Unconsciously Competent

Épisodes

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  Ep. 12 - Nonverbal, But I Heard Everything Part 1 02.09.2026 57min

  NONVERBAL, BUT I HEARD EVERYTHING | What a Formerly Nonverbal Autistic Woman Wants YOU to UnderstandWhat if a child isn’t speaking… but is hearing, processing and understanding far more than the people around them realize?For Episode 12, Part 1 of Unconsciously Competent, Kash & Tahoe sit down with Imara Allura Jade, an autistic and ADHD woman who shares that she was formerly nonverbal until around age nine, began speaking around ten or eleven, and is now using the very voice she once struggled to access to advocate, educate and challenge what people think they understand about autism. That lived experience changes the conversation. Imara takes Kash & Tahoe inside what it was like to be a child who could hear what was being said around her even when she couldn’t verbally respond.They unpack the dangerous assumptions people can make about intelligence, comprehension and awareness when communication doesn’t look the way we expect it to. For Kash and Tahoe, both parents raising neurodivergent children, those revelations hit differently. The conversation explores what parents may misunderstand, what autistic children may be experiencing internally, and what changes when parents get the opportunity to hear directly from an autistic adult who can now give language to experiences some children cannot yet explain for themselves.They also get into ADHD, autism, sensory processing, communication differences, regulation, being misunderstood, and the complicated space between protecting neurodivergent children and preparing them to exist in a world that may not always understand them. But this isn’t simply a conversation about deficits or diagnoses. It’s about recognizing intelligence where people may not know how to look for it, understanding that communication and comprehension are not the same thing, and questioning how differently we might treat neurodivergent people if we stopped assuming that an inability to express something means an inability to understand it.And then comes Pick We. This time, perspective-taking becomes more than a debate. Kash, Tahoe and Imara step into a very real public scenario involving a mother, her nonverbal autistic child and a stranger who doesn’t understand what he’s witnessing. What unfolds forces all three of them to examine the experience from completely different positions, and then unpack what it felt like afterward. It’s uncomfortable. It’s familiar to far too many neurodivergent families. And it asks everyone watching to consider what they might be assuming about a child, a parent or a situation they don’t actually understand.Imara once lived in a world where her voice could not fully communicate everything happening inside of her. Now she has something to say. And parents, educators, families and anyone who has ever mistaken silence for absence need to hear it. 🎙️ Unconsciously Competent, Episode 12, Part 1NONVERBAL, BUT I HEARD EVERYTHINGWhat a Formerly Nonverbal Autistic Woman Wants YOU to Understand Hosted by Kash & TahoeFeaturing Imara Allura JadeWhere Ignorance Meets Its Match. 🎓💡Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep 11. Where Has The Softness Gone 12.08.2026 2h 14min

  IT’S SEASON 2 COMPETENT SQUAD! And we are back to continue th growth. And the topic is…. Do You Have Honey on Your Tongue? | Where Has the Softness Gone? Everybody keeps asking where the “soft women” went…but Kash & Tahoe have a different question: What happened that made softness feel unsafe in the first place?In this episode of Unconsciously Competent, Kash brings the philosophy behind her bestselling book Honey on Your Tongue: The Art of Seductive Communication to the table for a much bigger conversation about Black women, Black men, relationships, survival, communication and the armor so many of us learned to wear.Kash & Tahoe unpack the unique history of Black womanhood in America, generational messages around independence and survival, the evolution of women in the workforce, family structures, relationship trauma, the “strong Black woman” expectation and why romanticizing relationships from previous generations can leave out some uncomfortable truths about what women actually experienced behind closed doors.Kash also shares an unforgettable experience educating a room full of women in their 60s and 70s about pleasure, only to discover how many had spent decades married without ever being taught about their own bodies, desires or sexual pleasure. Their stories raise an important question: Does the length of a relationship actually tell us anything about the quality of it?But this isn’t only about women.Kash & Tahoe also examine what happened to the softness of Black men, how survival, masculinity, financial pressure, fatherhood, emotional suppression and generations of being taught to “toughen up” created armor on the other side too.Because maybe we’re asking two armored people to somehow create a soft place for each other.And during Pick We, Kash puts Honey on Your Tongue into practice, showing the difference between being soft and being silent. Can you call your partner out, maintain your boundary, communicate what hurt you AND still speak in a way that gives love a chance to hear you? This was the moment where no one could deny the effectiveness of her method! Because having honey on your tongue was never about making yourself smaller. It’s learning how to say the hard thing without unnecessarily hardening the person you’re saying it to. 🍯🎙️ Unconsciously Competent: Where Ignorance Meets Its Match - Hosted by Kash & TahoeBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 10 - My Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open 27.05.2026 1h 8min

