Chemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition)

Avsnitt

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  01. YYZ Prelude — Why It's Important, Toronto 18.11.2025 15min

  In this prelude to the Toronto series, Principal Investigator Olivier Ferlatte introduces Toronto host Bradley and a diverse group of guests—Brian, Jordan, Matthew, Reid, Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler. Together, they explore the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? The conversation highlights the power of unfiltered narratives to break down stigma, build community, and foster authentic connection, setting the stage for the deep dives to come.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services. 🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  Université de Montréal (School of Public Health): The academic home of the research project led by Olivier Ferlatte.
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  02. YYZ Sagacity-Pt. 1 — Hey Bradley 18.11.2025 25min

  Investigator Olivier introduces Toronto host Bradley to unpack the complexities surrounding PnP/chemsex. Moving beyond medical or criminal definitions, they discuss the necessity of centering lived experience to challenge deep-seated stigmas. Bradley shares his personal journey and graduate research on "slam sex," reframing it as a site of community care rather than just risk. Together, they challenge the misconception that "chemsex is a stupid thing done by stupid people," exploring how storytelling can dismantle judgment and foster a nuanced understanding of connection.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Toni Morrison: Cited by Bradley as an inspiration ("If you don't see yourself in what you're reading, write your own story").  Michel Foucault: Philosophically referenced regarding power and control. 
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  03. YYZ Sagacity-Pt. 2 — Party People 18.11.2025 22min

  Investigator Olivier and Bradley explore the specific nuances of Toronto’s party community. They discuss the city's unique activism, the politics of harm reduction, and the definition of community itself as the ultimate resource. Bradley reflects on the courage required to share personal stories in a stigmatized world, emphasizing how authentic narratives foster empathy and challenge the dominant "war on drugs" mindset.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  Université de Montréal (School of Public Health): The academic home of the research project led by Olivier Ferlatte. 
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  04. YYZ Balance-Pt. 1 — Hey Brian 18.11.2025 28min

  Toronto host Bradley introduces Brian, who is celebrating his one-year anniversary of sobriety from crystal meth. Their conversation explores the complex intersection of sex and addiction, the challenges of seeking help, and the vital role of community in recovery. Brian shares personal insights on finding balance and the importance of peer support. This episode offers a candid look at the resilience required to navigate life after PnP/chemsex.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  CMA (Crystal Meth Anonymous): 12-step fellowship for recovery from crystal meth.  HQ (Toronto): Health and community centre for cis guys and trans folks into guys (Mentioned for their "Method" program).  Casey House: Specialty hospital in Toronto providing care for people living with HIV/AIDS.  GMCN: Gay Men's Coffee Night & Brunch in Toronto. 
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  05. YYZ Balance-Pt. 2 — Doggie Style 18.11.2025 26min

  Toronto host Bradley resumes his conversation with Brian. The discussion centers on the grounding power of pets, revealing how Brian’s dog remained a vital link to humanity and a "non-negotiable boundary" during active use. Brian opens up about his personal approach to harm reduction—"divorcing Tina" while navigating other choices—and the necessity of radical honesty. The episode underscores the resilience required to "grow a new identity" and the life-saving impact of non-judgmental support.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  HQ (Toronto): Health centre mentioned for their "Method" program and supportive staff.  CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health): Where a neighbor checked in after Brian’s honest conversation. 
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  06: YYZ Insight-Pt. 1 — Hey Jordan 05.02.2026 31min

  Toronto host Bradley introduces Jordan to redefine chemsex not just as substance use, but as a distinct culture. They decode the community's shared language—like "Capital T" and "Mild 2 Wild"—and challenge the narrative that "sober sex" is inherently more authentic. Jordan shares his personal history of using substances to navigate social anxiety, offering a nuanced perspective on harm reduction that prioritizes research and trusted connections over abstinence. This episode invites listeners to look beyond stigma to understand the community’s multilayeredness. If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  The Velvet Rage: Book by Alan Downs, exploring the psychology of growing up gay in a straight world. 
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  07. YYZ Insight-Pt. 2 — Queer Kin & Kicks 05.02.2026 27min

  Toronto host Bradley and Jordan explore the vital "duty of care" within queer communities. Jordan shares how he found brotherhood in the party scene, often stepping in to support friends where state systems fail. They discuss the political dimensions of drug use, the distinction between fitting in and true belonging, and the professional challenge of resisting the "model drug user" trope. This episode reflects the courage to build kinship and define family on one's own terms.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.    🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  The Velvet Rage: Book by Alan Downs, contextually referenced regarding shame and validation. 
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  08. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 1 — Hey Matthew & Reid 05.02.2026 27min

