Talking Your Way to Change: A Mental Health and Psychology Podcast

Epizode

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  #88 Motivation and the Self: Who We Think We Are Shapes What We Do 19.08.2026 36min

  This is the 4th Episode in a Self Series: Motivation and the Self: How Who I Am Influences What I DoEpisode #1: Answering the Question Who am I? What is Your Self-Concept Episode #2: The Self-Concept is Dynamic Episode #3: The Secret to Psychological Freedom: Strengthening the Part of You That Knows This episode explores how self-concept, possible selves, and motivation work together in a way that is more practical than abstract. The core idea is simple but powerful: changing behavior is often less about “wanting it badly enough” and more about how clearly you can imagine who you are becoming. Xan walks through the psychology of hoped-for selves, feared selves, and the gap between current behavior and future standards. The result is a clear framework for understanding why motivation sometimes moves us forward, and why it sometimes pushes us into avoidance instead. In this episode: motivation is defined as the process that energizes, directs, and sustains behavior toward or away from outcomes.self-concept is not fixed - different parts of identity become more accessible depending on context, role, and relationship. possible selves, introduced by Hazel Markus and Paula Nurius, include hoped-for selves, expected selves, and feared selves.I imagining a healthy future self works best when it includes not just appearance, but behavior - what that person does on an ordinary Tuesday. one mechanism for change is cognitive accessibility - behaviors linked to a future self may become more likely to enter consideration.the gap between current self and desired self can create motivation, but only when the gap feels workable.when the gap feels too large, people may avoid the comparison instead of trying to close it - through scrolling, procrastination, drinking, or withdrawal.feared possible selves can motivate change, but if they start to feel inevitable, shame and hopelessness can take over. sometimes people are pulled between two feared futures at once, such as staying in a harmful situation or leaving and facing another risk.identity is not only shaped by what we believe about ourselves - repeated behavior also feeds back into self-concept, like “votes” for the person we are becoming.00:00 - What healthy change actually looks like 00:46 - Why imagining a future self is not enough 01:43 - How future behaviors become mentally available 03:09 - Describe an ordinary Tuesday, not just an ideal image 03:53 - When the gap between selves becomes a motivator 06:20 - Why visualization alone rarely changes behavior 07:17 - A “recipe” for the behaviors of a future self 10:02 - When the feared future starts to feel inevitable 11:26 - Ideal self, ought self, and possible self 14:06 - Who created the standard you are chasing? 15:21 - Holding ambition and limitation at the same time 18:06 - Motivation without making outcomes the whole identity 20:25 - Behavior as evidence for identity 23:46 - Questions to ask when motivation is stuck 25:12 - Becoming someone, not just accomplishing somethingMarkus, H., & Nurius, P. (1986). Possible selves. American Psychologist, 41(9), 954–969. VanDellen, M. R., & Hoyle, R. H. (2008). Possible selves as behavioral standards in self-regulation. Self and Identity, 7(3), 295–304. Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review, 94(3), 319–340. Oyserman, D. (2009). Identity-based motivation: Implications for action-readiness, procedural-readiness, and consumer behavior. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19(3), 250–260. Oyserman, D., & Destin, M. (2010). Identity-based motivation: Implications for intervention. The Counseling Psychologist, 38(7), 1001–1043. Additional resource discussedClear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery. I'd list this under something like 
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  #87 The Secret to Psychological Freedom: Strengthening the Part of You That Knows 31.07.2026 18min

