Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners

Episodes

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  The Old Money Library: Beyond Decor – Sociology, Psychology & Secret Reads 27.07.2026 1h 3m

  Unlock the Secrets of the Old Money Library: More Than Just Decor Dive into a captivating exploration of the "Old Money Library," where books are far more than mere objects – they are powerful social signifiers, reflecting generations of taste, privilege, and cultivated intellect. In this fascinating episode, host Kiki Astor, your "Auntie Kiki," unveils the nuanced world of aristocratic reading, contrasting the "performative page-turner" of influencer culture with the authentic, lived-in collections of true old money. Discover the hidden sociology behind high-society book clubs, often serving as subtle battlegrounds for social capital, and journey into the exclusive "Cabana universe," where specific literary canons signal insider status among the global elite. Kiki shares closely guarded styling secrets from legendary decorators like Elsie de Wolfe and Nancy Mitford, revealing how to curate a library that whispers inherited elegance and effortless sophistication. But the revelations don't stop there. Auntie Kiki takes a delightful and cheeky detour into the "geography of the questionable read" – those scandalous romance novels, tell-all celebrity memoirs, and thrilling beach reads discreetly tucked away in bathrooms, guest rooms, and lake cottages. These private literary indulgences offer a psychological escape, proving that true old money style embraces a nuanced blend of intellectual display, mischievous self-awareness, and a delightfully scandalous past. Tune in to understand why a well-curated life, like a well-curated library, always leaves room for delightful surprises. Keywords: Old Money, Old Money Library, Cultural Capital, Book Clubs, Book Styling, Interior Design, Luxury Lifestyle, Etiquette, Elite Reading, Society Decor, Status Symbols, Discreet Luxury, Personal Library, Podcast, Kiki Astor, Sociology of Books, Psychology of Books. Show Notes: Episode Title: The Old Money Library: Beyond Decor – Sociology, Psychology & Secret Reads Host: Kiki Astor, your Auntie Kiki (Author, Bibliophile, ex-rich person, Old Money expert, Nouveau Pauvre ambassador) Episode Summary: In this captivating episode of "Awkward Etiquette, Old Money and New Manners," Kiki Astor delves deep into the fascinating world of the "Old Money Library." More than just decor, books are powerful social signifiers, revealing volumes about taste, privilege, and intellect. Auntie Kiki unpacks the stark contrast between "influencer reading" (books as props) and genuine "intellectual reading," exploring the sociology of the bookshelf, the subtle art of high-society book clubs, and the exclusive "Cabana universe" of elite literary signals. Discover closely guarded styling secrets from iconic decorators like Elsie de Wolfe and Nancy Mitford, learning how to curate a library that exudes inherited elegance and effortless sophistication. The episode also takes a delightful detour into the "geography of the questionable read," revealing the cheeky literary indulgences found in the private corners of old money homes. Tune in to uncover how books serve as silent ambassadors of a life well-lived, imbued with layers, secrets, and a delightfully scandalous past. Key Themes & Discussion Points: Books as Social Signifiers: How books communicate taste, sophistication, and status without a word in old money circles. Influencer vs. Intellectual Reading: The stark divide between aesthetic-driven book displays (props for social media) and genuine, lived-in intellectual engagement with literature. The Sociology of Book Clubs: High-society book clubs as networking events, intellectual jousting, and subtle social reaffirmation. Common Archetypes: The Literary Lioness, The Pseudo-Intellectual Progressive, The Inherited Taste Keeper, and The Quietly Judgmental One. Book Club Etiquette: Treating it as a conversation, reading the book, listening, criticizing the work not the person, and respecting the host. The Old Money Library Aesthetic: An accumulated, lived-in reflection of generational intellectual curiosity, not a staged display. Historical Context: Education and leisure as ultimate status symbols dating back to the Grand Tour. Marginalia: The ultimate sign of a well-used and cherished book. The "Unfinished Classics": The subtle flex of displaying daunting, multi-volume tomes that few actually finish. The Cabana Universe & Cultural Capital: An insular, self-referential ecosystem of books that signals elite insider status – a form of gatekeeping within high society. Key figures & publications: Martina Mondadori (Cabana Home), James Reginato, Rizzoli, Vendome. Decorator Bibles: How books by Billy Baldwin, David Hicks, Mario Buatta, and Edith Wharton anchor libraries to an older, more established timeline. Society Photographers: Peter Beard, Slim Aarons, and Oberto Gili (whose "studied carelessness" - sprezzatura - exemplifies counter-signaling). Styling Your Old Money Library: Elsie de Wolfe's Approach: Championing lightness, airiness, painted shelves, and aesthetic harmony. Nancy Mitford's Approach: Embracing dark wood, built-in shelves, organic accumulation, and inherited clutter with fluid grace. Practical Styling Tricks: Stacking books both vertically and horizontally, hanging small paintings directly in front of books, and using books as decorative pedestals. Books in Unexpected Places: Weaving intellectual engagement into the very fabric of daily life throughout the home. Kitchen: Classic cookbooks (Julia Child, Larousse Gastronomique) signalling a love for entertaining. Entryway: Curated coffee table books (Assouline Amalfi Coast) or local histories, offering an intellectual amuse-bouche. Guest Room Nightstand: Thoughtful, entertaining, but not overly demanding reads (classic novels, local poetry) as a sign of gracious hospitality. The Secret Library (The Geography of the Questionable Read): A look into the private spaces for cheeky, scandalous, or indulgent literature that offers psychological release from societal pressures. Bathroom Bookshelf: Romantic thrillers (Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl, Kiki Astor's Scarlet Fever/Midnight Blue), celebrity memoirs (Sarah Ferguson), and historical bodice-rippers (Jacqueline Susann's Valley of the Dolls). Guest Room Bookshelf: Witty satires (Evelyn Waugh, Nancy Mitford, Kiki Astor's upcoming The Heiress's Guide to Social Death), and niche design books (e.g., Vogue's Book of Houses, Parties, etc.). Lake/Beach House/Chalet Bookshelf: Vintage, escapist reads, mystery thrillers, and beach reads designed for unwinding. Hyper-Specific Stacks: Niche collections for polo enthusiasts, yacht aficionados, or fashionistas, often revealing self-aware humor. Thoughtful Gifting: The art of giving a thrilling, scandalous, or indulgent book to a host. Conclusion: The old money library is a nuanced construct balancing public intellectualism with private indulgence, reflecting inherited elegance and mischievous self-awareness. Mentioned Books & Authors: Rizzoli, Assouline, Taschen (coffee table book publishers) Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor (Sponsor's book, available on Amazon: Kindle, paperback, audiobook) The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (Edward Gibbon) Italian Journey (Goethe) War and Peace (Leo Tolstoy) Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy) Middlemarch (George Eliot) In Search of Lost Time (Marcel Proust) Ulysses (James Joyce) Hegel, Kant, Marx (philosophers) Great Houses, Modern Aristocrats (a book representing the Cabana universe) Billy Baldwin Decorates David Hicks on Decoration Mario Buatta, Anatomy of a Decorator The Decoration of Houses (Edith Wharton and Ogden Codman Jr.) Peter Beard (photographer) Slim Aarons (Once Upon a Time) Oberto Gili (Luxury of Space) The Wind in the Willows (Kenneth Grahame) Swallows and Amazons (Arthur Ransome) The Once and Future King (T.H. White) Sapiens (Yuval Noah Harari) Stalky & Co. (Rudyard Kipling) The Official Preppy Handbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking (Julia Child) Larousse Gastronomique Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) Brideshead Revisited (Evelyn Waugh) Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn) Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor My Story (Sarah Ferguson) Counting My Chickens (Duchess of Devonshire) Fifty Shades of Grey (E.L. James) The Heiress's Guide to Social Death by Kiki Astor (upcoming) Vile Bodies (Evelyn Waugh) Love in a Cold Climate (Nancy Mitford) The Great Houses of London Vogue's Book of Houses, Parties, etc. Valley of the Dolls (Jacqueline Susann) Peyton Place (Grace Metalious) Stick and Ball by Kiki Astor Service Entrance by Kiki Astor Jilly Cooper (author) Call to Action: Listen to Kiki Astor's previous episodes on "Exclusivity." Purchase Kiki Astor's latest book, Midnight Blue, available on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook formats! Join Auntie Kiki's exclusive mailing list for additional insights, including the full coffee table book list and old money library recommendations mentioned in this episode. Visit [Your Website Link Here] to sign up!
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  Decoding the Pictures on the Walls: Art, Class, and Collecting Like Old Money 20.07.2026 35m

  Decoding the Pictures on the Walls: Art, Class, and Collecting Like Old Money On The Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners podcast, Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) argues that art makes a home feel finished and functions as a "social biography," decoding class through cultural capital, provenance, and storytelling rather than price. Drawing on Pierre Bourdieu, Joseph Duveen's narrative-driven sales to American industrialists, and examples from Peggy Guggenheim to Van Gogh, she explains how reputations are built by networks of critics, curators, museums, collectors, and auction houses. She contrasts new money "buying names" with old money "collecting stories," discusses the role and limits of art advisors, and reflects on outsider art through her Van Beau anecdote. She offers practical guidance for budget collecting—asking better questions than price, evaluating composition and light, and buying via student shows, studios, estate sales, thrift stores, regional auctions, and overlooked mediums—plus a list of artists that read as chic. 00:00 Why Art Completes Homes 01:15 Decoding Wall Signals 03:01 Sponsor Story Break 04:43 Meet Auntie Kiki 06:14 Cultural Capital Basics 07:18 Provenance Over Price 09:12 Collectors Love Provocation 10:58 Who Decides Greatness 12:13 Van Beau Dumpster Tale 14:32 Value Versus Reputation 15:34 Old Money New Money Art 18:44 Homes As Autobiography 20:38 Art Advisors And Taste 22:48 Outsider Art And Myth 24:38 Art As Legacy Memory 26:58 How To Buy Like Collector 28:53 Budget Hunting Strategies 31:34 Chic Names To Drop 33:07 Old Money Art Phrases 33:42 Curiosity Over Trends 34:39 Wrap Up And Callouts 00:00 Why Art Completes Homes 01:37 Decoding Art as Status 03:01 Sponsor Story Break 06:14 Cultural Capital and Provenance 09:12 Unsettling Art and Conversation 10:58 Who Decides Greatness 12:13 Van Beau and Reputation 15:34 Old Money vs New Money 20:38 Art Advisors and Real Taste 22:48 Outsider Art and Ethics 24:38 Legacy and Why Art Matters 26:58 Collector Tips on a Budget 31:34 Chic Names and Art Language 33:42 Final Takeaways and Farewell  
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  The Old Money Guide to Photography: Etiquette, Aesthetics & Slim Aarons 13.07.2026 48m

  Have you ever wondered how to capture the effortless elegance of the old money aesthetic in your photographs? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating intersection of photography, lifestyle, and modern manners. From the stiff aristocratic oil portrait style photos of the past to the iconic, sun-drenched leisure captured by legendary photographer Slim Aarons, we decode the unwritten rules of taking, sharing, and displaying pictures. You will learn how to slimify your vacation snapshots without needing a private villa, the golden rules of smartphone photo etiquette to save your friendships, and how to decorate your home with personal memories without making it look cluttered or tacky. Put down the ring light, pour yourself a martini, and discover how to romanticize your everyday life while ensuring your photos remain perfectly timeless. COMPLETE SHOW NOTES EPISODE OVERVIEW Today we are turning our lens toward the ultimate guide to photography, etiquette, and the old money aesthetic. Whether you want to channel 1970s Palm Springs glamour or just want to know how to politely ask a friend not to post an unflattering photo of you, Auntie Kiki covers it all. We dive deep into the history of high-society photography and study the master of leisure, Slim Aarons, to learn how to capture attractive people doing attractive things in attractive places. WHAT YOU WILL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE A Short History of Old Money Photography We trace how wealthy families documented their legacies, transitioning from formal oil paintings and stiff Victorian daguerreotypes to Kodak society snapshots. Discover how the digital era has forced high society to adopt a discreet, understated online presence. Who Was Slim Aarons? A deep dive into the master of leisure photography. Learn how Slim Aarons defined the old money aesthetic by capturing candidly curated moments of high society in places like Palm Beach, Lake Como, and Gstaad. Iconic Photo Breakdown An analysis of classic Slim Aarons shots like Poolside Gossip, Holiday at the Villa, and Apres-Ski. Auntie Kiki explains why looking away from the camera, avoiding trendy fashion, and letting the setting do the heavy lifting are the ultimate visual flexes. How to Slimify Your Vacation Photos Actionable tips for romanticizing your life and capturing timeless, chic photos without a massive budget. Learn why you should ditch the ring light, embrace natural lighting, use elegant props like books or a bar cart, and wear classic linens and timeless silhouettes. Modern Photo Etiquette How to navigate the awkwardness of the digital age. Auntie Kiki shares the rules on asking for permission before snapping a pic, the massive faux pas of posting unflattering photos of your friends, and how to gracefully handle the situation when someone tags you in a terrible shot. Digital Good Manners The dos and don'ts of commenting on social media. Learn why you should never critique outfits or leave passive-aggressive comments, and why a curated highlight of three photos is always better than a twenty-seven photo hostage situation. Displaying Photos in Your Home The old money approach to interior design and family albums. Learn why discretion is key, which frames to choose (think tarnished silver, dark wood, or leather), and why sentiment belongs in intimate spaces like hallways and studies rather than formal public rooms. KEY TAKEAWAYS Posing is for people who do not belong. The trick to looking effortlessly wealthy is being caught mid-conversation or mid-recline without a single care in the world. Dress for timelessness. Avoid obvious logos, bright performance gear, and trendy fast fashion to ensure your photos age gracefully and never scream a specific year. Never sacrifice living in the present moment just to capture a photograph. Take your snapshot to commemorate the moment, then put your phone away. When displaying photos at home, less is more. Avoid overly matched gallery walls and massive flashy frames, opting instead for a few meaningful heritage or candid shots placed thoughtfully in private living areas.
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  Floating Status Symbols: Old Money Yachts, New Money Pontoons, and the Ultimate Guide to Boating Etiquette 06.07.2026 1h 4m

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners, Auntie Kiki dives deep into the fascinating sociology of boating and yachting. From the quiet elegance of old money sloops and classic Rivas to the loud, party-centric energy of new money mega yachts and pontoons, boats are the ultimate floating status symbol. We cover the unwritten rules of yacht etiquette—what to wear, how to behave on board, and the social climber faux pas you absolutely must avoid. Plus, learn the history of iconic vessels, the psychology behind boat names, and practical tips for renting yachts or capturing timeless nautical style and home decor on a budget. Show Notes Episode Highlights: [00:00] The Slim Aarons Standard: A look at the iconic 1983 photograph of Tullio Abbate and what it teaches us about effortless, unselfconscious luxury. [04:15] Old Money vs. New Money Boats: The cultural differences between understated family sloops, classic wooden Rivas, and loud, performative party boats. [09:30] Crucial Boating Etiquette: How to be the perfect boat guest. Rules on boarding, removing shoes, avoiding vanity, respecting the captain, and why you should never critique a docking maneuver. [17:45] The Social Climber on Board: Cautionary tales of bad behavior at sea, the danger of over-accessorizing, and tone-deaf hostess gifts. [21:10] Iconic Historical Yachts: From the Mayflower and the Titanic to Aristotle Onassis's Christina O and JFK's Honey Fitz. [28:00] The Psychology of Boat Names: What your boat's name says about your lineage, aspirations, or desire for attention. [32:30] The Yacht Rental Lifestyle: The pros and cons of chartering a yacht, why fraction ownership is a trap, and how to enjoy a boat day without the financial burden. [36:00] Accessible Nautical Style: How to incorporate maritime elegance into your wardrobe and home decor without looking like a coastal cliché. Mentioned in this Episode: Sponsor: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A thrilling tale of old money perfume dynasties and ancient curses. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Photography: Slim Aarons (Tullio Abbate 1983; Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc 1969). Book: Low Season in Saint-Tropez by Kiki Astor. Connect with Auntie Kiki: Have a mortifying boating story or an etiquette question? Email: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and share it with your friends!
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  Linen Literacy: A Modern Guide to the World's Oldest Luxury Fabric 29.06.2026 58m

  Join Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners as she dives deep into the fascinating world of linen, revealing why this ancient luxury textile is the ultimate status symbol and a cornerstone of quiet luxury for old money. This episode unravels linen's rich history, from Paleolithic origins and its role as currency in ancient Egypt, to its resilience against the Industrial Revolution. Kiki explains the sociology of linen, detailing how pristine white linen once signified immense wealth through the conspicuous consumption of labor, and why today, rich people love wrinkles as a sign of authenticity and confidence, embracing patina over synthetic perfection. Gain crucial textile literacy by learning how to spot quality linen, understand the significance of geographical origins like Belgian flax and Irish linen, and avoid common linen blend scams (especially those with polyester). Kiki also shares essential linen etiquette: discerning when to iron (tablecloths, formal napkins) versus when to embrace natural wrinkles (shirts, casual wear). Discover how linen is a versatile, year-round fabric, not just for summer fashion, suitable for a range of occasions from country house gatherings to resort wear. This episode equips you with the knowledge to wear and appreciate linen with understated elegance and discerning manners, understanding the subtle social signaling it conveys.   Show Notes   Podcast: Awkward Etiquette: Old Money & New Manners Episode Title: Linen Literacy: A Modern Guide to the World's Oldest Luxury Fabric Host: Kiki Astor   Episode Summary:   In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, your Auntie Kiki, Kiki Astor, expertly guides you through the complex and captivating world of linen. Discover why this incredibly strong and luxurious natural fiber has been a secret status symbol for millennia and continues to define quiet luxury and old money style today. From its surprising history dating back 30,000 years, through its societal impact in ancient Egypt and the Roman Empire, to its modern-day role in understated elegance, Kiki unpacks everything you need to know. Learn the nuanced sociology of linen, including why the affluent embrace its natural wrinkles and patina as a mark of confidence and authenticity, in stark contrast to the new money pursuit of synthetic perfection. Kiki empowers you with vital textile literacy: how to identify quality linen by understanding its fibers, weave, luster, and GSM, and how to wisely navigate the market to avoid linen blend scams (especially polyester). She also shares the essential etiquette of linen: when to press for formality (like tablecloths and napkins) and when to let its natural creases speak volumes in summer outfits or year-round fashion. This episode is a must-listen for anyone wanting to master the art of wearing linen with discerning manners and sophisticated social signaling.   Key Topics Covered:   The ancient history of linen, predating cotton, from the Paleolithic era to its significance in ancient Egypt and Rome. Why linen is a true luxury textile and how it endured the Industrial Revolution. The sociology of linen: how white linen became a status symbol through conspicuous consumption of labor and what it signals today. The "psychology of wrinkles": why old money finds authenticity and confidence in linen's natural creases. Becoming textile literate: How to identify quality linen by examining fibers, weave density, natural luster, and understanding GSM (Grams per Square Meter). Navigating linen blends: distinguishing beneficial blends (cotton, silk) from deceptive ones (polyester blend, rayon, viscose). Geographical indicators of quality: Belgian flax, Irish linen, Italian finishing, and Lithuanian production. The etiquette of linen: When to iron/steam (e.g., tablecloths, formal wear) vs. when to embrace its natural state (everyday shirts, casual garments). Linen for all seasons: Styling heavyweight linen for spring, summer, autumn, and winter. Myth-busting common misconceptions about linen's strength, care requirements, and seasonality. The philosophy of longevity and graceful imperfection in old money style.   Key Takeaways:   Linen is a timeless symbol of understated elegance and quiet luxury, not a fleeting trend. True old money style embraces the patina and natural wrinkles of quality linen as a sign of confidence and appreciation for authenticity. Developing textile literacy allows you to discern high-quality linen and make smart purchasing decisions, avoiding scams. Linen etiquette is about understanding occasion and context, letting the fabric's nature guide your choices. With proper care, linen is a durable, versatile year-round fabric suitable for a range of fashion needs. More from Kiki Astor: "Midnight Blue" by Kiki Astor: Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Listen to more Awkward Etiquette: Subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for more insights into etiquette, style, and the manners you lack!       Keywords/Tags: Awkward Etiquette, Kiki Astor, Old Money, New Manners, Linen, Luxury Textile, Quiet Luxury, Understated Elegance, Status Symbol, Social Signaling, Fashion Etiquette, Style, Textile Literacy, Fabric History, Quality Linen, Belgian Flax, Irish Linen, Linen Blends, Wrinkles, Patina, Conspicuous Consumption, Summer Fashion, Year-Round Fabric, Clothing Care, Elegance, Confidence, Manners, Flax, Natural Fiber, Home Linen, Garments, Apparel, Luxury Fashion, Sustainable Style.
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  Status, Style, and Stitching: The Secret History and Etiquette of the Monogram 22.06.2026 58m

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, host Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) takes listeners on a fascinating deep dive into the history, sociology, and etiquette of the monogram. Far from just a preppy aesthetic, monograms are one of the world's oldest status symbols, evolving from ancient Mesopotamian cylinder seals and medieval maker's marks to Victorian household necessities and modern luxury logos. Auntie Kiki answers awkward listener questions about monogramming blended names, navigating overbearing mothers-in-law, and styling thrifted finds. She also provides practical rules for gifting, sizing, and placing monograms, as well as tasteful alternatives for those who prefer a modern or subtle approach to personalizing their items.   Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Highlights: [Sponsor Message] A preview of Kiki Astor's newest book, Midnight Blue, a thrilling tale of a scandalous perfume dynasty, an ancient curse, and a potent ingredient called blue oud. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Listener Q&A: Awkward Monogram Situations The 5-Initial Dilemma: How to edit down a long name (Hint: Less is more. Pick three). Towel Placement Wars: Settling the debate between top-center and lower-right placements. Underwear & Veils: The etiquette of monogramming intimates, and how to handle a mother-in-law who secretly monograms your wedding veil. Thrifted Jackets & Exes: Creative ways to cover up old initials using patches or motifs. Blended Families & Same-Sex Couples: How to gracefully combine names, alternate initials, or create a unified "house monogram." The History & Sociology of the Monogram 3500 BCE: Mesopotamian cylinder seals used to authenticate transactions. Medieval Era: Maker's marks used by stonemasons and metalworkers for quality control and payment. 15th Century: Albrecht Dürer uses his initials to protect his artistic brand. 19th Century: The rise of domestic monogramming during the Industrial Revolution to prevent theft at the laundry. 1896: Louis Vuitton creates the LV repeating pattern to prevent counterfeiting, inadvertently creating the modern public status logo. A Diagnostic Toolkit for Reading Monograms How to read the status and intent of a monogram based on its scale (tiny vs. oversized), placement (inside lining vs. exterior), and method (vinyl sticker vs. hand-engraved silver). The Golden Rules of Monogram Etiquette How to correctly gift a monogrammed item (always double-check preferred names!). Matching the permanence of the monogram to the object (e.g., vinyl for water bottles, satin stitch for heirloom linens). Color choices: Why tone-on-tone is the ultimate subtle flex for adults, while high-contrast is best for children and sports gear. Tasteful Alternatives to Initials Using sigils, motifs (like a tiny fox or compass), signature color piping, or removable leather tags to establish an identity without letters. Announcements & Events: Book Signing: Join Kiki on July 25, 2026, in Summerland, California, for the Midnight Blue book signing. Perfume Sweepstakes: Leave a review of Midnight Blue on Amazon or Goodreads and submit proof to be entered to win a large bottle and samples of Ormonde Jayne's "Midnight Oud" perfume. Drawing takes place on July 25, 2026. Join the Guest List: Sign up on Kiki's website for exclusive weekly emails, bonus content, and event invitations. (If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review!)
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  The Silver Ice Bucket: Old Money Elegance & Timeless Hospitality on Any Budget 15.06.2026 1h 5m

  Gather round, darlings! In this captivating episode of "Awkward Etiquette, Old Money and New Manners," your hostess, Auntie Kiki Astor, unveils a powerful, often overlooked domestic secret: the humble silver ice bucket. Far from just a vessel for drinks, this episode dissects its profound role in creating an old money aesthetic of ease, elegance, sophistication, and genuine hospitality – regardless of your budget. Kiki dives deep into the sociology and psychology behind why certain homes feel alive and civilized, contrasting this with the fleeting, often superficial displays of the new Gilded Age. Discover how the silver ice bucket, along with other essential home bar accessories like decanters and cocktail shakers, functions as a powerful symbol of preparedness, generosity, and the subtle art of making guests feel truly welcome. Learn the history of ice as a luxury commodity and silver as a statement of cultural capital. Auntie Kiki shares her practical playbook for the nouveau pauvre, guiding you on how to acquire these elegant pieces (think estate sales, flea markets, antique stores) and integrate them into your home to cultivate authentic, cherished social rituals. Whether you're serving fine spirits or sparkling water, this episode proves that decorating with intention and embracing timeless etiquette can transform your space and your social life.   Show Notes: Episode Title: The Silver Ice Bucket: Old Money Elegance & Timeless Hospitality on Any Budget | Awkward Etiquette Podcast with Kiki Astor Description: Join Auntie Kiki Astor on "Awkward Etiquette" as she reveals the secret to injecting old money elegance into your home: the silver ice bucket. This isn't just about decor; it's a deep dive into the sociology and psychology of hospitality, ritual, and cultivating a civilized life on any budget. Learn how to create an atmosphere that fosters connection and conversation, bypassing the fleeting trends of the new Gilded Age. From antique hunting tips to mastering the art of the perfect pour, Kiki provides a practical playbook for authentic entertaining. Key Topics Discussed: The Power of the Silver Ice Bucket: Why this seemingly simple object is a core symbol of old money elegance, ease, and profound hospitality. Beyond Alcohol: Understanding that the episode is about sociology, psychology, and the art of entertaining, not just drinking. Old Money vs. New Gilded Age: The crucial difference between enduring cultural practices and fleeting, Instagram-optimized displays. Cultural & Social Capital: How objects like decanters and ice buckets signify competence, belonging, and a lineage of practice. The History of Ice & Silver: From Frederic Tudor's "Ice King" era to the symbolic weight of silver, and how these materials became markers of wealth and civilization in European and American homes. Choreographing Your Home: How old money architecture and objects create "machines for living" and orchestrate social rituals. The Modern Image Economy: Thorstein Veblen's "conspicuous consumption" updated for social media, where brand capital replaces cultural capital. A Practical Playbook for the Nouveau Pauvre: Kiki's budget-friendly guide to acquiring and utilizing essential bar elements: Acquisitions: Where to find treasures (local antique malls, estate sales, flea markets, thrift stores). Essentials: Silver (or silver-plated) ice bucket, a good decanter, quality tumblers, a small tray, linen cocktail napkins, silver tongs, and bar tools. Staging: Creating dedicated cocktail corners or diverse drink zones. The Art of Hosting: Tips for performing rituals with authenticity, handling guests' preferences, and subtle maintenance for an effortless look. The Secret Weapon: Elegant Ice: How to make clear ice and the importance of ice tongs. Non-Alcoholic Elegance: How to embrace the aesthetic and ritual of the silver ice bucket even if you don't drink, offering sophisticated alternatives. Authenticity & Stewardship: Why patina beats perfection and how thoughtful choices create a powerfully palpable atmosphere in your home. Actionable Takeaways: Prioritize Vessels over Labels: Invest in quality, tactile objects that feel good, not just branded items. Hunt for Hidden Gems: Explore local antique markets and estate sales for unique, often inexpensive, silver-plated ice buckets and crystal decanters. Start Small, Be Deliberate: You don't need a full bar; a few key pieces make a significant impact. Master the Ritual: Learn the elegant choreography of using your bar items, from placing ice with tongs to presenting napkins. Elevate Non-Alcoholic Options: Offer mineral water or sophisticated mocktails in the same elegant glassware as alcoholic drinks. Cultivate Stories: Have a small provenance story for your cherished pieces to share with guests. Avoid Common Mistakes: No empty luxury bottles as trophies, avoid excessive branding, and say no to fake citrus! Host: Kiki Astor, author, ex-rich person, and proud nouveau pauvre. She delights in discussing the sociology of status, etiquette, elegance, and how to live a rich, civilized life on any budget. Sponsored By: "Midnight Blue" by Kiki Astor – Available now on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Discover Julia Peregrine-Cavendish's scandalous journey through an old money perfume dynasty. https://kikiastor.com/books-by-kiki-astor-old-money-romance/ Next Week's Episode Tease: We'll be dissecting another object that quietly communicates status and ambition: The Monogram. Connect with Awkward Etiquette: https://kikiastor.com/awkward-etiquette-podcast-kiki-astor/ madamexofmontecito@gmail.com  
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  The Ultimate Guide to the Hermès Scarf: Old Money Style & Quiet Luxury 08.06.2026 1h

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, host Kiki Astor unravels the enduring allure of the iconic Hermès silk scarf. Discover how a simple square of silk evolved from a 19th-century Parisian harness workshop into the ultimate global symbol of elegance, quiet luxury, and old money style. Auntie Kiki takes you on a journey through the meticulous craftsmanship of the Hermès Carré—from the exclusive silk twill and painstaking screen-printing process to the forensic signature of the hand-rolled hem. We explore the cultural significance of the famous orange box, share expert tips on how to authenticate vintage Hermès scarves, and discuss the nuances of luxury gifting and returning etiquette. Whether you want to master effortless French-girl styling with a classic Carré 90, invest in a 140cm cashmere-silk shawl, or find stunning budget-friendly alternatives for the "nouveau pauvre," this episode is your definitive guide to elevating your wardrobe with a single square of silk. Show Notes: The Hermès Silk Scarf Explained Episode Highlights & Key Takeaways: The Equestrian Origins of Hermès: How Thierry Hermès transitioned from crafting elite saddlery in 1837 to launching the first silk scarf (Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches) in 1937. The Anatomy of a Masterpiece: Understanding the artisanal life cycle of the scarf, including the signature silk twill weave, complex color screening, and the legendary hand-rolled hem. The Power of the Orange Box: How wartime scarcity created one of the most recognizable packaging rituals in luxury history. Iconic Designs & Artists: A look at legendary motifs like Bride de Gala and the fascinating story of Kermit Oliver, the only American artist to design multiple Hermès scarves. Styling the Silk Scarf: Why Auntie Kiki prefers the versatile Carré 90 and 140cm shawls over the Twilly, and how to tie them without looking like you are trying too hard. Luxury Etiquette: The unwritten rules of shopping at luxury boutiques, how to properly gift (and wrap) an Hermès scarf, and the polite way to handle returns or regifting. Ethical Considerations & Alternatives: Navigating sustainability in silk production, cultural motifs, and where to find gorgeous non-Hermès silk scarves from Lake Como, Liberty of London, and independent artists. Resources & Mentions: Books by Kiki Astor: Pick up Midnight Blue (a scandalous old money perfume dynasty thriller) and Service Entrance (a perfect Montecito beach read) available on Amazon, Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook. Featured Scarf Designs: Bride de Gala, Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches, Jungle Love, Ciel Byzantin, and Zebra Pegasus. Connect with Kiki: Have an heirloom story or a scarf scandal to share? Email your Auntie Kiki at madamxofmontecito@gmail.com and make sure to join her exclusive mailing list for insider shopping tips!
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  Aristocracy's Raincoat: Barbour, the Sociology of Mud, and Stealth Wealth Fashion 01.06.2026 45m

  Why does a battered, smelly, 100-year-old raincoat signal more wealth and social standing than a pristine, fresh-off-the-runway Hermes Birkin? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the maddening paradox of class signaling through the lens of the iconic Barbour jacket. We dive deep into the sociology of mud, exploring how the British elite fetishized utility, why looking like you don't care is the ultimate status symbol, and how a garment designed for 19th-century Scottish fishermen became the global uniform for stealth wealth. From the Great Male Renunciation to Princess Diana's Sloane Ranger aesthetic, learn why the highest form of status is convincing people that status never crossed your mind.  Key Takeaways & Topics Discussed: - The Paradox of Status: Why the higher people rise socially, the less their clothes need to look overtly expensive. - Historical Context: How the Industrial Revolution and the Great Male Renunciation shifted upper-class fashion from flashy court aesthetics (like Louis XIV) to discreet minimalism. - Pierre Bourdieu & Cultural Capital: Understanding why the aristocracy views inherited identity and status security as superior to purchased luxury. - The British Country Aesthetic: Why mud, horses, and hunting became symbols of elite leisure rather than grueling labor. - Barbour Jacket History & Design:    -- Founded in 1894 by John Barbour in South Shields.   -- Why classic Barbours don't have hoods.   -- The secret utility of the brass ring-pull zipper and the cavernous poacher's pocket.   -- Decoding the authentic Scottish tartans hidden inside. - The Princess Diana Effect: How the late Princess of Wales mastered the art of wearing the elite uniform while appearing wonderfully relatable. - Quiet Luxury vs. Old Money: Why the Barbour jacket survives the fleeting quiet luxury trend through pure, historic authenticity. Auntie Kiki's Awkward Etiquette Rules for the Barbour Jacket: 1. Age is Beauty: A Barbour looks best when it is battered, bruised, and well-worn. If you buy a new one, break it in immediately.  2. The Commuter Rule: It is perfectly acceptable to wear a Barbour over a business suit, provided the coat's hem entirely covers your suit jacket.  3. The Cardinal Sin of Cleaning: Never put a waxed Barbour in a washing machine or take it to a standard dry cleaner. Sponge it with cold water and have it professionally re-waxed. 4. Mudroom Etiquette: Barbour jackets left in country house mudrooms are often viewed as communal property. Borrow with grace, but don't be surprised if yours goes missing for the afternoon! 5. No Monograms: Keep it utilitarian. Over-personalizing defeats the jacket's rugged, unbothered aesthetic. Resources & Mentions: - Book Promo: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor. Dive into a world of old money, scandalous perfume dynasties, and an ancient curse. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook). - Mentioned Book: Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor. - Merch: The Dogs and Horses Summer T-Shirt (Available via Amazon and Kiki's website). - Mailing List Bonus: Subscribe to Kiki's newsletter this week for an exclusive guide on the different fits of the Barbour jacket!  Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this deep dive into old money aesthetics, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave a glowing review (Auntie Kiki's ego demands it, darling!).   
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  The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre 25.05.2026 1h 6m

  In this episode of the Awkward Etiquette- Old Money and New Manners podcast, host Kiki Astor takes a deep dive into the history, sociology, and psychology of jewelry. Moving beyond precious stones and price tags, Kiki explores jewelry as an ancient social technology used to signal belonging, continuity, and wealth. She breaks down the distinct jewelry "languages" of Old Money (which values biography, heirlooms, and continuity) and New Money (which values ornament, optimization, and brand visibility). Finally, she champions the "Nouveau Pauvre" philosophy—an aesthetic approach that prioritizes intentionality, personal joy, and wearing pieces that tell your unique story rather than chasing fleeting trends.  Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Title: The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre In This Episode: Have you ever wondered what your jewelry says about you before you even speak? This week, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating social codes embedded in the jewelry we wear. Whether it's a dented inherited charm bracelet or a sparkling stack of recognizable designer pieces, jewelry acts as a powerful communicator of status, affiliation, and personal history. Key Topics Covered: The History of Adornment: How jewelry evolved from prehistoric survival talismans and portable wealth to modern-day cultural capital. Biography vs. Ornament: The philosophical divide between Old Money (valuing patina, repair, and family continuity) and New Money (valuing perfect stones, recognizable logos, and conspicuous display). Jewelry Archetypes: Identifying the social logic behind different wearers, from the Heirloom Collector and the Equestrian to the Art World Woman and the Nouveau Pauvre. Decoding the Maisons: What specific elite jewelry houses—like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Verdura, and JAR—signal to those who know how to "read" them. Jewelry Etiquette FAQs: Kiki answers your most pressing questions: - Is it acceptable to reset or remake an inherited family stone? - Can you wear faux/costume jewelry or diamonds during the daytime? - Is it tacky to "upgrade" an engagement ring? - Are tiaras ever appropriate for modern events? The Nouveau Pauvre Manifesto: Why you should prioritize intentionality, avoid the performative "wrist stack," and adopt the "never sell the jewelry" ethic to build a meaningful personal archive.  Featured Sponsor / Mention: Book Recommendation: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A captivating novel about perfume, power, inheritance, and an ancient curse. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook).  Question of the Week: If your bank account vanished tomorrow, but your jewelry box survived, what would your collection say about your life?   https://www.kikiastor.com madamexofmontecito@gmail.com    
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  The Scent of Status: How Perfume Shapes Class & Identity, From Cleopatra to TikTok 18.05.2026 56m

  This episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners with your Auntie Kiki Astor goes far beyond mere fragrance, exploring perfume as a social language, a class performance, and invisible status signaling. Dive into the fascinating anthropology of scent, from Cleopatra's perfumed sails to the opulent courts of Versailles, uncovering how elites throughout history manipulated fragrance as carefully as architecture or jewels.   Host Kiki Astor, author and expert on social intelligence, unpacks the hidden meanings behind what and how we smell. Discover the evolution of perfume etiquette, why "old money" values subtlety and discretion, and how today's quiet luxury scents continue this tradition. We'll journey from ancient rituals that equated pleasant smells with moral purity to the modern phenomenon of PerfumeTok, where fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume elitism, and blind buying reveal contemporary obsessions with identity, aspiration, and the curated self.   Learn what your fragrance says about you—whether it's signaling wealth, intellectualism, or seduction—and why, unlike fashion, scent is intimate, invasive, and deeply tied to memory. Kiki also shares insights from her book Midnight Blue, a story infused with the power and mystique of perfume. Buckle up, darling, for an intriguing exploration of how fragrance shapes not just how we smell, but how we are felt and understood in society.   Episode Description: Join your Auntie Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for a captivating journey into the world of perfume, not just as a beauty product, but as a profound social and cultural phenomenon. This episode uncovers how fragrance has always served as a powerful tool for class performance, status signaling, and self-expression throughout history and into the digital age.   In this episode, we explore:   *   The Anthropological Power of Scent: From sacred rituals in ancient Egypt to the "perfumed court" of Versailles, discover how fragrance was used to announce divinity, protect against disease, and define aristocracy. *   Cleopatra's "Anticipatory Aura": How the legendary queen weaponized scent as political stagecraft, a principle still used by luxury brands today. *   The Morality & Class of Smell: Why historical and modern societies equate cleanliness with virtue and how scent becomes a powerful indicator of refinement vs. vulgarity. *   Old Money Fragrance Etiquette: The historical emphasis on subtlety, discretion, and quality, and why "loud" fragrances were (and often still are) class-coded. *   Modern Fragrance Trends & PerfumeTok: The rise of fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume communities, quiet luxury scents, clean girl aesthetics, and the fascinating digital performance of curated identities. *   The Psychology of Perfume: How scent uniquely bypasses cognitive filters, linking directly to memory, emotion, and identity—and why blind buying is such a compelling modern phenomenon. *   Perfume Etiquette in Today's World: Navigating nose blindness, communal sensitivity in enclosed spaces, professional settings, and the delicate art of gifting fragrance. *   Cultural Nuances: Contrasting attitudes towards perfume in France, Gulf countries, and Japan, revealing diverse social norms. *   Layering & the Modular Identity: How modern consumers use fragrance to author unique, ever-evolving versions of themselves. *   Kiki Astor's "Midnight Blue": Insights into Kiki's own novel, where the power of perfume drives a tale of inheritance and obsession.   Tune in to understand why perfume is the ultimate invisible accessory, telling society who you are before you even speak, and revealing the eternal human desire to control how we are felt.   Mentions & Resources:   *   Host: Kiki Astor – Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert *   Kiki's Books:     *   Midnight Blue (available on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, audiobook)     *   Service Entrance *   Key Historical Figures/Texts:     *   Plutarch (Cleopatra's story)     *   Alain Corbin (The Foul and the Fragrant)     *   Jean de Galimar (Scented gloves)     *   Catherine de Medici     *   Louis XIV (Versailles)     *   Pierre Bourdieu (Cultural Capital) *   Fragrance Concepts/Trends:     *   PerfumeTok     *   Quiet Luxury Scents     *   Clean Girl Fragrances     *   Niche Perfume     *   Fragrance Wardrobes     *   Skin Scents     *   Blind Buying     *   Anticipatory Aura *   Fragrance Brands Mentioned: Creed, Diptyque, Frédéric Malle, Maison Francis Kurkdjian, Le Labo, Byredo, Baccarat Rouge. *   Book Comparison: Patrick Süskind's Perfume (mentioned)   Connect with Kiki Astor: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com https://www.kikiastor.com  
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  Old Money Secrets and Author Life: Behind the Curtain with Kiki Astor 27.04.2026 41m

  In this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations. Episode Description: Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara.   In This Episode, We Cover: - The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging. - The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate? - The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots. - Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish. - The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez. - The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste. - What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara.   Mentioned in this Episode: - Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue  - Pink Palazzo  - Low Season in St. Tropez  - Scarlet Fever  - Santa Barbara Literary Festival    Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/
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  The New Grand Tour: Cultivating Old Money Taste in the Modern World 20.04.2026 1h

  In this insightful episode of "Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners," Kiki Astor delves into the historical Grand Tour, contrasting it sharply with contemporary travel and offering a powerful framework for cultivating taste, confidence, and a sophisticated worldview in the modern era.   Historically, the Grand Tour (17th-18th centuries) was far from a mere holiday; it was a rigorous social rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering for young European elites. Designed to complete one's education, it exposed travelers to art, antiquity, and diverse civilizations, particularly across the European continent. Accompanied by "bear leaders" (tutors) who guided their intellectual and moral development, these young aristocrats were meant to return refined, less insufferably British, and equipped with a portable internal reference system for discernment. Despite intentions, the tours were often rife with gambling, scandal, and personal transformation, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.   Astor meticulously differentiates the Grand Tour's core purpose – the formation of taste and worldview – from modern "influencer travel" (focused on content production, visibility, and fragmented experiences) and "family vacations" (prioritizing rest, ease, and shared memories). She argues that the need for this "finishing school of the world" hasn't disappeared; if anything, it's more urgent today for training perception and understanding how life can be lived differently.   The episode then brilliantly reinterprets the Grand Tour for contemporary listeners, regardless of age or budget. Astor suggests modern equivalents for the historical "tutor," including digital tutors (curated intellectual content from museum archives, scholars), taste mentors (discerning friends), using museums as tutors (slow, intentional engagement with fewer objects), and curated reading lists (novels, history, architecture). Practical advice extends to packing (absence of excess, strategic carry-on), itinerary planning (slow travel, fewer places, planned downtime), and even recreating the Grand Tour sensibility at home through art study, literature, local museum visits, and themed dinners.   A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Kiki's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour, moving beyond Eurocentrism. This ambitious itinerary spans London, Paris, Rome, Marrakesh, Lagos, Mumbai, Tokyo, Shanghai, Singapore, Mexico City, Sao Paulo, and New York City. Each destination is chosen for its unique lessons on power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, and global synthesis, aiming to produce an individual who understands the world as a complex, interconnected entity.   Finally, Astor provides crucial etiquette considerations for sophisticated modern travel, covering aspects like navigating finances with friends, cultural sensitivity (learning local phrases, respecting dress codes, observing before participating), thoughtful preparation (reading, soft landings), polite food refusal, and appropriate communication (what to say/not to say, photo ethics). The ultimate marker of a successful Grand Tour, Kiki concludes, is returning with "better questions, harder to impress or trick, but easier to delight." This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of elite identity, cultural fluency, and the art of living with profound discernment.   ---   Show Notes:   Episode Title: (Choose one from the list above, e.g., "The Grand Tour Reboot: Cultivating Old Money Taste in a New World")   Episode Description: Kiki Astor unpacks the historical Grand Tour, revealing its origins as an old money rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering. Discover why this transformative journey is more relevant than ever for developing taste, confidence, and a global worldview today, and learn how to embark on your own modern Grand Tour – even without leaving home.   Key Themes & Topics: *   The historical context and purpose of the 17th-18th century Grand Tour. *   How the Grand Tour functioned as a "finishing school" for elite identity. *   Distinguishing the Grand Tour from modern "influencer travel" and "family vacations." *   The role of "bear leaders" (tutors) in shaping young aristocrats. *   Practical strategies for recreating the Grand Tour's benefits in today's world. *   Modern "tutors": digital resources, discerning mentors, museums, reading lists. *   The concept of a "Grand Tour at home" for cultivating sensibility. *   Kiki Astor's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour itinerary. *   Essential etiquette and practical advice for cultured, mindful travel. *   Developing a trained eye, steady judgment, and confident way of moving through the world.   Historical Grand Tour Insights: *   A social rite of passage for young men (and some women) of fortune from Britain and Northern Europe. *   Not leisure, but a "system of cultural engineering" to produce elite identity. *   Destinations like Paris (refinement), Florence (art, beauty), Rome (antiquity), Venice (indulgence). *   Traveled with trunks, servants, and tutors ("bear leaders") for guidance and moral supervision. *   Often involved gambling debts, romances, and personal "unraveling." *   Outcome: Elite cultural knowledge, shared aesthetic codes, rise of guidebooks.   Modern Travel Comparisons: *   Influencer Travel: Purpose - content production; visible, repetitive hero locations; outfits for visuals; fragmented experience. *   Family Vacation: Purpose - rest, shared memory; one destination, stable routines; low friction. *   Grand Tour: Purpose - formation of taste, worldview; fewer places, longer stays; intentional sequencing (cities for cultural function); builds internal reference system.   Recreating the Grand Tour Today: *   Modern "Tutors":     *   Digital Tutor: Selective intellectual filtration via art historians, museum curators, long-form travel content (e.g., Met Museum Digital Collections).     *   Taste Mentor: Intentional proximity to discerning individuals; friends who see the deeper meaning in places.     *   Museum as Tutor: Slow, unhurried engagement with fewer objects; sustained attention to details.     *   Reading Lists: Books (novels, history, architecture, diaries) relevant to destinations.     *   Packing Tutor: Absence of excess; carry-on travel to allow for purchases.     *   Itinerary Tutor: Maximum 1-2 structured activities per day; longer stays in fewer places; allowing for "nothing" to become "something." *   The Grand Tour at Home:     *   Studying art, reading literature from different regions.     *   Visiting local museums repeatedly.     *   Hosting themed dinners inspired by different places.     *   Creating an environment that suggests "I have seen things" (books, objects with stories, layered textiles/lighting).   Kiki Astor's Rebalanced Global Grand Tour Itinerary: *   Phase 1: Old Power & Foundations     *   London, UK: Finance, law, language, empire.     *   Paris, France: Culture as power, art, philosophy, revolution.     *   Rome, Italy: Civilizational continuity, enduring institutions. *   Phase 2: Crossroads & Post-Colonial Identity     *   Marrakesh, Morocco: Trade, religion, craft, intersection of Africa, Arab world, Europe.     *   Lagos, Nigeria: Future in motion, fastest-growing cultural/economic hub in Sub-Saharan Africa.     *   Mumbai, India: Scale and inequality, finance, Bollywood, urban intensity. *   Phase 3: Modernity & The Future     *   Tokyo, Japan: Non-Western modernity, hyper-modern yet culturally continuous.     *   Shanghai, China: State and capitalism, massive urbanization, manufacturing, geopolitical ambition.     *   Singapore: Engineered society, efficiency, globalization, governance. *   Phase 4: The New World / Americas     *   Mexico City, Mexico: Layered civilizations, new identity, modern mega-city (art, fashion, design).     *   Sao Paulo, Brazil: Industrial culture, diversity, Latin America's economic engine.     *   New York City, USA: Finance, media, culture scale worldwide, Broadway, ballet, opera. *   Focus Areas: Power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, global synthesis.   Etiquette & Practical Advice for Modern Travel: *   Paying: Host one meaningful thing; for peers, aim for rhythmic reciprocity; wealthier person quietly absorbs friction points. *   Itinerary: Elegant elasticity (one anchor plan/day); normalize splitting up. *   Cultural Sensitivity: Learn 5 local phrases; understand dress codes (scarf is useful); observe first, participate second; avoid comparison or ranking; don't say "Is it safe here?" or "Why isn't this more developed?" *   Preparation: Read a novel and a history piece about your destination; book first 48 hours for a "soft landing"; pack intelligently (polished, practical, cross-context outfits); small thoughtful gifts for hosts. *   Food Etiquette: Never show disgust; take small portion, try once; decline politely if necessary (sensitive stomach); compliment something specific. *   Photography & Social Media: Ask before photographing people; don't geotag small places; don't use people as props; if posting constantly, you're not on the trip. *   Hotels & Staff: Learn names, use them; leave places better; tip appropriately without theatrics.   The Marker of a Successful Grand Tour: Returning with better questions, harder to impress or trick, but easier to delight.   Sponsor Segment (Kiki Astor's offerings): *   Novel: Scarlet Fever (Old Money rivalries, hunt club suspense, romance). *   Kiki Astor T-shirts (Cheeky old money humor).   Connect with Kiki Astor: *   Email: madamxofmontecito@gmail.com *   Website http://www.kikiastor.com (for books, shopping, and advisory services)
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  From Queen Victoria to Instagram Bridezillas: Old Money Wedding Etiquette & Style 13.04.2026 1h 12m

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, Kiki Astor explores how Queen Victoria's 1840 white gown and later royal spectacles (Charles & Diana, Grace Kelly, JFK/Jacqueline) shaped modern wedding expectations. She examines the social and economic pressures behind extravagant weddings, who should pay, the rise of pre-wedding events, venue and menu choices, wedding attire (old money vs. new money), guest etiquette, digital invites vs. tradition, and strategies to avoid becoming a "bridezilla." Practical, budget-friendly tips emphasize authenticity, restraint, and how to create an elegant day that reflects values rather than trying to project status and keep up with influencers.     Intro & thesis: How Queen Victoria (1840) set the white-dress precedent and transformed weddings into status performances. Historical anchors: Queen Victoria's white dress: symbolism, lace industry support, status signaling. Charles & Diana (1981): spectacle, public finance, backlash. Grace Kelly (1956) & Jackie Kennedy (1953): models of restraint and curated guest lists. Queen Elizabeth II (1947): post-war modesty and tradition. Main themes: Weddings as performative displays of social status vs. personal celebration. Financial realities: who pays, avoiding ruinous expectations, prioritizing long-term goals over one-day spectacle. Modern etiquette shifts: digital invites, wedding websites, RSVPs vs. tradition. Pre-wedding event culture: engagement parties, showers, bachelorettes—value vs. excess. Venue choices: authenticity over Instagrammability; alternatives (home, club, chapel, meaningful local spots). Attire: old-money simplicity, vintage and tailoring tips, guest dress-code rules, color no-nos (white/ivory). Menu & drinks: elegant simplicity, seasonal/local choices, family-style or signature drinks, budget-friendly substitutes (Prosecco, punch). Guest behavior: arrive on time, follow dress code, don't upstage, support the couple. Bride/Bridegroom guidance: set boundaries, communicate, expect small failures, remain gracious. Personal anecdotes: Kiki's own low-budget yet elegant wedding (university chapel, restaurant reception, borrowed flowers/cake). Practical tips & quick wins (actionable): Set a shared budget early; decide who pays and delegate small, meaningful contributions. Prioritize 3-4 things that matter most (venue, dress, photos, food); save elsewhere. Consider vintage or off-the-rack + tailoring for a classic look. Use a wedding website + a tasteful paper invitation for etiquette/clarity. Choose meaningful venues (family estate, backyard, private club) over trending destinations. Simplify the menu: seasonal, local, a few elegant choices; pick one signature cocktail. Limit pre-wedding events; do what feels authentic rather than performative. Communicate guest expectations clearly (dress code, plus-ones, travel). Practice composure: plan for small mishaps and lead with grace. Resources & links mentioned: Kiki Astor's novel Scarlet Fever (for readers who enjoy old-money fiction) Contact: MadamexofMontecito@gmail.com (listener Q&A)  
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  Beyond the Trend: Timeless, Classic, Ageless, and Iconic, the Old Money Way 06.04.2026 44m

  Join Auntie Kiki (Kiki Astor) on the "Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners" podcast as she uncovers the secrets to a truly timeless existence. This episode dives deep into why the old money aesthetic resonates so deeply and how you can integrate effortless elegance into your home, wardrobe, lifestyle, manners, and even your approach to aging. Inspired by a surprising home tour, Kiki shares practical tips on choosing honest materials, embracing thoughtful editing, and cultivating an attitude that transcends fleeting trends. Learn how to create classic spaces and styles on a budget, conduct a "digital detox," and practice timeless etiquette that makes you—and those around you—feel valued and comfortable. Discover how to live an iconic life that is fluid, intentional, and always in style.   Key Topics Discussed:   - Timeless Elegance: Embracing the enduring appeal of the old money aesthetic.   - Timeless Design: Secrets for creating ageless spaces, focusing on materials and the "Light & Touch Test."   - Budget-Friendly Home: Smart strategies for achieving a sophisticated home without breaking the bank.   - Avoiding the "Time Capsule": Blending eras for a personalized, comfortable, and classic living environment.   - Digital Detox & Analog Living: Cultivating intentional, less-connected daily practices.   - Timeless Entertaining: Classic approaches to hosting and celebrations, including weddings.   - Ageless Style & Investment Dressing: Building a wardrobe that stands the test of time through quality and fit.   - Graceful Aging: Focusing on vibrancy, posture, grooming, and an engaged mind over cosmetic fixes.   - Timeless Manners & Etiquette: Developing intentional, respectful, and fluid social skills.   - Strategic Trend Integration: How to selectively incorporate trends while maintaining a timeless core.   Kiki Astor's Novels Mentioned in the Episode:    - Scarlet Fever (Dark Inheritance series: old money rivalries, haunted equestrian, suspenseful romance) - Pink Palazzo (historic homes, evolving aesthetics) - Low Season in St Tropez (1920s design, new materials for classic looks)  - Midnight Blue (forthcoming, perfumery, analog vs. tech)     Upcoming Event:    Santa Barbara Literary Festival, May 2nd & 3rd, 2026. Kiki Astor will be on a romance panel and hosting a workshop on self-promotion for writers.   Connect with Auntie Kiki:   www.kikiastor.com   Mailing List: Sign up on Kiki Astor's website for updates on books, appearances, and more.   Pressing etiquette and old money style questions? Ask Auntie Kiki!   madamexofmontecito@gmail.com   Thank you for listening to The Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Podcast!
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  Are Influencers Really Rich? The Old Money Guide to a Truly Rich Life (off camera) 30.03.2026 1h 5m

  Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt an overwhelming sense of inadequacy? Everywhere you look, people seem to be living incredibly expensive, flawless lives filled with luxury travel, designer shopping, and perfect morning routines. But is it real?  In this episode, Kiki Astor breaks down the jarring difference between influencer wealth and actual wealth. We explore the history of performative wealth, from ancient Rome and the Court of Versailles to the Gilded Age and the 1990s, and explain how social media has turned the appearance of wealth into a highly lucrative business model. We also discuss why the "Old Money" aesthetic is trending, how to spot the red flags of aspirational performance (including a look at the Becca Bloom conversation), and most importantly, how to consume social media without letting it ruin your peace of mind. Tune in to learn how to cultivate a genuinely rich life that doesn't need an audience. Key Takeaways: - The Illusion of Online Wealth: Why keeping up with online influencers is fundamentally different (and more damaging) than keeping up with the Joneses. - The History of Status: How wealth has been performed throughout history, comparing modern social media feeds to the Royal Court of Versailles and the Gilded Age. - The Influencer Economy: How the algorithm rewards visibility and creates a cycle where presenting an aspirational lifestyle is a mandatory part of the job.  - Real Wealth vs. Fake Wealth: The true markers of old money and real wealth, which include control over your time, multi-generational thinking, discretion, and lived-in continuity, not unboxing videos. - Protecting Your Peace: Actionable advice on how to view social media as entertainment rather than a benchmark for your own life and financial stability.  Quotes from the Episode: "The goal of that whole world of online wealthy influencers is not really stability... It's about visibility." "A lifestyle develops slowly... Content is designed to work instantly, and it is meant to be visible." "The best luxury isn't bought or posted. It's lived exactly on your own terms."   About the Host: Kiki Astor is a romance author, former rich person, and your resident old money and etiquette expert. She helps listeners navigate the modern world with historical context, grace, and a healthy dose of reality. Visit http://www.kikiastor.com for books, merchandise, and advisory services via Cameo.  Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave us a review! Share this episode with a friend who might need a reminder that real life is far more beautiful than a curated feed.
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  Spring Forward: Old Money Traditions & New Manners for the Season 23.03.2026 43m
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  "Dogs and Horses": The Aristocratic Art of Vagueness vs Oversharing 16.03.2026 46m

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, etiquette expert and author Kiki Astor explores the fascinating social tension between strategic vagueness and chronic oversharing. Kiki dissects why old money aristocracy and traditional upper-class society view discretion and understatement as the ultimate forms of power and elegance. Listeners will learn how aristocratic etiquette historically used ambiguity to navigate court politics and protect privacy, contrasting this with modern social media culture that rewards radical transparency, trauma dumping, and parasocial relationships.   Kiki offers practical advice on navigating these conflicting communication styles, explaining when vagueness becomes passive-aggressive and when vulnerability crosses the line into a boundary violation. From handling intrusive questions about finances to mastering the art of the graceful decline, this episode provides a masterclass in conversational etiquette. Whether you are navigating a cocktail party, managing family scandals, or simply trying to avoid the organ recital of health complaints, Auntie Kiki reveals how to balance privacy with authenticity to maintain social harmony and mystique.   ---   SHOW NOTES   "Dogs and Horses": The Aristocratic Art of Vagueness vs Oversharing   Welcome back to Awkward Etiquette! Today, your Auntie Kiki is diving deep into the communication wars: the silence of the old guard versus the "tell-all" nature of the modern world. Why do some people never give a straight answer, while others treat a first date like a therapy session? We are breaking down the history, psychology, and manners behind how much we reveal.   In this episode, we cover:   -Strategic Vagueness: Why old money families describe running a hedge fund as "something in finance" and how understatement signals status and confidence. -The History of Discretion: From the court of Louis XIV to Jane Austen's novels, we look at why saying less was historically a survival mechanism for the elite. -The Three Pillars of Old Money Silence: Privacy, social flexibility (the art of the non-committal RSVP), and status signaling. -Topics You Must Never Discuss Directly: Wealth, family scandals, and personal achievements. (Why saying "the family has a few things" is more chic than flashing a bank statement). -The Rise of Oversharing: How therapy culture and social media algorithms have conditioned us to mistake "trauma dumping" for intimacy. - Parasocial Relationships: Why we feel emotionally connected to strangers online and how this leads to boundary violations in real life. -Etiquette SOS:     - How to handle intrusive questions about money.     - The polite way to decline an invitation without lying.     - When gossip is harmless fun vs. when it is destructive. -Romance & Mystery: Kiki's advice on why you shouldn't tell your partner everything (keep the biological effluvia to yourself, darling!).   Quotes from Kiki: - "This isn't LinkedIn, it's a cocktail party." *-"The real goal of etiquette is not silence, but it's not confession. It is knowing how much to say, when to say it, and to whom." *-"Information is power. And power must always be handled carefully."   Mentioned in this Episode: -Scarlet Fever (Kiki's latest novel) - Irving Goffman (Sociologist on "face-saving" communication) -Kiki's upcoming perfume-themed book set in Morocco (Reviewers wanted!)   Connect with Kiki: -Email: Madamexofmontecito@gmail.com -Sign up for the Guest List (my weekly newsletter with etiquette and style tips and charming musings)  
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  Main Character Energy: Aristocrats, Influencers, and Etiquette 09.03.2026 52m

  In this episode of Kiki Astor's Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, your Auntie Kiki explores the modern cultural phenomenon of "Main Character Energy." We dive deep into the intersection of social media trends, old money archetypes, and the delicate art of owning your narrative without becoming a social nuisance. From the curated lives we see on TikTok to the historical upbringing of aristocrats, we analyze why everyone wants to be the protagonist and where true confidence actually comes from. Kiki breaks down the difference between healthy self-assurance and narcissistic behavior, offering a guide on how to balance being the star of your life while graciously sharing the spotlight with others. Key Topics Discussed: - Defining Main Character Energy: Understanding the shift from literary archetypes (like Jay Gatsby and Blair Waldorf) to modern social media trends. - Old Money vs. New Manners: Why "old money aesthetics" are actually about cultural capital, status security, and nonchalance rather than wealth. - The Problem with Performative Living: How documenting every moment for Instagram or TikTok can ruin the actual experience and breach social etiquette. - The "Heir and Spare" Dynamic: A look at how historical aristocratic families managed ego and entitlement through strict upbringing and stewardship. - Social Etiquette in the Age of Influencers: How to navigate dinner parties, weddings, and public spaces without letting your "main character" persona overshadow the host or the event. - True Confidence vs. Egomaniacal Behavior: Why the most magnetic people in the room are curious listeners, not loud broadcasters. - Actionable Tips: How to channel main character energy with grace, including dressing for the day, cultivating a unique point of view, and embracing "grace under chaos." Keywords & Keyphrases: - Main Character Energy - Old Money Aesthetic - Social Etiquette - Cultural Capital - Pierre Bourdieu - Aristocratic Lifestyle - Quiet Luxury - Social Media Manners - Narcissism vs. Confidence - Romanticize Your Life - Host and Hostess Etiquette - Status Security - Social Fluency Quotes from the Episode: - "The most convincing old money energy was never wealth. It was nonchalance." - "There is a huge difference between being the protagonist and having obnoxious main character energy." - "Confidence is social generosity." - "In a truly refined life... there are no extras. There is a cast who is both supporting characters in your life, and main characters in theirs. " Mentioned in this Episode: - The Great Gatsby (Jay Gatsby) - Downton Abbey (Lady Mary Crawley) - Gossip Girl (Blair Waldorf) - Consuelo Vanderbilt - Pierre Bourdieu (Sociologist) Connect with Kiki: - Email: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com - Books: Check out Kiki Astor's novels for more old money intrigue and etiquette. *** Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Awkward Etiquette to help us keep the conversation elegant!
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  Too high? Too low? How are your standards? 23.02.2026 48m

  In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki begins with a cautionary tale of a dinner party guest who arrived forty-five minutes late without an apology—and why she was never invited back. This isn't a story about petty drama; it's a masterclass in the quiet, devastating power of standards, the invisible architecture of a civilized Life. We move beyond the surface level of manners to discuss the invisible architecture that holds up your entire life. Kiki breaks down the crucial difference between preferences (aesthetic), aspirations (fantasy), and standards (enforced criteria). Are your standards protecting your peace, or are they merely "trauma in a silk blouse"? From the erosion of societal decorum (is this the modern Fall of Rome?) to the specific etiquette of "quiet enforcement," this episode is a deep dive into how Old Money discipline relies on access, not argument. We also explore the delicate art of calibrating your standards to your actual economic reality—because security never needs theater. In This Episode, You Will Learn: The Dinner Party Test: Why the hostess didn't scold the late guest, but simply removed her access—and why this is the ultimate power move. Defining the Terms: The vital distinction between preferences (I like peonies), aspirations (I want a mansion), and standards (I will not tolerate disrespect). The Three Domains of Standards: Internal: How you treat your body, time, and finances. Relational: Who gains emotional proximity to you. Environmental: The physical chaos or noise you permit in your space. The "Ex-Rich" Dilemma: How to maintain dignity and class without financial insulation, and why over-extending to signal status is actually a lack of refinement. Quiet Enforcement: Why explaining your boundaries weakens them, and how to use "access" rather than "argument" as your mechanism of authority. The Reciprocity Rule: Why you cannot demand standards from others that you do not embody yourself (the hypocrisy of the handwritten note). Quotable Moments: "Standards are not about being superior in any way. It's about being structurally sound." "Silence, darling, is not grace if it is breeding resentment." "High standards are sometimes just trauma in a silk blouse." "Aspiration is decoration. Standards are structure." "Security never needs theater." Keywords & Keyphrases: Old Money Etiquette, Social Boundaries, High Society Standards, Cultural Capital vs. Financial Wealth, Relationship Standards, Quiet Luxury, Social Climbing Signs, Etiquette for Dinner Parties, Narcissism and Access, Emotional Intelligence, Class Differences. Resources & Links: Support the Podcast: Help keep Awkward Etiquette ad-free by supporting Kiki's work. Read the Books: Dive into the world of Old Money romance and suspense. Click Here Get a Cameo: Book a personalized message from Auntie Kiki for a birthday or a harsh truth bomb. https://www.cameo.com/kikiastorofficial Shop the Collection: Click here for Kiki Astor Nouveau Pauvre tees and more.   Listener Challenge: This week, audit your life. Where are you performing standards instead of embodying them? Sit still and ask yourself: Are my thresholds strong enough to hold the weight of who I say I want to become? Don't forget to leave a review, darling. It's simply good manners.