Grit and Grace: Real Conversatons on Resilience, Growth and Living in Alignment

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  How to Overcome Fear of Failure (What Neuroscience Says) 16.09.2026 45dk

  Ever wonder why building muscle requires literally tearing it? Failure works the same way — and today Pam and Erin unpack the real biology behind why avoiding failure might be hurting you more than failing ever could.This isn't "failure is part of growth" as a platitude. It's hormesis — the same biological principle behind muscle growth, immune resilience, and aging — applied to your confidence, motivation, and nervous system. Andrew Huberman's research shows mistakes trigger the exact brain chemicals (acetylcholine, epinephrine, dopamine) required for real learning. Not correlated with it — required.Pam and Erin get personal: Erin's studio closing when her business partner ghosted her mid-pandemic. Pam's digital course that sold exactly 3 copies after weeks of work. The parking-lot parenting fails we all hide. And a raw look at how failure got wired into shame in childhood — not by what our parents believed about us, but by the face they made when we messed up (Stanford research).You'll also hear Pam's story about her son's 29 treatment attempts — reframed not as failure, but as extraordinary persistence.Four practical tools to change your relationship with failure:1. Vote, not verdict — every attempt is a vote for who you're becoming2. The mirror question — would I want this reaction modeled for a child?3. The blameless debrief — what happened, what did we learn, no blame (Amy Edmondson's research)4. Retroactive reframe — look back and find the true opposite meaningPlus: why "perfectionism" is often just failure-avoidance wearing a nicer name.🎧 Timestamps00:41 – The muscle-tear metaphor: why we lean into physical failure but avoid emotional failure02:56 – Erin's studio closing & business partner ghosting her05:51 – Pam's digital course flop — 3 copies sold06:56 – The "get in the car" parking lot fail09:48 – What hormesis actually is12:02 – Huberman: the brain chemicals only failure can trigger15:23 – Amy Edmondson's hospital team research & psychological safety16:39 – Childhood failure imprinting: it's the face, not the words25:08 – Reframing failure as "the necessary mess"32:07 – Perfectionism is a trauma response, not a virtue35:42 – Tool 1: Vote, not verdict36:51 – Tool 2: The mirror question38:04 – Tool 3: The blameless debrief41:48 – Pam's son: 29 treatment attempts, reframed44:06 – Closing reflectionIf this episode hit home, share it with someone who's stuck avoiding a risk because they're afraid to fail. Subscribe and leave a rating — it genuinely helps the show grow. 🙏#GritAndGrace #FailureIsData #PersonalGrowth
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  Self-Sabotage, Self-Trust & the Discipline vs. Devotion Trap: The 5 Saboteur Archetypes 09.09.2026 51dk

  Self-sabotage isn't a willpower problem — it's a self-trust problem. In this episode of Grit & Grace, Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down why self-sabotage, self-trust, and the nervous system are so deeply connected, and introduce the 5 Saboteur Archetypes: the Rationalizer, the Defender, the Justifier, the Comfort Loyalist, and the Discomfort-Averse.Pam makes the case that self-sabotage isn't a discipline problem — it's a devotion problem. Discipline says do it anyway. Devotion says love yourself enough to do it anyway. That single shift — from self-force to self-love — is the difference between habits that white-knuckle for a week and identity change that actually sticks.Erin brings the somatic lens: why avoidance dressed up as self-care or attunement gives short-term nervous system relief but erodes long-term self-trust — and shares a raw, real-time story of catching herself mid-sabotage after a family conflict.They also unpack the research behind why this works: James Clear's "votes for identity" framework from Atomic Habits, Daryl Bem's 1972 self-perception theory, Wendy Wood's research showing 43% of daily behavior is habitual, Alan Marlatt's Buddhist-rooted "urge surfing" technique, and the yogic concepts of tapas (disciplined friction) and sankalpa (heartfelt intention).And in one of the most vulnerable moments on the show yet, Pam opens up about her real-life relationship with co-host Brian Thiessen — the anxious-avoidant attachment work, the discomfort, and the devotion that got them there.You'll walk away with 5 concrete steps: name your saboteur archetype, pick one embarrassingly small non-negotiable, plan for the wave before it hits, track votes instead of streaks, and return to devotion — not discipline — the moment you slip.WORK WITH US1:1 coaching with Pam or Erin — pamrader.com and erinpayne.caInner Evolution Circle — weekly group coaching: pamrader.comBecome the Catalyst — 6-month certification, starts October 20, 2026, registration open now: pamrader.comFREE WORKSHOP — Friday, Sept 11, 2026 at 11am (Zoom)Live training on our C.O.R.E. methodology. Free for everyone — register even if you can't attend live to get the replay AND lock in a $500 discount on Become the CatalystPam: pamrader.com | IG @pamrader | YouTube @coachpamraderErin: erinpayne.ca | IG @erin_payne
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  Manifestation Blocks: The Universal Truth Behind Jim Curtis's Release, Align, Become 25.08.2026 50dk

  Why can't you manifest the thing you want — more money, the right relationship, more peace — even when you're doing everything right? In this episode of Grit & Grace, hosts Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down the real reason manifestation stalls out in the gap between wanting something and receiving it, and the missing step almost no one talks about: forgiveness.Pam and Erin unpack Jim Curtis's framework from The Book of Possibility — Release, Align, Become — and trace the same universal truth through Abraham Hicks' teaching on contrast and the "rocket of desire," David Bayer's principle that desire plus non-resistance equals your desired result, and Baron Baptiste's line, "the answer to how is yes." They share real stories: Pam's $52,000 debt and the yoga teacher training that sold for exactly $52,000; Erin's money scarcity patterns and how she manifested a $9,000 coaching program she couldn't afford; and Pam's shift from listing qualities she wanted in a partner to asking who she needed to become instead.The conversation lands on the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono — I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you — and why forgiving yourself for ever believing you weren't worthy may be the real "alignment" step between releasing an old identity and becoming the person who can hold what you want.In this episode:Why vision boards and affirmations alone don't workThe difference between chasing the "how" and trusting the lagWhy your old identity — not bad luck — is what's blocking youReal stories of manifestation through becoming, not forcingHow shadow work and spiritual bypassing can look identicalThe Ho'oponopono practice, explained simplyA better affirmation: "I am divinely guided and perfectly on time"What Pam and Erin are each manifesting right nowBooks mentioned:The Book of Possibility: Release. Align. Become. by Jim CurtisZero Limits by Dr. Joe VitaleWork with Pam & Erin: Book a free discovery call to explore 1:1 coaching: https://pamrader.com/Become the Catalyst — our six-month live coaching certification — opens for its next cohort October 20, 2026: https://pamrader.com/Grit & Grace Retreat waitlist: https://pamrader.com/gritandgraceFollow the show: Pam: instagram.com/pamrader | YouTube: @coachpamrader Erin: instagram.com/erin_payne | erinpayne.caIf this episode resonated, subscribe and leave us a review — it helps more people find the show.
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  Self-Trust, Nervous System Regulation & the CORE Method for Lasting Change 10.08.2026 44dk

  Self-trust is the missing ingredient in personal development — and it's why you can do all the "right" work and still feel stuck. In this episode of Grit & Grace, Pam Rader and Erin Payne break down the exact methodology they use with coaching clients to create lasting, sustainable change: CORE — Create Safety, Observe Patterns, Restore Self-Trust, Embody & Integrate.Pam shares the real story behind her cold plunging practice — how she started building nervous system resilience months before she consciously knew a storm was coming, and how that practice carried her through the day her marriage ended. Erin opens up about choosing herself over a relationship, and the visceral nervous system backlash that showed up the moment she took that step — even though it was exactly what she wanted.Together they unpack why shame and self-blame block transformation, how unspoken expectations quietly sabotage relationships, and why the "terror barrier" — that gut-drop feeling right before you take aligned action — is actually a sign you're doing it right, not a sign to stop.You'll learn:The CORE method for creating lasting change in any area of your lifeWhy creating safety with yourself (not a toxic-free environment) is the real starting pointA 3-part inquiry to interrupt any pattern that isn't serving youWhy "this doesn't feel right" after a big decision is often your nervous system, not your intuitionHow to embody new behavior until it becomes identity, not just insightThis episode also introduces Become the Catalyst, Pam and Erin's six-month live coaching certification launching October 2026. Applications are open now.Connect with us:Pam Rader: https://pamrader.com | IG: @pamrader | YouTube: @coachpamraderErin Payne: https://erinpayne.ca | IG: @erin_payneApply for Become the Catalyst: pamrader.comIf this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it — and leave us a rating, it helps more people find the show.
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  Meet Your Safety Officer: Dopamine, Avoidant Attachment & Why Familiar Isn't the Same as Safe 31.07.2026 47dk

