Coming Out & Beyond Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality Later in Life

Episodet

• Loving Someone Newly Out: Tonda McKay's Story of Falling in Love With a Later in Life Lesbian 29.05.2026 54min

  In this revisited Season 5 favorite, Anne-Marie sits down with photographer Tonda McKay, who also happens to be her wife. Tonda came out at eighteen as a good Southern Baptist girl whose prayer partner became her first love, and she has spent the decades since building a life as a long-out lesbian in the South. She shares what those early years held: the isolation of believing she was the only one, the family rupture when her mother said she was dead to her, and the slow, joyful discovery of community through a liberal church softball team.The conversation then turns to something the two of them know intimately. What is it actually like for someone who has been out for forty years to fall in love with a woman who is only just beginning her journey? Tonda speaks honestly about boundaries, patience, and trust, about learning that her new partner's grief was not about her, and about why being older changed everything. Her advice is tender and unvarnished, full of hard-won wisdom about red flags, self-respect, and why some loves are worth holding onto.It is a episode about two women of the same age meeting from opposite ends of the same experience, and the contentment they found together. As Tonda puts it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving who you want to love, and love really does win eventually.You can learn more about Tonda's photography work at https://tondamckay.com/If Tonda and Anne-Marie's story stirred something in you, you do not have to walk your own journey alone. Authentically Us is a warm, grounded community for women exploring identity and coming out later in life, a soft place to land among others who understand. Whether someone is newly questioning or further along the path, community is where the healing happens. Come find your people at community.annemariezanzal.com.
• Twice Out, Once Home: Keith Aron on Sexuality, Gender & the Long Way Back to Yourself 22.05.2026 54min

  This week on Coming Out & Beyond, Anne-Marie sits down with Keith Aron (he/they), a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, proudly witchy weirdo, and self-described honorary tree. Keith writes the Substack Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, where he explores the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity — and his story is one Anne-Marie has been wanting to share for a long time.Keith came out as a lesbian in 2001, while living in conservative Northern Virginia, married to a man, and parenting a young child. There was no social media then, no community waiting on the other side of a Google search — only a Yahoo users group called Lesbian Support, a tiny LGBTQ shelf at the local Barnes and Noble, and a book titled From Wedded Wife to Lesbian Life that he devoured in his minivan. Fifteen years later, after years of sobriety, therapy, and working with gender dysphoria that had been quietly rising for most of his life, Keith came out again — this time as trans.In this conversation, Anne-Marie and Keith move slowly through the territory many of our community members know well. The double masking of sexuality and gender. The way the body keeps the score when we suppress what we know to be true. The role of community in healing what Anne-Marie has called the relational wound of queerness. The strange terrain of passing, of invisibility, of gaining male privilege as someone who lived nearly five decades culturally read as female. The both/and of every part of this work.Keith also offers his perspective on imposter syndrome — particularly the queer imposter syndrome that visits so many people who arrive at their identity later in life and wonder if they are queer enough, trans enough, allowed enough to claim what is theirs. His approach, informed by internal family systems, is one of curiosity rather than combat: getting to know the inner critic, learning what it is afraid of, what it has been trying to protect. (Listen for Keith's nod to Marlin from Finding Nemo as the inner critic we can all probably recognize.)Anne-Marie and Keith also talk practically about how to find safe community when you are exploring something new — including the often-overlooked support of 12-step affinity spaces — and how to find a therapist or coach who actually understands later-in-life identity work, because the rush to be an ally is not the same as the experience to do the work well.This conversation is for anyone listening who came in for the sexuality piece and has started to wonder if there is something else underneath. It is also for anyone who has been on this path for a while and could use the company of someone who has walked the long version of it.Connect with KeithYou can find Keith at keitharon.com and on Substack at Big Blue Sky Dragonfly (keitharon.substack.com), or by searching his name on LinkedIn. If you are curious about working with him, his website is the easiest place to start.Join us in communityIf Keith's words about the necessity of community landed somewhere tender today, we want you to know there is a place for you. Authentically Us is Anne-Marie's ongoing community on Mighty Networks for women navigating identity, sexuality, and the questions that arrive in midlife. It is warm, it is unhurried, and it is full of people who have wondered the same things you are wondering. We would love to have you. You can learn more at https://community.annemariezanzal.com.
• Hurricane Lessons: Betrayal, Becoming, & Coming Out Later in Life 15.05.2026 45min

  A decade ago, Anne-Marie and Katrina Anne Willis met inside a small Facebook group that no longer exists — a quiet corner of the internet where women who had Googled "late in life lesbian" found each other. They were both raising kids. Both married to men. Both trying to understand a feeling they didn't yet have language for.This week, they finally meet face to face.Katrina is the author of Hurricane Lessons: A Memoir of Betrayal and Becoming, released April 7th by Sibylline Press. In this conversation, she and Anne-Marie trade their parallel stories — the Pilates instructor, the Catholic upbringing, the husbands who said "if you ever leave me, you'll leave me for a woman" long before either of them understood what that meant. They talk about the catalyst relationship that ripped Katrina's world open, the friend group that quietly disappeared, and the children who grieved in their own ways and on their own timelines.They also talk about what comes after the hurricane. The chosen family. The intentional life. The unexpected softness of a world without raised voices. And the lesson Katrina says took her the longest to learn: that the first betrayal in any coming out story is the betrayal of self, and the becoming begins the moment you stop.If you've ever wondered whether you're the only one who has felt this way — Katrina's answer, and the heart of this episode, is no. You're not. You never were.Where to find Katrina:Hurricane Lessons is available at bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and independent bookstores everywhereSubstack: Surrendering to SapphoInstagram & Facebook: katrina.anne.willisReady to write your own next chapter? Authentically Us is Anne-Marie's private community for women navigating exactly the kind of transition Katrina describes in Hurricane Lessons — the questioning, the becoming, the quiet rebuilding of a life that actually fits. You don't have to figure it out alone, and you don't have to wait until you have language for it. Join us at https://community.annemariezanzal.com
• The Surprise Truth About Sapphic Sex: What Nobody Tells You Before You Get Here! 08.05.2026 59min

  A woman in our community wrote in and asked: "What if my lesbian sex experience doesn't live up to the hype? Does that make me not gay?"That question deserved more than a one-line answer. So Anne-Marie brought in two of her favorite humans to tell the truth — the kind of truth nobody hands you before you get here.Her wife Tonda McKay has been out for forty years and brings the long view: what the community looked like before midlife women started arriving in big numbers, and what she's watched shift since. Co-coach Barb Rowlandson came out later in life and survived midlife lesbian dating to tell the tale. Together with Anne-Marie, they go where most podcasts won't.In this episode, the three of them talk about:🌈Why the lesbian sex fantasy is so powerful — and why the reality is more complicated than the imagination🌈Where the U-Haul joke actually comes from (hint: it's economics, microaggressions, and brain chemistry, not just feelings)🌈Moving fast in a new relationship — when it works, when it doesn't, and how to tell which is which🌈Why moving toward something is different from moving away from something🌈Internalized homophobia, shame, and how it shows up in the bedroom — for newly out and long-out women🌈What it's like to date someone who is brand new when you've been out for decades🌈How the conversation around later-in-life lesbians has shifted in the last ten years🌈Why "we send our representative" on the first few dates — and what happens when the real person shows up🌈Butch, femme, and the freedom of having no rules🌈The talking. So much talking.This is a warm, funny, honest conversation between three women who love each other and who are not interested in pretending lesbian relationships are easier, simpler, or more magical than they actually are. They are interested in telling you the truth, so you have company on the road.If you have ever wondered whether your experience is "normal," whether you are doing this right, or whether the hype was lying to you — this one is for you.Have a question you want answered on the podcast? Send it to us. Like the listener who asked the question that opened this episode, your question might be exactly what someone else in our community needs to hear.New episode of Coming Out & Beyond is live. Listen wherever you get your podcasts — Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch the full episode on YouTube: If you are coming out later in life, dating for the first time as a queer woman, or somewhere in the middle of figuring it all out — you are not alone, and you are not behind. We're glad you're here.If this episode made you think I want to talk about this with women who get it — that's exactly what Authentically Us is for. It's our private community for women navigating identity, coming out, and what comes next. We talk, we laugh, we process, we hold space. Come find your people. Join us at https://community.annemariezanzal.com .
• Clarity Is a Thousand Small Permissions 01.05.2026 42min

  Join the 3-Day Clarity Experience, May 5–7. A live space for women in the long middle who are ready to stop doing it alone — not to get a fix, but to sit with the questions alongside a community of women in exactly the same place. Standard admission is $47, or $87 for VIP, which includes a private 45-minute call with Anne-Marie. https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/The fantasy is that one day you wake up and everything snaps into place — the marriage, the friendships, the way you dress, the way you pray. What nobody tells us is that for most of us, becoming happens at the speed of a glacier, not a lightning bolt.In this month's conversation, Anne-Marie Zanzal sits down with returning guest Anna Empey to explore the long middle — the space between knowing and acting, between the question and the certainty. They talk about why coming out is the end of the beginning, not the end of the story; why "I don't know yet" is a complete and honest answer; and why the grand reinvention is really a thousand small permissions stacked on top of each other.The conversation moves into the nervous system response that comes with this kind of change — the sleep that won't come, the body that won't settle — and the practices that help women stay with themselves while everything is moving. Anne-Marie and Anna also get into shame versus guilt, the cultural script that says coming out is only for the young, and why no one has to blow up her life to live an honest one.Whether a listener is four months into claiming a new identity or has been sitting with the question for years, this conversation is a reminder that she is not behind. She is already becoming.Coming Out & Beyond is available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, with full video episodes on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g2AGyBj8JXUFor listeners who find today's conversation landing somewhere tender, Authentically Us offers an online community for women navigating identity questions in midlife and beyond — a place to belong while still figuring out what they're becoming. More information is available at https://community.annemariezanzal.com/users/onboarding/plans#ComingOutLaterInLife #LateBloomerLesbian #LGBTQPodcast #MidlifeAwakening #SacredBelonging
• You Can't Know What You Don't Know: DBT, Queer Joy, and Coming Out at Any Age with Dr. Kiki Fehling 24.04.2026 53min

  Something in you already knows.Maybe it's been whispering for years. Maybe it got louder recently. Maybe you can't quite name it yet — but you know something is asking to be looked at.If you've been sitting with questions about who you are, who you love, or what this next chapter of your life is actually supposed to look like, the 3-Day Clarity Experience was built for you.Three evenings. One guide. A real map forward.Live on Zoom, May 5–7, 2026 - 7:00–8:15 PM CSTDay 1 – Is This Real? Your Story of Knowing. We'll trace the quiet moments that have been pointing toward this truth — the early clues, the body signals, the friendships that felt like something more. You'll leave with a personal Story of Knowing timeline that makes sense of what you've been carrying.Day 2 – Where Am I in This Journey? We'll walk through the five stages of later-in-life awakening, and you'll find yourself somewhere on that map. Not lost. Not behind. Exactly where you're supposed to be.Day 3 – What Now? Your Next Right Step. We'll look honestly at what's possible and what's getting in the way. You'll leave with a For-Now Truth Statement and a Three-Step Next Moves Plan — one small, supportive step forward.This isn't a webinar. It's three evenings of real company with a guide who has walked this road herself, alongside other women who are asking the same questions you are.If you've been listening to this podcast and wondering what the next layer looks like — this is it.Register for the 3-Day Clarity Experience at: https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/Anne-Marie Zanzal is a coach, ordained minister, and former hospice chaplain who came out at 52 after a long marriage. She works with midlife women navigating identity, faith, and the questions that don't go away.Now onto the podcast!What if the reason you didn't figure it out sooner had nothing to do with self-awareness — and everything to do with a world that never gave you the language?In this rich, warm, and genuinely important conversation, Anne-Marie sits down with Dr. Kiki Fehling (she/they) — clinical psychologist, author, Linehan Board Certified DBT expert, and queer mental health advocate — for a wide-ranging exploration of identity, emotion, and the practice of joy.Kiki shares their own coming out story as a bi and non-binary person who didn't find a non-binary identity until their mid-30s — even while specializing in LGBTQ+ mental health. Together, Anne-Marie and Kiki unpack one of the most liberating ideas in the episode: you can't know what you don't know. The language, the representation, the community — these aren't luxuries. They are the very things that make self-discovery possible.The conversation goes deep on:Why coming out later doesn't mean you missed something — and what actually gets in the way of recognizing yourselfBisexuality, biphobia, and the "bi as a phase" question — asked with care, answered with nuance and honestyDBT and dialectical thinking — how holding two true things at once can change everything for people in transitionQueer joy as a practice, not a destination — and specific, doable ways to cultivate it, whether life is going smoothly or you're in the thick of a dark night of the soulPeople-pleasing, guilt, and permission — why women in transition so often feel they don't deserve joy, and how to begin releasing thatGender exploration as playfulness — for those whose queer journey is taking them somewhere unexpectedWhether you're just beginning to ask questions, mid-transition, or somewhere on the other side, this episode will meet you where you are.🎉 Kiki is the author of Self-Directed DBT Skills, DBT Cards for Coping Skills, and the forthcoming LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook (2026). You can find all of Kiki's work at kikifehling.com, follow them on social media at @dbtkiki, or subscribe to their Substack newsletter, How to Queer Joy, for ongoing wisdom on exactly what it sounds like.💛 Ready to stop navigating this alone? The Authentically Us community is a warm, intentional space for women who are asking the questions Kiki and Anne-Marie talked about in this episode — and who are ready to find their people. Come find us: https://community.annemariezanzal.com/users/onboarding/plans#QueerJoy #ComingOutLaterInLife #DBTSkills #LGBTQMentalHealth #AuthenticLiving
• I Had Been Waiting For Something My Whole Life 17.04.2026 27min

  In this week's episode of Coming Out & Beyond, Anne-Marie traces the winding, decade-long road that led her from a single paragraph in an Oprah magazine to finally saying the words out loud — and finding the woman who would become her wife along the way.She begins in 2006, when an article about women who had left marriages with men to be with women cracked something open in her — a joy she couldn't explain and quietly tucked away. She walks listeners through every moment she tried to surface that truth: a therapist who made her feel like she'd failed a litmus test, a marriage counselor who chalked it up to a difficult relationship with her mother, and the years of silence in between. Then comes the patient — a small, fierce woman from Connecticut who signed her own hospice paperwork and told Anne-Marie she thought she'd been waiting for something her whole life. In that moment, something irreversible shifted.She shares the four words she typed into Google — late in life lesbian — and what happened next: an online community, a Facebook group with 180 members, and a woman named Tonda McKay from Nashville who put her in the friend zone and then slowly, over the next year, became the love of her life.Anne-Marie weaves in the music that accompanied all of it — Mary Lambert's "She Keeps Me Warm" and Macklemore's "Same Love" — songs she had cried at for years without fully understanding why. She reflects on what it means to carry a verdict you never agreed to, to mistake recognition for compassion, and to discover that orientation doesn't wait to be confirmed. It was already there, in every song that broke her open, long before she gave herself permission to know it.This episode closes with an invitation: you don't have to figure this out alone. Anne-Marie did that for ten years. There's another way.If any part of this episode landed somewhere real in you, the 3-Day Clarity Experience is happening May 5th through 7th. Three days of community, of being seen, of not carrying this alone. Anne-Marie created it for exactly the moment you might be in right now. The link is https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/ Anne-Marie tells part of this story — meeting Tonda, the fear, the phone call, all of it — in her memoir Authentic Peace. If this episode moved you and you want to go deeper into her coming-out journey, you can find the book here: https://amzn.to/3F9szYYYou can find Anne-Marie's Substack piece on the therapist who couldn't see her here: https://annemariezanzal1.substack.com/p/the-therapist-who-couldnt-see-me?r=4c7fmcLooking for community and clarity as you navigate this journey? You don't have to do it alone! Visit https://community.annemariezanzal.com/users/onboarding/plans for ways to connect and learn with women just like you.Anne-Marie mentions listening to Mary Lambert's "She Keeps Me Warm" — the song that broke her open long before she understood why. Go listen with new ears. The Vevo link is in the show notes. No ally framing. Just her voice. Notice what your body does. https://youtu.be/NhqH-r7Xj0E?si=nBuaJCIxjKUeDmHRMacklemore's "Same Love" samples Mary Lambert's voice at key moments throughout — it was the anthem of marriage equality in 2012 and part of the soundtrack of Anne-Marie's coming-out years. The YouTube link is in the show notes. https://youtu.be/hlVBg7_08n0?si=cNbfy5Sg6L-T_Uwg#LateInLifeLesbian #ComingOutLaterInLife #QueerWomen #LGBTQPodcast #AuthenticLife
• Red Flags, Love Bombing & Listening to Your Inner Voice 15.04.2026 44min

  You're finally dating women — and maybe dating in general for the first time in decades. The apps are confusing, the feelings are big, and it can be hard to know when to trust your gut and when you're overthinking it. In this episode, Anne-Marie sits down with resident dating authority Barbara Rowlandson — therapist, dating coach, and marriage officiant who has literally married hundreds of couples — for a candid, practical conversation about red flags in the world of lesbian and queer dating. They cover the warning signs that show up before you've even met in person: profiles that say "just ask me," someone rushing you off the app, phishing schemes targeting generous women who want to see the best in people. They also get into what love bombing actually looks like and how to know when you're in a cycle that isn't going to change. And because second adolescence is real and needs to be named — they talk honestly about what it means to come into your sexuality later in life, why desire gets amplified, and why you can extend some self-compassion if you've made choices you'd do differently now. From there, they answer two listener questions pulled from Reddit — one about a woman who won't let her girlfriend come over after four months together, and one about dating age gaps and the fear of being judged — with the warmth, honesty, and occasional sass you've come to expect from these two. If you're new to dating women, or you've been out for a while and still want some guidance on navigating the dating world, this conversation is for you. Find this episode wherever you listen to podcasts — just search Coming Out & Beyond. If you prefer to watch, this conversation is on YouTube: https://youtu.be/l7uOk-2kBBU Barb and Anne-Marie answer listener dating questions on the air every second Friday of the month. If you have a question about dating, relationships, or navigating the queer dating world, reach out at support@annemariezanzal.com — your question could be featured on an upcoming episode. Barbara works with women navigating later-in-life coming out, relationships, and everything in between. You can find her through Anne-Marie's website at annemariezanzal.com. Join This Authentic Life — May cohort: If this episode is resonating with you, you might be ready for more than just dating advice. This Authentic Life is a community coaching experience for women navigating identity, authenticity, and what it means to live as your full self — often for the first time. The May cohort begins May 18, and early bird pricing is open now through April 15. Learn more and save your spot at https://annemariezanzal.com/this-authentic-life-community-course/
• Too Gay to Fit In, Too New to Feel at Home 03.04.2026 40min

  Coming out names something true. But it doesn't hand you a place to land.In this episode of Coming Out & Beyond, Anne-Marie sits down with returning guest Anna Empey — LGBT coach, business development consultant, and community builder — for an honest, tender conversation about what it really takes to find your people after you've found yourself.Anna knows firsthand what it costs to lose the communities you thought you'd hold forever — her faith community, her family connections, her sense of where she fit. And she knows what it took to build something new, not because it was easy, but because she understood, bone deep, that healing doesn't happen in isolation.Together, Anne-Marie and Anna explore why queer community isn't a nice bonus on the side of your coming-out journey — it's where the healing actually lives. They talk about the low-grade wariness so many women carry walking into queer spaces, the voice that asks am I gay enough? and the gatekeepers who don't have the authority they think they do. They talk about what safe enough really means (hint: it's not a place where nothing hard ever happens), about the muscle memory of performing belonging we carry in from our straight lives, and about why the rawest, most honest thing you say in community is almost always the one that gets the most me too.Anna also shares something she learned after years of searching for the roadmap someone would just hand her: nobody can tell you exactly what it looks like for you. But there are people who will show up and walk with you while you figure it out.And that is still community. That still counts.Reflection question from this episode: Where do you feel most yourself in the presence of others? Sit with it. Write it down. Let it open something.Resources + Ways to ConnectListen to the full episode on YouTube → https://youtu.be/Yr8wa-YcyBkReady to stop doing this alone? Here's where to find your people:Join Authentically Us — Anne-Marie's online community for queer women navigating identity, built for exactly the season you're in. Anne-Marie and Anna are both in there. You can lurk, you can post, you can show up exactly as you are. → https://community.annemariezanzal.comDownload the Maybe I'm Not Straight Guide — If you're still holding the question quietly, this is a gentle place to start. → https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/Email the show — Something from this episode landed with you? Write to the team at support@annemariezanzal.com#QueerCommunity #ComingOutLater #LaterInLifeLesbian #QueerBelonging #AuthenticallyUs
• In the Nick of Time: Light Bird on Coming Out, Starting Over, and Making Music That Matters 27.03.2026 43min

  Five weeks before her wedding, Danni Hoshino was lying in bed next to her fiancée when something shifted. She asked herself a question she had never quite let herself ask — and then she knew.In this episode of Coming Out and Beyond, host Anne-Marie Zanzal sits down with Danni, a singer, songwriter, and guitarist who creates music under the name Light Bird. Her debut album, See Her, is a ten-song collection that moves through the uncertainty before transition, the fallout of coming out, and the unexpected beauty of finally living as yourself. They talk about what it felt like to come out fast — unapologetically, and all at once — and why Danni had no other way to do it. They talk about grief, about the relationships and houses and nine-to-five lives we leave behind, and about how sometimes an ending is also the only door forward.They also talk about music. How Danni set aside her artistic life for the security of a corporate career, and how coming out gave her back not just herself — but her voice. Her perspective. Her reason to create.The album's second single, Alright, releases on March 31st, 2026, in honor of Trans Day of Visibility. It's a bittersweet folk-country duet about the love that brought Danni to the moment she needed — and the grace it took to let it go.This one is for anyone who has ever asked a question they weren't sure they were allowed to ask, and found the answer change everything.Listen to Light Bird's single Alright, out today in honor of Trans Day of Visibility, on all major streaming platforms. Search Light Bird (two words) and follow @LightBirdMusic on social media for album updates — See Her releases in early June.If this conversation resonated, there's a place to keep going. Authentically Us is an ongoing community for women moving through identity transitions just like this one — for $39/month, you get connection, support, and a place where your story is welcome. www.community.annemariezanzal.com.Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. It matters more than you know.#TransDayOfVisibility #ComingOutAndBeyond #LightBirdMusic #QueerVoices #AuthenticLifeLight
• What Lies Are You Telling Yourself? Kathy Houston on Waking Up to Who You Really Are 20.03.2026 49min

  What do you do when a single moment — a woman's hand on your thigh at a work dinner — unravels 45 years of the story you thought was yours?That's exactly what happened to Kathy Houston. A West Point graduate, U.S. Army officer, 30-year retail leader, wife, and mother of two — Kathy spent decades doing everything exactly right. She married the day after she was commissioned. She left the military to raise her kids rather than deploy to Desert Storm. She built a career, a family, a life. And she had absolutely no idea she was gay.Until she did.In this rich, funny, deeply honest conversation, Anne-Marie and Kathy talk about what it really looks like to come out at 50 — the five years of doing nothing after the first spark of awareness, the open marriage, the first relationship that cracked her heart open, the lesbian gatekeepers who told her she "wasn't really gay," and the neuroscience-backed mindset work that helped her finally build the life she couldn't have imagined but absolutely deserved.Kathy is now a later-in-life coming out coach, a TEDx speaker (What Lies Are You Telling Yourself?), and a certified Positive Intelligence coach. She brings the same discipline that got her through West Point and Desert Storm to helping women face the biggest truth of their lives — with clarity, courage, and a whole lot of hard-won wisdom.This episode also marks the re-launch of Coming Out & Beyond with a sharpened focus on women coming out later in life — late-blooming lesbians, married women questioning their sexuality, and women navigating midlife identity shifts after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. If that's you, you are home.In this episode:The Kmart training trip that changed Kathy's life forever — and the woman she never saw againWhy she did nothing for five years after realizing she might be gayOpening her marriage, her first lesbian relationship, and what "limerence" actually isLesbian gatekeepers — and why they're becoming less commonWhat the brain does to keep us stuck, and how neuroscience can help us get unstuckHer TEDx talk and the three questions she wants every woman to ask herselfBuilding a modern family (and best-friend status with her partner's ex-husband)Why the end — the happiness on the other side — is absolutely worth itIf you're spinning, you don't have to do it alone. Authentically Us is a private community for women questioning their sexuality and coming out later in life. Come find your people: www.annemariezanzal.comFind Kathy Houston at runyourlife.biz — and watch her TEDx talk, What Lies Are You Telling Yourself? https://youtu.be/2h4YKR8Gmsg?si=Rxi1haeq-_KAFP6B#LateBloomingLesbian #ComingOutLaterInLife #AuthenticallyUs #QueerWomen #MidlifeAwakening
• 🤔So... Are You Actually Ready to Date? 13.03.2026 46min

  Are you ready to date — or do you just want to be? There's a difference, and this episode of Coming Out and Beyond is here to help you figure that out.Anne-Marie is joined by the wonderful Barbara Rowlandson — dating coach, psychotherapist, and co-host of our monthly dating segment — for an honest, warm, and often hilarious conversation about what it really takes to step into the dating world as a woman who has come out later in life.From the chaos of the "messy middle" to love bombing red flags, from building queer community to figuring out who you even are after decades of partnered life — this episode covers it all.In this episode, we talk about:Why building community should come before dating (and where to find yours)The time and energy dating actually requires — and how to know if you have itWhat it means to know yourself well enough to say no to the wrong personRed flags and why being ghosted is actually a giftThe importance of vulnerability — and the brick walls we don't know we've builtWhy the queer dating pool is smaller, and why that changes the rulesCatalyst relationships: what they are, what they open up, and how to survive themIntimacy, readiness, and what "getting it on" really means for women like usThe surprising role of menopause in why so many women come out in their late 40s and 50sNext month's dating episode: We're talking about dating while you're still married — and what love bombing looks like and how to protect yourself. Don't miss it.🔗 Resources Mentioned📥 Dating Readiness Guide (free download from Lavender Dating) — Self-assess where you are on the readiness scale before you dive in. 👉 www.lavenderdating.com📥 Maybe I'm Not Straight Guide — The best of our work on coming out later in life, all in one place. If you're in the messy middle, this one's for you. 👉 https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/🌸 Join Authentically Us — Our Mighty Networks community for women navigating identity transitions later in life. Community, connection, and people who get it — ready and waiting for you. 👉 annemariezanzal.com🗓️ This Authentic Life Cohort — Our 16-week group coaching program starts in May. Come through the messy middle with a whole cohort beside you. 👉 annemariezanzal.com💌 Work with Barbara Rowlandson — Dating coaching for women in exactly this season of life. 👉 Book a free connection call here: https://calendly.com/lavender-dating-team
• The Losses No One Talks About When You Come Out 06.03.2026 51min

  Coming Out & Beyond has evolved.This season is now exclusively for women questioning their sexuality, coming out later in life, and creating a life beyond—at a human pace, with honesty and community.And if you found yourself here… you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.If something in you has been quietly asking a question you haven't said out loud yet —there's a free guide for exactly this moment.No answers required. Just an honest place to begin.Download our Maybe I Am Not Straight GuideIn this episode, I’m joined by Anna Empey—business development consultant, LGBTQ+ coach, and someone who understands (personally and professionally) what it means to rebuild identity after a life-changing awakening.Together, we talk about grief—not just as something that happens when someone dies, but as our emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual response to any loss:the identity you thought you werethe life you imagined you’d haverelationships shifting (or ending) after coming outthe “good” changes that still carry real lossthe way unprocessed grief quietly stacks over timeWe also get practical. We talk about why community matters so much in this chapter—because when we’re isolated, our brains fill in the gaps… and they rarely fill them with kindness.This conversation is steady, honest, and deeply human.If you’ve been carrying a quiet ache you can’t quite name… this one will land.Watch Episode 10 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube now: https://youtu.be/DnrRcKN8oT4Go listen on the Coming Out & Beyond YouTube channel and join us in the comments—tell us what part hit home for you.🔗 CONNECT WITH USWebsite: annemariezanzal.comFacebook: facebook.com/amzanzalInstagram: @annemariezanzalcoachingTwitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzalLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowermentReady to start your own journey? Book a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/annemariezanzalcoachingllc/30-minute-clarity-and-fit💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITYAuthentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.Monthly subscription: $39/month👉 Join Authentically Us#ComingOutAndBeyond #LaterInLifeLesbian #LateBloomerLesbian #QuestioningSexuality #CompHet #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture #QueerWomen #ComingOutLaterInLife #MidlifeAwakening #LGBTQPodcast #QueerHealing #GriefWork #GriefAndLoss #IdentityShift #NervousSystemRegulation #Authenticity #SelfTrust #QueerCommunity #MightyNetworks
• The Preacher Who Couldn't Pray Away the Gay (And What He Found Instead) 27.02.2026 49min

  What happens when the life you’re told to live is slowly killing you—and the life you’re afraid to live is the one that sets you free?David Hulse has been a spiritual teacher for over 60 years. But his journey to get here took him through Pentecostal fundamentalism in Tulsa, Oklahoma, conversion therapy at 17, a church in the Jim Crow South at 19, and a marriage to a woman he thought would save him from himself.In this episode, David shares how he moved from fear-based religion to expansive, love-centered spirituality—and what that path looked like across six decades of searching, breaking down, and building something real. We talk about the bridges that can help you move from rigid doctrine to genuine spiritual connection, why religious wounds don’t heal just because you leave the church, how this current moment in history might actually be “labor pains before a rebirth,” and why 80-year-old queer elders like David are exactly the pioneers our community needs right now.Whether you’re deconstructing your faith, navigating a later-in-life coming out, or just need to hear that it gets better from someone who’s been there—this one’s for you.Connect with David: davidhulse.com | Heartlight Spiritual Center, Charlotte, NC🔗 CONNECT WITH USWebsite: annemariezanzal.comFacebook: facebook.com/amzanzalInstagram: @annemariezanzalcoachingTwitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzalLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowermentReady to start your own journey? Book a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/annemariezanzalcoachingllc/30-minute-clarity-and-fit 💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITYAuthentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.Monthly subscription: $39/month👉 Join Authentically Us
• What Heated Rivalry Gets Right About Coming Out 20.02.2026 43min

  What Heated Rivalry Gets Right About Coming OutYou wouldn't expect a steamy male hockey romance to hit so close to home for later-in-life lesbians — but Heated Rivalry on HBO Max did exactly that.In this episode, Anne-Marie and returning co-conspirator Barb Rowlandson break down why this show has gone viral across the LGBTQ+ community and beyond. From the real cost of staying closeted as strategy (not confusion), to the exhaustion of loving privately versus living openly, to why straight women are weeping at a gay hockey player kissing his boyfriend on the ice — the themes run deep.They explore how the show mirrors what so many women in midlife experience: the layered process of coming out, the fear of losing everything you've built, and the moment when hiding yourself becomes more painful than the risk of being seen. Plus, a honest conversation about gender roles, emotional labor, and why queer relationships often feel like a breath of fresh air after years of carrying the mental load.⚠️ SPOILER ALERT: This episode discusses major plot points from all episodes of Heated Rivalry. Watch the show first, then come back — we'll be here!🎧 Listen & watch now: 📺 YouTube: https://youtu.be/7ws7-FvaW38 🎧 Spotify & Apple Podcasts: Search "Coming Out and Beyond LGBTQ Stories"💬 Want to keep the conversation going? Join our Authentically Us community on Mighty Networks for a live group discussion of Heated Rivalry on Monday, February 23rd! Join Authentically Us – a Community for LGBTQIA+ Adults to participate at https://annemariezanzal.com/ .💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITYAuthentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.Monthly subscription: $39/month👉 Join Authentically Us🔗 CONNECT WITH USWebsite: annemariezanzal.comFacebook: facebook.com/amzanzalInstagram: @annemariezanzalcoachingTwitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzalLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment
• U-Haul University: Stood Up, Stressed Out & Still Looking for Love! 14.02.2026 46min

  🔥 Ever get all dressed up for a date... and they never show? Ever wonder if you're too old for love at 43? Ever think maybe lesbian dating culture is just... toxic?Girl, pull up a chair. We're talking about ALL of it in this episode — and trust us, you're not alone.📞 FEELING STUCK IN YOUR DATING LIFE?Dating is hard enough without doing it alone. If you're a sapphic woman feeling stuck, frustrated, or just plain lost when it comes to dating — whether you're freshly out, freshly heartbroken, or somewhere in between — let's chat.Book a FREE connection call with Barbara — no pressure, no judgment, just a lesbian therapist/coach/guide who has been there and can help you have a successful dating life.👉 Book Your Free Call HereWhat We're Covering This Week:This week, Anne-Marie and Barbara Rowlandson are back with another round of Reddit questions from sapphic women navigating the beautiful, messy, maddening world of queer dating. These posts hit close to home:🌈 Is lesbian dating culture actually toxic? Spoiler: No. We're talking about why what feels uniquely lesbian is really just uniquely human — and why pathologizing our community doesn't help anyone.❤️ What to do when your girlfriend brushes off arguments that leave you spinning. Hint: It's about attachment styles and communication, not your queerness. (And "we never fight" isn't the flex you think it is.)💔 The woman who got stood up on date three. Dressed up, dinner reservation made, Sephora closed for emotional shopping — the whole bit. We're sending her all the love.🌸 A tough-love conversation with a 43-year-old who thinks she's too old for love. We're unpacking the stories we inherit and how beliefs like "there aren't enough good people out there" can quietly run your whole dating life.💕 The sweetest question about first-time intimacy. Why excitement, not nervousness, is way more common than you'd think — and how to make your partner feel safe and comfortable.If you've ever wondered whether the intensity of your feelings means something's wrong, or if your dating struggles are a "lesbian thing" or a "human thing," this one's for you.💬 JOIN THE AUTHENTICALLY US COMMUNITYAuthentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Whether you're deconstructing messages from a conservative faith tradition, experiencing divorce-related guilt, or struggling with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you.Monthly subscription: $39/month👉 Join Authentically Us💬 GOT YOUR OWN SAPPHIC DATING DILEMMA?We want to hear from you! Share your dating question or story, and we might feature it on our next episode of U-Haul University.🔗 CONNECT WITH USWebsite: annemariezanzal.comFacebook: facebook.com/amzanzalInstagram: @annemariezanzalcoachingTwitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzalLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment🎧 LISTEN TO THE PODCASTApple Podcasts: Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ StoriesSpotify: Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ StoriesGrab your headphones, maybe a glass of wine, and come sit with us. You're not doing this dating thing alone anymore.
• When the Shelf Breaks: Reflections on Breaking With Faith Tradition and What Lies Beyond 06.02.2026 46min

  It's the first Friday of the month, and that means we welcome back Anna Empey to the show! In this episode, Anne-Marie and Anna delve deep into their personal journeys of deconstructing their Catholic and Mormon faith, particularly in the context of their LGBTQIA+ identities. Each paints a vivid picture of what it was like to grow up in a home with conservative faith traditions, noting the moments when their "shelf broke" (a metaphor for losing faith), the emotional toll of leaving behind their faith communities and ingrained beliefs, and the impacts it had on their interpersonal relationships. Anne-Marie and Anna also share which pieces of their beliefs they retained, noting how they found freedom and peace as they moved forward in life guided by their values.❓ What to Expect in This Episode:✨Exploration of how church policies can be devastating for LGBTQIA+ individuals.✨Thoughts on how personal relationships with a higher power can evolve over time.✨Why anger is a valid part of the deconstruction process.✨Encouragement to ask questions and seek your own beliefs.Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you're looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us💬 Join the Conversation:Are you someone who is deconstructing the lessons of your life prior to coming out? What are your takeaways from this episode? Let's talk about it in the comments!🔗 Visit our website:Anne-Marie's : [ annemariezanzal.com]🔗 Follow us on social media:💠 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amzanzal💠 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/💠 Twitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzal💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment/You can also tune into this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-out-beyond-lgbtqia-stories/id1569859569Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/27kocr4llm6syHKaeX1x9e👉 Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe for more inspiring stories and advice on navigating life, love, and everything in between!#LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #Queer #lesbian #sexuality #identity #selfdiscovery #lesbiancommunity #sexualexploration #queerculture #growth #comingout #podcast #lgbtqpodcast ##religiousdeconstruction #faith #lifeaftercomingout #resilience #exmormon #excatholic
• 📷”I Want To See These Women’s Faces” 30.01.2026 42min

  This week, we're revisiting an episode from Season 6 featuring GLAAD Media Award nominee, documentary photographer Morgan Lieberman. Morgan's project, "Hidden Once, Hidden Twice," published with NPR last June was recently nominated in the category of Outstanding Online Journalism – Video or MultimediaMorgan's work has been featured in publications such as The New York Times, Bloomberg, National Geographic, The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angles Times, among others. Morgan's current documentary project titled 'Hidden Once, Hidden Twice' focuses on documenting the lives of older lesbian partnerships. This project was borne out of a desire for lesbian community and out of recognition that the voices of the older lesbian generation have been suppressed and lost over time. In this episode, Anne-Marie and Morgan's conversation delves into the lessons learned from older generations, the significance of community, and the complexities of lesbian relationships. Morgan emphasizes the need for visibility and understanding of the unique experiences of older lesbians, while also discussing her aspirations for her documentary work.🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:🏳️‍🌈The significance of representation in media for the LGBTQ+ community.🏳️‍🌈How lesbian relationships are often misunderstood and oversimplified by society.🏳️‍🌈Reflections on the emotional depth and intensity of lesbian friendships and relationships.🏳️‍🌈What younger generations of lesbians can learn from the older generation about resilience and love.🏳️‍🌈 and much more!You can follow Morgan Lieberman on Instagram, who goes by @thechromaticsheep.You can also donate to the "Hidden Once, Hidden Twice" GoFundMe here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/photo-book-on-senior-lesbian-partnerships💬 Join the Conversation!💬Are you a member of the older lesbian generation? What comes up for you when you listen to this episode? If you're of a younger generation, what surprised you about the episode? Leave your thoughts in the comments and let's talk about it!❤️Join Authentically Us! A supportive community for those coming out later in life to the LGBTQIA+ community. Connect, share, and find guidance on your journey through mutual support groups, workshops, and live Zoom meetups. 💜Sign up today at www.annemariezanzal.com💠 Visit our website: : [ www.annemariezanzal.com]💠 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amzanzal💠 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment/👍 Like, subscribe, and hit the bell to stay updated on powerful stories from Coming Out & Beyond!
• Vulnerable Bodies, Heavy Hearts: Sexual Minority Stress & Homophobic Hate in the Wake of ICE Violence 23.01.2026 49min

  Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you're looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-UsTrigger Warning: This episode discusses violence against women and Queer people, ICE violence, the Pulse nightclub tragedy, gun violence, and the murder of Renee Nicole Good. In this episode of "Coming Out and Beyond," host Anne-Marie Zanzal welcomes back psychotherapist Miriam Grace to discuss the profound impact of recent tragic events on the LGBTQIA+ community, particularly focusing on the murder of Renee Nicole Good. The conversation delves into the emotional responses elicited by such violence, the intersection of privilege and identity, and the unique challenges faced by later-in-life lesbians. Miriam shares her insights on the psychological implications of these events, emphasizing the importance of community support and the need for deeper understanding of women's experiences in the queer community. Together, they reflect on their personal journeys of coming out and the ongoing struggles for safety and acceptance in society.Read Anne-Marie's article 'Renee Good Will Not Be Erased' on Substack: https://annemariezanzal1.substack.com/p/renee-good-will-not-be-erased-onRead Miriam's article about Renee Good, 'The Thing Later-in-Life Lesbians Don't Get' here: The thing Later-in-Life Lesbians don’t get - blue skies❓ What to Expect in This Episode:✨Discussion about sexual minority stress that arises from violence against Queer bodies.✨Real talk about white privilege and how that factors into vulnerability of LGBTQ individuals.✨A declaration from Miriam to no longer smile and placate men, and why.✨A spectrum of emotions in the wake of the killing of Renee Nicole Good, from anger to sadness and all of the grief in between.You can find Miriam Grace online at https://blue-skies.org.uk/ 💬 Join the Conversation:What is sitting with you since the murder of Renee Nicole Good? How are you coping in the wake of recent ICE related tragedies? Let's talk about it in the comments.🔗 Visit our website:Anne-Marie's : [ annemariezanzal.com]🔗 Follow us on social media:💠 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amzanzal💠 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/💠 Twitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzal💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment/
• The Road That Led to Me: Becka Eppley's Story 16.01.2026 49min

  Authentically Us is a support community for later-in-life LGBTQ women at all stages of the coming out and beyond process. Coming out later in life is often accompanied by suffering. Whether you're looking to deconstruct messages from a conservative faith tradition, experience divorce-related guilt, or struggle with feelings of shame around your coming out or sexual identity, Authentically Us has the right kind of support for you. Monthly subscription to Authentically Us on Mighty Networks is $35/month, but you can try your first week for free. Find Authentically Us at https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us Becka Eppley is an author, storyteller, communications director and later-in-life lesbian who works with authors, coaches and community builders to help share their truth. In this episode, Becka shares her (fairly recent) experience of stepping into her authentic sexuality – a journey that entailed deconstruction from a conservative faith tradition, divorce, challenging notions of personal value, womanhood, and landing on the letter of the LGBTQIA acronym that felt right for her. This is a wonderful episode for anyone who is early in their coming out journey, as it addresses many of the challenges and concerns that women who come out later in life routinely face.❓ What to Expect in This Episode:✨Lots of discussion around faith deconstruction and sexual identity.✨Practical talk about boundary setting with family.✨An exploration of societal norms and how they impact the coming out process.✨The joys that new lesbians experience when they step outside of heteronormativity and the male gaze.You can read Becka's recently published essay, "Permission to Be," in the anthology "Avoided No More: On Writing Through Struggle, Shame, and Self-Doubt," which has a majority 5 star rating on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/243627560-avoided-no-moreBecka Eppley's LinkTree: Becka Eppley (she/her) | Instagram, Facebook, TikTok | LinktreeBecka's coming out/divorce music was Kelly Clarkson's album, Chemistry: https://youtu.be/NNcT6ycswHQ?si=WYmQ1LW0P1HVbsio 💬 Join the Conversation:Are you a later in life lesbian who has deconstructed from conservative faith, gone through a messy divorce, or who has found empowerment through storytelling? Which part of this episode resonates most with you? Let's talk about it in the comments!🔗 Visit our website:Anne-Marie's : [ annemariezanzal.com]🔗 Follow us on social media:💠 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amzanzal💠 Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/annemariezanzalcoaching/💠 Twitter: twitter.com/annemariezanzal💠LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/annemariezanzalpurposefulempowerment