Pure Desire Podcast

Epizode

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  476 - Identifying The Pattern of Relapse 18.08.2026 44min

  Many people feel defeated when old patterns return, wondering why they keep struggling despite their desire to change. But relapse is not just a failure. It can reveal patterns that need to be understood and healed. In this episode, Robert Vander Meer explores how lasting transformation comes through renewing the mind, understanding the relapse cycle, and embracing our identity in Christ. We discuss warning signs, the danger of isolation, and the power of authentic community, guardrails, and spiritual practices. This conversation offers hope and practical tools for breaking old patterns and building a path toward lasting freedom.
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  475 - Establishing Strong Guardrails 11.08.2026 47min

  Good intentions aren’t always enough to overcome temptation, rebuild trust, or create lasting change. Without healthy boundaries, many people remain vulnerable to secrecy, compromise, and repeated patterns of hurt. In this episode, Brent Breining explains how guardrails are not about punishment, but protection: a reflection of God’s desire for freedom and healing. We explore how to identify personal “hot spots,” establish meaningful boundaries, and build rhythms of accountability, confession, and community. Whether pursuing recovery or healing after betrayal, this conversation offers practical hope for creating safety, trust, and lasting transformation.
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  474 - Learning How To Break Through Denial 04.08.2026 52min

  Secrecy and denial can quietly erode trust, intimacy, and connection in a marriage. But healing begins when what has been hidden is brought into the light with honesty, humility, and courage. In this episode, Tyler Chinchen explores what true repentance looks like beyond simply admitting wrongs. We discuss the difference between disclosure that harms and honesty that heals, the fruits of genuine change, and how couples can move toward safety and restoration. Through community, accountability, and God’s grace, this conversation offers hope for breaking free from denial and rebuilding what has been broken.
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  473 - The Soul of Shame w/ Dr. Curt Thompson 28.07.2026 56min

  Shame has a way of convincing us to hide, disconnect, and believe we are alone. Yet beneath every struggle is a deeper longing: to be fully known and loved. In this episode, Dr. Curt Thompson explores how shame impacts our ability to connect, heal, and live fully through the lens of Scripture, neuroscience, and attachment theory. Together, we explore how God’s presence and the power of community restore what shame has fractured. This conversation invites us to move from hiding to being seen, known, and loved, and to discover how beauty and healing can emerge from broken places.
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  472 - Recovery Can’t Happen Alone | Summit Roundtable 21.07.2026 38min

  Recovery can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to rebuild after addiction, betrayal, broken trust, or deep personal pain. But healing was never meant to happen alone. In this Summit Roundtable, Nick Stumbo, Ashley Jameson, and Heather Kolb explore the heart behind Pure Desire Summit 2026: Rise & Rebuild, inspired by Nehemiah 2:18. They share how this theme reflects every healing journey and offer a preview of the hope, connection, and transformation waiting at Summit. Whether attending in person or online, discover how community can help you take the next step toward lasting healing and freedom.
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  471 - Healing From The Betrayal Bind w/ Michelle Mays 14.07.2026 51min

  When trust is broken, the impact reaches far beyond the relationship; it can affect the mind, body, and soul. Many partners navigating betrayal trauma feel confused, overwhelmed, and unsure how healing is possible. In this episode, Michelle Mays joins us to unpack the betrayal bind and help us understand the unique wounds created by relational rupture. Together, we explore how attachment, safety, and connection shape the healing journey. With compassion and hope, Michelle offers a pathway toward rebuilding trust, restoring security, and finding healing after betrayal.
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  470 - Why Your View of Sex is Damaged w/ Sean McDowell 07.07.2026 51min

  In this episode, Dr. Sean McDowell unpacks why so many Christians feel stuck in compulsive sexual behaviors and how cultural messages often shape our understanding of sexuality more than Scripture. He explores common deceptions believers adopt about their bodies, identity, and desire, and why sexuality is often disconnected from faith. Together, we discuss how to reintegrate sexuality into a holistic, biblical worldview, highlighting key Scriptures that ground God’s design. Dr. Sean also offers practical ways to unlearn harmful beliefs, develop a thoughtful apologetic around sexuality, and engage others with truth and grace.
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  469 - How Spiritual Disciplines Can Porn-Proof Your Life 30.06.2026 1h 5min

  In today’s episode, we welcome Alan Hlavka for his first appearance and invite him to share a bit of his story and heart for recovery. Together, we explore how spiritual disciplines can serve as a powerful safeguard against pornography use and compulsive sexual behaviors—and why they’re about far more than willpower or religious routine. Alan shares real-life examples of transformation rooted in spiritual practices and offers encouragement for those who struggle with consistency, structure, or discipline. We discuss practical, accessible first steps for beginners, the role of shared disciplines in strengthening marriages, and how to adjust when a practice doesn’t seem to be “working.” Listeners will learn how to cultivate disciplines that are life-giving, sustainable, and deeply supportive of long-term healing and recovery.
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  468 - Recognizing The Lies We Believe w/ Sam Jolman 23.06.2026 1h