  Self-trust starts the moment you stop blaming your circumstances and start naming your patterns. In this raw, funny episode, Pam Rader sits down with co-host Erin Payne and returning guest Brian Thiessen ("the cowboy") to pull apart the invisible loops that keep smart, capable people stuck in the same relationship, business, or money pattern over and over again.They introduce the "safety officer" — the protective part of you (Pam calls hers Darlene, Erin's is Diane, Brian's is Dave) that hijacks your growth in the name of keeping you safe. It's not broken. It's not weak. It's a part of you doing exactly what it was built to do — and once you see it clearly, you can't unsee it.This episode breaks down the real differences keeping you stuck in the loop:Familiarity vs. Safety — Erin's key distinction: what feels "safe" is often just familiar chaos. Real safety feels different, and most people can't recognize it because they've never actually felt itDopamine vs. Oxytocin — the chemical of wanting vs. true bonding, and why we get addicted to "dopamine hunting" instead of real connectionDiscomfort vs. Wrong — why growth is supposed to feel uncomfortable, and why "this doesn't feel right" is often the exact sign you're finally doing something differentProtection vs. Prevention — every self-sabotaging pattern exists to protect, preserve, or prevent something, and why your safety officer isn't broken, it's just doing its job too wellAuthenticity vs. Performing — Erin's real-time experiment dating multiple people at once, and the moment she noticed she liked herself with one and was performing with the othersFalse Safety vs. Real Intimacy — Brian's story of building a 22-year "safe" relationship engineered to avoid the actual risk of real closenessPlus: Name Your Officer — a simple parts-work practice for identifying your own protector, thanking it for trying to keep you safe, and moving forward anyway.Quote of the episode: "Just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's wrong."Mentioned in this episode:Parts work / Internal Family Systems (IFS)Avoidant attachment and the dopamine-oxytocin cycleBob Proctor — "as within, so without"A previous episode on authenticity vs. performing a version of yourselfConnect with us:Pam Rader — pamrader.com | IG @pamraderErin Payne — erinpayne.ca | IG @erin_payneWatch on YouTube — youtube.com/@coachpamraderIf this episode named something you've never had words for, share it with someone who needs to hear it, rate the show, and let us know what landed for you.Ready to go deeper? Join the waitlist for our Grit & Grace Retreat at pamrader.com/gritandgrace.Pam's book, Through the Cracks: A Gripping Story of Addiction and Rising: https://www.amazon.ca/Through-Cracks-Gripping-Addiction-Rising/dp/1777531608
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  The Shadow side of Grace, Boundaries and Self-Love 17.07.2026 58dk

  An Instagram reel sparked this one — a rapid-fire list of "therapy speak" turned into spiritual bypass. Pam and Erin take it further, unpacking the idea that a shadow isn't the bad stuff — it's the stuff getting a standing ovation. If it's being applauded, you can't see the pattern that's keeping you stuck.This episode breaks down the real difference between healthy behavior and its shadow twin:Giving grace vs. having no standards — and why "I'm just giving them grace" is often just tolerating bad behavior on repeatAuthenticity vs. an excuse to stay fixed — "that's just who I am" as a way to avoid becoming someone newBoundaries vs. avoidance — the two-part structure every real boundary needs, and why cutting people off isn't oneSelf-love vs. becoming uncoachable — when self-compassion turns into an excuse to dodge the mirrorNervous system regulation vs. avoidance in disguise — Erin unpacks how "protecting my peace" can quietly become "avoiding connection"Being triggered as a lifestyle — and why some people get triggered recreationallyThe healing shadow — if you've been healing the same thing for seven years, you're either being ripped off or you're the problemAbundance vs. accountability — Pam gets personal about the one area she's avoided being accountable inCommunity vs. validation for your excusesPlus: the "Standing Ovation Audit" — a four-step tool to find out where your praised traits might be costing you connection, growth, or self-trust, and one honest action you can take this week that doesn't need an audience.Quote of the episode: "The shadow is usually the thing in your life that's getting the standing ovation."Mentioned in this episode:Samskara / neuroplasticity — how old patterns get grooved in, and how new ones get builtThe snake and the rope metaphor (referenced from a previous episode)Tapas — the yogic concept of disciplined fire, and why real self-love requires itWork with us:Grit & Grace Retreat waitlist: pamrader.com/gritandgraceCoach with Pam: pamrader.comCoach with Erin: erinpayne.caIf this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it, rate the show, and let us know what landed for you.Pam's book, Through the Cracks: A Gripping Story of Addiction and Rising: https://www.amazon.ca/Through-Cracks-Gripping-Addiction-Rising/dp/1777531608/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=through+the+cracks&qid=1628019474&s=books&sr=1-2
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  "The Belief You Didn't Know You Had" — Money, Love & Being Chosen 06.07.2026 54dk

  The beliefs running your life are rarely the ones you'd say out loud. In this episode, Pam Rader and Erin Payne pull back the curtain on the beliefs hiding beneath the surface — the ones disguised as gratitude, independence, or "good enough" — and hand you a real framework for finding them.This is self-trust in action: instead of borrowing someone else's story about money, love, or worthiness, you learn to investigate your own mind and find out what's actually true for you.Pam shares the belief she thought she'd already solved — "there's always enough" — and how it quietly became a ceiling: "there's always just enough." When she asked herself what she really believed about wealthy people, she uncovered a hidden judgment that was keeping her stuck. Erin brings her own thread — the belief that not landing a client meant she wasn't chosen, and wasn't lovable — and how she caught herself in real time.Together they walk through the full six-step framework:Find the pattern — not the belief. Look for where you keep hitting the same wall.Find the judgment underneath — what do you secretly believe about people who already have what you say you want?Name the cost — specifically. Years, income, relationships, opportunities.Flip it — articulate the precise opposite belief, in your own words.Gather evidence deliberately — go hunting for proof the new belief is already true, in your life and in the world.Take consistent action from the new identity — not the old one. A belief becomes real through repeated action, not a single affirmation.They also get into:Why "I've already done this work" is often a resistance itselfThe difference between appreciation (an action) and gratitude (a state that follows it)How resistance shows up in the body before it shows up as a thoughtWhy exceeding your parents' success can quietly feel disrespectfulThe "socks on the floor" example — how a small daily irritation can reveal a much deeper belief about control and being seen as capableWhy manifestation isn't on a fixed timeline, and what to do when old patterns resurface after you've already shiftedIf you're ready to stop outsourcing your answers and start trusting your own ability to find them, this episode gives you the tool to do it.Reflect on this for yourself:Where do I keep hitting the same wall?What do I secretly believe about people who already have what I want?What has this belief cost me — specifically?What's the precise opposite belief, in my own words?Who is already living proof this new belief is true?What would someone who believes this do this week that I haven't done yet?Ready to go deeper?Explore Become the Catalyst, our six-month coaching certification launching Fall 2026, or join the waitlist for the Grit & Grace retreat at pamrader.com/gritandgrace.Connect with Erin at erinpayne.ca or @_epayne_ and with Pam at pamrader.com or @pamrader.If this episode gave you something, rate the show, leave a comment, and share it with someone who needs it. That's how we take life's grit and turn it into gold.
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  How to Stop Following Someone Else's Map and Start Trusting Yourself 23.06.2026 50dk

  Are you actually living your life — or just checking off someone else's itinerary?In this episode, Pam and Erin unpack Sadhguru's powerful Tourist vs. Traveler teaching and ask the question most of us have never dared to answer honestly: whose map am I following?Tourists go where everyone says to go. They gather evidence they were there, post the photo, and move on. Travelers slow down, follow the pull, and let the experience itself be the point. Most of us have been tourists in our own lives — in our careers, our relationships, even our parenting — without ever realizing it.Pam shares a spontaneous moment in a Naples deli that became her favorite memory of an entire Italy trip. Erin gets real about a recent work weekend she didn't want to do — and what the exhaustion was actually telling her. Together, they trace the deeper pattern: outsourcing the itinerary of your life to parents, culture, Instagram algorithms, and influencers.In this episode:The Tourist vs. Traveler metaphor and what it reveals about self-trustWhy social media has supercharged the borrowed-map problemHow to know if you're performing your life vs. actually inhabiting itThe one question to ask when you're stuck or procrastinating (it's not what you think)The brain science behind rewiring limiting beliefs — and why affirmations don't workPsycho-Cybernetics, neuroplasticity, and recalling success as a reprogramming toolPractical tools: whose map, trade the destination for a direction, presence audit, better questionsWhether it's how you parent, how you work, how you love, or how you spend a Sunday — this episode will make you pause and ask: Am I here, or am I just collecting evidence that I was?Ready to go deeper? 🎙 Work with Pam: https://pamrader.com/ 🌿 Work with Erin: https://erinpayne.ca 📲 Pam on IG: @pamrader | Erin on IG: @erin_payne 🎬 YouTube: @coachpamrader 🏔 Grit & Grace Retreat Waitlist: https://pamrader.com/gritandgrace
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  The Freedom Trap: Why You're Already Free (And Don't Know It) 11.06.2026 46dk

  Are you chasing freedom — or running from fear?In this episode, Pam and Erin are joined by returning guest Brian Thiessen 🤠 for a raw and real conversation about one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal growth: freedom.Most of us treat freedom like a destination with a locked gate — something we'll finally reach when the debt is gone, the relationship changes, the kids grow up, or the job improves. But what if that relentless pursuit of freedom is itself the trap?Drawing on Brian's years on the rodeo circuit — the ultimate symbol of the "freedom lifestyle" — the three of them unpack what it actually feels like to chase freedom on the road and discover loneliness waiting at the finish line. It turns out the cowboy riding off into the sunset is just as imprisoned as everyone else, just by different chains.In this episode, you'll explore:Why the people most obsessed with being free are often the least free — and how the fear of losing freedom becomes its own prisonThe crucial difference between freedom and relief — and why confusing the two keeps us running in circlesHow shame, "shoulds," and acquired values become invisible shackles — and what it looks like to start loosening themWhy discipline equals freedom — and how running away from responsibility is actually the opposite of what we're seekingThe somatic experience of feeling "not free" — and why the cage is in the nervous system, not the circumstancesThe God Space — that gap between stimulus and meaning where real freedom livesA simplified version of Mooji's Invitation to Freedom meditation you can do in 60 secondsWhy commitment, connection, and responsibility are not the opposite of freedom — and what actually isHow to tell the difference between your walls going up for protection versus genuinely needing to walk awayThe snake and the rope shows up here too. Most of what we're trying to escape isn't a real threat — it's old data, pattern-matched in the dark. The belief that "I'm not free" is often itself a rope seen in the dusk.The closing invitation from Pam: What if you're already free — and the only thing standing between you and that experience is the story you're believing about why you're not?Practical tools from this episode:The Freedom Audit — three questions to find out if you're actually constrained or just in a storyThe 60-Second Mooji Practice — set down every label and notice what's underneathThe Present Moment Check-In — right now, what do you actually have control over?Movement as medicine — how getting in your body is one of the fastest routes to presence and freedomGratitude for the present moment (not the past) as a daily freedom practiceConnect with us: Pam: https://pamrader.com/ | IG: @pamrader Erin: https://erinpayne.ca | IG: @erin_payne YouTube: @coachpamraderLoved this episode? Leave a rating and share with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people and grow the show.
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  Snake or Rope? How to Stop Making Decisions from Fear and Find Clarity 06.06.2026 45dk

  Have you ever sent a text, gotten silence back — and immediately decided it meant the worst?That gap between what actually happened and the meaning you assigned it? That's where most of our suffering lives. And it might be costing you some of the most important relationships in your life.In this episode, Pam Rader and Erin Payne unpack a powerful yogic teaching — the Snake and the Rope — and explore what it really means to make decisions when you're flooded with fear, anxiety, or self-protection.What you'll discover in this episode:🐍 The Snake and the Rope parable — why your mind mistakes harmless "ropes" for dangerous "snakes," and how that one error drives reactive decisions that damage relationships🌑 What "dusk" really means — the flooded, in-between state where your nervous system is predicting danger from the past and projecting it onto the future — and why this is the worst time to decide anything🧠 The sophistication trap — how the smarter you are, the more convincing your snake story becomes (and why that's dangerous)💡 The God Space — the gap between sensation and verdict where your freedom lives and where you get to choose the meaning you assign🔦 3 practical tools to move from dusk into the light:Check your light level: Am I flooded right now? Can I even trust this story?Name the storm: This is my nervous system — not a verdictAsk "What else could this mean?" — and let it be a hypothesis, not a conclusionPam shares a raw, personal story about navigating relationship uncertainty and a returning PTSD response — and how naming the experience (instead of acting on it) changed everything. Erin shares what happened when she almost ended a friendship over a conversation that was actually an act of love.The bottom line: Your mind doesn't experience events — it experiences its interpretation of events. Patience isn't a cliché. It's a nervous system skill.As Pam's grandpa used to say: "You can have a situation and get yourself bent out of shape — but then you have the same situation AND you're bent out of shape."Don't make decisions in the dusk.Resources & Links: 🌐 Pam: pamrader.com | 📲 @pamrader 🌐 Erin: erinpayne.ca | 📲 @erin_payne 📺 YouTube: @coachpamrader✨ Become the Catalyst — Pam's 6-month coaching certification, launching Fall 2026 → pamrader.com 🏕️ Grit & Grace Retreat — Join the waitlist → pamrader.com/gritandgraceIf this episode helped you see something differently, share it with someone who's stuck in the dusk right now. And if you love the show, a rating or review helps more people find these conversations. 🙏
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  You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming 01.06.2026 40dk

