The cult.ture podcast

Epizódy

• 35-They Reinstated an Apostate | Jeron's Story 20.06.2026 1h 11min

  Jeron Benton joins cult.ture to share his journey growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, becoming inactive, returning to the organization after a near-death experience, and ultimately waking up after a shocking judicial committee experience. In this conversation, Jeron opens up about being disfellowshipped after spending two years trying to return to the faith, the moment he realized the system wasn't what he believed it was, and the bold plan that led him to be reinstated after he had already become an apostate. We also explore the deeper realities of leaving a high-control religion: losing family, rebuilding identity, navigating grief, finding authentic friendships, and learning to trust yourself after years of being taught not to. Most importantly, this episode is about healing. Jeron shares what freedom looks like today, the struggles that still remain, and the practices that help him move forward. Topics include: • Jehovah's Witness upbringing• Disfellowshipping and shunning• Judicial committees• Family loss after leaving• Cult recovery and deconstruction• Emotional healing and men's mental health• Authenticity and personal freedom• Rebuilding life after a high-control group Follow Jeron: YouTube: Jeron BentonInstagram: @jerons_world   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 34-Stop the Shunning: A Conversation with Bethany Leger 06.06.2026 2h 5min

  In this episode of cult.ture, Derek sits down with author, speaker, and Stop the Shunning creator Bethany Leger. Raised as a Jehovah's Witness, Bethany shares her journey from questioning the organization to ultimately leaving alongside her husband. Together, they explore the emotional realities of shunning, the complexities of family estrangement, and what it means to rebuild a life after a high-control environment. The conversation dives into Bethany's books, Physically and Mentally Out and her newest release, Burning Down the House, which examines toxic family dynamics, boundaries, conditional love, and healing after emotional control. Topics include: • Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses• The impact of shunning• Family estrangement• Toxic family systems• Setting healthy boundaries• Identity after high-control groups• Activism and recovery• Finding authenticity after trauma Whether you're navigating religious trauma, family estrangement, or simply learning how to reclaim your voice, Bethany offers insight, honesty, and hope for the journey forward. Connect with Bethany:YouTubeWebsite Email Instagram Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 33-Novice Enthusiasm: Creativity After Control — with Sean Miller 23.05.2026 2h 50min

  In this episode of cult.ture pod, Derek and Trent sit down with artist, writer, and former Jehovah’s Witness Sean Miller for a raw, grounded, and deeply human conversation about life after high‑control religion. Sean grew up as a born‑in JW, the son of a respected elder, and followed the expected path of baptism at 16, auxiliary pioneering, regular pioneering, ministerial servant. But beneath the surface, he carried a creative drive that the organization repeatedly framed as selfish, dangerous, or worldly. As he puts it in the episode, “Go try to take a passion project and throw it into the creative industry when you’ve been taught you don’t even deserve kindness.” Together, we explore: What it’s like to rediscover your identity after leaving a high‑control group How creativity becomes both a survival tool and a reclamation of self The psychological cost of being an artist in a restrictive religious environment The difference between “what the cult took” and “where we land afterward” Why Sean finally finished his book Novice Enthusiasm — and how this podcast played a role The strange, beautiful ways the universe nudges us forward This conversation is honest, funny, grounded, and refreshingly free of bitterness. It’s about growth, not grievance  and about the creative life that becomes possible once you step outside the boundaries someone else drew for you. If you’ve ever left a high‑control group, struggled with self‑worth, or tried to reclaim your creative voice, this episode will resonate.   Find Sean Here: Website: www.seangregorymiller.com Book: Novice Enthusiasm Socials: Instagram     Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.    
• 32-Blood Doctrine, Programming & Conditional Love | Audrey’s Story 09.05.2026 1h 35min

