Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem. 12.08.2026 20min

Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not a great one. In this mailbag episode of Sorry, I Missed This, host Cate Osborn is digging into questions from our Understood Facebook group Our amazing listeners wrote in (and had the chance to win a copy of Cate’s new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults). In this episode Cate tackles questions like how to share a new ADHD diagnosis with friends and family, how to wade through the swamp of ADHD motivation, why our ADHD brains LOVE to argue, and more. Check it out!

Why money fights are never really about money 28.07.2026 33min

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about. Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove, a financial therapist who specializes in ADHD, to unpack why money fights escalate so fast, why who’s the “mental load carrier” matters more than who earns more, and why people with ADHD often give better financial advice to their friends than they follow themselves. Christine breaks down the concept of “money meaning” — the idea that when couples fight about spending, they’re rarely fighting about the actual dollars. They discuss financial self-efficacy, the five types of couple coping (and which ones actually work), and why body doubling might be the most underrated financial tool for ADHD brains. Cate also opens up about her own history with compulsive spending, debt, and the shame that kept her from asking for help — and what finally changed. If you’ve ever felt “bad with money” or avoided opening an app because of what you might see, this episode is for you.

Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships 14.07.2026 30min

Ever feel like you’re the “parent” in your relationship — managing everything while your partner just... coasts? You’re not alone. And it’s not just you being controlling. Host Cate Osborn talks with ADHD coach Kristen Carder (host of I Have ADHD, author of the upcoming You’re Not in Trouble) about why ADHD relationships so easily slide into parent-child dynamics, and how to climb back out. They get into why resentment is the red flag to watch for, and Kristen’s favorite mantra for “de-centering” an overfunctioning partner (“there is no sun — we’re equals here”). Plus eldest daughter syndrome, and why chicken nuggets for dinner is sometimes the healthiest choice you’ll make all day. Honest, funny, and genuinely useful if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re parenting your partner instead of loving them.

ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails 30.06.2026 24min

Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder? Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore. They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems. If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.

Why good sex can make your ADHD brain spiral 16.06.2026 25min

Do you feel almost manic after really good sex — craving more, making impulsive decisions, fixating on the next time? In this episode of Reddit reactions, Cate and Jessamine tackle five real Reddit posts from ADHD women. Digging into some seriously NSFW posts, they look at why some people with ADHD never feel spontaneous sexual attraction — and why that might be about “out of sight, out of mind.” Also… The orgasm pressure problem: When a partner’s need for reassurance after sex gets in the way of intimacy. The sex countdown: The anxiety loop that starts the moment sex ends (“It’s been X days”). And how scheduling intimacy (not sex specifically) can interrupt it. Hyperfixation and libido: Does getting obsessively into a show, book, or research topic actually raise your sex drive? Real Reddit questions, really good answers.

Why neurodivergent women can’t stop reading smut and romantasy 02.06.2026 18min

Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason? Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit romance, audio erotica — all of it. In this episode, she explains why the ADHD brain is uniquely drawn to literary erotica, how smut raises the arousal threshold enough to sustain focus, and why neurodivergent women are using it for everything from processing emotional vulnerability to getting through household chores.

ADHD, AuDHD, and self-diagnosis: Is it valid? 19.05.2026 21min

Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to good information. Cate and Dr. Kilmer dig into what really happens when people research their own neurodivergence. They discuss research analyzing 452,000 Reddit posts that found self-diagnosed individuals seek more social validation. But they benefit less from it. They cover what actually happens in a clinical ADHD assessment and how comorbidities like anxiety, depression, and OCD complicate the picture. And they discuss why the question “Is self-diagnosis valid?” misses the point when getting a formal diagnosis is a privilege that many can’t access.

Why ADHD makes decluttering so hard (and how to fix it) 05.05.2026 30min

If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples issue, and why community might be the most underrated tool of all.

How online community is saving (and breaking) my ADHD brain 21.04.2026 24min

Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria and miscommunication, object permanence with people, time blindness in relationships — and why online community can be genuinely life-saving. Plus: the great voice memo debate, and why your calendar reminder system for friends is not sociopathic.

Writing the ADHD guide we wish we'd had 07.04.2026 18min

What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD? Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to unpack five years of starts, stops, and persistence. They get into taking advantage of accessibility options and overcoming the shame of looming, unfinished projects to get this one done.

ADHD gaslighting and chasing new relationship energy (Reddit Reactions) 24.03.2026 22min

As we know, Reddit is full of messy love stories, and we have thoughts. From gaslighting and age gaps to the weird magic of “new relationship energy,” we read posts that make us laugh, cringe, and wonder — can memory be used as a weapon in a relationship?

When ADHD turns chores into conflict 10.03.2026 23min

Division of labor between partners isn’t easy for anyone. Add ADHD and suddenly dishes come with shame. Trash becomes a crisis. And rest starts to feel sketchy. Cate sits down with KC Davis to unpack the messy, deeply human reality of sharing work at home. They talk about resentment, perfectionism, time blindness, trust, and why keeping score almost never fixes anything.

Decisions, decisions: ADHD and the trap of analysis paralysis 24.02.2026 20min

Have you ever stayed up all night replaying a meeting in your head? Or obsessed over an email? Or questioned every instinct you have? If making decisions feels like a full-time job, this one’s for you! We’re talking with Dr. Mark Schrime, a surgeon with a PhD in the science of decision-making. Hear about the exhausting cycle of analysis paralysis, second-guessing, and decision fatigue that’s a reality for many people with ADHD.

How menopause and hormones impact ADHD symptoms in women 10.02.2026 19min

If your ADHD symptoms seem to have leveled up out of nowhere, you’re not losing it. Hormones play a much bigger role in ADHD than most of us understand, especially during perimenopause and menopause. Today, we’re chatting with licensed counselor Mandi Dixon about why focus, memory, sleep, and emotional regulation can suddenly fall apart in your 40s. We also dig into why ADHD meds may stop working the way you’re used to — and what actually helps when carefully built systems stop cooperating.

Stuck in your head? ADHD, overthinking, and getting “unstuck” 27.01.2026 31min

Ever catch yourself spiraling over a decision and feeling like your brain won’t stop replaying every possible “what if”? Dr. J is joining us to talk about rumination, overthinking, and getting caught in a mood spiral as a woman with ADHD. We’re breaking down why we get stuck and practical ways to interrupt those thought loops.

When ADHD mistakes spiral and resentment hits (Reddit Reactions) 13.01.2026 19min

When ADHD overwhelm hits, it’s usually not because of one big event. It’s the work project and your kid’s school play and the relationship thing and everyone is out of clean socks... and now you’re caught in a spiral of OMG. Today, Cate and our fabulous producer, Jessamine, dig into Reddit stories about work screw-ups, panic lying, and how pattern recognition can quietly turn everyday moments into emotional flashpoints in relationships. What actually can stop that spiral?

Sensory overload in intimacy and the ADHD hyperfocus spiral (Listener Q&A!) 16.12.2025 19min

In this listener Q&A, Cate tackles two wildly relatable ADHD questions: sudden sensory discomfort during intimacy, and the maddening cycle of not being able to start a task… then not being able to stop. From sensory overload and burnout to hyperfocus, momentum anxiety, and emotional regulation, Cate breaks down what’s going on and how to navigate it without losing it. Thanks to our listeners for these deeply ADHD-coded questions! Keep ’em coming.

Weaponized incompetence and other ADHD “crimes” (Reddit Reactions) 02.12.2025 16min

We’re back with another spicy Reddit Reactions episode! This week, we dive into two wildly relatable ADHD relationship posts: one about a partner claiming “you lost your sparkle” (eye roll), and another spiraling over chores, shame, and new-job burnout. We unpack toxic dynamics, people-pleasing, clutter blindness, and why you’re not weaponizing incompetence.

ADHD impulsivity and saying yes to sex too fast 18.11.2025 31min

Ever said yes to sex a little too fast and regretted it later? Same. Today we’re joined by psychologist and Understood Expert Dr. Ari Tuckman for a candid talk about impulsivity, ADHD, and intimacy. We’ll dig into the messy mix of consent, shame, and emotional regulation. And we’ll talk about how to slow down, stay curious, and find self-compassion after a spicy decision.

ADHD, disordered eating, and getting through the holidays 04.11.2025 29min

The holidays are here — and so is all the food, family, and sensory overload that can come with them. Host Cate Osborn sits down with Aleta Storch, dietitian, nutritionist, ADHD expert, and founder of Wise Heart Nutrition, to talk about food and ADHD. They cover what disordered eating looks like (and how it’s different from a diagnosed eating disorder), why sensory sensitivities can make meals stressful, and what it’s like not to be believed when you say you don’t want to eat something. Plus, the dopamine rush of holiday treats — and how to navigate it all with more compassion and understanding. (Note: This episode does not dive deeply into diagnosed eating disorders — we’ll have another episode in the future focused entirely on that topic.)