Recovering Out Loud

Afleveringen

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  Staying Sober While Travelling, the Strivers' Curse & "We Could Have Missed It All" 13.08.2026 49min

  CHEF DEV IS BACK...A counsellor once asked Devan: what's wrong with the way you feel? This is that conversation. Chef Devan Rajkumar Today, he travels and cooks across different cities, constantly learning, evolving, and refining his approach. Every kitchen, every culture, and every experience adds to how he creates. He stays curious, asks questions, and continues to grow because great food comes from understanding, not ego.He was filling out intake forms in treatment, and where they asked why he got high, he wrote the honest answer — I love the feeling of it. The counsellor read it back and asked him one question that took years to really land: what's wrong with the way you feel? That question sits underneath everything we get into here.We start somewhere lighter — cutting the "jacked guys" out of an Instagram feed — and end up on steroids, peptides and Ozempic as drugs, and the question neither of us fully answered: are you still sober if you're on gear? From there it goes where the real ones go. Body shaming and the comments that stick — the uncle who says "you got fat" before he says hello. The guilt and shame under the attention. And the root of it: what are you actually escaping from?Devan opens up about the mask, the people-pleasing, and putting the oxygen mask on everyone but himself. We talk about how you help someone who won't help themselves, the bridge you can't see until you've crossed it, and why early recovery feels impossible from the inside. Then the stuff that keeps us here: quitting cigarettes and finally deciding if I put it in my body, it has to be good for me. The double life and the secrets that fuel relapse — because in my experience it was never the substance, it was the behaviours around it. The strivers' curse — trading the addiction for a stacked calendar and an overtrained body. Spirituality as humility and gratitude. Seva — selfless service with nobody watching. And a moment I didn't expect, where Devan gets honest about where his own program is thin right now, and decides to do something about it.Nobody in this one has it all figured out. That's the point. If you've ever sat in a room thinking you're the worst one doing this, this episode is for you.This is a peer conversation — lived experience, not clinical or professional advice.👋 If this hit homeFollow Recovering Out Loud so the next one finds you, and leave a rating if the show's ever helped — it's the single biggest thing that helps another struggling person find us. 
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  How to Tell People You Don't Drink (Without Making It Weird) : The 5 Reactions & How to Handle Them 11.08.2026 20min

  What happens when you tell people you're sober — and how to handle every reaction.Getting sober is one job. Telling people you're sober is a completely separate one — and it never really ends. New party, new drink in someone's outstretched hand, and there you are deciding again how to say it. In this solo episode, Anthony walks through the reactions you'll actually get when you tell people you don't drink, what each one really means (spoiler: it's usually about them, not you), and how much you actually owe anyone.This is one person's lived experience, not a rulebook. Everybody's disclosure looks different — take what helps and leave the rest.Inside this episode:The five reactions — the Defensive Drinker, the "Good For You," the Pusher, the Pity, and the Fighter — and what's driving eachWhy disclosure and anonymity are two different things (you can be open about being sober without ever naming a program)The full menu of what to say, from "I don't drink" as a complete sentence to the lines that shut down a pusherHandling it in the wild: dating, work, family, and the old friend groups who only ever knew you with a drink in your handThe reframe that takes their reaction off your shoulders — and the upside almost nobody mentionsIf you're finding your footing in sobriety, being open about it out loud turns a private struggle into something with a door in it. That's the whole point of the show.Follow Recovering Out Loud so the next episode finds you, and if it helped, leave a rating — it's the single biggest thing that helps someone else find the show.💬 Comment: what reaction caught you off guard, and what do you say when someone asks why you're not drinking?Recovering Out Loud — Real stories.
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  The Four Agreements & Recovery: Words, Resentment, Doing Your Best 06.08.2026 18min

  The Four Agreements, read through a recovery lens — words, resentment, assumptions, and doing your best.A quiet 1997 book that keeps showing up in the rooms, even though it wasn't written for them. I gothrough all four agreements and how each maps onto staying sober — the self-talk that runs onautopilot, the gossip that turns fellowship into a rumor mill, the resentments we build out ofthings that were never about us, and the perfectionism that punishes an imperfect day into arelapse. Peer perspective and lived experience only — not professional advice.Pick one agreement. Live with it for seven days. Notice what shifts.In paid partnership with New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca). DM HOME for info.Follow Recovering Out Loud on Spotify and tap the bell. If no one told you today — I love you.
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  Ego Is the Enemy | How Self-Centeredness Drives Relapse — and What Beats It 04.08.2026 16min

  The thing that almost killed me and the thing keeping me sober are the same voice: ego.In this solo episode I break down ego the way it actually shows up in recovery — not the loudmouth cliché, but the quiet self-centeredness underneath it. Ego has two faces that trade shifts: the top of the seesaw ("I've got this, the rules don't apply to me") and the bottom ("I'm the worst, nobody's been through what I've been through"). Grandiosity and self-pity are the same lie wearing different clothes — the lie that I'm the center of the story.I get into how ego keeps us sick: it's the bouncer at the door of help. Terminal uniqueness ("my situation is different, so I don't have to do the work"). Being right over being well. Comparison — measuring my insides against everyone else's outsides, the thief of joy. And the complacency trap, where the longer you're sober the quieter ego gets, until it whispers one won't hurt. I share the Jamaica story — two years sober, funnels on the beach, and the pause that let me play the tape all the way through.Then resentment and relapse: how ego keeps a ledger, charges interest, and builds the on-ramp back one justification at a time. (Yes, there's an elevator story.)The back half is the antidote — humility. Not humiliation, not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Right-sizing. Asking for help before I'm on fire. Staying teachable. Service that inconveniences me. Getting honest with someone, because secrets keep you sick. The goal was never to kill the ego — recovery is an ego-deflating process. Start from zero every day, catch the voice a little quicker, and stop letting it drive the bus.If no one's told you yet today: I love you. And remember — recovery is simple, not easy.Book mentioned: Emotional Sobriety: The Next FrontierNew Beginnings Recovery Home — this episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home, a disclosed partner of the show. If you or someone you love needs a next step, DM the word HOME and we'll point you in the right direction. newbeginningsrecovery.ca
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  The Recovery Skills That Quietly Fixed the Rest of My Life 01.08.2026 16min

  The thing that kept me sober turned out to be the thing that made me better at being a person.Recovery isn't just about not using — it's a full retraining in how to be a human being. Most of us don't notice how many of those skills transfer until we're using them on a Tuesday at work. Today I walk through the six that followed me out the door of rehab and straight into a better life — not just financially, but in my relationships and how I show up.The 6 skills:The pause — the gap between an urge and your action, and how it grows the longer you stay soberHALT — hungry, angry, lonely, tired: scan your own state before you decide the problem is your marriageOne day at a time — shrinking the unit of time you're responsible for so the impossible becomes doableRigorous honesty — you can't stay sober on a foundation of secrets, and the honest version of you is more trustworthy than the polished oneAmends over apology — sorry is a sentence; an amends is a pattern changeAsking for help — the "I should handle this myself" voice is the same one that almost killed meThese aren't recovery hacks. They're life skills most people never get formally taught — school skips emotional regulation. Getting sober forced me to learn them under pressure. What a gift.Peer perspective only — this isn't medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling or in crisis, please reach out to someone you trust or a local support line.Which skill are you going to use this week? Tell me in the comments.This episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca). If you or someone you love needs a supportive place to land go to their website
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  The Consequences of My Addiction — 10 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way 30.07.2026 19min

  Money, cars, a house — all recoverable. Your health and your life aren't. That's one of ten lessons I pulled from the consequences of my addiction.Before I get into them: if you hear one of these and think "mine wasn't that bad" or "mine was worse" — stop comparing. Look for the similarities, not the differences. Our circumstances differ, but I know addiction, so I know what you're going through.After 11 years in and around recovery — a relapse at seven and a half years, and a year and a half back now — here's what the wreckage taught me:It always gets worse when I pick up. I'm the cautionary tale.Debt — and finding out shopping was a cross-addiction I still have to watchThe accidents: "I haven't done it yet" beats "I'd never do that"A health scare that showed me exactly where I was headedBeing homeless isn't fun — and how a lower bottom finally got me readyLosing jobs, and pointing the finger inwardJekyll and Hyde: I become a different person when I useHonesty is the best policy — especially when it costs meMaterial things come back. Health and life often don't.Accountability, forgiveness, and the family that isn't owed to mePeer perspective only — this isn't medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling or in crisis, please reach out to someone you trust or a local support line.Which lesson hit hardest? Tell me in the comments.This episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca) — the same place I go to share my story with clients. If you or someone you love needs a supportive place to land, DM the word HOME and our automation will point you in the right direction. (Disclosed partnership.)Recovering Out Loud — Real stories.
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  7 Unpopular Recovery Opinions I'll Probably Get Hate For 28.07.2026 13min

