The Selfish Woman

Stop Being A Good Woman! How Doing Everything 'Right' Can Ruin Your Life 22.09.2026 14m

What if being a 'good woman' is the very thing keeping you stuck? Be nice. Be reasonable. Keep everyone happy. Don't disappoint people. Don't make a scene. And whatever you do, don't be selfish. I followed those rules for YEARS. I stayed married for 24 years, raised 3 kids, tried harder, kept the peace and did everything I though a good woman was supposed to do. And I was fucking miserable. In this episode, I'm breaking down the Good Woman rules so many of us have been following without even realizing it, why leaving a marriage doesn't necessarily free you from them, and the difference between being a Good Woman, a Bad Girl and a Selfish Woman. Because you can leave the marriage and still live like you need permission. You can stop pleasing your husband and start pleasing your kids, your ex, your parents, your friends or the entire fucking internet instead. Different people. Same prison. And if you've spent your life trying to do everything 'right' and still find yourself wondering when the hell your life gets to belong to you, this epsiode is for you. IN THIS EPISODE: The invisible rules women learn about being 'good' Why self-abandonment can feel like virtue How Good Woman programming follows you into divorce and your next chapter Why becoming the Bad Girl isn't the same as becoming free The difference between rebellion and self-posession How to catch yourself obeying rules you never consciously chose The questions that changes everything: Who gets to write the rules for your life? Being a Selfish Woman isn't about not giving a fuck about anyone else. It's about finally refusing to abandon yourself to prove that you're good. Your life belongs to you. READY TO STOP ABANDONING YOURSELF? If you're questioning leaving your marriage, preparing to leave, or navigating divorce and you want me beside you through it, I now offer a small number of six-month private coaching engagements. This is the work we do in real life: when you're second-guessing yourself, terrified of making the wrong decision, trying to manage everyone else's feelings, or you know what you need to do and can't seem to make yourself do it. Explore Private Work with Valerie

Sparkle & Grit: Breaking Free From Burnout & Living in Technicolor with Wendy Meadows 31.08.2026 14m

What if burnout isn't evidence that you're doing life wrong? For high-achieving women, burnout can come with an extra layer of shame. We think we should be able to handle it. Mange it better. Be more disciplined. Get it together. In this episode, I'm joined by Wendy Meadows, author of Sparkle & GRIT, for a conversation about creating a life that holds ambition, meaning, joy, and the inevitable harder seasons too. Wendy shares her Sparkle & GRIT framework and we talk about what happens when the balance gets lost, and why women have been conditioned to experience burnout as a personal failure rather than something we can respond to with awareness and empowered choice. In this episode: The balance between sparkle and grit in a meaningful life Why high-achieving women are particularly vulnerable to burnout Releasing the guilt and self-blame we attach to burnout Wendy's definition of burnout and how it can shift you toward empowered choice The Groundhog Day framework for when life feels monotonous Bringing more joy into your life in ways that actually work for you This is an inspiring conversation with a lovely reminder at its centre: a meaningful life gets to contain ambition and effort, pleasure and play, darkness and light. The whole colour palette. About Wendy Meadows Wendy is a seasoned family law attorney, former litigator, and certified life coach. She is also a mediator and author of the best-selling book, Sparkle & GRIT: Live a Technicolor Life by Finally Finding Balance, Escaping Montony, and Beating Burnout: a framework that helps high-achieving women break free from burnout and live on purpose. She blends practical strategies with compassionate mindset work to help them reboot their habits, re-ignite their purpose, and build lives that actually fit. Wendy's Website Get Wendy's book Grab Wendy's FREE Sparkle & GRIT Playbook

Ditch Imposter Syndrome And Start Owning Your Spotlight with Christine Blosdale 17.08.2026 25m

You feel the pull. The idea keeps returning. Some part of you knows you're meant for something bigger. Then...the other voice arrives. Who do you think you are? What if you're not ready? What if everyone realizes you have no idea what you're doing? In this episode, I'm joined by award-winning media personality, coach, and podcast host Christine Blosdale for a candid conversation about why imposter syndrome follows so many talented, high-achieving women into the very rooms they've earned the right to occupy. We explore how deeply women have been conditioned to doubt themselves, downplay their gifts, and wait until they can do something perfectly before allowing themselves to begin. Christine also shares the perspective shift that can pull you out of imposter syndrome almost immediately. In this episode, we talk about: Why self-doubt is so deeply embedded in women's conditioning Why accomplished women still feel like frauds, even when the evidence says otherwise How perfectionism disguises itself as preparation and keeps you from taking action The inner pull that tells you there is something bigger you're meant to do Why you don't need to know exactly where that pull will lead before following it How shifting your attention from yourself to the person you can help quiets imposter syndrome Why your quirks, personality, and humanness are part of your power What becomes possible when you finally stop hiding and own your spotlight If you've been circling an idea, waiting to feel qualified, or overthinking everything instead of taking action, this episode is your loving kick in the pants. Christine Blosdale is the Expert Authority Coach - a visibility strategist and personal branding expert who helps entrepreneurs, coaches, authors and thought leaders get seen, trusted, and paid for what they already know. Connect with Christine

The Friends You've Outgrown (Nobody Warns You About This) 15.07.2026 27m

You can love someone and still outgrow the version of yourself that exists around them. And nobody warns you about this part of changing your life. We talk about the habits you'll have to change, the risks you'll have to take, the courage it takes to walk away from something familiar. We don't talk nearly enough about what happens when the people you love are still connected to the person you used to be. This episode is about friendship, growth, and the strange, sometimes painful experience of realizing that a relationship that once fit your life may not fit the life you're building now. Because every room has an invisible definition of what's normal. What you're allowed to want. What feels possible. What seems too ambitious, too risky, too expensive, or simply not like you. And sometimes, all it takes is getting close to one woman who is already doing the thing you thought was impossible. She doesn't have to coach you. She doesn't have to give you a ten-step plan. Sometimes another woman gives you evidence. In this episode, we're talking about: What it actually means to outgrow people Why the people you love may still be relating to who you used to be How the people around you shape what feels normal and possible Why outgrowing a room isn't the same as abandoning the people in it Why courage, desire and aliveness is contagious Powerful questions to audit the spaces you're spending time in Why I created The Society and why it's the antidote to being stuck This isn't about deciding your old friends aren't 'good enough' anymore It's about recognizing that you may need people in your life who have evidence of where you're going, not only memories of where you've been. And maybe the question isn't simply, 'Who have I outgrown?' Maybe it's, 'Who do I become when I'm around the people in my life?' You're invited to The Society's Opening Weekend From July 24-26, we're gathering for three live experiences: Happy Hour, Coffee Chat, and Sparkle Party. Come to one. Come to all three. Opening Weekend is completely free. SAVE YOUR SEAT HERE Your next chapter may begin with one conversation, one new room, or one woman who makes you realize that the thing you want isn't nearly as impossible as you thought. Go find her....or maybe, come find us.

The Selfish Sex Revolution with Susan Bratton 10.06.2026 46m

What if the same conditioning that teaches women to abandon themselves in life is also showing up in the bedroom? In this fascinating and often hilarious conversation, Valerie sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton to explore what happens when women reclaim their desire, their pleasure, and their right to experience the full spectrum of who they are. Together, they unpack the impact of cultural conditioning on intimacy, why so many couples struggle to talk openly about sex, and how creating a thriving intimate relationship has less to do with performance and more to do with curiosity, communication, and connection. Susan shares surprising insights on everything from libido difference and orgasmic potential to the male loneliness epidemic, erotic play, and why great sex can continue to evolve throughout our lives. Whether you're single, partnered, divorced, dating, or simply curious about your own relationship with desire, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on intimacy, pleasure, and what it means to come fully alive. In This Episode: The hidden impact of cultural conditioning on men and women in the bedroom Why living as your full self transforms intimacy The intimacy gap many people aren't discussing Orgasmic cross-training and expanding your pleasure potential Practical ways to get your partner engaged in the conversation Why orgasms are the fountain of youth! About Susan Bratton Susan Bratton is a leading advocate for passionate relationships and lifelong intimacy. She is known for helping people create deeper connection, greater pleasure, and more fulfilling relationships through practical, approachable education about intimacy and sexual wellness. Connect with Susan Please subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend.

How To End A Marriage Without Going To War: With Kate Daly of amicable 14.05.2026 52m

Nobody teaches women how to leave. You get handed a lawyer's number, a horror story from a friend, and the quiet impication that if your marriage ended...somethig must have gone wrong. But what if divorce didn't have to become a bloodbath to be real? In this episode, Valerie sits down with Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, to talk about the divorce conversation almost nobody is having: How to end a marriage without destroying yourself in the process. This conversation is practial, honest, emotional, and surprisingly hopeful. Especially for women trying to navigate the impossible tension between choosing themelves and carrying everyone else's emotions too. Whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of one, or rebuilding after it, this episode witill change the way you think about what's possible. IN THIS EPISODE: How to have the conversation without it becoming emotional warfare What to do before lawyers get involved, and why it matters The mistake women make when managing their partner's emotions What 'amicable' actually means (and why it's not weakness) The two things that truly impact kids during divorce How to co-parent without losing yourself The new rules for communicating with your ex Why divorce may not be the end of your life, but the beginning of finally living it. THE SELFISH WOMAN TAKE: Most women spend years managing the marriage long before they ever leave it. Managing moods. Managing tension. Managing disappointment. Managing themselves. This episode is about another way. Not perfect or painless, but conscious, clear, and far less desructive than the story we've been sold about what divorce has to look like. Go to Amicable for free resources

'Reinvention' is Bullshit: Episode 134 14.04.2026 29m

The Confession Booth is open! I'm calling BS on the 'reinvention trend'....one that I was fully participating in for the last few years. Nobody reinvents themselves on purpose. Not the way the industry sells it. Real change doesn't start with a plan, it starts with one thought that won't let you go: I want something different. In this episode, I'm dismantling the whole reinvention myth, and replacing it with something that actually works. It's a confession, a rallying cry, and the most extravagant permission slip I've ever handed out. You'll hear: The reinvention lie Why your perspective is supposed to shift as you grow What real change looks and feels like, and why there's no parade for it The one sentence that starts everything Why 'terrixciting' is the most honest word for where you are right now Resources mentioned: The Selfish Year The Phoenix The Quiz: why you keep holding yourself back Book a call with me!

Stress Is Not The Problem...This Is: With Dr. Rachel Goldman 23.03.2026 41m

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it. I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist, NYU professor, and a leading expert in the mind-body connection who has shared her insights alongside icons like Oprah and Mel Robbins. Ahead of the April launch of her highly anticipated book, "When Life Happens," Dr. Rachel breaks down the science of CBT and explains why we need to stop trying to 'delete' stress and start building a Coping Toolbox. This episode is a survival guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the weight of 'doing it all' and is ready to reclaim their peace of mind. What We Discuss: The Stress Reframe: Why stress is inevitable, but our physiological and mental reaction to it is a choice. The "All or Nothing" Trap: How to break the cycle of perfectionism when things go sideways. Building Your Coping Toolbox: Specific strategies to regulate your emotions in real time. Mindset as a Skill: Why resilience isn't a personality trait - it's a strategy you can train. When Life Happens: A deep dive into the mindset shifts needed to navigate life's messiest moments. Resources & Links: Pre-Order the Book Follow Dr. Rachel Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Spotify Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Apple

The Wrong Life: Ep. 130 16.03.2026 26m

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me. I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros. And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet. So I left. Convinced I was the problem. I was wrong. In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the middle of a meditation that turned into a download - and I finally understand what I was actually running from. And why leaving was the most sane thing I ever did. This is the episode for the woman who has spent years trying to fix herself. The woman who has read the books, done the work, followed the rules - and still feels like something is fundamentally broken. Nothing is broken. But something is wrong. And until you figure out what that is, you will keep building beautiful lives on foundations that cannot hold you. This is where we start. Join The Phoenix Get the book

You Didn't End Up Here by Accident: Numerology, Patterns & Your Life Path with Ann Perry 02.03.2026 33m

What if your life isn't random? In this episode, I sit down with numerologist Ann Perry to break down what your numbers reveal about you, and how they shape your relationships, your patterns, and the way you move through the world. We also dive into: What if your soul chose this life? What if the challenges you've faced weren't random...but selected? And how do you hold that idea without dismissing real pain or turning it into toxic positivity? What You'll Learn: What numerology is, and why it works How your numbers influence your identity and decision-making Why you keep repeating the sane relationship dynamics How to better understand your kids, partner and coworkers The controversial idea that your soul chose this life (and what that really means) How to stop overthinking and start trusting yourself Links: Ann Perry's website: https://www.annperrynumerologist.com Ann's book: https://amzn.to/4icbFsq Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/nwkCP4v_atI?si=QjWGaBPy7zNER2jy And if you're ready to stop overthinking and step over the edge and into your next level.... Join The Phoenix: subscribepage.io/4M2VOU

Why You Keep Overthinking (And What You're Actually Avoiding) 23.02.2026 20m

Why do you keep overthinking decisions when you already know what to do? In this episode I break down why overthinking isn't a clarity problem, it's a self-trust problem - and what you're actually avoiding. What you'll learn: Why you say "I don't know" (and what it really means) The hidden reason you stay stuck in indecision How overthinking protects you from uncomfortable truth The identity shift that changes everything One simple question to stop overthinking immediately Key moment from the episode: "You don't say 'I don't know' because you're confused. You say it because the truth would cost you something." If you're ready to stop overthinking and actually move forward, this is exactly what we do inside The Breakthrough. Email me: [email protected] and tell me the one thing you want a breakthrough in. Leave a review on Spotify Leave a review on Apple Subscribe to the show! Watch on YouTube Get my book

From Netflix's 'Sex, Love & goop' to Erotic Wholeness: Darshana Avila on Asking For What You Want 15.02.2026 52m

Darshana Avila left her corporate career and her marriage, and stepped into a life of erotic wholeness. Now she's a Certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner & Sexological Bodyworker featured on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop with Gwyneth Paltrow - and she's here to talk about what most of us are too afraid to ask for. In this episode, we talk about: Knowing what you want (in sex and in life) and actually asking for it: Why high-achieving women can run companies but can't speak their desires in bed. The identity crisis that led to liberation: How Darshana walked away from everything that wasn't aligned - and what happened next. Her experience on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop: Working with a lesbian couple to help them understand what they want, need, and hw to speak it out loud. Erotic wholeness as a path to power: How reclaiing pleasure is an act of rebellion (and sovereignty) People-pleasing in the bedroom (and eveywhere else): Why saying yes when you mean no kills intimacy, and how to stop. This conversation is raw, real and permission-giving. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, your desires, or your power, this one's for you. Connect with Darshana: Website Want more? Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast (ranked top 3% globally) for weekly conversations about identity, power and building empires on your terms. New episodes every Monday. Named Feedspots #23 in the Top 80 Best Badass Female Podcasts of 2026 Take the Reveal Your Mask Quiz Please leave a review! It help more women find us.

From Selfish to Sovereign 09.02.2026 26m

In this episode I reveal the next level of your journey - from midlife reinvention to full-blown feminine sovereignty. If you're a woman ready to rise into your power, lead with vision, and claim a life that reflects your true worth, this is for you. I unpack the Queen Code (my brand new methodology), share the mythic framework behind the Sovereign Woman, and invite you inside the symbolic castle that holds it all. Consider this your rite of passage. Join The Phoenix Subscribe to my YouTube channel Get my book, The Selfish Year Follow me on Instagram Subscribe, share and leave a review!

The Cost of Quiet with Colette Jane Fehr 02.02.2026 49m

You've been swallowing your truth, avoiding conflict, and hoping things will change if you're just patient enough. But your silence isn't safety....it's a slow death. This week, I'm talking with Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love, about why we stay silent, and what it costs us. In this episode: Why it's so hard to speak up (even when you know you should) What to do when you get the same response every time you speak up The curse of the good girl (and how it keeps you quiet) How to get out of the Cave of Resentment Self-connected communication: the framework that changes everything The only way to build confidence (it's not what you think) Your communication report card (we all have one!) How conflict is the doorway to intimacy, not the end of it Colette is giving us the tools to stop performing and start speaking. Because the cost of quiet? It's your life. Pre-order The Cost of Quiet here Follow Collete on Instagram My Substack article, and free quiz: Reveal Your Mask

Selfish is the Strategy: A New Era Begins 26.01.2026 18m

Welcome to Season Five - and to 2026! In this powerful kickoff episode, Valerie pulls back the curtain on what it really means to be selfish in a world that has taught women to disappear. This isn't just a refresher course. It's a full-on reintroduction to the philosophy, fire, and unapologetic truth at the core of The Selfish Woman movement. You'll hear: Why 'selfish' is still the most radical word a woman can claim What the old Good Girl contract cost you, and how to burn it for good Why every powerful woman you admire had to get selfish How to give from overflow, not obligation What's coming in 2026: bold new tools, mythic framewords, and sacred strategies no on else is teaching If you're ready to make 2026 the year you come home to yourself, start here. Get The Selfish Year Subscribe to the YouTube series Follow on Instagram Get my blog, The Selfish Gospel Go forth and be selfish.

Why Your 'Word for the Year' Fails: And How to Choose One That Changes Everything 16.12.2025 26m

Most people choose a word for the year based on what they want to achieve, acquire, or accomplish. But that's not how transformation works. In this episode, I'm sharing why your word of the year should be about who you're becoming, not what you want to get. It's a practice in identity, not goals. A call toward the woman you're evolving into. not a to-do list disguised as intention-setting. I'll walk you through: Why choosing a word based on outcomes keep you stuck in the same patterns The difference between a word that motivates and a word that transforms My own experience choosing 'selfish' as my word in 2020 - what it taught me, how it challenged me, and why it was exactly what I needed How to choose a word that serves your evolution (not just your ambition) This isn't about New Year's resolutions or vision boards. It's about claiming who you're becoming and letting that guide everything else. WATCH THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE: I'm now posting full video episodes on YouTube! If you prefer to warch rather than listen, head over to my channel and subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: The Selfish Year - available everywhere books are sold, or click here CONNECT WITH ME: Substack: The Selfish Gospel weekly essays Book: The Selfish Year Instagram LET'S TALK: What's your word for 2026? Drop me a message on Instagram or YouTube. SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If you loved this episode, please subscribe and leave a review, on Spotify or Apple. It helps others find the show. Thanks for listening. Now go choose your word, and let it choose you back.

The Year of the Snake: What You Need to Shed Before 2026 11.12.2025 26m

2025 is the Year of the Snake. 2026? The Year of the Fire Horse. If you're familiar about Chinese zodiac symbolism, you know what that means: the Snake sheds what no longer fits. The Fire Horse charges forward with unstoppable momentum. But here's the thing: you can't ride the Fire Horse into 2026 while still carrying 2025's dead weight. This episode is about what needs to be shed now, before the year turns. IN THIS EPISODE, I SHARE: The symbolism of Snake and Fire Horse years: and what they're asking of us right now. What a death cycle actually looks like (from someone living it): why you can't 'positive mindset' your way through and what to do instead. The difference between shedding and suppressing: one creates space for growth, the other just buries what will resurface later. A December ritual for intentional release: specific steps you can take this month to shed what's keeping you small, stuck, or performing. Why 'not enough', shame, and old survival strategies have to go: and what becomes possible when you finally release them. The gift of radical permission: why The Selfish Year is the book to give yourself (or someone you love) this holiday season. What's coming in 2026: a hint at something I'm creating for women ready to make next year their Selfish Year IF YOU'RE FEELING: The tightness of an old identity that doesn't fit anymore Exhausted by maintaining 'impressive' Ready to stop carrying what's dead Curious about what 2026 could look like if you actually chose yourself ....this episode is for you. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Read the full essay: What a Death Cycle Actually Looks Like (from someone living it) Get the book: The Selfish Year - perfect for gifting yourself and your friends permission this Christmas Choose your 2026 word: Are you claiming SELFISH as your guiding intention for next year? Let me know! SOMETHING'S COMING: I'm gathering women who are ready to make 2026 their Selfish Year. A community....a container...a place where choosing yourself isn't rebellion, it's a homecoming. I can't share all the details yet, but if you're feeling the pull toward radical selfishness - stay close. CONNECT WITH VALERIE: Instagram Newsletter Work with Valerie YOUR DECEMBER PRACTICE: This month, ask yourself every morning: What am I carrying that's already dead? What old skin am I ready to shed? What wants to emerge in 2026? Then do one small thing - sage, movement, journaling, walking - to physically release it. SHARE THIS EPISODE: Know someone who needs permission to shed what's no longer serving them? Send them this episode. Sometimes the most generous thing we can do is name what's true. RATE & REVIEW: If this episode resonated please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other women find The Selfish Woman podcast when they need it most.

The 'Holy Sh*t' Moment: When You Start Toppling Your Sacred Cows 10.11.2025 29m

This is a personal episode for me, one that I feel led to share with you, because I know it's going to resonate. There's a moment in every woman's life when she look at what she's been worshipping - success, motherhood, marriage, being 'nice' - and realizes none of it was built for her freedom. That's the holy sh*t moment. The one where you finally stop trying to earn gold stars for suffering and start knocking over every sacred cow that's been keeping you in a cage. This is aboout burning down the old rules, setting yourself free from everyone else's opinion of you, reclaiming your wild self, and realizing that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do...is commit a little heresy. Take the Reveal Your Mask quiz Get your copy of The Selfish Year Inquire about working with me as a private client Read The Selfish Gospel on Substack Watch on YouTube

Hype Women! With Erin Gallagher 27.10.2025 43m

In this episode I'm joined by Erin Gallagher, author of Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You. Buckle up for a fiery conversation about what it really means to trust yourself after a lifetime of being told you're wrong. We talk about the incredible origin story of her book, and why she's not here to hype all women - especially not the ones still acting as foot soldiers for the patriarchy. We also go there: Who are the mean girls in your life? Why do we keep trying to gather in circles with women who've burned us? What does it mean to self-source instead of always giving your power away? This one is bold, vulnerable and unapologetically honest. Press play and get hyped - for yourself. Erin Gallagher is the CEO and Founder of Hype Women, an inclusive ecosystem hyping women to remember who the f**k they are, author of Hype Women, and host of the Hype Women Podcast. Her book is an electrifying and extraordinary approach to life for ambitious women everywhere. Connect with Erin Buy your copy of Hype Women now! The Phoenix private community The Selfish Year

The Mystic & the Machine: Merging AI with Inner Intelligence with Karen Romine 20.10.2025 42m

What happens when strategic intelligence meets spiritual intuition? In this electric conversation, I sit down with keynote speaker and author, Karen Romine, to explore the intersection of artificial intelligence and the unseen realms. We talk about how AI is transforming the way we make decisions and scale our lives - and how inner knowing is the missing data point most women ignore. Karen shares her journey from corporate strategy expert to discovering that she is a psychic medium (yes, both can live in one woman!), and how merging logic with intuition creates exponential growth. This one's for the woman who knows she's meant to lead, but also trusts the whispers. The woman who wants to scale her vision without abandoning her soul. And the woman who's secretly felt there's more to 'data' than numbers. We're not choosing between the mystic or the machine. We're using both. Join Karen's book launch event Get your copy of The Selfish Year

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