Pillow Talks

Episodi

• E263: How to Have More Fun in Your Relationship 04.06.2026 56min

  When was the last time you and your partner did something purely for fun? Not productive, not logistical, not about the kids, just fun. If you had to think about it for a beat, you're not alone. Most long-term couples slowly drift from enjoying each other to managing life together, and fun is usually the first thing to quietly disappear. In this episode, we're talking about why couples lose the fun, why it matters way more than most people realize, and 5 surprisingly simple ways to bring it back. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why fun is one of the most underrated forms of intimacy (and how it actually builds resilience, attraction, and friendship) The IG poll results that show just how universal this is. Only 21% of our community said they have a lot of fun in their relationship The most common things that get in the way of fun, from kids and money stress to "we honestly just forget" The reframe that helps you find more time for fun. If you've been feeling more like roommates than romantic partners lately, this episode is a gentle reminder that it’s possible to bring back the fun. 🕯️ Want more fun, connection, and intimacy in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 🔗 Links & Resources Sex Talks (our book) → https://sextalksbook.com The Ultimate Foreplay Guides → https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Ultimate Sex Positions → https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June21st. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E262: The Sex Personality Quiz Every Couple Needs (And What Your Type Says About You) 28.05.2026 1h 7min

  Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking totally different languages when it comes to sex? One of you wants spontaneity, the other needs to feel emotionally close first. One of you craves novelty, the other finds comfort in what already works. Here's the thing: it's probably not about compatibility. It's about your sex personality types. In this episode, we walk you through all five types, what drives each one, the superpowers they bring to a relationship, the shadows that can quietly cause friction, and how knowing your type (and your partner's) can completely change the way you understand each other. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why understanding your sex personality can shift everything about how you connect with your partner 🔥 The Firestarter — the spontaneity-fueled type who treats passion as proof of connection 💞 The Connector — for whom emotional intimacy is the door to physical intimacy 🌸 The Sensualist — present, embodied, sensory-driven 🪶 The Adventurer — curious, playful, novelty-seeking ⚓ The Anchor — steady, communicative, and grounding How to reframe your partner's "differences" as information, not rejection Why understanding your blend can take you out of the blame cycle and into actual change Whether you've been together six months or sixteen years, this episode gives you a whole new lens for understanding why you want what you want, and why your partner wants what they want. Less guessing. Less misreading. A lot more clarity. ✨ Want to know your sex personality type? Take our free quiz here → https://vmtherapy.com/sex-personality-type 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E261: ED, PE & Everything In Between: Your Performance Problems Solved (Part 2) 21.05.2026 58min

  The response to our first episode on penis performance problems was so big that we knew we had to come back for round two. In this episode, we're getting into the practical stuff: what to do in the moment when things aren't going as planned, how to keep your sex life feeling connected and fun even when performance issues are in the mix, and how both partners can show up for each other without making everything weird. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Whether you need to tell your wife you're taking ED meds How to get out of your head before sex when PE anxiety is already spiraling Practical tricks for lasting longer — specific, usable techniques that actually help How to bring spontaneity back when Viagra has a 30-minute waiting period — because yes, this is fixable How to bring up a performance issue with a partner who doesn't seem to notice it — the conversation you've been avoiding, made easier What to do when he loses his erection mid-sex When it's time to bring in a doctor — because sometimes the answer really is medical If you or your partner have ever felt alone in navigating this stuff, this episode is proof that you're not. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES We've put together a guide that goes even deeper into everything we talked about today. The Modern Man's Guide to Conquering Performance Pressure is a step-by-step resource built from Vanessa's years of sex therapy practice — real tools, real techniques, zero fluff. Strategies for erectile difficulties, early ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation Exercises you can use on your own and in the moment with a partner A whole chapter for partners — because this is a team sport Practical and shame-free from start to finish 👉🏻 Check out The Modern Man's Guide here: vmtherapy.com/modernman 💛 STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E260: How To Orgasm Like A Man: Breaking The Blocks That Keep Women Stuck 14.05.2026 1h 5min

