooking.You don't have to silence the inner critic overnight. You don't have to stop caring what people think entirely. You just have to begin to notice when the voice you're hearing isn't actually yours — and practice, one moment at a time, choosing a different one.🎙️ Go back and listen to Monday's full episode first — this reframe is the natural next step after that conversation💬 Submit your CPTSD question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes🔔 Carry this into your week: Whose voice is the criticism I'm hearing right now — and is it actually mine?Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, inner critic, people pleasing, attachment, criticism, self-worth, shame, parental criticism, complex trauma recoveryConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.
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  E130: Celebrating Small Wins Without Guilt: Why CPTSD Makes Joy Feel Dangerous 06.07.2026 34мин

  You did something hard. Something real. Something that took courage or patience or more strength than anyone around you probably knew. And instead of letting it land — instead of letting yourself feel good about it even for a moment — you immediately moved the goalposts. Or waited for someone else to tell you it counted. Or let the list of everything still undone drown it out before it even had a chance to breathe. Sound familiar?In this episode, Cindy gets honest about her own lifelong pattern of minimizing wins across every domain of her life — professional milestones, personal growth, parenting, healing — and connects it to what complex trauma actually does to our capacity for self-recognition and joy. Drawing from neuroscience, self-compassion research, and the CPTSD lens, she unpacks why celebrating can feel unsafe, selfish, or simply premature for trauma survivors — and what it looks like to slowly, gently begin changing that.You'll learn:Why CPTSD survivors are wired to minimize accomplishment and move the goalposts rather than pause and receiveHow the nervous system learns to associate joy and celebration with danger — and what that costs us over timeThe three most common guilt patterns around celebrating small wins and where they come fromWhat it actually looks and feels like to let a win land — and the small, concrete practices that make it possibleThis is not about throwing yourself a parade for every ordinary Tuesday. It is about learning to receive what you have genuinely earned — without immediately explaining it away, shrinking it down, or waiting for someone else's permission to feel good about it. You have been working hard for a long time. Some of that deserves to land.🎙️ Listen now — and notice what happens in your body when you try to let a recent win actually count📩 Submit your question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything: CPTSD episode — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes🔔 Catch the midweek reframe this week for one practice around unhooking from criticism that has lived in you longer than it should haveKeywords: trauma, CPTSD, people pleasing, attachment, celebrating wins, self-compassion, inner critic, nervous system, complex trauma recovery, joyConnect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.comInstagram: @cindypaynerootedemail: [email protected] podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance.Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.