  You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're BecomingHave you ever caught yourself leading with your hardest chapters — the divorce, the breakdown, the business that fell apart — as proof you've earned the right to be taken seriously?In this episode, Pam Rader and embodiment coach Erin Payne pull apart a pattern that shows up in even the most self-aware people: the story we keep telling about ourselves that masquerades as inspiration but quietly keeps us tethered to the past.Pam shares the moment her partner challenged her: Why do you keep leading with everything you've overcome? What followed was an uncomfortable and liberating discovery — beneath the desire to serve was a quiet thread of victimhood, a blind spot around self-worth dressed up as street credibility. Erin opens up about her own version: the "enlightenment loop" — doing so much healing work that the work itself becomes the identity.In this episode:How to tell the difference between victimhood and inspirationThe "managed survivor" vs the "conscious creator" — and how to shiftMooji's invitation: stop telling your story for one minute and see what remainsHow your body knows whether a story is healing you or holding you backBorrowing belief when you don't yet have enough of your ownWork with Pam or Erin: https://pamrader.com https://erinpayne.caConnect with us: Instagram: instagram.com/pamrader | instagram.com/erin_payne YouTube: youtube.com/@coachpamraderIf this episode stirred something in you, share it with someone who needs permission to set their story down. A 30-second rating helps new listeners find us — thank you! 💛Keywords: you are not your story, identity shift, letting go of the past, victim mentality, personal reinvention, conscious creator, self-worth, trauma identity, managed survivor, embodiment coach, Mooji, personal growth podcast, Grit and Grace podcast
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  Gottman's Four Horsemen: The Patterns That Are Killing Your Relationship 16.05.2026 51dk

  What if the thing quietly killing your relationship isn't the big blowouts — but the small patterns you've never even noticed?In this episode of Grit and Grace, Pam and Erin sit down with Aftin Jolly, Registered Clinical Counselor and Level 2 Gottman-trained couples therapist based in Kelowna, BC. Aftin brings clinical expertise and raw honesty to one of our most requested topics — relationships. The good, the messy, and the "are we actually going to make it" moments.THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF RELATIONSHIP DESTRUCTION Gottman research identifies four patterns that predict relationship breakdown: — Contempt: The #1 predictor of failure. It's the look that says "I'm better than you." — Criticism: How "helpful" comments quietly erode your partner's self-worth — Defensiveness: Why avoiding accountability destroys connection long-term — Stonewalling: The difference between needing to regulate and using silence as punishmentWHAT WE ALSO COVER — The Emotional Bank Account: why one negative interaction takes 20 positives to balance — Bids for attention and how they build or drain your relationship daily — Why emotional intimacy erodes before physical intimacy — and what to do — The safety vs. desire teeter-totter (Esther Perel's framework) — Why no conflict is not the same as happiness — The weekly check-in question that keeps couples connected before crisisWORK WITH PAMIf this episode stirred something up and you're ready to stop waiting for things to get better on their own, Pam offers 1:1 coaching to help you move toward more freedom and fulfillment — in your relationships and your life. 👉 pamrader.comWORK WITH ERIN Erin works 1:1 with clients who are ready to do the deeper work. If her voice resonated with you today, connect with her at www.erinpayne,ca or connect with her on Instagram. 👉 @epayneBECOME THE CATALYST — FALL 2026 Ready to turn your own transformation into a purpose-driven career? Become the Catalyst is Pam's 6-month intensive coaching certification program built for people who are done playing small and ready to guide others toward real freedom. Enrollment opens Fall 2026. 👉 pamrader.comGRIT AND GRACE RETREAT — FALL 2026 Something special is coming and you don't want to miss it. Get on the waitlist for the Grit and Grace Fall Retreat and be first to know when doors open. 👉 pamrader.com/gritandgraceABOUT AFTIN JOLLY Registered Clinical Counselor | Level 2 Gottman Couples Therapist | Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator Based in Kelowna, BC | Available via Zoom aftinjollycounseling.com | @aftinjollycounselingRESOURCES MENTIONED The Gottman Institute — gottman.com Esther Perel — estherperel.com Terry Real — relationallife.com Byron Katie — thework.comIf this episode helped you see your relationship differently, share it with someone who needs it. Leave a review and drop a comment — we read every one.
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  The Law of Assumption: How Your Hidden Beliefs Are Creating Your Reality (And How to Change Them) 08.05.2026 58dk

  What if the life you're living right now isn't happening to you — but because of you?In this episode, Pam and Erin dive deep into the Law of Assumption — the teaching made famous by Neville Goddard and later built upon by Bob Proctor — and explore how our unconscious assumptions about love, money, worthiness, and belonging quietly shape every outcome in our lives.This one gets personal. Pam shares how a deep-seated assumption about addiction shaped her experience with her son, how an unexamined belief about heartbreak made it inevitable, and how a disciplined shift in assumption brought the relationship she has now into being. Erin unpacks how her assumptions played out in a decade-long relationship, a recent breakup, and a stranger at a soccer field who turned out to be married — and what all of it revealed about the beliefs running quietly in the background.But this isn't a manifestation-from-the-couch episode. It's a real, honest, sometimes messy conversation about what it actually takes to rewire the mind.In this episode you'll explore:What the Law of Assumption actually is — and why it's not magic, toxic positivity, or a wish listHow your unconscious assumptions are shaping your relationships, finances, and sense of self — right nowThe difference between a disciplined and undisciplined mind, and why affirmations alone don't workHow attachment styles (anxious and avoidant) are rooted in core assumptions — and how to shift themWhy the brain prioritizes familiarity over truth — and how to use that to your advantageThe daily practice that begins to rewire your nervous system and build new identity statesWhy "desirable vs undesirable" is more powerful than "right vs wrong" when examining your patternsHow one aligned action can shift an assumption at the cellular levelPam's reflection on the disciplined mind: "Your subconscious mind is like a movie projector. Most people are trying to change the movie on the screen while continuing to feed the same film through the projector."The practice they leave you with: Observe the assumption. Interrupt the catastrophic rehearsal. Practice the feeling you want — not fake happiness, but safety, worthiness, openness, and abundance — until the nervous system learns that the new assumption is survivable.If you recognized yourself anywhere in this episode — in the resentment loops, the doom scrolling, the relationships that kept proving you right about the wrong things — this is your invitation to look at what's playing in the background. And to ask yourself: what would I create if I believed something different?Resources & Next Steps:🎙️ Enjoyed this episode? Please share it — we're in the top 20% of podcasts worldwide and our goal is top 10% in the next six months. Every share matters enormously.🌿 Grit & Grace Retreat — Fall 2026 Our next ranch-based retreat is coming in September 2026. Stay tuned for the announcement.💫 Work with Pam or Erin Both Pam and Erin work one-on-one with clients and offer group coaching programs. Reach out if this conversation stirred something in you.pamrader.com⭐ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more people find the show.
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  Resentment is Self Abandonment with Attitude: Here's how to stop 23.04.2026 34dk

  You’re not just “irritated.”You’re not just “tired of people.”You might be resentful… and it’s costing you more than you think.In this raw and honest conversation, Pam and Erin unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional patterns: resentment.Not as something someone else is doing to you…But as a powerful signal that you’ve abandoned yourself somewhere along the way.Because here’s the truth:Resentment doesn’t come out of nowhere.It builds when:You say yes when you mean noYou overgive hoping to be chosenYou stay quiet to avoid conflictYou expect people to meet needs you’ve never expressedAnd then wonder why you feel exhausted, irritated, or secretly pissed off all the time.This episode will help you:Understand what resentment is really telling youIdentify where you’ve been out of alignmentStop leaking bitterness into your relationshipsStart having cleaner, more honest conversationsRebuild self-trust and personal responsibilityBecause resentment isn’t the problem.👉 It’s the clue.💥 Key TakeawaysResentment is often what happens when your mouth says yes and your soul says hell noResentment = self-abandonment + unspoken truthThere’s a difference between clean resentment (a signal) and dirty resentment (a victimhood loop)Most resentment is built on unspoken expectations + invisible rulesUnderneath resentment is often grief, not angerThe question that changes everything:👉 Where have I been dishonest?🛠️ Practical Tools SharedPause before projecting blameIdentify the story vs. what actually happenedFind where you abandoned yourselfAsk: What did I need that I didn’t express?Have the clean conversation:“I’ve been saying yes when I don’t have capacity… and I need something to change.”❤️ If This Hit Home…You’re not alone.This is the work.And if you’re ready to go deeper:Work 1:1 with Pam or Erin pamrader.comJoin the communityOr come experience this work in real life at the Grit & Grace Retreat🌿 Grit & Grace Retreat4 days. Real conversations. Real transformation.Horses, yoga, connection, and the kind of truth-telling that changes your life.👉 pamrader.com/gritandgrace🔁 Share This EpisodeIf you know someone who’s been quietly holding it together…but is actually overwhelmed, depleted, or resentful—Send this to them.This might be the conversation they didn’t know they needed.
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  The Real Reason You Can't Let Go (It's Not What You Think) 15.04.2026 42dk

