Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger

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• 88 - Online Anger Management vs Face-to-Face Programs (From Someone Who's Run 2,000+ Sessions) 06.07.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Online anger management or face-to-face programs. Which one actually works better?After running more than 2,000 face-to-face anger management groups, over 10,000 individual counseling sessions, and nearly a decade of online anger management training, I've seen firsthand what helps people create lasting change, and what causes them to lose momentum.In this episode, I compare traditional face-to-face anger management programs with online programs, including the strengths and weaknesses of each approach. You'll learn why retention is often the biggest challenge in group-based programs, how repetition and self-paced learning accelerate progress, and why many people achieve better results when they can revisit lessons whenever they need to.I also explain an overlooked benefit of online anger management: the ability for partners to learn together. When both people understand the same tools, language, and strategies, it can dramatically improve communication and reduce conflict at home.If you're trying to decide between an online anger management program and a face-to-face course, this episode will help you choose the option that's most likely to work for your situation.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper, and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 87 - Why You're Still Losing It - Even After Trying Everything 29.06.2026 14хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.If your anger keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to control it, the problem may not be your effort. It may be the mistakes that keep you trapped in the same anger cycle.Most people approach anger management by focusing on what happens after they lose control. They try to stop the outbursts, suppress the emotion or avoid situations that trigger them. But lasting anger control comes from understanding why anger keeps returning in the first place.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs breaks down seven common mistakes that prevent people from making real progress with anger management. We explore why treating symptoms instead of the root cause keeps you stuck, why suppressing anger often makes things worse, and how blaming other people gives away your power. You'll also learn how to identify the early warning signs of anger before it escalates, how negative self-talk fuels emotional reactions, why unrealistic expectations create unnecessary frustration and why trying to solve everything alone often slows progress.The goal isn't to become someone who never feels angry. The goal is to understand what's driving your anger, develop healthier emotional responses, and gain the skills needed to stay in control when life doesn't go as planned. If you've ever wondered why anger keeps coming back despite your best efforts, this episode will help you identify what's really standing in the way.The Anger Management Podcast helps people gain control over destructive anger, stop losing their temper and create calmer, healthier relationships. Hosted by Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System and founder of Anger Secrets.Resources & Next Steps:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 86 - How to Tell If You Have Anger Issue 22.06.2026 10хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be causing real problems in your life. Whether it is a short fuse that surprises even you, relationships where someone walks on eggshells, or a quiet part of you wondering if others might be right, this episode helps you look honestly at where you stand.Rather than offering generic reassurance, Alastair walks through each sign with honesty and care, making clear that recognising the problem is not a weakness. It is the starting point for change. And the good news is that most people do not need years of therapy to turn this around. They need the right tools and a willingness to look clearly at their patterns.Key Takeaways:Anger itself is not the problem. The problem is when it gets expressed in ways that hurt you or the people around you. That is the line worth paying attention to.Your body often knows you are angry before your mind does. A clenched jaw, a racing heart, tension in your shoulders. Learning to read these signals early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it.Frequently regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal. If you are regularly apologising and wishing you could unsay things, your anger is getting ahead of you.The person holding a grudge suffers more than anyone else. Letting go is not about excusing what someone did. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of carrying it.If someone in your life has told you that your anger is a problem, take it seriously. It takes courage to say that to someone. They risked your reaction because they care enough to try.Resources & Next Steps: If you recognised yourself in any of these seven signs, here is where to start:Take the free Anger QuizAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 85 - She Grew Up Surrounded by Violence. Here's How She Finally Broke the Cycle. 