  Audrey joins Trent and Derek to share her experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness and what ultimately led her to leave in 2025. In this episode, Audrey opens up about the emotional pressure of trying to live a “perfect” life inside the organization, the fear surrounding blood transfusions, purity culture, elder involvement in marriage and sexuality, conditional relationships, and the difficult process of rebuilding life outside the religion. We also explore what it’s like waking up while married to a non-Witness, the emotional pull to return, navigating family dynamics, and learning how to trust yourself after years inside a high-control belief system. Audrey’s story is raw, honest, emotional, and deeply human. If you’ve ever questioned a system of control or struggled with rebuilding your identity after leaving one, this conversation may resonate with you.   Follow Audrey:TikTok: @audrey.breaks.free Instagram: @_audrey_la_latinga_   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 31-Lydia's Story: Approved, Watched, Controlled 25.04.2026 2h 17min

  In this episode, we sit down with Lydia, a former Jehovah’s Witness who grew up in a fourth-generation family deeply rooted in the organization. From a young age, Lydia was seen as “exemplary”, giving talks at assemblies, pioneering, and doing everything expected of her. But beneath the praise was something else: pressure, anxiety, and a growing disconnect from her own identity. We explore what it’s like to grow up performing your worth, the subtle ways control shows up through approval, and how even “good” experiences can carry hidden weight. Lydia shares her journey through waking up, navigating therapy, redefining identity, and processing moments that only later revealed themselves as harmful or inappropriate. This conversation is about more than leaving a belief system.It’s about learning how to think, feel, and choose for yourself for the first time. If you’ve ever questioned your identity, your worth, or the system you were raised in, this one will resonate.   Griswold Creative House   Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 30-Breaking Free from a Catholic Cult: Ryan’s Story 11.04.2026 1h 6min

  Ryan, host of The Truth That Heals, joins us to share his story of growing up Catholic and eventually being pulled into a high-control religious group that claimed legitimacy within the Church. What began as a calling rooted in faith turned into over a decade of control, fear, and psychological manipulation. In this episode, we explore: How spiritual language is used to recruit and control The role of fear, guilt, and “divine calling” What it’s like to live inside a constantly evolving belief system The moment things started to crack And what it takes to finally walk away This is a conversation about identity, autonomy, and the courage to question what you were taught to never doubt.   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.        
• 29-Everything Changed: How Jordan Left a High-Control Religion 28.03.2026 1h 11min

  What happens when you choose yourself… and lose everything? In this episode of cult.ture, Derek is joined by Jordan, a former Jehovah’s Witness who shares his journey of waking up and walking away from a high-control religious system. Jordan opens up about: Growing up in the Jehovah’s Witness organization Struggling with identity and sexuality inside a restrictive belief system The moment everything started to unravel Being shunned by family The emotional reality of “losing” people who are still alive Finding healing, voice, and purpose through sharing his story This conversation explores the deep psychological and emotional impact of leaving high-control groups and what it takes to rebuild your identity on your own terms. If you’ve ever questioned your beliefs, felt the weight of conditional love, or are navigating life after a controlling environment, this episode is for you.   Video LINK discussed on pod     Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 28-Finding Your Life After: Correen Hardin on Leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses 14.03.2026 1h 13min

  In this episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trent sit down with Correen Hardin, author of Best Life After, to explore what life can look like after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses. Correen shares her personal story of growing up inside the religion, the complex process of leaving, and the emotional and psychological realities that follow when someone steps outside a high-control belief system. The conversation explores identity, autonomy, relationships, and the long process of rebuilding a life after religious deconstruction. Rather than focusing only on what people leave behind, this episode looks at what comes next, how people begin rediscovering themselves, creating new meaning, and finding their voice again. This is a thoughtful and honest conversation about belief, identity, and the courage it takes to reclaim your life.   About Our Guest Correen Hardin is the author of Best Life After, a book exploring the journey of rebuilding life after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses. 📖 Best Life Afterhttps://bookshop.org/p/books/best-life-after-correen-r-hardin/2d356d53a1814687 🌐 Websitehttps://corismaly.com/about-the-autho/ 📸 Instagramhttps://instagram.com/444corelyse888 🎵 TikTokhttps://tiktok.com/@444corelyse888     Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 27-A Thousand Tiny Cuts: Patriarchy, Control & the Cost of “God’s Will” 28.02.2026 58min

  On this episode of cult.ture pod we sit down with Katherine Spearing the author of A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery coach, and survivor of the Christian patriarchy movement. Katherine grew up in a world where women were expected to move from the authority of their father to the authority of their husband. College wasn’t encouraged. Autonomy wasn’t modeled. And “God’s will” often ended the conversation before it began. But abuse in high-control systems isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s subtle.Sometimes it’s polite.Sometimes it’s spiritual. In this episode, we explore: The “stay-at-home daughter” movement Patriarchy as a control mechanism Why you can’t argue with God in high-control religion DARVO and the BITE model in action The overlap between evangelicalism and cult dynamics What healing actually looks like after religious trauma Why living a thriving life may be the most powerful response Katherine shares how thousands of small spiritual “paper cuts” can build into something life-threatening and how therapy, community, and autonomy helped her rebuild. If you’ve ever questioned authority…If you were told obedience equals holiness…If your autonomy was framed as rebellion… This conversation is for you.   Connect with Katherine Spearing:https://www.katherinespearing.comInstagramUncertain on SpotifyUncertain on Apple Podcasts About the Book & Publisher:A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts published by Lake Drive BooksLake Drive Books on Instagram Community Resource:Tears of Eden    Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.    
• 26-From Shunning to Rebuilding with Griswold House 14.02.2026 2h 39min

  In this episode, we sit down with McKenzie and Marcell childhood friends who grew up inside Jehovah’s Witnesses, lost each other to shunning, and eventually found their way back to one another after deconstructing. Marcell shares what it was like growing up in poverty, finding “divine” love inside the organization, and fully believing it was the truth even while quietly believing he would die at Armageddon. McKenzie opens up about being raised in a fully immersed family system, marrying young, navigating divorce under Watchtower policy, and the moment she realized she could never treat her own children the way she had been treated. Together, they unpack: • Love bombing and conditional community• Growing up believing you’re never “good enough• Shunning and rebuilding authentic friendship• Patriarchy and being treated like a pawn• COVID wake-ups & the Australian Royal Commission• The fear of Armageddon even when you’re “doing everything right Now, on the other side, they’re building something new through Griswold House, a creative venture rooted in authenticity, agency, and chosen community. Connect with them: Website: https://griswoldhouse.com/Marcell / GriswoldGriswold Creative House (Business)McKenzie (TikTok)   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and TikTok thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 25-Finally Waking Up — Fear, False Prophecy, and Life After 31.01.2026 1h 46min

  Stephanie spent most of her life carrying a fear she didn’t choose. Raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, baptized at just fourteen, and taught from early childhood that the end of the world was “right around the corner,” Stephanie grew up measuring her life in countdowns: 1914, Armageddon, obedience, and survival. Although she physically left the organization in 1998, the fear never left her. It wasn’t until February 19, 2025, nearly three decades later, that something finally cracked. A single social media post. A forbidden word: apostate. And a question she’d never allowed herself to ask. In this episode, Stephanie joins Derek and Trent to share what it’s like to wake up late to realize at fifty years old that your anxiety, your lost opportunities, and your constant guilt were rooted in false prophecy and high-control belief. We talk about: Growing up under the shadow of the 1914 doctrine Being baptized as a minor and the weight of “spiritual contracts” Living physically out but mentally trapped for decades Fear-based obedience and the cost of delayed awakening Grief for a stolen childhood and the courage to reclaim what’s left This conversation is about what fear does to a human beings and what happens when it finally loosens its grip. If you’ve ever felt like it’s “too late” to wake up, this episode is for you.   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 24-Put It on the Shelf: Mormonism, Control, and the Cost of Faith 17.01.2026 1h 5min

  In this episode, we sit down with Amy, who grew up deeply embedded in Mormonism as the daughter of a bishop and mission president. From early-morning seminary and strict behavioral rules to temple rituals that demand lifelong commitments without full consent, Amy shares what it was like to grow up inside a system that quietly governs every part of life from what you drink to how you think. Together, we explore Mormonism through the lens of high-control dynamics: obedience, gender hierarchy, secrecy, “putting doubts on the shelf,” and the emotional cost of being told that happiness comes later in the next life, the next kingdom, the next promise. Amy also speaks candidly about women’s roles in the church, LGBTQ+ exclusion, transactional spirituality, and the slow, painful process of deconstruction not as rebellion, but as self-trust. This episode is about recognizing when belief becomes control and what it takes to reclaim your voice after leaving a high-demand system.    Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 23-Leo’s Conversation — The Body Keeps the Truth 03.01.2026 2h 33min

