Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners

Épisodes

• 
  Is Time the New Status Symbol? Here's How to Spend It Wisely 21.09.2026 1h 3min

      What is the ultimate modern status symbol? According to Kiki Astor, it may not be luxury travel, designer handbags, expensive cars, or even a large social circle—it may be the appearance of having complete control over your time.   In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki explores the modern obsession with time-saving, outsourcing, productivity, wellness optimization, and conspicuous busyness. From grocery delivery and housekeepers to personal assistants, childcare, private chefs, drivers, AI email management, and elaborate self-care routines, she asks an essential question: If you buy your time back, what are you actually going to do with it?   Kiki examines the difference between genuinely life-enhancing help and outsourcing that creates more anxiety, management, guilt, and obligation. She discusses the hidden labor of managing assistants, cleaning before the housekeeper arrives, micromanaging chefs and contractors, second-guessing travel planners, and hiring help without ever truly surrendering control.   The episode also explores old-money leisure, conspicuous consumption, etiquette, wealth, status, and the value of doing things slowly. Kiki argues that not every inconvenience is wasteful and that some of life's most meaningful experiences—cooking with someone you love, gardening, walking without a destination, being bored, raising children, lingering over dinner, and spending uninterrupted time with friends—are valuable precisely because they are inefficient.   Ultimately, the real luxury is not having nothing to do. It is knowing what deserves your time, what you genuinely want to experience yourself, and what can be delegated without sacrificing the texture and intimacy of your life.   Show Notes   In this episode   Kiki discusses:   - Why time may be the newest status symbol - The difference between saving time and enhancing your life - Whether outsourcing domestic labor actually creates freedom - Grocery delivery, housekeepers, personal assistants, childcare, chefs, drivers, and travel planners - The dangers of micromanaging the people you hire - Why an assistant can sometimes create more work instead of less - The modern performance of busyness - Productivity culture and the pressure to optimize every minute - Morning routines, meal prep, supplement routines, sleep tracking, cold plunges, red-light therapy, and wellness surveillance - The difference between health and turning your body into an administrative project - Why boredom, inefficiency, and leisure can be luxurious - Old-money ideas about ritual, hospitality, leisure, and the long view of time - How to use help to remove friction without outsourcing joy - Why some unpleasant tasks are still meaningful parts of life - Time etiquette and respecting other people's schedules - Being late, indecisive, chronically unavailable, or unnecessarily demanding - Why you should not make your inefficiency someone else's problem - The importance of being decisive, clear, punctual, and considerate - How to stop accumulating unnecessary obligations - Productive procrastination and manufactured errands - Why you should give your best hours to the things that matter most - The value of becoming less available and less concerned with looking busy - Why memory and lived experience may be the most meaningful forms of wealth   Key ideas and takeaways   - Time-saving and life-enhancing are not the same thing. - Outsourcing a task is only useful if it frees you to do something you truly value. - If you hire help but continue managing, correcting, and supervising every detail, you have not purchased freedom—you have purchased another job. - Some inefficiencies are not waste. They are the substance of a rich life. - Cooking, gardening, long conversations, walking, reading, and unstructured time can create memories that productivity cannot measure. - The purpose of help is to remove friction, not eliminate every meaningful activity from your life. - You do not have to optimize every minute, track every habit, or turn wellness into full-time employment. - A full calendar is not necessarily evidence of importance. - True luxury may be the ability to say, "I am unavailable," without offering a long explanation. - Good manners include respecting the fact that other people have limited time too. - The most important question is not "How can I save more time?" but "What is worth experiencing directly?" - The ultimate luxury is having a life you do not constantly need to optimize.   Etiquette Lessons from the Episode   Kiki's practical rules for respecting time include:   1. Do not be chronically late. Someone else is spending time waiting for you. 2. Do not ask questions you could answer with a quick search. 3. Do not make other people sit through your indecision. 4. Make clear, direct requests instead of wrapping simple questions in unnecessary explanations. 5. Do not assume that another person's employee or household help is available to serve you. 6. Do not schedule meetings that could have been emails. 7. Do not add unexpected guests to a carefully planned dinner party. 8. Do not monopolize the time of people who are working for you. 9. Do not treat someone else's time as less valuable than your own. 10. Try to leave people feeling better, lighter, or more appreciated after spending time with you.
• 
  Beyond Old Money: What got you here won't get you there 14.09.2026 57min

  In this episode of The Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners podcast, hostess Kiki Astor challenges the traditional veneration of old-money habits, heritage, and manners. She argues that the behaviors, social codes, and values that helped establish or maintain an old-money position are often fundamentally different from those required to create, build, or modernize a life today. The episode emphasizes that tradition should not be an unexamined commandment. Instead, Kiki advocates for a philosophy of discernment: understanding the original purpose of a tradition or social rule, and then courageously deciding whether to preserve, adapt, discard, or reinvent it. Core Thesis The central argument is that what got you to your current position will not necessarily get you to the next level of success or happiness. Maintaining a legacy often requires different tools than creating one. Summary of Key Concepts Concept Traditional Approach Modern Limitation Recommended Strategy Manners Social preservation/status Can become social camouflage Use them to solve friction/function Discretion Elegant restraint Can lead to total invisibility Speak up; do not suffer in silence Heritage Buying/copying classic brands Becoming a shopping list/cosplay Seek substance over brand identity Ambition Viewed as vulgar/tacky Hinders growth and financial gain Direct ambition toward meaningful goals Tradition Rigid adherence Becomes a prison of expectation Edit and adapt for current utility Manners as Social Technology Kiki reframes etiquette not as a tool to appear "nice" or "proper," but as functional social technology designed to reduce friction and solve problems—such as who speaks first, how to disagree, or how to host. The danger arises when etiquette becomes a form of performance. A person can follow every rule of etiquette while remaining insecure, unimaginative, or cruel. True elegance should make a person more free, not more frightened. The Trap of Discretion and Invisibility Generations have been taught that discretion is the height of elegance. However, this often translates to a refusal to promote oneself, an inability to discuss money, or a habit of making oneself invisible rather than asserting one's needs. This rigidity is damaging when one is trying to build a career, start a company, or create a public platform. Heritage Objects vs. Substance There is a crucial distinction between owning a heritage object (like a Barbour jacket) and actually possessing heritage (land, history, connections). People often treat heritage brands as a shopping list for "quiet luxury," creating a form of "old money cosplay." True luxury is not the object itself, but the self-possession and judgment required to decide what has actual quality, regardless of the label or price point. Redefining Wealth and Ambition A recurring contradiction in old-money culture is the possession of extraordinary "cultural capital" (taste, vocabulary, connections) without the practical knowledge of how to create "financial capital." Kiki encourages listeners to reject the idea that ambition, selling, or asking for money is inherently vulgar. When directed toward meaningful purposes, ambition is deeply elegant. Show Notes About the Host Kiki Astor is an author, ex-rich person, nouveau pauvre ambassador, and self-designated expert on old money, heritage, and etiquette. Featured Literature Kiki explores the themes discussed in this episode—the clash between inherited expectations and the necessity of modern success—in her written work. Listeners can find these illustrations in: The Dark Inheritance Book Series The Crème de la Crème Book Series Contact & Resources For questions or to reach Auntie Kiki directly, you may send an email to: [email protected] Final Thought The ultimate goal is not to be a perfect replica of those who came before us, nor to blindly rebel against everything. It is to possess enough self-possession to understand the past, preserve what is genuinely useful, and have the courage to create what comes next. Elegance is knowing what to keep, what to discard, and what to invent.
• 
  The Luxury of Less: How Constraints Create a Richer Life 07.09.2026 54min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor explores the power of creative constraints, intentional living, and choosing a "smaller box" to create a richer, more distinctive life. After becoming a full-time writer, Kiki invests the equivalent of an Hermès Birkin bag in a small garden folly—a private writing and creative retreat designed to encourage focus, originality, and reflection. Kiki explains how limitations can inspire creativity in writing, entertaining, fashion, home design, cooking, travel, and relationships. From Jane Austen's confined social worlds and Agatha Christie's closed-room mysteries to small kitchens, capsule wardrobes, intimate weddings, and thoughtfully planned dinner parties, she shows why having fewer options can lead to better decisions and more memorable experiences. The episode also explores the etiquette of unequal resources, gracious reciprocity, nouveau pauvre style, old-money manners, meaningful gift giving, tasteful budgeting, repairing rather than replacing, and the difference between thrift and true discernment. Discover how to use budgets, rituals, restricted palettes, seasonal ingredients, and personal traditions to create a life with more personality, elegance, and intention. Show Notes In this episode Kiki's journey to becoming a financially successful full-time writer Why she chose a garden folly instead of a luxury handbag The creative power of limitations and intentional constraints How smaller spaces can encourage focus, originality, and productivity Why unlimited money and unlimited choices can create stress and indecision The connection between creative constraint theory and great writing How authors use confined settings, obsessions, and limited choices to create compelling stories The hidden administrative burden of wealth and abundance The meaning of "nouveau pauvre" as a life of taste without unlimited purchasing power How to reciprocate generosity without matching someone else's spending Etiquette lessons for friendships, entertaining, weddings, gifts, and social occasions Why a memorable wedding does not require a massive budget How uniforms, signature pieces, and repetition can improve personal style The value of repairing, altering, and reusing clothing and household objects What kintsugi teaches us about continuity and the life of an imperfect object How to create memorable dinner parties using a theme, ingredient, region, or color Why a budget can function as an editorial device rather than a punishment The difference between cheapness, thrift, taste, and meaningful spending How small kitchens can encourage better planning and more creative meals Practical one-month experiments for creating intentional constraints in daily life Key ideas and takeaways Constraints can make us more inventive, observant, and resourceful. More options do not always create more freedom; they can create more maintenance and indecision. True elegance comes from having a point of view, not from displaying unlimited purchasing power. You do not need to duplicate someone else's expensive hospitality—offer something only you can create. A budget helps establish priorities and makes spending more meaningful. A smaller wardrobe, kitchen, home, or social plan can create more personality and less waste. Good etiquette protects people from having generosity and belonging measured purely in dollars. The most memorable experiences usually have a premise, structure, and personal touch. A rich life can be built through attention, ritual, creativity, and deliberate choices. Practical challenges from the episode Try choosing a few areas of your life and giving each one a thoughtful constraint: Clothing: Buy nothing new for one month and style what you already own in new combinations. Food: Use ingredients already in your pantry and prepare one ingredient in three different ways. Home: Buy nothing; rearrange furniture or remove one object that irritates you. Entertaining: Host an evening based on one country, film, color, decade, or ingredient. Culture: Choose one subject and explore it through three books, an album, or a museum exhibit. Travel: Plan a trip around a specific limitation, such as traveling only by train or boat. Mentioned in the episode Kiki Astor's garden folly Hermès Birkin bags Creative constraint theory Jane Austen Agatha Christie Samuel Johnson Mozart and jazz improvisation French formal gardens and English landscape gardens Grey Gardens Kintsugi Barbour jackets Diana Vreeland Iris Apfel Steve Jobs Mahjong Thanksgiving entertaining Midnight Blue Service Entrance Villa for Rent on St. Barts The Crème de la Crème and Dark Inheritance book series Books and links mentioned Explore Kiki Astor's books, bookish curiosities, and creative work at kikiastor.com. Books mentioned include: Stick and Ball Pink Palazzo Low Season in Saint-Tropez Villa for Rent on St. Barts Art, Love and Other Miracles Service Entrance Midnight Blue Scarlet Fever
• 
  Craft a Life You Don't Need a Vacation From 31.08.2026 59min

