The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast

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  Episode 2: Is It Really About Money? The Connection Between Attachment, Childhood, and Financial Anxiety 15.09.2026 15min

  How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Relationship With MoneyThe Family Trauma Therapist Podcast — Episode 2What does your attachment style have to do with money?More than you might think.We often think of attachment in terms of romantic relationships—whether we're anxious, avoidant, secure, or somewhere in between. But attachment is about something much bigger:Safety.From the time we're children, our nervous systems are learning whether the world—and the people we depend on—are safe, predictable, trustworthy, and responsive to our needs.And those early experiences don't necessarily disappear when we become adults.In this episode, we're exploring the connection between attachment, family trauma, childhood experiences, and our relationship with money.Because sometimes the way we save, spend, avoid, monitor, or pursue money isn't just about money.It may also be connected to what money has come to represent emotionally: safety, control, freedom, worth, stability, love, or survival.In this episode, we explore:Attachment Is Really About SafetyAttachment isn't simply about romantic relationships.We talk about the role of:Emotional safetyConsistencyPredictabilityCo-regulationTrustHaving our needs metAs children, we learn through our experiences whether we can rely on others when we have a need—and those experiences can influence how our nervous systems respond to uncertainty later in life.As adults, we may continue looking for ways to create safety and predictability, including through our relationship with money.What Are Money Scripts?We introduce the concept of money scripts, developed by financial psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz.Money scripts are beliefs and assumptions about money that can influence how we think, feel, and behave financially.We discuss four common patterns:Money Avoidance“Money is bad” or “I don't deserve money.”Money Worship“More money will solve my problems.”Money Status“My financial success determines my worth.”Money Vigilance“I have to constantly monitor and protect my money.”And an important reminder: most people don't fit neatly into one category.Our financial beliefs and behaviors can be complicated, contradictory, and influenced by many different experiences.How Attachment Patterns May Intersect With MoneyWe explore how different attachment patterns may influence our relationship with financial uncertainty, without assuming that everyone with a particular attachment style will respond to money in the same way.Anxious attachment may involve:Looking to money for reassuranceFear of financial instabilityDifficulty tolerating uncertaintyEmotional spendingWanting financial certaintyA question to consider:“When I feel financially uncertain, what happens inside of me?”Avoidant attachment may involve:Avoiding financial tasksStrong independenceDifficulty asking for helpAvoiding conversations about moneyDiscomfort with shared financesAsk yourself:“Do I avoid finances because I don't care—or because engaging with them brings up something uncomfortable?”We also explore disorganized attachment and the possibility of a cycle involving:Control → overwhelm → avoidance or impulsivity → controlAnd finally, we talk about what a more secure relationship with money might look like.Financial security doesn't necessarily mean having tons of money.It can mean being able to:Tolerate uncertaintyCommunicate openlyMake mistakes without shameAsk for helpSeparate your worth from your incomeMake intentional financial decisionsWhat Did Money Look Like In Your Family?This is where our childhood and family experiences become especially important.Consider:Were your parents constantly fighting about money?Was money unpredictable?Did you frequently hear, “We can't afford that”?Were financial problems hidden?Was wealth associated with being “good” or successful?Did you learn that having needs made you a burden?Did money become a way of controlling other people?Did financial instability force you to grow up quickly?Sometimes we're not just carrying our own financial experiences.We're carrying beliefs passed down through generations.This is where our relationship with money can intersect with family trauma and intergenerational patterns.How Can We Change These Patterns?Changing your relationship with money starts with becoming curious about the story underneath the behavior.Try asking yourself:What did money mean in my family growing up?What emotions come up when I think about money?What do I believe money says about me?What financial behaviors do I repeat even though I don't like them?What feeling am I trying to create—or avoid—with this behavior?Is this belief actually mine, or is it something I learned?What would a more secure relationship with money look like for me?The TakeawayHealing isn't about becoming perfect with money.It's about becoming more aware of the emotional patterns underneath the way we relate to it.Sometimes what looks like a budgeting problem is actually an anxiety problem.Sometimes what looks like irresponsibility is avoidance.And sometimes what looks like ambition is actually a desperate attempt to finally feel worthy or safe.The goal isn't to judge these patterns.It's to understand them.Because when we understand where our beliefs and behaviors come from, we have more choice in deciding what we want to carry forward—and what we want to leave behind.Read the BlogIf this episode resonated with you, I encourage you to read the companion blog:How Your Attachment Style Shapes Your Relationship With Money👉 https://faiththerapyandwellness.com/blog/how-your-attachment-style-affects-your-relationship-with-moneyFollow The Family Trauma Therapist on InstagramFor more content about family trauma, attachment, dysfunctional family dynamics, relationships, boundaries, and healing, follow along on Instagram:👉https://instagram.com/thefamilytraumatherapistAbout The Family Trauma Therapist PodcastThe Family Trauma Therapist Podcast is hosted by Faith Forero, LCSW-S, LCDC, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant.This podcast explores the ways childhood experiences, family dysfunction, trauma, attachment, and intergenerational patterns can continue to shape our relationships, mental health, boundaries, and sense of self as adults.If you've ever wondered, “Why do I keep doing this even though I know it's not helping me?”—this podcast is for you.If you enjoyed this episode, like, subscribe, and follow the podcast so we can get this message out to the rest of the world.DisclaimerThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, medical advice, diagnosis, or other professional care. The information shared should not be used to diagnose yourself or someone else or as a replacement for individualized treatment. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consult with your own qualified mental health or medical professional. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thefamilytraumatherapistpodcast.substack.com
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  Episode 1: Are They Weaponizing Incompetence—or Do They Really Believe They Can't? 08.09.2026 25min

