Keep Me Young

Épisodes

• 
  The Odyssey is the LOUDEST (and Best) Movie EVER 23.07.2026 1h 9min

  AND SOMETIMES WE POST ON THURSDAYS. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: time is a construct. We are ~*$~artists*$~~ and we can’t be expected to do the same thing more than one week in a row. Hi besties! Join us on an odd-dussy this week through way too many topics for how many minutes this episode is. Heather’s staying young on the sidelines of Black Instagram watching the “bouncy church dress” trend and giggling at the intermittent beauty of people doing dumb shit and posting videos on the internet for each other. Taco Bae is keeping us all young and healthy by being better prepared than the FDA and that’s on trusting processed foods. Jacob Collier makes another appearance on the pod but it’s because Heather listened to one (1) song and actually liked it. Yikes. Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick is also aging us just because, like. Girl. What a life. Woof. Blake is old and young and infinite and limitless because of the ODYSSEY, which he graciously describes to Heather, who has completely forgotten high school English but kind of sort of watched Percy Jackson while they were babysitting. We’re aging at the corner of the internet that continues to be racist and transphobic, shocker. Show us a more beautiful woman than Lupita Nyong’o. JUST TRY. Blake is adding “famous voice actor” to his resume? **Watch this space** for the first and last voice actor Grammy win.  Depression meals are kind of all desserts this week? And we got the first of hopefully MANY similarly ridiculous Q&As. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  "The Scariest Movie of the Year" and Why It Sucks 15.07.2026 1h 5min

  Pride month is every month and this week Heather is staying young with THREE bits of queer news: Lady G’s comment section haters, Layla from Mormon Wives dating a lady, and a new women’s pro baseball league! **Apologies to the WMLB team that got forgotten: San Francisco Firebells! Blake is staying young from a secret work trip to LA like a real ~influencer~ and we’re both on the edge of our seats about the Silky and A’Keria beef which might be…nothing? Speaking of which! Undertone, the “scariest movie of the year” is about podcasters with bad time management skills. Yes, queen, give us nothing! We feel approximately one hundred years old because of Erlin Haalan’s insane 500k Hermes bag collection at the age of TWENTY FIVE. Should we be investing in bags? Leave your certified financial advice in the comments below! This week our depression meals cause emergencies and have staying power but Q&A is a rare peek into the rare good food and drink choices we make. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Taylor Swift, Bangladesh, and Captain America's Bulge 08.07.2026 1h

  The thing about setting a low bar is that when you get two episodes in a row, it feels like Christmas!! Under promise, over deliver, baybeeee xoxoxoThis week we obv had to reflect on our respective family/extended family wedding experiences over the weekend, including but not limited to impromptu line dances, fake-out flash mobs, having the sound guy in your back pocket, crying, AND not crying. Pour one out for our fallen soldier, Blue Barry Jones, Heather’s senior cat who crossed the rainbow bridge to join Blake’s family pets 🕊️ And speaking of meaningful, personal, intentional, poignant life events that bring us together, we also discuss America’s wedding aka JUST+T MARRIED. Heather is aging from that Bangladesh song but not for the reason you’d think, and Blake is aging and staying youthful from a certain Marvel Captain America bathing suit graphic that’s very…girthy. Representation matters and cartoon video game men can be objectified too! Feminism is also great for gay guys!! Our depression meals are another quantity over quality situation, brought to you by BLOATING. We asked and you listened and our Q&A is not of the life/mental health threatening variety! If you are in an emergency situation, please seek professional treatment and not the advice of podcast hosts! ILYSM, bestie! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Leave Ariana Grande Alone! Clown on Tyra Instead! 29.06.2026 1h 2min

  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Theme Song: “Old” written and performed by pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick (https://www.instagram.com/popkisstheband/) (https://www.instagram.com/niconeeek/) (https://www.instagram.com/sydneypatrick_/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Gamers and Misogyny: A Predictable Pair 11.06.2026 1h 10min

