Pillow Talks

Epizódok

• 
  E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates 23.07.2026 56p

  We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners. This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at intimacy, plus the small shifts that bring you back to each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The full D.R.I.F.T. Framework and why that 67% roommate stat lands so hard for so many couples 📱 How the average person's 144 daily phone checks can turn date night into two people scrolling side by side 🔁 When "who's grabbing the kids?" takes over and the deeper conversations start to disappear 😐 Why the absence of conflict isn't the same as closeness 🙏 The gratitude gap that lets resentment move in, and why appreciation is one of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage 🤝 How the "bristle reaction" kills everyday affection, and the 10-second reset that brings it back These might feel like small things, but over time they add up to real distance. The good news: once you can name them, you can start to shift them, together. 🕯️ Ready to swap the drift for a little more spark every month? The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep choosing each other on purpose, with low-pressure ways to stay close long after the credits roll on date night. Fresh ways to reconnect that you don't have to dream up yourself, so "fine" never gets the chance to settle in Simple, doable ideas that bring real conversation and everyday, non-sexual affection back into your week A monthly nudge to keep intimacy intentional, because connection takes intention, not mind-reading 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs 16.07.2026 1ó 1p

  Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the disagreements they just can’t seem to settle with their partner, and today we’re weighing in as your official referees. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: 💋 Is oral foreplay or the main event? 🐾 If the pet falls asleep on your lap, are you officially off chore duty? 👀 Can men and women really be just friends? Our take. ✂️ Who gets the final say when it comes to grooming and body hair? 🕯️ Want more fun, flirting, and connection with your partner every single month? The Spark is our monthly membership full of playful, low-pressure ways to keep things exciting, no matter how different the two of you are. Fresh sweet & spicy date ideas, conversation starters, and intimacy prompts every month Simple ways to reconnect, even on your busiest weeks Something you can actually look forward to doing together without having to plan a thing 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments 09.07.2026 1ó 6p

  It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions! This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest reactions, beyond real talk, and more than a little oversharing? 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether we've ever set foot in a swingers or sex club If we’re starting an Only Fans Is it weird that our parents know intimate details about our sex lives because of what we do Our honest answers about giving each other the Ick Who really initiates more between the two of us Our favorite time of day for sex, and the reasoning behind it How we handle the creeps who show up in our comments The single position we'd choose if we had to pick just one forever At the end of the day, we're two people figuring out long-term love, running a business, and life together… while keeping intimacy our priority. Thanks for being on the ride with us. 🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 🔥 Ultimate Sex Positions: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 🔥 The Art of Initiation: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?utm_term=podcast 🔗 Links & Resources 🛏️ Get the TABU Pillow — Comfortable, discreet, and actually changes the angle in ways that make a big difference 🔥. We’re obsessed. → https://vmtherapy.com/pillow 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Made from viscose from bamboo — breathable, soft, and built for summer. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Cure. So Cure Hydration is officially in Target now, which I'm way too excited about. I stocked up last week and I'm not ashamed to say I've already restocked. Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E267: The Hygiene Episode 02.07.2026 55p

  Should I shower first? Is this normal? Why does it smell like that? This week we're going there with zero judgment, answering your real hygiene and sex questions one by one. Nobody taught us how to actually take care of our bodies for sex. Not our parents, not health class, not anyone. And so we've been left to piece it together ourselves, often while carrying a whole lot of shame that doesn't belong to us. That's exactly what this episode is about. We got flooded with questions from our Instagram audience on hygiene and sex, and we're answering all of it, honestly, warmly, and with more poop talk than either of us anticipated. From what to do before and after, to discharge, breath, smells, and the great cleanup debate, we're covering it all. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What actually matters (and what you can skip) when it comes to staying fresh before and after sex Why the shame we carry about our bodies being "dirty" around sex is making everything harder, and messier What your vulva actually needs to stay clean (spoiler: way less than you've been told) Why semen can have a smell, and when it's actually worth a second thought How to tell your partner their breath or body odor is getting in the way of intimacy, without it turning into a fight The gush: what it is, why it happens, and what you can actually do about it The after-sex cleanup debate: cup-and-shuffle, a towel by the bed, or straight to the shower If you've ever felt self-conscious about your body, your smell, or what counts as "normal," we hope this one leaves you feeling a whole lot more at ease. There's no shame here, just us answering the questions everyone's secretly Googling. 🕯️ Want to keep things exciting long after this episode ends? The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to stay connected, playful, and turned on, without having to figure it all out on your own. Fresh ideas and prompts delivered every month to keep intimacy feeling alive Low-pressure ways to reconnect, even on your busiest weeks Made for real couples and real bodies, zero shame required A simple monthly nudge to put each other first again 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks The Spark. No planning. No awkward ‘what should we do?’ Just open it and go.And it’s only nine dollars a month, cancel anytime. Because a little spark goes a long way. ➡︎https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows, Squirting, and Standing-Up Sex 25.06.2026 1ó