  In this episode of Talking Your Way to Change, Dr. Xan Banker dives deep into the fascinating nature of self-awareness, emphasizing how our ability to observe and reflect on ourselves is uniquely human and vital for growth and resilience. If you've ever wondered how we develop a sense of self, or how therapy helps us expand our inner awareness, this episode offers clear insights grounded in psychology, philosophy, and everyday experience.The dual role of the self as both the experiencer and the observer, a concept introduced over 130 years ago by William James.How the capacity to step outside our immediate experiences enables self-regulation, emotional intelligence, and intentional change.The development of self-awareness through early attachments, shared engagement, and intersubjectivity, highlighting the importance of relationships.The therapeutic process of strengthening the "knower" within us to better respond rather than react to life's challenges.Practical examples, including the analogy of running, illustrating how shifting perspective helps tolerate discomfort and fosters growth.00:00 - Introduction to the theme: The human gift of self-awareness and reflection00:40 - The extraordinary part of being human: Observing your own reactions and emotions01:11 - The evolution of understanding the self: William James and the dual aspects of self02:06 - The importance of reflection: Why experiencing emotions alone is limited02:34 - The two functions of the mind: Experience and observation03:25 - The self as both the knower and the known: Building a sense of identity over time04:21 - The role of the observing self: Self-awareness, self-control, and regulation05:20 - How therapy enhances the capacity to know oneself: Insight and intentionality06:14 - The social roots of self-knowledge: Early attachment and shared engagement07:33 - The process of intersubjectivity: Learning about ourselves through others08:55 - The role of relationships in shaping self-awareness and identity**09:49 - How therapy borrows and then develops the capacity to observe ourselves**10:34 - The power of the shared space of intersubjectivity: Therapy as a mirror11:12 - Respond vs react: The freedom gained from self-awareness11:20 - A personal story illustrating the knower and known in running**13:10 - Contextualizing discomfort: The example of running and psychological flexibility14:34 - Moving between streams of awareness: The back-seat observer15:58 - How strengthening the reflective self leads to resilience and change**16:57 - Final thoughts: The human capacity for curiosity, choice, and growthReferencesBateman, A., & Fonagy, P. (2016). Mentalization-based treatment for personality disorders: A practical guide. Oxford University Press.Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.Fonagy, P., Gergely, G., Jurist, E. L., & Target, M. (2002). Affect regulation, mentalization, and the development of the self. Other Press.James, W. (1890). The principles of psychology (Vols. 1–2). Henry Holt. https://doi.org/10.1037/10538-000Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion.Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2018). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.Sterba, R. (1934). The fate of the ego in analytic therapy. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 15, 117–126.Stern, D. N. (1985). The interpersonal world of the infant: A view from psychoanalysis and developmental psychology. Basic Books.Stern, D. N. (2004). The present moment in psychotherapy and everyday life. W. W. Norton.Trevarthen, C., & Aitken, K. J. (2001). Infant intersubjectivity: Research, theory, and clinical applications. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 42(1), 3–48.
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  #86 The Self Doesn't Just Describe Who You Are—It Shapes How You Experience the World 14.07.2026 21min

  #85 The Self as a Dynamic System: Understanding the Many Versions WithinThis episode explores how the self is more than static qualities; it is an active, ever-changing psychological system. By unraveling the layers of self-concept, self-processes, and the different versions of ourselves, we gain tools for healthier self-management and deeper self-awareness—crucial for both personal growth and effective therapy.The self is like a river—always changing, yet maintaining enough continuity that we still recognize it as the same river. Psychologists developed the schema theory to explain how we interpret new experiences based on existing mental templates about ourselves.The concept of the working self is a subset of self-concept activated by circumstances and relationships.Different relationships activate different “working selves,” influencing behavior and emotional states.The idea of possible selves (actual, ideal, ought, and feared selves) highlights how perceptions of these versions can lead to discouragement or motivation.Problems often arise when these self-versions diverge significantly, creating gaps that foster feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, or stagnation.External influences and social comparisons often distort our perception of what is truly healthy or attainable.Therapy helps individuals differentiate and internalize healthier self-processes, moving from external regulation to internal resilience.The episode foreshadows a deeper exploration of the self’s observer—what it is that notices these various selves and thoughts.00:00 - Introduction to the self as a dynamic system 00:28 - The metaphor of the river and constant change 00:55 - Self-concept as content versus active system 1:24 - Behavior regulation and self-processes 2:24 - Schema theory and self-interpretation 2:54 - Impact of self-schemas on perception and emotion 3:23 - How different self-views influence reactions and feelings 3:50 - Self-esteem and therapy beyond mere validation 4:20 - Changing how we relate to our existing self 5:04 - The role of therapeutic relationships in shifting self-processes 6:11 - Activation of different working selves in relationships 7:07 - How therapy changes symptom expression through self-concept 8:04 - Multiple versions of the self: actual, ideal, and possible selves 9:34 - Risks of divergence between current and ideal self 10:04 - Living in the gap creates discouragement or living from obligation 11:28 - Cultural influences and the deception of perceived perfection 12:45 - Risks of risky behaviors as emotional regulation 13:43 -self & personal values 14:09 - Therapy as a journey away from feared selves toward healthier ones 15:06 - The ultimate question: Who is the observer of these selves?References Higgins, E. T. (1987). Self-discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review, 94(3), 319–340.Fiske, S. T., & Taylor, S. E. (2021). Social Cognition (4th ed.).Leary, M. R. (2004). The Curse of the Self.Leary, M. R., & Tangney, J. P. (2012). Handbook of Self and Identity (2nd ed.).Markus, H. (1977). Self-schemata and processing information about the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35(2), 63–78.Markus, H., & Wurf, E. (1987). The dynamic self-concept: A social psychological perspective. Annual Review of Psychology, 38, 299–337.Markus, H., & Nurius, P. (1986). Possible selves. American Psychologist, 41(9), 954–969.Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory.Fonagy, P., Gergely, G., Jurist, E. L., & Target, M. (2002). Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and the Development of the Self.Key insights from the episode:Timestamps:This episode leaves us pondering the vital role of self-awareness—the ability to observe our myriad selves without becoming identified with any single version. The next step? Exploring the distinction between the self that is known and the self that does the knowing, unlocking a deeper layer of understanding of consciousness itself. 
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  #85 Who Are You? Exploring the Layers of Self-Identity 01.07.2026 25min