  Are They Weaponizing Incompetence—or Do They Really Believe They Can't?The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast — Episode 1Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Are they actually incapable of doing this… or have they just learned that if they do it badly enough, I’ll eventually do it for them?”Welcome to the very first episode of The Family Trauma Therapist Podcast!In this episode, we’re talking about weaponized incompetence—what it is, what it looks like in relationships and families, and why it can be especially complicated when you grew up in a dysfunctional or emotionally unsafe family.But there’s an important question we don’t always ask:What if they aren't intentionally manipulating you? What if they genuinely believe they can't?When you've grown up in a family where responsibilities weren't shared equally, where one person became the “responsible one,” or where mistakes weren't tolerated, you may have learned to automatically step in and take over.And sometimes, what looks like weaponized incompetence isn't actually someone thinking, “If I do this badly, they'll do it for me.”Sometimes it's a person who has genuinely internalized the belief:“I can't.”In this episode, we’ll explore the difference between weaponized incompetence, learned helplessness, avoidance, and genuine lack of confidence or skill—and why the distinction matters.In this episode, we talk about:What weaponized incompetence actually meansHow weaponized incompetence can show up in romantic relationships and familiesThe difference between “I won't” and “I can't”How childhood family roles can influence how we respond to responsibilityWhy some people become chronic “fixers” or over-functionersHow growing up in chaos can teach you to take over before someone even asksThe connection between incompetence, shame, avoidance, and learned helplessnessHow to tell whether someone is genuinely struggling or avoiding responsibilityWhy continuing to rescue someone may unintentionally reinforce the patternWhat healthier boundaries can look likeHow to stop automatically taking responsibility for everyone else's responsibilitiesA question to considerBefore labeling someone as incompetent—or assuming they're weaponizing incompetence—ask yourself:“What happens if I don't step in?”And then ask:“Am I helping this person, or am I reinforcing their belief that they can't do it without me?”Because sometimes the work isn't figuring out how to get someone else to change.Sometimes it's learning how to stop over-functioning for them.Read the full blog postWant to dive deeper into this topic?Read the full blog post:https://faiththerapyandwellness.com/blog/weaponized-incompetence-vs-learned-helplessness-whats-the-differenceFollow along on InstagramFor more conversations about family trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, relationships, attachment, boundaries, and healing:Follow @thefamilytraumatherapist on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/thefamilytraumatherapistAbout The Family Trauma Therapist PodcastThe Family Trauma Therapist Podcast is hosted by Faith Forero, LCSW-S, LCDC, and EMDRIA Approved Consultant.This podcast explores what happens when you grow up in a chaotic, dysfunctional, addicted, or emotionally unsafe family—and how those experiences can continue to affect your relationships, boundaries, self-worth, nervous system, and mental health as an adult.If you've ever thought, “Why am I still affected by this?” or “Why is my family dynamic following me into adulthood?”—you're in the right place.If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to like, subscribe, and follow the podcast so we can get this message out to the rest of the world.DisclaimerThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, medical advice, diagnosis, or other professional care. The information shared should not be used to diagnose yourself or someone else or as a replacement for individualized treatment. If you are struggling with your mental health, please consult with your own qualified mental health or medical professional. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thefamilytraumatherapistpodcast.substack.com