  🧠🎙️ EPISODE DESCRIPTION: What happens when the people labeled “too much,” “too emotional,” “too distracted,” or “too difficult” realize they were never broken… just wired differently?In this episode of Unconsciously Competent, Kash @Au_Natural38 and Tahoe @Tahoe_TV dive deep into neurodivergence, relationships, entrepreneurship, and parenting while unpacking the realities of living with ADHD, raising autistic children, and navigating a world built for neurotypical systems.From executive dysfunction and emotional regulation to hyperfocus, masking, sensory overload, creativity, burnout, and brilliance, this conversation gets REAL about the ups AND downs of neurodivergent life.Together they explore:🧠 ADHD & Autism in adulthood🧠 Neurodivergence in relationships🧠 Parenting neurodivergent children🧠 Why so many entrepreneurs & creators are neurodivergent🧠 Masking, shame & emotional exhaustion🧠 The strengths nobody talks about🧠 How different wiring creates innovative minds Plus in Pick We ⚔️ they step into the shoes of:• teacher vs parent of an adhd childBecause sometimes the problem isn’t lack of love… it’s lack of translation. This isn’t a conversation about excuses.It’s a conversation about awareness, accountability, adaptation, and compassion.Tune into @UnconsciouslyCompetentPodWhere Ignorance Meets It’s Match 💭🔥Streaming on all platforms at StayCompetent dot comBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 9 - Are You Protecting The Vibe Pt. 2 23.04.2026 36min

  Are You Protecting the Vibe? (Part 2)On this episode of Unconsciously Competent, hosts Kash and Tahoe dive into a real and necessary conversation about intimacy, energy, and what it actually takes to maintain connection in relationships as life evolves.What starts as a simple question, “Are you protecting the vibe?” unfolds into a deeper discussion around low libido, hormonal shifts, and the many factors that impact desire over time. From menstrual cycle phases and stress to the ways our bodies naturally change, Kash brings her expertise as a clinical sexologist to break down how biology, environment, and emotional dynamics all play a role in how we show up in intimacy.Together, Kash and Tahoe challenge common assumptions and open up the conversation around something many people silently struggle with:Is it hormonal… or is it relational?This episode explores how awareness, communication, and understanding your partner’s evolving needs are key to sustaining connection, not just chemistry.Because protecting the vibe isn’t about perfection…it’s about intention, timing, and learning how to stay in sync even when things shift.🎧 Stream the full episode at StayCompetent dot com📺 Follow @UnconsciouslyCompetentPod💭 Where Ignorance Meets Its MatchBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 8 - Are You Protecting The Vibe PT. 1 16.04.2026 1h 31min

  Are You Protecting the Vibe? (Part 1)On this episode of Unconsciously Competent, hosts Kash and Tahoe dive into a real and necessary conversation about intimacy, energy, and what it actually takes to maintain connection in relationships as life evolves.What starts as a simple question, “Are you protecting the vibe?” unfolds into a deeper discussion around low libido, hormonal shifts, and the many factors that impact desire over time. From menstrual cycle phases and stress to the ways our bodies naturally change, Kash brings her expertise as a clinical sexologist to break down how biology, environment, and emotional dynamics all play a role in how we show up in intimacy.Together, Kash and Tahoe challenge common assumptions and open up the conversation around something many people silently struggle with:Is it hormonal… or is it relational?This episode explores how awareness, communication, and understanding your partner’s evolving needs are key to sustaining connection, not just chemistry.Because protecting the vibe isn’t about perfection…it’s about intention, timing, and learning how to stay in sync even when things shift.🎧 Stream the full episode at StayCompetent.com📺 Follow @UnconsciouslyCompetentPod💭 Where Ignorance Meets Its MatchBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 7 - The Table Has Changed 19.03.2026 1h 29min

  🎙️ Unconsciously Competent Podcast – Episode 7 Title: The Table Has Changed On this episode of Unconsciously Competent, permanent hosts Kash and Tahoe are joined by guest co-host Chris for a timely and necessary conversation about the financial reality of relationships and households in 2026. Using recent employment trends, cost of living pressures, and lived experiences as context, the discussion explores whether the traditional expectation of a single provider is still realistic for today’s average household. From shifting gender roles and economic instability to emotional labor and partnership dynamics, the conversation challenges long-standing beliefs about what it truly means to “bring something to the table.” Rather than framing the topic as men versus women, Kash and Tahoe guide a collaborative dialogue around adaptability, accountability, and redefining teamwork in modern relationships. What does survival look like for low- and middle-income families right now? How are couples renegotiating responsibilities? And what happens when outdated expectations collide with present-day realities? Through perspective shifts, real debate, and the signature Pick We segment, this episode pushes listeners to reconsider not just who should provide, but what the table actually requires for everyone to thrive. Because growth sometimes starts when we stop arguing roles… and start responding to reality. 🎧 Stream the full episode at StayCompetent dot com 📺 Follow @UnconsciouslyCompetentPod 💭 Where Ignorance Meets Its MatchBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 6 - Let Her Cook: Effort Is The Real Love Language Pt. 2 26.02.2026 1h

  On this episode of Unconsciously Competent, the conversation shifts from theory to real-life love fast… and somewhere along the way, Kash starts cooking. We dive into love languages, not just what they are, but how they actually function in real relationships. Loving someone isn’t about memorizing categories, it’s about learning how to love in the ways you’re capable while stretching toward the ways your partner needs.We talk effort. We talk intentionality. We talk about people saying “don’t give certain benefits before marriage,” and challenge that idea by asking a real question: If marriage is forever, shouldn’t you feel confident before you say “I do”? Life will test your relationship long before the altar does. Then the Pick We segment turns up: Valentine’s Day. Should men expect gifts and experiences too? Or is it a day reserved for women to be wined and dined? Tahoe argues for the women. Kash argues for the men. And the debate gets real about reciprocity, tradition, and evolving expectations.This episode is about loving intentionally, communicating clearly, and entering commitment with confidence instead of hope. Tap in! StayCompetent.comBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 5 - Let Her Cook: Effort Is the Real Love Language Pt. 1 23.02.2026 1h 12min

  On this episode of Unconsciously Competent, the conversation shifts from theory to real-life love fast… and somewhere along the way, Kash starts cooking. We dive into love languages, not just what they are, but how they actually function in real relationships. Loving someone isn’t about memorizing categories, it’s about learning how to love in the ways you’re capable while stretching toward the ways your partner needs.We talk effort. We talk intentionality. We talk about people saying “don’t give certain benefits before marriage,” and challenge that idea by asking a real question: If marriage is forever, shouldn’t you feel confident before you say “I do”? Life will test your relationship long before the altar does.Then the Pick We segment turns up: Valentine’s Day. Should men expect gifts and experiences too? Or is it a day reserved for women to be wined and dined? Tahoe argues for the women. Kash argues for the men. And the debate gets real about reciprocity, tradition, and evolving expectations. This episode is about loving intentionally, communicating clearly, and entering commitment with confidence instead of hope.Tap in! StayCompetent.comBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 4 - Did I Trigger You? 04.02.2026 1h 47min

  In this episode of Unconsciously Competent, Kash, Tahoe, and Chris explore how tone, delivery, and emotional dismissiveness can undermine even the most valid messages. Using real panel clips as a case study, they break down the difference between intention and impact, and why people shut down when feedback feels harsh, threatening, or dismissive.The conversation dives into the psychology and brain science behind communication, explaining how tone affects perception, how the brain processes threat versus learning, and why accountability, empathy, and awareness must work together for growth to happen. They also unpack why advice is often rejected, how identity plays a role in defensiveness, and what makes feedback land without losing honesty.The episode features Pick We, the show’s signature segment, where perspectives are intentionally flipped. Hosts debate from opposing viewpoints to challenge binary thinking and help listeners understand how the other side experiences the same situation. If you’ve ever felt unheard, misunderstood, or frustrated trying to communicate something important, this episode offers clarity, insight, and tools to do it better.🎧 New episode live now. 🔗 Visit StayCompetent.com for all platforms.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 3 - The Listening Gap 04.02.2026 1h 30min

  Are we actually listening to each other, or just waiting for our turn to speak? In this episode of Unconsciously Competent, Kash and Tahoe dive into one of the most misunderstood parts of connection: the difference between hearing someone and truly understanding how a situation affects them. From relationships and accountability to co-parenting and emotional expression, this conversation breaks down why good intentions aren’t always enough.This episode features a powerful Pick We segment where Kash and Tahoe reverse roles to debate a co-parenting scenario. Tahoe argues from the perspective of the primary parent and mother, while Kash takes on the father’s role. What starts as a conversation about whether a dad is “showing up” quickly reveals the deeper issue: two people who care deeply, but are speaking from completely different lenses. The real work isn’t about who’s right, it’s about how communication can miss the mark even when love and effort are present. They also explore how accountability isn’t just about saying “put it on me,” but about understanding impact, context, and what the other person has already processed before a conversation even begins. The episode touches on why men often simplify problems while women scan for surrounding context, and how those differences can either create distance or deeper understanding depending on how we respond. This is a conversation about growth, emotional intelligence, and learning how to listen without defensiveness or assumption. It’s honest, sometimes uncomfortable, often relatable, and designed to help you recognize where you are in your own learning process. Unconsciously Competent is the podcast where ignorance meets its match.Watch, listen, and connect with us on all platforms at StayCompetent.comBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 2- Im Gay But Its Complicated Feat @Billy.TheBadGuy 19.01.2026 1h 57min

  In this honest, hilarious, and heartfelt episode, Kash, Tahoe, and special guest Billy get into the complexities of identity, sexuality, and self-expression with humor leading the way. Billy shares what it means to call himself a “homophobic gay man,” using comedy to navigate his connection to the LGBTQ+ community while also critiquing its extremes. He shared his childhood experience of being SA’d that he feels gave him no option to be straight. Together, the trio explores topics like love bombing, attachment styles, discernment, and the lasting effects of childhood trauma, including Billy’s own experiences of sexual abuse and how they shaped his identity. They also unpack accountability styles, the fine line between sexuality and appropriation, and how public expressions of queerness and masculinity are perceived through different lenses.From confronting double standards in gender and attraction to reclaiming pleasure and emotional clarity, this episode holds space for nuance, laughter, and liberation—with a surprise game of This or That and an empathy-filled Pick We debate you won’t want to miss. Tap in, reflect, and laugh your way through a masterclass on owning your truth… even if it makes people uncomfortable.SocialsKasha@Au_Natural38 on InstagramTahoe@Tahoe_TV on [email protected] on InstagramBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.
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  Ep. 1 - Pick WE! (Pilot) 12.01.2026 1h 8min

  Welcome to the true birth of Unconsciously Competent Podcast! In this pilot episode, Kash and Tahoe unpack accountability, dating transitions, vulnerability in men, discernment in relationships, and the patience required to grow something real, whether that’s love, self-mastery, or a goal you refuse to quit on. The topics may feel familiar at times but the perspectives we share will shift you! Our pilot births our signature segment “Pick We”. One topic, two opposing arguments, and one rule that matters most… you can’t argue your own position. It’s about learning how the other side thinks, not proving you’re right.When we sat down you wouldn’t believe it but we didn’t even have a name. After being held back long enough, we did the only thing that mattered. We sat down and talked. And began shaping the vision. You will get to hear the exact moment the name Unconsciously Competent was born, mid-conversation, proving that sometimes clarity comes after you start.This episode was recorded in July 2023. Yes 2023! It’s January 2026 now… and somehow, it still arrived right on time. Along the road… Life lifed. Hard. Between parenting special-needs kids, running multiple platforms, navigating ADHD, grief, growth, and responsibility, consistency wasn’t always possible, but commitment never left the room. However Competence Collective, Unconsciously Competent didn’t launch late, it launched when we were ready. So while some references reflect the time it was recorded know that the true wisdom is timeless.Ready to let your ignorance meet its match? Stay and grow with us! Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/unconsciously-competent--6846281/support.