  Leo grew up Jehovah’s Witness in a home where abuse was happening and being ignored. In this conversation, Leo speaks about what it means to survive when harm is known, authority goes unquestioned, and silence is treated as righteousness. This episode explores: How religious authority can shield abusers What happens when elders “handle it internally” Dissociation, lost memory, and trauma held in the body EMDR therapy and what it means when healing brings truth back This is not a discussion of belief or doctrine.It’s an account of what happens when systems protect harm and the long, uneven work of surviving what was never acknowledged.   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶   Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 22-From Black-and-White to Color with Jamie 20.12.2025 1h 25min

  Jaime joins Derek and Trent to share what it was like growing up Jehovah’s Witness in a divided home never fully belonging in either world, and carrying fear long before she had words for it. Jaime talks about the slow unraveling: raising three kids inside the routine, living under constant self-monitoring, and realizing her children were afraid she might stop speaking to them if they didn’t believe. Even while she still believed, she reached a breaking point because a “paradise” that required leaving her family behind wasn’t love. Her awakening comes in an unexpected place: working in a preschool and teaching three-year-olds basic emotional boundaries, she realizes she’s learning at 39 what she was never allowed to learn. In the middle of a classroom she googles “signs you’re in a cult,” and everything clicks. Now, a few years out, Jaime shares what freedom has actually felt like: therapy, three birthdays, a more connected family life, and the quiet relief of watching a movie without guilt and no apology prayer afterward. She also names what still lingers: the stomach-drop moment of seeing Witnesses “in the wild,” and the echoes of fear that take time to unlearn. Jaime closes with the heart of this episode: her biggest fear came true and on the other side of it, life became better than she ever imagined.   Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 21-Devan's Story: What Survives After the World Doesn’t End 06.12.2025 1h 34min

  In today’s episode of cult.ture, Derek and Trinity sit down with Devan, someone who wasn’t raised in the Jehovah’s Witnesses Faith, but still grew up inside a high-control Christian system that shaped every corner of his childhood. Devan’s early years took place deep in the Oregon woods at an isolated fundamentalist Baptist camp, where his father ran the ministry and his family lived off the land. He was homeschooled, cut off from the world, sleeping above bins of stored grain while his parents prepped for the rapture.As a child he watched end-times films of Christians being executed by guillotine for refusing the mark of the beast, the kind of imagery meant to terrify adults, but handed straight to kids. Love was talked about from the pulpit, but at home it looked like punishment, emotional distance, and an authority that didn’t allow mistakes. As Devan grows older, his world expands: Bible school in England, drifting through hostels in Israel, discovering Christian communities that weren’t ruled by fear. Then the grunge culture of the 90s and a place where he felt both freedom and an easy slide into numbing. A rushed first marriage. Secret drinking. A second marriage he tried desperately to hold together. Shame, guilt, and the feeling that he was constantly performing a version of himself he never chose. Everything shatters in 2012 when Devan, drunk and hopeless, finds himself at the center of a police standoff with 17 officers, a K-9 unit, and a loaded gun. On the pavement, shoulder broken, he prays a single sentence: “God, if you’re real, show me who you are, not who I’ve made you to be.” That moment becomes the beginning of a life rebuilt from the ground up. In this conversation, we talk about: Growing up under fear-based Christianity Being raised for the apocalypse instead of adulthood Isolation, shame, and the rubber-band effect of suppression → rebellion Addiction as a survival strategy when you were never taught to cope The day everything broke and the grace that came after What faith can look like beyond fear, ego, and control And the quiet power of choosing your own life for the first time Whether you’re inside a high-control religion, slowly peeling away, years into healing, or trying to understand someone you love there’s room for you here.   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 20-Agency, At Last: Abby’s Exit From Control 22.11.2025 2h 20min