  For a lot of women, orgasm feels like this mysterious thing that either happens or it doesn't. Nobody taught you how. And somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that your pleasure is complicated, too demanding, or just... less important. But here's what we want you to hear: that's NOT true. In this episode, we reframe the whole conversation, asking what it would look like if women approached their own pleasure with the same expectation men do. No apology, no overthinking, no putting everyone else first. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: The mental blocks that pull women out of the moment, from body distraction and to-do list thinking to feeling awkward or selfish for focusing on your own pleasure at all. The technique gaps no one ever filled in, including what to do if you've never had an orgasm, if you can only get there through oral, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner. The relational stuff that makes it even harder — worrying about how you smell or taste, not knowing how to redirect a partner without hurting his feelings, and the faking cycle that's been going on so long you don't even know how to stop. How to think like a man during sex and what it would actually mean for a woman to show up to her pleasure with that same sense of entitlement (in the best possible way). What the path forward actually looks like, whether you're starting from zero or expanding what's already working, both solo and with a partner. If you've ever felt like your orgasm is the last priority, this one is for you. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES Finishing School is Vanessa's step-by-step system for learning how to orgasm consistently, reliably, and in more ways than you might think possible. It's been completely rebuilt around the three blocks covered in this episode: Mindset, Technique, and Partnership. Work through the mental and emotional blocks keeping you stuck in your head Learn The Finishing Formula and the specific techniques most likely to get you there Built to meet you exactly where you are, with a 30-day money-back guarantee 👉🏻 Check out Finishing School here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm 💛 STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out) 07.05.2026 1h 3min

  This one's for the sleep-deprived, the time-starved, the diaper-changing, homework-helping parents who still want to feel like a couple. We see you. And we asked our community to help us show up for you in a big way. In this episode, we're reading real responses from real parents — practical, doable ideas and a little tough love for making intimacy a priority again, even with kids in the house. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we talk about parenting and intimacy even though we don't have kids ourselves The #1 thing our parent community says completely changed their sex life (hint: it involves your calendar) How to stop resentment before it builds The small acts of emotional intimacy that go a long way The little rituals making a real difference Timing hacks that real parents swear by The privacy solutions couples are using so they can actually relax Mindset shifts that unstick couples from dry spells and all-or-nothing thinking A powerful DM from a parent in our community that will challenge you, encourage you, and maybe make you tear up a little Your relationship isn't something you'll get back to someday. This episode is the reminder you needed to start now. ✨ Want a simple, fun way to keep the spark alive every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription packed with fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters — designed for real couples with real lives. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark Talking to your kids about sex and relationships doesn't have to be awkward — but it does have to happen. Beyond The Birds & The Bees is our guide to having honest, age-appropriate conversations with your kids about bodies, relationships, and healthy sexuality — so they hear it from you first. Practical scripts and conversation starters for every age Takes the guesswork (and the cringe) out of the talk Helps you raise kids with healthy attitudes about sex and relationships Because the best gift you can give your kids is parents who aren't afraid to go there 👉🏻 Check out Beyond The Birds & The Bees here: http://vmtherapy.com/kids 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire 30.04.2026 1h 4min

