How To Love Yourself No Matter What

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  329. What If It Wasn't You? Internalized Blame with Maggie Reyes 10.09.2026 56мин

  Something goes wrong and your very first thought is "what did I do?" An unexpected meeting lands on your calendar and you spend the whole week reviewing everything you might have messed up. Someone's in a bad mood and you're already scanning for how it was you. That reflex has a name, it's called internalized blame, and it is not the same thing as taking responsibility for your life. It's the thing that keeps you small, quiet, and convinced there's no solution because the problem is you.In this episode I'm joined by my mentor, my friend, and the reason I'm a coach at all, Maggie Reyes. Maggie is a feminist marriage coach and she's been part of my life since 2018. We talk about the difference between personal responsibility (which shows you where your choices are) and internalized blame (which just tells you something is wrong with you), why women get this messaging everywhere all the time, and what to do when you catch yourself blaming yourself for blaming yourself. Maggie shares the question she gives every client who does this, the pattern interrupt she gave a client whose thoughts felt like an assault, and the one thing she wants you to remember when you feel stuck in a job or a relationship past its expiry date.I told the "doing an Amanda" story again on this one, and Maggie told me what her mom used to say to her in Spanish. It turns out both of us grew up being ridiculed for things that were just our brains doing their thing. We also got a spider on my clock mid-recording and Maggie looked up what it means. Apparently it's personal power and being the author of your own life. I'll take it.Key Takeaways:Personal responsibility asks "what was my role in this?" and moves you forward. Internalized blame says "something must be wrong with me" and leaves you in shame with no way out.Being embarrassed that you fell down, bumped into something, or lost your balance is blaming yourself for being human. Humans fall. Humans bump into things. That's not going away.When in doubt, assume it wasn't you. Yes, it feels arrogant. Do it on purpose anyway, because the honest truth is most of the time it isn't you and you never even consider that.Ask "what else is also true?" You don't have to suddenly think amazing things about yourself. You just have to make room for the other nine things that are also true.When the thoughts come in like a rampage, don't fight them. "Thank you. I hear you. That may or may not be true." Say it as many times as you need to. Tug on the rope and the dog pulls harder.You have choices. Most of us stay in situations that hurt us because we get amnesia about that. "What are my choices here?" is the question that changes everything.Call to Action:Book a call with me: If you listened to this and heard yourself in it, if your first reaction to everything is "what did I do," I want to talk to you. It's a free call, just you and me on Zoom, and we'll figure out what's actually going on and what you want to do about it.You are not the only one. I promise you that.About Maggie Reyes:Maggie Reyes is a Master Certified Life Coach, feminist marriage coach, and mentor on a mission to help women find their power in all their relationships—starting with marriage. She works with high-achieving women whose marriages are loving, respectful, and quietly stuck, helping them create meaningful change without waiting for their partners to participate first.Maggie hosts The Marriage Life Coach Podcast (top 2% globally, 200+ episodes) and is the author of the bestselling Questions for Couples Journal. Her background in HR leadership in the cruise industry and at a multi-state law firm gives her a sharp read on power dynamics and high-stakes communication that translates directly into her coaching.Based in Miami, Maggie is a Cuban-American Filipina who brings a compassionate feminist lens to her work. She's currently obsessed with Heated Rivalry, and also loves Formula One and Bridgerton.Links Referenced:amandahess.ca/bookacallMaggie's website: https://maggiereyes.com/Maggie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themaggiereyes/The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: https://maggiereyes.com/podcastQuestions for Couples Journal: https://maggiereyes.com/
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  328. The Anti-Hero: Why Nothing You've Tried Has Worked 04.09.2026 1ч 9мин

  Somewhere along the way, you were taught there was something wrong with you. How you looked, how you spoke, how you were in the world. So you spent years trying to prove that wrong, and no matter how hard you worked at it, you kept coming up short. You don't feel like a hero. A lot of days, you feel like a loser. That's where this class starts, and it's why I called it The Anti-Hero.This episode is the replay of the live class I taught this week, and I did it differently than I ever have. No slides. Just me, a whiteboard, and the women who showed up. In it I walk you through why the voice in your head never shuts up (it's not what you think, and you can't think your way out of it), what emotions actually are and why you've been playing whack-a-mole with them, and why shame is always a liar. I teach you the 3 steps I use with every woman I coach, in the order they have to happen: regulate, allow, think on purpose. And I tell you about the girl in the Babysitters Club books who I was never going to be, and why Loki is the character I want you to think about instead.I also cried on this one. I didn't plan to. I was telling the story of the first time someone said to me "you were never the problem," and it caught me. I left it in, because that moment is the whole point of this class.Key Takeaways:The person you've been measuring yourself against was never real. No woman has ever been her, and you were handed her anyway.That voice in your head isn't keeping you honest. It's your nervous system stuck in survival, and you can't reason with a body in panic.Regulation isn't "calm down." It's pebbles on the other side of the teeter totter, small and daily, until the hard days don't tip you.You don't need to tolerate more emotion. You need to grow your capacity for it, the same way you'd build a bicep.Shame is a liar. It was trained into you, and anything that was trained in can be untrained.It's not "how do I do this." It's "who do I need to become." You're one belief away, not one strategy away.Book a call with me: If you listen to this and something in you goes "oh, that's me," I want to talk to you. It's a free call, just you and me on Zoom, and it might be the first time you've had someone completely on your side while you say the thing out loud.Book it here: amandahess.ca/bookacallYou are not the only one. I promise you that.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/bookacallWatch the class on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po3p72xhYOE
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  327. The Secret to Crushing Burnout: A Chat with Annabelle 27.08.2026 47мин

  Today I have my client Annabelle on the podcast, and I'm so glad she said yes.When Annabelle and I first started working together, she was sitting in the car with her husband in tears. They had just moved from Denver to Northwest Arkansas with a 4 year old and no family nearby, she had opened a business a few months earlier, and she was working 12, 13, 14 hours a day. Not sleeping. Not eating. Opening her laptop first thing in the morning and adding to her to do list at 2am. And still feeling behind.If you have ever thought "if I just work harder, I'll finally catch up," you are going to hear yourself in this conversation.A year later, Annabelle doesn't work evenings. She doesn't work weekends. She doesn't open her computer on a Sunday. She has time with her son that she's actually present for, and her business has grown, not shrunk. Her husband left his job to come work with her.We talk about what changed and how she did it. The 15 minute walk that sounded almost too simple to matter. Deciding when she stops working for the day, and then actually stopping. The guilt that came with both. Why her to do lists were making everything worse, and what she does instead now. How she stopped treating other people's emergencies like her own, and what it took to believe she was allowed to.And I want to say this clearly, because Annabelle owns a business and you might not: none of this is about business. This is about what happens when you're rushing, guilty, and behind in your own life, and nobody ever showed you another way to live it.In this episode:Why working harder keeps you feeling behind instead of caught upRegulating your nervous system in a way that actually feels good, not like another item on the listThe guilt loop: guilty at work, guilty at home, present nowhereBoundaries that hold, and the belief you need underneath themWhy perfect isn't available and what to aim for insteadLetting things off your plate without deciding you failedAnnabelle designs beautiful custom closets at Up Closets of NW Arkansas. If you're in the area, go look her up. Find her here: https://upclosets.com/nw-arkansas/You are not the only one. I promise you that.Takeaways:Working harder is not what gets you caught up. It's what keeps you feeling behind.Your nervous system comes first. Everything else you're trying to fix sits on top of it.A 15 minute walk sounds too small to matter, and it changed everything for Annabelle.If you don't plan it, you won't do it. That goes for rest as much as anything else.A boundary isn't something you ask other people to keep. It's something you decide and then hold.Nobody's emergency has to become your emergency.Perfect isn't available. Calm and honest is, and it works better anyway.Letting something off your plate is not failing. It's choosing where your time actually goes.You can have a full life and a growing business without burning yourself down to get it.Want to explore working with Amanda? https://amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  326. If Punishing Yourself Worked, You'd Have Healed By Now 21.08.2026 18мин

  If punishing yourself worked, you'd have healed by now. That's a line I said in a class recently, and I can't stop coming back to it. Most of us have been taught that when we're not getting what we want in life, the fix is to punish ourselves. We just don't call it that. We call it "holding myself accountable," or "making sure I don't make the same mistake twice," or needing a system and a list and someone to keep us on track. It hides in all these reasonable-sounding places, and underneath it is the same quiet belief: that there's something about me I need to fix.In this episode I talk about where that belief comes from, how far back it goes, and why it was never yours to carry in the first place. I share how "making a mess" got baked into my identity as a kid, and how so many of us walk around with a version of that: the hot mess, the scattered one, the one who's bad with money or bad with love. And I get honest about what actually happens when we beat ourselves up for it. We shrink. We get smaller and less visible and less willing to go build the life we actually want. You can't make big waves with your wings when you've convinced yourself you're the size of a fly.I also tell you about throwing my hip out this week training for a figure skating competition, and the exact moment my brain tried to turn it into proof that I should have known better. Having your own back isn't something you master once. It's a practice you come back to, one moment at a time.Key Takeaways:If punishing yourself actually worked, you'd already be healed. You've tried it for years, and it keeps doing the opposite of what you hoped."Holding yourself accountable" is often self-punishment in disguise. It hides in the lists, the systems, and the "hot mess" identity we carry around.The stories about who you are (scattered, clumsy, bad with money, bad with love) were baked in during childhood. They were never the truth about you.Beating yourself up makes you shrink. You get smaller, less visible, and less able to create what you actually want.Radical acceptance of a messy life beats chasing a perfect one. Show me a person and I'll show you a messy life. Perfection is a setup, not a standard.Real change comes from learning to have your own back: regulating your nervous system, growing your capacity for big emotion, shifting your perspective, and setting boundaries, again and again over time.Come to my free class: I'm running a free class called The Anti-Hero on Monday, August 24th at 12:00 PM Pacific. It's all about shame, and about learning to have your own back in a way you've probably never heard before. Come find out what it feels like to stop being the woman who's always punishing herself, and imagine who you get to be on the other side of that.Save your seat: amandahess.ca/shame1You are not the only one. I promise you that.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/shame1
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  325. Invisible Sin: The Truth About The Woman Who Cheats 13.08.2026 27мин

  Today we're talking about something I've wanted to make an episode about for a long time: infidelity. Specifically, the woman who cheats.If that's you, I already know you're carrying a crushing weight — the secrecy, the panic, the shame society piles on top. Because we've all been told that cheating is the ultimate, unforgivable relationship sin. But after years of coaching and hundreds of women, here's what I've come to believe: cheating is the symptom, not the start. It almost never shows up in a vibrant, healthy relationship. It shows up after years of what I call the invisible sins — chronic emotional neglect, stonewalling, contempt, weaponized incompetence, being starved of affection and visibility. The partner who looks great on paper while you slowly disappear inside your own home.This is a judgment-free zone. I'm not here to make excuses or decide who's right and who's wrong. I'm here to explore what was actually happening, what was missing, and how you move forward.So I ask the questions I ask in coaching. Before the affair ever started, what were you tolerating every day? Who did you get to be with someone else that you weren't allowed to be in your own relationship? Was it about the sex, or the feeling of being wanted and prioritized after years of feeling like furniture?Here's the part almost nobody says: the perpetual giving is what created the vacuum in the first place. You were never taught how to know what you want. You were taught to perform — be a good girl, look good, keep it all together — and then you woke up one day feeling nothing. That's not selfishness. That's what happens after a lifetime of being told your desire is dirty and your job is to keep everyone else okay.I don't do the shame-to-guilt thing you see all over the internet. Guilt is just as damaging as shame. And no — if you're listening to this, you are not a narcissist. What you need isn't more punishment. You've been holding yourself accountable every single day, or you wouldn't be here. What you need is to learn how to have your own back, how to move through the heavy feelings instead of shoving them down, and how to turn want and desire back on in every part of your life. When those things come online, everything else gets easier.You were never the problem. And you are not the only one. I promise you that.The free class: I'm teaching a class on all of this called The Anti-Hero — because you can be the hero of your own life even if nobody else sees it. Monday, August 24th at 12:00 PM Pacific, about an hour, completely free. Sign up at AmandaHess.ca/shame1 or through the link in the show notes. I'd love to see you there.Takeaways:Infidelity is often viewed as the ultimate sin, but let's be real: relationships can be super complicated and messy, with many hidden issues lurking beneath the surface.Cheating is more of a symptom than the root cause of relationship problems, highlighting the need for deeper self-awareness and understanding of personal desires.Many women don’t even know what they want due to societal pressures to perform and be ‘good,’ leaving them feeling empty and unfulfilled in their relationships.In the quest for happiness, it’s crucial to learn how to advocate for yourself and embrace your desires, rather than feeling guilty or ashamed for wanting more from life.Emotional neglect and invisible cruelties in relationships often lead to infidelity, as individuals seek validation and fulfillment outside their primary partnership.To truly move forward from any shame or guilt surrounding infidelity, it's essential to tackle those feelings head-on, developing a stronger sense of self and what you truly desire.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/Shame1
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  324. Everybody is not an idiot. Not even you. Why changing this one belief will change your entire life for the better 06.08.2026 24мин

  This episode is all about judgment: why we're so quick to hand out labels, and what happens when we stop. It started with a lightbulb moment at a family gathering that turned into a bit of a masterclass in how fast our brains reach for judgment over understanding.We're digging into why choosing to believe that everyone — yes, even the guy who just cut you off in traffic — is doing their best can genuinely change how you move through the world. When we trade judgment for empathy, we lighten our own emotional load and make room for better relationships, too.Grab your drink of choice and settle in — because understanding ourselves is the first step to understanding everyone else.Takeaways:In a world filled with judgment, understanding that everyone is doing their best can radically transform our personal interactions and emotional well-being.Our brains naturally categorize actions as good or bad, but breaking free from this binary thinking can lead to more compassionate relationships.Being a life coach means navigating through my own judgments while helping others; it's a continuous journey of self-discovery and empathy.When we approach difficult interactions with understanding rather than judgment, we create an environment where everyone can thrive, including ourselves.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacallinstagram.com/theamandahess
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  323. Leaning Into the Messy Life — Why Deciding Life Is Supposed to Be Messy Will Save Your Happiness 30.07.2026 12мин

  Life is messy. Yours, mine, everyone's. And somewhere along the way we decided that was the problem. Something to clean up before we're allowed to be happy.It's not.I'm Amanda Hess, certified life coach, and this episode is about a trap I watch women live in for years. The "I'll be happy when." When the house is calm. When the hard thing is over. When I finally have it together.The messy and the hard don't come in a separate box from the beautiful and the fulfilling. Same box. Same life. It's 50/50, and that's not proof you're failing. That's just how it works.So we stop waiting for the mess to clear. We lean in. And then we do the part that actually shifts things. We stop obsessing over what we're doing wrong and we start looking at what we want. Where we're going. Because that's the question that matters, and it's the one most of us never get to. We're too busy grading ourselves.Takeaways:The mess isn't blocking the good life. It's part of it. Stop waiting for a cleaner version that was never coming."Once I clean this up, then I'll thrive" is the trap. The hard and the beautiful come together. Same life, same day, both at once.Life is 50/50. When you stop reading the hard half as proof you're behind, you can finally be where you actually are.Drop the idea of "normal." Chasing it keeps you measuring your life against a standard that doesn't exist.The move that changes everything: stop obsessing over what you're doing wrong and start building what feels right. What do you want? Where are you going? That matters more.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  322. Summer Shame: Why Sunshine Doesn't Always Equal Happiness 23.07.2026 20мин

  Summer isn’t always the sun-soaked paradise we imagine it to be, and today, we’re diving headfirst into the sticky, sometimes cringe-worthy world of summertime shame. It’s a unique flavor of shame that creeps up on us when we’re basking in the sun, and trust me, I’ve seen it pop up in all sorts of unexpected places. Whether it’s about how we look in a swimsuit or feeling like we should be doing more with our sunny days, this episode is all about unpacking that baggage. Together, we’ll explore why this shame is so prevalent and how it can drive our behaviors in ways that leave us feeling less-than-stellar. So, grab your favorite fruity drink, kick back, and let’s chat about how to recognize, confront, and ultimately embrace our summer selves without the guilt trip!Takeaways:Summer isn't just about sunshine and good vibes; it can also bring out some serious shame that we need to tackle head-on.Understanding our shame during summer activities helps us reclaim our joy and embrace our bodies just as they are, flaws and all.Shame often hides in the dark corners of our minds, but by bringing it into the light, we can explore and process it effectively.Shifting our perspective on beauty standards allows us to redefine what we find beautiful about ourselves, moving away from societal pressure.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  321. Why You Don't Have a Self-Love Problem, But a Shame Problem 16.07.2026 22мин

  Here's this episode: I'm going after the thing nobody wants to name.Everyone tells you the problem is that you don't love yourself enough. It's not. The problem is shame. That's it. That's the whole thing. Shame is what shows up the second you're anything less than perfect, and every single human on the planet has it — but women get handed a bigger pile of it. We're taught to feel shame about our bodies, our parenting, our work, the way we take up space in a room.So no, I'm not going to tell you to love yourself harder. I'm going to ask you to look at the shame first.I get into where it actually shows up — standing at a party feeling like you don't belong, swallowing what you were about to say in a meeting because some part of you decided it wasn't worth hearing. I tell you about my own. Because you can't love your way past something you won't look at.Self-love isn't a place you arrive at. It's what happens when you stop running from your shame and get to know it instead. That's how you get your power back.Takeaways:Self-love isn't about lacking shame; it's about embracing and navigating through it effectively.Shame is a universal experience; we all feel it, but it's how we handle it that matters.We're socialized to feel shame, especially as women, which can sabotage our self-worth and happiness.True self-love is an active, ongoing process, not just a one-time affirmation in front of a mirror.Links referenced in this episode:amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  320. Take Back Your Life: The Case Against Responsibility Hoarding 09.07.2026 13мин

  Are you a responsibility hoarder? Well, if you've ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, this episode is right up your alley! We’re diving headfirst into the intriguing concept of responsibility hoarding, a term that packs a punch and might just hit a little too close to home for some of us. We chat about how many of us take on responsibilities that are way outside our control, often at the expense of our own well-being. And guess what? It’s not just about the big stuff; those little things we worry about can pile up like laundry after a Netflix binge! So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a snack (or a plant, if you’re feeling fancy), and let’s unravel the layers of what it means to hoard responsibility and how we can break free from the shackles of other people's expectations. Trust me, by the end, you’ll see that the only responsibility you really need to focus on is your own fabulous self! Ever found yourself in a pickle, feeling like you have to hold the universe on your shoulders? Welcome to the world of responsibility hoarding, where we take on the emotional weight of others, believing it’s our job to fix or manage their lives. In this engaging episode, we unpack the nuances of this behavior, diving deep into its roots and implications. Our conversation is peppered with real-life scenarios and a touch of humor, making the heavy topic of emotional responsibility feel a little lighter. We talk about the classic symptoms of responsibility hoarding, like being a people pleaser or feeling the need to control others’ emotional responses. Through a mix of thoughtful commentary and witty banter, we guide listeners to reflect on their own tendencies and consider the liberating truth that we are only responsible for ourselves. By the end, you’ll be equipped with insights that could revolutionize the way you approach relationships and self-care, all while having a few chuckles along the way!Takeaways:In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of responsibility hoarding and how it affects our mental well-being.Are you a responsibility hoarder? Spoiler alert: it’s more common than you think, and it’s time to let go!We explore the fine line between being responsible and taking on burdens that aren’t ours to bear, so grab your thinking cap!Funny enough, being a collector of responsibilities can bring joy, while hoarding them? Not so much, and we break it down.You can only control your actions, thoughts, and feelings—everyone else is off the hook, and that’s liberating, right?Join us as we uncover how to shift the focus back to self-love and responsibility for oneself, not others.Links referenced in this episode:show-notesapple-podcastsbook a discovery call: https://amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  319. Sometimes the Truth Doesn't Serve You 25.06.2026 14мин

  Alright, folks! So today we’re diving headfirst into the wild world of self-criticism and the liberating idea that sometimes, the truth just doesn’t serve us. Picture this: you drop a glass and suddenly you’re the clumsy villain of your own story! But guess what? It’s time to flip the script! I’m here to chat with you about how our interpretations of our little blunders can spiral into a tsunami of self-loathing, and how we can break free from that cycle. We’ll unpack the notion that how we perceive our mess-ups—big or small—can shape our confidence and overall vibe in life. Trust me, realizing that life is messy and that we don’t need to play the blame game can be a total game-changer. So let’s kick that guilt to the curb and learn to be our own biggest cheerleaders instead! Ready? Let’s roll!Takeaways:Life is messy and embracing that messiness allows us to approach our emotions and experiences with more grace and understanding, instead of blame.Understanding that our perceptions of truth can often hinder our growth is vital for personal development and emotional resilience.Rather than focusing on whose fault it is when something goes wrong, we should ask ourselves how to move forward and what we can learn from the situation.Shame and guilt are unhelpful emotions that can prevent us from making progress; instead, we should learn to be kind to ourselves and focus on constructive actions.The narrative we create about ourselves in moments of failure can either propel us forward or hold us back, so we must choose our words carefully.We often believe that attributing blame leads to accountability, but in reality, it can create more negativity; let’s focus on solutions instead.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall
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  318. Navigating Family Drama Like a Pro: Patterns, Pleasing, and Perception! 18.06.2026 15мин

  Alright, folks, let’s dive into some juicy family dynamics! Today, we're peeling back the layers on why family gatherings feel like stepping into a well-rehearsed play where everyone knows their lines—especially those cringe-worthy ones. The real kicker? It’s not about the events themselves; it's about the patterns we’ve been stuck in since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. We're talking about those age-old scripts we keep repeating, and trust me, they’re not as random as you think. Spoiler alert: it’s your nervous system playing tricks on you, making you time travel back to your childhood every time Uncle Bob brings up politics at the barbecue. So grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s explore how we can break those patterns without putting the blame on anyone else—because, really, who has the energy for that?Takeaways:Navigating family dynamics often unveils deep-rooted patterns that we unknowingly perpetuate, impacting our emotional well-being.The key to transforming how we interact with family involves reframing blame and focusing on personal accountability instead.Our nervous systems have been conditioned from childhood to react in predictable ways during family gatherings, leading to emotional time travel.Mastering the art of storytelling about our experiences can significantly alter our emotional responses and improve our overall happiness.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall
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  317. Accountability Or Self-Love — The hidden shame of motivation and accountability 11.06.2026 21мин

  DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU SET A GOAL, PUSH HARD FOR A FEW DAYS—AND THEN FALL OFF AND WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?Like no matter how many times you try, you can't seem to make yourself do the things you say you want to do?If that's you, this episode is going to change how you see yourself.Because it's not that you're lazy. And it's not that you lack discipline.It's that the fuel you've been using to motivate yourself is actually working against you—and no one has ever shown you what to use instead.In this episode, I'm breaking down why accountability and motivation fail most people, what's really underneath the cycle of trying and quitting, and what it actually takes to build habits that stick long term.In This Episode, I Cover:Why motivation and accountability alone will never be enoughThe real reason you can push for a few days—but can't make it lastHow shame becomes the hidden fuel behind most "self-improvement" effortsWhy using self-hatred as motivation has a built-in breaking pointThe difference between forcing yourself and genuinely wanting to show upWhy love is a more powerful motivator than frustration, disappointment, or disgustHow to get specific about why you actually want what you wantWhy your brain resists new habits—and why that doesn't mean anything is wrong with youThe practical steps to remove barriers and make showing up easierHow to talk to yourself the night before so you actually follow throughThe toddler analogy that reframes everything about self-disciplineWhy a D-plus effort is still better than nothing—and how to own thatWhat regulated accountability actually looks like versus dysregulated forcingHow to flex when life gets in the way without quitting entirelyWhat changes when you stop using guilt and start using radical self-acceptanceKey TakeawayYou don't have a motivation problem. You have a fuel problem.Shame, guilt, and self-disgust can push you for a few days—but they will always break down. They are not a long-term solution.What actually works is getting specific about why you want what you want, removing the barriers between you and the action, and learning to redirect yourself with kindness instead of force.You don't need to be harder on yourself. You need to be more honest—and more loving.InvitationI'm running JuneTube all month inside the Love Yourself No Matter What community—weekly trainings, weekly lives, and everything you need to actually use these tools and create a different kind of summer.To get access, grab the free End Overthinking Five-Minute Reset Ritual at:👉 joinamanda.caYou'll get the audio training plus an invitation to everything happening in June.Ready to Go Deeper?If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me.We'll talk about what's going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit.Book here: amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect With MeIf this episode resonated, I'd love to hear from you.Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahessOr visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together.Featured on the Show:Book a free consultation call with meSend me a DM over on InstagramHelp Other Women Find This PodcastIf this episode resonated with you, or you know someone who needs to hear it, please share.Leave me a review on Apple Podcasts and let me know what topics you would like to hear.Don't miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.
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  316. What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle You (When Coaches & Therapists Shame You) 04.06.2026 14мин

  What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle YouThere is a systemic failure happening in the helping industry — and nobody is talking about it.Coaches and therapists are opening emotional doors they are completely unprepared to sit in. And when you show up authentically — crying, angry, overwhelmed, resistant — instead of being held, you get shut down. Pathologized. Shamed into getting small.I'm recording this one hot, because it happened to me today. And I need you to hear it.What I cover in this episode:The $25,000 business mastermind where I was told they'd "move on" while I cried — and how it took me months to recover my confidenceBeing interrupted mid-share and told to mute myself and come back with a "more appropriate" shareBeing told by a business coach — twice — that I needed therapy, not coachingWhy this isn't a you problem — it's a capacity problem on their endWhy shutting down emotion doesn't protect the client — it retraumatizes themWhat trauma-aware support actually looks like in practiceClients who've been fired by therapists for being "too emotional" — and why that's an industry failure, not a client failureWhat it looks like when all of it is welcome: crying, anger, resistance, circling, even lying — none of it pathologizedThe truth I keep coming back to:Shame is the mechanism used to make you small. When someone in authority responds to your emotion with dismissal or redirection, the message that lands is: what you just did was wrong. And you shrink. You manage yourself. You stop showing up fully.That was never your shame to hold.You are allowed to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. There are helpers — coaches, therapists, friends, partners — who won't reject that. Your job is to find them.If this resonated:Book a free discovery call with me: amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect on Instagram: @theamandahess
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  How To Become The Woman You Secretly Want To Be 28.05.2026 22мин

  Do you ever feel like there’s a version of you that wants more out of life…More joy.More confidence.More freedom.More YOU.But every time you try to move toward her, something pulls you back?In this episode, we’re talking about identity, possibility, and why becoming the woman you want to be has less to do with “fixing yourself” and more to do with what your brain believes is possible for you.I share a story from figure skating that completely shifted how I think about growth and identity, and why being around people who are already doing the things you want to do changes your brain faster than trying to force yourself to believe differently.We also talk about:Why sensitive women often stay stuck in old identitiesHow your environment shapes what feels possibleWhy your thoughts are not factsThe psychology behind seeing other people do what you want to doWhy your brain resists change (even when you WANT it)What Rick Rubin calls the “lazy brain”Why more possibility creates more freedomThe connection between anxiety, emotional heaviness, and purposeWhy you don’t need to “fix” yourself to create a different lifeHow coaching, support, and community help you expand your identityThe biggest takeaway from this episode:You are not as stuck as you think you are.Sometimes your brain just needs evidence that another way of living is possible.And when you start surrounding yourself with people, spaces, and conversations that expand what feels possible…you start becoming someone new without even realizing it.If this episode resonated and you want support applying this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me here:amandahess.ca/bookacallConnect with me on Instagram:@theamandahess
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  314. Silence Your Inner Critic: The Power of Quiet Time 21.05.2026 16мин

  Today I’m talking about something I see constantly in women who are overwhelmed, emotionally reactive, anxious, or stuck in survival mode: the inability to slow down and be alone with themselves.So many of us are constantly doing. Working, parenting, helping everyone else, consuming self-help, listening to podcasts, journaling, trying to improve ourselves, trying to stay productive — and while none of those things are bad, eventually we lose our connection to ourselves.In this episode, I’m talking about:Why constant doing can keep us emotionally dysregulatedWhat emotional reactivity actually isHow fear of feeling keeps us stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and fawnWhy silence feels uncomfortable for so many womenThe importance of emotional safety and nervous system regulationHow to build the ability to feel emotions without becoming consumed by themSmall ways to slow down and reconnect with yourself throughout your dayThis episode is a reminder that healing is not always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about creating enough space to finally hear yourself again.Key TakeawaysEmotional reactivity isn’t just about outward behaviour — it’s when emotions are running your internal experience.Many women stay busy because being alone with themselves feels unsafe.Constant input and productivity can disconnect us from our bodies and nervous systems.Fear of emotion creates chronic fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses.Emotional safety is something we can build over time.Small moments of silence and grounding matter more than you think.Healing is not about white-knuckling your way through life.Quotes From This Episode“All of your life is not a doing problem. It’s a being problem.”“The more emotionally safe you feel, the more able you are to allow emotion.”“If everything you do is designed to get rid of emotion, you’re going to live in fear.”“We live in a society that is perpetually inputting into us — and we never give ourselves space to release it.”“Silence is a skill. Being alone with yourself is a skill.”Call to ActionIf this episode resonated with you and you’re realizing how much of your life has been spent in survival mode, I’d love to support you.You can book a free discovery call at:👉 amandahess.ca/bookacallTogether, we can look at what’s keeping you emotionally stuck, how to create more emotional safety, and whether coaching is the right next step for you.
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  313. How to Build a Fuck Yes Life With a Sensitive Brain 14.05.2026 19мин

  Let me tell you, if you’ve ever felt like you just can’t shake off a past hurt, you’re in for a treat. We’re diving into the fascinating world of trauma—what it really is and why it affects us all differently. I’m talking about the sneaky ways that emotional pain can manifest in our daily lives, from the tone of someone’s voice to the way silence can feel like a punch in the gut. It turns out that our brains are wired to keep us safe, but sometimes, they misinterpret signals and lead us down a rabbit hole of anxiety and fear. We’ll unpack why trying to simply ‘think’ your way out of it is like trying to use a spoon to dig a hole—it’s just not going to work! Instead, I’ll share some insights on how to work with your nervous system to create a sense of safety and stability in your life. Plus, I’ve got a brand new free class coming up that’s perfect for anyone feeling stuck in the cycle of overthinking. It’s time to learn how to prioritize your feelings without guilt and start living a ‘fuck yes’ life—one that’s truly yours!Takeaways:You might think you're overreacting, but your brain is just processing trauma differently than others.Replaying conversations is not a flaw; it’s your brain's way of trying to create safety after emotional pain.Feeling anxious or reactive isn't a logic issue; it's a feelings problem that needs to be addressed with care.It's crucial to realize that your needs are just as important as everyone else's, not optional.Suppressing emotions only makes things worse; you need to learn how to process feelings effectively.A 'fuck yes' life is about prioritizing your own desires and needs, not waiting for others to validate you.Links referenced in this episode:amandahest.ca/bookacall
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  312. You Don’t Need More Self-Improvement 07.05.2026 13мин

  Alright friend, grab your gardening gloves because today we’re talking about something really important: how to create a life that actually blooms.The biggest takeaway from this episode?I think we spend way too much time pulling weeds and not nearly enough time planting flowers.You know how in spring we clean out our gardens? We pull out the dead stuff, clear the weeds, make space for something new. I really think we need to do the same thing mentally and emotionally too.So many women are walking around completely focused on what’s wrong. What’s wrong with them. What’s wrong with their relationship. Their body. Their job. Their life. And while yes — sometimes we absolutely do need to deal with the weeds — I don’t think healing is supposed to just be endless weeding.At some point, we also have to plant flowers.In this episode, I talk about:Why constantly “fixing yourself” can actually keep you stuckThe difference between pulling weeds and creating beautyNervous system regulation that actually feels supportive and doableWhy pleasure matters more than most women realizeHow kindness, rest, joy, and unconditional love change your lifeWhy so many women are burned out from trying to hold too many platesHow to start creating a life that feels full instead of just managedI also share why figure skating is one of the biggest nervous system regulators in my own life, and why the things that light you up emotionally are not frivolous — they’re necessary.This episode is really an invitation to stop living in constant maintenance mode and start intentionally creating a life you actually want to be inside of.Because the truth is:If all we ever do is pull weeds, we end up exhausted.But when we start planting flowers?Everything changes. 🌸Want to talk to me directly? Book a free discovery call here:amandahess.ca/bookacall
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  311. Why Mantras & Journaling Aren’t Working (And What To Do Instead) 30.04.2026 13мин

  If you’ve been repeating affirmations, journaling your thoughts, and still feeling stuck… we need to talk.Because it’s not that you’re doing it wrong.It’s that these tools aren’t actually designed to create the kind of change you’re looking for.In this episode, I’m breaking down why mantras and journaling often don’t work—especially for sensitive, self-aware women—and what to do instead.Mantras can create internal conflict when your brain doesn’t believe what you’re saying.Journaling can turn into rumination that reinforces the exact patterns you’re trying to break.So if you’ve ever felt like:“I should be further along by now”“I know better, so why am I still stuck?”“I’ve done so much work, why hasn’t anything really changed?”This episode will land.I’m going to show you a different way to work with your brain—one that actually creates emotional buy-in, shifts your beliefs, and changes how you show up in your life.✨ In This Episode, I Talk About:Why mantras often feel empty (and can actually increase anxiety)How journaling can quietly reinforce negative thinking patternsThe role your survival brain is playing behind the scenesWhy your beliefs—not your thoughts—are what need to changeThe real skill that creates confidence, calm, and lasting changeHow asking better questions can completely shift your emotional state🔑 What I Want You To Take Away:You don’t need to force yourself to think positively.You need to learn how to question what you’re thinking in a way that actually opens something up.💭 Try This Instead:Next time you feel stuck, don’t reach for a mantra.Ask yourself:What if this isn’t actually true?What would be possible if I believed I was enough?How would I show up if I felt fully accepted?Let your brain answer. That’s where the shift happens.💬 Want Help With This?This is exactly the work I do with my clients.If you’re ready to stop spinning in your head and actually create change that feels real and sustainable, you can book a call with me:👉 amandahess.ca/bookacall📲 Come Say HiIf this episode resonated, DM me on Instagram or TikTok. I’d love to hear what landed for you.Links referenced in this episode:amandahessbookacalltheamandahess
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  310. Why You Feel “Too Emotional” (And Why You’re Not) 23.04.2026 16мин

  If you’ve ever thought “why am I so emotional?” or felt like you’re just too sensitive for this world, this episode is going to shift everything.Because what if the problem isn’t your emotions…but what you’ve been taught to believe about them?In this episode, I’m breaking down the hidden conditioning that makes sensitive women feel weak, overwhelmed, or “too much”—and why that narrative is not only false, it’s keeping you stuck.We’ll talk about:Why being emotional has been framed as a flawHow society profits from you believing something is wrong with youThe real reason you feel overwhelmed, reactive, or “too much”Why trying to fix yourself is making things worseThe powerful shift from problem-focused → desire-led livingHow to start trusting your sensitivity instead of fighting itIf you’re a deeply feeling, intuitive woman who’s tired of trying to be less…this is your permission slip to stop.🎧 What You’ll Walk Away WithA completely new way to understand your emotional experienceRelief from the belief that you’re “too much” or brokenA starting point for working with your sensitivity instead of against itA powerful reframe that opens the door to more peace, energy, and self-trust💬 Ready to Go Deeper?If this episode hit home and you’re ready to stop overthinking, people-pleasing, and feeling stuck in your own emotions…Book a free discovery call with me:👉 https://amandahess.ca/book-a-callWe’ll talk about what’s going on for you and map out what real support could look like.🔁 Share This EpisodeKnow someone who feels like they’re “too emotional” or struggles with sensitivity?Send this to her. It might be exactly what she needs to hear.