Infidelity, Sexless & Tough Conversations | The Paradox of Change Podcast

Episodet

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  His Bills. Her Load. No Sex. Who Is Right? 14.09.2026 48min

  We unpack why the “mental load” debate hits so hard in a sexless marriage, and why one partner’s silence is not the absence of responsibility. She often carries the micro load: noticing, planning, remembering, anticipating what might go wrong. He often carries the macro load: work, money, safety, the pressure he never names. Both can be anxious. Both can feel unseen. And when criticism, control, and withdrawal take over, intimacy has nowhere to land. This episode is not about picking a vill...
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  Can an Affair Be Understandable in a Sexless Marriage? A Therapist Deep Dive 14.09.2026 1h 1min

  Can infidelity be wrong but understandable is a complex question that therapist Elliot Burgess and Lottie Passell-Syms delve into in this deep dive discussion. For men in a sexless marriage, the lack of intimacy can lead to emotional disconnection and touch deprivation, also known as skin hunger. This can have a profound effect on the husband, leading to feelings of rejection and low libido. In some cases, this can even lead to infidelity, as individuals may seek physical connection and intim...
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  The Comments That Stopped Us In Our Tracks | SEXLESS MARRIAGE POC47 12.07.2026 42min

  You responded to our last few episodes about Sexless Relationships, in a way we didn't expect. Thousands of comments. Hundreds of stories. Some of them stopped us mid-session.This week, Elliot and Lottie sit down to read and respond to YOUR comments - the ones that were raw, unfiltered, and at times, devastating. Men who have been living in sexless marriages for 10, 20, even 30 years. Women reflecting on their own role in the breakdown. People asking the question they've never been able to as...
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  Is she pulling away, but wants ALL the benefits? Hits different when you're a Therapist! 07.07.2026 38min

  We explore the painful reality of "forced celibacy" and the emotional distance that often precedes a sexless relationship. Using a classic scene from American Beauty as a jumping-off point, we discuss how couples often lose their connection to each other long before the intimacy stops. You may also like our last episode: https://youtu.be/_qCEI1ONAPw We dive into the complex reasons why individuals might stay in a relationship that has lost its spark—whether it's for the comfort of the lifest...
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  No SEX but wants ALL the Marriage benefits? | A Therapists DeepDive 05.07.2026 37min

  If sex is off the table but the loyalty, the dinners, the emotional availability are still expected - something in your relationship has fundamentally broken down. And nobody is talking about it honestly. In this episode, therapists Elliot and Lottie go deep on one of the most painful dynamics in modern marriage: when one partner pulls away from intimacy but still wants all the benefits. This is Part 2. Watch Episode 45 first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beK...
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  I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep Dive POC 44 - Audio 04.07.2026 44min

  This video is about POC 44 I Want Sex but NOT with YOU | Deep DiveHow to find us: https://linktr.ee/theparadoxofchange
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  I do want SEX just not with YOU 26.05.2026 37min

  On our Walk and Talk episode, we explore the reality of a sexless marriage (dead bedroom) and the silent pain of couples experiencing emotional and physical disconnection. Through raw, honest insights, we dissect how unspoken resentments, fear of rejection, and societal expectations can erode intimacy over time, and we offer practical strategies for rebuilding a genuine connection. Whether you are experiencing skin hunger, navigating a difficult season or looking to protect your relationship...
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  Is withholding Sex an infidelity - Hits different when you are a therapist | Deep Dive POC 42 11.05.2026 51min

  When Is Withholding Sex Considered Infidelity? A Deep Dive into Trust, Betrayal, and Boundaries Previous episode: • Is withholding Sex an infidelity - Hits di... We explore the complex nature of infidelity and betrayal in relationships, focusing on whether withholding sex for non-medical reasons qualifies as infidelity. With insights from therapy and real-world examples, we uncover how boundaries, micro-infidelities, and emotional shifts play a crucial role in understandin...
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  I Want YOU to Want to, hits different when you're a Therapist - Deep Dive (SEXLESS MARRIAGE) 12.04.2026 47min

  Is your partner there, but not really there? That's the silence at the heart of a sexless marriage. In this Deep Dive, Lottie and Elliot unpack why one partner withdraws physically, and why the other's attempts to reconnect keep missing the mark. Using the iconic "I want you to want to do the dishes" scene from The Break-Up, they reveal the hidden language of bids for connection and what happens when those bids go unanswered. 📖 FREE RESOURCES: https://theparadoxofchange.com 📖 Go Deeper — Fr...
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  The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist Deep Dive 25.03.2026 46min

  What actually happens when sex disappears from a relationship, and why is it so hard to talk about? In this deep dive, therapist Lottie and Elliot go beyond the surface and into the real psychological dynamics behind sexless marriages: unresolved conflict, contempt, shame, and the moment a couple quietly becomes roommates. This is the conversation most couples never have, until it's almost too late. 💬 Have you experienced this in your relationship? Drop your thoughts in the comments — we rea...
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  The Sexless Marriage Talk Hits Different When You're A Therapist 15.03.2026 30min

  Join Elliot and Lottie on an honest walk | Cheating or sexless? When one partner takes sex off the table, what happens to the other? In this Walk & Talk, therapists Lottie and Elliot unpack one of the most painful dilemmas couples face — forced celibacy in a committed relationship, loosing limerence and why it so often leads to affairs. We break down: 🔹 Why contempt and lack of communication destroy intimacy 🔹 The "Cup of Tea Syndrome" — how affairs really begin 🔹 Limerence vs love: the ...
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  Can you separate with dignity? Here's how 22.02.2026 46min

  We explore the nuanced process of conscious uncoupling, HOW TO LET GO respectfully, intentionally, and with growth at the core. Drawing from therapeutic insights, we uncover how deep self-awareness, empathy, and healthy boundaries transform separation into an opportunity for healing and new beginnings. Key topics: The limits of connection based on individual inner work Recognising and bridging the gap during relationship disconnection The importance of accountability, vulnerability, and safe...
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  Blindsided by Betrayal - Have you just found out about the affair? 19.01.2026 46min

  Lottie and Elliot talk about being Blindsided by Betrayal: Navigating the Aftermath (We Talk Cheating): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PR4-GNlDE&t=196s We delve into the emotional turmoil in the relationships, and explore the initial shock, the grief cycle, and the complex emotions that follow discovering infidelity. Through personal anecdotes and listener comments, they discuss coping strategies, the potential for relationship repair, and the importance of transparency and comm...
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  This is how to rebuild the intimate act in a sexless relationship! 08.12.2025 37min

  Welcome to The Paradox of Change - your couples therapy and relationship advice channel hosted by three experienced therapists. We believe there has to be an I before We. Struggling with trust issues, affair recovery, sexual rejection, or intimacy problems? Whether you're dealing with a sexless marriage, low libido, or rejection sensitivity - we help you build a stronger relationship with yourself first, so you can create healthier connections with others. What You'll Get: - Expert couples ...
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  The BIGGEST Misconceptions About Open Relationships 24.11.2025 1h 1min

  Lottie Passell-Syms and Natalie Wanner explore the complexities of OPEN relationships, communication, and intimacy. They discuss the impact of past trauma on current relationships, the dynamics of low desire, and the importance of accountability and radical acceptance in navigating intimacy. You may like this episode https://youtu.be/AC08xbGuadU The conversation emphasises the need for open dialogue about the intimate act and intimacy, the challenges of celibacy, and the significance of unde...
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  Why Withholding Sex Destroys Relationships 25.10.2025 27min

  Monogamy is a contract: friendship, intimacy and sex. When one stops, that contract gets broken. So what makes it acceptable to opt out of intimacy with your partner? In this raw and honest conversation, Elliot and Lottie Passell-Syms explore the grief, loss and identity crisis that follows when sex disappears from a relationship, and ask the difficult question: should you give him sex? This episode delves into the complexities of desire, power dynamics and the real reasons couples stop conne...
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  Is This Your Discomfort or Mine? Navigating Disability Conversations POC-31 22.09.2025 39min

  We have an honest talk with with Poppy Tiltman, who's here to share her perspective on disability without the usual sugar-coating. In this candid episode, Poppy makes one thing clear from the start: she doesn't want to be your inspiration, and she's not here to make you feel good about yourself - thats your job! Living with cerebral palsy and autism, Poppy cuts through the typical feel-good narratives that surround disability discussions. Instead, she offers her genuine experience - what it'...
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  The One Thing That Predicts Relationship Success 08.09.2025 42min

  The secret to lasting love isn't about finding the perfect partner or mastering communication techniques. There's one fundamental question that predicts whether your relationship will thrive or fail: "Can I be me with you?" If you are searching for relationship repair or relationship advice, this might be the show for you. In this deep-dive conversation, Elliot and Lottie explore the core elements that determine relationship success, from emotional safety and vulnerability to the crucial rol...
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  Military Anxiety: From Crippling Dread to Helping Others Heal 24.08.2025 1h 17min

  Former Royal Navy Lieutenant Commander Jamie Leaper shares his powerful journey from military service to becoming a therapist - and why being part of the 20% of male counsellors is changing how men engage with mental health. In this honest conversation, Jamie discusses: • The reality of military-to-civilian transition anxiety • Why the "veteran" label can be harmful • How injury recovery challenged his perspective on heroism • Why men are finally engaging with therapy • The importance of aut...
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  Are Men Okay? 01.08.2025 58min

  Is there a Crisis in Masculinity? Elliot and James Penny from Flex Your Feelings podcast, tackle one of today's most controversial topics head-on! In this honest conversation, we explore: - Why modern men feel lost and confused about their identity - How social media algorithms are warping masculine role models - The shocking truth about what schools are teaching boys about masculinity - Why "toxic masculinity" is being confused with healthy masculine traits - The missing positive male role...