  Whether it's a glass of wine to take the edge off or a gummy to get out of your head, a lot of people use substances to feel more relaxed, more connected, or more in the mood. But there's a lot more happening under the surface than most people realize. In this episode, we're pulling back the sheets on how alcohol and marijuana actually affect desire, arousal, communication, and orgasm — including some real talk from our own experience and candid responses straight from our Pillow Talks community. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why we're upfront about our bias as sober people — and why some of our worst sex happened while intoxicated The real reasons people turn to substances for sex What our community shared about their own experiences — from laughing too hard to try anything, to not being able to orgasm at all The dangers that don't get talked about enough: impaired judgment, consent confusion, emotional flattening, and how substances can make it harder to get aroused, get wet, get hard, or finish The long-term patterns to watch for, including building a dependence on substances just to feel intimate Is sober sex awkward at first? What to do if your libido is low and you're wondering if weed might help How to tell your partner that sex while intoxicated makes you uncomfortable What to do if you're the one who's been relying on substances to get in the mood and you want to change that This one is honest, a little vulnerable, and genuinely useful, whether substances are a regular part of your sex life or you've never even thought about it. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship — every single month? The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship. Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase) Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore Only $9/month — less than a latte, way better for your relationship 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming 24.04.2026 1h 3min

  One of our favorite series is back. You sent us your wildest, messiest, most "wait… am I the problem here?" relationship stories. And we have opinions. We're talking about a wife who's been sharing intimate details about her husband with her entire family for years (but only good things, so it's fine… right?). A partner who was a little too honest about his wife's body (brutal). Neighbors banging on the ceiling mid-sex. And a whole lot more. Some of these had us genuinely torn. Others? Not so much. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Is it okay to talk about your sex life with friends and family… even if your partner doesn't know? When "just being honest" about attraction crosses a line The initiation that was so bad it killed the mood instantly What happens when your neighbor tries to police your sex life Our honest takes on every single one (and we don't always agree) Whether you're here to feel validated, get a reality check, or just enjoy some relationship drama that isn't yours… this one's a fun ride. 🔗 Links & Resources Catch up on past AITA episodes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode199 https://vmtherapy.com/episode187 https://vmtherapy.com/episode155 https://vmtherapy.com/episode135 https://vmtherapy.com/episode125 🔥 Want to give your partner the best foreplay they’ve ever had? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are our step-by-step guides to expertly pleasuring your partner, with detailed techniques, animated GIFs, and audio walkthroughs. • Over 100 unique techniques for fingering, oral, hand jobs, and blow jobs • Beautiful animated illustrations so you know exactly what to do • Written and audio versions of both guides • Inclusive language and visuals, because everyone deserves great pleasure Stop guessing and start giving your partner a “my soul just left my body” experience. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides? Stay connected 💛 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Let this Mother’s Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too — discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E256: Doggy Style: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure 16.04.2026 1h 1min

  Let's talk about doggy style. It's one of the most popular positions out there. It can feel intense, wild, and incredibly hot. But it also comes with a lot of questions. Is it supposed to slip out that much? Why does it feel too deep? What if you queef? What about the… view? Yeah. We're going there. In this episode, we're covering everything you need to know about doggy style. How to get into position, how to move, how to adjust the angle for more pleasure (or less pain), and how to actually feel confident doing it. Plus, we're answering your real questions from Instagram and sharing some of our favorite variations to try. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why doggy is one of the best positions for clitoral stimulation (and how to make the most of it) Simple angle and arm adjustments that completely change how it feels What to do when it feels too deep or uncomfortable How to handle the queefing, the slipping out, and the self-consciousness Why this position is actually great for feeling less shy about touching yourself Variations like standing doggy, lying doggy, and cowboy doggy that keep things fresh Answers to your most-asked (and most awkward) doggy style questions from Instagram Whether doggy is your go-to or you've been avoiding it, this episode will help you feel way more confident the next time you try it. 🔥 Want to explore more positions together? Ultimate Sex Positions is our illustrated guide to 42 sex positions with step-by-step instructions, movement guidance, and variations for real bodies. Discover positions that change the energy of sex, from slow and romantic to intense and wild Get clear instructions on how to get into position and how to actually move Includes adjustments for height differences, curves, bellies, pregnancy, and flexibility No acrobatics required. Just curiosity and a willing partner. Most couples rotate between 2 or 3 positions. This guide helps you break out of that loop and find new favorites. 👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay connected 💛 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E255: The Sexiest Thing You're Not Doing in Bed…Mutual Masturbation 09.04.2026 43min