  HAPPY PRIDE, DIVAS! Our only question this week is: Why are you gay? https://open.spotify.com/track/5Yof9eDjqqnpu6Lv42TmxR?si=5bd5955d330f429aMay and June are the time for EVENTS and PARTIES and APPEARANCES, so we’re gonna do our best to be in your ears every week but if we aren’t, it’s because time is a construct and not because we don’t love you. This week Keke Palmer and Sean Evans aka KeSean are making us feel like school girls with a crush. Please just announce your relaysh, guys. We’re rooting for you! We’re all rooting for you! Arianna Grande took off the blonde wig and she’s BACK to sassy songwriting and riffs, and we’re so here for it. The Knicks are in the NBA Finals which means Heather has to be a basketball bro again? Exhausting. And video game Twitter explodes over God of War: Laufey because (checking our notes) there’s a woman lead who doesn’t wear makeup. That sounds about right. Depression Meals are store brand, extremely cheesy, and tuna flavored this week, and in Q&A we try to suggest ways for our lesbian fam to be visibly queer in a bathing suit. Gay pride flag as a cape is always safe. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Theme Song: “Old” written and performed by pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick (https://www.instagram.com/popkisstheband/) (https://www.instagram.com/niconeeek/) (https://www.instagram.com/sydneypatrick_/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Is Watching P*rn Cheating? | A Millennial Analysis 27.05.2026 49min

  We’re baaaaack, did you miss us? We’re not like other girls, because we take normal weeks off and then post on federal holidays. AS IS OUR RIGHT. Rest is anti capitalist and we are nothing if not social justice warriors. This week we *try* to keep it short and sweet, but naturally we get going on our Topics and Opinions and it’s basically a full length ep. Heather is staying young because of one half of their favorite couple, that’s right Conor Leavitt. He’s dancing in an off-Broadway show! What?! And Blake is staying young with season 4,389 of Drag Race All Stars, except that we’re not sure an average human needs to view THIS many lip sync competitions in one lifetime. Heather is aging because of the acute only child energy of Jacob Collier and his NYU commencement speech. Blake opens the biggest can of worms from a Twitter post so we can all ponder together: is watching p*rn the same as cheating? What if you watch g*y p*rn? Then, obviously, we had to discuss Christianity in American culture and the privileges of gender v. sexuality. Just light and fluffy stuff over here at Keep Me Young!!! Depression meals this week are sugar based, but gluten free! So basically health food! We’ll be back next week with a Q&A when we can rant and ramble like normal. See you thennnnnn. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  James Charles and Hantavirus: The Two Villains of the Week 11.05.2026 1h 21min

  Hi besties! Welcome to a nighttime episode where your favorite hosts are in an insomnia induced FLOW STATE. A bunch of Gay Guys are keeping us young this week. Firstly, Jake Shane’s feral interview skills, and secondly, Heather’s parasocial relationship of two gay guys on the internet Gus Heagerty and Dan Pelosi. We all deserve a love like that!!! Actually so many things are keeping us young this week, woof. We’ve got Hantavirus and its repercussions for people in the p*ss kink community, Jeff Bezo’s wife in her mother of the bride dress at the Met Gala and how people were shocked and appalled that billionaires are the only people who can support art at a high level in a Children’s choirs are catching strays too?? If there’s anything you should know about Keep Me Young Pod, it’s that we do NOT want to hear unison choral arrangements of pop songs, divas!!!! James Charles said something that rage baited Blake, so stick around for a really top shelf Blake Rant in the middle of the pod.  Depression meals this week are snackyyyy and we’ve got a light and easy Q&A about ~cinema.~ Two weeks in a row about movies, just waiting for A24 to ask to produce us. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  The Devil Wears Prada 2 Fixed Us (Mostly) 04.05.2026 1h 14min

  Y’all we were in some kind of silly goofy mood this week, so buckle up for a LOT of detours and tangents on a podcast that’s already built on detours and tangents. This week Blake is staying young because of Devil 2. We collectively are staying young because it is a renaissance for the MOVIES this summer. We heart CINEMA and having a Communal Movie Going Experience. And the choir said “Heartbreak feels good in a place like this!.” We discuss Blake’s human Barbie sister, nicknames that don’t age super well, Heather’s favorite body part on Blake, and the absolute buckwild poetry of Southern idioms. Heather ages all the way to boomer when they realize in real time that the trend of texts set to gospel music  is fully AI. Let us all take this  as a lesson to trust our instincts! Regular degular people in fact cannot write and perform and record gospel music so well or so quickly! Blake is yet again aging because of a conservative straight white man, this time in the form of alleged “comedian” Ben Bankas and a self posted video of his alleged “successful crowd work” wherein he harasses alleged “hecklers” who are simply two women who are not laughing at his jokes. Nobody freak out, but Keep Me Young was  featured in a small to medium viral post on Twitter for our HOT Heated Rivalry takes. And THAT’S why you should always say your opinions into a microphone if you are gay.  Our depression meals are surprisingly aspirational, just with really horrible execution. And Q&A this week is alllll about self care, baby. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  The Correspondents' Dinner Shooting Is About to Spawn the Worst Takes You’ve Ever Seen 27.04.2026 1h 7min

  Surprise we’re back! Keeping you on your toes here at KMY and we’re back from spring break aka Blake’s family vacation to Florida where against all odds he got sick. But he also had a birthday! HBD king, way to stay on theme with the pod by aging another year! This week our president’s inevitably horrible takes after the White House Correspondents Dinner is aging us. And that’s all we’re gonna say about that in print. Megan Thee Stallion getting CHEATED on causes us to get really philosophical about relationships in general, fame, money, infidelity, monogamy, and straight culture. Blake is thrilled at Euphoria being back on air, and is NOT MAD about That One Gross Scene, okay?? Heather is staying young watching Billie Eilish live her dreams as one less lonely girl with J Biebs at Coachella. She’s just like us, fr. We’re taking a brave stand and formally announcing that we’re pro-bicycles here at Keep Me Young. Unless we’re surrounded by a lot of people who hate bikes. And finally, we try to answer life’s big questions, like “can you think someone is hot without actually liking them?” and “are the youths fundamentally more careful and police-y because everything is filmed and they can’t make mistakes in private?”  We return to our roots with depression meals this week and prove that snacks are, in fact, food, and sometimes that’s a meal. Our submission is a true film noir, and let it be an example for creative writers everywhere.  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Friends, Karaoke, and the Rapid Decline of Trump 20.04.2026 1h 25min

  Stop EVERYTHING and tell us right now if you’re older than 25 and had to sign up for the draft as an 18 year old. Hello??? Did everyone except Heather know about this? Thanks to Queen Donna for her second cameo to clarify Blake’s near military service and our condolences to the newest draftees and let’s all meditate on the implications of compulsory military service for one half of the population because I guess we’ve deemed them both strong and disposable? Eeeeek! Please take a deep centering breath before reading this next sentence: This week Heather is aging muy rapido because of our idiot president and his idiot supporters and certain world leaders’ compulsive destruction and greed. Whew and moving on! Heather and Blake join each other after a night of irl friendship celebrating Blake literally aging another year (humiliating!) at a karaoke birthday party. We discuss karaoke culture, the best good/bad songs to sing in front of your friends, and the Love of the Sport of Singing. We share our personal power rankings of everyone in Friends, and then fall down a massive rabbit hole of early 2000s sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory and how so many of them were like, kinda bad and boring!  This week’s depression meals were supposed to be medicinal and they absolutely failed, but we redeemed ourselves with top shelf professional (?) Queer and Gay life advice. And you know what? As a little treat, we went on the longest tangent ever, absolutely losing our minds for the chubby hotties of the world. God bless. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Boob: The Kristi Noem Story 06.04.2026 1h 37min

  Two horrible politicians stand before me. But there’s only one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl that is still in the running towards becoming America’s Worst Trump Defender. I’ll only call one name and the girl that I do not call must immediately return to the house and pack your bags. Wait, PLOT TWIST both Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem were eliminated! Welcome back to Keep Me Young! This week Blake and Heather are staying young and wild and free because not even the devil’s handmaidens are safe from being fired. It’s really okay and fine to cross dress, even when you buy the cheapest b**bies that the dark web had to offer. But I guess not when your wife is a transphobe Republican? Keep that in mind. Also. We, two of the most chalant people you’ll ever parasocially know, are rapidly aging because of the epidemic of Cool Guys who wouldn’t be caught dead being earnest. Please we beg of you, join us on top of cringe mountain! The view is incredible! Where do YOU fall on the spectrum of Chappell Roan to Kanye in the “separate the art from the artist” debate?  This week’s depression meals are surprisingly healthy (?) and our Q&A brings us back to our youths when we literally didn’t know anything about the world or ourselves. As if that’s any different from now…Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  AI Fruit Love Island and it's Glorious Downfall 30.03.2026 1h 17min

  A new bombshell has entered the villa! And he’s a banana with abs! If you’re counting, this is, in fact, week THREE of discussing our favorite adult high school freshmen, the Mormon wives, but 4 seasons of the show simply wasn’t enough so we’re injecting their personal lives (IG reels) directly into our veins. It’s working! Blake shines a light on a corner of the internet that Heather never wants to visit: AI generated love island episodes on TikTok, but the people are all “sexy” fruit. There is LORE there is SCANDAL there is PETTINESS and, praise be to the internet gods, there is also an end in sight because Sora was abruptly shut down when Open AI got bullied hard enough. H*rry P*tter tv on HBO is aging us all and we are so tired of JK making money. Nobody watch it! Or at least use a pirated HBO account! We take a philosophical turn and ask: is Cards Against Humanity a game for unfunny people to feel funny? If you are an inherently funny person, should you take the game seriously or tone it down for the normies to feel good about themselves?  Depression meals take us on a journey through adulthood, and this week’s Q&A makes Blake absolutely crash out. What is the lower limit to be considered an “elder queer” we ask you???? Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  The (Predictable) Downfall of the Mormon Wives 23.03.2026 1h 18min

  WILL MOMTOK SURVIVE THIS???Trust that if we could make an entire podcast just about our real life actual blood relatives, the Mormon wives, we WOULD. But for now, that content lives here. Blake and Heather are both aging rapidly because of the many scandals following those poor girls (adult women) on that show about filler and hair extensions. We’re staying young by trying new things and feeling literally and spiritually much younger than Hilary Duff. Blake will be forever young because of the far right’s response to…everything, but this week it’s how republican snowflakes are secondhand offended by Rama Duwaji’s tweet about all these f-slurs following her. In her defense, they were probably really loud and annoying!!! Depression meals come with a LOT of context this week, and we are doing the lord’s work by telling the gay youths to stay single and get a hobby because crushes are sooooo much better when they’re queer and reciprocated. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  The Oscars, Peanut VTubers, and How They're Both Exhausting 16.03.2026 1h 26min

  A very happy Oscars week to all who celebrate! Do we actually celebrate? Do we actually know how to talk about film? Unclear! But we each know at least one person who has AMC Stubs memberships, so that’s something.This week Blake and Heather are staying young with supplements, first and foremost. But also by watching prestige television aka the best in the botoxed biz aka our favorite Mormon Wives. We get to keep our young gay cards by discussing Drag Race season 378 - I mean 18 and reminiscing about cringey drag queen sightings in the wild. Blake continues to spread the good news of his Lord and Savior Pokopia and finds real life virtual community through streaming. Heather learns more than they ever wanted to know about *checks notes* dueling peanut Vtubers?? And everyone debates the age old question: to suburbia or not to suburbia?We’ve got a depression meal submission from across the pond and a Q&A that elicits not one not two but THREE self help slogans. Does it make it better or worse to know that we genuinely believe them?? Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Two Opera Singers Discuss Timothée Chalamet 09.03.2026 1h 28min

  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Katseye and Hockey: The Week of Dissapointment 02.03.2026 1h 11min

  Is that actual hope on the horizon, or has it just stopped snowing? Who’s to say! Either way the world is on fire and we’re happy you’re watching it burn with us.Blake educates the children (Heather) on the latest K Pop drama and Heather educates the sheeple (Blake) on the *reads notes* Jim Carey conspiracy theories?? We’re both staying young because of our lord and savior Chris Fleming’s new stand up special and we know that if anyone can get this country back on track, it’s Trans Kansans, aka Transans.  Blake and Heather mix in a little anxiety into their depression meals and answer the age old question: would you rather be dumb and happy or informed and sad? The answer might surprise you! Not clickbait!! Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  National Treasure Alysa Liu and MAGAs Desperate Attempt to Claim Her 23.02.2026 1h 3min

  U-S-A! U-S-A! That’s how you spell Alysa Liu, right? We’re smitten with all of our gold medal woke 3.0 girlies this week and truly have never been such experts of ice related sports. And maybe never will be again! Everyone is staying young because of the hope injected in our veins in the form of winter olympic sports. And yet, we’re also aging because of 1. How they’re really NOT like us, fr and 2. How Republicans have made it about them yet again. Blake and Heather revisit some big theatre kid energy memories from opera camp, Heather FINALLY saw K Pop Demon Hunters, and Blake has opinions about twitch streaming etiquette, so take notes. Depression meals are maybe not as depressing as we think this week and our Q&A is the first “would you rather” we’ve gotten so far. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Episode 25 - The Olympics, The Super Bowl, and The Worst Musician We've Ever Heard 16.02.2026 1h 17min

  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Episode 24 - Melania: The Flop Heard 'Round The World 09.02.2026 1h 16min

  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  Episode 23 - How The Grammys Made Us Feel Old | Keep Me Young (ft. Kyle Ridley!) 02.02.2026 1h 10min

  Spotify: (https://open.spotify.com/show/5T1lFECguCHnfbzyokEWTM?si=JLozFQEVRnC0HXPjHMHPSA) Apple Podcasts: (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/keep-me-young/id1835442547) Instagram for Q&A/Depression Meals: (https://www.instagram.com/keepmeyoungpod/) Theme Song: “Old” written and performed by pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick (https://www.instagram.com/popkisstheband/) (https://www.instagram.com/niconeeek/) (https://www.instagram.com/sydneypatrick_/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices