Untethering Shame

Afleveringen

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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E58: Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy (And Why You Were Taught Otherwise) 06.08.2026 12min

  Having a need is not the same as being needy. Those two got conflated so early that for a lot of us they feel identical. They're not.This week's anonymous question: "Every time I try to ask for what I need I either over-explain and justify for twenty minutes, or I say nothing and then explode two weeks later. I was told so many times as a kid that I was too needy that I don't know how to have a need anymore. How do I ask without it being a whole thing?"I break down where the "I'm too much" story comes from, why over-explaining and exploding are the same protection wearing different clothes, and what a clean, direct ask actually sounds like.This is for you if:You justify before you askYou go quiet and blow up laterYou were called dramatic or too much as a kidHomework: pick one small need. Say it out loud. No preamble, no apology, no justification. Just "I need ____."Your needs are not the problem. They never were.Resources & LinksTake the Burnout Quiz: https://adversityrising.com/quizLiberated Living Program: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingFree Guide, Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day: https://adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientSubmit a question for a future AMA: https://adversityrising.com/shame-free-qaBook a Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callConnect with KyiraInstagram & TikTok: @adversityrisingWebsite: https://adversityrising.comSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543
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  Shame & Your Symptoms: Why Nothing Is Wrong with You with David Bedrick 02.08.2026 1u 3min

  "The shame is it usually means curing yourself of yourself."In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with David Bedrick, psychotherapist, teacher, and author with more than 35 years of experience working with trauma, shame, addiction, body image, and chronic symptoms. David created The Unshaming Way, an approach that treats painful experiences as meaningful signals rather than problems to fix. This is his second time on the show, and we went somewhere I did not plan for.We start with what it costs to belong. David calls it the assimilationist curse, the quiet agreement that says you can stay as long as you become smaller, quieter, less yourself. He points to James Baldwin on the price of the ticket, and then he makes it personal. He is 70. His body is inflamed. Instead of asking how to reduce the inflammation, he asks what he is inflamed about.That question turns the whole conversation. If a symptom is a signal, then the thing you have been trying to eliminate might be the part of you still fighting for something. David tells the story of a client whose relationship with food had been treated as a disorder for decades, and what changed when someone finally asked what her refusal was protecting instead of how to make it stop. He calls it her power. He calls it every piece of medicine she needs in her life.Then he turns it on me. What follows was not planned, and it is the part of this episode I keep coming back to. We do live work on my own anger, the part of me that wants to be seen, and David shows what unshaming actually looks like in real time. Not resolving the conflict. Living it.This conversation is for you if:You have been working on yourself for years and still feel like the goal is to become someone elseYour body is telling you something and every professional you have seen wants to quiet itYou have been called too much, too intense, too angry, or too needyYou are tired of being asked to find balance between parts of you that do not want to compromiseYou want to know what healing looks like when nothing is wrong with youMore about David:David Bedrick is a psychotherapist, teacher, and author with 35+ years of experience working with trauma, shame, addiction, body image, and chronic symptoms. He created The Unshaming Way, which reframes painful experiences as meaningful signals, not problems to fix.Rooted in process-oriented psychology and somatic work, his approach blends depth psychology and social justice, and explores how shame is shaped by the ways we are witnessed by people and culture.He is the author of five books, including The Unshaming Way and The Unshaming Way Workbook, and writes for Psychology Today.His work is also personal, shaped by childhood abuse and the denial surrounding it, which he identifies as central to how shame takes hold.Connect with David:WebsiteInstagramThe Unshaming Way: A Compassionate Guide to Dismantling ShameThe Unshaming Way Workbook, available nowDavid's Psychology Today articlesEpisode 1: S2E41Ready to take the next step?Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that is keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs.Stay Connected:Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.YouTubeWebsite
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E57: Too Much and Not Enough at the Same Time (Understanding the Core Belief That's Been Running Your Life) 29.07.2026 13min

  Do you carry a quiet, persistent feeling that you are somehow too much for some people and not enough for others, no matter how much work you've done? You are not alone. In this episode, we go beneath the strategies and the affirmations to the place where that feeling actually lives.We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I've been in therapy. I've read the books. I've done the work, and I still have this deep quiet feeling that I am fundamentally too much for some people and not enough for others. It's been there my whole life, and I can't logic my way out of it. Where does that actually come from, and how do I stop letting it quietly run everything?"If that in-between feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that not being able to think your way out of this is a failure. It isn't. It's a clue. Core beliefs were never formed through logic, so logic alone can't reach them. Your years of therapy and reflection built essential scaffolding. This episode is about the rest of the building.In this episode, you will learn: What a Core Belief Actually Is: Why it's not an opinion but a pre-verbal truth your nervous system decided about you early in life, formed in the body before you could question it. Why Affirmations Bounce Off: How your mind and body run on different systems, and why you can know something isn't true while your body still believes it completely. How the Belief Was Formed: How a parent's irritation, silence, or conditional praise became a child's conclusion: I'm too much, I'm only lovable when I perform. Confirmation Bias in Action: How the belief filters every experience, minimizing warmth and amplifying rejection, so it constantly reinforces itself. Belief vs. Identity: The small linguistic shift from "I am too much" to "I have a belief that I'm too much," and why it creates the distance you need to work with it. The Evidence File: How intentionally collecting real moments, real people, and real memories starts to interrupt the filter over time. Somatic Work: Why the nervous system changes through repeated experience rather than single insights, and what body-level work actually looks like. Your Homework: When the belief shows up this week, name it, locate it in your body, and ask how old the feeling is. The answer is usually much younger than you.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Download the FREE Guide: "Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingStay Connected: Subscribe on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543 YouTube: www.youtube.com/@adversityrising Website: www.adversityrising.comThat feeling is a child's conclusion about a child's world, carried by a body that never got an update. It doesn't have to be your identity. You are allowed to revise the story.
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  Shame & Developmental Trauma: How Childhood Wounds Shape Our Worth with Jane I-Chen Liu 26.07.2026 58min

  At 42, Jane went home to Taiwan for Chinese New Year and stayed in a hotel instead of her parents' house. It took four decades of healing work to get there.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Jane I-Chen Liu, LMHC, SEP, a therapist trained in IFS, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing, to talk about why boundaries with parents feel so impossible.We get into why you swing between over-tolerating everything and cutting off completely, and why neither one is a failure. Jane explains role confusion in enmeshed families, the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame, and why your nervous system can stay frozen at the age you were hurt.She also walks through her three-step framework: heal the younger parts, update your current nervous system, then rehearse the new behavior before you are in the room.The reframe that lands hardest: boundaries are not rejection. Jane's dad still picked her up from that hotel every day for lunch and dancing. The boundary changed where she slept, not whether she showed up.This conversation is for you if:You feel like a bad son or daughter every time you say noYou have gone from tolerating too much to no contact and back againShame keeps popping up no matter how much work you have doneAbout Jane:Jane I-Chen Liu, LMHC, SEP, is the founder of KareKounseling, PLLC, a trauma-informed practice in Washington State. She helps adults heal childhood wounds, developmental trauma, CPTSD, generational trauma, and toxic shame using EMDR, IFS, and Somatic Experiencing.Connect with Jane:Website: http://www.karekounseling.comReady to take the next step?Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every DayBook a free 25-minute discovery callStay Connected:SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubeWebsite
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E56: Why You Can't Say No to Your Boss (And What Your Worth Has to Do With It) 22.07.2026 13min

  Do you say no with confidence to friends and family, then fold the second your boss sends a "do you have a few minutes?" message? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about why work boundaries feel impossible even after years of boundary work.We tackle a question from our listener Deb:"I've gotten better at limits with friends and family, but the second my boss asks me for something I know I can't take on, it's like I fold every time. I say yes, I resent it, and then I feel guilty for resenting it. Why is saying no at work so much harder than everywhere else? And how do I do it without destroying my reputation or my relationships?"If that moment feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that folding at work means you haven't done enough work on yourself. It doesn't. Work is where your worth gets evaluated publicly, with real consequences attached, so your nervous system treats a no as an existential threat. That response is logical. It's also running on an old story, and you can rewrite it.In this episode, you will learn: The Core Belief Underneath: How "my value at work is tied to my willingness to say yes" formed long before you had a paycheck, and why it fires faster than your thinking brain. Why Work Rewards the Pattern: How praise, promotions, and "team player" labels quietly confirm the belief while burning you out. The Guilt-Resentment Loop: Why resentment pushes you toward no, shame pulls you back toward yes, and communication scripts alone will never break the cycle. Separate the Request From Your Worth: How to recognize that your boss is assessing capacity, not questioning your value, so the stakes drop in your nervous system. Stop Overexplaining: Why an elaborate justification is the verbal equivalent of asking permission, and the one full sentence that's actually enough. The Story After the No: Why the guilt is almost never proportional to the consequence, and how to catch the catastrophizing before it takes over your week. When the Environment Is the Problem: How to tell the difference between a workplace where no is safe and one where the honest question is whether you can sustain yourself there at all. Your Homework: Revisit one recent regretted yes and answer three questions, including what you would tell a colleague you respect in the same spot.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Download the FREE Guide: "Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingStay Connected: Subscribe on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543 YouTube: www.youtube.com/@adversityrising Website: www.adversityrising.comYour no, delivered with clarity, is an act of integrity. And integrity builds reputations. It doesn't destroy them.
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  Shame & the Inner Critic: Understanding the Triangle Driving Your Escape with Jessica Fern & David Cooley 19.07.2026 52min

  Why do we escape, what are we really running from, and what does it actually take to stop?In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with psychotherapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley, co-authors of a new book built around the shame triangle. We go deeper into the four types of escapers: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, and aggression, and how each one is a nervous system response to the weight of shame and the inner critic.All three of us bring our own lived experience to the table, so the concepts land as personal and immediately recognizable. We talk about how society rewards certain forms of escape (hello, hustle culture), why most therapy and self-help stop at the symptom level, and how to move from the shame triangle into the self-love triangle: escapers become inner nurturers, and the inner critic becomes an inner coach.What You'll LearnEscapism is a nervous system response, not a character flawThe inner critic is built from the outside in, as a survival strategyThe 4 escaper types: over-functioning, under-functioning, other emotions, aggressionWhy productivity culture makes over-functioning invisibleWhy treating the symptom (anxiety, perfectionism, addiction) is not enoughHow the shame triangle shifts into a self-love triangleHealing means expanding your window of tolerance, not eliminating discomfortThe inner critic is loud, but it is not truthStart with one part: the critic, the shame, or the escapers. Just get to know it.Connect with Our GuestsJessica Fern, psychotherapist and author of Polysecure: JessicaFern.comDavid Cooley, creator of Restorative Relationship Conversations: restorativerelationship.comGet ConnectedSubscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email listListen on Spotify or Apple PodcastsTake the Next StepDownload the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every DayBook a free 25-minute discovery callJoin the next round of Liberated Living
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  🎙️Ask Me Anything – E55: Why Is It So Hard to Admit We’re Wrong? 16.07.2026 6min

  Do you know you should apologize, but feel your whole body resist the moment it's time to say the words? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about why accountability feels so threatening, and why it has far less to do with ego than you think.We tackle a question inspired by one of my recent group workshops:"Why does it feel so uncomfortable to admit when I'm wrong or apologize, even when I know I should?"If that hesitation feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that struggling to apologize means you don't care. Most of the people who struggle with this care deeply, sometimes too deeply. They are so terrified of being perceived as bad that accountability starts to feel emotionally annihilating. This is shame, not character, and what was learned can be unlearned.In this episode, you will learn: Guilt vs. Shame: Why "I did something bad" allows movement while "I am bad" creates collapse, defensiveness, and overexplaining. Where It Started: How growing up in homes where mistakes felt dangerous, punishable, or shameful taught your nervous system that being wrong risks disconnection. Why Adults Never Apologized: How homes built on authority instead of repair left many of us without a model for tolerating imperfection. Repair Over Perfection: Why healthy relationships require rupture and repair, and why repair, not flawlessness, is what builds trust with your kids, partner, and friends. Self-Forgiveness Done Right: How to hold two truths at once: I don't love what I did, and I still deserve compassion while I grow. Why Shame Blocks Change: Why people become more accountable when they stop treating mistakes as proof they're broken, because safety creates change, not shame. Your Homework: Get curious about where you learned that being wrong was unsafe, and start normalizing being human without collapsing.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Download the FREE Guide: "Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingStay Connected: Subscribe on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543 YouTube: www.youtube.com/@adversityrising Website: www.adversityrising.comYou don't have to be perfect to be worthy of connection. You just have to be willing to repair. And you already are.
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  Shame & Division: Finding Connection Across Difference with Marcia Earhart 12.07.2026 51min

  Grief doesn't only come from death. Sometimes it comes from the slow loss of a relationship, an identity, a place you used to belong.In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Marcia Earhart, a grief and trauma-informed coach, mediator, and HeartSync minister, for a raw conversation about estrangement, complicated grief, and what it actually costs to belong somewhere you have to disappear to stay.Marcia and I hold genuinely opposing beliefs. We chose curiosity anyway. That choice is the episode.We get into why estrangement is rarely about politics, how social media manufactures division, why avoidance damages more than conflict ever will, and why waiting for time to heal you is the quietest way to stay stuck.This conversation is for you if:You have lost someone who is still aliveYou have shrunk yourself to keep a seat at a tableYou avoid hard conversations and call it peaceYou are grieving a version of yourself you cannot get backConnect with Marcia:Website: thesterlingrosesanctuary.usInstagram: @thesterlingrosesanctuaryFacebook: TSRS21LinkedIn: Marcia EarhartYouTube: @marciaearhart6328Free handout: 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day. Download it here.Book a free 25-minute discovery call: Schedule here.Stay connected:adversityrising.comYouTube @adversityrisingSpotifyApple PodcastsLeave a review and tell me what landed.
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  Shame & OCPD: When Your Brain Never Stops and Society Calls It a Feature with Janice Russell 05.07.2026 1u

  What if the traits you've been praised for your whole life, the perfectionism, the rule following, the relentless work ethic, were actually symptoms of a diagnosis most people have never heard of? In this episode, I sit down with Janice Russell, the Overwhelm Slayer, to unpack Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). Not OCD. OCPD. Janice spent decades building a life that looked incredibly productive and impressively accomplished, from special education to corporate to a 20-year career as a professional organizer, before a therapist handed her a questionnaire that finally explained the operating system her brain had been running the whole time.We get into the difference between OCD and OCPD, why so many people go undiagnosed, what it feels like when you literally cannot turn your brain off, and how Janice has learned to leverage her wiring instead of fighting it. From planning her relaxation (yes, really) to a gratitude practice built around a two-inch notebook, this conversation is a masterclass in working with your brain, not against it.What we cover:The difference between OCD (an anxiety disorder) and OCPD (a personality disorder)Why the traits society celebrates can be the same ones quietly depleting youHow Janice found out about her diagnosis while in therapy for depressionThe exhaustion of a brain that never stops and why she has to plan her downtimeBuilding systems that honor your wiring: gratitude notebooks, mindfulness streaks, and scheduled rechargeNavigating interpersonal relationships when your brain defaults to "there's a right way""Done is better than perfect" and asking "what's the worst thing that could happen if I don't do this?"How Janice now helps others optimize life after a medical diagnosisMore about Janice:Janice Russell is the Overwhelm Slayer, helping people navigate life after a health diagnosis by building systems that make paperwork, to-dos, and time feel manageable. After 11 years in the classroom and time in the corporate world, they built a business grounded in decades of hands-on organizing and productivity experience. Today, Janice provides virtual coaching and accountability for clients managing brain-based, autoimmune, and other body-based conditions.Connect with Janice:WebsiteLinkedInFacebookInstagramYouTubeReady to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs.Stay Connected:Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.YouTube | Website
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  Shame & the Pill-Popping Culture: What Parents Don't Know and What That Silence Is Costing Our Kids with Michelle Kullman 28.06.2026 54min

  Please note: this episode covers substance use, fentanyl poisoning, child loss, and grief. Take care while listening. If you're struggling, you can call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or reach SAMHSA at 1-800-662-4357. Michelle Kullmann was sure it would never be her kid. Then her 18-year-old son Cade took one pill at college, a fake Percocet that was 100% fentanyl, and he never came home. In this episode, Michelle tells Cade's full story: who he was, the night he died in his UW-Milwaukee dorm, the warning signs nobody in the room recognized, and the judgment she faced afterward. Strangers called her son a junkie. This conversation is about the grief, and the second wound that stigma piles on top of it. Michelle refuses to call what happened an overdose. It was a fentanyl poisoning. It only takes two milligrams of fentanyl to kill you, enough to fit on the tip of a pencil. Today she fights to put Narcan on every college campus and to tell young people the truth about what the fentanyl crisis really looks like. In this conversation: Why "fentanyl poisoning" is not the same as "overdose" The warning signs of an opioid emergency that could save a life How fake pills are pressed to look like Percocet, Adderall, and Xanax How stigma keeps families silent and keeps this crisis hidden How Michelle turned her loss into advocacy through Cade's Light Please note: this episode covers substance use, child loss, and grief. Take care while listening. Connect with Michelle Kullmann Cade's Light: cadeslight.org LinkedIn: Michelle Kullmann Resources 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 Ready to take the next step? Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start breaking the shame cycle that keeps you stuck. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to find the support that fits your needs. Stay connected Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E54: How to Teach Your Kids to Sit with Discomfort When You Haven't Learned It Yourself 24.06.2026 11min

  Do you know you should teach your kids that discomfort isn't an emergency, but freeze because you have never figured out how to sit with it yourself? You are not alone. In this episode, we get honest about teaching a skill you are still learning, and why that might be the most powerful version of this work there is. We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I know I need to teach my kids that they can't have everything immediately and that discomfort isn't an emergency, but honestly? I'm terrible at sitting with discomfort myself. I distract, I scroll, I fix things just to make the feeling stop. How do I teach my kids something I haven't figured out myself yet?"If that scene feels familiar, this episode is for you. I want to release you from the idea that you have to be fully healed to be a good parent in this area. You don't. You just need to be honest and willing to do the work alongside your kids. We get into why this is a nervous system pattern rather than a discipline problem, how it gets handed down across generations, and what a steadier kind of love actually looks like in the hard moments.In this episode, you will learn: Discomfort Tolerance Is a Skill: Why this is a nervous system pattern, not a willpower problem, and why a skill can only be built if someone creates the conditions to practice it. The Intergenerational Pattern: How the way you respond to discomfort was handed to you, without blame, and why you are at a remarkable moment to choose something different. What Rescuing Actually Teaches: Why fixing a hard feeling too fast accidentally confirms the belief that discomfort is dangerous, and what a steadier love looks like instead. You Are the Curriculum: Why kids learn discomfort tolerance from watching you move through something hard, not from lectures about it. The Pause: A concrete practice for catching your own rescuing impulse and asking whether this is an actual emergency or a feeling they can move through with your support. Co-Regulation and Narration: Why you only have to be more regulated than they are, and how naming your own discomfort out loud regulates you and teaches them at the same time. Scrolling and Real Relief: Why distraction is an understandable strategy, not a character flaw, and the difference between relief that restores you and relief that just interrupts the feeling. Your Homework: One small practice for staying present in a mild moment of discomfort, so you teach your child and learn it yourself, side by side.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz 📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here 💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step: ★ Download the FREE Guide: "Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingYou don't have to be a perfect parent. You just have to be a willing one. And you already are.
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  Shame & Boundaries: Reclaiming Hope, Choice, and the Courage to Stop Tolerating What Drains You with Elizabeth Webb 21.06.2026 54min

  What happens when you have done all the things, read the books, attended the webinars, and still feel disconnected from yourself? In this episode I sit down with Elizabeth Webb, positive psychology expert, coach, and author of Made for Magic, to talk about why so many of us stay stuck in patterns that drain us, and how we start choosing differently.We get into self-abandonment and the quiet ways we spend our time and energy on everyone but ourselves. We name the trap of toxic toleration, the shadowy side of being the fixer, and why unasked-for help is often a form of control. Elizabeth gets honest about people-pleasing, the line "when you stop people pleasing, people are not pleased," and the grief that shows up when you start renegotiating the invisible relational contracts you never knew you signed.We also talk about the shame spiral that keeps you stuck, how hope and choice rebuild your agency, and the practical, body-based tools you can use in the moment when breaking a pattern feels scary.In this conversation:Why self-abandonment quietly runs your week, and how to track itToxic toleration and the cost of being the one who holds everyone's stuffThe shadowy side of caretaking and unasked-for helpHow the shame spiral keeps you out of actionElizabeth's energy reclamation practice for ruminationBreaking and rewriting relational contracts without ghosting peopleThe grief that follows boundary work, and how to be with itIn-the-moment distress tolerance: walks, nature, grounding, bilateral stimulationWhy hope is always available, because choice is always availableAbout Elizabeth:Elizabeth Webb is The Practical Priestess and an expert in positive psychology and human behavior. For over two decades she has helped leaders, celebrities, and change-makers break free from life's shackles, make empowered choices, and build a life they are excited to wake up to. Her debut book, Made for Magic, is out now in paperback and audiobook, narrated by Elizabeth.Connect with Elizabeth:Website: http://positivelyelizabeth.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/positivelyelizabeth/Get the first chapter of Made for Magic free: http://madeformagicbook.com/Ready to take the next step?Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: http://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientBook a free 25-minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that fits you best: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callIf this one landed, comment POD and let me know what hit home.Stay connected:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42?si=d8cdfcb925ce4c9cApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@adversityrisingWebsite: https://www.adversityrising.com
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E53: The Three Buckets That Will Change Every Relationship You Have (Needs, Wants, and What You've Been Quietly Accepting) 17.06.2026 11min

  Do you keep accepting things in your relationships that you never actually agreed to? You are not alone. In this episode, we get clear on the difference between what you genuinely need, what you truly want, and what you have just quietly been tolerating.We tackle a question from an anonymous listener:"I have three things I need from people in my life, like fifteen things I'd love, and then a whole other category of things I've just... quietly accepted even though they don't feel good. I've never actually separated those out and I think it's making everything murkier than it needs to be. How do I get clear on what I actually need versus what I'm just tolerating?"If that lands somewhere uncomfortable, this episode is for you. I introduce a framework I call the three buckets, and once you hear it you will start applying it to every relationship in your life. You will learn why collapsing these categories into one undifferentiated blur creates the exact fog so many of us live in, and how getting clear is an act of radical self-authorship.In this episode, you will learn:The Three Buckets: The difference between needs, wants, and accepts, and why each one carries a very different emotional weight.Needs Are the Floor: Why needs are non-negotiable baseline conditions, not preferences in urgent language, and why an unmet need is crucial information.Wants Deserve Naming: How swallowed wants turn into slow, quiet, accumulating resentment, and how to voice them without ultimatums.The Accept Trap: The one question to ask about everything you tolerate, "did I consciously choose this?", and how to tell genuine acceptance from tolerance that accumulated in the dark.Why the Buckets Collapse: How the fog became a survival strategy for high-achievers and helpers, and what it costs you.Your Homework: A simple exercise to map all three buckets in one relationship and get them out of the fog and onto the page.Resources & Links:Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingStart with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-livingYou are allowed to know what you need. You are allowed to want more than you've been settling for. And you are allowed to stop tolerating things you never actually chose.
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  Shame & Lying: From People-Pleasing to Telling the Truth with Mary Beth Thomsen 14.06.2026 53min

  You lie one to two times a day. So do I. And most of those lies have nothing to do with being a bad person.In this episode I sit down with Mary Beth Thomsen, intuitive and spiritual life coach, psychic medium, and shamanic practitioner, to unpack the real psychology of lying: why we lie, how lying starts in childhood as a survival strategy, and how those same protective habits turn into self betrayal as adults.Mary Beth teaches her clients how to do deep internal assessments to understand where they are holding themselves back from living their most authentic lives. Her upcoming book, Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World, gets right to the heart of what we do here: releasing shame so you can live rooted in truth, self trust, and radical acceptance.We get into why lying is almost always about safety and belonging, not malice. Why being lied to can be one of the most triggering experiences even if you have lied plenty yourself. How to teach kids honesty without shaming them. And the question underneath all of it: where in your life are you saying yes when you really mean no?What we cover:What actually counts as a lie, and the lies we tell without knowing itWhy kids start lying around age 2 to 3 and what it really meansThe research: 60 percent of adults lie at least once in a 10 minute conversationWhy being lied to is a trauma triggerHow to teach children truth telling and boundaries without shameThe link between shame, secrecy, and image managementHow to use your body as a truth barometerWhat self betrayal really is and where it hides in your daily lifeThe five years from now exercise for getting radically honestWhy truth telling sometimes costs you relationships, and why it is still worth itTake the next step:Mary Beth created a free Truth-Telling Assessment for this conversation. It is a self betrayal inventory that helps you find where in your life you are not being fully honest with yourself. Take it here: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truthConnect with Mary Beth Thomsen:Website: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/Truth-Telling Assessment: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truthInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulshinescoaching/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/soulshinescoaching/Book: Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World (coming soon)Chapters:0:00 Intro: lying is more layered than you think2:12 What is a lie, actually?3:33 The lies we tell ourselves without knowing6:08 Why we lie: it was never about being bad7:19 How often adults really lie9:26 Lying to belong13:34 Why being lied to is a trauma trigger14:31 How do we teach kids when and how to lie?18:35 The compliant kid problem22:08 Body agency28:47 Shame, secrecy, and image management29:52 Your body as a truth barometer30:51 The Self Betrayal Inventory35:22 What self betrayal really means38:28 Values, alignment, and designing an honest life42:37 The five years from now exercise44:29 Compassion and the permission slip to tell the truth46:33 The cost of honesty52:23 The Cheryl Strayed quote that says it allIf this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs permission to tell the truth. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss one.
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E52: When You've Both Changed (How to Renegotiate a Relationship Without Blowing It Up) 10.06.2026 9min

  Are you feeling disconnected from your partner even though you rarely fight? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the silent distance, outdated relationship contracts, and the unspoken changes that leave couples feeling lost.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"My partner and I have been together for years and I love them, but somewhere along the way we became completely different people with completely different needs. We don't fight, we just feel... disconnected and a little lost. Is it normal for relationships to need a total reset? And how do you even start that conversation without it feeling like an accusation?"If you find yourself relating to this, this episode will help you understand the silent agreements running your relationship. You will learn why feeling distant is not evidence of a broken relationship, but rather proof that you are both still growing.We explain the critical difference between the absence of conflict and the presence of connection, and we provide practical steps to begin renegotiating your relationship without placing blame.In this episode, you will learn: The Reality of Relationship Contracts: Why the unspoken agreements from the early days of your relationship might be causing your current disconnection. Quiet Distance vs. Conflict: The exact reason why couples with the least conflict often have the most unspoken distance. Starting the Conversation: How to express your feelings of disconnection using your own experience rather than pointing fingers at your partner's behavior. Defining Your Needs: How to get genuinely clear on what you actually need right now to feel safe and fulfilled. A Practical Action Plan: A pre-conversation homework exercise to identify who you are now, what you have stopped asking for, and what a fitting relationship looks like today.Resources & Links:Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living
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  Shame & Childhood Trauma: How Early Wounds Become Core Beliefs in Adulthood with Sabrina Trobek 07.06.2026 1u 1min

  It's not what happened to you, it's the emotion you were never allowed to feel. Therapist and author Sabrina Trobak returns to Untethered Shame to explain why "the past is the past" keeps you stuck, and how one quiet core belief, not good enough, not important, not valued, drives anxiety, people-pleasing, and burnout.Another Untethered Shame episode that goes one layer deeper than you expected.This episode is for you if:You downplay your childhood because "nothing really happened"You're the dependable, easy one and you're exhaustedYou can explain your pain perfectly but still feel stuck in itWhat you'll learn:Why the event isn't the wound, the suppressed emotion isThe two "buckets" of trauma, and why low-grade, long-term trauma is the kind no one labelsWhy "normal" isn't the goal, and what healthy actually looks likeThe core belief behind anxiety: not good enough, not important, not valuedHow people-pleasing and perfectionism get praised while quietly costing youWhy we ghost, avoid, and use logic to dodge our own feelingsBoundaries and owning your part as the real first step"Normal is usually not healthy. Strive for healthy." — Sabrina TrobakGrab Sabrina's book: Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety — link in Sabrina's bio below.More about Sabrina: Sabrina Trobak is a registered counsellor and the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety. Sabrina is also a clinical supervisor and public speaker and holds a master's degree in counselling psychology. Before becoming a counsellor, Sabrina was a teacher, vice principal, and school counsellor for over 20 years. Sabrina has extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma can have on a person, including anxiety and core beliefs.Connect with Sabrina:Website: https://www.trobakholistic.org/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trobakholisticcounsellingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/nge_trobak/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-trobak-b-ed-m-a-c-p-r-c-c-ccs-99725127/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SabrinaTrobak🔔 Subscribe for new Untethered Shame episodes.Get Connected.★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42Take the Next Step.★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that's keeping you stuck: www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss program options and find the support that best fits your needs: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E51: When Family Calls You Selfish for Choosing Yourself (And How to Hold Your Ground Without Losing Yourself) 03.06.2026 10min

  Have you ever made a decision you knew in your gut was right — then had someone you love tell you it was wrong, until you started doubting everything? Not because new information showed up. Just because their disappointment got so loud it drowned out your own knowing.If you've been there, this episode is for you.This week's question comes from a longtime listener and dear friend, Alice:"My family is devastated that I'm not coming home for a funeral. I had real, legitimate reasons — financial, emotional, logistical — but no one wants to hear them. They're calling me selfish and cold, and part of me is starting to believe them. How do I hold my decision without completely falling apart under the weight of their disappointment?"In this Ask Me Anything episode, I sit with one of the hardest places to stand: holding a decision you know is right while the people who raised you call you selfish. Family shame is different — it has roots, and it knows exactly where to pull.I walk through the difference between guilt (I did something against my values) and shame (I am something wrong), and why what Alice is feeling is borrowed shame imported from someone else's value system. We separate the two tangled threads — your family's grief and the validity of your decision — and I share how to build internal authority so you can stay anchored when outside voices get loud.What I cover:• Guilt vs. shame, and how to tell which you're feeling- The unspoken family loyalty codes you broke without meaning to- Why over-explaining hands them the power to validate your choice- Giving yourself permission to grieve your own lossA few lines I keep coming back to:• Borrowed shame is not yours to carry.- Love is not demonstrated through self-destruction.- You can love your family, grieve that you weren't there, and still know it was the right call.You're allowed to make hard decisions. You're allowed to have limits. And the people who love you most will find their way back to you.Resources & Links:Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I'd love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living
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  Shame & Attraction: Why Your Brain Falls for the Wrong People with Leah Mitchell 31.05.2026 52min

  Why do I keep choosing the people, relationships, and dynamics that confirm my deepest insecurities? That question sits at the heart of this episode. I'm joined by neuroscience-based love coach Leah Mitchell to unpack why we're drawn to the "wrong" people on a chemical level.We get into why we stay stuck seeking validation as adults, the truth about reaching for the "narcissist" label, how cortisol and stress shape attraction, why we chase the chaos we grew up with, and why secure love can feel so threatening. None of it leaves you stuck. Leah shares her idea of "regardless energy" and a real first step toward choosing differently.If good love has ever felt boring, if you sabotage the healthy thing, or you're tired of ending up in the same place, this one is for you.In this episode:Why we get stuck seeking validationThe truth about the "narcissist" labelHow attraction works on a chemical levelWhy secure love can feel like a trapLearning to trust yourself and choose connection anywayConnect with Leah Mitchell:Facebook: facebook.com/LeahMitchellInstagram: @goddessofloveofficialGet Connected:Subscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email list: adversityrising.com/email-listListen to the podcast: open.spotify.com/show/AdversityRisingTake the Next Step:Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts to break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientBook a free 25-minute discovery call to find the support that best fits your needs: calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callAre you a people pleaser, ruminator, or over-extender? Join the next round of Liberated Living and practice the radical 3 — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship: adversityrising.com/liberated-livingIf something here hit home, let me know what you're taking away, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. I'll see you back here next week.
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  🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E50: Why You Keep Snapping (And What Your Reactions Are Actually Trying to Tell You) 27.05.2026 9min

  Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly snapping at your loved ones? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the exhaustion, chronic stress, and burnout that lead to explosive reactions and intense shame.We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener:"I'm not an angry person, or, I mean, I guess at least I didn't used to be. But lately, I snap at my kids, I'm short with my partner, and I say things I immediately regret. I hate who I am by the end of the day. I know I need to regulate my nervous system, but honestly, I don't even know what that means in any real-time situation. So how do I stop doing this?"If you find yourself relating to this, this video will help you understand the biology behind your reactions. You will learn why your brain treats the never-ending to-do list like a physical threat and how chronic stress depletes your emotional buffer. We explain the critical difference between being reactive and being responsive, and we provide practical steps to expand your capacity for discomfort without simply telling you to "calm down".In this episode, you will learn: The Depletion Factor: Why you are not a bad or angry person, but rather a depleted individual running without an emotional buffer. Nervous System Biology: The exact reason your brain bypasses logic and choice during stressful everyday moments. Reactivity vs. Responsiveness: How to build that crucial space between a stressful trigger and your outward response. The Role of Unprocessed Grief: How mourning the person you used to be can manifest as anger toward your family. A Practical Action Plan: A post-reaction homework exercise to identify the true emotions hiding underneath your outbursts.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you.Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven-day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living
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  Shame, Power, and Desire: A Trauma-Informed Look at Dominance & Submission 24.05.2026 48min

  Stop treating your burnout with toxic habits. Explore the unexpected safety of letting go of control. In this episode, we sit down with Mistress Mia, a therapeutic dominatrix who uses her practice for deep inner work and self-development. We break down the cultural taboos surrounding kink, clarifying that the Hollywood image of leather and whips only makes up a small fraction of her actual profession.Mia details how she helps high-achieving adults, trauma survivors, and people with ADHD break destructive patterns through extreme accountability.By entering into a "sacred power exchange", individuals can release the heavy burden of constant decision-making and find freedom in a completely non-judgmental space.We discuss the psychology behind the Gateway Theory of pain, exploring how a calculated, safe dose of physical pain can successfully silence chronic psychological distress and overactive thoughts. Mia also outlines her strict safety rules, including her hard boundary against heavy play for anyone under the age of 26 to protect brain development.In this episode, we cover: Why the traditional understanding of a dominatrix is mostly a misconception. How taking away the need to have everything figured out promotes emotional healing. The psychology of undressing to bypass internal defenses and shame. Why successful people use calculated pain as a rite of passage to get unstuck. Using the Gateway Theory to find relief from dull, chronic emotional aches. Crucial advice on how to properly vet a practitioner before engaging in therapeutic BDSM.About the GuestMistress Mia is a Transformative Life Coach, Certified Therapeutic BDSM Practitioner, and Sacred Kink & Intimacy Coach who helps people step into their power, release shame, and claim lives that feel bold, authentic, and deeply their own. A founding member of the Kink Professional Standards Alliance and part of the Therapeutic BDSM Collaborative Network, she blends embodiment, resilience practices, and intentional BDSM to support meaningful, lasting transformation.Through her self-development program (The ARC Protocol™), as well as sessions, workshops, writings, and coaching, Mistress Mia offers a grounded yet daring path to confidence, courage, and self-acceptance. Her work welcomes anyone ready to grow stronger, more expressive, and more unapologetically themselves.Connect with Mia: Website: www.myarcprotocol.com TikTok: @mistressmiapayne Instagram: @callmemistressmia Telegram: @mistressmiapayne Email: MistressMia@paynewithpurpose.comResources Mentioned:Kink Professionals Standard Alliance: https://thekpsa.org/Get Connected. ★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel ★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list ★ Listen to my Podcast: Spotify Episode LinkTake the Next Step. ★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice: Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living