  Only 36% of our audience says they've tried mutual masturbation. Which means most of you are missing out on one of the most erotic, intimate, and surprisingly easy things you can do with your partner. It sounds intimidating. Maybe even a little awkward. But here's the thing: it doesn't have to be. In this episode, we're breaking down what mutual masturbation actually is, why it's so hot, and exactly how to try it for the first time (even if the idea makes you nervous). 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why mutual masturbation is one of the best ways to learn what your partner actually likes How being "on display" for each other can be surprisingly sexy Simple, low-pressure ways to bring it up without making it weird What to do if you feel shy (hint: a single candle goes a long way) Creative ways to level it up once you're comfortable How mutual masturbation can help you overcome shame around self-pleasure Why this can be a game-changer for orgasming with your partner You don't have to be adventurous or fearless to try this. You just have to be a little curious. And this episode will give you everything you need to get started. 🔥 Want to take your foreplay skills to the next level? The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are Vanessa and Xander's step-by-step guides to expertly pleasuring your partner, with detailed techniques, animated GIFs, and audio walkthroughs. Over 100 unique techniques for fingering, oral, hand jobs, and blow jobs Beautiful animated illustrations so you know exactly what to do Written and audio versions of both guides Inclusive language and visuals, because everyone deserves great pleasure Whether you want to build confidence, learn something new, or just blow your partner's mind tonight, this is where to start. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Remi. Start a new year right and use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off your purchase of a new night guard. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Let this Mother’s Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too — discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 20% off. ➡︎ 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and sve up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E254: Couples Coaching: Why Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life 02.04.2026 53min

  We're back with another real-life couples coaching session. Have you ever gotten to a point where sex doesn't just feel uninteresting… it feels like something you actively resent? Where you love your partner but the thought of being touched makes you want to crawl out of your skin? That's what's going on here. And there is so much underneath it. We're talking about what happens when orgasm has always been a struggle, when postpartum and hormones change everything, when porn creates unrealistic expectations, and when "just doing it anyway" starts to backfire. Because this isn't really about libido. It's about feeling heard, feeling safe, and figuring out how to be on the same team again. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why "low libido" isn't the real issue here (even when it looks like it) What happens when sex has never been physically easy or enjoyable for her How postpartum, nursing, and hormones quietly reshape desire The pressure she feels to want sex "like the girls in porn" and how that kills connection Why doing it anyway when you don't want to builds resentment, not closeness What it looks like when both partners feel frustrated and neither feels understood How to start talking about sex without it turning into the same old fight If you've ever felt like you and your partner are speaking completely different languages when it comes to sex… this one's going to feel really familiar. You're not broken. You're not alone. And there is a way through this. 🔥 Ready to feel more confident in your pleasure? Finishing School™ is Vanessa’s step-by-step program for understanding your body — and learning how to experience real, reliable pleasure in a way that actually feels good to you. Follow a clear, proven framework for building arousal and orgasm Learn the most valuable techniques women actually use to get there Stop guessing and start understanding what works for your body Expand your pleasure so sex feels more varied, flexible, and fun This is about making pleasure something you can learn… and actually enjoy. 👉🏻 Check out Finishing School™ here: http://vmtherapy.com/orgasm 🔥 Ready to make this easier (and way more consistent)? If you want an easy way to keep conversations like this happening (without having to “figure out what to say” every time), check out The Spark. Fun, flirty, sex therapist-created relationship ideas you can try together every month. Think: connection boosts, date night inspo, a new sex position, and simple, low-pressure ways to keep intimacy on the radar. You can wait for connection to magically happen… or you can let us deliver it straight to your inbox each month. It could be the best $9 you ever spend. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex 26.03.2026 1h 7min

