The Terri Cole Show

835 The 4 Phrases HFCs Say Without Realizing It 02.06.2026 22min

"It's fine." "I got it." "Don't worry about me." "I'll figure it out." If you say one of these without thinking, several times a day, this episode is for you. These are the phrases that keep us stuck in high-functioning codependent behavior, and they sound generous. But there is an invisibility to what we are doing, and a cost. These automatic behaviors are a nervous system response, habituated over years. As high-functioning codependents (HFCs), we react before we think, the moment a problem comes up. Learning to pause is the intervention. That moment before you say I got it is where the work happens, because on autopilot it is hard to change what comes out of your mouth. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/835

834 Better Reproductive Healthcare with Nikki Sapiro Vinckier 28.05.2026 34min

Ever felt ignored, dismissed, or completely rushed by your doctor? In this episode, OB-GYN physician assistant and medical advocate Nikki Sapiro Vincier exposes the systemic flaws inside reproductive healthcare—and shares exactly how you can take control of your medical care today. I sat down with Nikki to unpack the disturbing reality of medical gaslighting, why it takes an average of 7 to 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis, and why "breaking up with your doctor" might actually save your life. Whether you are navigating the gaps in postpartum care, trying to survive perimenopause, or just trying to get a straight answer from your clinician, Nikki provides the ultimate step-by-step guide to triaging your own symptoms, gathering your "receipts," and demanding the care you deserve. It's time to stop passively existing in a system that wasn't built to serve you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/834

833 Why High Functioning Women Don't Know What Their Needs Are, and How to Identify Them 26.05.2026 21min

Do you know what you need? Not what your kids need, or what your partner needs, or what your team at work needs. What you need. In my therapy practice, when I ask high-functioning women what they need for the coming week, many of them either freeze or hand me a list of responsibilities. Things they have to get done. These things are not the same thing. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/833

832 Master Uncertainty with Simone Stolzoff 21.05.2026 33min

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by a major life decision, desperately wishing you just had the right answer? In this episode of the show, I sit down with author and journalist Simone Stolzoff to dive into a topic we all struggle with: our deep aversion to the unknown. Simone shares the inspiration behind his latest book, How to Not Know: The Value of Uncertainty in a World That Demands Answers, and breaks down how our hyper-connected world has ruined our ability to sit with ambiguity. If you're tired of overthinking, catastrophizing, or trying to control the future, this episode is exactly what you need to expand your window of tolerance and reclaim your peace. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/832

831 How to Manage Anxiety in Anxious Times (And What to Look at First) 19.05.2026 21min

For the past six months, people have been asking me to do an episode on managing anxiety. We are living in genuinely anxious times, and the real things to be anxious about are not in short supply. So here it is. For me, anxiety feels like unease. Like I am forgetting something. Like something is wrong, even when I cannot point to what it is. I have noticed a clear uptick in clients describing this lately, too. Difficulty sleeping, intrusive thoughts, a body that cannot relax, the sense of panic gathering. This is anxiety that interferes with daily life and makes it difficult, or even impossible, to do the things we want to do. If this is you, you are not alone, and there are things that help. Read the show notes for today's episode terricole.com/831

830 Optimize Your Mental Health with Dr. Paul Conti 14.05.2026 39min

This conversation with the incredible Dr. Paul Conti changed how I look at mental health. We've all been taught that we're driven by aggression or pleasure—but Paul reveals there is a third "Generative Drive" that is the actual key to our wellness. In this episode, we dive deep into his new book, What's Going Right. We talk about why we are so "lost" in negativity, how to move past the stigma of mental health, and the practical "self-inquiry" tools you can use to pull your unconscious patterns out of the "basement" and into the light. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/830

829 The Daughters Who Grew Up Taking Care of Their Mothers (And What It Costs Them as Adults) 12.05.2026 21min

Most little girls grow up being cared for by their mothers. Some little girls grow up caring for their mothers. This episode is for the second group. We are talking about parentified daughters. What it means, why it happens, and how it may still be impacting your life now. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/829

828 Choosing Friendships That Help Us Grow with Alex Elle 07.05.2026 44min

I've always said that our relationships are the mirrors of our internal world, but what happens when you realize a friendship has reached its expiration date? In this episode, I'm joined by the incredible Alex Elle (New York Times bestselling author of The Company We Keep) to dive deep into the "taboo" side of friendship. We're talking about why it's okay to outgrow people, how to handle that "visceral" feeling of misalignment, and why some of our most sacred bonds are actually voluntary. If you've ever felt like you're walking on eggshells with a friend or struggling with the guilt of moving on, this conversation is for you. We're curing the "disease to please" and learning how to cultivate a VIP section that actually feels safe. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/828

827 Why Women Don't Talk About Their Mothers (And What It Costs Them) 05.05.2026 20min

We talk about everything now. Trauma, therapy, childhood, the things that happened to us, and the things we are still working through. Almost everything is fair game. Except this one. When the relationship with your mother is a painful one, the cultural agreement is that you keep it to yourself. On today's episode, I'm sharing why that's a bad idea and what you can do to break the taboo. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/827

826 Stop Overthinking + Calm Your Body with Jessica Ortner 30.04.2026 32min

Struggling with anxiety or overthinking? Learn the science of EFT Tapping for instant stress relief and nervous system regulation. In this episode, I'm joined by New York Times bestselling author Jessica Ortner to dive into her brand-new book, Rewired. Jessica reveals the science behind EFT Tapping and how it can literally lower your cortisol by 43% in minutes. We explore why your brain gets "stuck" in loops of overthinking and how to send a signal of safety to your nervous system so you can finally feel at ease. Whether you're struggling with self-sabotage, boundary-setting, or parenting anxiety, Jessica's approach is a total game-changer. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/826

825 What a Mean Mother Leaves Behind (And How to Heal It) 28.04.2026 21min

If you had a mean or rejecting mother, you probably learned early not to talk about it. People don't want to believe it. They say things like "you only have one mother" or "she did her best," and suddenly you're defending your own experience to someone who can't imagine having it. That isolation is often the first wound. This episode continues the mother wound conversation from last week. While every story is different, there are patterns I've seen consistently across almost 30 years of clinical work with daughters of mean and rejecting mothers. Here's what the research and the therapy room both show. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/825

824 Boundaries for Family Drama with Ashley Oerman 23.04.2026 32min

Is it possible to heal when the person who raised you continues to cause chaos? In this episode, Terri sits down with journalist and editor Ashley Oerman to dismantle the stigma surrounding toxic family dynamics. Following the viral conversation sparked by recent national debates on family estrangement, they dive into the heart of a question many struggle with: Do you have to go "No Contact," or is "Low Contact" a viable path to peace? From her "origin story" in therapy to the realization that her social anxiety was a symptom of a deeper family wound, Ashley offers a roadmap for anyone grieving the relationship they never had. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/824

823 The Seven Mother Types and the Adults They Create 21.04.2026 23min

Have you ever wondered if your relationship with your mother was normal? Or noticed patterns in your adult relationships and traced them back to something that happened long before you had words for it? Mother-daughter relationships can be among the most complicated we ever have. Whether the dynamic between you was loving, painful, confusing, or somewhere in between, it impacted you. After almost 30 years as a clinician, I've seen seven recurring archetypes, and that's what this episode covers: what each one looks like, and the lasting impact it can have on your adult life. One thing before we start. Mother here means whoever raised you. It could be a grandmother, an older sibling, or an aunt. What matters is the dynamic, not the biology. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/823 Find my mother wound course at terricole.com/motherwound

822 Become a Love Magnet with Dr. Morgan Anderson 16.04.2026 35min

Is the "Male Loneliness Epidemic" actually a human connection crisis? I'm sitting down with clinical psychologist Dr. Morgan Anderson to break down why avoidant attachment is skyrocketing and how we can rebel against a system that keeps us isolated. In this episode, Dr. Morgan shares her personal journey from "relational trauma" to becoming a secure attachment expert. We dive deep into the rising trend of AI partners, why "over-functioning" is killing your joy, and the radical power of becoming a "Love Scientist." Whether you're navigating the apps or trying to heal a long-term partnership, this conversation is your roadmap to secure, high-IQ love. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/822

821 The Three Lives You Could Be Living (And How to Design Them) 14.04.2026 21min

Vic and I were watching a Richard Feynman lecture on YouTube recently, one of those deep dives into time, space, and quantum physics that makes your brain hurt in the best way. What struck me wasn't the physics. It was something underneath it, about how much we love certainty, how hard our minds work to manufacture it even where it doesn't exist, and how that love of certainty quietly limits what we allow ourselves to imagine as possible. That's what today's episode is about. Most of us spend a lot of energy trying to get one life right. The perfect career, the right relationship, the path that doesn't disappoint anyone. And underneath all that effort is anxiety, because if there's only one right choice, the margin for error feels very small. The Odyssey Plan, which comes out of the Designing Your Life program at Stanford University, starts from an entirely different premise. There isn't just one life that's right for you. There are multiple versions that could make you happy, fulfilled, and aligned. The exercise doesn't ask you to blow up your life or make any decisions at all. It asks you to expand what you allow yourself to see as possible. That's it. Just that. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/821

820 From Anxious to Secure Attachment with Trevor Hanson 09.04.2026 36min

Whether you struggle with the fear of abandonment or you tend to shut down when things get close, this conversation is for you. In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Trevor Hansen to discuss why so many of us get stuck in the attachment style "research phase" and how to actually rewire your brain for secure attachment. We dive deep into the "origin stories" that drive our adult behaviors, the hidden link between anxious and avoidant styles, and a powerful "voice note" tool you can start using today to meet your own unmet needs. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/820

819 Auto-Accommodating Is Costing You More Than You Think. Here's How to Stop. 07.04.2026 23min

Do you say yes before checking your calendar? Jump in to fix problems that aren't yours to solve? Adjust your plans without a second thought to keep the peace? If any of this sounds familiar, you might be an auto-accommodator. And trust me, it's costing you more than you realize. About two years ago, I shared a story about auto-accommodating that struck a nerve with so many of you. The response was immediate and overwhelming – it went viral because people finally had a name for this reflexive pattern they'd been living with for years. In this week's episode of The Terri Cole Show, I'm diving deeper into auto-accommodating – what it is, why we do it, and most importantly, how to stop. This isn't about breaking a bad habit. We're talking about shifting a deeply ingrained behavioral pattern that silently influences your relationships, stress levels, resentment, and sense of self. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/819

818 Inside the Mind of a Master Storyteller with Tom Fontana 02.04.2026 36min

How does a 3-time Emmy winner create the most psychologically complex characters in TV history? Join me and the legendary Tom Fontana, showrunner of many series including "Oz" and "Homicide: Life on the Street" as we deconstruct the creative process, storytelling, and the human psyche. In this episode, we dive deep into the "Origin Story" of a master storyteller. Tom shares his unique 3-part framework for building three-dimensional characters and explains why everyone has a story they are dying to tell—if only someone would ask. If you've ever felt "stuck" in your creative journey or want to understand the moral complexity behind groundbreaking dramas like Netflix's Borgia or Saint Elsewhere, this conversation is for you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/818

817 You Were Born Worthy. So Why Doesn't It Feel That Way? 31.03.2026 22min

Someone from our community recently sent me an email. She didn't understand why she had low self-worth, and she wanted to know if it was something she could change as an adult. The answer is a resounding YES. We're going to cover how low self-worth develops, what it looks like when it's running in the background of your life, and what you can do to build something more solid, because building more self-worth requires practice. Let's start with the premise that we are all born worthy. Simply by virtue of being alive. The work is figuring out what got in the way of that, and how to come back to it. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/817

816 From Manuscript to Market: Writing a Book That Sells with my Editor Joelle Hann 26.03.2026 37min

Do you have a book in you, waiting to be written? Or are you just curious what a developmental editor actually does for an author? To answer those questions, I invited an extra-special guest on the Terri Cole Show: The editor I work with on my very own books, Joelle Hann. We chat about how Joelle has become such a precious part of my book-writing team, how she got her start as a developmental editor, and the growth process authors go through as they face the daunting task of finishing their first books! If you're working on a book and are ready to make it happen, apply to Book Proposal Academy [https://brooklynbookdoctor.com/bpa-tc-show/]. Joelle will personally take a closer look at your book idea and discuss your next best steps! The next cohort starts on April 17th. Read the show notes at terricole.com/816