Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want

Afleveringen

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  Is My Vagina Normal? Undoing Vulva and Labia Shame 10.08.2026 32min

  Around 40, I realized I felt disgust about my own genitals. I'd been carrying middle school bullies' words about female bodies in my head for more than thirty years without ever once questioning them, and it wasn't until I started trying to reclaim my own sexuality that it smacked me in the face. It's very hard to feel pleasure in a part of your body you feel bad about. If any of that lands, you are in extremely good company, and I want you to know it is not personal, not yours alone, and not...
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  The Dependency Wound: When Care Was Never Something You Could Count On 03.08.2026 36min

  One partner wants sex constantly and can't understand why they're being refused. The other has quietly stopped wanting it at all and feels like they're constantly being pestered. Most people assume these two have opposite problems. Often times, they don't. They have the same challenge underneath, but they are coping in different ways. We're going beyond the standard "anxious or avoidant" here. Most of us learned early on whether care was something we could count on, and when the answer was un...
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  Body Shame and Your Sex Life: It's Not Your Fault, and Only You Can Fix It 27.07.2026 33min

  Body shame is pervasive, especially for women but increasingly for everyone, and it gets in the way of much more than how we feel in a swimsuit. It gets in the way of presence, pleasure, and our capacity for real connection. This is the first episode in a series I'm doing on body shame. If you've ever been so in your head about how you look that you couldn't stay present with a partner, or with yourself, this one is for you. I walk through where body shame actually comes from (spoiler: it's n...
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  The Safety Wound: When Your Body Was Never Home 20.07.2026 19min

  Part 2 of the Attachment Wounds & Erotic Emotions Series Maybe you have a tendency to intellectualize or spiritualize your experience, but not always fully feel it. Or maybe you can only really arrive in your body when something intense is happening. This episode is about how that happens, how it shapes your erotic needs and the way you show up in intimacy, and what to do about it, if you choose. The safety wound is the earliest developmental wound we're covering in this series. It ...
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  Beyond Anxious and Avoidant: Here's What's Actually Driving Your Desires 13.07.2026 38min

  That thing that turns you on but you've never quite been able to explain? Or the relationship dynamic you keep recreating? Those aren't random. And they aren't fully explained by your attachment style. This is the introduction episode for a series on attachment wounds and erotic desires. Before we get into the specific wound patterns, I'm laying the foundation — what attachment styles actually are, where they fall short, and how to understand attachment patterns beyond the standard (avoidant,...
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  What Makes a Great Lover? Research Shows It's These 8 Traits 06.07.2026 28min

  If you're searching for how to be a better lover, chances are you're encountering a lot of opinions that aren't rooted in fact. Most of us absorbed a version of what makes a great lover without ever being taught it — from movies, porn, romance novels, and a culture that never corrects those images with reality. The result is a subconscious checklist that includes perfect technique, the right body, spontaneous chemistry, and orgasms that look like movie scenes. And most of us are quietly measu...
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  When Parenting Your Partner is Killing Your Desire 29.06.2026 34min

  You love your partner. You're pretty sure you're still attracted to them. So why does your body say no — and why does it feel so connected to the fact that you've reminded them three times this week to do one thing? It is connected. The slow creep of feeling like your partner's parent is one of the most consistent desire-killers I see in my practice. In this episode I'm breaking down the three forms it takes, where each one comes from, and what actually moves the needle — whether you're the o...
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  Even Light Power Play Needs a Negotiation (Here's How to Make It Sexy) 22.06.2026 38min

  Most people who are experimenting with power play and BDSM aren't doing anything extreme. They're just two people who trust each other, trying to "spice it up." But skipping the negotiation conversation because it feels like it has to be a mood killer is a rookie move that can lead to real problems. I'm not talking bruises here, I'm talking about emotional distance, shut down, and loss of libido. This episode is built around a real couple — smart, communicative, good at relationsh...
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  Joy and Pleasure After Sexual Self-Abandonment 15.06.2026 28min

  Sexual self-abandonment is what happens when we stop having sex for ourselves. We may or may not actually stop having sex -- we might be doing it for someone else. For their desire, on their timeline, their idea of what sex should look like, while our own wants, our own pace, our own boundaries quietly went missing somewhere along the way. That's what this episode is about. How we get there — there are three really common pathways, and I've lived through all three myself — and more importantl...
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  What Two Feminist Relationship Coaches See in Heated Rivalry, with Maggie Reyes 08.06.2026 1u 3min

  It's Pride Month, and I am celebrating with my dear friend and fellow feminist relationship coach Maggie Reyes by doing something I've been wanting to do anyway: sit down and talk about Heated Rivalry — the show, the books, why we love them, and what they actually teach us about real relationships. Beware: There be spoilers ahead, matey. This is a fun one, and it goes deeper than fangirling. Maggie and I both coach on many of the dynamics this show depicts — vulnerability, shame, the co...
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  From Avoiding Sex to Loving It: Real Client Data 01.06.2026 36min

  If you've been wondering whether your sex life can actually be different, this is the evidence. This episode is like the before and after photos you've been needing that real people get real change. We're going into details about specific goals and what actually changes when people do real, structured work on desire, intimacy, and connection. Not inspiration. Not theory. Real people, real goals, real numbers — tracked from start to finish. In this episode: What people who come to...
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  The Last Place High Achievers Give Themselves Permission 25.05.2026 36min

  You've solved harder problems than this. So why is this one still stuck? This episode is for the high achievers who have done real work on themselves — the therapy, the books, the hard conversations — and still can't get traction when it comes to desire, intimacy, and their closest relationships. It's not because you haven't tried hard enough. It's because you've been using the wrong tools for the wrong system. In this episode: Why capable, self-sufficient people are often the last to get hel...
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  Coming Home to Your Body: What Sexual Embodiment Actually Feels Like 18.05.2026 29min

  Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their body, or their partner aren't broken. They're just exiled — from themselves. And nobody ever taught them the way back. This episode is about what it actually feels like when you find it. The felt sense of coming home to your own body's sexuality — as a resource, a grounding force, and the place from which real confidence, real connection, and real intimacy become possible. I was skeptical this even existed. Then my teacher demonstrate...
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  The Cult Dynamics Hiding Inside "Sacred Sexuality" Spaces — with Anke Richter 11.05.2026 49min

  You don't have to join a compound to end up in a high-control group. Sometimes it starts with a neo-tantra festival. A weekend workshop. A community that feels like finally, finally, you found your people. Anke Richter is an international cult journalist, author of the bestseller Cult Trip (HarperCollins), and founder of Decult — the first cult awareness conference in Australasia. She spent six years inside ISTA (International School of Temple Arts) before becoming one of its most informed cr...
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  The Men Behind "Sexual Polarity" Have a Lot to Answer For 04.05.2026 36min

  If you've ever left a sacred sexuality workshop feeling worse about yourself than when you walked in — or heard a friend blame herself for not being "receptive enough" — this episode is for you. Sexual polarity teachings are everywhere right now. They promise to unlock your feminine energy, reignite desire, and deepen connection. Sounds great. The reality is different. They're built on a foundation of made-up science, cultural theft, and a paper trail that leads somewhere deeply problematic. ...
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  Why Therapy Hasn't Fixed Your Sex Life (and What Actually Does) 27.04.2026 28min

  You've done the work. Real work. Therapy, couples counseling, the conversations, the books. You understand yourself better than you ever have — and you still feel the same way in your body. That's not a sign you're beyond help. It's a sign you've been using the wrong tools. This episode explains why the things most people reach for — talk therapy, mindset work, even good communication — don't reach desire and embodied intimacy, and what kind of support actually does. Whether you're partnered ...
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  Low Libido Isn't a Mindset Problem: Why You Can't Think Your Way to Desire 20.04.2026 35min

  If you've been trying to figure out how to want sex more and nothing is working — this episode is going to explain why. And it's probably not the answer you've heard before. A lot of people struggling with low desire or low libido have already done the reading. They understand the concepts. Their body still hasn't gotten the memo. That's not a character flaw. It's the wrong sequence. In this episode, I cover: Why desire and arousal are not the same thing — and why the order they happen in mat...
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  Sexual Shame: Why We All Have It and How to Give It Back 13.04.2026 34min

  Most people carry sexual shame so quietly and for so long that it starts to feel like a character trait rather than something that was handed to them. It isn't. Every flavor of shame — about wanting too much, too little, taking too long, not taking long enough, about your body, your history, your desires, your "low libido" — came from somewhere specific. And that somewhere is not you. In this episode, I go through the full inventory of sexual shame I see in my somatic intimacy coaching practi...
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  Pleasure Uprising: Why Culture Owes You an Apology 06.04.2026 28min

  Have you ever followed the "right" advice and ended up further from yourself? That's what this episode is about — and it's also why we're now Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want. The evolution of this show mirrors what happens in my practice all the time: when you stop trying to fit yourself into the frame someone else handed you, something truer emerges. In this episode: What the desire gap framing got right, what it missed, and what the shift revealsWhy the ...
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  Confident, not controlling: what "take charge in bed" actually means 30.03.2026 43min

  When a woman asks a male partner to "be more assertive in bed," those words are typically landing differently than she intends — and differently than he's hearing them. This is a gendered language problem, and it's causing real confusion, frustration, and disappointment in real relationships. There is a real vocabulary mismatch about "dominance" and "assertiveness" rooted in how men and women are socialized differently as children around anger, aggression, and sexuality — and once you see it,...