  This episode explores the concept of self-identity, how it shapes our lives, and how understanding our self-concept can lead to greater resilience and self-awareness. Dr. Xan Banker guides listeners through reflective exercises and psychological insights to deepen self-understanding. It is the first in a series "What is the Self?" Keywordsself-identity, self-concept, psychology, resilience, self-awareness, mental health, personal growthKey TopicsThe difference between self-concept and self-esteemHow roles and relationships shape identityThe internal and external aspects of selfPsychological exercises to explore self-identityCultural influences on self-perceptionThe dynamic nature of the self like a riverThe impact of role loss on self-identityUnderstanding different selves: actual, ideal, fearedThe active role of self-concept in organizing experiencePractical steps to expand and strengthen self-identityChapters00:00 Understanding the Self: The Many Versions Within22:18 The River of Self-Concept: Change and Continuity24:04 Introduction to the Podcast24:35 Disclaimer on Mental Health Topics
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  #84 Why You Struggle to Set Boundaries (Even When You Know Exactly What to Say) 02.06.2026 35min

  SummaryThis episode explores the complex nature of boundaries from a psychodynamic and mentalizing perspective, emphasizing internal processes, common mistakes, and practical insights for setting healthy boundaries.Keywordsboundaries, mentalization, psychodynamic, self-protection, relationships, emotional safety, boundary setting, internal processesKey TopicsThe internal experience of boundary settingCommon mistakes in boundary settingThe role of mentalization in boundariesChapters00:00 Understanding Boundaries in Modern Culture10:36 The Challenge of Setting Boundaries16:32 Internal Conflicts and Boundary Struggles20:55 Understanding Boundaries in Caregiving23:39 Defining Boundaries: What They Are and Aren't26:29 Common Mistakes in Setting Boundaries31:14 Understanding Boundaries and Certainty32:58 Compassion vs. Tolerance in Relationships
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  #83 Social Anxiety: A Smaller World and a Crowded Mind 27.04.2026 15min