  In this Season 7 premiere, Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) shares a deeply personal story about returning from a vacation in France and realizing she dreaded going home to her own life. That devastating moment at the airport — wishing she could go anywhere except back — became the catalyst for a complete rethinking of what makes a life worth living. Drawing from her experience growing up wealthy and now living with less, Kiki argues that money doesn't automatically buy a life you love. Wealthy people, she observes, often spend astonishing amounts making their own lives unnecessarily difficult — enormous houses far from everything, second homes that become second jobs, boats that are more burden than pleasure. The episode's central question: Do you actually want the life you keep paying to maintain? Kiki walks through how to distinguish genuine luxury from expensive inconvenience, how to audit the friction in your everyday life, and how to borrow the conditions that make vacation feel so alive — unhurried time, outdoor living, good food, real connection — and bring them home. She covers the fantasy of arrival, hedonic adaptation, the trap of living for an invisible audience, and why etiquette is really about managing friction. The episode ends with a practical "vacation life audit" to help listeners identify what they miss about vacation and bring those elements into ordinary life. Show Notes Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners Season 7, Episode 1 — "Craft a Life You Don't Need a Vacation From" Host: Kiki Astor Topics Covered The airport moment: when returning home feels worse than going anywhere else Why a beautiful house is not a beautiful life Money gives options, not automatically a life you love The enormous house problem: 17 bedrooms, 45 minutes from everything you enjoy Second homes as second jobs: packing, repairing, managing, coordinating Boats: the two happiest days are buying it and selling it Smart vacation homes: 45 minutes apart, not hours Three questions for any purchase: Will it improve my daily life? Will it reduce or create friction? Do I want the thing or the image? The Birkin bag debate: status symbol vs. actual utility Distinguishing what looks impressive from what feels good A rich life = less unnecessary friction + more intentional pleasure Vacation as information, not just reward The fantasy of arrival: "once I earn more, I can relax" — but the goalposts keep moving Hedonic adaptation: why the luxury car becomes just a car that needs new tires Living for an invisible audience that already made up its mind about you Micro frictions: the small annoyances that make daily life feel hostile Etiquette as the management of friction — not about forks Preparation as a form of elegance Boundaries as etiquette toward yourself Entertaining like you're on vacation: good olives, great bread, undivided attention The vacation life audit: identify your vacation fantasy, separate the feeling from the scenery, bring three things home Sensory practices to start tonight: wear the linen, drink the wine on a Tuesday, buy the flowers, play the music Rituals make ordinary days feel significant — without them, coffee is just caffeine and dinner is just calories Book Mentions Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor — available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, audiobook) The Calamity Club — recommended read Service Entrance by Kiki Astor — referenced re: Santa Barbara's "June gloom" Villa for Rent by Kiki Astor — referenced re: St. Barts Key Quote "The real luxury is being able to come home from somewhere rather extraordinary and think, 'Oh, good, I'm home.'" Connect with Kiki Join the mailing list for weekly Monday emails and quizzes (Kiki boots you off if you don't open emails after a month or two) Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners podcast
• 
  The Gossip Economy: From Secrets and Scandal to Social Status 24.08.2026 1h 1min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor explores the sociology, psychology, and history of gossip among elites. Moving from John Aspinall's Clermont Club and the British aristocracy to Versailles, Beau Brummell, Lord Byron, the Kennedys, Truman Capote, and the Mitford sisters, Kiki examines why certain scandals become enduring social lore—and why eccentricity can sometimes enhance, rather than damage, a person's status. The episode argues that gossip is far more than idle chatter. It maps alliances, distributes social information, enforces community norms, creates narratives, and signals belonging. In elite circles, discretion is treated as a form of social currency, while betrayal of confidences can result in permanent exclusion. Through scandals including the Profumo Affair, the Duchess of Argyll's divorce, Lord Lucan's disappearance, the Affair of the Poisons, Oscar Wilde's trials, Isabella Blow's mythologized suffering, the Mitford family's ideological divisions, and the abdication of Edward VIII, Kiki shows how gossip can expose corruption, reinforce group identity, weaponize intimacy, and transform private events into public mythology. The episode concludes with a discussion of modern reputation management, social media, public relations, legal tools, and the ethics of consuming gossip. Kiki encourages listeners to consider who benefits from a story, where it originated, whether it serves the public interest, and who may be harmed when private suffering becomes entertainment. Show Notes In this episode Why gossip is a form of social information—not merely entertainment How gossip maps relationships, alliances, reputations, and social networks The role of gossip in enforcing community standards Why discretion is one of the most valuable currencies in elite society How eccentricity can function as a status signal The difference between tolerable social eccentricity and damaging transgression How private scandals become public myths Why wealth and power often magnify the consequences of scandal The changing role of media, from salons and society columns to social media How elite families and institutions manage their public narratives The ethical distinction between gossip that exposes wrongdoing and gossip that merely creates spectacle Historical figures and scandals discussed John Aspinall and the Clermont Club — Reputation, loyalty, eccentricity, and the social power of discretion Lord Lucan — How elite networks can protect insiders and create alternative narratives Versailles and Louis XIV's court — Gossip as political intelligence Parisian salons — The influence wielded by women through conversation, reputation, and intellectual exchange Beau Brummell — Cultivated indifference as a performance of status Lord Byron — How scandal and transgression can become cultural capital The Kennedy family — Tragedy, media amplification, and the creation of the "Kennedy Curse" Truman Capote — What happens when confidential relationships are turned into literary material The Profumo Affair — When private behavior becomes a national-security concern The Duchess of Argyll's divorce — Gendered double standards and the weaponization of photographs Happy Valley in Kenya — Elite impunity and the erosion of social accountability The Affair of the Poisons — Gossip as political accusation and collective panic Oscar Wilde — The danger of transforming an "open secret" into legal evidence Isabella Blow — The risks of romanticizing suffering and self-destruction The Mitford sisters — Family scandal as a stage for ideological conflict Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson — Private desire versus public duty Annabel's — Discretion as the foundation of an elite institution Key themes Gossip as a social map Gossip reveals who is connected, who is trusted, who has fallen out, and who belongs in a particular circle. Gossip as social regulation In communities where formal rules are limited or insufficient, reputation becomes the enforcement mechanism. Invitations can disappear, alliances can shift, and families can experience social consequences. Eccentricity as privilege Unusual behavior is more likely to be celebrated when performed by someone with enough wealth, status, talent, or influence to withstand the consequences. Discretion as governance Elite networks depend on confidentiality. As Capote's downfall demonstrates, breaking that trust can be more damaging than the original scandal. The mythology of scandal Repeated stories about families and individuals can turn coincidence into destiny, as seen in the public idea of the Kennedy Curse. The ethics of attention Not every private revelation deserves public attention. Gossip may serve accountability when it exposes abuse or corruption, but it can also turn real suffering into entertainment. Memorable ideas "Discretion is the currency of elite networks." Eccentricity can be a credential when it is performed by the "right" person in the "right" way. A whisper can be contained; a headline is much harder to control. The most dangerous form of gossip is the kind that turns private suffering into a glamorous story. The right way to gossip is not to gossip at all—but if you must, be responsible. Listener takeaways Before sharing or consuming gossip, ask: Who benefits from this information? Where did the story originate? Is there a legitimate public interest? Who could be harmed by its circulation? Is the amount of attention proportional to the significance of the event? Is this exposing wrongdoing—or merely satisfying curiosity? Sponsor mention Kiki Astor discusses her novel Midnight Blue, a romance and suspense story about Julia Peregrine-Cavendish, an heiress to a scandalous oud-perfume dynasty who inherits a vial connected to Cleopatra's legendary fragrance. The book is available on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook editions. Suggested episode description Why do stories about wealthy families, eccentric aristocrats, and society scandals grip us so completely? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor examines gossip as a form of social power. From Versailles and Regency London to the Kennedys, Truman Capote, the Mitford sisters, and Annabel's, she explores how gossip maps social networks, enforces norms, creates status, and turns private behavior into public mythology. Kiki also considers when eccentricity becomes a form of privilege, why discretion can matter more than wealth, and what happens when an elite insider breaks the rules of confidentiality. The episode closes with a practical guide to consuming gossip more thoughtfully—and recognizing the difference between public interest and private spectacle. Keywords old money, new manners, etiquette, gossip, high society, aristocracy, scandal, social status, discretion, reputation, elite networks, Truman Capote, Kennedy family, Mitford sisters, Beau Brummell, Lord Byron, Versailles, Annabel's, social history, celebrity culture, public relations, reputation management
• 
  The Lost Art of Becoming the Most Interesting Person in the Room 17.08.2026 46min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Auntie Kiki Astor explores the sociology, psychology, and etiquette behind genuine social magnetism. Embracing the "nouveau pauvre ideal," Kiki explains how living a rich life and cultivating cultural capital requires taste, intellect, and authentic curiosity—not a massive bank account. From the restrained presence of old money and high society figures like Beau Brummell and Edith Wharton to the quiet power of introverts, this episode unpacks the true currency of social interactions. Learn how to avoid performative social media "slop," craft compelling narratives using sensory details, read sideways to boost pattern recognition, and gracefully exit a conversation. Whether you are at an elite salon or a neighborhood bar, these practical habits will help you build social currency and become unforgettable. Keywords & Keyphrases Old money etiquette, new manners, cultural capital, nouveau pauvre, social currency, authentic curiosity, storytelling framework, high society salons, social magnetism, introversion in social settings, conversational skills, networking etiquette, pattern recognition, digital interestingness, Kiki Astor. Key Highlights and Takeaways The Nouveau Pauvre Ideal: A rich life is built on taste, humor, and intellectual capital, not just wealth. Many wealthy people lack genuine interestingness. The Pillars of Social Currency: The most fascinating people do two things consistently: they collect stories and generously give attention to others. Historical Masters of Presence: Beau Brummell: The power of restraint and well-placed silence. Edith Wharton: Observing nuance and the motives layered under manners. Gertrude Stein: Hosting unpredictability and finding music in the noise. Dorothy Parker: The precision, timing, and economy of words. The Introvert's Superpower: Introverts are often the most interesting people in the room because they observe rather than perform, listen intently, and ask profound questions. Digital Interestingness: Online presence requires an economy of words and genuine observation. Avoid performative displays of wealth (like endless unboxing videos) and focus on sharing real, relatable moments. The Hermit Season: Being interesting is a practice, not a constant state. It is necessary to take time to rest, read, and "refill the well" to avoid burnout and cynicism. The 4-Step Storytelling Framework Avoid boring, chronological lists of complaints or facts. Craft real-time stories using this structure: The Hook: Start with a single, highly specific sensory detail that creates mystery. The Context: Provide just enough background to establish the stakes and why the moment mattered. The Turning Point: Share a moment of surprise, discovery, or a clash of worldviews. The Takeaway or Question: End on a reflective insight or a question that invites others to join the conversation. Auntie Kiki's Summer Homework (Actionable Habits) Harvest Stories: Carry a small notebook to jot down one surprising detail, texture, or overheard sentence daily. Read Sideways: Consume media (books, podcasts, documentaries) outside of your usual field or profession to build pattern recognition and create mental friction. Collect Objects with Provenance: Bring home small, meaningful objects (like a matchbox or a recipe card) that have a genuine story attached to them, rather than expensive, generic souvenirs. Sponsor & Book Mention Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor: Follow Julia Peregrine-Cavendish, an heiress with an olfactory perfect pitch, as she tracks the mythical blue oud to Morocco to break an ancient family curse. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Connect with Kiki Astor Share your moments of discovery and questions directly with Auntie Kiki at: [email protected]
• 
  Boarding Schools, Old Money, and Dark Academia: Myths, Manners, and Modern Reality 10.08.2026 51min

