Simon Mayo's Confessions

Epizódy

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  Welcome to the house of fun & other tales 11.09.2026 40min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of chaos, questionable life choices, and very loud studio drinks.Karen takes us back to late-70s school rule rebellion with a changing-room ear‑piercing “side hustle” run by Penny the Piercer… using mum’s sewing pins as the “earrings”.Then Steve relives a painfully awkward trip to Boots in Newquay, where asking for “party poppers” becomes a full-blown Small, Medium or Large misunderstanding.Plus: Joanne’s revenge corned beef hash with a feline twist, and Marina’s spectacular swimming pool disaster involving a glass-topped table, a smashed poolside, and a very quick exit.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Toads in your bed and pepper in your tea & other tales 04.09.2026 46min

  Episode three of Season Eight sees Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective back in the studio for more chaos, coat chat, and questionable decision-making. First: a “guilty and apologetic teacher” (aka Mr Schneebly) reveals how one forgotten gold-plated anniversary pen — and a suit-jacket mix-up mid-interview — may have cost another candidate their dream job… and accidentally won him his. Then Paula takes us to early-90s LA with the “naughty nannies” and a drunken trouser swap that leaves one poor bloke stranded in a loo, later raging for his “pants”. Plus: Sid’s rubber cobra prank on Nan, and James’ local radio “hero” surprise that goes catastrophically wrong in the rain. Got a confession? [email protected]
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  This is the time for action & other tales 28.08.2026 42min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another fresh batch of confessions.Alf takes us to South Africa’s “Valley of a Thousand Hills” for a bit of teenage snake-hunting that ends with a biology master going absolutely white. Boomslang, anyone?Rose fights back against a scamp wrecking the ladies’ loo… with a “grown-ups” magazine placed at eye level, and one very memorable yelp.Plus: a Swiss bake sale accidentally becomes an open bar, and Bob the double bass player recounts 1976 Romania — jeans, Pink Floyd, broken windows, and an international pillow fight.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Right on baby & other tales 21.08.2026 39min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy Collective as Season Eight kicks off — minus Brother Matt, who’s apparently busy in his orangery.First up, a “medical emergency” on a quiet Oxfordshire B-road turns into yet another in-progress game of Cluedo… complete with a horn, a thumbs up, and a very hasty getaway.Then Rob hides in the back of the “wrong” VW Beetle outside a chippy and nearly causes a bus-worthy disaster.Plus: an RAF Hercules engine test blows a captain off his bike, and a Costa Rican orange-knee tarantula prank sparks police panic and a South Wales Echo headline.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Every grain of sand & other tales 31.07.2026 47min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for cassette-tape sabotage, 80s vanity, and a honeymoon story you can’t un-hear. “Timothy” takes revenge on late-night Madonna singalongs by planting a whispered haunting on a Like a Virgin cassette… with consequences that end in a smashed stereo and a house move. Felicity discovers her mulleted boyfriend is “playing Cluedo” and delivers a tiny contact-lens payback before dumping him for good. Plus: Donald’s RAF “orange goo” disaster melts a visitor’s jacket, and Hilary’s Rome honeymoon scallops lead to an unfortunate bidet-towel incident. Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Beach baby & other tales 24.07.2026 44min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Holy collective. We start with a World Cup watch party that turns into the most awkward buffet raid imaginable..Storm Doris exposes “mum and dad time” evidence. Sarah “borrows” her brother’s badly behaved dog on Brancaster beach and denies everything. And we finish with Herb's show off moment, that causes chaos in a local village.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Confessions from the Crypt Special 17.07.2026 27min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for another “Confessions from the Crypt” special — lock the doors and grab your torch.Maria Callas (from Middlesbrough, obviously) reveals how a snowbound dash for the only train to London ended with her welded to Eric Cantona’s chest… Then one anonymous parent admits to a decade-long lie involving their daughter and a microchip.Plus: a birdwatcher’s woodland wee gets captured by a badger camera, and “Brian” accidentally soundtracks a neighbour’s paperwork with some very loud Cluedo.Want your confession on the next podcast - [email protected]
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  There she goes & other tales 10.07.2026 43min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for 80s burger-van feuds, a keyboard prank that goes wildly “professional”, and a revenge plot involving five pounds of fish and three pints of maggots.Ellie relives a small-town grudge match, a school-disco “sex god”, and the moment her arch enemy gets sacked while she keeps very quiet about the free burgers.Plus: Wifey swaps her husband’s keyboard dongles and accidentally broadcasts his online obsession to a colleague.Tony tackles his wife during a rugby lesson (then hits McDonald’s). Then Johnny in the Rockies serves up a Thailand cheating scandal… and may have posted the evidence through the wrong letterbox.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  He’ll have to go & other tales 03.07.2026 40min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for RAF police “Batmobile” patrols that terrorise midnight Cluedo players… and accidentally spotlight the boss.Max relives a 1989 traffic jam, a suspiciously wide-necked Apple-Aid bottle, and a lay-by moment that ends with an unfortunate “gift” for a grateful hitchhiker.Then Jani’s missing neon tetra is found in the worst possible place. Plus: Colin the Carpet Criminal blames silverfish after a DIY electrics plan tears up a brand-new carpet. Got a confession? [email protected]
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  You’ve been, you’ve been thunderstruck & other tales 26.06.2026 37min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for sibling “rugby practice” that ends in A&E, a holiday comeback that goes painfully wrong, a Dolly Parton impression and a truly grim Vaseline mix-up.Nick relives 1984: a beanbag tackle bag, a perfectly executed “chop tackle”, and a sister’s head meeting a handmade doll’s house — followed by a bunk-bed cover story… and stolen cola cubes.Plus: Stephanie tries to thunderstrike her prankster husband, Mr Lloyd double-dips, and Dave’s Dolly Parton watermelon routine has terrible consequences.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  In through the out door & other tales 19.06.2026 43min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for exam cheating in a lucky jumper, a welding lesson that goes catastrophically… south, and a nursing “snapshot” you may not want to hear while eating. First, Homer admits to a very 70s kind of malpractice: smuggling fully-loaded notes into a final exam on official paper and somehow ending up a headteacher. Then apprentice welder Steve hands a gas torch to a hoity-toity naval officer who won’t do her jacket up — cue molten metal, bedlam, and a breakdancing stripper moment. Plus: Emma’s 80s Saturday job prank with “party poppers”, and Susan’s slippery suppository nightmare… Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Oh! This is the greatest show & other tales 12.06.2026 40min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for naked ramblers, dodgy “shampoo”, and a circus moment nobody in grey trousers will ever forget. Jamie and Sara take a sat-nav shortcut straight into a countryside encounter with a group of naturist ramblers — and a hedge full of nettles. Don’t look… but you will. Then Tim rewinds to bath night, 1968: a seven-year-old, an Action Man mission, and a shampoo bottle that leaves Dad and big brother wondering why the “herbs” smell so weird. Plus: Mick nicks go-kart tickets at the school fête and pays for it in broken bones, and Al’s mum becomes the unexpected star of the big top after one too many bottles of juice. Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Hello clouds, hello sky & other tales 05.06.2026 43min

  Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for a police mishap, a fishing adventure, a boarding school caper and a teacher prank. First Joe DiMaggio has an eventful break with his fellow police colleagues involving a broken pool cue. Then Steven’s going on a fishing adventure, but watch out for the fish hooks. Plus: Julie is asking for forgiveness for a prank on a fellow teacher Tristram and Dave has a boarding school adventure involving pirate radio, radioactive interference and the World Cup.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  The wind beneath my wings & other tales 29.05.2026 39min

  Step into the confessional with Father Simon and the Collective for soup-based horror, airborne football crimes, and one truly catastrophic “wind” in an operating theatre.First, a classic from the crypt: Lorraine’s 80s tin-code mix-up leaves a brother eating chicken soup… plus a black, gelatinous blob of mould, followed by two days in hospital that nobody even notices.Then Alf’s military hangover meets bright surgical lights — and a “silent but prolonged” moment that has a surgeon hauling out intestines in search of a hole that isn’t there.Plus: Alistair secretly watches England v Tunisia during take-off and celebrates by waking a baby, and Penelope’s husband repeatedly breaks into the wrong Caribbean hotel room… straight into a naked German.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Don’t go chasing waterfalls & other tales 22.05.2026 45min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for a vintage school-days reckoning, a Wembley fishbone emergency, lockdown jigsaw vengeance, and a fairground waterslide disaster.Nigel relives the wild early-80s logic of collective punishment after a playground scuffle leaves a classmate dangling from a fence — and an innocent kid caught in the mix for reporting stolen trainers.Then Helen’s 1987 FA Cup final is overshadowed by a bone stuck in her throat, a dad who won’t miss the match, and a lifesaving carton of Ribena.Plus: Flora steals one crucial jigsaw piece from her cheating ex, and Rick’s Water Boggan sends a furious passenger out drenched… without the dinghy.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  All day long, all day long on the chaise lounge & other tales 15.05.2026 42min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode full of sibling sabotage, supermarket shame, and the perils of damp underpants.Tim admits to a targeted reign of terror on his little brother. John’s 1999 CFAX football obsession ends in disaster, Richard loses control of some “loose grapes” at Sutton Safeway, and Mike’s sixth-form skinny-dipping leaves a very suspicious puddle in maths.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Put the kettle on and make some tea & other tales 08.05.2026 46min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for another batch of confessions.In a classic from the crypt, a lonely trucker accepts one Guinness too many… then points a hopeful Beryl to entirely the wrong big red lorry.Then it’s Jan’s rabbit escape that ends in an axe, a fingertip flap, and a grandad who chooses bunny retrieval over first aid.Plus: a prison officer’s catastrophic coat-sniffing moment, and a first job interview ruined by dog poo, a blocked loo, and Captain Red Braces.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Hit me with your rhythm stick & other tales 01.05.2026 41min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the collective for a week of blocked sinks, fake hospital letters, and staff training-day chaos.First, Susie’s raspberry-peach smoothie turns into a fermented crime scene that takes out the call-centre kitchenette. Then Jeanette commits peak springtime mischief by forging a hospital letter recommending “Morris dancing therapy” for her grumpy husband’s dodgy knee. Plus, Maurice’s 1966 snow-sculpture disaster, and Stan’s drama-teacher mate who sleepwalks into an unwanted performance.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  It’s all too beautiful & other tales 24.04.2026 45min

  Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective for an episode featuring village newsletters, VHS carnage and a cigarette-based science experiment that absolutely shouldn’t be repeated.First, nine-year-old James “helps” his vicar dad with a community email… Then Rebecca admits she turned a brand-new VHS player into a Hot Wheels garage, and let her little brother take the blame.Plus: Andy’s weapon-grade party-popper cigarettes, and a micro-school teacher with the strangest problem of all.Got a confession? [email protected]
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  Confessions from the Crypt Special 17.04.2026 29min

  Step into the confessional for a special delve into the crypt for this week's episode of Simon Mayo's Confessions! First: a Devon carnival prank goes full folk‑horror when a lovingly crafted coffin is launched into a river… and drifts 20 miles into the local paper. Then a “helpful” son‑in‑law turns “bingo” into “strip club” on his mother‑in‑law’s phone — with an email to a politician as the punchline.Plus: a dad accidentally cosplays as a hotshot surgeon (socks included), and a twin‑buggy wisecrack that haunts a marriage.Got a confession? [email protected]