15.06.2026 13хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs speaks with Fiona, a small business owner and mother who came to him carrying anger rooted in childhood. Whether it is anger with a partner who walks away mid-conversation, frustration at feeling unheard, or patterns that stretch back decades, Fiona's story will feel familiar to many listeners. In just seven weeks, she made changes significant enough that her husband noticed without being asked.Rather than accepting that her past defined her future, Fiona focused on one question: what can she actually control? Alastair walks through her journey, the tools that helped most and what her story means for anyone who feels stuck in the same cycles.Key Takeaways:You cannot control how other people communicate, but you can control how you respond. That shift in focus is often where real change begins.Your tension scale is one of the most practical tools you have. Learning to notice where you are on it early gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.The thoughts and feelings model is not just theory. Once you understand that your thoughts shape your feelings, you can start to interrupt the pattern rather than being swept along by it.Change is possible even when the starting point is difficult. Fiona came from a background of violence and still made meaningful progress in seven weeks. Your history does not have to determine your future.And the good news is that the skills you build to manage anger with one person carry across into every area of your life. Fiona found the same tools helped her handle old family wounds surfacing in new situations.Resources & Next Steps: If Fiona's story sounds familiar and you are ready to start making changes of your own, here is where to begin:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 84 - When Someone Explodes at You - Here's How to Stay in Control 08.06.2026 11хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most common and difficult situations people face: what to do when someone else completely loses it at you. Whether it is a partner who blames you, a colleague who unloads or anyone who fires anger in your direction, Alastair walks through why the automatic reactions of firing back or shutting down both make things worse, and what to do instead.Rather than offering vague advice about staying calm, Alastair shares five clear, practical strategies you can actually use in the moment. And the good news is that none of these require the other person to change. You only need to work on yourself.Key Takeaways:Staying calm when someone loses their temper is not weakness. It is the most powerful thing you can do. It is hard for someone to sustain rage when the person across from them is not feeding it.Most of the time, someone's anger is not really about you. They may be exhausted, overwhelmed, or struggling, and you are simply the safe person they unload on. Reminding yourself of this creates distance from the heat.Anger is usually just the surface. Beneath it is almost always something softer, hurt, fear, or feeling unheard. When you respond to what is underneath rather than what is on top, everything shifts.A boundary is not a threat. It is a calm, clear statement of what you will and will not accept. Setting one without heat lands very differently than setting one while you are already escalated.Not all anger is the same. If what you are experiencing crosses into verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, the strategies shared today are not enough on their own. Please reach out for real support.Resources & Next Steps: If you want to feel more in control the next time someone loses their temper at you, here is where to start.Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 83 - The Real Reason You Can't Control Your Anger (It's Not What You Think) 01.06.2026 10хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the real reason your anger feels uncontrollable, and why the answer is rarely about the person or situation in front of you. Whether it is a partner who says the wrong thing, a child who ignores you or a stranger who cuts you off in traffic, Alastair walks through why the same trigger can send you over the edge one day and barely register the next.Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair shares three practical steps that build on each other and address the root of the problem, not just the surface. And the good news is these are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.Key Takeaways:Your anger is not caused by what happens to you. It is caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and the reaction changes with it.Your body knows you are angry before your mind does. Learning to notice your early warning signs, a tight jaw, a racing heart, a shift in your thoughts, gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate.Beneath the surface of most anger is a rigid belief. Beliefs about fairness, respect, and what you deserve. Once you can see the belief clearly, you can begin to question it, and when the belief shifts, the pattern of anger shifts with it.Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in any relationship. When someone feels truly heard, defensiveness drops and real conversation becomes possible.These are skills, not fixed parts of who you are. With practice, catching anger earlier, examining your beliefs, and communicating calmly will all become more natural.Resources & Next Steps:If you are ready to understand what is really driving your anger and start making lasting changes, here is where to go next.Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 82 - Why You Keep Yelling at Your Kids (Even When You're Trying Not To) 25.05.2026 12хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs tackles one of the most common and most painful patterns parents face: knowing your anger is a problem, trying to change and finding yourself right back where you started. Whether you have made promises to your kids that didn't hold, tried parenting tips that worked for a week and then faded, or felt the shame of yelling again after genuinely trying not to, this episode is for you.Rather than offering generic parenting advice, Alastair gets to the root of why the same triggers keep setting parents off and walks through practical, specific strategies that actually change the pattern. And the good news is, this is not about willpower. Once you understand what is really driving your anger in those moments, everything becomes more manageable.Key Takeaways:Your child's behaviour is rarely the real cause of your anger. On a good day, spilled cereal gets a calm response. On a hard day, it triggers an explosion. The difference is what is already happening inside you, not what your child did.Before you react, take ten seconds to ask yourself what you are actually feeling. Overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed about something else entirely. Getting honest about what is yours and what is theirs is the first step to real change.Vague rules create conflict. Kids need specifics, not instructions like "be good" or "don't interrupt." When you give them a clear action to take instead, there is far less room for the kind of friction that tips you over the edge.Catch your kids doing something right. Children get attention when they misbehave and silence when they behave well. Specific praise for good behaviour teaches them what to do, not just what to avoid, and makes cooperation more rewarding than conflict.Say how you feel, not what they are. Telling a child they are difficult or that they never listen teaches them something is wrong with them. An I statement focuses on your feelings and keeps the conversation open instead of shutting it down.Sometimes the person who needs the timeout is you. When you feel the heat rising and you are about to say something you will regret, stepping away and saying "I need a minute" is not weakness. It is emotional intelligence, and your kids will learn it by watching you do it.You do not have to figure this out alone. Seeking help for your anger is not a last resort. It is what parents who care the most tend to do. Understanding what is driving your anger makes the pattern far easier to change.Resources & Next Steps: If you are ready to stop yelling and start feeling calmer and more connected with your kids:Book a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 81 - He Thought He Didn't Have an Anger Problem. His Marriage Told a Different Story. 18.05.2026 17хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Matthew, a 32-year-old husband, stepfather and small business owner who came to the program eight weeks ago stuck in a cycle of explosive arguments with his wife. Whether you bring frustration home from a long day and take it out on the people closest to you, or you know your anger needs to change but have not quite found the words for it yet, this conversation will feel familiar.Rather than talking about anger in abstract terms, Matthew shares what actually shifted for him, from recognising where he sits on the tension scale before things escalate, to seeing his wife as a teammate rather than an opponent. And the good news is, eight weeks was enough to start rebuilding the trust that anger had been quietly eroding.Key Takeaways:Anger does not always look the way people expect. Matthew saw himself as a good husband and father. But frustration was building beneath the surface, and the people closest to him were bearing the brunt of it.When everything else is getting to you, it is easy to make your partner the enemy. Matthew's shift came when he stopped seeing his wife as the opponent and started seeing them as a team facing a common challenge together.Your thoughts do not have to become your actions. Matthew learned that having a difficult thought is not the problem. What matters is whether you act on it. Slowing down between the thought and the response is where real change begins.The Tension Scale is a practical tool, not a theory. Asking yourself where you are on the scale in the moment gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Matthew uses it daily, including in Auckland traffic.Writing things down makes the work stick. Matthew keeps a journal of his notes and progress. Seeing the changes on paper reinforces that the work is real, not just something that feels good in the moment.Short sessions throughout the day work better than one long sit-down. Matthew fits the course around a busy life in small pockets of time. That consistency, he says, is what keeps the tools fresh and usable when they are actually needed.Role modelling matters more than most fathers realise. Matthew is more open with his stepson about his own vulnerabilities than his father was with him. He wants his son to grow up knowing it is okay to feel things, and to have somewhere to take those feelings.Resources & Next Steps: If Matthew's story sounds familiar and you are ready to break the pattern:Book a FREE 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System