  Toronto host Bradley introduces Matthew and Reid, two "experienced flyers" who defy typical labels. Matthew, a grad student researching prisoner poetry, shares his history of living "on the skip"—navigating homelessness while managing undiagnosed mental health struggles. Reid offers a contrasting perspective, discussing his entry into the scene in his late 50s and the distinction between isolated "partying" and connected "chemsex." The conversation explores the systemic failures pushing people into drug use, reframes addiction as a "super soldier" survival mode, and challenges listeners to see the human resilience beneath the stigma.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  Park Cruising: What Happens When We Wander Off the Path: Book/research on cruising spots and laws in Toronto by Toronto lawyer Marcus McCann.  Michel Foucault: Referenced in relation to "necropolitics" and power dynamics.  Bosch's "Ship of Fools": A historical/philosophical reference used by Matthew to describe the displacement of marginalized people. 
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  09. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 2 — Being Inside 05.02.2026 26min

  The discussion shifts to the collision between chemsex and the criminal justice system. Reid recounts a harrowing false accusation of unlawful confinement that led to a terrifying detainment and a "negotiation with the universe" to quit meth. Meanwhile, Matthew shares the stark reality of spending 383 days in prison following an HIV non-disclosure charge. The episode examines the lasting trauma of incarceration, offering a critique of a system that criminalizes mental health and HIV status rather than offering support.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.    🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  Chemstories.ca: The central hub for the project and resources.  HIV Legal Network: Contextually relevant regarding HIV non-disclosure laws (though not explicitly named in the snippet, it's the implied legal framework).  Legal Aid Ontario: Implied through the discussion of navigating the court system. 
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  10. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 3 — You=You 05.02.2026 23min

  Matthew and Reid challenge traditional labels, with Matthew rejecting the term "addict" and framing his past use as a closed chapter. Reid explores how the U=U revolution (Undetectable = Untransmittable) reshaped his belonging, moving him beyond the "poz-only" safety of online groups. The conversation candidly examines the difficulty of loving an active user while maintaining one's own stability, the trap of becoming a "provider of shelter," and a humorous, honest redefinition of being "fine."    If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.    🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable): The global campaign and scientific consensus that people with HIV on effective treatment cannot pass it on sexually.  Prevention Access Campaign (PAC): Global non-profit organization dedicated to saving lives and ending the HIV epidemic by making Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) a reality for all people living with HIV. 
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  Bonus. YYZ Wisdom-Pt. 4 — Velvet Mourning 05.02.2026 25min

  In this bonus leg of the Wisdom flight, the conversation turns to the "velvet mourning" of widowhood. Matthew discusses the tragic loss of his partner to an overdose, while Reid recounts the isolation of grieving a partner of nine years who had never come out to his family—resulting in the erasure of their relationship at the funeral. The discussion explores navigating cumulative grief, from the AIDS crisis to the present, and how they find spiritual grounding. They conclude by reflecting on the necessity of boundaries and why disconnecting from the "using" community was vital for their well-being.    If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.    🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  "George Street": To read the full text of Matthew's poem.
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  11. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 1 — Hey Christoph, Edwin, & Tyler 05.02.2026 27min

  Toronto host Bradley welcomes Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler—who together boast a combined 122 years of lived experience with drugs. They unpack the local lexicon, debating the clinical term "chemsex" versus the community-preferred "party," and discuss the subtle ways ("the look") they recognize other community members. The group reflects on diverse origin stories—from liberating first experiences in the rave scene to using substances as a shield against trauma. The conversation challenges sensationalized narratives, exploring how drug use has served as a tool for profound shifts in perspective, sometimes making them kinder or more self-aware, while acknowledging the inherent risks.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services. 
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  12. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 2 — The High Life 05.02.2026 31min

  The conversation dives deep into the hierarchies and double standards within the party community—specifically the stigma surrounding "slamming" (injecting) versus smoking or snorting. Edwin introduces the concept of the "street nurse" or "admin"—a role he plays to ensure safety and aftercare for others—while the group debates the ethics of intervening when a fellow partier is struggling. They also tackle the internal work required to maintain integrity while using, discussing strategies like taking significant breaks to rediscover hobbies or refusing to keep supplies at home. Ultimately, the episode underscores that while drugs may be part of a history, they do not define a person's humanity.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services. 
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  13. YYZ Integrity-Pt. 3 — From Stigma to G-mance 05.02.2026 27min

  The group redefines stigma as active oppression that creates borders within the community. They discuss the vital necessity of friendships to combat isolation, highlighting the importance of a non-judgmental "voice of reason." The group also explores the phenomenon of "G-mance," debating whether the intense affection felt while high is authentic or merely a chemical illusion. Ultimately, the episode underscores that despite complex boundaries, genuine care remains at the heart of their shared experience.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services. 
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  14. YUL Prelude — Why It’s important, Montreal 10.04.2026 19min

  The inaugural YUL Montreal episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? Principal investigator Olivier Ferlatte poses this to host Éric, who then gathers reflections from guests Hugues, Jean-Sébastien, Mikiki, Gabriel, Michael, and Ally. Together, they illustrate why no single narrative can capture the complexity of chemsex. This conversation explores unfiltered storytelling, the politics of voice, and how representation challenges stigma. As a prelude to the season, it underscores how personal stories foster understanding, connection, and community. If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
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  15. YUL Solidarity-Pt.1 — Hey Eric 10.04.2026 31min

  Olivier introduces Éric, a playwright and community advocate prominent in Montreal’s chemsex scene. Éric explains how his play, “Ces regards amoureux de garçons altérés”, captures the raw intensity of a 72-hour sauna session. Writing while active allowed him to portray the experience's complexity—not just the struggle, but the pleasure and the search for connection. Éric also reflects on his decade-long journey to sobriety, viewing chemsex less as a problem and more as a "solution" to underlying issues at the time. He emphasizes that his past forced him to confront his truth, ultimately allowing him to be fully present for others today.If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.   
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  16. YUL Solidarity-Pt.2 — Montreal PnP Community 10.04.2026 30min

  Éric and Olivier discuss Montreal's unique party landscape, where "progressive" vibes and 24/7 bathhouses foster an openness to substance use. Éric critiques the city’s fragile support systems, highlighting a reliance on short-term funding rather than a permanent strategy for long-term recovery.  Looking ahead, Éric previews upcoming panels on art and advocacy while candidly discussing the difficulty of finding trans and gender-diverse guests. He links this challenge to his own journey, revealing how recovery helped him embrace his non-binary identity after years of using drugs to escape rigid gender standards. The episode concludes with a call to move from fear toward compassion and action.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  🔗 Other Resources Mentioned  REZO: A Montreal-based community organization offering health and wellness services to gay, bisexual, cis, and trans men.  CMA (Crystal Meth Anonymous): Mentioned as a traditional 12-step recovery resource.  CMA Montreal: Crystal Meth Anonymous Montreal CRDM: Centre de réadaptation en dépendance de Montréal   
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  17. YUL Creativity-Pt. 1 — Hey Gabriel 17.04.2026 29min

  Montreal host Éric introduces Gabriel, a fashion designer who transforms trauma into cathartic art. They discuss his graduate collection, "SØRRY MØM," which uses a flood metaphor to depict recovery from crystal meth. The designs progress from dark, suffocating silhouettes representing the "deep end" to lighter tones symbolizing the imperfect nature of healing.  They also explore "HONEYCUM," which uses bee symbolism to address his HIV diagnosis. Gabriel reflects on the emotional intensity of sharing such vulnerable work on the runway, highlighting how creative expression serves as a vital tool for processing shame and finding purpose amidst struggle.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  Browse Gabriel's Work:  Gabriel's Linktree "SØRRY MØM" Collection "DEAR VICKY" Collection
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  18. YUL Creativity-Pt. 2 — Hey Mikiki 17.04.2026 29min

  Montreal host Éric introduces performance artist Mikiki, whose journey from "baby anarchist" to queer health activist informs their provocative work. Mikiki discusses video as an anti-market medium for activism and how complex PTSD led them to prioritize art over traditional employment.  They explore Mikiki’s video "Red Flags: A Love Letter," which reframes injection drug use through a neutral or positive lens. The conversation captures the communal reality of chemsex and the underground’s "glamour," framing creative expression as a survival strategy while navigating substance use.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.  Browse Mikiki's work:  Mikiki's website  Mikiki's "Red Flags: A Love Letter" for Visual AIDS Untitled (00.002): Performance documentation on grief and loss 00.002 projection: Multi-channel video component from the performance:  Behind-the-scenes of "Red Flags: A Love Letter" work: Instagram Reel 
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  19. YUL Creativity-Pt. 3 — The Trauma Llama 17.04.2026 33min

  Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the tension between suffering and pleasure in chemsex, challenging the narrative that addiction stems solely from pain. They reflect on how substance use initially served as an "antidote" to perfectionism and trauma before spiraling into shame and isolation.  The group discusses art's role in processing these experiences; Gabriel shares how his "DEAR VICKY" collection mourns his life before HIV while pivoting toward hope. Mikiki emphasizes curiosity over judgment and the value of humor. The episode concludes by urging listeners to embrace creative expression as a vital means of connection and survival.  If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.