  In today’s episode, we explore how our sexual behaviors are shaped long before any crisis moment—and why engaging our personal story of sexual formation is essential for lasting freedom. Our guest, Sam Jolman, challenges the belief that desire is dangerous, revealing how shame, purity culture, and distorted messages about the body often fuel the very behaviors we’re trying to escape. We unpack the difference between natural attraction and consuming lust, and how learning to receive arousal with kindness and curiosity can build a more resilient, “porn-proof” internal life. Rather than self-contempt or behavior management, this conversation invites listeners into radical kindness, identity-based healing, and a vision of sexuality marked by innocence, wonder, and worship. Whether single or married, this episode offers a hopeful path toward wholeness beyond avoidance.
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  467 - What is Godly Sexuality? W/ Joshua Broome 16.06.2026 1h 8min

  In this episode, we dive into the connection between faith, identity, and sexuality, exploring why separating sex from our life in Christ can lead to confusion, brokenness, and misplaced identity. With guest, Joshua Broome, we discuss how today’s western culture often defines worth through sexual appeal, activity, and acceptance, while God offers a radically different vision rooted in dignity, covenant, and purpose. You’ll hear why sexual objectification distorts how we see both ourselves and others, and how healing begins when our identity is firmly anchored in Christ instead of cultural approval. We also talk about the fear of “missing out” by following God’s design for sex, and why His boundaries actually lead to freedom, joy, and wholeness. We unpack practical ways young men and women can build a porn-proof life, develop resilience against temptation, and pursue lasting sexual integrity in a world full of competing messages.
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  466 - Building Emotional Stability & Resilience 09.06.2026 59min

  In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we dive into the essential topic of emotional stability and its role in recovery, relationships, and personal growth. We explore how to assess whether we are managing our emotions or being managed by them, and why there are no inherently “good” or “bad” emotions. Emotions are powerful indicators of deeper realities and can reveal patterns that lead to relapse if left unchecked. Our guest, Heather Kolb, shares practical strategies for slowing down, analyzing emotional triggers, and reshaping patterns connected to fear, anger, loneliness, or rejection. We also discuss habits to cultivate emotional resilience, ways to support loved ones without taking responsibility for their feelings, and recommended resources for deepening emotional health. This episode equips listeners to engage their emotions with awareness, understanding, and stability.
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  465 - Developing Pain Tolerance w/ Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith 02.06.2026 1h 3min

  In today’s episode, we explore what it truly means to pursue a “porn-proof life” from a Christian perspective—beyond willpower, rules, or fear-based accountability. We discuss why many Christians turn to pornography or other compulsive behaviors in moments of pain, stress, or loneliness, and how these coping mechanisms distort God’s design for comfort, connection, and desire. Our guests, Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, offer practical guidance for recognizing the root trauma or past pain driving these behaviors, as well as ways betrayed partners can understand how old wounds may be triggered. We explore healthy approaches to processing life’s inevitable pain, building resilience as individuals and couples, and strengthening intimacy through the Intimacy Pyramid—starting with honesty and safety—to navigate challenges and grow closer together in trust, healing, and authentic connection.
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  464 - Building Trust For The Long Haul 26.05.2026 55min

  In today’s episode, we dive into one of the most tender and complex challenges couples face after betrayal: rebuilding trust that lasts. Even when sobriety is sustained and growth is evident, many spouses still feel the hidden fear that the “other shoe” will eventually drop. Our guests, Tyler and Shari Chinchen, help us unpack why trust can remain fragile, what behaviors—often unintentional—can quietly undo months of healing, and how couples can avoid these subtle pitfalls. We’ll explore the markers of thriving couples who have restored trust over time and what practices consistently set them up for long-term stability. We also address two difficult but common experiences: when the recovering spouse feels they’ve rebuilt more than their partner recognizes, and when betrayal happens again after meaningful progress. Lastly, we discuss why trust must be rebuilt in every area of marriage, the role of group support, and what to do when trust gets stuck despite years of effort.
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  463 - Rebuilding the Physical Relationship After Betrayal 19.05.2026 1h 1min

  On today’s episode, Nate and Maggie Blaylock share their expertise in helping couples navigate recovery, with a special focus on rebuilding physical intimacy after betrayal. They discuss common mistakes couples make in this area and provide examples of what can go wrong, as well as the traits of couples who successfully restore trust and connection in their sexual relationship. The conversation explores how spouses can create a safe, supportive environment for renewed intimacy, communicate boundaries or discomfort effectively, and have constructive conversations about sex without shame or pressure. Nate and Maggie also address shifting expectations, acknowledging that physical intimacy may look different than before discovery, and offer guidance for couples who feel stuck even years into recovery. Listeners will gain practical tools and encouragement for fostering openness, safety, and connection, with insights for cultivating a physical relationship that is not only healthy but potentially even richer than before betrayal.
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  462 - Developing Empathy For My Spouse w/ Carol Jurgensen Sheets 12.05.2026 50min

  Carol Jurgensen Sheets joins us again to explore the vital role of empathy in healing relationships affected by addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. She begins by defining empathy and explaining why it’s essential for rebuilding trust and connection after discovery. Carol also discusses why many addicts struggle with empathy, often due to past modeling or coping patterns, and offers practical guidance for learning this skill even when it feels unfamiliar. We cover strategies for communicating needs as a spouse or family member, navigating situations where the recovering partner may struggle to respond empathetically, and maintaining empathy beyond recovery to enrich all relationships. Carol shares concrete steps listeners can take this week or month to practice and strengthen empathy, emphasizing that it’s a skill that can grow with intention, reflection, and accountability. The episode closes with encouragement for making empathy a consistent, transformative part of life and recovery.
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  461 - Walking Through Truth, Honesty, and Disclosure In Your Marriage w/ Dr. Janice Caudill 05.05.2026 1h 8min

  Dr. Janice Caudill joins us for her first podcast conversation to explore one of the most challenging aspects of recovery: disclosure. She begins by sharing her own background and approach, then walks listeners through what an ideal disclosure process looks like in healthy recovery. Recognizing that most couples face partial, staggered, or even forced disclosures, Dr. Janice offers guidance for navigating fear, trauma, and missteps when the initial process doesn’t go perfectly. She discusses the importance of truthful communication during the gap between discovery and full disclosure, and how to balance a spouse’s desire for details with the need to avoid retraumatization. Listeners will learn how to maintain honesty in long-term recovery, extend transparency beyond addiction-related issues, and cultivate relational trust. Dr. Janice also addresses situations where disclosure isn’t fully possible and offers practical advice for moving toward healing, openness, and integrity even in imperfect circumstances.
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  460 - Navigating Triggers and Traumas After Year One w/ Jason and Shelley Martinkus 28.04.2026 1h 3min

  In today’s episode, Jason and Shelley Martinkus join us for their first podcast conversation to share their insights on navigating the ongoing challenges of healing in relationships impacted by addiction. They discuss how betrayed spouses can communicate triggers effectively, and how recovering addicts can receive this feedback without defensiveness. The conversation addresses common frustrations, such as differing paces of healing, lingering trauma, and the temptation to pressure a spouse to “get over it,” offering practical strategies for patience, perspective, and mutual support. Jason and Shelley also explore how couples can handle unexpected triggers—from new life events to routine situations—and provide tools for repairing trauma together, even in later stages of recovery. Listeners will learn ways to encourage one-sided healing, nurture empathy, and maintain connection while respecting individual boundaries. You’ll gain actionable guidance for cultivating resilience, understanding, and relational growth throughout the long journey of recovery.
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  459 - Redeeming the Post-Affair Divorce w/ Linda Macdonald 21.04.2026 1h 3min

  In this powerful episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Linda MacDonald joins us to explore the unique trauma of post-affair divorce—what she describes as a “spiritual car crash.” We discuss why the grief of being betrayed and then left carries a distinct and devastating complexity, including the deep shame, self-blame, and identity loss many survivors experience. Linda offers insight for betrayed spouses wrestling with worth, rewritten marital histories, and faith shaken to the core. We also address hard questions around forgiveness when reconciliation isn’t possible and what redemption can look like for those who caused the betrayal and now face its consequences. For listeners in the raw aftermath of divorce, Linda shares practical hope for reclaiming identity, rebuilding a fierce, honest faith, and taking the first steps toward healing and wholeness.
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  458 - The Love Language That Matters Most w/ Dr. Gary Chapman 14.04.2026 56min

  Dr. Gary Chapman joins us for a rich conversation about loving well through The 5 Love Languages®. We begin with a helpful refresher on the five languages and explore how personality shapes the way we give and receive love. Chapman also explains the idea of the “love tank”—what fills it, what drains it, and how couples can keep it healthy through consistency, practice, and intentional effort rather than striving for perfection. For listeners navigating recovery from pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal, this episode offers compassionate guidance on using the love languages in healthy, non-manipulative ways that build trust instead of pressure. We also talk about what it means to be a truly good listener, how to express unmet needs with grace, and when to share versus simply hear. Finally, Dr. Chapman introduces The 5 Love Languages® Premium Assessment and how it helps couples grow in understanding and connection.
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  457 - How to Guard Against Sexism and Abuse in Christian Communities w/ Dr. Andrew Bauman 07.04.2026 1h 1min

  In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to discuss why the church so often becomes an unsafe place for survivors of sexual betrayal. Drawing from his work as a licensed mental health counselor and his research with more than 2,800 women, Dr. Bauman shares what led him—from pastoral ministry into clinical practice—to expose the systemic sexism and abuse he documents in Safe Church. We explore how misogyny disguised as theology retraumatizes betrayed women, how men’s recovery spaces can drift toward self-protection rather than true repair, and why meaningful repentance must be victim-centered. Dr. Bauman unpacks distorted interpretations of power, forgiveness, and the biblical term Ezer, and offers practical “green flags” for identifying church communities that genuinely support healing, equality, and spiritual safety for both men and women in recovery.