  Kiki Astor, AKA Auntie Kiki explores boarding schools through an old money lens—traditions, houses, dining halls, chapel, dorm life, and dark academia—timed to Prince George starting at Eton. She debunks myths (uniforms, secret societies, Latin), examines social capital, alumni networks, and cultural reproduction; weighs benefits (independence, leadership, resilience, community) against costs (separation, homesickness, hierarchy, mental health). With history, sociology, etiquette tips, and practical guidance for parents and students—plus insights from her novels and Midnight Blue. Key Topics: Dark academia vs. real boarding school life Dorms, dining halls, house rivalries, midnight rituals Myths vs. reality: uniforms, Latin, secret passages, prefect power Daily routine and discipline today (no canes, yes structure) Why elites chose boarding schools: Eton, Harrow, Rugby; Thomas Arnold; "muscular Christianity" Sociology: peer groups, identity formation, in-groups/out-groups, Bourdieu's cultural capital Networks and outcomes: internships, jobs, marriage markets, alumni ties Psychological effects: resilience vs. emotional suppression; homesickness; found families Single-sex vs. co-ed; internationalization; scholarships; boutique schools Modern issues: mental health counseling, safeguarding, brand competition, hybrid models Etiquette: what not to say to boarding school families Practical pointers for choosing and thriving Practical Takeaways: Visit schools twice at different times; do not rely on brochures or drone videos Ask about counseling ratios, anti-bullying, and safeguarding policies Check alumni outcomes at 5–10 years, not just college lists Test shorter separations first (camps or week-long programs) Maintain home rituals: scheduled calls, care packages, parents' weekends Host international students during holidays to build community Teach one adult skill early: cooking, mending, budgeting Remember: resilience, responsibility, community, and confidence can be built outside boarding school Etiquette Notes: Do not ask parents or children if boarding school means they "don't like each other" Respect varied reasons: logistics, opportunities, personal fit Support students with structure, empathy, and consistent check-ins Mentions and References: British public schools: Eton, Harrow, Rugby Literary touchstones: Harry Potter, A Separate Peace, Brideshead Revisited Concept: Bourdieu's cultural capital Kiki's novels featuring boarding school alumni and networks Sponsor and Book: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor — Cleopatra's perfume, blue oud, curse, dark academia vibe Available on Amazon: Kindle, paperback, audiobook (search "Kiki Astor Midnight Blue") Connect: Email your boarding school stories or questions: [email protected] Personalized advice via Cameo: school selection, fit, next steps Call to Action: Subscribe, rate, and review the podcast Share with friends who love dark academia, social history, or etiquette Read and review Kiki's books on Amazon SEO Keywords and Tags: boarding school myths vs reality; old money etiquette; dark academia aesthetic; Eton British public schools; boarding school social capital; alumni networks prep schools; Bourdieu cultural capital; co-ed vs single-sex schools; boarding school mental health; safeguarding and anti-bullying; how to choose a boarding school; homesickness tips; house rivalries traditions; preppy old money style; international students at prep schools
• 
  Is It Actually Worth It? The Old Money Guide to True Luxury 03.08.2026 1h 7min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Auntie Kiki Astor dives into the ultimate question in today's hyper-aspirational world: Is it actually worth it? Moving beyond performative luxury and the influencer economy, Kiki breaks down the true "Return on Investment" (ROI) of our money, time, and energy. From the "turnkey trap" in real estate and the reality of Restoration Hardware couches, to the quiet luxury of authentic manners and experiential joy, this episode teaches you how to stop outsourcing your taste and start cultivating a truly rich, "nouveau pauvre" lifestyle.   Show Notes Episode Overview: Have you ever wondered if a first-class ticket, a Birkin bag, or a trendy Cloud Sofa is actually worth the price tag? Today, Auntie Kiki explores the crucial difference between performative luxury designed for Instagram and authentic, experiential luxury that genuinely improves your life behind closed doors. Key Takeaways: The "Turnkey Trap": Why buying a sterile, finished house (or outsourcing your interior design to a trendy catalog) robs you of the luxury of cultivating your own unique taste. Performative vs. Experiential Luxury: Why a steam shower or good water pressure is a better investment than a highly recognizable, logo-heavy handbag. The Influencer Economy Distortions: Why you should never take value advice from someone relying on affiliate links. The "Nouveau Pauvre" ROI: How to use your time and effort to find high-quality antiques and experiences on a budget—and the joy of "the hunt." Behavioral Luxury: Why good manners—like a handwritten thank-you note or making others feel at ease—are the ultimate free investment. The Ultimate Value Test: If social media disappeared tomorrow, would you still buy it? Resources Mentioned: Book: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor (Available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audiobook) Shop Kiki's designs on Etsy: Graysalt Book a design consultation with Kiki on Cameo (Link on website)
• 
  The Old Money Library: Beyond Decor – Sociology, Psychology & Secret Reads 27.07.2026 1h 3min

