On Attachment

#261: Sex, Intimacy, and Attachment Styles 02.06.2026 21хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelHow do our attachment patterns influence our relationship to — and experience of — sex and intimacy? That's what we're exploring in today's podcast deep dive. We'll cover how each attachment style relates to sex, common sensitivities and pain points, and what the sexual relationship looks like over the life cycle of the relationship. We'll also touch on common sexual struggles in anxious-avoidant dynamics specifically.LinksFree training on anxious attachmentFree resources for attachment healing

#260: Can You Become Anxiously Attached from Dating an Avoidant Person? (Ask Steph) 28.05.2026 9хв

Subscribe to my YouTube channelIs it possible to become anxiously attached as a result of dating someone with avoidant patterns? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about how our patterns can arise in response to someone else's, while also acknowledging fundamental differences in how people with secure vs. insecure attachment styles tend to respond to dysfunctional behaviour.LinksFree training for anxious attachment Follow me on InstagramTake my attachment styles quiz

#259: How to Communicate with a Defensive Partner 26.05.2026 17хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelDoes your partner get defensive easily, even when you feel like you weren't being attacking or critical? If so, today's episode is for you. Being on the receiving end of someone's chronic defensiveness can be extremely frustrating and disheartening, and it can feel like a real block to connection. But the way we typically respond — by making someone wrong for their defensiveness — can entrench the very pattern we're hoping to shift. LinksFree workshop on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamicsUnderstanding Your Avoidant Partner courseSecure Together couples course

#258: When Your Partner Isn't Respecting Your Boundaries (Ask Steph) 21.05.2026 9хв

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel How do you navigate a situation where your partner isn't respecting the boundaries that you've set? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. Boundaries can be fraught for those of us with insecure attachment patterns, and it's easy to swing between demands and capitulation — neither of which are particularly helpful. We'll talk about how to reorient to what is within your control rather than making repeated pleas of someone else to change their behaviour to accommodate you, which is a recipe for frustration and resentment. LinksFree anxious attachment healing workshopFree resources for attachment healingTake my attachment quiz

#257: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 2) 19.05.2026 18хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelToday's episode is a follow-up from last week's deep dive into fearful avoidant attachment. This week, we're looking at the fearful avoidant in relationships — how these patterns play out, how that changes over the lifecycle of a relationship, and how it can differ based on the other person's attachment style. LinksUnderstanding Your Avoidant Partner CourseFree resources for attachment healingTake my attachment style quiz

#256: How to Balance Accepting Your Partner & Supporting Their Growth (Ask Steph) 14.05.2026 11хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's Ask Steph episode, we're talking about how to balance accepting your partner for who they are, while also encouraging them to grow. This is a delicate dance for many of us, and can reveal our own patterns of wanting to fix and save people. We'll talk about where the healthy middle lies between acceptance and change, and how you can create a relational environment that supports growth.LinksFree resources for attachment healingTake my attachment styles quiz

#255: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 1) 12.05.2026 17хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into the fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We're talking about where it originates, and what some of the core belief systems are that drive fearful avoidant patterns. Make sure you're following or subscribed to the show to catch Part 2 next week, where we explore how the fearful avoidant attachment style shows up in relationships.LinksCheck out my free attachment healing resourcesTake my attachment quiz

#254: Healthy Privacy vs. Unhealthy Secrecy in Relationships (Ask Steph) 07.05.2026 12хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelWhat's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into the difference between privacy and secrecy, as well as on how this interfaces with the anxious need for information and the avoidant need for autonomy. ResourcesFree resources for anxious attachmentTake my attachment quizFollow me on Instagram

#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships 05.05.2026 20хв

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism shows up for anxiously attached people, how that differs from folks with avoidant patterns, and what it looks like to release the grip of perfectionism and find greater compassion and acceptance — for ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.LinksFree resources for anxious attachmentFollow me on Instagram

#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph) 30.04.2026 8хв

How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to access when we're in a challenging season, the mistaken belief that self-compassion removes accountability, and how we can start to cultivate more kindness and self-validation when we need it most. ResourcesFree resources for healing anxious attachmentSubscribe to my YouTube channel

#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing 21.04.2026 15хв

In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, movement, and creating a supportive home environment — while also being mindful of what we don’t do, like overscheduling or saying yes from pressure. Subscribe to my YouTube channelFree resources for anxious attachment

#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph) 16.04.2026 12хв

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself. The more meaningful question is why we stay engaged in dynamics that leave us feeling uncertain, rather than stepping back and asking whether this meets our needs. ⁠Subscribe to my YouTube Channel⁠Explore my free resourcesFollow me on Instagram

#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup 14.04.2026 18хв

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to be in survival mode, there are small but powerful ways you can support yourself through this time rather than getting swept up in the chaos.I share a practical roadmap for what to focus on (and what to avoid), so you can move through this chapter with more intention, self-respect, and care.We cover:Why the early days after a breakup can feel so destabilisingThe two common nervous system responses: anxiety and shutdownHow to create a supportive, calming environment for yourselfThe importance of maintaining basic self-care and routinesWhy boundaries (especially no contact) are so importantThe impact of screen time, social media, and ruminationHow to approach this period with intention rather than survival modeBeginning the process of reconnecting with yourself✨ Free break-up training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up

#248: How to Cope With My Ex Being Happy in a New Relationship (Ask Steph) 09.04.2026 11хв

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of rumination and back into your own power.We cover: Why seeing your ex move on can feel like “salt in the wound”The different ways anxious and avoidant people process breakupsWhy your ex’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your worthThe illusion of their new relationship “working”How new relationship energy can mask underlying patternsThe impact of comparison, rumination, and self-doubtWhy focusing on your ex keeps you stuckHow to set boundaries and reclaim your energyResourcesFor free resources on break-ups and anxious attachment, click here.Check out my break-up course Higher Love here

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship? 07.04.2026 14хв

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.We cover:Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of ruminationThe role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachmentThe middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by themWhy relationship dynamics are almost always co-createdExamples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship aroundHow inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patternsThe importance of zooming out and looking at the big pictureWhen anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignmentResourcesFree training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love

#246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an Ex? (Ask Steph) 02.04.2026 8хв

In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.We discuss:Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so commonWhen friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hopeThe role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakupHow to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here

#245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid Avoidants? 31.03.2026 10хв

In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections.I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship.Explore my website + free resources here.

#244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore? (Ask Steph) 26.03.2026 7хв

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

#243: How to Create Healthy, Balanced Relationships with Nedra Glover Tawwab 24.03.2026 43хв

In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.But what does the middle ground actually look like?Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.We also unpack:Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human needHow codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptationsThe role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationshipsWhy over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuckHow to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energyThe importance of having multiple sources of connection and supportWhy doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationshipsNedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:InstagramWebsitePurchase her new book, The Balancing Act

#242: When Does Self-Improvement Become Self-Sabotage? (Ask Steph) 19.03.2026 6хв

In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy.In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck.I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are.Linksstephanierigg.cominstagram.com/stephanie__rigg