  Abby’s story moves from love-bombing and baptized hope to grief, coercive control, boundaries, and finally freedom and family. She shares how vulnerability was targeted, why she pursued baptism after trauma, and the cost of “paper-thin comfort” in a doomsday framework. We talk stalking elders, weaponized “good example” theology, and the moment she chose safety over image. Abby also remembers her brother Elijah and how losing him during COVID cracked the last pieces of belief and the wild grace of her son being born on Elijah’s birthday. This one sits with grief, names misogyny, and celebrates reclamation: choosing the present over paradise, boundaries over guilt, and a life she built herself. Themes: religious trauma, love-bombing, coercive control, shunning, boundaries, grief, rebuilding, chosen family, parenting after high-control groups   Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶   Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 19-Above Water: Freedom, Friction, and Finding Your Compass - Dustin Returns 01.11.2025 1h 33min

  Content note: Mentions religious trauma, suicide, and substance use. In the U.S., dial or text 988 for support. Derek and Trinity welcome back Dustin Jetmore for a raw check-in since disassociating from Jehovah’s Witnesses (letter July 4, announcement July 10). We revisit the 2019 Love Never Fails convention, Derek’s last through the moment the veil lifts: choreographed “love,” scripted routes, even restroom control. Derek also shares the day his dad survived a heart event in the stands thanks to a wearable defibrillator vest. Then, life on the surface: “You’re a natural human, you break at natural points, then get reprimanded for it.” Trinity’s metaphor: waking up is breaking the ocean and hitting sunlight then learning to breathe there. Take it back: head high on your own street even when a neighbor invites Janelle to a Sunday talk (and likely counts time). Shunning in a tiny bagel shop (including Dustin’s 13-year-old). Roles after leaving: from hierarchy to partnership; how the head-of-household script breeds chauvinism—and why some narcissists thrived in it. Therapy, triggers, and grounding: meditation/yoga (once “demonic”) now tools—plus the reality that not every tool fits every brain. Mental overload: the spiral of over-processing, decision-fatigue, and learning when to simply shut the brain off without numbing out. Trinity’s sobriety note: sober since April 21, 2023 and learning to live with an always-on mind without alcohol. Firsts without guilt: horror movies, pluralism (10k+ gods; belief shaped by where/when you’re born), and choosing your own lane with an internal compass. After the shock: the candy-room phase (no rules!) → balance and cycles/lulls after a big life high. Shrinking support networks, learning to voice pain, and asking for help. Looking ahead: a 25th anniversary as “free folk,” curiosity as fuel, and the permission to reassess every parameter of life. Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.
• 18-PIMO to POMO: Drag, Therapy, and Saying No with Juan 18.10.2025 1h 14min

  Juan spent years PIMO—Physically In, Mentally Out, performing the part while hiding his truest self. We trace the pressure to baptize, the “bad association” rules that killed sports and friendships, and how family + culture can be weaponized to keep you compliant. Therapy (and the XJW community) gave him language for boundaries and room to say who he is: pansexual, a drag artist, and done pretending. When his parents discovered his drag clothes, everything snapped into focus. He left in a storm, crossed a state line, and celebrated his first night out at an LGBTQ bar. The next morning: a quiet apartment, mattress on the floor, and a new kind of silence, freedom. We talk last-assembly loneliness (“900 people and I’ve never felt so alone”), Noah’s Ark scare tactics, moving out without a goodbye, coping and lows (including cannabis), naming anxiety (Lexapro), finding community, first drag gigs (and the high of stage lights), Halloween joy (trick-or-treating at 23), and why history isn’t anti-queer.Juan’s north star now: keep performing, set real goals (“a dream becomes a goal when you write the steps”), and advocate so other XJWs know they’re not alone.     Support cult.ture pod over on Patreon Follow us on Instagram and thanks for rating us 5 stars 🫶     Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.  
• 17-Growing Beyond the Box with Micah Allen Losh 11.10.2025 1h 48min

