Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Episoade

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  Rewind: Wilder on Closed Triads, Poly Families & Living Authentically, EP. 161 16.07.2026 1h 7min

  Some conversations are simply too good to leave in the archives. This week I'm re-releasing one of my favorite early episodes with my dear friend, Wilder. Even years later, this conversation feels just as relevant. We dive into what it actually looks like to build a life outside of traditional relationship norms, from joining an already-married couple to creating a thriving polyamorous family together. Wilder shares her experience of living in a closed triad, navigating the assumptions people...
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  What Nobody Teaches You About Polycule Dynamics with Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith? 02.07.2026 46min

  Most conversations about non-monogamy focus on opening a relationship, navigating jealousy, or finding new partners. But what happens after that? How do you navigate a polycule where relationships are constantly evolving? How do you manage different expectations, conflicting needs, shifting priorities, and the very human reality that not everyone connects in the same way? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I'm joined by Red DeRooy and Stacey Smith?, co-authors of Nonmonogamy and G...
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  The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159 18.06.2026 33min

  What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules? What if it's community? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you're not as alone as you thought. They dive into what sex positivity actually means beyond the stereotypes, why comm...
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  Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158 04.06.2026 27min

  Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you? Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel it often creates more harm than healing. Because here's the truth: You don't have to be ecstatic. You don't have to pre...
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  How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157 22.05.2026 13min

  Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong? Maybe you shut down. Maybe you get defensive. Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop saying what you actually mean. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jealousy without losing yourself in the process. We get into: → why jealousy conversations...
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  How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156 14.05.2026 18min

  Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body? Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong. And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over. We get into: → why jealousy feels so physically intense → the difference between valid feelings a...
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  Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155 23.04.2026 17min

  Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment? Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.” But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down. Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the connection between jealousy and boundaries, and why jealousy often gets lou...
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  Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154 23.04.2026 13min

  Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal. A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up. If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense, especially in non-monogamy, and what’s often really happening underneath it. We talk about: →...
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  If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153 16.04.2026 11min

  Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build. A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else. And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the hidden cost of ignoring jealousy, especially in polyam...
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  Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152 09.04.2026 16min

  There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered. The connection can be real. The feelings can be real. And still… something feels off. If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you. Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also confusing, activating, and quietly painful if you don’t have language for what’s happening....
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  Communication Triangles in Polyamory: The Subtle Dynamic That Creates Drama EP. 151 02.04.2026 14min

  Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours? Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someone you didn’t have an issue with before? Yeah… that’s usually a communication triangle. In this episode, I’m breaking down how triangulation actually shows up in non-monogamy, why it’s so easy to fall into, and how it can quietly create tension and distortion ...
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  Showing Up Alone to a Swingers Event Changed Everything - Ep. 150 with Kate Heskett 26.03.2026 34min

  What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and poet Kate Heskett, whose story appears in the new anthology Pillow Talk, a collection of real, raw, awkward, and hilarious experiences of sex, intimacy, and desire. Kate shares what it was like to show up alone to their very first swingers hotel takeover, the anxiety, ...
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  Metamours, Friendship, and the Myth of Instant Kitchen Table Polyamory, EP. 149 19.03.2026 14min

  What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? Do you have to be instant best friends… or even chosen family… with your partner’s partner? In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the real emotional pacing of metamour connections. From the pressure to create “kitchen table polyamory” right away, to the importance of chemistry, play, and nervous system safety, this conversation offers grounded insight for anyone navigating polyamory, open relationship...
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  NRE: Why New Relationship Energy Feels So Good (and Why You Should Slow Down) EP. 148 12.03.2026 20min

  New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood. In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your brain and body during those early stages of attraction, and why the dopamine-fueled excitement of a new connection can make people feel euphoric, obsessive, and sometimes a little reckless. You’ll learn: • The brain chemistry behind NRE • Why the intensity can l...
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  Resentment Is a Boundary Problem (And It’s Not What You Think) 26.02.2026 24min

  If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you. In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication. It’s usually about boundaries. Specifically: The boundary you didn’t setThe boundary you didn’t enforceOr the agreement your body never truly consented toSo many people in ethical non-monogamy confuse boundaries with rules, agreements, or ultimatums. When that happens, resen...
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  Poly Agony: The Mistakes, Repair, and Reality of Raising Kids While Open with Candace Sogren 19.02.2026 40min

  Non-monogamy isn’t just more love. It’s more feelings, more conversations, and sometimes… a lot more processing. In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and author of Poly Agony. She’s been ethically non-monogamous for over 20 years, raising a child in community, building non-traditional family structures, and living this life fully out loud. And we’re not talking about the cute, Instagram version of polyamory. We’re ...
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  Needs vs Wants in Non-Monogamy: There’s No Prize for Needing Less EP.145 12.02.2026 20min

  Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy? If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it. In this episode, we explore how trauma, people-pleasing, and polyamory culture can teach us to need less, and why you’re allowed to want more. There’s no prize for needing less. You’re not needy. You’re human. What You’ll Learn • Why “needs vs wants” is the wrong question to ask • How ch...
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  The Real Glow-Up: Self-Love, Desire, and Ethical Non-Monogamy with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, EP. 144 05.02.2026 39min

  Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating. A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self-worth. If you’ve ever thought: “Why am I confident everywhere else but spiraling in my relationship?” “Why does non-monogamy trigger my insecurities?” “How do I feel secure and desirable while practicing ENM?” This episode is for you. Relat...
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  Saying Yes to Non-Monogamy with Natalie Davis, EP. 143 29.01.2026 46min

  What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned… but something you found your way into? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author of the memoir Saying Yes: My Adventures in Non-monogamy. Natalie shares her deeply human journey from a traditional, long-term monogamous marriage through infidelity, swinging, and polyamory, and how that path eventually led to building a chosen family that includes her partner and her metamou...
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  Jealousy Is Shame in Disguise (And That Changes Everything) Ep. 142 22.01.2026 11min

  Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure. And it’s almost never about your partner. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist: the way we experience jealousy is strikingly similar to the way we experience money shame. Both are rooted in scarcity. Both are tied to safety, worth, and fear of loss. And both get way more painful when we shame ourselves for feeling them. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why jealousy i...