  Sober and bitter isn't recovery — it's the same disease in a suit. That's opinion #1, and there are six more.After 11 years in and around recovery — including a relapse at seven and a half years and a year and a half back — these are the takes I've landed on that don't always match the popular line. I'm not preaching them as fact. I'm open to being wrong, and I want to hear where you disagree.Peer perspective only — this isn't medical or clinical advice. If you're struggling or in crisis, reach out to someone you trust or a local support service.Which one poked a bruise? Tell me in the comments — agree, disagree, or the ones I missed.This episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca). If you or someone you love needs a supportive place to land, DM the word HOME and our automation will point you in the right direction. Recovering Out Loud — Real stories.
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  Your Feelings Are Real — But They're Not Reality | Emotional Sobriety 23.07.2026 22min

  Your feelings are real — but they're not reality. That's the line that reframed how I do recovery, and it's the heart of today's Borrowed Wisdom.I'm reading the highlight quotes from one of my favourite speaker tapes — Don M. on emotional sobriety — and adding my own lived-experience take. This one's about the crux of staying sober long-term: your feelings are valid, but they don't get to run the show.We get into:Creating space between a feeling and an action — including a near-miss with a Tesla in a downtown Toronto bike lane, and the one thing recovery gave me: the pauseThe "illness of superlatives" and all-or-nothing thinkingReframing addiction from the worst thing that ever happened to me into the greatest giftWhy "first thought wrong" keeps showing up disguised as common senseNot buying into resentment, and letting go of outcomes — trusting the author when I can't see the planRecovery as a doing program, not a thinking oneRock bottom as a decision I've got a world of control overThe one contrary action that separates the person who stays sober from the one who can'tIf you're struggling today, I hope one line in here lands for you. You're not as stuck as your brain is telling you.Peer perspective only — this isn't medical or clinical advice. If you're in crisis or need real help, reach out to someone you trust or a local support service.New here? Start with the pinned "Best place to start" episode on the show page.This episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca). If you or someone you love needs a supportive place to land, DM the word HOME and our automation will point you in the right direction. (Disclosed partnership.)Recovering Out Loud — Real stories.
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  When Someone in Your Circle Relapses: Fear, Grief, and How to Actually Help 21.07.2026 16min

  What do you do when someone close to you goes back out? In this solo episode I talk through what it's actually like when someone in your circle relapses — the fear, the grief, the guilt, and the relief nobody admits out loud. I've been on both sides of it: I've watched people I love relapse, and I've been the one people were trying to reach when I went back out after seven and a half years. This is lived experience, peer to peer — what helped me, what didn't, and how to support someone without setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.If no one has told you yet today: I love you, and recovery is simple, not easy.⚠️ Need help right now? This episode is in partnership with New Beginnings Recovery Home — an inpatient treatment centre near the Scarborough Bluffs. If you or someone you love is ready to reach out: ➡️ https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca/contact-us.html 📞 1-888-639-6308
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  He Flipped His Car 10 Feet From a Family's Bedroom | Getting Sober After a DUI 16.07.2026 1u 2min

  Joe got laid off in July, ended up in a trap house by the weekend, and figured he had the summer off. By September he had a DUI, a car that had flipped twice and landed ten feet from a family's bedroom window, a second crash, and a Facebook post about him shared twelve hundred times that he found out about from a friend on the couch beside him.He was three weeks into rehab before he thought he was an addict. In this one he tells me what actually turned it: not a counselor, not a speech — a guest speaker with the same name and the same story, which killed the idea that he was special. Then a 45-page disclosure, two hours of hard truth, twenty character reference letters, and a judge who said he didn't have enough ties to the community to stay out of jail.We get into emotional illiteracy and the feelings wheel he couldn't make sense of. The fear inventory where he wrote down "horses." Working in this field without going numb. Why he thinks a certain kind of gossip is actually accountability. Why stagnation scares him more than craving. And the best advice he's ever gotten — stay open to information from anywhere, because you have no idea who's carrying it.Joe does a lot of quiet work in this community. This one's honest all the way through.If you're struggling: reach out to someone. That's the whole ask.Recovering Out Loud is a peer-led recovery podcast. I'm someone in recovery talking to other people in recovery. Nothing here is treatment advice.New episodes twice a week. Follow the show on Spotify and leave a rating — it's the fastest way to help someone find it. Instagram: @recoveringoutloudpod
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  10 Warning Signs of Relapse (Before It's Too Late) | My Relapse Started Months Before I Picked Up 14.07.2026 22min

  I didn't wake up one day and decide to use after seven and a half years. The relapse started weeks — months — before the first drink or drug. I just called it a rough patch and looked away.This one lives in the space before relapse: the quiet drift most of us miss until it's too late. I walk through 10 warning signs I wish I'd caught in myself, from pulling away from support to romanticizing the past to the slow fading of purpose. Not a checklist to scare you — a mirror.I'm not here as an expert. I'm here as someone who relapsed, came back, and is grateful to be sober today. If one of these signs is flashing for you right now, you're not failing recovery. You caught it. That's a deposit.If this helped, follow the show wherever you're listening and leave a rating — it's how the next person finds it.Need help right now? This episode is brought to you in partnership with New Beginnings Recovery Home, an inpatient treatment centre near the Scarborough Bluffs. If you or someone you love is ready to reach out: https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca — or call 1-888-639-6308.
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  Sober But Still Miserable? The Dry Drunk | Borrowed Wisdom Pt. 3 Bob D 09.07.2026 19min

  Another Borrowed Wisdom episode — I read the highlight clips from a Bob talk that shifted something in me, and reflect on them one at a time.This one lands hard on the stuff nobody tells you when you first put the drink down: that the real problem starts where the bottle ends. Bob talks about being restless, irritable and discontent as a little kid, long before he ever picked up. The "disease of more" that no amount of drinking, drugs, or even getting jacked at the gym could ever fill. And the scariest place I've ever been in my own recovery — the dry drunk. Sober, but not living.We get into geographic escapes that don't work, the redwoods that topple when they grow alone, and why community is the thing that replaced the drink for me. It closes where it always seems to: everything you want is on the other side of the action you're avoiding.Chapters below. This is lived experience and peer perspective — one addict sharing what's kept me sober one more day.If this helped, follow Recovering Out Loud on whatever platform you're on and leave a rating — it's the thing that helps the next person find it. Recovery is simple. Not easy.Need help? Visit https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca/
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  Gratitude in Recovery: How to Actually Practice It Without Lying to Yourself 07.07.2026 28min

  Everyone in recovery preaches gratitude. Almost nobody tells you it can feel completely fake when you're hurting.In this solo episode I get into what gratitude actually is in recovery — the difference between the performative "#blessed" version and the real thing — why it's so hard early on and after a relapse, and how I practice it without lying to myself. I talk about grateful for the rock bottoms, the boring wins of sobriety, gratitude as an action instead of a feeling, and the traps to avoid (bypassing, comparison, forcing it).This isn't "be positive and your problems disappear." It's a real look at gratitude as a tool — what it does, why it's hard, and how to actually use it.What helped me might help you. Recovery is simple, not easy.🎧 Follow Recovering Out Loud so you don't miss an episode. 📩 DM me on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod — I answer every message.
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  Sober But Still Trapped in Self-Will : The Self-Centeredness That Outlasts the Alcohol 02.07.2026 26min

  Getting sober doesn't automatically make you a good person. Remove the alcohol or the drugs and you're left with the same wiring — the self-centeredness, the main-character syndrome, the 100 forms of self-centered fear that ran the show all along. The problem starts where the bottle ends.In this solo episode, Anthony talks honestly about the selfishness that outlasts the substance: the sneaky forms it takes in sobriety (recovery self-absorption, keeping score in relationships, using sobriety as a moral trump card, hiding behind "I'm working on myself"), why self-obsession is a real relapse risk, and the oldest fix there is — getting out of self through service.This is self-honesty, not self-hatred. Noticing your own selfishness is the growth, not proof that you're a bad person.Shared from lived experience, one addict to another. If this lands with you, the greatest payment I can receive is a follow — it helps the next person struggling find the show.
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  Relapsing After 11 Months, Sober Motherhood & 14 Years in Recovery — Co-Founder of Generation Women 30.06.2026 1u 3min

  She had 11 months sober — then relapsed over an argument she'd only ever had in her own head.Jen returns to the show to walk through what came next: eight months of counting drinks, sneaking drinks, and trying to "manage it" — a stretch she says felt crazier than when she was strung out. From there it's the recovery that finally stuck: getting sober for good, becoming a sober mom (which she says was harder than getting sober the first time), and finding the four things she believes every recovery path has in common.This is two people in recovery talking honestly — lived experience, peer to peer, no experts and no scripts. We get into alcohol and drug recovery, what actually drives a relapse, emotional sobriety, spirituality without the "Sky Daddy," and why “ 12 step recovery helped me — and it's not the only way."▶️ New here? This one's a good place to start if you've ever wondered whether you could just cut back instead of quit.If it lands, follow the show and send it to one person who needs it today.⏱️ Chapters below.Generation Women Canada: https://www.generationwomen.ca/
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  The Masks We Wear in Recovery | Borrowed Wisdom Pt. 2 : Earl H, The Path to Freedom 25.06.2026 34min

  This is Part 2 of Borrowed Wisdom: Earl, "The Path to Freedom." Earl is one of my all-time favourites in recovery. I pulled the quotes that hit hardest and reflected on each one from my own experience — a guy who relapsed after 7.5 years sober and had to find his way back.What we get into:- The mask we wear — in addiction, in sobriety, and how the tough guy performance set up my relapse- Fear as the real engine behind addiction (we're not bad people — we're frightened ones)- Self-worth that doesn't depend on other people's reception- Kindness vs. people-pleasing — a real difference most people miss- Forgiveness as a selfish act, done for yourself- 5–10 minutes of meditation and what it actually does to your impulse control- Service as the greatest high in recovery- The dying man story — and the gratitude reset it delivers every timeWant the full Earl tape? DM me on Instagram: @RecoveringOutLoudPodRecovery is simple, not easy. I love you.
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  Loving an Alcoholic: Both Sides of the Same Story From Addiction to Recovery 23.06.2026 50min

  Some recovery stories are told from one side. This one isn't.Chloe lived the alcoholism. Andrew loved her through it — and watched both the addiction and the recovery up close. In this episode they sit down together and rebuild the same years from two different chairs: how they fell for each other fast, how the drinking took over, the hospital trips, the relapses, and the night it finally turned.Along the way they get into the stuff nobody warns you about — the "morning me vs. nighttime me" split that runs through active addiction, what it actually does to the person who loves you, why staying can sometimes prevent the rock bottom someone needs to hit, and the hardest truth either of them learned: when you step away from this disease for three months or thirty years, you come back exactly where you left off.If you love someone in active addiction, or you've been the one being loved while you were using, this is your conversation.Chapters 0:00 – "I already know how I'd relapse" 1:37 – Love at first sight 13:43 – Withdrawal & the first 911 call 22:09 – Morning Chloe vs. Nighttime Chloe 33:20 – Walking on eggshells: loving an addict 40:56 – The last day & a psychotic break 44:52 – "Losing things is what gets people better" 47:34 – Where they are today🎧 Best place to start if you're new here. It's the full arc — using, loving, losing, and coming back — in one sitting.▶️ Host recommendation: if this one lands, go to the solo episodes on euphoric recall and the emotional sobriety plateau next.If you're carrying this for someone you love, or for yourself: you're not the only one. Follow the show so the next episode finds you, and if it helped, leave a rating — it's the single biggest thing that gets these stories to the next person who needs them.Recovering Out Loud is peer-led and built on lived experience, not clinical advice.
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  Why Sobriety Stopped Feeling Like a Win: The Emotional Sobriety Plateau Nobody Warns You About 18.06.2026 19min

  Nobody warns you that sobriety can stop feeling like a win.They warn you about the cravings, the first 30 days, the holidays. Nobody tells you about the Tuesday — a couple of years in — when the chips slow down, the applause stops, and being sober just becomes your life. And somewhere in that quiet, the old voice gets an opening.I know it because I lived it. I relapsed after seven and a half years sober — not on a bad day, but in the flat part, the stretch where recovery stopped feeling like an achievement and started feeling like nothing at all.This is a raw, lived-experience episode about the emotional sobriety plateau: why the "win" feeling was always going to fade (hello, hedonic adaptation), how "flat" gets mistranslated into "something's wrong," the difference between being dry and being emotionally sober, and what actually helped me build a life I don't want to escape from.If you've ever thought is this it? — this one's for you.🎙 Recovering Out Loud — peer-led recovery media built on lived experience. Real stories. 📲 recoveringoutloud.ca · @recoveringoutloudpod Follow / subscribe so the next one finds you.This podcast shares one person's lived experience and is not medical or clinical advice.
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  The One Cause of Every Resentment, Every Lie, and Every Defect | Borrowed Wisdom #1 Bob D 16.06.2026 27min

  This is the first in a new series — Borrowed Wisdom — where I share the greatest recovery speaker tapes that saved my life. Every resentment I've ever had came from fear, and a speaker named Bob D broke that wide open for me.In this solo episode I pull the highlights from a speaker tape that's saved my ass more times than I can count, and I reflect on what each line means in my own recovery. We get into why we lie out of fear instead of malice, why the voice in your head projects the worst-case every time (and is almost always wrong), the difference between faith and trust — the wheelbarrow on the tightrope — and why every character defect comes with a "cookie" attached. We close on the paradox that the longer I stay sober, the more help I actually need.If you've ever stayed stuck in a resentment, talked yourself out of something before you even tried, or wondered why "letting go" feels impossible — this one's for you.If no one's told you today: I love you. Recovery is simple, not easy.▶ Follow the show so you don't miss the next one. 📩 Want the full talks? DM me on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod — I'll send them over.
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  "Sorry" Stopped Working: How I Actually Made Amends in Recovery 13.06.2026 18min

  I said "I'm sorry" so many times in my addiction that the word stopped meaning anything. All words, no action — guilt with a better vocabulary. In this solo episode I get into the difference between a verbal amends and a living amends: not the conversation, but the daily commitment to behave differently and become someone who doesn't repeat the harm.I talk about cleaning up my side of the street, moving from taker to giver, making amends to myself, and the trap of using "I'll just live differently" as an escape hatch to avoid the hard conversations. I also tell the story of running into my old drug dealer at the gym five years sober — and what I did next.This one's about rebuilding trust after addiction, forgiving yourself first, and why your family doesn't owe you forgiveness — but your actions, over time, speak louder than any apology.Recovery is simple, not easy.🎧 New episodes twice a week. If this helped, follow the show — it genuinely helps it grow.0:00 Guilt with a better vocabulary0:34 What this episode is really about1:11 "How do I pay my parents back?"1:29 Welcome to Recovering Out Loud2:12 What a living amends actually is2:49 Verbal amends vs. living amends3:19 Moving from taker to giver4:02 My purpose is to be of service4:19 When living amends is the right path5:21 Amends is for you, not for them5:46 The trap: amends as an escape hatch6:32 Making amends to yourself7:11 The long game — there's no finish line7:47 What it feels like with family8:28 You cannot heal anyone9:18 Why your worst comes out at home10:26 Nobody owes you forgiveness11:16 Integrity when nobody's watching12:03 The drug dealer at the gym13:31 Don't put yourself in danger13:46 If an amends pops into your head15:06 Disturbed, discontent, disconnected15:34 It's a process — progress not perfection16:10 Don't use being high as an excuse16:32 How to actually make the amends17:22 Forgive yourself first18:09 The nightly inventory18:31 Outro