The Shadow Sessions

Episodes

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  "I'm Tired Of Pretending" 29.10.2026 9m

  Sometimes survival means putting on a mask. In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih explores why survivors can learn to hide their pain, appear strong, and convince the world—and sometimes themselves—that everything is fine. Through moments from The Shadow Sessions, Hiba unpacks the psychology behind the mask: why we create it, how it protects us, and what happens when we’re finally ready to take it off.
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  She Escaped ISIS. Then Lost Her Son. 22.10.2026 1h 12m

  How does someone go from escaping an abusive relationship to joining an extremist organization just six weeks later? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Tareena, the first British woman convicted of joining ISIS. After growing up around domestic violence and later experiencing abuse in her own marriage, Tareena left her husband and entered a women’s refuge. During a period of isolation and upheaval, she was approached online and recruited. This conversation looks beyond the headline to examine what made that recruitment possible. Hiba and Tareena explore how abuse, isolation, identity disruption, and the need for belonging can create vulnerabilities that extremist recruiters exploit—and how ideology can become intertwined with the promise of purpose, community, and a new identity. Tareena also reflects on becoming disillusioned, leaving ISIS, returning to Britain, and serving a prison sentence. From the distance of today, she examines what she believed then, what she understands differently now, and the warning signs she could not recognize at the time. This episode isn’t about excusing extremism. It’s about understanding radicalization well enough to recognize how it happens—and how people can ultimately disengage from it.
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  "Our Lavender Marriage" 15.10.2026 58m

  Martin is gay. Brandi is straight. They’re married, raising a daughter together, and neither of them is planning to leave. Their relationship has attracted plenty of opinions. Some believe their marriage must be fake. Others assume one of them is sacrificing, settling, or secretly unhappy. Martin and Brandi call theirs a lavender marriage—but unlike the lavender marriages historically used to conceal someone’s sexuality, theirs is open and intentional. In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih sits down with Martin and Brandi to understand what their marriage actually looks like from the inside. They explore the questions people are often afraid to ask: How does sex work? What about attraction, jealousy, intimacy, and loneliness? What does each partner get from the marriage—and what might they have had to give up? How do they navigate disagreements, parenting, emotional needs, and relationships outside their marriage? The conversation also challenges the expectations we place on romantic relationships: that one person should simultaneously be our lover, best friend, co-parent, emotional home, sexual partner, and lifelong companion. This episode isn’t about deciding whether their marriage is right or wrong. It’s about what happens when two people consciously build a relationship outside the traditional definition of marriage.
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  "I am A Psychopath" 08.10.2026 1h 10m

  What if manipulation doesn’t feel like manipulation? What if it feels like you’ve finally met someone who understands you? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih sits down with Lewis Raymond Taylor, who has spoken publicly about being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, as well as his experiences with severe childhood trauma, addiction, and the life he built afterward. Lewis takes Hiba inside the process: how someone might be chosen, how trust is established, how vulnerabilities and emotional needs are identified, and how seemingly small interactions can become tests. They explore the line between intimacy and information—and how the things you reveal because you feel understood can potentially be used to influence or control you. The conversation also confronts a difficult distinction: trauma can help explain behavior, but it does not excuse it. This episode isn’t about deciding whether Lewis is a good man or a bad man. It’s about understanding the psychology of manipulation from someone willing to describe what it can look like from the inside. Because sometimes the most dangerous manipulation isn’t the kind you can immediately see. It’s the kind that initially feels like connection.
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  Why Your Mind Shuts Down To Survive 01.10.2026 10m

  What happens psychologically when the people meant to protect you become the ones taking away your choices? In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Rubie, who was just 15 years old when her family took her to another country and forced her into a marriage she had never chosen. Hiba discusses the moments from Rubie’s story that stood out to her and offers her insights into the psychological dynamics behind coercion, control, family loyalty, and betrayal. She explores what happens when harmful behavior is justified through culture or tradition, how a young person learns to survive when resistance doesn’t feel possible, and the lasting impact of having trust and autonomy taken away by the very people meant to provide safety. This episode of The Notebook looks beyond Rubie’s individual experience to unpack the patterns beneath it—and what her story can teach us about control, resilience, and reclaiming the right to choose your own life.
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  Every 7 Seconds this Happens To A Girl 24.09.2026 1h 18m

  What happens when the people who love you believe that harming you is an act of protection? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Hoda, who was seven years old when her family celebrated what she believed was a special occasion. Instead, she was subjected to female genital mutilation (FGM)—a practice that would leave lifelong physical and psychological consequences. This conversation goes beyond the procedure itself. It explores the complex reality of generational trauma, where mothers and grandmothers who endured the same experience continue the practice, believing they are protecting their daughters and preserving tradition. Hoda shares the lasting impact FGM has had on her health, relationships, fertility, and sense of self, while reflecting on what it means to reconcile love with profound harm. Together, Hiba and Hoda examine how cultural beliefs can normalize violence, why these cycles persist, and what it takes to challenge them. This episode is about tradition, trauma, resilience, and the courage to break a cycle that has shaped generations of women.
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  "I Saw Who Killed My Mom at 3 Years Old" 20.09.2026 1h 14m

  What happens when the first truth you ever tell is the one no one believes? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Jade, who was just three years old when her mother was murdered. In the immediate aftermath, Jade told investigators what she had witnessed. But because of her age, her account was dismissed, leaving her to grow up carrying a truth that others refused to accept. This conversation explores far more than the crime itself. It examines childhood memory, trauma, and what happens when a child's reality is questioned by the very adults responsible for protecting them. It asks how early experiences shape identity, what it means to doubt your own memories, and how validation years later can never erase the silence that came before it. Jade reflects on growing up in the shadow of loss, living with unanswered questions, and the emotional impact of waiting for the world to finally recognize what she had known all along. This episode is about childhood trauma, memory, justice, and the profound consequences of believing—or failing to believe—a child's voice.
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  My Husband Raped Me 12.09.2026 56m

  Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely as simple as walking away. Sometimes the forces keeping someone trapped aren't fear alone—they're love, loyalty, children, and the hope of protecting the family they never had. In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Kathleen, whose former husband was convicted in 2024 of rape and coercive control. After years of abuse, Kathleen waived her legal right to anonymity so that he could be publicly identified, choosing to tell her story in her own words. This conversation explores the psychology of coercive control and why survivors often remain in abusive relationships despite the harm they endure. It examines how childhood experiences, attachment, and deeply held values can be manipulated by an abusive partner, turning love and commitment into mechanisms of control. Rather than asking, "Why didn't she leave?"  this episode asks a different question: "What made leaving so difficult?"  Hiba and Kathleen unpack the hidden dynamics of psychological abuse, trauma bonding, and the lasting impact of living under coercive control. This episode is about understanding, accountability, and recognizing that abuse is not defined only by physical violence—but by the systematic erosion of autonomy, safety, and identity.
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  He Could Kill Her So Why Did She Stay? 03.09.2026 11m

  Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked. In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Annesa and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview. Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines the psychology of love bombing, coercive control, and why intense relationships can so easily be mistaken for genuine love. She explores how cultural narratives, emotional conditioning, and attachment patterns can make controlling behaviors feel romantic rather than alarming. Rather than revisiting the details of Annesa's story, this episode focuses on understanding the hidden dynamics behind unhealthy relationships, emotional dependency, and manipulation. Hiba unpacks the subtle warning signs that are often overlooked, why people become vulnerable to coercive control, and how early experiences and societal messages shape our expectations of love. This episode offers a chance to look beneath the surface and better understand the difference between intensity and intimacy, control and care, and how recognizing these patterns is the first step toward building relationships grounded in safety, trust, and genuine connection.
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  Phycologist Answers Your Questions 27.08.2026 12m

  In this special Q&A episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih answers listener questions covering a wide range of topics. Rather than offering quick answers, Hiba approaches each question with curiosity, compassion, and psychological insight, helping listeners see their situations and the patterns that shape their lives in a new light. Whether you're looking for perspective, reassurance, or simply curious to hear the conversation, this episode offers an open and honest space where no question is too small and every answer is an opportunity to learn something new.
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  The Abuser Was Never A Stranger 20.08.2026 17m

  We've spent generations teaching children to fear strangers. But the evidence tells a different story. In this special reflection episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits the stories of Aziza, Seth, Jazmine, and Sonny—four survivors whose experiences expose one of the most dangerous misconceptions about child sexual abuse: that the greatest threat comes from strangers. Instead, these conversations reveal a far more uncomfortable reality. Abuse is most often committed by someone a child knows, trusts, or has been taught to obey. Family members, caregivers, trusted adults, and people within a child's everyday world are far more likely to exploit access, familiarity, and silence than strangers hiding in the shadows. Hiba unpacks the psychology of grooming, why children rarely disclose abuse immediately, and how myths like "stranger danger" can leave families focused on the wrong risks. Rather than creating fear, this episode offers a framework for prevention—one rooted in body autonomy, open communication, critical thinking, and helping children understand that unsafe behavior can come from anyone, regardless of their relationship. This episode is not about creating suspicion. It's about replacing outdated narratives with evidence, empowering parents and caregivers with better conversations, and giving children the language to recognize unsafe behavior wherever it comes from.
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  The Most Shocking Moments - Part 2 13.08.2026 28m

  Some moments stay with you long after the conversation ends. In this special episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits some of the most powerful and unforgettable moments from the series so far—stories of survival, betrayal, identity, trauma, accountability, and transformation. Part two brings together voices that challenged the way we understand abuse, violence, incarceration, extremism, addiction, and the systems that shape human behavior. These are not moments selected for shock alone. They reveal the patterns beneath the headlines: what happens to the nervous system under prolonged fear, how identity forms inside survival, and what it takes to reclaim agency after life has been altered. This episode is a reflection on the truths guests were brave enough to speak—and the questions their stories leave behind.
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  The Most Shocking Moments 05.08.2026 21m

  Some moments stay with you long after the conversation ends. In this special episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih revisits some of the most powerful and unforgettable moments from the series so far—stories of survival, betrayal, identity, trauma, accountability, and transformation. Part One brings together voices that challenged the way we understand abuse, violence, incarceration, extremism, addiction, and the systems that shape human behavior. These are not moments selected for shock alone. They reveal the patterns beneath the headlines: what happens to the nervous system under prolonged fear, how identity forms inside survival, and what it takes to reclaim agency after life has been altered. This episode is a reflection on the truths guests were brave enough to speak—and the questions their stories leave behind.
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  When Your Mother Is The Danger 30.07.2026 14m

  Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked. In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Jazmine and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview. Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines the lasting effects of attachment trauma, the psychological impact of being harmed by the very person meant to provide safety, and how early betrayal shapes a child's understanding of love, trust, and self-worth. Rather than revisiting the details of Jazmine's story, this episode focuses on understanding the hidden dynamics behind childhood trauma, emotional conditioning, and survival. Hiba offers her insights into the long-term behavioral patterns that can emerge from growing up in an unsafe environment and explores what it takes to rebuild a sense of identity and security after profound betrayal. This episode is an opportunity to look beneath the surface and better understand how early relationships shape our lives—and how healing begins when we recognize those patterns, reclaim our sense of self, and learn to create safety from within.
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  The Story Her Kidnapper Never Wanted Told 23.07.2026 1h 4m

  How do you respond when your life changes in a matter of seconds? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Allison Smith, whose ordinary trip to a convenience store became a fight for survival when an armed woman hijacked her car. In those terrifying moments, Allison experienced what so many trauma survivors describe: first freezing, then fawning, and ultimately finding the strength to fight back. But surviving the attack was only the beginning. This conversation goes beyond violent crime. It explores the psychology of survival, why our instincts don't always look the way we expect, and the emotional aftermath that follows once the immediate danger has passed. Allison shares what it means to live with trauma, reclaim her voice, and rebuild a sense of safety after experiencing the unimaginable. This episode is about survival instincts, trauma recovery, resilience, and discovering that healing begins long after the moment you survive.
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  What Epestein Did To Her Mind 15.07.2026 18m

  Some conversations don't end when the cameras stop rolling—they deserve to be unpacked. In this episode of The Notebook, Hiba Balfaqih reflects on her conversation with Jena-Lisa Jones, a survivor of Jeffrey Epstein, and explores the psychological patterns that emerged throughout the interview. Drawing from her expertise in human behavior and trauma, Hiba examines how grooming operates, why powerful individuals are often protected by the systems around them, and the psychological barriers that prevent survivors from speaking out. Rather than revisiting the headlines, this episode focuses on understanding the hidden dynamics behind manipulation, coercion, and silence. Hiba offers her insights into the emotional and behavioral patterns revealed during the conversation and highlights the lessons that extend far beyond one individual's story. This episode is an opportunity to look beneath the surface and better understand how abuse of power can shape lives—and what it takes to recognize, confront, and break those patterns.
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  The Truth Behind Being A Sex Worker 08.07.2026 54m

  What happens when the beliefs you're raised with become the source of your deepest wounds? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Veronica Monet, who was born into a religious cult where isolation, control, and abuse were justified through faith. After escaping, addiction became a way to cope with the trauma she carried until she eventually found recovery. But recovery didn't lead to the life others expected. Sober and determined to survive on her own terms, Veronica chose sex work—a decision often misunderstood, but one she describes as an act of agency rather than defeat. This conversation challenges simplistic narratives about trauma and healing. It explores religious abuse, addiction, shame, autonomy, and what it means to reclaim ownership of your body and identity after years of control. For more than two decades, Veronica built a career in an industry many judge, while redefining survival, dignity, and self‑determination on her own terms. This episode is about cult recovery, addiction, agency, and the courage to rewrite your life when the world insists your story should end differently.
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  My Family Was America's Most Dangerous Cult 01.07.2026 57m

  What happens when the person who teaches you right from wrong is later revealed to be responsible for unimaginable violence? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Anna, who was raised in a polygamous cult led by her father—a man who was later convicted of multiple murders. As a child, she didn't see a cult. She saw family. The disappearances, the fear, and the secrecy were simply part of everyday life. This conversation goes beyond true crime. It explores how children adapt to environments they cannot question, how loyalty and attachment can coexist with fear, and what happens when the story you've built your identity around is shattered by the truth. Anna reflects on growing up in a closed system shaped by control, silence, and unquestioned authority, and the profound psychological impact of discovering that the person she loved had committed horrific crimes. This episode is about cult psychology, identity, family loyalty, and the difficult process of rebuilding a life after learning your childhood was built on deception.
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  I Killed My Abuser 24.06.2026 1h 1m

  What happens when the people meant to protect you never do? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with David, who spent years growing up in an environment shaped by fear, control, and abuse. When systems that are supposed to intervene fail, trauma does not simply disappear—it adapts, accumulates, and leaves lasting psychological consequences. This conversation is not about violence. It is about what comes before it. The chronic stress of living in survival mode. The impact of prolonged childhood trauma on identity, emotional regulation, and the nervous system. And the reality of growing up without safety, support, or a path to escape. David reflects on the lasting effects of abuse, the weight of silence, and the difficult questions that emerge when trauma is left untreated for years. Together, they explore accountability, survival, and what happens when pain is forced underground until it can no longer stay there. This episode is about childhood trauma, systemic failure, and the lifelong search for healing after protection never arrived.
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  How A 16 Years Old Robbed A Bank 17.06.2026 55m

  We love stories about bank robbers. The masks. The getaway cars. The thrill of the chase. Popular culture often turns them into anti‑heroes—rebels who live outside the rules. But what happens when the robbery isn’t really about the money? In this episode of The Shadow Sessions, Hiba Balfaqih speaks with Alex, a former bank robber whose actions were driven by something deeper than financial gain. Beneath the crime was a pattern of addiction, compulsion, and a relentless search for something that always seemed just out of reach. This conversation explores the psychology of risk, the allure of adrenaline, and how destructive behaviors can become substitutes for meaning, control, or escape. It examines what happens when the pursuit of a feeling outweighs its consequences. Alex reflects on identity, self‑deception, and the internal emptiness that can make danger feel alive. Because sometimes the story isn't about the crime itself—it's about the unmet needs, unresolved wounds, and patterns operating underneath it. This episode is about addiction, accountability, and what happens when a person is finally forced to confront the reasons behind the mask.