  You send us your most "I can't believe I'm actually asking this" questions, and we live for it. So we're back with the third edition of Ask a Sex Therapist, going rapid-fire through as many of them as we can, with real answers, tips, and stories. No question is too awkward, too niche, or too "is it too late to ask this at my age?" 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What "tossed salad" actually means, because it's never too late to ask How to tell if you're about to squirt or pee, and whether squirting is even real Is the G-spot orgasm real? We settle it Sex pillows and spit as lube: the honest yes-or-no on both Why standing-up sex never seems to work, and how to fix it Why a partner might go soft when you're on top Strap-ons as a tool for guys facing performance pressure Whether it's worth shaking things up when your sex is already great If you've ever sat on a question because it felt too weird to say out loud, consider this your permission slip. Chances are, someone else is wondering the exact same thing. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES Get the TABU Pillow Comfortable, discreet, and actually changes the angle in ways that make a big difference . We’re obsessed. 👉🏻 [INSERT LINK] 💦 Variety is the spice of life (and your sex life) Ultimate Sex Positions is our guide to over forty illustrated positions, with step-by-step help getting into, out of, and moving in each one. Over 40 positions with clear, illustrated, step-by-step guidance The fixes for the ones that never seem to work (standing-up sex, we see you) Toe-curling, bedsheet-gripping experiences built for both of you Plus the secret to actually craving more sex 👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 💪 For the guys: no shame in your game The Modern Man's Guide to Conquering Performance Pressure gets into what's happening in your brain and your body, so sex feels good instead of stressful. A holistic approach to performance anxiety and erections Real help for early ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and going soft Build genuine confidence in your technique For hotter, more satisfying sex, minus the stress 👉🏻 Check out The Modern Man's Guide here: https://vmtherapy.com/modernman 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs, Secret Texts, and Sneaky DMs 18.06.2026 56p

  Have you and your partner ever actually sat down and defined what counts as cheating? Most of us never do, which is exactly why the gray areas get so complicated. We're back with Part 3 of Is This Cheating?, weighing in on your trickiest, most "wait, is that okay?" scenarios. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why every couple has to define cheating for themselves, and the talks most people skip Real listener dilemmas: late-night drives, a secret sex-shop trip, and disappearing text threads The female-friendship situations that blur the line between platonic and something more Our honest take on the big one: does masturbation count as cheating? A rapid-fire round on nudes, dating apps "for friends," flirty DMs, and drunk Vegas kisses Why this is the perfect episode to play for your partner and talk through together If you've ever felt unsure whether something crossed a line, you're not overreacting and you're not alone. The clearer you get on your own definition, the easier these conversations get. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our monthly membership that delivers fresh, low-lift ways to connect, flirt, and keep things exciting. New prompts and ideas delivered to you every single month Designed to spark real conversation and connection, together Low commitment and big payoff, for just a few dollars a month Perfect if tonight's episode has you wanting to reconnect with your person 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E264: What Women Really Think About... Part 3 11.06.2026 1ó 5p

  So we're back with Part 3 of What Do Women Really Think About…?, giving you the honest answers women don't always say out loud. From the mental load to mirror selfies, nothing’s off limits. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether women actually want a "book boyfriend," or if that fantasy is better left on the page? The real deal on mental load: is it running in the background every single day? Cum on the face: hot, not, or total depends? We give you the honest answer. Dick pics and mirror selfies: what reads as sexy vs what gets an instant delete? Blowjobs before a shower: the candid take you've been too shy to ask about. Why women open up to their friends about their sex lives so freely? Getting finished with hands or fingers: thoughtful move, or last-ditch effort? Here's the thing: the questions that feel embarrassing to ask are usually the ones everyone else is secretly wondering too. You're not weird for being curious. You're just paying attention. 🍆 Ready to be the best they've ever had? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are our step-by-step guides to using your hands and mouth on your partner in ways that will blow their mind. Clear, no-guesswork techniques for fingering, oral, handjobs, and blow jobs. Separate guides for vulvas and penises, so you know exactly what to do. Built to take you from unsure to genuinely confident. Perfect if today's questions left you wanting to level up. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June21st. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cure. Not all hydration is created equal. Cure does it right with simple, clead ingredients and flavors worth reaching for all summer long. Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. Find Cure now at target this summer! Real ingredients. Real Hydration. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Remi. Protect your teeth with Remi by using code PILLOW to get 50% off your new night guard with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E263: How to Have More Fun in Your Relationship 04.06.2026 56p

  When was the last time you and your partner did something purely for fun? Not productive, not logistical, not about the kids, just fun. If you had to think about it for a beat, you're not alone. Most long-term couples slowly drift from enjoying each other to managing life together, and fun is usually the first thing to quietly disappear. In this episode, we're talking about why couples lose the fun, why it matters way more than most people realize, and 5 surprisingly simple ways to bring it back. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why fun is one of the most underrated forms of intimacy (and how it actually builds resilience, attraction, and friendship) The IG poll results that show just how universal this is. Only 21% of our community said they have a lot of fun in their relationship The most common things that get in the way of fun, from kids and money stress to "we honestly just forget" The reframe that helps you find more time for fun. If you've been feeling more like roommates than romantic partners lately, this episode is a gentle reminder that it’s possible to bring back the fun. 🕯️ Want more fun, connection, and intimacy in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 🔗 Links & Resources Sex Talks (our book) → https://sextalksbook.com The Ultimate Foreplay Guides → https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Ultimate Sex Positions → https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June21st. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E262: The Sex Personality Quiz Every Couple Needs (And What Your Type Says About You) 28.05.2026 1ó 7p

  Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking totally different languages when it comes to sex? One of you wants spontaneity, the other needs to feel emotionally close first. One of you craves novelty, the other finds comfort in what already works. Here's the thing: it's probably not about compatibility. It's about your sex personality types. In this episode, we walk you through all five types, what drives each one, the superpowers they bring to a relationship, the shadows that can quietly cause friction, and how knowing your type (and your partner's) can completely change the way you understand each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why understanding your sex personality can shift everything about how you connect with your partner 🔥 The Firestarter — the spontaneity-fueled type who treats passion as proof of connection 💞 The Connector — for whom emotional intimacy is the door to physical intimacy 🌸 The Sensualist — present, embodied, sensory-driven 🪶 The Adventurer — curious, playful, novelty-seeking ⚓ The Anchor — steady, communicative, and grounding How to reframe your partner's "differences" as information, not rejection Why understanding your blend can take you out of the blame cycle and into actual change Whether you've been together six months or sixteen years, this episode gives you a whole new lens for understanding why you want what you want, and why your partner wants what they want. Less guessing. Less misreading. A lot more clarity. ✨ Want to know your sex personality type? Take our free quiz here → https://vmtherapy.com/sex-personality-type 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E261: ED, PE & Everything In Between: Your Performance Problems Solved (Part 2) 21.05.2026 58p

  The response to our first episode on penis performance problems was so big that we knew we had to come back for round two. In this episode, we're getting into the practical stuff: what to do in the moment when things aren't going as planned, how to keep your sex life feeling connected and fun even when performance issues are in the mix, and how both partners can show up for each other without making everything weird. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether you need to tell your wife you're taking ED meds How to get out of your head before sex when PE anxiety is already spiraling Practical tricks for lasting longer — specific, usable techniques that actually help How to bring spontaneity back when Viagra has a 30-minute waiting period — because yes, this is fixable How to bring up a performance issue with a partner who doesn't seem to notice it — the conversation you've been avoiding, made easier What to do when he loses his erection mid-sex When it's time to bring in a doctor — because sometimes the answer really is medical If you or your partner have ever felt alone in navigating this stuff, this episode is proof that you're not. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES We've put together a guide that goes even deeper into everything we talked about today. The Modern Man's Guide to Conquering Performance Pressure is a step-by-step resource built from Vanessa's years of sex therapy practice — real tools, real techniques, zero fluff. Strategies for erectile difficulties, early ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation Exercises you can use on your own and in the moment with a partner A whole chapter for partners — because this is a team sport Practical and shame-free from start to finish 👉🏻 Check out The Modern Man's Guide here: vmtherapy.com/modernman 💛 STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E260: How To Orgasm Like A Man: Breaking The Blocks That Keep Women Stuck 14.05.2026 1ó 5p

  For a lot of women, orgasm feels like this mysterious thing that either happens or it doesn't. Nobody taught you how. And somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that your pleasure is complicated, too demanding, or just... less important. But here's what we want you to hear: that's NOT true. In this episode, we reframe the whole conversation, asking what it would look like if women approached their own pleasure with the same expectation men do. No apology, no overthinking, no putting everyone else first. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The mental blocks that pull women out of the moment, from body distraction and to-do list thinking to feeling awkward or selfish for focusing on your own pleasure at all. The technique gaps no one ever filled in, including what to do if you've never had an orgasm, if you can only get there through oral, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner. The relational stuff that makes it even harder — worrying about how you smell or taste, not knowing how to redirect a partner without hurting his feelings, and the faking cycle that's been going on so long you don't even know how to stop. How to think like a man during sex and what it would actually mean for a woman to show up to her pleasure with that same sense of entitlement (in the best possible way). What the path forward actually looks like, whether you're starting from zero or expanding what's already working, both solo and with a partner. If you've ever felt like your orgasm is the last priority, this one is for you. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES Finishing School is Vanessa's step-by-step system for learning how to orgasm consistently, reliably, and in more ways than you might think possible. It's been completely rebuilt around the three blocks covered in this episode: Mindset, Technique, and Partnership. Work through the mental and emotional blocks keeping you stuck in your head Learn The Finishing Formula and the specific techniques most likely to get you there Built to meet you exactly where you are, with a 30-day money-back guarantee 👉🏻 Check out Finishing School here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm 💛 STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out) 07.05.2026 1ó 3p

  This one's for the sleep-deprived, the time-starved, the diaper-changing, homework-helping parents who still want to feel like a couple. We see you. And we asked our community to help us show up for you in a big way. In this episode, we're reading real responses from real parents — practical, doable ideas and a little tough love for making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we talk about parenting and intimacy even though we don't have kids ourselves The #1 thing our parent community says completely changed their sex life (hint: it involves your calendar) How to stop resentment before it builds The small acts of emotional intimacy that go a long way The little rituals making a real difference Timing hacks that real parents swear by The privacy solutions couples are using so they can actually relax Mindset shifts that unstick couples from dry spells and all-or-nothing thinking A powerful DM from a parent in our community that will challenge you, encourage you, and maybe make you tear up a little Your relationship isn't something you'll get back to someday. This episode is the reminder you needed to start now. ✨ Want a simple, fun way to keep the spark alive every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription packed with fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters — designed for real couples with real lives. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Talking to your kids about sex and relationships doesn't have to be awkward — but it does have to happen. Beyond The Birds & The Bees is our guide to having honest, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about bodies, relationships, and healthy sexuality — so they hear it from you first. Practical scripts and conversation starters for every age Takes the guesswork (and the cringe) out of the talk Helps you raise kids with healthy attitudes about sex and relationships Because the best gift you can give your kids is parents who aren't afraid to go there 👉🏻 Check out Beyond The Birds & The Bees here: http://vmtherapy.com/kids 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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  E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire 30.04.2026 1ó 4p

  Whether it's a glass of wine to take the edge off or a gummy to get out of your head, a lot of people use substances to feel more relaxed, more connected, or more in the mood. But there's a lot more happening under the surface than most people realize. In this episode, we're pulling back the sheets on how alcohol and marijuana actually affect desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm — including some real talk from our own experience and candid responses straight from our Pillow Talks community. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we're upfront about our bias as sober people — and why some of our worst sex happened while intoxicated The real reasons people turn to substances for sex What our community shared about their own experiences — from laughing too hard to try anything, to not being able to orgasm at all The dangers that don't get talked about enough: impaired judgment, consent confusion, emotional flattening, and how substances can make it harder to get aroused, get wet, get hard, or finish The long-term patterns to watch for, including building a dependence on substances just to feel intimate Is sober sex awkward at first? What to do if your libido is low and you're wondering if weed might help How to tell your partner that sex while intoxicated makes you uncomfortable What to do if you're the one who's been relying on substances to get in the mood and you want to change that This one is honest, a little vulnerable, and genuinely useful, whether substances are a regular part of your sex life or you've never even thought about it. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship — every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month — less than a latte, way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming 24.04.2026 1ó 3p

  One of our favorite series is back. You sent us your wildest, messiest, most "wait… am I the problem here?" relationship stories. And we have opinions. We're talking about a wife who's been sharing intimate details about her husband with her entire family for years (but only good things, so it's fine… right?). A partner who was a little too honest about his wife's body (brutal). Neighbors banging on the ceiling mid-sex. And a whole lot more. Some of these had us genuinely torn. Others? Not so much. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Is it okay to talk about your sex life with friends and family… even if your partner doesn't know? When "just being honest" about attraction crosses a line The initiation that was so bad it killed the mood instantly What happens when your neighbor tries to police your sex life Our honest takes on every single one (and we don't always agree) Whether you're here to feel validated, get a reality check, or just enjoy some relationship drama that isn't yours… this one's a fun ride. 🔗 Links & Resources Catch up on past AITA episodes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode199 https://vmtherapy.com/episode187 https://vmtherapy.com/episode155 https://vmtherapy.com/episode135 https://vmtherapy.com/episode125 🔥 Want to give your partner the best foreplay they’ve ever had? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are our step-by-step guides to expertly pleasuring your partner, with detailed techniques, animated GIFs, and audio walkthroughs. • Over 100 unique techniques for fingering, oral, hand jobs, and blow jobs • Beautiful animated illustrations so you know exactly what to do • Written and audio versions of both guides • Inclusive language and visuals, because everyone deserves great pleasure Stop guessing and start giving your partner a “my soul just left my body” experience. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides? Stay connected 💛 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Let this Mother’s Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too — discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E256: Doggy Style: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure 16.04.2026 1ó 1p

  Let's talk about doggy style. It's one of the most popular positions out there. It can feel intense, wild, and incredibly hot. But it also comes with a lot of questions. Is it supposed to slip out that much? Why does it feel too deep? What if you queef? What about the… view? Yeah. We're going there. In this episode, we're covering everything you need to know about doggy style. How to get into position, how to move, how to adjust the angle for more pleasure (or less pain), and how to actually feel confident doing it. Plus, we're answering your real questions from Instagram and sharing some of our favorite variations to try. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why doggy is one of the best positions for clitoral stimulation (and how to make the most of it) Simple angle and arm adjustments that completely change how it feels What to do when it feels too deep or uncomfortable How to handle the queefing, the slipping out, and the self-consciousness Why this position is actually great for feeling less shy about touching yourself Variations like standing doggy, lying doggy, and cowboy doggy that keep things fresh Answers to your most-asked (and most awkward) doggy style questions from Instagram Whether doggy is your go-to or you've been avoiding it, this episode will help you feel way more confident the next time you try it. 🔥 Want to explore more positions together? Ultimate Sex Positions is our illustrated guide to 42 sex positions with step-by-step instructions, movement guidance, and variations for real bodies. Discover positions that change the energy of sex, from slow and romantic to intense and wild Get clear instructions on how to get into position and how to actually move Includes adjustments for height differences, curves, bellies, pregnancy, and flexibility No acrobatics required. Just curiosity and a willing partner. Most couples rotate between 2 or 3 positions. This guide helps you break out of that loop and find new favorites. 👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay connected 💛 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E255: The Sexiest Thing You're Not Doing in Bed…Mutual Masturbation 09.04.2026 43p