  What if the stuff you're holding onto isn't just clutter — it's proof you haven't fully chosen yourself yet?In this episode, Pam and Erin get real about the deeper meaning behind the things we just can't seem to let go of — from engagement rings and grandma's China to love letters from exes and shoes that don't even fit. What starts as a conversation about spring cleaning quickly becomes a raw, honest inquiry into attachment, identity, and how we've been looking for external proof of our own worth — often without even realizing it.Pam shares why she listed her 1.8-carat engagement ring on Facebook Marketplace and what her partner's question — "can your ego handle letting go?" — cracked open for her. Erin opens up about keeping a ring from an abusive relationship and what that finally reveals about needing to feel chosen.This episode will make you laugh, make you cringe (in the best way), and maybe take a wander through your house with fresh eyes.IN THIS EPISODE:• Why we hold onto things as "proof" we were chosen, loved, or worthy• The difference between valuing yourself and choosing yourself• How attachment to objects is really attachment to old identities• What your love languages might actually be telling you about your wounds• Buddhist non-attachment and the freedom on the other side of letting go• The mac and cheese incident (you'll hear about it, you won't forget it)LISTENER INQUIRY:Take a wander through your house. Pick one thing you're holding onto. Ask yourself: why am I keeping this? Who is it really for? And what would open up if I let it go?WORK WITH PAM + ERIN:Grit and Grace Retreat | May 21–24, Spring Lake Ranch, BC4 days of real work, real wilderness, and real transformation.Learn more at pamrader.comConnect with Pam: pamrader.com
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  Question Everything: Charisma, Cult Thinking & the Danger of Outsourcing Your Truth 25.03.2026 40dk

  Are we unknowingly shaping our lives around advice from wounded people?In this thought-provoking episode of Grit & Grace, Pam and Erin dive into the hidden risks of blindly following popular ideas — from relationship trends and parenting philosophies to spiritual influencers and self-help movements.Together, they explore how easily we can outsource our inner authority when charisma, belonging, or confirmation bias gets involved. Through personal stories and honest reflection, they unpack the difference between wisdom and coping strategies, and why learning to question everything is essential for living in truth and alignment.This conversation is not about mistrust or cynicism — it’s about discernment. It’s about reclaiming your power to think for yourself in a world that constantly tells you what to believe.If you’ve ever wondered whether the advice you’re following is truly serving you… this episode is for you.In this episode, we explore:Why charismatic voices can feel convincing — and even intoxicatingThe difference between charisma and characterHow algorithms and confirmation bias shape our beliefsThe danger of labeling others (and ourselves) through simplified psychologyHow unmet needs for belonging and validation can make us vulnerable to influenceQuestions you can ask to strengthen discernment and self-trustWhy real wisdom is often simple — and found withinKey reflection questions shared in the episode:Where did this idea come from — and what pain may have shaped it?Is this concept helping me understand… or just defend my current viewpoint?Is this advice creating more connection in my life — or more separation?Am I seeking truth… or looking for someone to save me?Ultimately, Pam and Erin remind listeners that wounded people sharing their stories isn’t the problem — the real danger is when we stop thinking and start following.🎧 If this episode resonates:Share it with someone who might need encouragement to trust their own inner wisdom.🌿 Want to go deeper?Join Pam, Erin, and Brian for the Grit & Grace Retreat (May 21–24) — a powerful 4-day experience focused on connection, clarity, courage, and coming home to yourself.pamrader.com/gritandgrace
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  24. Monique Rondeau: Living Life on Your Terms 03.07.2024 45dk

  Monique Rondeau is shaking up the business world as the founder of Bikini Bliss Challenge and PNPL Apparel. She is a former fitness competitor and Playboy model who is living life on her terms. We explore the pitfalls of being a successful woman and how beauty is a double-edged sword. We dive into the importance of supporting and celebrating others along the way and what it means to live an aligned life.
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  23. Alex Vigue: Slaying Stigma 28.06.2024 50dk

  Alex Vigue is the co-host of the popular "Let's Not Sugarcoat It" Podcast and she's on a mission to de-stigmatize addiction. Alex and I discuss the stigmas that we have around addiction and how privilege may be the only thing between you and the person pushing a shopping cart. Don't think you are guilty of stigmatizing others? Listen to this episode and you may just find yourself moved to take new action. It was such a pleasure to share this conversation with Alex and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
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  10. Anxious Much? 19.03.2024 52dk

  In this episode, I chat with Clinical Therapist Brent Hayter about the big "A". It seems no one is immune to experiencing anxiety in our fast-paced world . Things like comparison, disconnection and an evergrowing desire to fit in contribute to the very human experience of anxious feelings. So what do we do about it? We get deep into the exploration of the causes and effects of anxiety and talk about real tools to help you make peace with anxiety so that you can live your most authentic life. Brent Hayter can be found at PR Couselling on Instagram and you can look him up in Psychology Today to find out more.
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  9. Sorry to Disapoint You. 15.03.2024 18dk

  In this episode, I dive into the concept of disappointment as a great teacher. Have you ever considered that when you understand the source of your disappointment, you can alter what's possible for your future? Listen up because being disappointed never felt like such a great opportunity!