  We do weekly “ask us anything” boxes over on Instagram… and let’s just say… you all really show up with the questions 😏 Today, we’re bringing your q’s to the podcast and diving into them for real. We’re talking about everything from sex pillows to dry spells, morning sex mismatches, body confidence, toys, and what to do when your partner just isn’t that into the resources you know could be helpful. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The pros and cons of sex pillows (and whether they’re worth trying). How to think about a “dry spell” in a relationship (and what’s actually normal). How to navigate it when one of you loves morning sex… and the other one really doesn’t. Whether you actually need to feel horny to initiate (this one might surprise you). How to feel more comfortable in lingerie (even if it feels awkward at first). What to do when you’re tired from life, parenting, and work… and intimacy isn’t top of mind. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “huh… I wonder about that too,” — you’re going to feel very seen in this episode. Because these are the kinds of questions so many people have… they just don’t always say out loud. 🔥 Want sex that makes you go… “wait, why don’t we do this more often?” If you’re down to play, explore, and discover new ways to turn each other on, The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are where things get very fun. Clear, expert-backed step-by-step techniques for how to touch, tease, and build pleasure in ways that feel really, really good. Because it’s not just about “leading up to” something else… this is the good part. 👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 👉🏻Get the sex pillow: Head to vmtherapy.com/pillow to get 10% off our favorite sex pillow (code will be applied at checkout) Stay connected: Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander Want more tips like this delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for our weekly emails: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Don’t forget to subscribe to Pillow Talks so you never miss an episode! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead) 19.03.2026 52min

  Most parents dread “the talk.” How much are you supposed to say? When do you start? What if you say the wrong thing? If you’ve ever felt awkward, unprepared, or secretly hoped your kid would just… figure it out somewhere else — you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: talking to your kids about sex doesn’t make them reckless. Research shows it does the opposite. It reduces risky behavior, increases safety, lowers shame, and strengthens your relationship. And it’s never too late to start. In this episode, we break down how to move beyond one big, terrifying “talk” and instead create short, ongoing conversations that actually work. No lectures. No shame. Just practical, real-world guidance from a licensed sex therapist who’s been helping families navigate this for over 20 years. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “The Talk” is a myth (and what to do instead). The research-backed benefits of talking to kids about sex. How to get clear on your why before you start. How to define your family’s guiding principles around sex. The 5 core conversations every parent should have (and how they evolve by age). Conversation starters and scripts you can actually use. What to say when your kid asks a question that completely catches you off guard. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to start. And that willingness? That’s what makes the difference 🔥 Want Step-By-Step Support? If you’re ready to become the parent your kid can talk to about anything — and you want all the guesswork taken out of it — Beyond The Birds & The Bees: Raising Smart, Safe, Shame-Free Kids gives you scripts, age-by-age guidance, and clear direction on how to raise safe, smart, shame-free kids. It’s not just about having better conversations. It’s about breaking cycles. 👉 Learn more here: vmtherapy.com/kids Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want 12.03.2026 1h 5min

  We’re talking about something that explains so much of the tension couples feel around sex and desire. And no — it’s not about having a “high” or “low” libido. Desire isn’t as simple as being “in the mood” or not. It’s shaped by how desire shows up for you — in your brain or your body — and when you want intimacy — before or after emotional connection. When you combine those two dynamics, you get four distinct Desire Types. This is a framework we created to help couples finally understand why they might feel like they’re not on the same page when it comes to intimacy. Understanding yours (and your partner’s) desire type can completely change the way you approach sex, connection, and feeling wanted — without blame, shame, or pressure. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between spontaneous (brain-first) and responsive (body-first) desire. Why some people want sex to create connection — and others need connection first. The four Desire Types and the strengths and challenges of each. Why your type might shift depending on stress, life stage, or relationship season. How to use this framework to open up better conversations with your partner. We’ll walk you through simple prompts to help you figure out your type, then break down what each combination looks like in real life. No stereotypes. No “one of you is broken” narratives. Just a clear, compassionate way to understand how you want sex — and why your partner might want it differently. If you’ve ever felt mismatched, confused, or frustrated around desire… this episode might be the clarity you’ve been missing. 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥Discover Your Desire Type Here Want to know your type for sure? Learn your Desire Type and get personalized insight into how you experience desire — plus what it means for your relationship. 👉 Take the quiz here: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun. The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9! 👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E250: What Do Men Really Think About…? Part 4 (Heated Rivalry, mental load + areolas) 05.03.2026 1h 3min

  Ever wish you could get a straight answer about what’s actually going on in his head? 🧠 We’re back with Part 4 of our “What Do Men Really Think About…?” series — and this time we’re diving into everything from Heated Rivalry and seeing gay sex on screen… to mental load, breadwinning, and why it takes them so long to poop. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: How men feel about watching gay sex on screen (including the Heated Rivalry phenomenon). Whether they actually believe mental load is real. What they think about baggy sweats and messy hair at home. How they feel when their partner earns more money than they do. The truth about submissiveness — and whether they want women to take more control. If they care about going down on you if you haven’t showered. And what they really notice about areolas. Xander’s not holding back… and some answers may surprise you! 🔗 Links & Resources: 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode56 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode69 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW to get up to 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E249: Help! I can’t orgasm with my partner. What do I do? 26.02.2026 48min

  Not orgasming with your partner is way more common than most people realize. And for a lot of women, it turns into one of three coping strategies. Faking. Doing nothing. Or convincing yourself it’s “not a big deal.” In today’s episode, we’re talking about why so many women struggle to orgasm in partnered sex — even in loving, committed relationships — and how those patterns quietly shape your confidence, desire, and connection over time. Vanessa shares her own journey with orgasm, including the truth that even as a sex therapist, she didn’t always have this “figured out.” She opens up about faking in past relationships, feeling stuck, and realizing she needed real tools — not just reassurance — to experience pleasure consistently. If you’ve ever wondered: “Is this just how sex is for me?” “Am I asking for too much?” “Why does this feel so complicated?” This episode is for you. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The three most common ways women cope with not orgasming. Why faking feels easier at first — and harder over time. The real data behind the orgasm gap. What thousands of women said is holding them back from pleasure. How pressure, performance, and people-pleasing kill desire. Why “it’s fine” often leads to resentment. What to say if you’ve been faking and want a reset. How to start advocating for your pleasure without blowing things up. Why you deserve the same experience your partner is having. If you’ve ever felt confused, discouraged, or quietly frustrated about orgasm, please know this: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. This is something you can learn. And you deserve support while you do. 💗 Featured Resource: Finishing School Finishing School is Vanessa’s most technique-focused program, designed to teach you step-by-step how to have an orgasm alone and with a partner. Inside, you’ll learn: How your body actually works. What techniques create reliable pleasure. How to communicate what you need. How to stop guessing and start feeling confident. How to experience orgasms without pressure or performance. This is everything Vanessa wishes she’d had when she was struggling. 👉 Start here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E248: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner (Without Making It Weird) 19.02.2026 55min

  Life has been a lot lately. So today, we’re digging into the archives and bringing back one of the most important episodes we’ve ever recorded: how to talk about sex. Because communication is the thing that keeps connection alive. And these conversations don’t have to feel awkward, heavy, or like you’re about to start a fight. When you know how to do it right, talking about sex can actually be fun, flirty, and bonding. In this episode, we’re breaking down the #1 mistake couples make when they finally try to talk about sex (hint: they wait until something feels bad), and we’ll give you our favorite low-pressure ways to start opening up… even if your partner is resistant, nervous, or shuts down the second you bring it up. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why most couples wait too long to talk about sex (and how that backfires fast). The “secret sauce” to making sexual communication feel safer and easier. How to stop turning sex talks into high-stakes problem-solving sessions. The sneaky, low-pressure ways to start the conversation (even if your partner’s resistant). Simple scripts to compliment, reminisce, and flirt your way into better connection. The post-game recap (and why it works best when you keep it light). Why talking about sex helps reduce shame, anxiety, and performance pressure. If talking about sex feels intimidating in your relationship, this episode is for you. Sometimes all it takes is one small, low-pressure conversation to start changing the whole vibe between you two. 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥 Ready to make this easier (and way more consistent)? If you want an easy way to keep conversations like this happening (without having to “figure out what to say” every time), check out The Spark. Fun, flirty, sex therapist-created relationship ideas you can try together every month. Think: connection boosts, date night inspo, a new sex position, and simple, low-pressure ways to keep intimacy on the radar. You can wait for connection to magically happen… or you can let us deliver it straight to your inbox each month. It could be the best $9 you ever spend. 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark 📘 Mentioned in this episode: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Our New York Times bestselling book breaks down the five conversations that make talking about sex feel easier, more connecting, and way less intimidating. It’s grounded in real-life stories from their own relationship and gives couples a clear path to communicating about sex without pressure or panic. https://sextalksbook.com/ Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https:www.curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E247: Our Recent Foreplay Discoveries (and how to explore more) 12.02.2026 52min

  We’ve been experimenting more in our own bedroom lately, and in today’s episode, we’re pulling back the covers on what we’ve discovered. The things that surprised us. The moments that felt a little vulnerable. And the small shifts that brought a big boost of curiosity and connection. Exploration doesn’t have to mean doing anything extreme or intimidating. If you love the idea of trying something new but feel stuck on how to actually bring this into your real-life sex life, don’t worry. We’re breaking down exactly how to make exploration feel intentional, low-pressure, and actually fun. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: What “exploration” really means (and what it doesn’t). Why new doesn’t have to mean wild — it can mean slower, softer, or more intentional. How to talk about trying new things outside the bedroom first. Why removing pressure makes experimentation way more enjoyable. How to create playful structure with curiosity nights and King/Queen roles. How laughing things off builds safety and trust. Why exploration is an ongoing mindset, not a one-time fix. Our recent bedroom discoveries — including pillows, fingers, and subtle shifts in sensation. If you’re in a season where sex feels predictable, disconnected, or a little stale, this episode is a reminder that you don’t need a total overhaul. Sometimes curiosity is enough to open the door again. 🔗 Links & Resources 💖 Valentine’s Day Sale: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides If you want a really good way to bring more exploration, confidence, and fun into your bedroom, this week is the perfect time. Right now, The Ultimate Foreplay Guides — our #1 best seller — are on sale for $40 (normally $69) to celebrate Valentine’s Day and Vanessa’s birthday. 🎉 Inside, you’ll find: Over 100 foreplay techniques you can explore together. Clear, step-by-step instructions (no guessing). Audio versions you can listen to together. Tasteful visuals that make things feel approachable, not awkward. It’s the kind of gift that says, “I want you… and I want us to have more fun together.” 👉 Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: vmtherapy.com/foreplay (on sale now through Feb 16, 2026) Our Fave Sex Pillow : The Prim @ TabuStay connected Use our code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% Off 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/pillow Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like It’s Burning 05.02.2026 1h 2min

  Lately, we’ve been hearing from so many of you in our DMs. People are telling us they feel guilty wanting pleasure. Ashamed for craving closeness. Disconnected from their bodies and their partners because the world feels overwhelming, violent, and unstable. Others have told us they know their relationship matters, but caring about their sex life feels hard when so much is happening globally. Many of you feel less present, less motivated, and more anxious, and it’s showing up directly in your connection. In today’s episode, we’re talking about what to do when the weight of the world makes intimacy feel impossible. This conversation is not about ignoring reality. It’s about learning how to stay grounded, emotionally available, and connected so you can actually show up for your life, your values, and your relationship. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: How constant exposure to distressing news and social media keeps your nervous system stuck in survival mode. Why stress and anxiety don’t just affect your mood, but directly impact desire, arousal, and presence. The moral pressure many people feel to put their relationship on pause during hard times. Holding awareness of the world while still caring for your relationship. How physical connection helps regulate your nervous system and bring you back into your body. Simple ways to shift from overwhelm to meaningful, local connection and action. Practical rituals for staying connected when everything feels heavy. Why staying close to your partner can actually make you more effective and resilient. If you’ve been wondering how to care about your relationship when things feel dark or hopeless, this episode is for you. 🔗 Links & Resources ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun. The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9! 👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s Testosterone Journey 29.01.2026 1h 2min

  Testosterone is one of those topics that feels loaded. It’s tangled up in masculinity, aging, sex drive, energy, mood… and a whole lot of misinformation. Because of that, many men quietly wonder if something is off — but feel embarrassed, unsure, or afraid to even ask the question. So today, we’re having a very real conversation. In this episode, Xander is sharing his personal testosterone journey — what made him start asking questions, the concerns he had before doing anything, what the actual process looked like, and how it’s impacted everything from his energy and mood to sex and our relationship. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: The early symptoms that made Xander realize something wasn’t right. Why sobriety played a surprising role in recognizing his baseline energy. What functional medicine actually is (and how it differs from traditional care). Why many men never get tested for testosterone through primary care. The problem with “normal” testosterone ranges in the U.S. What lifestyle changes he tried first — and why they weren’t enough. The different treatment options (creams, Clomid, injections) and how each felt. What it’s really like to inject testosterone. How his testosterone levels changed over time. What it actually costs — and whether insurance covers it. Honest answers to the most common fears and side effects. We get into the stuff men are usually too embarrassed to ask out loud. This isn’t medical advice. It is one person’s honest experience navigating low testosterone, functional medicine, and treatment options — the good, the uncomfortable, and the unexpected. 🔗 Links & Resources ✨ Your relationship called. It wants a little more… fun. The Spark is our monthly cheat code for connection + intimacy. Connection questions, date nights, and a new position to try — delivered fresh every month for just $9! 👉🏻 Get your Spark back here: http://vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount of the Tabu Sex Pillow ➡︎https://vmtherapy.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
• E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take) 22.01.2026 49min

  If the thought of scheduling sex makes you cringe a little… we get that a lot. You might be thinking.. “Ugh. That’s so unromantic.” or… “NOT hot.” or… “If we have to schedule it, something must be wrong with our relationship.” We’re here to today to give you our hot take on our favorite controversial relationship topic. And yes… we’re going to try to change your mind. In this episode, we’re breaking down the biggest myths about scheduling sex, what scheduled intimacy really means (and doesn’t mean), and the practical ways to make it feel exciting instead of like something else on your to-do list. 💛 In this episode, you’ll hear: Why “spontaneous sex” is one of the biggest myths we buy into. How scheduling sex can actually reduce stress, pressure, and anxiety. What scheduling can do for couples with mismatched desire (especially responsive desire). Why having sex earlier in the evening can completely change your sex life. How to build anticipation without feeling awkward or forced. The “bare minimum” approach that makes sex dates feel doable (even on low-energy days). Why taking turns leading sex dates helps both partners feel cared for. The simple mindset shift that turns scheduling sex into something you look forward to. Spoiler: scheduling sex doesn’t replace spontaneity. For many couples, it actually creates more of it. 🔗 Links & Resources ✨ The Spark… because a little spark goes a long way We just launched a $9/month digital drop for couples who want to stay connected, curious, and very into each other — without overthinking it. Sweet dates. Spicy dates. Conversation starters. One new position each month. It’s kind of a no-brainer. 👉 Check out The Spark right here : vmtherapy.com/spark Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Use code PILLOWTALKS at checkout to get 10% discount. ➡︎https://vmtherapy.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices