The ManFlu | Exploring Gender Dynamics, Partnerships & Raising Boys Who Care

Episodes

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  Before We Lose Their Attention: Raising Boys in a World of Screens | Julie Messer 12.08.2026 48m

  Connection isn't something boys lack. It's something that gets nurtured, at the dinner table, on the drive home, in all the small moments in between. And right now, screens are competing for too many of those moments.Host Lucy McAfee talks with licensed marriage and family therapist Julie Messer about raising boys who can stay present, emotionally aware, and connected in a world built around quick rewards. As a therapist and fellow boy mom, Julie sees young men struggling with loneliness, anxiety, pornography, video games, and the ability to express what they feel. Those patterns often begin much earlier, through what boys learn about relationships, attention, and emotional intelligence at home.When mothers carry the mental load and become the parent everyone relies on, sons absorb that model of partnership. Fathers may miss everyday opportunities to build closeness through caregiving, chores, and the ordinary work of family life. Screens can deepen the disconnect by replacing the slower experiences that build patience, creativity, and real relationships. Julie also shares two of her favorite antidotes: unstructured time in nature and raising boys who love to read, both quiet gateways to empathy and attention.Julie explains why delayed gratification matters, why individual screens raise particular concerns, and why kids need more chances to work, wait, create, and connect without constant stimulation. Lucy is honest about her own family's screen habits and the difficulty of choosing connection when connection requires more energy. This conversation is not about perfect parenting. It is about noticing what boys are learning and making small changes while there is still time: sharing responsibility at home, creating more communal experiences, and teaching boys how to show up for the people around them.Episode Breakdown:00:00 Welcome And Meeting Therapist Julie Messer 02:25 The Most Common Friction Point Julie Sees In Therapy 05:46 Why The Dish Was Never About The Dish 08:16 How Mental Load Gets Modeled For Our Sons 09:40 Breaking The Mommy Does Everything Pattern 12:18 What Hunt Gather Parent Taught Julie About Independence 15:24 Overparenting, Anxiety, And The Anxious Generation 19:48 Why Patriarchy Fails Men Too 22:14 Screens, Sports, And Hijacking The Dopamine System 25:42 Sports, Mental Load, And What Men Remember 26:43 Parallel Play: How Boys Learn Side By Side 30:48 What A Week At Screen-Free Camp Changed32:36 Nature As The Antidote35:07 Raising Readers, Raising Empathy 41:10 Teaching Kids Delayed Gratification 43:14 One Small Shift To Build Real ConnectionBooks referenced:• A Little Scribble SPOT and the A Little SPOT series by Diane Alber — https://www.dianealber.com/collections/spot-series (single book: https://www.dianealber.com/products/a-little-scribble-spot-a-story-about-colorful-emotions)• Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff — https://bookshop.org/p/books/hunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-the-lost-art-of-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff/5848320ecc6fea42?ean=9781982149680• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-anxious-generation-how-the-great-rewiring-of-childhood-is-causing-an-epidemic-of-mental-illness-jonathan-haidt/e7dfa59b478f9574?ean=9780593655030• Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke — https://bookshop.org/p/books/dopamine-nation-finding-balance-in-the-age-of-indulgence-dr-anna-lembke/6cec20cd059cbe98?ean=9781524746742• This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray — https://bookshop.org/p/books/this-is-how-your-marriage-ends-a-hopeful-approach-to-saving-relationships-matthew-fray/d1e48fbd9afa7612?ean=9780063072268Connect with Julie Messer:Visit Julie's website Connect with Lucy McAfee:Follow Lucy on InstagramConnect with Lucy on LinkedInVisit The ManFlu websitePodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  He Googled 'How to Be a Great Husband': Now He's the Expert Your Marriage Needs | Brian Page 05.08.2026 44m

  Our guest today irons his wife's clothes before putting them away, not because she asked, but because he understands that protecting her time is part of what providing means. This episode is about how he got there and what it really takes to build that kind of partnership.Lucy McAfee sits down with Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, to talk about what equal partnership in marriage actually requires beyond good intentions. Brian spent years as a primary earner working 60 to 80 hours a week. When his wife's career took off and the family needed a different setup, he stepped back and tried to figure out how to genuinely take ownership at home. He searched for guidance and found almost nothing useful. So he read every book and piece of research he could find, built an advisory board, and turned that search into a platform helping couples do the same.Brian breaks down why the mental load in marriage stays heavy even when a partner is willing to help. Willingness is not ownership. Real ownership means handling a task from start to finish at a shared minimum standard of care, without reminders and without someone watching over your shoulder. He and Lucy also get into gatekeeping, why it happens, and how couples get through it without creating more resentment.They dig into domestic labor in marriage and what fair play for couples looks like when it moves from a concept into a weekly habit. Brian also reframes the provider role in marriage to include protecting your partner's time, not just bringing in income. He explains how he stopped giving his wife's phone number to schools, realtors, and anyone connected to tasks he owned.The episode closes on equal leisure time as a real indicator of how balanced a partnership is, and Brian leaves listeners with two low-effort, practical shifts to try this week. If equal partnership in marriage feels like a moving target in your home, this episode gives you something concrete to work with.Episode Breakdown:00:00 Welcome to The Manflu with Lucy McAfee01:49 Brian Page on Building Modern Husbands02:15 Brian's Shift From Breadwinner to Home Manager06:19 Working Through Gatekeeping at Home08:45 What Hidden Brain Research Reveals About Gender Bias11:08 A Simple Way to Protect Your Partner's Time13:35 Where Dual Income Couples Get Stuck16:01 Learning the Fair Play Method Step by Step22:31 Why Equal Leisure Time Matters24:38 Stay At Home Parents Deserve a Break Too27:26 Motivating a Partner Who Won't Step Up32:43 Moving From Financial Provider to Teammate35:04 Untangling the Man Box and Mental Health37:12 Raising Boys Who Value Partnership41:50 Two Small Shifts to Try This Week44:11 Where to Find Modern Husbands ResourcesConnect with Brian Page:Visit The Modern Husbands Website Follow the Modern Husbands on InstagramListen to the Modern Husbands PodcastConnect with Lucy McAfee:Follow Lucy on InstagramConnect with Lucy on LinkedInVisit The Manflu websitePodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  Don't Let Go First: Friendship, Motherhood, and Raising Boys | Sarah Koopmann 05.08.2026 42m

  There's a specific grief a lot of boy moms feel but isn't often said out loud. It's one Sarah Koopmann and Lucy McAfee both know well, and after years of Lucy turning to Sarah for boy-mom wisdom, there was no question she'd be the very first guest.On this episode of The ManFlu, the two best friends of 30 years sit down for a conversation about raising emotionally connected boys. Sarah is a full-time working mom to sons ages 16, 14, and 12, and an HR executive at a global aerospace company. She opens up about grieving the daughter she thought she'd have, and how it shaped the intentional way she parents her sons today.The conversation turns to the mental load in marriage. Sarah orders the groceries, builds the shared calendar, and keeps a Sunday whiteboard with the week's schedule; her husband cooks, coaches, covers carpool and genuinely enjoys vacuuming. Lucy and Sarah unpack why so many men still tie their worth to an outdated definition of "provider," and how invisible labor shows up in a modern partnership at home.They also talk about the village every mom needs. Sarah intentionally lives in the community where she grew up, leans on neighbors for rides, and recently had a mom assemble a craft kit for her son without being asked. Her advice for anyone missing a village: go first, and be the one who asks.They also get into the everyday work of raising respectful sons: how Sarah talks to her boys about empathy, showing up for their friends, and even dating etiquette as they get older.The episode closes with Sarah's daily ritual for raising emotionally connected boys: hug them before school, hug them before bed, and don't let go first.Episode Breakdown:00:00 Meet Sarah: Boy Mom, Working Mom, Best Friend Of 30 Years02:19 Finding Out It's (Another) Boy05:28 The Grief No One Talks About08:23 The Fear Underneath, And A Reframe12:28 Boys Feel It Too (They Just Show It Differently)17:40 Balancing A Big Career With Raising Boys20:09 Building Your Village (And Learning To Ask)27:37 The Systems Behind A Busy Household30:59 The Mental Load, Out Loud34:17 What "Provider" Really Means37:10 Raising Boys Who Treat People Well39:00 One Small Shift For Overwhelmed Moms41:22 Hug Them, And Don't Let Go FirstConnect with Sarah Koopmann:Connect with Sarah on LinkedInConnect with Lucy McAfee:Follow Lucy on InstagramConnect with Lucy on LinkedInVisit The ManFlu websitePodcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  A Case of the ManFlu: Women Carrying It All, Men Missing Out 05.08.2026 17m

  When boys grow up in a world where caring isn't expected of them, they become men who don't realize what they're missing.In the first episode of The ManFlu, host Lucy McAfee traces her thinking back to a phone call six years ago. She was thirty-eight, pregnant with her second child, and when the nurse said "it's a boy," she cried. They weren't happy tears. She knew exactly what she was mourning, and it went far beyond the ruffles and the bows. It was the lifelong closeness she wasn't sure she'd have with her sons.A year later she was standing at her kitchen sink with an endless pile of pump parts, listening to a podcast about rebalancing the work of running a household. She was the one carrying the invisible to-do list, the mental load of anticipating, remembering, and coordinating. And she found herself asking why fixing it was her job too.That's where the two questions collided. How do I raise boys who stay connected, and why is so much of running our household falling on me? They were two pieces of the same puzzle. Because the same scripts that leave men disconnected leave women raised believing they could have it all, carrying it all instead.This isn't a blame session. What Lucy is fighting isn't men, it's the scripts we've all inherited, the ones that leave women overwhelmed, men disconnected, and neither showing up whole. Drawing on Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, All the Rage by Darcy Lockman, and Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves, she makes the case that these struggles belong in the same conversation: the mental load women carry, and the emotional connection boys are never taught to build.Episode Breakdown:00:00 What The ManFlu Is Really a Metaphor For02:26 The Phone Call, and the Tears That Surprised Her04:50 Looking at Her Son and Seeing a Boy Who Already Cares07:11 The Kitchen Sink, Fair Play, and the Invisible To-Do List09:38 The Moment the Two Questions Collided12:01 Her Mom Compared Him to Her Father. She Compared Him to Herself.14:26 Raising Boys to Imagine Bigger Futures16:48 Where This Podcast Wants to LiveConnect with Lucy McAfee:Follow Lucy on InstagramConnect with Lucy on LinkedInVisit The ManFlu website Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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  The ManFlu - Trailer 22.07.2026 1m

  You’ve heard of the “ManFlu” — that mysterious illness that somehow hits men way harder than any woman could ever fathom. Well, we’re not handing out tissues. We’re here to talk about the real stuff underneath it: the disconnection, the imbalance, and how we can start to change it.The ManFlu is a metaphor we use to dig into something deeper: the cultural scripts, gender roles, and unspoken rules that keep men sidelined and leave women carrying more than their share of the mental and emotional load.Host Lucy McAfee has spent years studying how gender dynamics play out at home. As a wife and boy mom, she’s still working them out in her own family. Each week, The ManFlu brings together researchers, thinkers, and families themselves to explore emotional labor, modern partnerships, and how we raise more connected boys. Together, we examine why these patterns persist, how they affect families, and the practical shifts that build stronger partnerships today and help break old patterns for the next generation. You’ll leave each episode not just nodding along, but equipped with one small shift you can try at home.Join us to lighten the load and build a future where women and men can both show up as their whole selves. New episodes drop every Wednesday, follow the show so you don’t miss one. And share it with your friends, because no one should have to face the ManFlu epidemic alone.Follow Lucy on Instagram @lucypmcafee for more on gender dynamics, mental and emotional load, and raising boys who care. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.