• 80 - The STOP Method: How to Control Anger Before It Controls You 11.05.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces the STOP model: a simple, four-step tool you can use anywhere, anytime, the moment you feel anger starting to rise. Whether it's your partner, a driver cutting you off or your kid doing that thing again, the window between feeling angry and acting on it is smaller than most people think. This episode is about how to use that window.Rather than offering advice that only works when you're calm, Alastair walks through a practical tool designed specifically for the heat of the moment, and explains exactly why it works on a physiological level, not just a psychological one. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.Key Takeaways:The moment between feeling angry and acting on it is where everything happens. Without a deliberate pause, you don't have a choice, you just react. The STOP model is how you create that pause.Slow, deep breathing isn't just calming advice, it's physiology. It activates your body's natural calming system and directly counteracts the stress response that anger triggers.Practicing deep breathing in low-stakes moments means the habit is already there when the pressure is really on. Don't wait until you're angry to try it for the first time.Observing your anger rather than acting on it creates distance between you and the feeling. You're no longer inside it. You're watching it. And that shift changes everything.The right question before you respond is: what is the most useful way to handle this right now? Reacting with anger is almost never the answer, even when you're right.A physical reminder: a sticky note, a card in your wallet, sounds almost too simple. But a visual cue in the right place at the right time can interrupt the automatic pattern before it starts.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 79 - Why Your Partner Stops Talking to You (And How to Fix It) 04.05.2026 10хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three concrete steps for communicating more effectively with your partner, especially when things get heated. Whether you're the one who shuts down in an argument or the one who keeps pushing to be heard, the problem is rarely what's being said. It's how people are listening, and how they express themselves when the stakes feel high.Rather than offering vague advice about being a better communicator, Alastair walks through three practical tools you can use in your next difficult conversation. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice.Key Takeaways:Most people think they're good listeners. Most people are wrong. In a tense conversation, the majority are just waiting for their turn to talk. Your partner can feel the difference.Active listening means being fully present. Not fixing, not advising, not preparing your response. Your only job is to understand what your partner is actually saying and feeling.Asking questions like "How did you feel about that?" or "Can you tell me more?" shifts a conversation from confrontational to collaborative. When people feel heard, the defensiveness drops.The DESC model gives you a four-part structure for expressing yourself without aggression: Describe the situation, Explain your feelings, Suggest what you'd like and give the positive Consequences of that solution.How you say something matters as much as what you say. The same concern delivered differently can either start a fight or start a real conversation.Effective negotiation means both people feel heard before any solution is proposed. A solution you've both shaped together is one you'll both actually follow through on.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support communicating more effectively and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 78 - Why You Keep Getting Triggered 27.04.2026 10хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most important questions in anger management: Why does that specific thing set you off? Whether it's a tone of voice, a passing comment or something so small you couldn't even explain it afterwards, your anger triggers are personal, patterned and almost always connected to something deeper than the moment itself.Rather than offering generic advice about staying calm, Alastair walks through the most common triggers he's seen across 30 years of working with clients, and gives you four practical tools to start understanding and managing your own. And the good news is that once you can see your patterns clearly, you have something you didn't have before: Choice.Key Takeaways:An anger trigger is like a button. When it gets pressed, the anger response fires almost automatically. But the button is yours, and you can learn to understand it.Anger triggers are deeply personal. What sends one person over the edge barely registers for someone else. The most common ones include feeling disrespected, experiencing injustice, having boundaries crossed, and feeling criticised or judged.Most triggers aren't really about what's happening in the moment. They're connected to something older: past experiences, deeper fears, wounds that never fully healed. That's why a small comment can land like a much bigger attack.Keeping an Anger Diary is one of the most powerful tools for understanding your patterns. Writing down what happened, who was involved and what you felt physically helps you see that it's not everything that triggers you: it's specific situations and specific feelings.Your anger doesn't arrive fully formed. There are always early warning signs: physical, emotional, mental. Learning to catch them early gives you a window to intervene before things escalate.Cognitive reframing means questioning the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Choosing a more balanced interpretation can dramatically reduce the intensity of what you feel.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support understanding your anger triggers and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 77 - What Healthy Anger Actually Looks Like 20.04.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs challenges the idea that anger is always the problem. Whether you've spent years trying to suppress your anger or you're someone who's watched it destroy the things that matter to you, this episode reframes what anger actually is, and what it can be when it's handled well.Rather than treating anger as something to be eliminated, Alastair draws a clear line between healthy anger and unmanaged anger, and explains why that distinction changes everything. The goal isn't to feel less. It's to choose what you do with what you feel.Key Takeaways:Anger isn't the enemy. Unmanaged anger is. Every emotion exists for a reason, and anger is no different. The question was never whether you'll feel it. It's what you do with it.Healthy anger is not suppression. Swallowing it down and pretending everything is fine isn't health. It's avoidance. Real healthy anger means expressing what you feel assertively, not aggressively.The pause before you respond is everything. Asking yourself "what is really bothering me here?" shifts you from reacting to choosing, and that shift changes the outcome entirely.Using "I statements" instead of accusations opens conversations rather than starting fights. "I felt hurt when my idea wasn't acknowledged" lands completely differently than "you stole my idea."Healthy anger is solution-focused, not victory-focused. The goal is to move forward together, not to prove you were right.Forgiveness isn't forgetting. It's refusing to let old anger live rent free in your head. Holding onto it almost always hurts you more than anyone else.Resources & Next Steps:If you'd like support managing your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 76 - The One Thing Happy Couples Do That Others Don't 13.04.2026 10хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the single most important factor in whether a relationship will thrive or fall apart: And it's not chemistry, compatibility or even love. Drawing on research from relationship psychology, Alastair explains why friendship is the foundation everything else is built on, and how it shapes the way couples handle conflict, criticism and the small friction of everyday life.Rather than offering generic relationship advice, Alastair introduces two powerful concepts: Positive and Negative Sentiment Override. These explain why the exact same argument can feel like nothing in one relationship and everything in another. And the good news is, friendship is something you can choose to rebuild, starting today.Key Takeaways:Research shows that only three out of ten couples who marry go on to have a genuinely happy, long-term relationship. The single factor that predicts success more than any other is whether each person sees their partner as their best friend.Positive Sentiment Override acts as a buffer. When the friendship is strong, small irritations don't land as attacks. You assume good intent and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.Negative Sentiment Override flips that entirely. When the overall feeling in a relationship has turned negative, even a two-minute phone call can start a fight. It's not the event. It's the lens you're seeing it through.Letting your partner influence you is one of the most important friendship habits in a relationship. Making decisions that affect both of you without genuine, fair negotiation slowly erodes trust and connection.Expressing appreciation frequently matters more than most people realise. Negative interactions hit harder than positive ones, so the ratio needs to stay high: around five positive interactions for every one negative.Turning towards your partner in small everyday moments, laughing at their jokes, acknowledging what they say, validating their view, is what keeps friendship alive between the big conversations.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support building a calmer, stronger, more connected relationship:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 75 - How to Rebuild Your Relationship After Separation 06.04.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through five practical steps for rebuilding a relationship after a separation caused by anger. Whether you're the one who's just watched your partner walk out, or you're months into a separation and wondering if there's any way back, this episode gives you a clear, honest roadmap for what comes next.Rather than offering empty reassurances or quick fixes, Alastair is direct about what real reconciliation actually requires, from both people. And the good news is that when the work is done properly, what comes out the other side is often something stronger than what existed before.Key Takeaways:Dealing with your anger has to come first. If anger isn't genuinely addressed, nothing else in the relationship can be repaired. Your partner knows it, and deep down, you probably do too.Accepting responsibility means understanding the full impact of your behavior on the people you love. Most people with anger issues don't realise how deep that impact goes until they stop and truly look.Letting your partner take the lead on when to reestablish contact is essential. Rushing this step often does more damage. Some couples wait months, and that's okay.Words alone won't rebuild trust. Your partner needs to see real evidence of change, consistently, in small unplanned moments over time — not just when things are easy.The goal isn't to go back to the relationship you had. It's to build something new, something that couldn't exist before because the work hadn't been done yet.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support rebuilding your relationship and managing your anger for good:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
• 74 - Why Anger Keeps Destroying Your Relationship (And How to Stop It) 30.03.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Anger in a relationship doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. But without the right tools, the same arguments keep happening, the same damage keeps building — and eventually, something breaks. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares four practical things you can start doing this week to change the way anger shows up in your relationship.In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through four key areas, from understanding your triggers to remembering you and your partner are on the same team, giving you a clear, actionable roadmap for lasting change.Key Takeaways:Understanding your anger triggers is the foundation. But without knowing what sets you off, those triggers run the show without youTalking openly about issues before they build is the difference between a conversation and an explosion. A weekly relationship check-in is a simple tool that makes this possibleStress and anger are directly linked. Managing your stress levels outside the relationship directly reduces conflict inside itMost arguments feel like battles because we're trying to win. Shifting from "convince" to "understand" is where real resolution livesBoth people in a conflict have valid perspectives. Seeking to understand your partner's view almost always leads them to seek yours in return.If anger has been damaging your relationship, this episode gives you four clear places to start, and the perspective to make them stick.Links referenced in this episode: angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
• 73 - How to Stop a Fight Before It Does Real Damage 23.03.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.You're in the middle of an argument with your partner. Your heart is racing, things are escalating and you can feel it heading somewhere neither of you wants to go. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces one of the most important relationship skills you've probably never been taught - relationship repair.In this solo episode, Alastair breaks down exactly what relationship repair is, why it matters and how to use it in the heat of the moment to stop conflict before it does lasting damage to your relationship.Key Takeaways:Relationship repair (a concept developed by Dr. John Gottman) is the ability to recognise when an argument is escalating and take steps to redirect it before real damage is doneThe first skill is awareness: tuning into your own physical and emotional signals before things spiralReminding yourself that your relationship matters more than the argument is a mindset shift that changes everythingRepair attempts - a soft tone, an I-statement, a request for a break, even humour or a touch - can turn a conflict around in secondsAccepting your partner's repair attempts is just as important as making your ownThe goal isn't to never disagree. It's to disagree in a way that doesn't damage what you've built togetherIf conflict in your relationship keeps escalating further than it should, this episode gives you the tools to change that, starting with your very next argument.Links referenced in this episode: angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
• 72 - Why You Overreact To Small Things 16.03.2026 9хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Have you ever completely lost it over something small, a dish in the sink or a towel on the floor, and then felt embarrassed afterward because you knew, deep down, it wasn't really about the dish? In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explains why small things trigger such big reactions, and what you can do to stop it.In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through the real reasons minor irritations escalate into major explosions and shares three practical tools to help you let go of the small stuff before it damages your relationship.Key Takeaways:Small triggers are rarely the real issue. They're usually the outlet for unspoken frustrations or unmet needs building underneathAn overdeveloped need for control can make minor disruptions feel catastrophicPausing before you respond, even for just a breath or two, creates the gap where self-control livesAsking "will this matter in a year?" is a simple but powerful way to regain perspective in the momentPractising gratitude regularly builds resilience and shrinks the power of daily irritationsKnowing what truly matters in life makes it easier to release what doesn'tIf small things are costing you big arguments, this episode gives you the perspective shift and practical tools to start changing that today.Links referenced in this episode: -angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management-angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle-angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
• 71 - The 4 Behaviors That Predict Divorce (And How to Stop Them) 09.03.2026 14хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.You might think anger is your biggest relationship problem. You work hard on staying calm, bite your tongue, you try all the techniques. But while you're focused on not losing your temper, four quieter behaviors are slowly destroying your relationship.In this episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy—and most couples don't even know they're doing them.Drawing on Dr. John Gottman's decades of relationship research, Alastair walks you through what Gottman called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse"—the specific communication patterns that poison relationships over time. More importantly, he shows you the exact antidotes to each pattern and how controlling your anger is the key to breaking these destructive cycles before they kill your connection.Key Takeaways:Whether couples stay together or divorce isn't about how often they fight or even about anger—it's about four specific behaviors that quietly poison relationships over time.Criticism attacks who your partner is as a person (not just what they did), sending the devastating message "I have a problem with who you are, not just what you've done."Defensiveness escalates every conflict by turning discussions into fights about who's right—excuses, justifications, and counter-attacks prevent you from actually hearing your partner.Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce—eye rolling, mocking, sarcasm, talking down to your partner, and communicating from a position of superiority all signal contempt.Stonewalling (shutting down, silent treatment, walking out mid-conversation) makes your partner feel abandoned and creates distance faster than almost anything else.If you've been working on your anger but your relationship still feels strained, this episode reveals the hidden patterns that might be doing the real damage—and exactly how to stop them.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
• 70 - The Listening Skill That Prevents 90% of Arguments 02.03.2026 11хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Think about the last argument you had with your partner. It probably started innocently enough—just a conversation about their day, a decision you needed to make, something simple. But somewhere along the way, things went sideways. You got defensive, they got frustrated and suddenly you were fighting. In this practical episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the real problem: you probably weren't listening.After 30 years of observing couples communicate, Alastair has identified the exact pattern that turns ordinary conversations into arguments. More importantly, he shares the four active listening skills that will simply stop 90% of your conflicts before they even start. This isn't about being polite or nodding along—it's about preventing conflict at its source.Key Takeaways:Most arguments don't happen because of the topic being discussed—they happen because of how you're listening (or not listening).Active listening is focused, attentive, and non-judgmental—you're fully present, making eye contact, and keeping the focus on your partner no matter what they say.The fatal pattern: most people don't actually listen, they're just preparing their rebuttal, thinking about their own point, turning conversation into competition.Minimal encouragers (simple sounds like "yes," "I see," "go on," or nodding) show your partner you're engaged and help them relax and open up.Ask open-ended questions about feelings, not just facts—shift from "Did you have a good day?" to "How was your day?" and "How did that make you feel?"Summarize or reframe what your partner said in your own words to validate their experience and build trust while avoiding defensiveness.Give positive feedback with supportive phrases like "I can understand why you'd feel that way" or "That sounds really tough" to create a cycle of better communication.If arguments keep erupting in your relationship and you can't figure out why, this episode gives you four simple but powerful skills to transform how you communicate and remove the competition, defensiveness and need to be right.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System
• 69 - Why Most People Fail At Anger Management 23.02.2026 13хв

  For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.Why do most people who try to control their anger end up failing? It's not because they lack good intentions or because the techniques don't work. In this powerful solo episode of The Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs reveals the single most important step that separates those who successfully transform their lives from those who give up within weeks.After 30 years of working with over 15,000 people, Alastair shares the one question that predicts success or failure with startling accuracy. Through raw, honest answers from real clients who've broken free from destructive anger patterns, you'll discover why clarity matters more than willpower, and how your "why" becomes the anchor that carries you through every hard moment ahead.Key Takeaways:The difference between success and failure isn't intelligence or willpower—it's clarity about why controlling your anger matters to you personally.Vague answers like "I should" or "to be a better person" predict failure, while specific, emotionally honest answers predict success.Powerful motivations include: saving your marriage, breaking generational cycles, protecting your children from fear, and refusing to become the parent you swore you'd never be.People who succeed can answer "Why do you want to control your anger?" with emotional clarity and specificity—they know exactly what's at stake.Your reason becomes your anchor: when everything in you wants to lash out, it reminds you what matters more than being right in that moment.Change doesn't start with techniques—it starts with knowing your "why" and being brutally honest about the damage your anger is causing.If you've been struggling to control your anger and can't figure out why nothing seems to stick, this episode will give you the missing piece that makes everything else work.Links referenced in this episode:angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger managementangersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycleangersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System