  In this episode, Dr. Banker breaks down social anxiety beyond stereotypes—exploring what it truly looks like, how it forms, and what healing entails. Whether you struggle with it or want to understand someone who does, you'll come away with clarity about this often-misunderstood condition and practical insights for growth.Key topics covered:Treating social anxiety doesn't mean becoming loud or overly extroverted; it’s about building a new relationship with discomfortThe importance of gradual exposure and self-acceptance in healing social anxietyHow social anxiety can be hidden behind phrases like "I'm just shy" or "I'm introverted"The core fear of social evaluation and how it manifests physically and psychologicallyDifferences between social anxiety, shyness, and introversionThe hidden costs of social anxiety, such as shrinking opportunities for self-esteem and connectionThe role of avoidance and the importance of honest reflection to discern between preference and fear-based behaviorThe impact of alcohol as a short-term social lubricant and its long-term risksHow hyper-focus on social judgment exacerbates anxiety and misinterprets neutral cuesTimestamps:00:00 - What does healing from social anxiety really mean?00:30 - Building a relationship with discomfort and embracing imperfection01:00 - Self-acceptance and moving towards your ideal life01:28 - Social anxiety as a response to nervous system overanalysis02:03 - The physical symptoms and internal monitoring in social anxiety02:28 - Why social anxiety often goes unnoticed despite high functionality03:19 - Normalizing avoidance and the distinction from shyness and introversion03:58 - The core fear: negative evaluation and how it drives behavior04:39 - The physiological feedback loop in social anxiety05:05 - Why some people normalize their social fears as part of who they are06:00 - The difference between shyness, introversion, and social anxiety07:00 - How social anxiety affects self-esteem and personal growth08:28 - The hidden costs of social anxiety, including avoidance and reliance on alcohol09:24 - The exhausting cycle of hyper-focused social perception10:02 - The risks of alcohol use to temporarily mask social fears11:29 - The importance of stopping assumptions about social cues and judgments11:53 - How neutral social moments are often personalized by anxious minds12:21 - The goal: stop assuming every social cue is a verdict on your worthClark, D. M., & Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R. G. Heimberg, M. R. Liebowitz, D. A. Hope, & F. R. Schneier (Eds.), Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment (pp. 69–93). Guilford Press.Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193–209. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313Heimberg, R. G. (2002). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Current status and future directions. Biological Psychiatry, 51(1), 101–108. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0006-3223(01)01183-0Rapee, R. M., & Heimberg, R. G. (1997). A cognitive-behavioral model of anxiety in social phobia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 35(8), 741–756. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(97)00022-3Moscovitch, D. A. (2009). What is the core fear in social phobia? A new model to facilitate individualized case conceptualization and treatment. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 16(2), 123–134. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2008.04.002Hope, D. A., Heimberg, R. G., & Turk, C. L. (2010). Managing social anxiety: A cognitive-behavioral therapy approach (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. Crown Publishers.Hanh, T. N. (2015). Silence: The power of quiet in a world full of noise. HarperOne.
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  #82 “Where Did My Anxiety Come From… and Does It Even Matter?” 06.04.2026 18min

  This episode explores the nuanced understanding of anxiety, emphasizing the importance of identifying its root causes—biological, psychological, environmental, relational, and learned patterns—to enhance healing and reduce shame. Listen to hear why your anxiety isn’t just personal failure — it’s learned patterns we can change Chapters00:00 Understanding Anxiety: The Why Behind the Feelings05:45 The Five Categories of Anxiety08:52 The Importance of Understanding Patterns09:20 Case Study: Social Anxiety and Its Roots12:43 Case Study: The Impact of Frequent Moves16:31 Clinical Takeaways: Treating Patterns, Not SymptomsReferencesBandelow, B., & Michaelis, S. (2015). Epidemiology of anxiety disorders in the 21st century. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 17(3), 327–335. Clauss, J. A., & Blackford, J. U. (2012). Behavioral inhibition and risk for anxiety disorders. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 51(10), 1066–1075.Craske, M. G., et al. (2017). Anxiety disorders. Nature Reviews Disease Primers, 3, 17024. LeDoux, J. E., & Pine, D. S. (2016). Using neuroscience to help understand fear and anxiety. American Journal of Psychiatry, 173(11), 1083–1093.Essadek, A., et al. (2025). Post-pandemic changes in anxiety and depression symptom trajectories among young adults. Frontiers in Psychiatry.Fox-Gaffney, K. A., et al. (2025). Genetic and environmental influences on anxiety disorders: A review. Journal of Psychiatric Research.Javaid, S. F., et al. (2023). Epidemiology of anxiety disorders: Global burden and contributing factors. Global Mental Health.Kagan, J. (1997). Temperament and the reactions to unfamiliarity. Child Development, 68(1), 139–143.Malekpour, O. (2025). Comprehensive analysis of anxiety disorders: Causes and contributing factors. American Journal of Medical Sciences and Health Sciences.Mineka, S., & Zinbarg, R. (2006). A contemporary learning theory perspective on anxiety disorders. American Psychologist, 61(1), 10–26.National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Anxiety disorders.Ohi, K., et al. (2025). Clinical features and genetic mechanisms of anxiety, fear, and avoidance. Molecular Psychiatry.Peng, S., et al. (2025). Global trends in the epidemiologic burden of anxiety. Frontiers in Public Health.Rastogi, S., et al. (2025). A systematic literature review on anxiety among students. Journal of Mental Health.Shafiee, A., et al. (2025). Global prevalence of anxiety symptoms and associated risk factors. Journal of Global Health.Stein, M. B., & Sareen, J. (2015). Clinical practice: Generalized anxiety disorder. New England Journal of Medicine, 373, 2059–2068.
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  #81 Why Vacations Sometimes Feel Uncomfortable: The Hidden Psychology 12.03.2026 15min

  This episode explores why vacations sometimes feel psychologically uncomfortable, especially for high-functioning individuals. It delves into the physiological and identity-related aspects of recovery, offering insights into managing stress, detachment, and mastery for better mental health.Keywords: psychological recovery, vacation stress, nervous system, identity, mastery, relaxation, autonomy, mental health, stress management, self-careKey Topics: Psychological letdown and physiological recoveryThe role of the nervous system in stress and relaxationIdentity gaps and role loss during vacationsMastery experiences and their importance in mental healthThe importance of autonomy and control in recoveryChapters: 00:00 Introduction to the Podcast's Purpose01:07 Understanding Psychological Concepts for Self-Compassion01:50 The Paradox of Vacation Feelings02:18 Understanding the Nervous System's Response02:42 Understanding Vacation Discomfort03:32 The Impact of Identity on Vacation Experience03:37 Understanding Psychological Letdown04:01 Understanding Work Stress Recovery06:55 The Importance of Psychological Detachment07:25 Relaxation Techniques for Recovery07:49 Understanding Vacation Failures08:27 Understanding the Let Down Effect10:39 Exploring the Identity Gap11:05 The Importance of Free Time and Play12:17 Understanding the Impact of Unstructured Time12:25 Understanding Vacation Restlessness13:24 The Role of Identity and Reflection in Vacations13:46 The Importance of Rest and Reflection14:39 Understanding the Inner Self Through Quiet Moments14:54 Introduction to the Podcast15:25 Disclaimer on Mental Health TopicsResearch ReferencesAndrews-Hanna, J. R. (2014). The brain’s default network and its adaptive role in internal mentation. The Neuroscientist, 20(3), 251–270.Burke, P. J., & Stets, J. E. (2009). Identity theory. Oxford University Press.de Bloom, J., Geurts, S. A. E., & Kompier, M. A. J. (2013). Vacation (after-)effects on employee health and well-being, and the role of vacation activities, experiences and sleep. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(2), 613–633.de Bloom, J., Kompier, M., Geurts, S., de Weerth, C., Taris, T., & Sonnentag, S. (2009). Do we recover from vacation? Meta-analysis of vacation effects on health and well-being. Journal of Occupational Health, 51(1), 13–25.Nawijn, J., Marchand, M. A., Veenhoven, R., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2010). Vacationers happier, but most not happier after a holiday. Applied Research in Quality of Life, 5(1), 35–47.Raichle, M. E. (2015). The brain’s default mode network. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 38, 433–447.Sonnentag, S., & Fritz, C. (2007). The recovery experience questionnaire: Development and validation of a measure for assessing recuperation and unwinding from work. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 12(3), 204–221.Westman, M., & Eden, D. (1997). Effects of a respite from work on burnout and well-being: Vacation relief and fade-out. Journal of Applied Psychology, 82(4), 516–527.
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  #80 Understanding Burnout: Beyond Fatigue to Nervous System Signatures and Giving Yourself Permission to Make Changes 02.03.2026 11min

  This episode explores the complex nature of burnout, emphasizing its psychological and systemic roots, nervous system signatures, and practical recovery strategies. Hosted by Dr. Xan Banker, a licensed psychologist, it offers insights into understanding and healing burnout beyond conventional approaches.Key TopicsBurnout as a system issue and nervous system signatureThe three core components of burnout according to Christina MaslachThe role of fight-flight and freeze responses in burnoutPractical strategies for burnout recovery focusing on nervous system regulationThe importance of small permissions and gentle movement in healingTakeawaysBurnout is often a mismatch between a person and their work environment, involving demand, control, community, and fairness.Understanding the nervous system's fight, flight, freeze, and disassociation responses can inform more compassionate recovery strategies.Recovery from burnout is not about intensity but about gentle, embodied movement and restoring agency.Small permissions and adjustments, like changing how we look at screens or move, can significantly impact burnout recovery.Disassociation is a protective adaptation, and recognizing it can help in healing and reconnecting with oneself.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Self-Understanding00:28 Understanding Burnout: A Deeper Exploration01:25 The Psychological Foundations of Burnout10:07 Introduction to the Podcast10:36 Disclaimer on Mental Health TopicsReferencesMaslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Understanding the burnout experience: Recent research and its implications for psychiatry. World Psychiatry, 15(2), 103–111.Hobfoll, S. E. (1989). Conservation of resources: A new attempt at conceptualizing stress. American Psychologist, 44(3), 513–524.
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  #79 Understanding Burnout: Navigating the Therapist-Client Dynamic 18.02.2026 9min

  In this episode, Dr. Banker provides examples of the dynamics of burnout and illustrates hypothetical psychotherapy exchanged that illustrate the client, overwhelmed and emotionally drained, etc. This candid admission captures the essence of burnout, where even the simplest tasks become monumental challenges.The podcast illustrates how easily well-intentioned advice can miss the mark if it doesn't align with the client's emotional state. By prioritizing communication and empathy, therapists can better support their clients in overcoming burnout and finding a path to recovery. Recovery often begins with giving the clients agency in the session and offering micro-movements towards change. Remember, listening is often the first step in healing.Tags for SEO: burnout, therapy, mental health, psychotherapy, therapist-client relationship, emotional well-being, stress management, empathy in therapy, overcoming burnout.
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  #78 Mental Health Coping Strategy: Dissociation and What it Really Means 06.02.2026 23min

  In this conversation, Dr. Banker explores the complex nature of disassociation, its relationship with trauma, and the role of the nervous system in emotional regulation. She emphasizes that disassociation is not a pathology but a protective mechanism that individuals develop in response to overwhelming experiences. The discussion highlights the importance of creating a safe therapeutic environment to facilitate healing and connection, rather than forcing individuals to confront their trauma head-on. Dr. Banker provides insights into effective treatment strategies that focus on recognizing and addressing dissociative episodes, ultimately guiding individuals towards a healthier relationship with their emotions and experiences. She draws comparisons in conceptualizing dissociation between Janina Fisher and Nancy McWillams. Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge.McWilliams, N. (2011). Psychoanalytic diagnosis: Understanding personality structure in the clinical process (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.McWilliams, N. (2020). Psychoanalytic psychotherapy: A practitioner’s guide (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.TakeawaysDisassociation is a protective mechanism, not a pathology.Healing requires creating a safe and steady environment.The nervous system plays a crucial role in emotional regulation.Therapy should focus on building capacity, not forcing exposure.Understanding what triggers disassociation is key to healing.Connection and relational safety are essential for recovery.Curiosity about emotions can aid in healing from disassociation.Disassociation often occurs in response to overwhelming experiences.Recognizing disassociative episodes can help in treatment.Healing is about learning to stay present without fear. 
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  #49 Understanding Dialectical Behavioral Therapy: Learn How to Manage Destructive Emotions and Self-Sabotaging Behaviors 30.01.2026 48min

  This episode is an interview with Dr. Groninga, who talks about the evidence based treatment Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which was developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Marsha M Lineham. DBT helps clients who have intense emotions that often lead to self-harm or sabotaging behavior and relationship patterns associated with problems in living. Dr. Groninga works at Minnesota Center for Psychology.
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  #77 Freeze When the Nervous System Slams on the Brakes 30.01.2026 17min

  In this episode of 'Talking Your Way to Change', Dr. Xan Banker delves into the complexities of the nervous system's response to threat, focusing on the freeze state. She explains how past experiences can prime the nervous system, leading to heightened responses to present stressors. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding these responses and introduces practical strategies for managing the freeze state, setting the stage for future discussions on disassociation.TakeawaysChoiced based movements allow clients to engage actively.The nervous system's response is often primed by past experiences.Freeze can be mistaken for depression or shutdown.Micro mobilization efforts can help individuals come out of freeze.Understanding the freeze state is crucial for effective therapy.Insight alone may not be sufficient for addressing freeze.Orienting helps the nervous system assess safety.The freeze response is automatic and not about logic.Compassion is essential in addressing disassociation and freeze.Future episodes will explore disassociation and its differences from freeze.Chapters00:00 Understanding the Freeze Response04:18 Understanding Anxiety Responses in Students04:49 Understanding the Nervous System's Response to Stress05:19 The Freeze Response Explained05:41 Understanding Emotional States06:14 Interventions for Emotional Well-being06:22 Understanding the FREEZE Response09:01 Interventions for Managing FREEZE States09:29 Understanding Freeze and Micro Movements12:53 The Importance of Orientation in Trauma Recovery13:31 Avoiding Prolonged Stillness and Shutdown16:49 Introduction to the Podcast17:20 Disclaimer on Mental Health Topics
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  # 76 The Art of Self Care: Finding Purpose in Everyday Life 23.01.2026 16min

  This conversation explores the significance of having a purpose in life, the importance of grounding and soothing practices for emotional regulation, and the concept of savoring as a means to enhance well-being. The speaker discusses various self-care strategies that support mental health and resilience, emphasizing the need to appreciate simple moments and cultivate a positive emotional life.TakeawaysHaving a purpose is essential to our motivation, resilience, and health.Grounding practices help soothe the body and mind.Savoring simple moments can enhance emotional well-being.Cognitive distortions can be restructured for better mental health.Creating structure in daily life supports emotional regulation.Attending to positive experiences can improve overall happiness.Mindfulness practices can ground us in the present moment.Savoring is a key emotional regulation process.Anticipating and reminiscing about positive experiences is beneficial.Self-care strategies can be simple yet impactful. Chapters00:00 Introduction to Self-Care Toolkit02:22 Body-Based and Sensory Strategies04:14 Attentional and Meaning-Based Practices10:07 Psychological Flexibility and Cognitive Care11:41 Inner Growth and Relationship with Self12:39 Structure and Daily Care13:52 The Importance of PurposeKeywordsself-care, mental health, emotional flexibility, nervous system, well-being, psychological strategies, mindfulness, personal growth, daily routines, purpose
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  #75 Guided Meditation: Unlocking Your Inner Stability: A Journey Through Root Chakra Healing 16.01.2026 6min

  In this guided meditation session, listeners are led through a grounding exercise focused on the root chakra. The session begins with instructions on finding a comfortable position and emphasizes the importance of maintaining a straight spine to facilitate energy flow. As participants engage in deep breathing, they are encouraged to visualize the expulsion of stale energy and the intake of fresh air, promoting relaxation and mental clarity.The meditation progresses to a visualization of the root chakra, represented by a bright red light at the base of the spine. Listeners are guided to imagine this light growing and transforming into roots that connect them to the earth, fostering a sense of stability and grounding. Affirmations are introduced to reinforce feelings of security and calmness, culminating in a gentle return to awareness and a reminder to continue checking in with the root chakra for ongoing healing.If you have a history of trauma or dissociation, consider listening with additional support or choosing shorter grounding practices.This recording is intended for educational and self-reflection purposes and is not a substitute for psychotherapy or medical care. This is intended to be a brief guided practice for reconnecting with the body. It is not intended to reset your nervous system or treat trauma. 
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  #73 Unlocking Emotional Wellness: How the Chakra System Enhances Psychotherapy 09.01.2026 19min

  In this episode, Dr. Zan Banker explores the chakra system as a framework for enhancing psychotherapy. She discusses how the chakra system can help understand emotional themes, developmental tasks, and relational patterns. The conversation emphasizes the importance of attentional energy and somatic awareness in therapy, providing insights into how these concepts can be integrated into therapeutic practices. The episode also offers a detailed exploration of each chakra's emotional themes and therapeutic focus.References Damasio, A. R. (1999). The feeling of what happens: Body and emotion in the making of  consciousness. Harcourt Brace.Engel, G. L. (1977). The need for a new medical model: A challenge for biomedicine. Science, 196(4286), 129–136.⁠ https://doi.org/10.1126/science.847460⁠Engel, G. L. (1980). The clinical application of the biopsychosocial model. American Journal of Psychiatry, 137(5), 535–544. https://doi.org/10.1176/ajp.137.5.535Feinstein, D. (2019). Energy psychology: Efficacy, speed, mechanisms. Explore, 15(5), 340–351. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.explore.2019.01.003Hartelius, G., Caplan, M., & Rardin, M. A. (2007). Transpersonal psychology: Defining the past, divining the future. The Humanistic Psychologist, 35(2), 135–160. https://doi.org/10.1080/08873260701274017Hattangadi, V., & Shinde, S. (2025). The interplay of energy and ego: Understanding human development through chakras and Erikson’s theory. IOSR Journal of Business and  Management, 27(2, Ser. 6), 22–29. https://doi.org/10.9790/487X-2702062229Hoge, E. A., Bui, E., Marques, L., Metcalf, C. A., Morris, L. K., Robinaugh, D. J., Worthington, J. J., Pollack, M. H., & Simon, N. M. (2013). Randomized controlled trial of mindfulness meditation for generalized anxiety disorder: Effects on anxiety and stress reactivity. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 74(8), 786–792. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.12m08083Jamil, A., Gutlapalli, S. D., Ali, M., Oble, M. J. P., Sonia, S. N., George, S., Shahi, S. R., Ali, Z., Abaza, A., & Mohammed, L. (2023). Meditation and its mental and physical health benefits. Cureus, 15(6), e40650. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.40650Judith, A. (2004). Eastern body, western mind: Psychology and the chakra system as a path to the self. Celestial Arts.Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte.Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156.⁠ ⁠ ⁠https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.bpg016⁠Koenig, H. G. (2012). Religion, spirituality, and health: The research and clinical implications. ISRN Psychiatry, 2012, Article 278730.⁠ https://doi.org/10.5402/2012/278730⁠Koenig, H. G., King, D. E., & Carson, V. B. (2012). Handbook of religion and health (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.Lim, S., & Lee, H. (2020). Self-exploration on anxiety in chakra-meditation-experienced people: The mediating effect of emotional health state perception. International Journal  of Social Welfare Promotion and Management, 7(1), 15–22.⁠ ⁠⁠https://doi.org/10.21742/ijswpm.2020.7.1.03⁠Malik, A. (2025). Impact factor. Yoga, 10(2), 337–340.Moga, M. (2022). Is there scientific evidence for chakras? International Journal of Healing and  Caring, 22(2), 39–45.Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.Trivedi, M. K., Branton, A., Trivedi, D., Mondal, S., & Jana, S. (2024). Effects of distant biofield energy healing on adults associated with psychological and mental health-related symptoms: A randomized, placebo-controlled, double-blind study. Health Psychology Research, 12, 122225.⁠ https://doi.org/10.52965/001c.122225⁠Walsh, R., & Vaughan, F. (1993). Paths beyond ego: The transpersonal vision. Tarcher/Putnam.
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  #72 What is Survivor Guilt: The War Within 14.03.2024 41min

  In this episode I talk about survivor guilt, which is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation when others have not survived. Or It can be guilt about what they did or did not do during the traumatic event and how this might have contributed to others deaths/injuries. Using interview clips from three different catastrophic events: Holocaust, HIV AIDS Epidemic, and US Veterans I offer examples that illustrate how this type of guilt shows itself.  Naparstek, Belleruth (2004). Invisible heroes : survivors of trauma and how they heal. New York, N.Y.: Bantam Books.  Boykin FF. ⁠⁠The AIDS crisis and gay male survivor guilt⁠⁠. Smith Coll Stud Soc Work. 1991;61(3):247-259. doi:10.1080/00377319109517367 Cobb S, Lindemann E. Neuropsychiatric observations. Annals of Surgery. 1947;177(1):814–824. [⁠⁠PMC free article⁠⁠] [⁠⁠PubMed⁠⁠] [⁠⁠Google Scholar⁠⁠] Niederland WG. Clinical observations on the “survivor syndrome” The International Journal of Psychoanalysis. 1968;49:313–315. [ ⁠⁠https://youtu.be/7be3O9ckZ1c?si=l6qO1OozKd2ADKCl⁠⁠ Rivera R.M. Coronavirus Pandemic: A Trigger for Survivor’s Guilt? Lat. Psychol. Today. 2020;7:27. https://peterattiamd.com/estherperel/
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  # 71 Should I Give Up My Guilt or Bare It? 06.03.2024 24min

  Understanding the type of guilt you are experiencing can inform you of whether or not to bare the guilt and move through the mourning process. If your guilt is not justified it can be helpful to identify this as neurotic guilt and realize it's self-serving nature and the unlikelihood of it leading to positive change. Fairbairn, William Ronald Dodds (1952). Psychoanalytic Studies of the Personality. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul. Kavaler-Adler S. From neurotic guilt to existential guilt as grief: the road to interiority, agency, and compassion through mourning. Part I. Am J Psychoanal. 2006 Sep;66(3):239-59. doi: 10.1007/s11231-006-9020-8. PMID: 16969702. Carveth, D. L. (2023). Guilt: A Contemporary Introduction. United Kingdom: Taylor & Francis.
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  #70 Clear Clutter with the One Minute Rule and Nix the Multi-tasking 12.02.2024 7min

  If a task takes you 60 seconds or less do it the moment and work your way to less clutter. Gopher, D., Armony, L. & Greenspan, Y. (2000). Switching tasks and attention policies. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 129, 308-229. Mayr, U. & Kliegl, R. (2000). Task-set switching and long-term memory retrieval. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition, 26, 1124-1140. Rubin G. (2009). The Happiness Project. New York: Harper Collins Publishers. Jun 29, 2017 https://the-happiness-project.com/
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  Example of Complexity Trauma from song "I Hate Christmas (by CHXRL)."." 04.01.2024

  Discussing how lyrics match up with complex trauma disorder.