  Unlock the Secrets of the Old Money Library: More Than Just Decor Dive into a captivating exploration of the "Old Money Library," where books are far more than mere objects – they are powerful social signifiers, reflecting generations of taste, privilege, and cultivated intellect. In this fascinating episode, host Kiki Astor, your "Auntie Kiki," unveils the nuanced world of aristocratic reading, contrasting the "performative page-turner" of influencer culture with the authentic, lived-in collections of true old money. Discover the hidden sociology behind high-society book clubs, often serving as subtle battlegrounds for social capital, and journey into the exclusive "Cabana universe," where specific literary canons signal insider status among the global elite. Kiki shares closely guarded styling secrets from legendary decorators like Elsie de Wolfe and Nancy Mitford, revealing how to curate a library that whispers inherited elegance and effortless sophistication. But the revelations don't stop there. Auntie Kiki takes a delightful and cheeky detour into the "geography of the questionable read" – those scandalous romance novels, tell-all celebrity memoirs, and thrilling beach reads discreetly tucked away in bathrooms, guest rooms, and lake cottages. These private literary indulgences offer a psychological escape, proving that true old money style embraces a nuanced blend of intellectual display, mischievous self-awareness, and a delightfully scandalous past. Tune in to understand why a well-curated life, like a well-curated library, always leaves room for delightful surprises. Keywords: Old Money, Old Money Library, Cultural Capital, Book Clubs, Book Styling, Interior Design, Luxury Lifestyle, Etiquette, Elite Reading, Society Decor, Status Symbols, Discreet Luxury, Personal Library, Podcast, Kiki Astor, Sociology of Books, Psychology of Books. Show Notes: Episode Title: The Old Money Library: Beyond Decor – Sociology, Psychology & Secret Reads Host: Kiki Astor, your Auntie Kiki (Author, Bibliophile, ex-rich person, Old Money expert, Nouveau Pauvre ambassador) Episode Summary: In this captivating episode of "Awkward Etiquette, Old Money and New Manners," Kiki Astor delves deep into the fascinating world of the "Old Money Library." More than just decor, books are powerful social signifiers, revealing volumes about taste, privilege, and intellect. Auntie Kiki unpacks the stark contrast between "influencer reading" (books as props) and genuine "intellectual reading," exploring the sociology of the bookshelf, the subtle art of high-society book clubs, and the exclusive "Cabana universe" of elite literary signals. Discover closely guarded styling secrets from iconic decorators like Elsie de Wolfe and Nancy Mitford, learning how to curate a library that exudes inherited elegance and effortless sophistication. The episode also takes a delightful detour into the "geography of the questionable read," revealing the cheeky literary indulgences found in the private corners of old money homes. Tune in to uncover how books serve as silent ambassadors of a life well-lived, imbued with layers, secrets, and a delightfully scandalous past. Key Themes & Discussion Points: Books as Social Signifiers: How books communicate taste, sophistication, and status without a word in old money circles. Influencer vs. Intellectual Reading: The stark divide between aesthetic-driven book displays (props for social media) and genuine, lived-in intellectual engagement with literature. The Sociology of Book Clubs: High-society book clubs as networking events, intellectual jousting, and subtle social reaffirmation. Common Archetypes: The Literary Lioness, The Pseudo-Intellectual Progressive, The Inherited Taste Keeper, and The Quietly Judgmental One. Book Club Etiquette: Treating it as a conversation, reading the book, listening, criticizing the work not the person, and respecting the host. The Old Money Library Aesthetic: An accumulated, lived-in reflection of generational intellectual curiosity, not a staged display. Historical Context: Education and leisure as ultimate status symbols dating back to the Grand Tour. Marginalia: The ultimate sign of a well-used and cherished book. The "Unfinished Classics": The subtle flex of displaying daunting, multi-volume tomes that few actually finish. The Cabana Universe & Cultural Capital: An insular, self-referential ecosystem of books that signals elite insider status – a form of gatekeeping within high society. Key figures & publications: Martina Mondadori (Cabana Home), James Reginato, Rizzoli, Vendome. Decorator Bibles: How books by Billy Baldwin, David Hicks, Mario Buatta, and Edith Wharton anchor libraries to an older, more established timeline. Society Photographers: Peter Beard, Slim Aarons, and Oberto Gili (whose "studied carelessness" - sprezzatura - exemplifies counter-signaling). Styling Your Old Money Library: Elsie de Wolfe's Approach: Championing lightness, airiness, painted shelves, and aesthetic harmony. Nancy Mitford's Approach: Embracing dark wood, built-in shelves, organic accumulation, and inherited clutter with fluid grace. Practical Styling Tricks: Stacking books both vertically and horizontally, hanging small paintings directly in front of books, and using books as decorative pedestals. Books in Unexpected Places: Weaving intellectual engagement into the very fabric of daily life throughout the home. Kitchen: Classic cookbooks (Julia Child, Larousse Gastronomique) signalling a love for entertaining. Entryway: Curated coffee table books (Assouline Amalfi Coast) or local histories, offering an intellectual amuse-bouche. Guest Room Nightstand: Thoughtful, entertaining, but not overly demanding reads (classic novels, local poetry) as a sign of gracious hospitality. The Secret Library (The Geography of the Questionable Read): A look into the private spaces for cheeky, scandalous, or indulgent literature that offers psychological release from societal pressures. Bathroom Bookshelf: Romantic thrillers (Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl, Kiki Astor's Scarlet Fever/Midnight Blue), celebrity memoirs (Sarah Ferguson), and historical bodice-rippers (Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls). Guest Room Bookshelf: Witty satires (Evelyn Waugh, Nancy Mitford, Kiki Astor's upcoming The Heiress's Guide to Social Death), and niche design books (e.g., Vogue's Book of Houses, Parties, etc.). Lake/Beach House/Chalet Bookshelf: Vintage, escapist reads, mystery thrillers, and beach reads designed for unwinding. Hyper-Specific Stacks: Niche collections for polo enthusiasts, yacht aficionados, or fashionistas, often revealing self-aware humor. Thoughtful Gifting: The art of giving a thrilling, scandalous, or indulgent book to a host. Conclusion: The old money library is a nuanced construct balancing public intellectualism with private indulgence, reflecting inherited elegance and mischievous self-awareness. Mentioned Books & Authors: Rizzoli, Assouline, Taschen (coffee table book publishers) Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor (Sponsor's book, available on Amazon: Kindle, paperback, audiobook) The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (Edward Gibbon) Italian Journey (Goethe) War and Peace (Leo Tolstoy) Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy) Middlemarch (George Eliot) In Search of Lost Time (Marcel Proust) Ulysses (James Joyce) Hegel, Kant, Marx (philosophers) Great Houses, Modern Aristocrats (a book representing the Cabana universe) Billy Baldwin Decorates David Hicks on Decoration Mario Buatta, Anatomy of a Decorator The Decoration of Houses (Edith Wharton and Ogden Codman Jr.) Peter Beard (photographer) Slim Aarons (Once Upon a Time) Oberto Gili (Luxury of Space) The Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame) Swallows and Amazons (Arthur Ransome) The Once and Future King (T.H. White) Sapiens (Yuval Noah Harari) Stalky & Co. (Rudyard Kipling) The Official Preppy Handbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking (Julia Child) Larousse Gastronomique Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) Brideshead Revisited (Evelyn Waugh) Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn) Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor My Story (Sarah Ferguson) Counting My Chickens (Duchess of Devonshire) Fifty Shades of Grey (E.L. James) The Heiress's Guide to Social Death by Kiki Astor (upcoming) Vile Bodies (Evelyn Waugh) Love in a Cold Climate (Nancy Mitford) The Great Houses of London Vogue's Book of Houses, Parties, etc. Valley of the Dolls (Jacqueline Susann) Peyton Place (Grace Metalious) Stick and Ball by Kiki Astor Service Entrance by Kiki Astor Jilly Cooper (author) Call to Action: Listen to Kiki Astor's previous episodes on "Exclusivity." Purchase Kiki Astor's latest book, Midnight Blue, available on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook formats! Join Auntie Kiki's exclusive mailing list for additional insights, including the full coffee table book list and old money library recommendations mentioned in this episode. Visit [Your Website Link Here] to sign up!
• 
  Decoding the Pictures on the Walls: Art, Class, and Collecting Like Old Money 20.07.2026 35min

  Decoding the Pictures on the Walls: Art, Class, and Collecting Like Old Money On The Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners podcast, Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) argues that art makes a home feel finished and functions as a "social biography," decoding class through cultural capital, provenance, and storytelling rather than price. Drawing on Pierre Bourdieu, Joseph Duveen's narrative-driven sales to American industrialists, and examples from Peggy Guggenheim to Van Gogh, she explains how reputations are built by networks of critics, curators, museums, collectors, and auction houses. She contrasts new money "buying names" with old money "collecting stories," discusses the role and limits of art advisors, and reflects on outsider art through her Van Beau anecdote. She offers practical guidance for budget collecting—asking better questions than price, evaluating composition and light, and buying via student shows, studios, estate sales, thrift stores, regional auctions, and overlooked mediums—plus a list of artists that read as chic. 00:00 Why Art Completes Homes 01:15 Decoding Wall Signals 03:01 Sponsor Story Break 04:43 Meet Auntie Kiki 06:14 Cultural Capital Basics 07:18 Provenance Over Price 09:12 Collectors Love Provocation 10:58 Who Decides Greatness 12:13 Van Beau Dumpster Tale 14:32 Value Versus Reputation 15:34 Old Money New Money Art 18:44 Homes As Autobiography 20:38 Art Advisors And Taste 22:48 Outsider Art And Myth 24:38 Art As Legacy Memory 26:58 How To Buy Like Collector 28:53 Budget Hunting Strategies 31:34 Chic Names To Drop 33:07 Old Money Art Phrases 33:42 Curiosity Over Trends 34:39 Wrap Up And Callouts 00:00 Why Art Completes Homes 01:37 Decoding Art as Status 03:01 Sponsor Story Break 06:14 Cultural Capital and Provenance 09:12 Unsettling Art and Conversation 10:58 Who Decides Greatness 12:13 Van Beau and Reputation 15:34 Old Money vs New Money 20:38 Art Advisors and Real Taste 22:48 Outsider Art and Ethics 24:38 Legacy and Why Art Matters 26:58 Collector Tips on a Budget 31:34 Chic Names and Art Language 33:42 Final Takeaways and Farewell  
• 
  The Old Money Guide to Photography: Etiquette, Aesthetics & Slim Aarons 13.07.2026 48min

  Have you ever wondered how to capture the effortless elegance of the old money aesthetic in your photographs? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating intersection of photography, lifestyle, and modern manners. From the stiff aristocratic oil portrait style photos of the past to the iconic, sun-drenched leisure captured by legendary photographer Slim Aarons, we decode the unwritten rules of taking, sharing, and displaying pictures. You will learn how to slimify your vacation snapshots without needing a private villa, the golden rules of smartphone photo etiquette to save your friendships, and how to decorate your home with personal memories without making it look cluttered or tacky. Put down the ring light, pour yourself a martini, and discover how to romanticize your everyday life while ensuring your photos remain perfectly timeless. COMPLETE SHOW NOTES EPISODE OVERVIEW Today we are turning our lens toward the ultimate guide to photography, etiquette, and the old money aesthetic. Whether you want to channel 1970s Palm Springs glamour or just want to know how to politely ask a friend not to post an unflattering photo of you, Auntie Kiki covers it all. We dive deep into the history of high-society photography and study the master of leisure, Slim Aarons, to learn how to capture attractive people doing attractive things in attractive places. WHAT YOU WILL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE A Short History of Old Money Photography We trace how wealthy families documented their legacies, transitioning from formal oil paintings and stiff Victorian daguerreotypes to Kodak society snapshots. Discover how the digital era has forced high society to adopt a discreet, understated online presence. Who Was Slim Aarons? A deep dive into the master of leisure photography. Learn how Slim Aarons defined the old money aesthetic by capturing candidly curated moments of high society in places like Palm Beach, Lake Como, and Gstaad. Iconic Photo Breakdown An analysis of classic Slim Aarons shots like Poolside Gossip, Holiday at the Villa, and Apres-Ski. Auntie Kiki explains why looking away from the camera, avoiding trendy fashion, and letting the setting do the heavy lifting are the ultimate visual flexes. How to Slimify Your Vacation Photos Actionable tips for romanticizing your life and capturing timeless, chic photos without a massive budget. Learn why you should ditch the ring light, embrace natural lighting, use elegant props like books or a bar cart, and wear classic linens and timeless silhouettes. Modern Photo Etiquette How to navigate the awkwardness of the digital age. Auntie Kiki shares the rules on asking for permission before snapping a pic, the massive faux pas of posting unflattering photos of your friends, and how to gracefully handle the situation when someone tags you in a terrible shot. Digital Good Manners The dos and don'ts of commenting on social media. Learn why you should never critique outfits or leave passive-aggressive comments, and why a curated highlight of three photos is always better than a twenty-seven photo hostage situation. Displaying Photos in Your Home The old money approach to interior design and family albums. Learn why discretion is key, which frames to choose (think tarnished silver, dark wood, or leather), and why sentiment belongs in intimate spaces like hallways and studies rather than formal public rooms. KEY TAKEAWAYS Posing is for people who do not belong. The trick to looking effortlessly wealthy is being caught mid-conversation or mid-recline without a single care in the world. Dress for timelessness. Avoid obvious logos, bright performance gear, and trendy fast fashion to ensure your photos age gracefully and never scream a specific year. Never sacrifice living in the present moment just to capture a photograph. Take your snapshot to commemorate the moment, then put your phone away. When displaying photos at home, less is more. Avoid overly matched gallery walls and massive flashy frames, opting instead for a few meaningful heritage or candid shots placed thoughtfully in private living areas.
• 
  Floating Status Symbols: Old Money Yachts, New Money Pontoons, and the Ultimate Guide to Boating Etiquette 06.07.2026 1h 4min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners, Auntie Kiki dives deep into the fascinating sociology of boating and yachting. From the quiet elegance of old money sloops and classic Rivas to the loud, party-centric energy of new money mega yachts and pontoons, boats are the ultimate floating status symbol. We cover the unwritten rules of yacht etiquette—what to wear, how to behave on board, and the social climber faux pas you absolutely must avoid. Plus, learn the history of iconic vessels, the psychology behind boat names, and practical tips for renting yachts or capturing timeless nautical style and home decor on a budget. Show Notes Episode Highlights: [00:00] The Slim Aarons Standard: A look at the iconic 1983 photograph of Tullio Abbate and what it teaches us about effortless, unselfconscious luxury. [04:15] Old Money vs. New Money Boats: The cultural differences between understated family sloops, classic wooden Rivas, and loud, performative party boats. [09:30] Crucial Boating Etiquette: How to be the perfect boat guest. Rules on boarding, removing shoes, avoiding vanity, respecting the captain, and why you should never critique a docking maneuver. [17:45] The Social Climber on Board: Cautionary tales of bad behavior at sea, the danger of over-accessorizing, and tone-deaf hostess gifts. [21:10] Iconic Historical Yachts: From the Mayflower and the Titanic to Aristotle Onassis's Christina O and JFK's Honey Fitz. [28:00] The Psychology of Boat Names: What your boat's name says about your lineage, aspirations, or desire for attention. [32:30] The Yacht Rental Lifestyle: The pros and cons of chartering a yacht, why fraction ownership is a trap, and how to enjoy a boat day without the financial burden. [36:00] Accessible Nautical Style: How to incorporate maritime elegance into your wardrobe and home decor without looking like a coastal cliché. Mentioned in this Episode: Sponsor: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A thrilling tale of old money perfume dynasties and ancient curses. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Photography: Slim Aarons (Tullio Abbate 1983; Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc 1969). Book: Low Season in Saint-Tropez by Kiki Astor. Connect with Auntie Kiki: Have a mortifying boating story or an etiquette question? Email: [email protected] If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and share it with your friends!
• 
  Linen Literacy: A Modern Guide to the World's Oldest Luxury Fabric 29.06.2026 58min

  Join Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners as she dives deep into the fascinating world of linen, revealing why this ancient luxury textile is the ultimate status symbol and a cornerstone of quiet luxury for old money. This episode unravels linen's rich history, from Paleolithic origins and its role as currency in ancient Egypt, to its resilience against the Industrial Revolution. Kiki explains the sociology of linen, detailing how pristine white linen once signified immense wealth through the conspicuous consumption of labor, and why today, rich people love wrinkles as a sign of authenticity and confidence, embracing patina over synthetic perfection. Gain crucial textile literacy by learning how to spot quality linen, understand the significance of geographical origins like Belgian flax and Irish linen, and avoid common linen blend scams (especially those with polyester). Kiki also shares essential linen etiquette: discerning when to iron (tablecloths, formal napkins) versus when to embrace natural wrinkles (shirts, casual wear). Discover how linen is a versatile, year-round fabric, not just for summer fashion, suitable for a range of occasions from country house gatherings to resort wear. This episode equips you with the knowledge to wear and appreciate linen with understated elegance and discerning manners, understanding the subtle social signaling it conveys.   Show Notes   Podcast: Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners Episode Title: Linen Literacy: A Modern Guide to the World's Oldest Luxury Fabric Host: Kiki Astor   Episode Summary:   In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, your Auntie Kiki, Kiki Astor, expertly guides you through the complex and captivating world of linen. Discover why this incredibly strong and luxurious natural fiber has been a secret status symbol for millennia and continues to define quiet luxury and old money style today. From its surprising history dating back 30,000 years, through its societal impact in ancient Egypt and the Roman Empire, to its modern-day role in understated elegance, Kiki unpacks everything you need to know. Learn the nuanced sociology of linen, including why the affluent embrace its natural wrinkles and patina as a mark of confidence and authenticity, in stark contrast to the new money pursuit of synthetic perfection. Kiki empowers you with vital textile literacy: how to identify quality linen by understanding its fibers, weave, luster, and GSM, and how to wisely navigate the market to avoid linen blend scams (especially polyester). She also shares the essential etiquette of linen: when to press for formality (like tablecloths and napkins) and when to let its natural creases speak volumes in summer outfits or year-round fashion. This episode is a must-listen for anyone wanting to master the art of wearing linen with discerning manners and sophisticated social signaling.   Key Topics Covered:   The ancient history of linen, predating cotton, from the Paleolithic era to its significance in ancient Egypt and Rome. Why linen is a true luxury textile and how it endured the Industrial Revolution. The sociology of linen: how white linen became a status symbol through conspicuous consumption of labor and what it signals today. The "psychology of wrinkles": why old money finds authenticity and confidence in linen's natural creases. Becoming textile literate: How to identify quality linen by examining fibers, weave density, natural luster, and understanding GSM (Grams per Square Meter). Navigating linen blends: distinguishing beneficial blends (cotton, silk) from deceptive ones (polyester blend, rayon, viscose). Geographical indicators of quality: Belgian flax, Irish linen, Italian finishing, and Lithuanian production. The etiquette of linen: When to iron/steam (e.g., tablecloths, formal wear) vs. when to embrace its natural state (everyday shirts, casual garments). Linen for all seasons: Styling heavyweight linen for spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Myth-busting common misconceptions about linen's strength, care requirements, and seasonality. The philosophy of longevity and graceful imperfection in old money style.   Key Takeaways:   Linen is a timeless symbol of understated elegance and quiet luxury, not a fleeting trend. True old money style embraces the patina and natural wrinkles of quality linen as a sign of confidence and appreciation for authenticity. Developing textile literacy allows you to discern high-quality linen and make smart purchasing decisions, avoiding scams. Linen etiquette is about understanding occasion and context, letting the fabric's nature guide your choices. With proper care, linen is a durable, versatile year-round fabric suitable for a range of fashion needs. More from Kiki Astor: "Midnight Blue" by Kiki Astor: Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Listen to more Awkward Etiquette: Subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for more insights into etiquette, style, and the manners you lack!       Keywords/Tags: Awkward Etiquette, Kiki Astor, Old Money, New Manners, Linen, Luxury Textile, Quiet Luxury, Understated Elegance, Status Symbol, Social Signaling, Fashion Etiquette, Style, Textile Literacy, Fabric History, Quality Linen, Belgian Flax, Irish Linen, Linen Blends, Wrinkles, Patina, Conspicuous Consumption, Summer Fashion, Year-Round Fabric, Clothing Care, Elegance, Confidence, Manners, Flax, Natural Fiber, Home Linen, Garments, Apparel, Luxury Fashion, Sustainable Style.
• 
  Status, Style, and Stitching: The Secret History and Etiquette of the Monogram 22.06.2026 58min

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, host Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) takes listeners on a fascinating deep dive into the history, sociology, and etiquette of the monogram. Far from just a preppy aesthetic, monograms are one of the world's oldest status symbols, evolving from ancient Mesopotamian cylinder seals and medieval maker's marks to Victorian household necessities and modern luxury logos. Auntie Kiki answers awkward listener questions about monogramming blended names, navigating overbearing mothers-in-law, and styling thrifted finds. She also provides practical rules for gifting, sizing, and placing monograms, as well as tasteful alternatives for those who prefer a modern or subtle approach to personalizing their items.   Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Highlights: [Sponsor Message] A preview of Kiki Astor's newest book, Midnight Blue, a thrilling tale of a scandalous perfume dynasty, an ancient curse, and a potent ingredient called blue oud. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Listener Q&A: Awkward Monogram Situations The 5-Initial Dilemma: How to edit down a long name (Hint: Less is more. Pick three). Towel Placement Wars: Settling the debate between top-center and lower-right placements. Underwear & Veils: The etiquette of monogramming intimates, and how to handle a mother-in-law who secretly monograms your wedding veil. Thrifted Jackets & Exes: Creative ways to cover up old initials using patches or motifs. Blended Families & Same-Sex Couples: How to gracefully combine names, alternate initials, or create a unified "house monogram." The History & Sociology of the Monogram 3500 BCE: Mesopotamian cylinder seals used to authenticate transactions. Medieval Era: Maker's marks used by stonemasons and metalworkers for quality control and payment. 15th Century: Albrecht Dürer uses his initials to protect his artistic brand. 19th Century: The rise of domestic monogramming during the Industrial Revolution to prevent theft at the laundry. 1896: Louis Vuitton creates the LV repeating pattern to prevent counterfeiting, inadvertently creating the modern public status logo. A Diagnostic Toolkit for Reading Monograms How to read the status and intent of a monogram based on its scale (tiny vs. oversized), placement (inside lining vs. exterior), and method (vinyl sticker vs. hand-engraved silver). The Golden Rules of Monogram Etiquette How to correctly gift a monogrammed item (always double-check preferred names!). Matching the permanence of the monogram to the object (e.g., vinyl for water bottles, satin stitch for heirloom linens). Color choices: Why tone-on-tone is the ultimate subtle flex for adults, while high-contrast is best for children and sports gear. Tasteful Alternatives to Initials Using sigils, motifs (like a tiny fox or compass), signature color piping, or removable leather tags to establish an identity without letters. Announcements & Events: Book Signing: Join Kiki on July 25, 2026, in Summerland, California, for the Midnight Blue book signing. Perfume Sweepstakes: Leave a review of Midnight Blue on Amazon or Goodreads and submit proof to be entered to win a large bottle and samples of Ormonde Jayne's "Midnight Oud" perfume. Drawing takes place on July 25, 2026. Join the Guest List: Sign up on Kiki's website for exclusive weekly emails, bonus content, and event invitations. (If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review!)
• 
  The Silver Ice Bucket: Old Money Elegance & Timeless Hospitality on Any Budget 15.06.2026 1h 5min

  Gather round, darlings! In this captivating episode of "Awkward Etiquette, Old Money and New Manners," your hostess, Auntie Kiki Astor, unveils a powerful, often overlooked domestic secret: the humble silver ice bucket. Far from just a vessel for drinks, this episode dissects its profound role in creating an old money aesthetic of ease, elegance, sophistication, and genuine hospitality – regardless of your budget. Kiki dives deep into the sociology and psychology behind why certain homes feel alive and civilized, contrasting this with the fleeting, often superficial displays of the new Gilded Age. Discover how the silver ice bucket, along with other essential home bar accessories like decanters and cocktail shakers, functions as a powerful symbol of preparedness, generosity, and the subtle art of making guests feel truly welcome. Learn the history of ice as a luxury commodity and silver as a statement of cultural capital. Auntie Kiki shares her practical playbook for the nouveau pauvre, guiding you on how to acquire these elegant pieces (think estate sales, flea markets, antique stores) and integrate them into your home to cultivate authentic, cherished social rituals. Whether you're serving fine spirits or sparkling water, this episode proves that decorating with intention and embracing timeless etiquette can transform your space and your social life.   Show Notes: Episode Title: The Silver Ice Bucket: Old Money Elegance & Timeless Hospitality on Any Budget | Awkward Etiquette Podcast with Kiki Astor Description: Join Auntie Kiki Astor on "Awkward Etiquette" as she reveals the secret to injecting old money elegance into your home: the silver ice bucket. This isn't just about decor; it's a deep dive into the sociology and psychology of hospitality, ritual, and cultivating a civilized life on any budget. Learn how to create an atmosphere that fosters connection and conversation, bypassing the fleeting trends of the new Gilded Age. From antique hunting tips to mastering the art of the perfect pour, Kiki provides a practical playbook for authentic entertaining. Key Topics Discussed: The Power of the Silver Ice Bucket: Why this seemingly simple object is a core symbol of old money elegance, ease, and profound hospitality. Beyond Alcohol: Understanding that the episode is about sociology, psychology, and the art of entertaining, not just drinking. Old Money vs. New Gilded Age: The crucial difference between enduring cultural practices and fleeting, Instagram-optimized displays. Cultural & Social Capital: How objects like decanters and ice buckets signify competence, belonging, and a lineage of practice. The History of Ice & Silver: From Frederic Tudor's "Ice King" era to the symbolic weight of silver, and how these materials became markers of wealth and civilization in European and American homes. Choreographing Your Home: How old money architecture and objects create "machines for living" and orchestrate social rituals. The Modern Image Economy: Thorstein Veblen's "conspicuous consumption" updated for social media, where brand capital replaces cultural capital. A Practical Playbook for the Nouveau Pauvre: Kiki's budget-friendly guide to acquiring and utilizing essential bar elements: Acquisitions: Where to find treasures (local antique malls, estate sales, flea markets, thrift stores). Essentials: Silver (or silver-plated) ice bucket, a good decanter, quality tumblers, a small tray, linen cocktail napkins, silver tongs, and bar tools. Staging: Creating dedicated cocktail corners or diverse drink zones. The Art of Hosting: Tips for performing rituals with authenticity, handling guests' preferences, and subtle maintenance for an effortless look. The Secret Weapon: Elegant Ice: How to make clear ice and the importance of ice tongs. Non-Alcoholic Elegance: How to embrace the aesthetic and ritual of the silver ice bucket even if you don't drink, offering sophisticated alternatives. Authenticity & Stewardship: Why patina beats perfection and how thoughtful choices create a powerfully palpable atmosphere in your home. Actionable Takeaways: Prioritize Vessels over Labels: Invest in quality, tactile objects that feel good, not just branded items. Hunt for Hidden Gems: Explore local antique markets and estate sales for unique, often inexpensive, silver-plated ice buckets and crystal decanters. Start Small, Be Deliberate: You don't need a full bar; a few key pieces make a significant impact. Master the Ritual: Learn the elegant choreography of using your bar items, from placing ice with tongs to presenting napkins. Elevate Non-Alcoholic Options: Offer mineral water or sophisticated mocktails in the same elegant glassware as alcoholic drinks. Cultivate Stories: Have a small provenance story for your cherished pieces to share with guests. Avoid Common Mistakes: No empty luxury bottles as trophies, avoid excessive branding, and say no to fake citrus! Host: Kiki Astor, author, ex-rich person, and proud nouveau pauvre. She delights in discussing the sociology of status, etiquette, elegance, and how to live a rich, civilized life on any budget. Sponsored By: "Midnight Blue" by Kiki Astor – Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Discover Julia Peregrine-Cavendish's scandalous journey through an old money perfume dynasty. https://kikiastor.com/books-by-kiki-astor-old-money-romance/ Next Week's Episode Tease: We'll be dissecting another object that quietly communicates status and ambition: The Monogram. Connect with Awkward Etiquette: https://kikiastor.com/awkward-etiquette-podcast-kiki-astor/ [email protected]  
• 
  The Ultimate Guide to the Hermès Scarf: Old Money Style & Quiet Luxury 08.06.2026 1h

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, host Kiki Astor unravels the enduring allure of the iconic Hermès silk scarf. Discover how a simple square of silk evolved from a 19th-century Parisian harness workshop into the ultimate global symbol of elegance, quiet luxury, and old money style. Auntie Kiki takes you on a journey through the meticulous craftsmanship of the Hermès Carré—from the exclusive silk twill and painstaking screen-printing process to the forensic signature of the hand-rolled hem. We explore the cultural significance of the famous orange box, share expert tips on how to authenticate vintage Hermès scarves, and discuss the nuances of luxury gifting and returning etiquette. Whether you want to master effortless French-girl styling with a classic Carré 90, invest in a 140cm cashmere-silk shawl, or find stunning budget-friendly alternatives for the "nouveau pauvre," this episode is your definitive guide to elevating your wardrobe with a single square of silk. Show Notes: The Hermès Silk Scarf Explained Episode Highlights & Key Takeaways: The Equestrian Origins of Hermès: How Thierry Hermès transitioned from crafting elite saddlery in 1837 to launching the first silk scarf (Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches) in 1937. The Anatomy of a Masterpiece: Understanding the artisanal life cycle of the scarf, including the signature silk twill weave, complex color screening, and the legendary hand-rolled hem. The Power of the Orange Box: How wartime scarcity created one of the most recognizable packaging rituals in luxury history. Iconic Designs & Artists: A look at legendary motifs like Bride de Gala and the fascinating story of Kermit Oliver, the only American artist to design multiple Hermès scarves. Styling the Silk Scarf: Why Auntie Kiki prefers the versatile Carré 90 and 140cm shawls over the Twilly, and how to tie them without looking like you are trying too hard. Luxury Etiquette: The unwritten rules of shopping at luxury boutiques, how to properly gift (and wrap) an Hermès scarf, and the polite way to handle returns or regifting. Ethical Considerations & Alternatives: Navigating sustainability in silk production, cultural motifs, and where to find gorgeous non-Hermès silk scarves from Lake Como, Liberty of London, and independent artists. Resources & Mentions: Books by Kiki Astor: Pick up Midnight Blue (a scandalous old money perfume dynasty thriller) and Service Entrance (a perfect Montecito beach read) available on Amazon, Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook. Featured Scarf Designs: Bride de Gala, Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches, Jungle Love, Ciel Byzantin, and Zebra Pegasus. Connect with Kiki: Have an heirloom story or a scarf scandal to share? Email your Auntie Kiki at [email protected] and make sure to join her exclusive mailing list for insider shopping tips!
• 
  Aristocracy's Raincoat: Barbour, the Sociology of Mud, and Stealth Wealth Fashion 01.06.2026 45min

  Why does a battered, smelly, 100-year-old raincoat signal more wealth and social standing than a pristine, fresh-off-the-runway Hermes Birkin? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the maddening paradox of class signaling through the lens of the iconic Barbour jacket. We dive deep into the sociology of mud, exploring how the British elite fetishized utility, why looking like you don't care is the ultimate status symbol, and how a garment designed for 19th-century Scottish fishermen became the global uniform for stealth wealth. From the Great Male Renunciation to Princess Diana's Sloane Ranger aesthetic, learn why the highest form of status is convincing people that status never crossed your mind.  Key Takeaways & Topics Discussed: - The Paradox of Status: Why the higher people rise socially, the less their clothes need to look overtly expensive. - Historical Context: How the Industrial Revolution and the Great Male Renunciation shifted upper-class fashion from flashy court aesthetics (like Louis XIV) to discreet minimalism. - Pierre Bourdieu & Cultural Capital: Understanding why the aristocracy views inherited identity and status security as superior to purchased luxury. - The British Country Aesthetic: Why mud, horses, and hunting became symbols of elite leisure rather than grueling labor. - Barbour Jacket History & Design:    -- Founded in 1894 by John Barbour in South Shields.   -- Why classic Barbours don't have hoods.   -- The secret utility of the brass ring-pull zipper and the cavernous poacher's pocket.   -- Decoding the authentic Scottish tartans hidden inside. - The Princess Diana Effect: How the late Princess of Wales mastered the art of wearing the elite uniform while appearing wonderfully relatable. - Quiet Luxury vs. Old Money: Why the Barbour jacket survives the fleeting quiet luxury trend through pure, historic authenticity. Auntie Kiki's Awkward Etiquette Rules for the Barbour Jacket: 1. Age is Beauty: A Barbour looks best when it is battered, bruised, and well-worn. If you buy a new one, break it in immediately.  2. The Commuter Rule: It is perfectly acceptable to wear a Barbour over a business suit, provided the coat's hem entirely covers your suit jacket.  3. The Cardinal Sin of Cleaning: Never put a waxed Barbour in a washing machine or take it to a standard dry cleaner. Sponge it with cold water and have it professionally re-waxed. 4. Mudroom Etiquette: Barbour jackets left in country house mudrooms are often viewed as communal property. Borrow with grace, but don't be surprised if yours goes missing for the afternoon! 5. No Monograms: Keep it utilitarian. Over-personalizing defeats the jacket's rugged, unbothered aesthetic. Resources & Mentions: - Book Promo: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor. Dive into a world of old money, scandalous perfume dynasties, and an ancient curse. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook). - Mentioned Book: Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor. - Merch: The Dogs and Horses Summer T-Shirt (Available via Amazon and Kiki's website). - Mailing List Bonus: Subscribe to Kiki's newsletter this week for an exclusive guide on the different fits of the Barbour jacket!  Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this deep dive into old money aesthetics, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave a glowing review (Auntie Kiki's ego demands it, darling!).   
• 
  The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre 25.05.2026 1h 6min

  In this episode of the Awkward Etiquette- Old Money and New Manners podcast, host Kiki Astor takes a deep dive into the history, sociology, and psychology of jewelry. Moving beyond precious stones and price tags, Kiki explores jewelry as an ancient social technology used to signal belonging, continuity, and wealth. She breaks down the distinct jewelry "languages" of Old Money (which values biography, heirlooms, and continuity) and New Money (which values ornament, optimization, and brand visibility). Finally, she champions the "Nouveau Pauvre" philosophy—an aesthetic approach that prioritizes intentionality, personal joy, and wearing pieces that tell your unique story rather than chasing fleeting trends.  Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Title: The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre In This Episode: Have you ever wondered what your jewelry says about you before you even speak? This week, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating social codes embedded in the jewelry we wear. Whether it's a dented inherited charm bracelet or a sparkling stack of recognizable designer pieces, jewelry acts as a powerful communicator of status, affiliation, and personal history. Key Topics Covered: The History of Adornment: How jewelry evolved from prehistoric survival talismans and portable wealth to modern-day cultural capital. Biography vs. Ornament: The philosophical divide between Old Money (valuing patina, repair, and family continuity) and New Money (valuing perfect stones, recognizable logos, and conspicuous display). Jewelry Archetypes: Identifying the social logic behind different wearers, from the Heirloom Collector and the Equestrian to the Art World Woman and the Nouveau Pauvre. Decoding the Maisons: What specific elite jewelry houses—like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Verdura, and JAR—signal to those who know how to "read" them. Jewelry Etiquette FAQs: Kiki answers your most pressing questions: - Is it acceptable to reset or remake an inherited family stone? - Can you wear faux/costume jewelry or diamonds during the daytime? - Is it tacky to "upgrade" an engagement ring? - Are tiaras ever appropriate for modern events? The Nouveau Pauvre Manifesto: Why you should prioritize intentionality, avoid the performative "wrist stack," and adopt the "never sell the jewelry" ethic to build a meaningful personal archive.  Featured Sponsor / Mention: Book Recommendation: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A captivating novel about perfume, power, inheritance, and an ancient curse. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook).  Question of the Week: If your bank account vanished tomorrow, but your jewelry box survived, what would your collection say about your life?   https://www.kikiastor.com [email protected]    
• 
  The Scent of Status: How Perfume Shapes Class & Identity, From Cleopatra to TikTok 18.05.2026 56min

  This episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners with your Auntie Kiki Astor goes far beyond mere fragrance, exploring perfume as a social language, a class performance, and invisible status signaling. Dive into the fascinating anthropology of scent, from Cleopatra's perfumed sails to the opulent courts of Versailles, uncovering how elites throughout history manipulated fragrance as carefully as architecture or jewels.   Host Kiki Astor, author and expert on social intelligence, unpacks the hidden meanings behind what and how we smell. Discover the evolution of perfume etiquette, why "old money" values subtlety and discretion, and how today's quiet luxury scents continue this tradition. We'll journey from ancient rituals that equated pleasant smells with moral purity to the modern phenomenon of PerfumeTok, where fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume elitism, and blind buying reveal contemporary obsessions with identity, aspiration, and the curated self.   Learn what your fragrance says about you—whether it's signaling wealth, intellectualism, or seduction—and why, unlike fashion, scent is intimate, invasive, and deeply tied to memory. Kiki also shares insights from her book Midnight Blue, a story infused with the power and mystique of perfume. Buckle up, darling, for an intriguing exploration of how fragrance shapes not just how we smell, but how we are felt and understood in society.   Episode Description: Join your Auntie Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for a captivating journey into the world of perfume, not just as a beauty product, but as a profound social and cultural phenomenon. This episode uncovers how fragrance has always served as a powerful tool for class performance, status signaling, and self-expression throughout history and into the digital age.   In this episode, we explore:   *   The Anthropological Power of Scent: From sacred rituals in ancient Egypt to the "perfumed court" of Versailles, discover how fragrance was used to announce divinity, protect against disease, and define aristocracy. *   Cleopatra's "Anticipatory Aura": How the legendary queen weaponized scent as political stagecraft, a principle still used by luxury brands today. *   The Morality & Class of Smell: Why historical and modern societies equate cleanliness with virtue and how scent becomes a powerful indicator of refinement vs. vulgarity. *   Old Money Fragrance Etiquette: The historical emphasis on subtlety, discretion, and quality, and why "loud" fragrances were (and often still are) class-coded. *   Modern Fragrance Trends & PerfumeTok: The rise of fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume communities, quiet luxury scents, clean girl aesthetics, and the fascinating digital performance of curated identities. *   The Psychology of Perfume: How scent uniquely bypasses cognitive filters, linking directly to memory, emotion, and identity—and why blind buying is such a compelling modern phenomenon. *   Perfume Etiquette in Today's World: Navigating nose blindness, communal sensitivity in enclosed spaces, professional settings, and the delicate art of gifting fragrance. *   Cultural Nuances: Contrasting attitudes towards perfume in France, Gulf countries, and Japan, revealing diverse social norms. *   Layering & the Modular Identity: How modern consumers use fragrance to author unique, ever-evolving versions of themselves. *   Kiki Astor's "Midnight Blue": Insights into Kiki's own novel, where the power of perfume drives a tale of inheritance and obsession.   Tune in to understand why perfume is the ultimate invisible accessory, telling society who you are before you even speak, and revealing the eternal human desire to control how we are felt.   Mentions & Resources:   *   Host: Kiki Astor – Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert *   Kiki's Books:     *   Midnight Blue (available on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, audiobook)     *   Service Entrance *   Key Historical Figures/Texts:     *   Plutarch (Cleopatra's story)     *   Alain Corbin (The Foul and the Fragrant)     *   Jean de Galimar (Scented gloves)     *   Catherine de Medici     *   Louis XIV (Versailles)     *   Pierre Bourdieu (Cultural Capital) *   Fragrance Concepts/Trends:     *   PerfumeTok     *   Quiet Luxury Scents     *   Clean Girl Fragrances     *   Niche Perfume     *   Fragrance Wardrobes     *   Skin Scents     *   Blind Buying     *   Anticipatory Aura *   Fragrance Brands Mentioned: Creed, Diptyque, Frédéric Malle, Maison Francis Kurkdjian, Le Labo, Byredo, Baccarat Rouge. *   Book Comparison: Patrick Süskind's Perfume (mentioned)   Connect with Kiki Astor: [email protected] https://www.kikiastor.com  
• 
  Old Money Secrets and Author Life: Behind the Curtain with Kiki Astor 27.04.2026 41min

  In this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations. Episode Description: Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara.   In This Episode, We Cover: - The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging. - The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate? - The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots. - Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish. - The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez. - The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste. - What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara.   Mentioned in this Episode: - Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue  - Pink Palazzo  - Low Season in St. Tropez  - Scarlet Fever  - Santa Barbara Literary Festival    Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/