  Only 36% of our audience says they've tried mutual masturbation. Which means most of you are missing out on one of the most erotic, intimate, and surprisingly easy things you can do with your partner. It sounds intimidating. Maybe even a little awkward. But here's the thing: it doesn't have to be. In this episode, we're breaking down what mutual masturbation actually is, why it's so hot, and exactly how to try it for the first time (even if the idea makes you nervous). 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why mutual masturbation is one of the best ways to learn what your partner actually likes How being "on display" for each other can be surprisingly sexy Simple, low-pressure ways to bring it up without making it weird What to do if you feel shy (hint: a single candle goes a long way) Creative ways to level it up once you're comfortable How mutual masturbation can help you overcome shame around self-pleasure Why this can be a game-changer for orgasming with your partner You don't have to be adventurous or fearless to try this. You just have to be a little curious. And this episode will give you everything you need to get started. 🔥 Want to take your foreplay skills to the next level? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are Vanessa and Xander's step-by-step guides to expertly pleasuring your partner, with detailed techniques, animated GIFs, and audio walkthroughs. Over 100 unique techniques for fingering, oral, hand jobs, and blow jobs Beautiful animated illustrations so you know exactly what to do Written and audio versions of both guides Inclusive language and visuals, because everyone deserves great pleasure Whether you want to build confidence, learn something new, or just blow your partner's mind tonight, this is where to start. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Remi. Start a new year right and use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off your purchase of a new night guard. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Let this Mother’s Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too — discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎ 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E254: Couples Coaching: Why Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life 02.04.2026 53p

  We're back with another real-life couples coaching session. Have you ever gotten to a point where sex doesn't just feel uninteresting… it feels like something you actively resent? Where you love your partner but the thought of being touched makes you want to crawl out of your skin? That's what's going on here. And there is so much underneath it. We're talking about what happens when orgasm has always been a struggle, when postpartum and hormones change everything, when porn creates unrealistic expectations, and when "just doing it anyway" starts to backfire. Because this isn't really about libido. It's about feeling heard, feeling safe, and figuring out how to be on the same team again. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why "low libido" isn't the real issue here (even when it looks like it) What happens when sex has never been physically easy or enjoyable for her How postpartum, nursing, and hormones quietly reshape desire The pressure she feels to want sex "like the girls in porn" and how that kills connection Why doing it anyway when you don't want to builds resentment, not closeness What it looks like when both partners feel frustrated and neither feels understood How to start talking about sex without it turning into the same old fight If you've ever felt like you and your partner are speaking completely different languages when it comes to sex… this one's going to feel really familiar. You're not broken. You're not alone. And there is a way through this. 🔥 Ready to feel more confident in your pleasure? Finishing School™ is Vanessa’s step-by-step program for understanding your body — and learning how to experience real, reliable pleasure in a way that actually feels good to you. Follow a clear, proven framework for building arousal and orgasm Learn the most valuable techniques women actually use to get there Stop guessing and start understanding what works for your body Expand your pleasure so sex feels more varied, flexible, and fun This is about making pleasure something you can learn… and actually enjoy. 👉🏻 Check out Finishing School™ here: http://vmtherapy.com/orgasm 🔥 Ready to make this easier (and way more consistent)? If you want an easy way to keep conversations like this happening (without having to “figure out what to say” every time), check out The Spark. Fun, flirty, sex therapist-created relationship ideas you can try together every month. Think: connection boosts, date night inspo, a new sex position, and simple, low-pressure ways to keep intimacy on the radar. You can wait for connection to magically happen… or you can let us deliver it straight to your inbox each month. It could be the best $9 you ever spend. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex 26.03.2026 1ó 7p

  We do weekly “ask us anything” boxes over on Instagram… and let’s just say… you all really show up with the questions 😏 Today, we’re bringing your q’s to the podcast and diving into them for real. We’re talking about everything from sex pillows to dry spells, morning sex mismatches, body confidence, toys, and what to do when your partner just isn’t that into the resources you know could be helpful. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The pros and cons of sex pillows (and whether they’re worth trying). How to think about a “dry spell” in a relationship (and what’s actually normal). How to navigate it when one of you loves morning sex… and the other one really doesn’t. Whether you actually need to feel horny to initiate (this one might surprise you). How to feel more comfortable in lingerie (even if it feels awkward at first). What to do when you’re tired from life, parenting, and work… and intimacy isn’t top of mind. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “huh… I wonder about that too,” — you’re going to feel very seen in this episode. Because these are the kinds of questions so many people have… they just don’t always say out loud. 🔥 Want sex that makes you go… “wait, why don’t we do this more often?” If you’re down to play, explore, and discover new ways to turn each other on, The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are where things get very fun. Clear, expert-backed step-by-step techniques for how to touch, tease, and build pleasure in ways that feel really, really good. Because it’s not just about “leading up to” something else… this is the good part. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 👉🏻Get the sex pillow: Head to vmtherapy.com/pillow to get 10% off our favorite sex pillow (code will be applied at checkout) Stay connected: Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander Want more tips like this delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for our weekly emails: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Don’t forget to subscribe to Pillow Talks so you never miss an episode! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead) 19.03.2026 52p

  Most parents dread “the talk.” How much are you supposed to say? When do you start? What if you say the wrong thing? If you’ve ever felt awkward, unprepared, or secretly hoped your kid would just… figure it out somewhere else — you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: talking to your kids about sex doesn’t make them reckless. Research shows it does the opposite. It reduces risky behavior, increases safety, lowers shame, and strengthens your relationship. And it’s never too late to start. In this episode, we break down how to move beyond one big, terrifying “talk” and instead create short, ongoing conversations that actually work. No lectures. No shame. Just practical, real-world guidance from a licensed sex therapist who’s been helping families navigate this for over 20 years. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “The Talk” is a myth (and what to do instead). The research-backed benefits of talking to kids about sex. How to get clear on your why before you start. How to define your family’s guiding principles around sex. The 5 core conversations every parent should have (and how they evolve by age). Conversation starters and scripts you can actually use. What to say when your kid asks a question that completely catches you off guard. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to start. And that willingness? That’s what makes the difference 🔥 Want Step-By-Step Support? If you’re ready to become the parent your kid can talk to about anything — and you want all the guesswork taken out of it — Beyond The Birds & The Bees: Raising Smart, Safe, Shame-Free Kids gives you scripts, age-by-age guidance, and clear direction on how to raise safe, smart, shame-free kids. It’s not just about having better conversations. It’s about breaking cycles. 👉 Learn more here: vmtherapy.com/kids Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• 
  E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want 12.03.2026 1ó 5p

  We’re talking about something that explains so much of the tension couples feel around sex and desire. And no — it’s not about having a “high” or “low” libido. Desire isn’t as simple as being “in the mood” or not. It’s shaped by how desire shows up for you — in your brain or your body — and when you want intimacy — before or after emotional connection. When you combine those two dynamics, you get four distinct Desire Types. This is a framework we created to help couples finally understand why they might feel like they’re not on the same page when it comes to intimacy. Understanding yours (and your partner’s) desire type can completely change the way you approach sex, connection, and feeling wanted — without blame, shame, or pressure. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between spontaneous (brain-first) and responsive (body-first) desire. Why some people want sex to create connection — and others need connection first. The four Desire Types and the strengths and challenges of each. Why your type might shift depending on stress, life stage, or relationship season. How to use this framework to open up better conversations with your partner. We’ll walk you through simple prompts to help you figure out your type, then break down what each combination looks like in real life. No stereotypes. No “one of you is broken” narratives. Just a clear, compassionate way to understand how you want sex — and why your partner might want it differently. If you’ve ever felt mismatched, confused, or frustrated around desire… this episode might be the clarity you’ve been missing. 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥Discover Your Desire Type Here Want to know your type for sure? Learn your Desire Type and get personalized insight into how you experience desire — plus what it means for your relationship. 👉 Take the quiz here: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun. The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9! 👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices