A Codependent Mind

Епизоде

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  S1 - #1 Codependency - Origins 08.07.2022 32мин

  What is codependency? And from where do codependent behaviors emerge? Every 'codependent' has an origin story. This is Brian's. The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V Our new book is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook format! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT * We have learned a lot as we have done this podcast. One thing Brian realized is that he underestimated the impact his parent's behaviors, particularly his father's, had on him. We talk about his father a little in the next episode on Trauma, but if you want to hear his updated thinking on the topic, you can listen to Season 3, episode 5, Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin In this episode: 00:01:41 What is codependency?00:04:47 History of the word00:08:01 Codependency as maladaptive behavior habits00:09:49 Origins of Brian’s codependent behavior habits00:25:44 The specific behaviors that form ’codependency’   Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.    Find us on Instagram @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]
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  S1 - #2 Codependency and Trauma 08.07.2022 28мин

  Often codependence behaviors emerge as a response to trauma. What is trauma? How is it different then other stressful, even violent, events? What is it like to live with unhealed trauma? This is Brian's story.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode: 00:00:55 What is trauma?00:02:38 Working definition of trauma00:05:01 Chronic or complex trauma00:06:10 Family dynamics00:09:21 The lasting effects of trauma00:12:24 Codependent behaviors as trauma responses00:16:03 Trauma and helplessness00:18:17 Trauma triggers00:22:55 Interpersonal trauma * We have learned a lot as we have done this podcast. One thing Brian realized is that he underestimated the impact his parent's behaviors, particularly his father's, had on him. If you want to hear his updated thinking on the topic, you can listen to Season 3, episode 5, Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin Website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ We appreciate likes, follows and reviews as it helps other people find the podcast.   
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  S1 - #3 Codependency and Trauma Bonding 08.07.2022 38мин

  In this episode, Stephanie and Brian discuss the concept of trauma bonding within codependent relationships, particularly focusing on two of Brian's past romantic relationships characterized by abuse and narcissistic behavior. They highlight the two key ingredients necessary for trauma bonding: a power imbalance and intermittent abuse. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Brian describes his first partner, referred to as "R," as a successful narcissist who engaged in narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. The abuse focused on undermining Brian's self-esteem and identity, making him feel inadequate and ashamed. Despite the abuse, Brian felt emotionally tied to R, partly due to the intermittent nature of the abuse and the occasional displays of love and care. Stephanie mentions that Brian had financial, social, and intellectual resources, which adds complexity to the question of why he stayed in these relationships. Brian explains that his low self-esteem and lack of agency, developed from early traumatic experiences, led him to believe that he needed to change and fix himself to make the relationships work. In one instance, a therapist suggested a separation period during Brian's first relationship to find himself outside of the abusive dynamic. However, Brian couldn't detach herself from the trauma bond and continued trying to change herself to please his partner. After his first abusive relationship ended, Brian quickly entered into another one that lasted for four years. In this new relationship, He encountered another abusive narcissist, "J", although this person was less socially and emotionally successful, making their flaws more evident to others. There was an initial love bombing phase in both relationships, where Brian received excessive attention, flattery, and compliments. Despite feeling disoriented and recognizing some red flags, Brian struggled to establish boundaries due to his codependency and low self-esteem.  J's abuse was somewhat different than R's. It involved explosive coercive language and anger, and featured manipulation and seeking sympathy. Brian describes going into a "turtle shell" during abusive episodes to cope. We discuss how trauma bonding can distort one's sense of self and agency, making it challenging to leave abusive relationships or even recognize the abuse. Brian's experiences highlight the importance of understanding trauma bonds and their profound impact on codependent individuals. 00:00:41 Definition of trauma bonding00:01:31 Key ingredients of a trauma bond00:04:43 Brian’s trauma bond with R00:05:44 Gaslighting explained00:07:42 Brian’s trauma bond with J00:08:50 Love bombing explained00:13:33 How the trauma bond worked00:22:30 The internal battle00:25:51 Shame00:35:18 Trauma bond vs intimacy   Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Find us on Instagram @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]
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  S1 - #4 Codependency and Narcissism 16.07.2022 34мин

  Narcissists are an especially dangerous and toxic pairing for people with codependent behaviors, due to the way each person’s maladaptive behaviors work together. In this episode we discuss the general characteristics of narcissism and then detail Brian's two, back-to-back, romantic relationships with abusive narcissists.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode: 00:01:25 Common characteristics of narcissist 00:02:18 The codependency - narcissism connection 00:03:59 Narcissistic abuse 00:05:21 The beginning of relationships/lovebombing 00:10:20 Financial control 00:12:09 The narcissist’s script 00:12:47 A portrait of R 00:15:19 Gaslighting example 00:21:16 A portrait of J 00:31:10 A tale of two narcissists   Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. Find us on Instagram @codependentmind Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
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  S1 - #5 Codependency and Lack of Agency 29.07.2022 25мин

  What is involved in the concept of 'personal agency'? How is agency or its lack connected to codependent behaviors? We explore Brian's experience with those questions in mind. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode:00:02:44 Personal agency defined00:04:51 How it develops/gets interrupted00:07:41 Lack of agency and vulnerability to abuse00:11:45 Codependent behaviors as an expression of powerlessness00:14:13 Codependency and chronic victimhood00:15:45 Moral agency and shame00:19:48 Resentment   Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Find us on Instagram @codependentmind  Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
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  S1 - #6 Codependency and Shame 14.08.2022 30мин

  Shame evolved to give us information about the world. But trauma induced shame can be overwhelming and crippling, even life-threatening. Understanding the role shame played in his life and fueled his codependent behaviors, was key to Brian's healing process.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode: 00:01:32 Shame vs Guilt and Embarrassment 00:05:32 Why does shame exist? 00:10:07 How narcissists use shame 00:12:20 Freezing and avoiding 00:14:57 Self-destructive behaviors 00:15:30 Shame venting 00:17:28 Shame rage/resentment 00:19:29 Telling stories to avoid shame 00:21:12 Compartmentalization 00:24:11 Shame and abuse   Find us on Instagram @codependentmind to ask questions or share your story.
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  S1 - #7 Codependency and Emotional Immaturity 27.08.2022 30мин

  The process of learning what emotions are and how manage them was interrupted for Brian at a very early age by abuse and trauma.  Because of that, he never really learned how to identify his emotions or what to do with them.  This amounted to emotional immaturity and made it difficult for him to form healthy, intimate relationships and left him vulnerable to further abuse and trauma. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode: 00:02:29 The term emotional immaturity 00:03:13 Emotional intelligence 00:05:42 Brian’s emotional avoidance 00:09:45 Good vs bad emotions 00:10:42 Emotional dysregulation 00:16:02 Compartmentalization 00:23:56 Emotions as a source of fear 00:27:36 Recap of season 1 Find us at: codependentmind.com
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  S2 - #1 Healing Codependency - Getting Started 10.09.2022 42мин

  This season explores how Brian worked to ’re-make’ his codependent mind. In this episode we discuss the challenges that Brian faced in getting started on that process and what was needed for him to begin to heal.
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  S2-#2 Healing Codependency - Emotional Development 23.09.2022 45мин

  In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode we discuss the steps that Brian took to repair the damage done to his emotional system by abuse and trauma. From capacity building through understanding and now working on mastery, Brian has been able to tame the chaos that has dominated his inner emotional life and learn to trust himself and his emotions.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:02:09 Emotional agency00:03:08 Shame and fear00:04:18 Decision making00:07:10 Healing the emotional substructure00:13:30 Managing shame00:28:31 Capacity building to understanding00:39:50 De-compartmentalization    Find us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/  
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  S2 - #3 Healing Codependency - Re-Writing Stories 07.10.2022 37мин

  Stories are powerful tools to help us understand ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately for Brian, many of the stories he adopted or told did just the opposite - served to further cloud and obfuscate what was happening in his internal and external life. In this episode we discuss how he uncovered the true stories of who he was and what had happened to him.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:02:01 The role of stories00:03:32 Compartmentalization00:05:05 Social scripts00:09:39 Abuse and stories00:19:26 Lying and shame00:22:08 Re-writing processFind us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/
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  S2 - #4 Healing from Codependency - Breaking the Powerlessness Habit 23.10.2022 39мин

  Even after largely healing from the trauma that started Brian down the path of codependency, he was still left with the behaviors that formed in response to that trauma. So although the source of the codependency had been removed, the symptoms, the habituated behaviors, lingered and kept showing up in his relationships in the form of a default sense of powerlessness. In this episode, we discuss what he is doing to finally kick the powerlessness habit.
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  S2 - #5 Healing Codependency - Loving a Codependent Mind 06.11.2022 26мин

  In this episode, we flip the script and Stephanie discusses her experiences loving, and trying to form a relationship with, someone who engages in codependent behaviors.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:03:03 Stephanie's past00:04:35 Jekyll and Hyde00:08:39 Inauthentic caretaking00:11:49 Dishonesty00:14:16 Shame00:17:35 Learning about codependency   Find us on Instagram @codependentmind
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  S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries 20.11.2022 39мин

  There is a lot of talk about personal boundaries these days - having them, respecting them, enforcing them. But what exactly are personal boundaries? Brian and Stephanie do a deep dive into the concept of boundaries. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:04:53 Back to the boundary basics00:10:22 Boundary violations00:14:20 Misuse of boundaries00:17:29 Boundaries vs wants, needs and expectations00:25:54 Monogamy00:29:12 Boundaries and codependency Find us on Instagram and Facebook @codependentmind
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  S3 - #2 Beyond Codependency - Diagnosis 02.12.2022 30мин

  Codependency is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. What does that mean and does it matter? And what is a diagnosis anyway? How can it help or hurt the healing process? Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Find us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/  
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  S3 - #3 Beyond Codependency - People Pleasing 16.12.2022 25мин

  People pleasing sounds good. Why wouldn't we want the people in our life to be pleased? In this episode we explore the connect between people pleasing and codependency and discuss the problems people pleasing can create if it becomes a habitual response to others. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:02:06 Evolution of people pleasing00:05:38 People pleasing as a strategy to avoid abuse00:08:59 The fawn trauma response00:12:58 Negative consequences00:16:08 People pleasing and intimacy00:21:49 Controlling behavior If you are enjoying this show, please follow, like or review. That will please us ;)    
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  S3 - #4 Beyond Codependency - Relationships 01.01.2023 52мин

  In this episode, we talk about the different kinds of relationships Brian has had in his life - with abusive people, with other 'codependent's, and with 'healthy' people. Stephanie and Brian discuss how they connected even though Brian was still struggling with codependent behaviors, some of the challenges they faced and how they worked through them.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:01:09 'Healthy' people 00:04:16 Relationships with narcissists/abusive people 00:11:25 Relationships with other codependent or disordered people 00:21:17 Brian and Stephanie's relationship 00:27:56 Intimacy and shame 00:31:12 Trust 00:43:33 Attraction Esther Perel podcast episode "The Addict" on Apple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-addict/id1237931798?i=1000393763538 Esther Perel podcast episode "The Addict" on Spotify  - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zfYUpAknf9zxsUOF6XKOY    
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  S3 - #5 Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin 12.01.2023 40мин

  In this episode we take the opportunity to talk more about Brian's 'family of origin' and how it had more of an effect on the development of his codependent behaviors than either of us realized. Brian discusses his father's anger issues, his mother's emotional immaturity, and the impact these had on his childhood and later relationships. He also expresses a newfound understanding and empathy for his parents' limitations and a sense of empowerment in how he can navigate his family relationships moving forward. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:01:47 Reluctance to discuss family issues00:05:57 Parental anger00:12:33 Parental depression/codependency00:15:55 Positive family dynamics00:18:12 Lasting effects00:32:24 New understanding Instagram: @codependentmind Email: [email protected]
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  S3 - #6 Beyond Codependency - Shame Venting 26.01.2023 32мин

  If shame is not resolved, it can just build up and up until the pressure of trying to suppress it gets to be too much.  Then what do you do with it? One way Brian attempted to relieve the pressure from his pent up shame was 'shame-venting' or over-sharing. We discuss how shame-venting works as well as other, unsuccessful ways that Brian attempted to manage his unresolved shame.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Email questions or comments  - [email protected] Find us on Instagram @codependentmind.com 
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  S3 - #7 Beyond Codependency - The Serenity Prayer 08.02.2023 28мин

  The Serenity Prayer is often said at 12-step meetings like Alcoholic Anonymous and even Codependent Anonymous. But it can challenging to enact, especially if you were caught in codependency's web as Brian was. Now that he has recognized and recovered from a lot of his codependent habits, he has a new understanding of and appreciation for it.  Serenity Prayer - God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Email questions or comments  - [email protected] Find us on Instagram @codependentmind.com   
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  S3 - #8 Beyond Codependency - Listener Questions 24.02.2023 34мин

  In this episode, we answer listener questions.  00:00:52 Question 100:14:04 Question 200:22:43 Question 3 1. Was there ever a time you felt like the investment in helping Brian break through his trauma was too much for you or not healthy for you? 2. How do you take the power back from the other side of a trigger? How do you stand against those negative feelings? 3. What kind of resource did you use/would you recommend? Mentioned: Esther Perel's podcast "Where Should We Begin" The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Please rate/follow/review. It helps other people find the podcast. Email questions or comments  - [email protected] Find us on Instagram @codependentmind.com