  Author–poet Micah Allen Losh (Mentally Diseased, The Apostasy Trilogy) joins Derek for an unflinching look at life inside a doomsday faith and the long road out. Micah reads a poem written during 77 days in jail his first sober stretch in years and traces the journey from a childhood of constant Armageddon fear and being labeled “blood guilty” to the moment he could say: “That person no longer exists.” He shares how his father died loyal to the blood doctrine, how he dissociated at seven giving a Bible reading, and how he was baptized four months after the funeral hoping to get his dad back. When compassion was needed, cruelty answered: an elder dismissed his suicide plan, another spread a false threat rumor, his mother evicted him, and elders told him to “move into a shelter.” A marriage kept secret from in-laws collapsed into binge drinking during a pandemic he feared was Armageddon and even glancing at “apostate” material felt dangerous after years of being told not to trust his own mind. Under a bridge, a line from The Office snapped him awake “The fallacy is that the steamroller decides whether the object is destroyed.” Micah chose to live for his son and publish a book. When an agent vanished, he went DIY: ten self-edits, a lawyer review, an indie editor, and a cover by ex-JW artist Sarah Riches—half boy, half man. He released it on his 40th birthday to reclaim it. A friend’s message stopped a planned suicide; soon after, readers wrote to say his book helped them stop drinking. Micah’s art became a trail of breadcrumbs back to himself his first poem tattooed in his own handwriting, early pieces once rejected by his mother now guiding his rebirth. He purged every symbol of the past, rebuilt his values from zero, and learned that authenticity attracts the right people and repels the wrong. These days, he savors small joys a Halloween movie with his son, a post-book cigar and lives by the belief that strength is kindness. He’s found his tribe, even if it’s a small one and people who connect through shared art, music, and story. One decision to stop self-destructing created a chain of unexpected good: reconnections, creative freedom, and a new sense of peace. Since Mentally Diseased: poetry collection Gangrenous Speeches, a horror allegory, a 99¢ e-book on deconstruction, a children’s book (The Boy Who Loved a Monster), a Witness Underground producer credit, and new fiction including Malachites, a satire built on logical fallacies. He calls high-control life the square-watermelon box growth forced to fit. Leaving that box led to sobriety on his own terms—nearly five years as of Sept 2—and a life built on chosen values and a community of ex-believers determined to be better. Find Micah at MicahAllenLosh.com with links to his books, blog, interviews, Threads, Instagram, TikTok, and active Facebook. Archived Twitter/X content also available.
• 16-Smooth Operator to the New Personality: A solo chat with Mitch 04.10.2025 1h 27min

  Derek sits down for a solo chat with Mitch (@exjdub) an elder’s kid who spent decades performing inside Jehovah’s Witnesses to talk about abuse, denial, power, and the long work of becoming real. For the first time publicly, Mitch shares the abuse he endured, the moment his abuser said “I don’t remember it never happened,” the night he numbed out with a bottle of rum, and why therapy finally helped him name the patterns: chasing control, emotional entanglements, ghosting with the “high of the hunt.” We also get candid about ego and authority in the org (wanting the mic, telling a coordinator “I want to be COBE”), race and belonging across Chicago/Houston → rural Georgia/Atlanta, being an elder’s child, self-reporting/shame cycles, and the ever-moving “generations” goalpost. Mitch shares the grief of losing his sister, choosing not to destabilize his aging parents’ faith, fading on his own terms in Dec 2024 after years of being PIMO, and why accountability not shame changed him. In the back half, Mitch and Derek sit with uncertainty: afterlife, agnostic hope, and Jung’s individuation—the hard work of stripping off programming to find the authentic self. “Sometimes it’s a step forward, two back…but we keep moving.” Find Mitch: @exjdub everywhere  Raw, unpolished, and hopeful—an episode about breaking silence, naming power, and choosing real life.   Disclaimer:The views and experiences shared on cult.ture are personal and based on the lived experiences of the hosts and guests. This podcast is not intended to attack or defame any individual or religious organization or provide therapy. Our aim is to foster honest, empathetic conversations about high-control environments, belief systems, and personal journeys including the long road of healing, questioning, and reclaiming identity. Please be advised that some episodes may contain content that touches on religious trauma, coercive control, emotional or physical abuse, or other potentially triggering topics. We strive to approach these conversations with care, but we acknowledge that certain themes may be difficult to hear. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing distress related to these topics, we encourage seeking support from qualified mental health professionals, spiritual trauma-informed therapists, or trusted recovery communities. You are not alone.